When She Leaves The Conversation

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When She Leaves The Conversation

It doesn't mean she doesn't like you. It means there's already someone else. One of my cardinal pieces of advice for online dating is to pitch the meetup / first date right off the bat, after the second or third time she emails you back during your initial conversation. The next best option is quickly moving her to an IM or text conversation, banter for a bit, then pitch the date.

-By Caleb Jones

A lot of guys resist this advice, some because they fear this will scare women away.  Some others take this advice, and indeed have a few women suddenly terminate the conversation and vanish off the face of the Earth as soon as they pitch a real-life meetup.  They then incorrectly think, "Damn.  I'd better not do that anymore.  It scares chicks away.  I'd just better keep on talking to them."

This is a huge mistake, because the same women who will vanish at a fast date pitch are the same women who will vanish (albeit a little more nicely) when you pitch a date a few days or a week later.

Let me be clear about something.  I'm get laid from online game constantly, quickly, easily, whenever I want, and the chicks are hot.  And I get lots of women who vanish when I pitch the date.  It's very common.  It's normal and you need to expect it.  The difference between me and you is when it happens to you, you think "God dammit!  What happened?  Shit!  She was hot!" and I think "Good. Thank god this woman didn't waste my time."

Some women on the dating sites are looking for sex, or a boyfriend, or a husband.  These are the ones I lay.  But many are not.  These types break out into four categories:

1. Women who aren't really single.  A percentage of women on the dating sites actually already have a boyfriend whom they are currently mad at.  What happens is this: chick has a big argument or other blowout with her BF.  She "breaks up" with him (in her mind only).  In a fit of vengeful get-back-at-him anger, she hops onto OKCupid or Plenty of Fish, throws up a profile, puts up the sexiest pics of herself she can find, and starts talking to dudes on there.

Not because she wants to fuck any of these guys, but because she's mad.  Mad at her BF.  Oh, she might fantasize about fucking some new guy, but she's not actually going to do it.  That's not why she's there.  So she basks in the attention of other men, flirts with some of them, blows them off when they ask her for real life meets, and within a week or so she's right back with her BF again to resume the drama inherit in all monogamous relationships.

There are A TON of chicks online like this.  I've run into many (even laid a few of them, once they broke up with BF for real, which can sometimes take months; I'll post about that later).  So when you pitch that cool chick online for a meetup and she vanishes away, it's not anything you did.  You never had a chance with her no matter what you did, because she's not really single.

What you DID do is save yourself a bunch of time and trouble by flushing her out fast, so you can focus your time and efforts on the other hot chicks online who don't have BF's they've placed on "temporary break".

2. Validation Whores.  A significant percentage of women online have no desire to actually have sex with anybody, at least not at this point in their lives, for whatever reason.  What they DO want is to have hundreds of guys on online dating sites kiss their ass, be nice to them, show interest in them, and tell them they're hot.  Even fat girls get bazillions of AFCs kissing their asses online, and believe me, women know this.  Many women drink up this attention like a vampire drinking a flagon of virgin's blood.  They love it.

But actually meet up with guys in real life?  Hell no.  That's not why they're there.  If a guy pitches the idea, boom, these chicks are gone.  They just move on to the next guy who will kiss their ass, which is easy because they're are hundreds of them on there.

3. Perfectionists with too many dating rules.  Many women online are indeed single, and are indeed looking to meet up with a guy in real life, but only if 100% of everything is perfect in every way.

If all of his pictures are perfect in every detail, down to his fingernails, eyelashes, and sleeves of his jacket, and if every single word of his profile she agrees with, and if he asks her out in the exact right way (whatever the fuck that is), and he wants to meet up at the exact right day and time she happens to be available, and the place and atmosphere he suggests are exactly what she has in mind, and if her horoscope is favorable that day, and she's in a good mood that day, and her boss hasn't yelled at her lately, and her cat hasn't pissed in the house, and Jupiter and Mars are aligned with the moon just right, THEN she will say yes to a date pitch.

Other than that, hell no.  She'll pass on you and just keep basking in the attention of needy horny AFCs just like the Attention Whores are doing.

4. Psychos.  Some chicks are just fuckin' insane.  There will be no other men in the picture, she really does want to meet up with you, everything's going great, and boom, she's suddenly gone.  Some of these women are drug addicts, alcoholics, weirdos, or extreme drama queens, prone to chaos at any slight change that comes up in their lives.  Some have real emergencies that come up (but these women are rare...usually they're just weirdos).

Now here's the problem with all these lovely ladies.  All four of the above categories above WILL respond to your openers and WILL act interested in you AS IF they want to meet up with you in real life.  At the initial stages of communication (what I term "TEP") these women look, act, and feel no different from the real women who really do want to meet you in real life and will make it happen.

And THAT is one of the many reasons why you need to pitch a date right up-front in the conversation, as fast as you can.  If you don't, these four categories of women will waste so much of your time, make you so angry, you're liable to blow off online dating all together.  (I know some men who have.  Not because online game doesn't work, but because they insisted on doing it wrong.)

Remember the golden rule of online dating: No woman is real until there's a date on the calendar.

Your job is to "make her real" as fast as possible.

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This article was originally published on October 30, 2011
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  • Magik 2011-10-31 12:34:13

    In order to line up these first dates, how many women have you messaged total? And, how many different dating sites are you using? Just curious, I don't think I'm messaging the appropriate numbers I need to, so I may join another site or two.

  • Blackdragon 2011-10-31 15:12:33

    I'll publish all my stats in a few weeks when I'm done laying all the new women I want. In the meantime, here's a link to the stats from the last time I did this earlier this year: http://www.blackdragon-blog.com/2011/04/09/final-online-dating-results-and-statistics/

  • Dennis 2011-11-01 16:34:54

    Actually no woman is real until you meet her! I always pitch a meet in my first email with something like this at the end of my opener: Let's grab a cup of coffee or drinks, have some fun and see if we click. Here's my number, call or text or please send me yours and I'll give you a call. Dennis (312) xxx-xxxx I get the usual 10-20% return emails with her phone number. All the rest I might email again in 3 months(they forget your previous email) when I'm back on the hunt.

  • Magik 2011-11-01 20:16:32

    Holy shit, you sent out 300+ openers last time. In my city (1.5 million greater metro), I'd need to be on 4 different sites, and even then I don't think there are enough hot chicks in my area to meet those numbers. But, that definitely answers my question. As much as I'd rather not, time to pay up and join Match.

  • Blackdragon 2011-11-01 20:31:37

    @Magik - My greater metro area is smaller than yours. Around 1 million. Plus I was emailing mostly women 20 years younger than me or close to it...if you email women closer to your age your numbers will (or should) be better. Plus I ended up having sex with several women out of it. One or two women might be all you need to get going with this. Regardless of all that, the more sites the better, generally speaking. So go for it. @Dennis - Yeah, if you meet her on a date then she's "really" real, and if you end up having sex with her, then she's truly" real. 🙂

  • Hawk 2011-11-03 05:02:06

    Any programmes to send multiple openers?, it would really save time.

  • Blackdragon 2011-11-03 10:27:39

    Yep. I'll be posting about them soon when I finish my testing.

  • jeff 2012-01-08 16:04:20

    How old are you? I am a 48 yr old single never married doctor /psychiatrist and feel that many women will dismiss me because of my age so I often convince myself to not even try.Jeff

  • Blackdragon 2012-01-08 19:16:07

    I'm 39. I know several men your age or older who have dated women under the age of 25.

  • Minister 2015-07-21 05:26:30

    What if you pitch the meet and she replies 'maybe some time'? This is the response I get most of the time.

  • Blackdragon 2015-07-21 09:56:56

    What if you pitch the meet and she replies ‘maybe some time’?
    That's woman language for "no." Move on.