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Don’t “Screen” Women. Instead, Categorize
There's a lot of talk about "screening" for women. If you're looking for a girlfriend, they say, you need to "screen" for a woman who as all the correct traits of a girlfriend. Whatever the hell those are supposed to be, and every guy seems to have their own opinions. Screen for smart women. Low-drama women. Women who aren't promiscuous. Educated women. Women from good families. Women who haven't fucked too many guys. Women whose parents haven't gotten divorced (yet).
-By Caleb Jones
Screen out religious women...or screen for women of your same religion (no matter how repressive or irrational your religion is). Screen out women from wealthy families...or screen for women from wealthy families. Screen for high-sex-drive women, or screen out high-sex-drive women and go for "medium" sex-drive women. Etc, etc, the list is endless. You won't find two guys with the same list of what makes a "quality" woman.
Sometimes some of the things make sense. Sort of. Other times, man, I've heard some of the craziest stuff men "screen" for or "screen" out, often to the point of ridiculousness. I'm going to be a contrarian. (Shocking I know.) I'm going to tell you to not screen women at all. And I'm going to tell you that all this "screening" stuff is actually harmful to you, your game, and your future relationships. First I'm going to tell you why screening is bad, then I'm going to tell you exactly what to do instead.
Why Screening Is Bad -
1. It promotes guy-Disney when you should be doing your best to erase guy-Disney out of your head, every bit as much as you should be erasing the concept that a magical fat guy in a red suit is going to give you a bunch of free stuff on December 25th.
"Screening" further nails into your skull the concept that somewhere out there is that One Special Girl™ who is Not Like The Rest™ who will Love You Forever™. The problem is there is no girl out there like this. Yes, there some women who are much better than others, but the vast majority have no interest in being with you forever. A few years, yes. Forever, no. The few who would stay with you forever are not the kind of woman you'd be attracted to enough to want to be with forever.
Moreover, "cool chicks" do not stay cool. They're cool for a while until betaization starts kicking in. This might take 3 months, or it might take 3 years, but it will start to happen. Especially if you make them your "girlfriend" (or even if you start acting like a "boyfriend"). Sorry to break it to you, but that's just how women are designed. Even Dolls are serial monogamists at heart, emphasis on the word "serial", meaning "temporary". If you want a woman who will stay with you forever, start dating women over age 50.
What is that you're saying? Women over 50 are too old? Okay. Then accept women under 50 for who they are and what they actually do in real life, not what you want them to be. If you want to read more about this, go here.
2. It tricks you into passing over perfectly cool, perfectly attractive women who will fuck you. I'm simply amazed when I talk to a guy and the converstaion goes like this:
Guy: "Oh yeah, she was nice, but I didn't like her that much. She wasn't that smart."
BD: "So you didn't fuck her?"
Guy: "Nah. I didn't bother. She was too dumb."
BD: "Was she hot?"
Guy: "Oh yeah. She was really cute."
BD: "Then dude, WHAT THE FUCK?"
Refusing to fuck a perfectly fuckable woman because she's not this perfect fantasy woman who would make a "great girlfriend" or whatever IS FUCKING INSANE. If she's hot and she's not a complete bitch to you, STOP WITH THE SCREENING SHIT AND HAVE SEX WITH HER.
4. If/when you come across a chick who meets all of your "screening" criteria, your outcome independence will be completely destroyed. OI is one of the most attractive qualities to females, and you won't have any. You'll suddenly want it to work. You won't want to "screw it up". Boom, instantly lose 30 points.
5. It promotes oneitis and a scarcity mentality. If this "cool" chick agrees to start dating you, you'll get oneitis so fast it'll make your head spin. I see a lot of this. A guy will date two or three girls and then fall HARD for girl number four, and spend the next year of his life defending his decision as She's Not Like The Rest™ and "You-don't-understand-it-will-take-me-another-three-years-of-dating-to-find-another-girl-like-this." Bad, bad, bad.
Okay, great. But I WANT that special girl someday! If I can't screen, what do I do instead?
Instead of screening out women, you fuck every woman who is fuckable to you, then you categorize them based on how they behave.
Step one is simply, fuck everybody. (Use condoms please.) By everybody I mean every woman you would fuck purely based on how they physically look. If she's clearly to ugly for you, of course don't fuck her and move on as fast as you can. But if her appearance is at least in the "fuckable" category TO YOU, then you proceed, escalate, and have sex with her, regardless of any other negative traits she might have.
This is what I do. When I'm on a first date with a cute chick, I don't give a shit how smart or dumb she is, what her parents are like, what political party she votes for, her taste in clothing, if she seems like a "freak" or a "good girl", or even how drama-prone she is. After fucking her for a month or two I might start caring about those things. Maybe. But right now, I couldn't care less. If she's hot, I PROCEED AND HAVE SEX WITH HER. And I enjoy it. A lot.
Some of the best sex of my life has been with "dumb" girls or "freaks" or "sluts" or "bitches" or "liars". If she's hot, I...don't...care. (Again, use condoms please.) Of course, use common sense. I pass on wolves (women who are involved in dangerous, violent, and/or illegal activities). Duh. As regular readers already know, I will also pass on hardcore goldiggers or any other women I know are not going to have sex with me without making me jump through a bunch of hoops.
Not because I'm "screening", but because I know sex will never happen with these women because I'm not going to be buying them anything other than maybe a drink or two pre-lay. However, other than these two extremes, if she's fuckable to me, I will fuck her. Period.
After you have sex with a woman two to three times and a week or three have gone by, you're going to have a very good idea what she's about. This is when you keep on fucking her, but you also categorize her. You clearly define her role in your life. The three possible categories are:
2. WD / MLTR
3. Possible candidate for OLTR
(If you've read my book on open relationships, you already know all about these categories. Otherwise, hit the glossary right now if you aren't familiar with those terms.) Within two weeks of me first starting a sexual relationship with a woman, you can be damn sure I've mentally placed her in one of those three categories.
If she's really stupid but really fun to fuck, she's an FB (and an extremely enjoyable one...FBs are good). If she's a really cool person but her life is full of chaos and problems, she's also an FB until she cleans up her act. If she's really hot and fun to be with and interesting to talk to and not a ball of chaos and I like her as "more than a friend", she's an MLTR. If she's completely amazing in every way and really impresses me, she's a candidate for OLTR. She's not an OLTR yet...that is a very special position of honor in my life and thus takes many months, if not years, to qualify for.
If it's hard to say where she fits, she's a WD until I can figure out something more definite. (This is rare but it does occasionally happen.)
The categories are not static. You can downgrade women or upgrade women whenever it makes sense to do so. Maybe you have an MLTR who starts getting a little bitchy on you. Boom. Downgrade her to FB. Maybe you have a pure FB who you starts to impress you. This does happen. No problem, upgrade her to MLTR. Maybe you have an MLTR who you eventually completely fall in love with. Upgrade her to OLTR or (god forbid) a monogamous girlfriend (you all know my opinion regarding monogamy but hey, it's your life).
Here's the great thing about all this. As you start fucking and categorizing multiple women, one or two women are going to rise up from the group and really amaze you in surprising ways. She/they will be so wonderful, you'll start falling in love, or close to it. I can tell you from extensive experience doing this for many years, this always happens. You don't have to go looking for Ms. Perfect; instead she will present herself to you.
Pick your favorite one, and then boom, there's your "cool girlfriend". (Or if you're smart, OLTR.) If you want to go monogamous (cough, puke), go for it. If you're smart like me, promote your favorite woman to OLTR or "favorite" MLTR and keep fucking your FBs on the side.
You've now accomplished your goal of finding that "cool chick" and gotten a lot of sex along the way. Not a bad deal at all. This is a far, far superior system than this "screening" stuff. Not only do you get that "cool chick" much faster, but you get laid a lot along the way. Can't beat that (although many men try).
By the way, there is a fourth category you can downgrade a woman to at any time:
That's right. If she gives you any trouble, you should soft next (or even hard next) her ass, regardless of what category she's in. The point here is instead of nexting her on the first date because you don't like the way she laughs or whatever, you should instead enjoy sex with her for a few weeks or months and if she starts giving you trouble, THEN next her. (Hopefully soft next her so she can return to your life shortly afterward.)
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ARD 2011-09-27 12:11:39
Yes it does!
Kevin Velasco 2011-09-27 12:58:50
What's the best system to experience deep levels of intimacy for spiritual growth?
Blackdragon 2011-09-27 14:05:27
Long-term discreet OLTR.
Dale P. 2011-09-28 00:13:37
My thoughts are this 'screening' is another form of creative avoidance. What you have outlined is a great system, and what I do. Fuck first and choose later.
zylya 2011-09-28 06:25:48
I think it's a case of definitions here - if I say screening a girl, it's a catch-all term to say that I'm actively fitting her into my life rather than just accepting what she might eventually offer me. Screening, to me at least, is therefore almost exactly as you've described, except you don't call it screening. "Screening for a relationship" doesn't mean that you have to pass up other girls if they don't match up to your relationship standards (since they might meet your FB or ONS standards) it just means that if a girl fails to pass your relationship test then you don't offer her a relationship as part of your interaction. Essentially you screen girls into different categories. I think that really the two issues that you're trying to point out here are: 1. Some guys are screening girls out ENTIRELY 2. Some guys are screening girls out TOO EARLY You seem to misinterpret "screening" as "looking for the perfect girl or gtfo" when (for me at least) screening is nothing more than knowing and enforcing a set of minimum standards for certain "positions" (e.g. OLTR, MLTR, FB et al) in my life, and realising that it is not a binary IN or OUT decision, but a tier of possibilities. I'm sure we can both agree that there are some women who are unsuitable for ANY type of relationship, so they get screened out early. But overall this just seems like a language issue - I think we both have the same ideas/ideals, except I call it screening and you don't. As for getting sex before anything else, I'm sure we've been preaching that for years now 😉
Blackdragon 2011-09-28 10:17:12
You're just changing the definition of screening. Screening is screening in or out, not "screening into a category". Categorizing is not screening. In my blog post I'm referring to guys who refuse to try to fuck a chick who they think is more than hot enough to fuck. If you're happily having sex with women who you know you would never to be in a serious relationship with, then you're not screening and we're on the same page.
zylya 2011-09-29 01:36:50
screen·ing noun /ˈskrēniNG/ screenings, plural 1. A showing of a movie, video, or television program 2. The evaluation or investigation of something as part of a methodical survey, to assess suitability for a particular role or purpose 3. The testing of a person or group of people for the presence of a disease or other condition - prenatal screening for Down syndrome 4. Refuse separated by sieving grain I think people who are screening IN or OUT are the ones who have got that definition wrong. Too many categories for IN/OUT to be a meaningful choice anyway. Semantics though. Like you said, if you can have sex with someone regardless of her suitability for a relationship then you're doing it right.
dave 2013-03-01 20:57:33
Hi Blackdragon, How do you handle women who do push pull to you? Are there better strategies than nexting them? Dave
Marcus 2013-03-03 20:31:09
Yeah, I'm gonna use this now haha
Minister 2015-07-17 08:41:17
Blackdragon, I am facing an odd situation. Most women I lay are lousy in bed, which disqualifies them even from FBs. If they don't satisfy me sexually, I lose completely any interest of seeing them again. Isn't it a dealbreaker for you? How do you deal with it?
Blackdragon 2015-07-17 09:29:18
How do you handle women who do push pull to you? Are there better strategies than nexting them?They can push/pull all they want as long as they have sex with me. Fine with me. If they refuse sex, then yes, they get soft nexted and I go have sex with someone else.
Most women I lay are lousy in bed, which disqualifies them even from FBs. If they don’t satisfy me sexually, I lose completely any interest of seeing them again. Isn’t it a dealbreaker for you? How do you deal with it?It's not a dealbreaker for me; if a woman is super hot she can just lay there during sex and I'll have a good time. However what I like or dislike isn't relevant; it's about what you like. If a woman doesn't satisfy you during sex, you should move on. Simple as that. If you are very picky about what you like during sex, you're going to have to put in more numbers.
Bradley 2015-08-10 16:32:31
Blackdragon, when you downgrade a MLTR's to a FB status; how do you smoothly transition (without verbalization/ explaining, drama etc.) from doing the things that you use to do with her like taking her out on dates, letting her spend the night, spending quality time with her etc. to no longer doing these things?
Blackdragon 2015-08-10 18:16:26
Blackdragon, when you downgrade a MLTR’s to a FB status; how do you smoothly transition (without verbalization/ explaining, drama etc.) from doing the things that you use to do with her like taking her out on dates, letting her spend the night, spending quality time with her etc. to no longer doing these things?You just do it. You just stop going out. No conversation or announcement; just do it. If she asks why, tell her you're too busy (and hopefully that's the truth; you're too busy working on your Mission and fucking other women). If she whines a little, ignore it. If she really complains, soft next.
Throughfare 2015-10-05 01:38:37
BD- Ha ha, love your stance that you should fuck every woman who gets you hard. For all those guys who rank girls on a 1-10 scale and talk about not fucking girls below some cutoff, and striving to raise the looks ranking of the girls they fuck, my opinion is that striving to 'up your quality of girl' leads to loss of outcome independence. I tell guys that I use a binary ('bonery') scale 1= gives me a boner 0= doesn't give me a boner
EsauAlfaro 2017-05-26 13:25:36
I used to screen women for stupid reasons and sometimes still do it... Based on my experience, I totally agree with you, I totally regret not sleeping with those girls.
About this site, about me – Game for the Older Rake 2019-02-05 07:10:04
[…] the chips fall where they may. I liked what Caleb over at BlackDragonBlog writes about a frame for escalating the women in your life into deeper access with you. I’ve dabbled a bit with daygame in the past, but my mindset now […]
Fanguy 2019-03-31 05:49:26
Man i wish my dad teaches me this skill. Instead, i learn this from an American white dad. You are the bestz