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Online Dating: The More You Talk, The Less You Get Laid
One of my core pieces of advice for online game, one that has been massively field-tested over many years and gets me laid a lot, is to pitch the first date on the second or third exchange of emails, or at a minimum get her off the dating site ASAP and continue the conversation through some other means (Facebook, IM, texting, phone calls, etc). Not surprisingly, this is resisted by a lot of guys.
-By Caleb Jones
1. Yes, a lot of girls terminate the conversation when you do this. That sometimes happens to me too. However you're not considering all the girls who terminate the conversation when you don't do this. If you actually tracked it, you would find the number of women you talk to on a dating site who never meet up with you is going to be about the same whether you pitch the date quickly or later after some "conversation".
Don't believe me? Don't take my word for it, experiment with it yourself and carefully track the results. You'll see that's exactly how it works. Bottom line: The vast majority of women who bail on you when you pitch the date up front were NEVER planning on actually meeting you in real life no matter how much they indicated otherwise. So save yourself the time and heartache and eliminate these women quickly so you can get to the ones who are serious about meeting you.
2. It is a universal maxim that the longer you spend time talking to a chick on a dating site the lower your odds become of ever actually fucking her. Again, if you don't believe that, test it out, track the results, and you'll see for yourself.
Are there unusual and rare exceptions to the rule? Of course there are, but unless you're amazing at getting laid at online game, I wouldn't mess around with the women who "might be exceptions" until you really know what you're doing. Time is against you. That girl you're emailing on the dating site has you as the absolute lowest priority in her life. Her job, her school, her FB, her mom, that other guy she started dating, her makeup, her ex-BF, her girlfriends, her dog, all of those things are more important than you.
Give her enough time (as in more than about 24 hours), and I promise you something will suddenly "come up" with one of those, and you're gone. Don't. Waste. Time.
3. Contrary to popular belief, online is not where you game chicks. Real life is where you game chicks. Never once have I gotten laid because of my amazing online gaming skills. I get laid because I'm good at scheduling dates and my real-life game is solid. Online game's ONLY PURPOSE is to SCHEDULE DATES. Not game chicks, not "have fun", not "meet new friends", not "talk". That's why a lot of women are there. You are there to schedule dates. Otherwise get off the dating sites and go back to the clubs.
4. This might come as a shock to you, but a large percentage of women on dating sites, espeically the free ones, are not there to meet guys in real life or get laid. They're there for social validation. You need to weed these chicks out as fast as you can. Talking with these kinds of chicks online forever will make you go grey. Or gay.
Open lots of chicks, and by the second or third exchange, pitch that date or get her on your Facebook / texting / IM / email / whatever. One or the other. If she balks at either, move on.
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Cerberus 2011-05-09 13:53:01
I have found that the ones that terminate after the pitch can be recovered as well. I'm seeing an awesome HB8 who balked when I pitched the meet after 3 emails, only to suggest a meet herself when I reengaged a week later. Sometimes they just need some more time to feel comfortable.
Shinealight 2015-08-28 02:08:09
I think this article may need an update unless a missed a newer email on this topic. I just started on tinder. Im talking to a shitload of girls at once. I get laid plenty so i don't mind having 20 conversations going at once without scheduling dates. Theres something i like about having 20 broads text me a day. I am currently taking a month vaca. So yes i have a life and no i dont fall into every conversation trap. I just think the odds are better these days with technology. Please shine some light on this topic. Thanks
Blackdragon 2015-08-28 12:28:06
I think this article may need an update unless a missed a newer email on this topic. I just started on tinder.This article applies to dating sites, not dating apps. Tinder game is slightly different. I would also venture to guess that that you're a good-looking guy only messaging women within his own age group. When you've got those two things going for you, you can break a lot of the rules and still get results.
Minister 2016-08-31 03:41:28
I apply the Three Exchange Process in badoo and I get LOTS of rude responses, especially from women older than 35 (I am 25). I ask Style's question as a second message and here are some answers I get: -Does it really matter? -It looks like an interview and I don't want a job. -Do you expect it quick and easy? -I don't know what to say. -(answer related to their looks) I am seriously wondering if I should drop the convo at that point, since it never takes a better turn later. Also, I have a 1/10 success rate, IF I make it to 3rd message, which is the pitch. It it a good statistic?
Blackdragon 2016-08-31 11:15:17
Stop messaging women over 33. Not sure how many times I have to say it.
Minister 2016-08-31 23:31:00
Yes ok, but I am young and there is a different dynamics here. In my age they see me as lover, not a provider, material, right? Also, is 1/10 success rate good enough?
Blackdragon 2016-09-01 10:08:32
Yes ok, but I am young and there is a different dynamics here. In my age they see me as lover, not a provider, material, right?I don't know how old you are. If you're 22, yeah. If you're 28, no.
Also, is 1/10 success rate good enough?You said that only applies to if you make it to the third message, and presumably you're usually aren't making it that far. So based on that, no.
Minister 2016-09-02 06:18:46
I don’t know how old you are.I am 25 and I say 26, in my profile.
You said that only applies to if you make it to the third message, and presumably you’re usually aren’t making it that far. So based on that, no.Well, I can't do anything for the fact that they radio silence in the 2nd message. My profile is optimal with professional pics, other nice photos and profile text. Maybe if I was naturally more handsome, things would be different. I consider myself average to slightly above. Maybe Style 's question is a little hard to answer and I should try out something simpler As a standalone statistic, is it good? I would like to know what would be the expected number of agreed dates in proportion to pitches. Thanks in advance.
C 2016-11-14 01:39:53
Can you define 'exchange' please? Girl: blah Guy: Uh huh ^^ Girl blah Guy Uh huh ^^ Girl blah Guy - 3rd exchange? Or are you talking about the 3rd conversation?
Blackdragon 2016-11-14 10:45:56
Girl: blah Guy: Uh huh ^^ Girl blah Guy Uh huh ^^ Girl blah Guy – 3rd exchange?Correct. However, this is only for dating sites like OKCupid, not dating apps like Tinder or Bumble. For dating apps, you need more back-and-forth before you pitch.
Johnny Ringo 2018-02-02 00:44:58
You mention getting them off the apps and onto something like Facebook to "continue the conversation", but what conflicts for me is that statement vs "if you are online you are wasting time". Most of my Facebook messages in the past have failed because I talked too much, was way too Alpha 1 when they got pissy, didn't have a question or call to action, was too me me me, was too sarcastic as I have a very sharp wit, or I posted way too much about libertarian politics and few understand or appreciate such high minded stuff. lol Question is: What purpose do you have in moving the conversation to Facebook? Follow up Question: What's the value of talking back and forth with her online at all (EVER, unless it's an emergency) unless you are doing a 3 text exchange to set up a meet?
Anon 2018-02-02 05:46:58
Question is: What purpose do you have in moving the conversation to Facebook?To move you from the "some stranger on a dating site" category into a closer category.
Follow up Question: What’s the value of talking back and forth with her online at all (EVER, unless it’s an emergency) unless you are doing a 3 text exchange to set up a meet?To increase the likelihood of the first date success. BD calls this "comfort bombardment".