First Online Date Advice

Bad First Date

Get Free Email Updates!

Join us for FREE to get instant email updates!


First Online Date Advice

A short while ago, one of my brothers, who lives in the California bay area with millions of people and mountains of super hot chicks, set up a first date online (via Facebook of all places) with a girl who lived 15 hours away driving distance. The illogic of that alone should knock you off your chair.  It knocked me off my chair when he mustered up the balls to tell me he did this.

-By Caleb Jones

If you live in a small town with a small number of women on the dating sites then I understand the need to drive longer distances to make things happen.  However these guys who live in full-on cities with piles of women who go online and set up first dates hours and hours away with complete just don't understand it.  I asked my brother to explain it logically and he couldn't.

I could do an entire post just on doing that, but his story isn't over yet.

So he drives 15 hours straight to go see this Perfect Girl Who Is Better Than The Ugly Girls In My City™.  He had never met her in real life and never talked to her other than over Facebook.  Jesus.  The cost of gas alone makes me puke.  That's one expensive first date.  To think my typical first date costs around $12 (when I spend money at at all).

He shows up the cool bar where they were to meet (at least he did that right).


She actually shows up!  Amazing!  However she shows up with her sister and her best friend.

If you have any real dating experience I don't even need to tell you the rest of the story.

He buys all of them drinks.  (Ugh.  Kill me.)  The sister then proceeds to lay into him with all kinds of Nazi-like interrogation questions.  "Don't you think it's a little weird to be hitting a girl up on Facebook like that?"  "What do you actually DO for a living?"  "Why did you happen to pick MY sister?"  And on and on.   Within 10 minutes all three girls get up and leave.

My bro paid for all the undrinked drinks and started the long, painful 15 hour drive home.

Now before you think "OMG your brother is such a pussy!" (which he is), realize that I have heard many stories like this from many men.  Many otherwise normal guys drive (or fly!) long distances for first dates with complete strangers with no assurance anything will result.

Here are some specific things you can do to make sure you don't get screwed (in the bad way) on an online first date:

1. I don't care where you live or what kind of city you live in.  If you live in a metropolitan area of at least 700,000 people or so, there are plenty of women online in your area and there is no need to drive longer than about an hour to meet any type of woman you want.

I live in an area of around 1 million people and I have a hard rule that I will NOT drive longer than 45 minutes from my house for a first date with someone I have never met in person.  If a woman lives futher away, she needs to meet me somewhere in that radius or the deal is off and I'm off to the next woman.

2. If you do live in a small town, I'm sorry to say online game can only be a supplement to your dating efforts.  You'll need to also learn daygame and/or social circle game.  There will probably not be enough women online for you to play with unless your standards for attractiveness are much lower.

My point here is learning daygame and social circle game with online game as a supplement is FAR, FAR better than driving 5 hours one-way every time you need to go out on a first date.  Of course, my recommendation is always to move to a larger metropolitan area if getting laid is a priority in your life.

3. When setting up the first date make it clear to women, while being nice, that you expect her to be there.  If she can't make it, you expect her to call you well in advance at let you know.  Yes, I have said this (nicely) to many women, especially the younger ones or the ones that seem more disorganized or flighty.

4. Never, ever, ever agree to a date where a woman "brings a friend".  I mean it.  Never do this.  Please raise your hand if you've ever had sex with a woman you met in real life for the first time when she brought a friend to the first date.  I don't see any hands.

If she suggests this, say something like "I understand your concern but meeting each other with a friend there is a little weird.  Tell you what.  If you're a little nervous, that's fine.  Let's meet at XXXX which is a very public place, and if you feel uncomfortable, you can leave within a few minutes and I promise I won't take it personally and I won't give you a hard time about it."  If she still insists on bringing a friend, forget her and MOVE ON.  Having sex with you quickly is not on her mind, believe me.

5. Sometimes women will show up with a friend without telling you.  If you set the stage like I talk about in step 3 above, this is rare.  I have been on way over 100 first dates just from online dating alone (this does not count dates I've gotten from social circle game, daygame, etc) and it's happened to me a grand total of one time.  (No, I did not end up sleeping with her as you can imagine.)

If a woman actually does show up with a friend without warning you in advance, the date is already blown.  Be nice, be polite, talk to both of them for about ten minutes, then tell them you "have to go" and get the hell out of there.  It's a waste of your time to spend any time with women like this unless your dating goal is to meet more platonic female friends.  Not to mention the fact she lied to you.

6. Keep the her expectations for the first date casual.  My system is to always meet a woman at a fancy bar where you buy her one drink and yourself one drink.  That's two drinks, well under $20 even if you live in a more expensive city.  If she's too young for a bar use a cool deli or cool coffee shop where you by her one drink and yourself one drink.

NO dinner dates for the first date.  NO "event" first dates (like a play or a movie).  NO "romantic" first dates (women over age 33 will often push for those so be careful).  Keep your first dates simple, casual, and low-cost. This will actually help a woman's comfort level in meeting you (and help weed out the gold diggers too).

7. When setting up the first date with her via email, texting, or whatever, keep your frame polite but strong.  Women have very strong pussy-detectors and needy-guy-detectors.  If she senses you're the kind of guy who will agree to her sister and best friend and mom showing up at the first date with her, she'll go for it.  Don't let her think that.  Be nice, but be firm.

Do the things necessarily to not waste your time on first dates.  Don't waste your life on it.

Want over 35 hours of how-to podcasts on how to improve your woman life and financial life? Want to be able to coach with me twice a month? Want access to hours of technique-based video and audio? The SMIC Program is a monthly podcast and coaching program where you get access to massive amounts of exclusive, members-only Alpha 2.0 content as soon as you sign up, and you can cancel whenever you want. Click here for the details.
This article was originally published on August 25, 2011


  • Hellin 2011-08-25 14:57:56

    Your saying; "Buy her one drink, and one for yourself". Whaaat? Why buy her a drink? She can pay for it herself.. or are you referring to, you buy a round, and she buys the next? Confused**

  • Blackdragon 2011-08-25 15:18:11

    I can tell you from years of testing things both ways (paying for both drinks or making her pay for her own) that your odds of a lay are much higher if you just spend the six bucks and buy her stupid drink. Yes a lot of women won't care if you make them by their own, but plenty will, and it will just create a conversation as to why you aren't buying her drink. Or worse, she'll remember your "transgression" and use it against you later. Either way you lose the lay. There's nothing wrong with make a manly moral stand on principle, but if your goal is to get laid, you're better off just buying that drink. That being said, remember I said ONE drink. You don't by her DINNER. You don't by her MANY DRINKS. ONE DRINK. Then get the hell out of there and lay her on the second date within 30 minutes without having to spend anything more. Massively, massively field-tested.

  • Hellin 2011-08-28 08:12:16

    I see! Thank you for the answer, BD 🙂

  • Jhon 2013-04-03 13:11:23

    why the girls have this obsession to bring her friends to a first date? i know they often want to do it but i don´t know the psychological principle of why. it is no more logical for her (even for chick logic lol) to stay alone with a guy she likes, because if she brings friends to the date maybe the guy could like more one of her friends or one of her friends can screw the date or something like that?

  • Alexander 2017-01-24 18:05:44

    4. Never, ever, ever agree to a date where a woman “brings a friend”.  I mean it.  Never do this.  Please raise your hand if you’ve ever had sex with a woman you met in real life for the first time when she brought a friend to the first date.  I don’t see any hands.   Funnily enough, when I was still new to all of this I met a girl from pof where she brought her friends (another couple) and went bowling with us. Since I was still new I understand now how terrible of an idea that is, but that was then and this is now. After bowling we went to Steak'N'Shake (I made sure to drive my gal and the couple drove themselves, so at least I did that right). Told them I would drive her back to her car afterwards and then we went on a quick detour to my apartment and she stayed the night. This has never happened ever again, but I think it's hilarious that when I was new I pulled it off, even if it was a fluke 😛

  • Don_Quibollox 2017-01-24 19:56:45

    @Alexander Yeah, I've got away with it too, but only once. She became a regular FB but eventually the friend I first met her with interfered too much and I dropped her. In some highly social cultures - I'm thinking Filipinas, here - it will seem weird to them that you don't want to meet their friends even on the first date. Always now I say no and politely suggest an alternative, one-to-one date, but usually that means I don't get to meet them at all. So what, though? Plenty of girls out there are (almost) adults and don't need a chaperone.

  • alphanic 2017-04-02 11:43:51

    In some highly social cultures – I’m thinking Filipinas, here – it will seem weird to them that you don’t want to meet their friends even on the first date. Always now I say no and politely suggest an alternative, one-to-one date, but usually that means I don’t get to meet them at all. So what, though? Plenty of girls out there are (almost) adults and don’t need a chaperone.
    Hey Don, I'm also from the Philippines currently looking for other Alpha 2.0s to hang with. Which part of the Philippines are you from?

  • Don_Quibollox 2017-04-03 01:39:04

    @alphanic I don't live in the Philippines. I have visited there and I've dated a lot of Filipinas working abroad.