Gene Simmons Married

Gene Simmons Wedding

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Gene Simmons Married

Someone kill me now. I'm serious. Right now. I've talked about the plight of Gene Simmons already.  I even named an OLTR type after the guy (The Gene Simmons Style OLTR).

-By Caleb Jones

If you don't already know, I'll summarize what happened.  Gene and Shannon Tweed had a live-in OLTR, with kids, for almost 30 years.  No problem.  Then, as soon as the two kids grew up and left the house, Shannon suddenly decided that open relationships suck, even though she had no problem with the concept for, as I said, almost 30 years.

She threatened to leave Gene unless he married her.  Monogamy included. So he pussed out and married her, instantly destroying all the non-monogamy and non-marriage stuff he's been preaching since the 1970's.

Shannon's Deal

There's a lot stupid about all this, but the stupidest part is if Shannon believes that Gene will now suddenly be monogamous just because he broke down and agreed to get married.  Let me explain two concepts a lot of people have trouble with.

1. Getting married does not change a person.  If a person fucks lots of people before he/she gets married, they will continue to fuck lots of people after they get married (after a brief break during the honeymoon period).  If a person is an asshole/bitch before they get married, they will continue to be so after they get married.  Actually, more so. Ladies, if a man beats you up before you get married, he will continue to do so after you get married.  Guys, if she complains about you hanging out at the bar with your buddies before you get married, she's going to be even worse after you get married.  Etc.

You might say "duh" as you read that but millions of people (including Shannon Tweed) don't seem to understand this basic, simple, obvious fact.  They view marriage as a magic wand that instantly transforms people into something they're not. Marriage.  Does.  Not.  Change.  People.

2. Relationship promises made at gunpoint don't count.  "Marry me or I'll leave you!!!"  "Okay, okay!  I will!"  Will that relationship/marriage work long-term?  Nope.  Replace the "marry me" part of that sentence with "move in with me" or "have a baby with me" or "promise monogamy" or "stop watching sports" or "stop smoking weed" or anything else you can think's the same thing.  If the person says "Okay, fine, I will!" that person will not be living up to his/her promise.  Not in the long run.  Try it and see.

Gene's Deal...and My Deal

So am I now crushed / furious / hurt / depressed that such a wonderful icon of nonmonogamy, a guy I actually named a relationship term after has finally chopped off his balls and placed them in a woman's purse?  Yes and no.

Yes, it's sad to see this happen.  Gotta be honest.  I thought better of Gene.  Some of the scenes during interviews while Shannon was throwing all kinds of passive aggressive drama at him, and he reacted by acting like a complete bataed AFC...I was cringing.  I felt physical pain watching him crumble and wimp out in front of her dramatic bullshit.

God dammit Gene.

However, on the "no" side, I'm going to give Gene a little out, and that's his age.  The guy is 62.

I have said before that once a man hits age 60, things change.  I wish they didn't but often they do.  Once you're 60, I don't care how healthy you are or good-looking you are, now you're old.  There's no getting around it.  There's less testosterone flowing.  The desire for variety and adventure is less.  The old "I don't want to die alone" stuff actually becomes a valid excuse.

I just love these guys in their 20s and 30s getting married because they don't want to "die alone".  Dude.  You're 50 years away from that shit.  You're going to marry some chick at age 27 because you're worried about being alone on your deathbed at age 76?  WTF?  Do you realize the odds of...oh, never mind.  But a guy in his 60s saying that?  Okay, now that guy has a point.

So Gene's an old bastard now, and he wants to settle down (ostensibly).  Alright.  Fine.  He's still being a pussy about this, he's still getting married under duress which is a horrible idea, it still won't work, he'll likely still cheat on her (eventually), he's still in for an ocean of drama from this bitch now that he's married her (and make no mistake, I don't care how cool she was, Shannon is now a bitch), but he's over 60, so I'll give him that little nugget, tarnished though it is.

I guess now I'll have to look to Penn Jilette as the new celebrity example of an OLTR (he's in an open marriage). There's always Hugh Hefner too, but he's more of an MLTR guy than an OLTR guy.  (Nothing wrong with that, of course!)

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This article was originally published on October 12, 2011
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  • N 2011-10-12 23:49:07

    > 1. Getting married does not change a person. There's a study I need to dig out for you... It essentially said that marriage, if anything, *amplifies* existing character traits. I.e. bitchy people become more bitchy, boring people become more boring, alcoholics drink more, pussed people become more beta, fat people get fatter, lazy people get lazier, sporty people get fitter and so on. Though the study IIRC did not cover horniness/fidelity - the main focus was on health habits I think.

  • Blackdragon 2011-10-13 04:27:43

    Exactly, 100% right. It amplifies whatever you are because you believe (incorrectly) that you're "done" and can "relax" and stop trying. I'd love to see the study if you can find it even though it would simply corroborate what I already know. 🙂 Side point, I have read similar studies regarding people who start poor and then eventually make a lot of money. It amplifies who they were when they were poor. If they were assholes, now they're REAL assholes. If they were nice people, now they're REALLY nice. Etc.

  • Kevin Velasco 2011-10-14 15:17:25

    Let's not forget about Will Smith's open marriage and A-kon's multiple wives.

  • Blackdragon 2011-10-14 18:51:40

    Holy crap! I didn't know about Will Smith! I Googled around and damn, that's awesome. It's not the kind of open marriage I would structure, and I think they're both rationalizing an affair after the fact, but at least they're publicly saying it's an open marriage. VERY cool.

  • Cari Czerwinski 2012-07-09 19:14:32

    Is it just me or is Shannon a total pain in the ass since they got married?? I was really routing for her but every episode is her complaining that she doesn't have something ever since they got married...constantly sulking and storming off... I'm sick of it! You got the man you happy already! It's so annoying!! There are woman really struggling out here!! Trying to raise their kid on their own with no money and all you do is whine!! Geez!

  • Blackdragon 2012-07-10 14:34:38

    That's normal behavior for most women. Once you "rope in" the guy you want, boredom and bitchiness tend to eventually start taking over. Shannon is, sadly, behaving normally.

  • BeNNYMARZZ 2012-07-30 15:29:29

    gee, makes me wonder if he is really and i mean REALYY rethiking these things?? he speaks with the therapist and says things that are of a man that is looking to make a change and a difference and that being: DO EVERYTHING SHANNON WANTS OR SHE WILL<L DIVORCE AND TAKE HALF? what kind of man could be happy with that

  • Steve 2016-10-04 13:21:26

    You came into this world "alone"....what is the harm in wanting to go out the same way?