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Text Game Part 2
Part one of my series on text game is here. If you have not read part one, stop right now and go do that so you can put the rest of this series in context. This system works, but if you keep texting her after the breakup, you FUCK ALL OF THIS UP. Don't do it. I know it can be hard. Man up. You'll be glad you did.
-By Caleb Jones
Most guys initiate texting way too much. Too much is bad. I'd much rather you text a girl too little than too much. In many cases, it's NOT texting that will get you laid. Let me repeat the four key frames you should have at all times when texting:
Keeping those in mind, here are the most common areas in which guys send a text when they shouldn't.
1. Right after a first date. After driving away from a first date, guys will send a text saying something like "You're really cool. It was fun meeting you." NO! No, no, no! That's not outcome independent. Instead it demonstrates neediness, which is the opposite of OI. You do not want to be sending texts like this to a woman pre-lay. The best case scenario is that you'll accomplish nothing.
The worst case is that you will reduce her attraction for you. When the date is done, SEND HER NOTHING. Radio silence! If she sends you a text like that, that's great. It's what I've always called that the Ultimate IOI (Indicator of Interest), and that probably means you're getting laid, and you should definitely respond, but YOU should not be initiating a text like that.
If you hear nothing from her within the next 24 to 48 hours, THEN send her a text. Make sure it's confident and outcome independent and non-needy! And the funnier the better. The best thing to do is to refer back to an in-joke the two of your shared during the date. Just don't send her a text the same evening as the date!
2. After she breaks up or LSNFTEs you. What do most guys do with their girlfriends who dump them? You know the answer. You see it all the time. Perhaps YOU have even done it. What happens is they text the poor gal 10,000 times a day with messages ranging from "I love you I miss you" to "I'm sorry I won't do it again please give me another chance" to "You're a fucking bitch and you treat people like shit." ALL of these messages are equally bad. By sending ANY of those kinds of texts, you are decreasing the odds that she will ever sleep with you again.
Instead, after a chick LSNFTEs you or truly "breaks up" with you, if she actually does it over texting, regardless of how angry or hurt or disappointed you are, just respond with something like "Ok. I wish you the best!" then DON'T EVER INITIATE A TEXT CONVERSATION WITH HER AGAIN for at least two months.
Listen to me. I know what I'm talking about here. Here's a real statistic from my life: So far, after years in the game, 100% of every woman I have slept with at least twice and who did not move far away (that's not a small list) have eventually returned to me sexually after LSNFTEing me or "breaking up" with me, and this radio silence policy is one of the key reasons why.
If she texts you before two months is up, you can respond to her only if she is not texting to talk about the breakup. If she is, ignore her texts, don't respond, and move on with your life. That alone may attract her enough to want to see you again. I'm serious about that.
If she's texting to hang out again, great. Respond, do NOT talk about the breakup in any way, schedule a meet, meet up, and escalate to sex as quickly as possible.
If you've read any of my stuff, the reason for this should be obvious. Women chase what runs away. Women get bored with men who kiss their asses. It's just the way they're designed. Worse, women also will start expecting more submissive beta/provider/boyfriend behaviors and will be issuing more "relationships rules" to men who treat them like girlfriends or queens.
Again, I know it's tough sometimes to not act like a love-struck pussy during NRE. Hey, NRE is fantastic. I've been there too, many times. But I'm always able to keep a handle on my Alpha EFA regardless. My life and my mission are greater than any one woman, and always will be, regardless of how much I may love that special someone.
4. When you're pissed off. I first started using email way back in 1991, years before the internet was in general use. It was an internal corporate email system I used at my job. I discovered very quickly that when you're angry, there is no "filter" to email like there is when you're talking to someone in real life.
When the person you're mad at isn't standing in front of you and you're just typing on a screen, you can really have some balls. You can just let all the range and frustration fly and just e-scream your little head off. I was a young hothead back then, and I often got into hot water with my superiors because of my childish, emotional, e-toughguy emails. Rightly so.
I had to learn that when you're angry, that's exactly when you DON'T want to type a message to someone who is not in front of you. You'll just end up annoying everyone AND looking really fucking stupid. I am simply astounded at the number of adults who haven't figured this out yet...because you see this on the internet constantly. Some guy reads something, gets furious, immediately types out an email, forum post, blog comment, or whatever, without thinking at all and hits "post". Then when he calms down he realizes what he's done and how stupid and childish he looks, in a panic goes back and deletes his post or edits out the bad parts.
Dumb. Or worse, he doesn't do this, and his 60 seconds of immature rage is now emblazoned on the internet for all to see in perpetuity. In either case it's silly.
The problem with texts is you can't even do that. As soon as you say "Bullshit you're a fuckin liar Jennifer and you know it," and hit send, you're FUCKED. There's no taking it back. And if you try to "explain what you meant", you look even worse (because now you're an asshole and a pussy).
Just like with sarcasm, a person can't see your body language or hear your voice when texting, so when you say something angry, it's amplified about ten times. She'll get pissed off / offended / frustrated / whatever, respond with her own angry texts, and now you've entered into a death spiral of drama. Remember "low-drama" is one of the core frames to have with women when texting. Texting angry drama is always a no-win situation for you. Always. There's much more to say about text game. Stay tuned for the third part in the text game series coming soon.
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Tony D (Zardoz) 2011-09-11 16:48:50
Bd. This is awesome. I have screwed up so many texts by being angry. I wrote a big guide to texting on the philosophy of not texting, or waiting. Check it out http://www.absoluteability.com/tag/texting/
Chase 2011-09-12 00:58:02
After driving away from a first date, guys will send a text saying something like “You’re really cool. It was fun meeting you.” NO! No, no, no! Shit. I literally just did that this past week. I was still able to land a second date after not talking to her for 3 days, but then I thought the second date went well enough that I could text her the next night (tonight) to hang out with some friends. No go! My text game needs some serious work.
Dennis 2011-09-13 14:43:17
Here's an unrelated question and would like to know how you handle it. Day1 is the meetup. On day2 I invite the women over to my house after a cheap dinner near my house(or even dinner at my house) to hang out/see my dog/etc. It's been my experience that after the usual comfort blah blah blah, we make out for a bit, I rub her back, her butt, stroke her hair, face and then feel her tits and move down to her crouch. If this happens then day3 is sex if not day2 for sure. However some women will stop me from feeling their tits or pussy on day2 with the usual ASD. I don't argue with them but start making out again and keep trying three times before I give up. I know from experience that I'm not going to get laid on day3 with this kind of behavior. So I never call the woman again and on to the next. My question would you go to day3 with this kind of behavior?
Blackdragon 2011-09-14 00:37:43
It's very hard to make a sweeping statement because many situations are different, but I have had women get sexual but resist CIP sex on a day2 and then have sex with no problem on a day3. My very general rule of thumb is that I will keep seeing a new woman as long as there is clear sexual progression. If something "more" happened sexually on this date, I'll see her again for one more date and see how she does. That means unless you have no idea what you're doing, you're getting laid on a day4 at the extreme latest but before then you've gotten her naked, perhaps gotten a blowjob, etc. Waiting four dates for sex would be unacceptable to me unless I was literally getting some amazing blowjobs, and that's my point. I'll say it a different way: If a woman resists me doing a particular thing on a day2, but allows me to do other things, I'll see her for the day3. If on the day3 she STILL doesn't let me do that same thing, boom, she's out the door, I never see her again, and I'm on to the next woman. Sexual progression, or she's gone.
Sharmaine 2016-05-12 07:24:01
Lol! BD, I cannot agree with you more that most guys text way too much. Part of the reason I'm hesitant to give out my phone number for a long time. But this time I'm going to manage it. It's rare to find a man like you who uses texts only sparingly. My attraction instantly plummets the moment he sends me way too much texts before I have the chance to reply his previous ones. And believe me, that hurts my sex life too. Since 85% of the men I meet is gonna be beta or Needy Alpha, I'm just gonna manage it by taking a longer time to reply, e.g. after 3-4 days (sometimes more if he is over the board, lol) or when I'm in the mood to do so. This way, I can take time off of him and focus on my Mission while allow myself to crave for his hot body during my self induced absence, and make the next text session more concentrated (during a long game due to logistics issues). Usually I end texts first for the same reasons. When guys fail to do so, sometimes we girls have to take over the role and be in control of the seduction game. 😉
Sharmaine 2016-05-20 10:02:56
Hmm, BD. I take back my words. In Text Game Part 4, you mentioned if a girl texts you all the time, you foresee there are a lot of nasty behaviours to come, from your experience. I should heed the warning. From my experience, this is the case as well. If a guy texts me too often, for no apparent reason except to get my attention, or wants assurance that I still like him, usually I'm in for drama. These guys are not emotionally stable and have a love- hate relationship and general mistrust of women. This hot guy I'm talking about, he kept asking me if I want to have sex with him. And to give him chance to be with me. The other sex talk is fun when he is not like that. But he kept asking i felt I have to babysit his feelings. I felt bad for not texting him often enough. But I just can't when I'm bombarded with too many messages I haven't got the chance to reply. I suspect my lack of texting triggered his insecurity. Today I got the message from him on the dating site that he has deleted my contact as he thought I have blocked him on whatsapp. It was just that my contact list sometimes disappear for some strange reason and will resume to normal again later. I decide to let him go. I'm new to this poly thing and I find your inputs very insightful. I might have made some mistakes myself navigating this new lifestyle. I study back every interaction I have had. I should have heeded the warning earlier when he kept asking if I'm still interested in him or not early on before I hand over my phone number to him. I don't log on okcupid everyday when I'm super tired after work. Thank God I haven't had sex with him. I foresee more clingy behaviours to come if I made a pass.
big Daddy cool 2016-08-17 08:38:32
Listen to me. I know what I’m talking about here. Here’s a real statistic from my life: So far, after years in the game, 100% of every womanI have slept with at least twice and who did not move far away (that’s not a small list) have eventually returned to me sexually after LSNFTEing me or “breaking up” with me, and this radio silence policy is one of the key reasons why. If she texts you before two months is up, you can respond to heronlyif she isnottexting to talk about the breakup. If she is, ignore her texts, don’t respond, and move on with your life. That alone may attract her enough to want to see you again. I’m serious about that.Anything showing strength ups your value in their eyes. Eventually, she'll start thinking she lost someone valuable and maybe did the wrong choice. If there's a way to make doubts arise in her mind, it's showing you don't care.
3. Texting too frequently during NRE. Younger guys are the worst at this, but I’ve seen older men do this too. During the initial phase of the relationship when the NRE and oneitis is flowing and you’re in looooooooove, please do not bombard your gal with constant I love you / I miss you / I’m thinking about you / I just saw a flower that reminded me of you / I can’t wait to see you tonight texts. If you’ve read any of my stuff, the reason for this should be obvious. Women chase what runs away. Women get bored with men who kiss their asses. It’s just the way they’re designed. Worse, women also will start expecting more submissive beta/provider/boyfriend behaviors and will be issuing more “relationships rules” to men who treat them like girlfriends or queens.Well, I sure see (and know) your point in full. But isn't NRE the moment we can let ourselves get rid of tactic and strategy for a moment? IF she is good-hearted and not a prickfem sending many loveful messages during NRE won't cost you a drop in her interest or enthusiasm — although making her miss you will still increase her interest and enthusiasm. From an utilitarian standpoint I think the ideal "I love you"/"I miss you" return ratio is somewhere around 1 for 2.5 that she sends. If it's not 2.5, 1:3 will work better than 1:2.
My life and my mission are greater than any one woman, and always will be, regardless of how much I may love that special someone.I wonder if that was so even before you realized human nature. I think it's natural to go full DIsney, as long as one hasn't realized what looked like individual incidents were manifestations of unchangeable human nature. But before that, it's almost more logical to dream big than not.
MinnesotaFats 2016-09-26 11:50:31
"Instead, after a chick LSNFTEs you or truly “breaks up” with you, if she actually does it over texting, regardless of how angry or hurt or disappointed you are, just respond with something like “Ok. I wish you the best!” then DON’T EVER INITIATE A TEXT CONVERSATION WITH HER AGAIN for at least two months." If two months have gone by, and she is still with the LSNFTE and you can confirm that, do you reach out or do you wait until the temporary boy toy situation has ended?
Blackdragon 2016-09-26 12:41:55
If two months have gone by, and she is still with the LSNFTE and you can confirm that, do you reach out or do you wait until the temporary boy toy situation has ended?Don't contact her. Wait another two months and then check again.