A Woman’s Perspective On Online Dating

Online dating for women.

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A Woman’s Perspective On Online Dating

Some women have a little anxiety about this. There's a blog post here of a woman giving advice to other women regarding online dating.  She's actually defending online dating, which is always nice. On some points she actually 100% correct, on others she's using chick-logic and is way off.  Regardless, it all demonstrates exactly how most women view online dating.

-By Caleb Jones

Personally, I’ve been online dating for a few years now…Actually, come to think of it, the first time I ended up dating someone I met online was when I was 17.  Now, at 26, I can say that I’ve definitely learned the ins and outs of online dating and can genuinely see all of the pros and cons, from an experienced point of view.

She's been on the dating sites since she was 17 years old.  As I've said and demonstrated many times, younger women like meeting guys online.

Argument #1:  You never know if what they are telling you online is true!

This is definitely correct.  There really is no way of knowing if what these people are telling you online is true or not.  But then again, that guy/girl you met at the bar last night could quite possibly be just as creative and insincere as the person you just met online.  It’s a gamble either way! Yep.  She's right.  I love these women who are under the impression that the strange guy at the bar is somehow more trustworthy than the guy online.

Argument #2:  A lot of people post fake pictures or really old pictures from when they were younger and better looking!

It's important to realize that the reasons women are so concerned about this is because women do this more than men, and thus assume that men are doing this as much as they do.  News flash, they aren't.  Far more women pull the "seven year old photo" thing than men.  Think about it, who's typically more concerned about their age, men or women?

Again, this can also be true, and thanks to this I’ve learned to NEVER meet a potential date in person until you’ve managed to get a totally recent photo of them. Advice right out of my playbook.

Argument #3:  How do you know they are seriously looking for a relationship and not just sex?

There’s no way of knowing what is going on in anyone’s head.  This goes for both the people you meet online and the people you meet in person by chance.  One thing I can say from experience is, if what you’re looking for is a relationship, you should probably weed out the lower quality websites.  Most men wont pay a fee on sites such as Match.com or eHarmony if they aren’t seriously seeking a partner.

Now pay attention.  She's telling other women to go the paid sites and avoid the free ones. What have I been saying for years?  It's easier to get to fast sex on the free sites instead of the paid ones.  Why? You just got a strong hint of why above.  Women on paid sites are provider hunting.  That's the only reason they're there. I'm not saying it's impossible to get laid on Match.com, I certainly have quite a bit.  I'm just saying it's easier to get from zero to sex faster on sites like POF or OKC.

Women on those sites might be provider-hunting, but just as often they're looking for sex, or looking for validation, or "just checking it out", or looking for friends, or bored, or whatever. All of this means better odds for you. From personal experience I’ve noticed that people on paid websites have much better quality profiles, where they express themselves and what they are looking for in a much deeper level. They also tend to be more picky themselves and move a little slower in regards to when they want to meet you in person.

Yikes.  Those are wife-hunting or girlfriend-hunting guys. I’ve also noticed that these men tend to be the higher quality dates and are a lot more respectful and even understanding if you later feel that you guys just don’t connect on that level.

This is true and it's yet another reason to focus on the free sites and consider paid sites a secondary option, since most guys on the free sites are chodes who aren't very fierce competition for you.
Argument #4: If they found you online who’s to say they wont meet other people online while you’re together?

Well I certainly will.  Moreover I encourage men and women do to the same.  Monogamy is silly. The chances of these men/women cheating on you are just as high as any other.  Just because you didn’t meet someone online doesn’t mean they don’t know how to use the internet.  All people pose the same threats and we’re all facing the same risks when entering into a new relationship.  Welcome to the world of dating!  It’s life!  Sometimes you find a good one, sometimes you don’t!

The vast majority of relationships don't last past three years and the ones that do have a 63% divorce rate and a 70% to 77% cheating rate. Again, worrying about monogamy is silly.  Life is way too short for that drama and concern.  But that's another topic.

**An added benefit for women**

For the most part, we have all been raised thinking that men have to be the initiators in a courtship and have thick enough skin (for the most part) to withstand rejection.  One thing I can honestly say that is a definite bonus to online dating (for both sexes) is that women have become more daring and have been taking on the initiator role as well.  Where a woman would be too embarrassed to approach a man in person or just be extremely terrified of rejection, they feel a lot more safe in doing so online.

This is a nice thought, but it's still not accurate 97% of the time.  As I've said many times, men cannot, simply cannot, rely on sitting back and receiving emails from women on a dating site.  You will (likely) never get laid that way, never meet anyone cool that way.  You must email women to get laid.  Lots and lots of them.

Instead of facing public humiliation, at worst they may receive an email saying “Thanks, but I don’t think you’re really my type” or their advance may be ignored. No harm, no foul! No embarrassment and no hurt feelings! Heh.  The writer here is 26 years old, so she's still reasonably cool and relaxed about all this.  Just wait until she's about 37 and goes into a hurricane-like rage any time a man online rejects her majesty.

So, to summarize everything stated above, online dating can indeed be risky, but not more or less than meeting someone while out and about or through friends.  It does come with it’s own warning label, but if you play your cards right and keep your wits about you, you will be just fine.  If you’ve been thinking about joining an online dating site and have been afraid, don’t be.  Give it a shot!  You never know who you may meet on there who’s path you may have never crossed in person otherwise. Thank you Emily for proving all the points I've been making for years.  I love it when that happens.

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This article was originally published on October 9, 2011
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  • Joanna 2017-01-15 07:45:07

    I am definately going to try online dating and thank you for curing me of my ASD almost immediately, I almost succumbed to to settling for beta male provider because of pressure from society to make an honest woman out of me but he doesnt make me slide of my chair and fucking him was to much to even consider so I was feeling lost, stuck and without options. Recovered from a 3 year alpha 1.0 'apparently' monogamous co habiting situation that resulted in a baby and I seriously dont want to be a sad horny old single mom with some disney fantasy disorder and more cats than common sense. Now I feel free, liberated from insidious societal programming. I wish there was more strait talking advice for women in their 30s on dating practically and realistically. Im 32 and financially ok yet working towards my mission and a beta male would have absolutely made me want to commit suicide you are so correct. No jokes but you saved me from making a huge mistake. So grateful I found this blog. X

  • Troy 2017-04-08 23:16:27

    Everything I've read here tonight has been incredibly enlightening. Especially the heartbreaking delusion that there will ever be such a thing as a long lasting, loving, faithful, relationship (till death do us part). Maybe you're right. Maybe that's only what I think I want. I've discovered the hard way "monogamy is silly" and I've had my heart torn to bloody shreds. Just out of a ten year emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist, I've determined I am unwilling be defeated. I am going to put my best paw forward in the game of on-line dating. The advice taken from this blog will serve me well. Thank you to all who have courageously taken chance after chance to find out first hand what works and what does not. And for all of you who feel discouraged, I'm 49 years old and I'll be damned if I'll give up. Maybe I'll be back soon to share a progress report. Either way wish me luck. I'm looking for just one good woman. I know the statistics, and I know the average relationship is plus or minus 4 years... I'll make them the best 4 years of my life and do it again. Troy

  • Martin Greco 2017-08-14 20:10:48

    Free sites keep matching me with girls I am not remotely attracted to, that is my issue with them