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When She Ignores You
I had sex with a new gal about a week ago. That's not news; I get laid a lot. However, how it happened is very interesting and teaches a lot about how women work this whole dating thing. If you're a regular reader, you know that a few months back I did a huge online dating blitz where I sent out a bunch of openers, got a bunch of first dates, and laid a few new women. I posted about the results and my experiences.
-By Caleb Jones
One girl from that big online blitz a few months back was a cute gal in her early 20's. I can't give a lot of detail about her other than to say that she's hot, about an 8 on my scale. During our email and text conversations, she was very excited to meet me. She ended up cancelling on our first date anyway. So far, very normal. Approximately 40% of all my first dates are either cancelled or rescheduled by the woman, since women are terrible at keeping sechedules in their personal lives and men they have not had sex with yet are extremely low on their list of priorities.
So no problem. We just rescheduled. She was excited. A few days later, she canceled again. Over the next several weeks, when I would occasionally text her, we would fluff talk briefly, and I'd pitch a meetup again. Her answer was always something very non-specific, like "That would be fun!" or "Maybe next week" or "I might be able to do that", but she never actually got around to committing to date/time/place.
So I put her on the slow track list on my spreadsheet, making sure to text her about once every 10 to 20 days or so, and added her as a friend on Facebook. She would always keep the contact going, was always positive and interested, but was always "too busy" to meet up.
For a few weeks it went like this. I was already getting laid often (as always) so I really didn't care. I never bothers me when a woman does this, because I'm always working on (and getting sex from) multiple women. Soon, she changes her Facebook status to "In A Relationship". Like I was surprised.
I simply nodded and moved her name from the slow track list to the "do not contact" list. There is no point in contacting a woman who is currently experiencing NRE with a new man in her life. She's in relationship-Disneyland at the moment and is not interested in hearing from you. Instead, just make a note, fuck other chicks, and patiently wait. A few months went by. Then one day, right on schedule, she changes her status back to "Single" and puts all kinds of whiny dramatic breakup crap on her Facebook page, the kind we always see all the time there.
A quick aside about Facebook. I've come to realize that 90% of Facebook is made up of four things:
1. People talking about how in love they are with their BF or GF and how great everything is.
2. People (usually females) whining and bitching about a breakup they're going through.
3. AFCs commenting on girl's pics telling them how hot they are.
4. Married women commenting on other married women's pics about how cute their kids are.
I'm serious. That's what Facebook has become. Facebook has become so predictable and repetitive I begin to tire of it. Google+ can't get here fast enough. Anyway, as I read the same breakup stuff I've seen women post a million times, I get a big evil smile on my face and put an reminder in my phone to go off in 48 hours. 48 hours later it goes off and boom, I text her.
Now here's the important part. She was suddenly dying to meet me. She couldn't that evening because of family stuff but the following evening she was getting off work at midnight and wanted to meet up then, right after work. When I mentioned that was a little late, she begged and pleaded to meet up with me. It was amazing. She even said that if that night couldn't work to "please give me another chance!". I reluctantly agreed, expecting her to cancel like she had so many times before.
Well, wouldn'tcha know it? Right at midnight, she was there at the 24 hour restaurant, waiting for me. She even showed up early. Within an hour I was kinoing her and caressing her beautiful face. No kiss though. I don't do that on a first quick meet (especially when it's past midnight and I'm half asleep already). She didn't want anything to eat. I just drank water. Grand total cost of the first date: three bucks (a tip I left for the waiter out of politeness because we were taking up the table). We met up again a few days later and were having sex within about 45 minutes...without me spending any more money.
Quite a change from her earlier blow-off behavior, isn't it?
So weeks and weeks of dorking around with scheduling a date vs. immediately meeting me and fucking me in less than three days and in less than three hours total meet-to-lay. A few lessons to learn from this:
1. If a woman wants to meet up with you, she will. She will make the time. If she's being very nice to you but constantly giving you excuses why she can't schedule a meet, she doesn't want to meet up with you. At least, not at this time in her life. Stop wasting your time with her. Place her on the slow track (or forget her completely) and focus on other women.
2. If a woman is being nice but blowing you off, this almost always means there is another guy in the picture. This very, very common, especially in online game, where those chicks on the dating sites may not be quite as "single" as they present themselves to be. It could be a full-on boyfriend, or an ex-boyfriend, or a fuck buddy, or a new guy she just started dating, or something completely different, but trust me, there's guy in there somewhere. She will NOT tell you this.
Because of ASD and societal programming, the fact she's even talking to you is "bad" in her mind. So she's just going to keep being nice and stringing you along, keeping your attention for as long as possible (since attention is what women crave most in life). Again, move on.
3. Years ago when I was a young AFC, a hot blonde chick I used to work with told me a joke while she was bitching about her boyfriend. She said, "What do women and computers have in common? They always have backups." I don't care how much your girlfriend/lover says she loves you...if she's not already cheating on you then at least there is another guy she's got in the "backup" box that she's hiding right around the corner whom she's going to fuck as soon as you piss her off. (Whether or not she breaks up with you first depends on the woman and the circumstances.)
This is normal and you need to accept the fact this is how women work. And let's be honest...if you have a girlfriend (or similar) you're probably doing the same damn thing. If you have a mono-GF, this is of course is bad. But if you're a poly guy like me, this is fantastic. One of the many reasons I get laid as much as I do is that I am that number-two "backup" guy to a lot of women who currently have temporary boyfriends (or husbands!). Something to think about.
4. If a woman you're working on suddenly gets into a relationship with a guy, don't worry about it. Remember, monogamy doesn't work. People just want it to work. It won't last very long, especially if she's under age 35 or so. Just make a note of her, ignore her for a few months, and re-acquire her later after she breaks up. I have done this many times with many women of all ages and it works extremely well.
5. If a woman you're working on suddenly gets into a relationship with a guy, stop contacting her completely . She's in NRE now. To her, he's new and therefore exciting and full of promise. She thinks she's finally found the The One™, the Love Of Her Life™, and the Man Of Her Dreams™. Women LSNFTE me all the time because they get excited about some New Guy. He is consuming 100% of her energies and fantasies at this point, so contacting her during this phase is a massive waste of your time. Just wait, and let her have her temporary NRE.
In a few months she'll discover he's either a boring needy jealous AFC or a cheating Alpha. If he's an AFC, she'll dump his ass. If he's a cheating Alpha, he'll hurt and infuriate her. Either way, that's when you make your move and get results. Until then, consider her off-limits for a while and keep working on and/or fucking other women. This new gal is little too high-drama and low-intelligence for an MLTR, but she'll make a fantastic FB. Which is perfect since I just had to recently next one of my other FBs. Yea, the Lord doth provideth abundance!
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N 2011-07-20 04:20:39
I usually agree with everything you write, and this post is no exception. However two points: Firstly: > A quick aside about Facebook. I’ve come to realize that 90% of Facebook is made up of > four things: > 1. People talking about how in love they are with their BF or GF and how great everything is. > 2. People (usually females) whining and bitching about a breakup they’re going through. > 3. AFCs commenting on girl’s pics telling them how hot they are. > 4. Married women commenting on other married women’s pics about how cute their kids > are. I’m serious. That’s what Facebook has become. Really? You and I are using VERY different facebooks. This is my unadulterated FB feed: - new picture of holiday - online cartoon link - event - arty pic - new apartment pics - political comment on Cameron/NewsCorp - NYTimes Article - Holiday Pic - Wedding pic - Picnic Pic - X says to Y where are you, lets meet - Z just purchased the next George RR Martin - TV series comment - political link to a blog - Self-promotion for startup ... Those are literally the top 15 posts on my FB. Maybe one of the advantages of making 90% of my friends at university? (I know you're against college, which is a wholly other debate that needs to take place) Maybe it's because you, as you have stated yourself, value chicks and children over social-type friendships, which is a totally OK choice. To me FB is actually a very useful tool for keeping in touch with friends around the globe, many of which I visit frequently. On the whole I don't get the hating on FB thing. Secondly: > 5. If a woman you’re working on suddenly gets into a relationship with a guy, stop contacting > her completely . She’s in NRE now. To her, he’s new and therefore exciting and full of > promise. She thinks she’s finally found the The One™, the Love Of Her Life™, and the Man > Of Her Dreams™. OR she's gone from fun-mode to active golddigging mode. If Mr New is rich and takes her out to Hawaii or similar, and she can't wait to get a non-prenup marriage going. She might still be looking for some strange on the side, but usually not before the marriage paperwork is through. Ask me how I know 🙂 N
ARD 2011-07-21 07:44:14
N, My Facebook page is a lot like yours. However, most people's are not. This is particularly true of most women's Facebook pages. Kudos on swooping in snatching up that gold digger. But that situation was probably a bit different than the scenario BD is describing...I'm betting that girl did not stop contacting you or start flaking after she found some AFC to invite her into his wallet. In situations where you're not getting the traction you need I think its very important to let things play out and then start over when the circumstances are different...otherwise you run the risk of setting up a needy, desperate frame and never getting a lay that you could have had easily if you just waited a little while for the girl to become available.
Blackdragon 2011-07-21 12:01:08
A little off-topic here but the thing I've hated about Facebook from the very first day I started using it years ago is there is there is no real grouping allowed ("circles" as Google+ calls them). I may want to make a photo upload or a wall post that I want my family to see but not my clients, or one I may want my women to see but no one else. Can't do that in Facebook. So Facebook is forever stuck being a one-mode system. Some guys, like you guys, have it strictly as a "college friends" tool. Other people have it strictly as a family tool. Mine is almost 100% a dating and relationship management tool. But it can't be all three at once. Once you pick one "social mode", you're more or less stuck with that, and that's what I hate about it. Yes, I have some family and old high school friends on there, but that's a smaller percentage of my friends list and if I start focusing on them, Facebook will lose a lot of its effectiveness in its primary purpose, which is to get me laid. Facebook is a great 1.0 system. But it's strictly that, a 1.0 system. Can't wait for the 2.0 (which hopefully will be Google+).
ETA 2015-09-04 18:39:01
It's so true that women have someone else in a box somewhere. This pretty little girl from my home country(I live in the US now), broke up from her alpha man(he cheated on her), tried to lock me in through FB(gold digger mode), dated a paper alpha and finally decided to settle in with her orbiting beta of two years! She's one of the nicest girls I know yet she's right there on the same level as any other female when it comes to playing her cards with alphas and betas. What's (not so) surprising is that she's from a Mediterranean country and fairly old fashioned with dating culture, yet her feminine primacy doesn't lack any characteristics from that of a western woman!
Hustler 2016-09-15 11:46:19
You're a professional Side Nigga. Do you have a template of your spreadsheet we can use? I never keep track with women I'm gaming except for 'how long did it take for her to reply' number. And 'whens the last we were together in person' number. Having a column for DO NOT CONTACT and LSNFTE would help me keep track of women I normally have just throw away entirely thanks
Blackdragon 2016-09-15 13:07:30
Do you have a template of your spreadsheet we can use?Right here.
Niteride Mick 2016-12-07 21:35:00
Facebook is a time waster Watch people in restaurants taking pics of. what there about to eat yikes why bother Then if your on facebook you get all these alerts of what Fred Nerk is about to put in his big gob Then there is all the friends of friends who want to be your friend So if I ask friend of friends can you help me move house Don't get a reply Strange people are !!!
CurtsNOKC 2017-01-21 07:58:23
@blackdragon Do you think it's possible to take an old mono GF (I don't this anymore) that had nasty breakup and transition her to me as her plan b now? While dating she knew I didn't want to be exclusive and her tests never worked on me is why it didn't work out. So if anything my frame was an Alpha 1 while we were dating. So, have you ever dated ex GFs again after a bad breakup and what was the key to making this work and reshaping yourself in her mind as Alpha 2? Thx
Blackdragon 2017-01-21 11:35:32
Do you think it’s possible to take an old mono GF (I don’t this anymore) that had nasty breakup and transition her to me as her plan b now?https://blackdragonblog.com/2016/09/15/theres-one-girl/
Sam 2018-08-15 19:58:39
@Blackdragon The idea that if there is already a man in a woman’s life, then she will string other guys along “for attention” is an oversimplification. Sure, many women do exactly that- consciously. The rest fall somewhere along a spectrum of awareness and ignorance. But many women accused of “stringing guys along for attention” would much rather not receive the attention. However, despite being the gender said to be “more socially developed”, they can still find themselves lacking in social skills. Many demonstrate avoidance behaviors because they do not know how to go about rejecting unwanted advances with grace. Women are taught from a young age to “be nice”. If unsure how to do so, they tend to “flee” or “freeze” until the situation resolves itself- often with results that end up perpetrating more hurt over a longer period of time. Teaching social skills to young children that include behaviors like rejecting unwanted advances with grace or accepting a rejection with dignity would be a game-changer. The “enhanced explanation” is perhaps preferable because it can de-pedestal some women because it demonstrates that they too would benefit from extra lessons in social skills and the dating world. That’s it. Great article.
Al 2019-12-03 21:11:45
The idea that if there is already a man in a woman’s life, then she will string other guys along “for attention” is an oversimplification. I disagree. Women are quite ruthless when it comes to no longer wanting u yet still crave attention. They may not be self aware but that doesn't change the ruthlessness of their behavior. Proof ? Go NC and they almost always throw a fit or come back
Sam 2019-12-03 21:49:05
That is not proof, Al. At most, one would call that “evidence”. Confirmation Bias: You would undoubtedly notice the women who throw a fit and come back. You are less likely to notice those who behave otherwise.