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Fun With Logic: Why People WANT Drama
Please Lord, give me more drama in my romantic life. Ah-ha! THIS guy should do it... I already made a post about Doug Hutchison, the 51 year-old actor who married a 16 year-old. Since then I've read about Linda Hogan, who days after separating from her ex husband Hulk Hogan, started fucking a 19 year-old high school friend of her daughter's (who was a year older than the dude). Apparently now they're engaged to be married.
-By Caleb Jones
Question: Could Linda Hogan (or Doug Hutchison, et. al.) honestly think that kind of relationship would not eventually result in massive drama?
I'm not just talking about May-December relationships where people get involved with much younger (or older) people. It's obviously not a secret that I happen to be a fan of those kinds of relationships (keeping in mind long-term monogamy doesn't work and should not be expected no matter what your age is). Here's a few other famous examples where age has nothing to do with it:
Angelina Jolie is almost universally hated by other women in Hollywood because she was having a serious romantic relationship with Brad Pitt during his marriage to Jennifer Aniston. Did she or Brad think that kind of relationship would not result in massive drama for both of them?
People have forgotten that three women have actually married Charlie Sheen. Not some open or swinging OLTR marriage, but an honest-to-god traditional monogamous marriage. To Charlie Sheen. Everyone knew he was a psycho well before his first marriage (when he fucking SHOT his fiancee in the arm). Did he or they really expect that to work? Did these women really expect a traditional marriage to a man like Sheen to be a low-drama experience?
I once watched an interview with Vivica Fox (one of the most attractive black women in recent history by the way...mmmmm) where she was going on and on about how confused she was that her relationship with her boyfriend was so full of drama and problems. The boyfriend she was talking about? 50 CENT(!). Um...this is a guy who sells cocaine, beats people up, and goes out of his way to stir up drama with other rappers. Yet she was just totally confused why she was having drama with him.
Now I know what you're thinking:
1. Oh c'mon, BD. Those people are stupid. Smart people don't do shit like that.
2. Those are all famous people people trying to stir up publicity.
Let me deal with item number two first. Yes, some famous people in drama situations are indeed probably trying to stir up publicity. Some. But most? If you dig a little deeper in this stuff you'll find it very unlikely this is all for publicity.
To use just one example (and I could use many), what about all the women who get beat up by their drama-ridden boyfriends? Do you really think Rihanna was trying to stir up publicity when she got her ass handed to her by Chris Brown? Brad and Angelina have been together for years now and have all these damn kids. Do you really think they don't love each other and are together just for the publicity? As I said, I'll cede you on the publicity angle...but only somewhat. There's more to it than that.
Regarding the "only stupid people get involved in dramatic relationships". Ha! Oh, wrong, wrong, wrong. In the interviews I've seen, neither Angelina or Vivica seem any less intelligent than the typical emotional woman. Most importantly, I'm just using Hollywood examples so that you and I can relate to the same thing. Instead, think through your own life about intelligent people you know (or have ever known) who got into relationships that were clearly drama-prone from the very beginning.
I'm serious. Stop and think about that for a minute. I bet you know plenty of reasonably intelligent, experienced, capable people who got into a relationship, and your very first thought was "Damn...that's not going to end well." I know TONS of smart people who really do know better (or should!), men and women both, who entered into romantic relationships that everyone clearly knew would eventually result in massive, massive drama.
1. Take a reasonably smart, experienced person.
2. Smart, experienced person gets into a relationship with new person. Sadly, it's usually a monogamous one.
3. All of person's friends and family clearly see that it's a relationship that will result in massive drama.
4. Most women who know the person keep quiet about this and instead pat the person on the back, congratulating him/her on their exciting new relationship. Often there are vicarious feelings in these women, particularly if there is a marriage, baby, wealthy man (even if he's a horrible asshole), or cohabitation involved.
5. Some men who know the person warn the person about the mistake they're making.
6. Person blows it off as "Oh, don't worry, that won't happen to me because I know what I'm doing."
7. Massive relationship drama ensues. No one is surprised.
8. Person goes out of his/her way to advertise the drama to everyone they know (this is especially true if person is female, but men do it also).
9. More drama, drama, drama.
10. Relationship ends. Usually badly and with much hard feelings.
11. Intelligent person is amazed at how "stupid" they were.
How do you explain this?
My explanation is that most people actually like drama, at least to some degree. Therefore their drama-seeking brains will seek out people who will make dramatic partners so they can get their drama-quotient filled. I also think it's an issue of degree. Some people like "some" drama, while other people are off-the-chart drama queens (and remember, men can be drama queens too).
One of my key techniques in having long-lasting, low-drama open relationships with women is to teach women not to "never have drama", but instead to get their drama needs fulfilled by other people in their lives who are not me.
For example, my strongly subcommunicated message to them is "Instead of throwing drama at me, throw it at your mom, your boss, your girlfriends, the other guys you fuck (who are almost always AFCs or needy Alphas), the other guys who want to fuck you (orbiters), co-workers, etc. But when you're spending time with me, you need to be happy and stay that way, or you're out." This technique works in part because of my understanding that most people, women especially, need drama.
There's also a school of thought, one I tend to agree with, that to a certain degree people can't even help themselves. To quote Dr. Howard Rankin from Huffington Post. What drives our behavior is not logic but brain biochemistry, habits and addiction, states of consciousness and what we see people around us doing. We are emotional beings with the ability to rationalize -- not rational beings with emotions. If we are stressed, depressed or addicted, no matter how good the advice we are given, chances are that we will not be able to act on it. The more primitive, emotional brain generally has precedence over the newer, more rational brain.
Amen. If my battles over the years regarding the monogamy debate are any indication, very intelligent and experienced people can (and often do) become slaves to their biology and emotions even if they logically know they're full of shit. I think a significant percentage of the population LIKES DRAMA, even if they say they hate it. I think people like me who hate drama enough to instantly soft next their partners any time any drama appears are an unusual minority. That explains this phenomoinon of intelligent people purposely getting into relationships like this. Of course that's just a guess I could be wrong. If you disagree and have another explanation for this, I'd love to hear it.
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TouchAndGo 2011-07-22 04:20:50
I think most people love drama just because their lives are really fucking boring, also they want attention. I'm not sure about this but I think more betaized males love drama more than alphas. Alphas love being in control not drama.
ARD 2011-07-22 08:12:00
This description applies to many people. But I think the majority of man who end up in drama-filled relationships are in that situation because they suffer from a scarcity mentality. This even applies to some women. If a person had the attitude that drama is unacceptable, that they are not going to tolerate any significant levels of drama, and are willing to implement at the very least a soft next in response to anything above minor levels of drama....then that person would not be in a drama-filled relationship. Obviously that is not the case. But hey, that's why we read your blog! -An rAFC
VJ 2015-12-25 13:47:51
One of your best blogs so far, shame so few comments.
CatLord 2016-12-04 13:52:04
I spent a lot of time trying to understand why women (but you're right, turns out it's not just women) are so prone to drama. Because, frankly, I hate drama. What I found was that most personality types consider drama (sometimes consciously and sometimes subconsciously) as a form of entertainment. Some consider it a verification of or a means to increase or express their own importance. Many engage in drama simply because that's what they saw others doing when they grew up, and so they developed a subconscious belief set that results in drama simply because they never thought to ask "Why drama?" (Usually these are the low class and/or low intelligence ones.) I have a FWB who loves drama, and for a long time, she would come to me and try to involve me in it. Then I got wise and stopped that, so she would come to me and "ask for advice on it". But she never, ever takes my advice - she says she "likes to learn the hard way, just to be sure". In the 15 years we have known one another, I have never, ever been wrong when I give her advice. But, not being a man who has time to waste on morons, I stopped giving her advice or even listening to her BS. Now we just have sex occasionally, and she brings me other females to have sex with once in a while. And life is good.
ValterPF 2018-07-03 08:53:45
> "How do you explain this?" I believe a third common explanation is they believe to be special, different, unique. So they see other people doing the same mistakes over and over, but they believe to be smarter or better than others, so they won't fall for the same mistake. Of course, they mostly do. 🙂 And when you point out to them all their little foolish mistakes, what do they do? Do they acknowledge and admit them? Oh no; they will tell you "You don't understand, it's not like that, it's because..." and they go on with the blame game. Even in front of evidence, they want to believe they are different and better than they really are. Of course women excel at this, but it happens to lots of men too. The same happens with One-itis: they strongly want to think their loved one is so special, and their case is unique - even when all friends say the opposite. This belief of being special and different - even in the face of opposite evidence - is one of the most irrational and baffling human behavior. Oh these earthlings! 😀