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Open Relationships Defined
As just about everyone who knows who I am knows, I am always in a sexual relationship with not one, but several women at a time. My average over the last several years is three to four women at a time. It's been as low as two, it's been high as seven, but it's usually three or four. Let me explain away a few misconceptions about this.
-By Caleb Jones
Guess what? They're right. There is no way a man can have four traditional girlfriends at once that I can see (unless the guy is unemployed, has no family or hobbies, and does nothing but spend time with girlfriends 24/7). These women are never girlfriends, they're either fuck buddies who I am fucking but NOT dating and not spending very much time with (FBs), or women I do care for on some emotional level but not to the level of a girlfriend (MLTRs), or sometimes they can be new women I just started having sex with and I'm not sure where they fit yet (WDs).
None of these categories require the time, effort, or financial expense of a traditional monogamous girlfriend. Thank God.
Going along with the above, many people assume that I see these women all the time, constantly, daily even. Wrong. One of my rules is that I never see a woman more than once a week. Period. Even if she's an MLTR who I really like. Occasionally I will bend this rule a little for a gal I really like and perhaps see her twice a week, but that's unusual and twice is the max, and even then it's not twice a week consistently.
There are numerous reasons I do this too detailed to explain here, but the main reasons are to A) maintain their attraction for me (one of the best ways to kill a woman's attraction for you is to see her all the time), and B) keep my time management under control.
Some people, especially women, will automatically assume that I'm in love with all these women, or have strong "feelings" for all these women. I do not. I do not have the ability to actually love more than one woman at at time. (And believe me, I've tried.) The majority of these women are FBs and never rise beyond that level.
I like (most of) my FBs as friends, sometimes very close friends I can confide in, but friends with sex are all they are. A few FBs I don't even like as friends; they're stupid or immature or bitchy or drama queens, but they're hot and I enjoy sex with them. So we see each other, we have fantastic sex, then they're out the door and I go on with my life before any of their drama and bullshit rub off on me.
It surprises many people to learn that many women like the fuck buddy arrangement. Sometimes women just need to get laid without judgement and without the overhead of the typical overbearing needy boyfriend. Other women are those who really impress me at first as MLTRs, but then do something dramatic or stupid, causing me to "downgrade" them to FBs, where they stay forever.
Then there are the real MLTRs. These women I really do "like" beyond just a friend. There are some romantic feelings and interactions. Some MLTRs I like a lot. Other MLTRs I like just a tiny bit more than an FB. One or two MLTRs in my history I have actually been in love with.
So now you see what I mean. Just because I'm seeing her on a regular basis and having sex with her doesn't mean I love her, or even like her. Some women I do. Some I don't. Here are the most commonly asked questions I get about open relationships.
Yes. However, I don't give them details, even if they ask. You can imagine why. Just imagine a man telling a woman he's dating "Oh yeah, I just fucked this super hot 18 year-old last night while you were working. It was great." That would simply cause an explosion of drama. I don't do drama, so I don't give details. If the women ask for details (and often they do), I simply smile and refuse to give them. I will clearly say I'm fucking other women, but that's all I'm going say.
If they don't like that, they're more than welcome to leave me and go date a normal guy (this act is called a LSNFTE), who will just get boring on her (AFC) or cheat on her (Alpha). It's amazing how many women tolerate or even enjoy open relationships simply because they're so sick and tired of guys cheating on them. In an open relationship, you can't cheat! It's awesome.
Isn't that approach dishonest?
No. Being dishonest would be a woman asking "Do you fuck other women?" and me answering "No." That would be lying. I don't lie. Lying causes drama and I have a hard and fast no drama rule that I enforce constantly (one of the many reasons I never get monogamous, since monogamy equals drama).
Instead my answer to that question is always "I'm not talking about that." or "Yes, but I'm not discussing details." Then, as always, she's welcome to make her own decision about whether or not she wants to continue to see me. If she stays, great. If she goes, fine. I'll just have sex with someone else, usually the very next day. Not to mention the fact she'll probably be back eventually once she she experiences a few normal men and "remembers" what they're really like.
A true statistic from my life: damn near 100% of every woman I've ever had sex with at least twice, who did not move far away, who did a LSNFTE on me eventually came back to me to resume the seuxal relationship. Sometimes it takes six weeks. Sometimes it takes three years. But they always come back. Normal men are just that bad.
Back to the honesty issue. Some people seem to be under the mistaken impression that being honest about fucking other women but refusing to disclose specific details about those women is somehow "lying". People might be initially uncomfortable with the concept, but it's not lying. A subset of lying is cheating, which as I said, is impossible since I never promise monogamy. Cheating is a component of the monogamous world, a world I want no part of for many reasons.
Are the women allowed to fuck other men?
Yep. Any woman I date can do whatever she wants in her free time, including fuck other men. This is another reason women agree to date me like this...they're sick to death of the typical guy who gets pissy every time he sees some other guy send her a text. Believe me, women get REALLY tired of that shit. I am an oasis for them.
I let them fuck other guys (if they want to and often they don't) mainly because a polygamous arrangement where I'm the only one allowed to fuck other people would take a HUGE amount of my time and is a recipe for drama. As always, I don't do drama, and I want to keep my time flexible and manageable. I have zero interest in monitoring a woman to make sure she doesn't flirt with or fuck another guy. I'm a lover, not a babysitter, and I really have bigger things in my life to worry about. My businesses, career, financial future, children, travel, and health are all far more important than whether or not some gal I'm dating occasionally fucks another dude.
Do I like that some of my women fuck other guys? Not really, but it's far batter than the drama and limitations of monogamy. Plus it's not something I worry about. Most of the other men my women fuck (and most men in general) are needy pussies or domineering assholes, both of whom are bad in bed and massive sources of drama. These men are no threat to me in any way.
How do you get normal women do go along with this kind of arrangement?
It's a step-by-step process that takes three to six months, starting with the first date. I'm not giving away that information for free. If you really want to know exactly how to do it, spend $47 and buy this ebook. If you buy it and don't like it I'll give you your money back no questions asked, so there's no reason not to do it if this is a topic that interests you.
That's why God invented condoms. A lot of people hear the term "open relationships" then reply with "I don't want an STD!" and then shut off their brains and shove their heads in the sand. How silly. I guess they never heard about this really cool invention called a "condom" that protects against that stuff extremely well, and I have extensive experience to back that up, as do many other guys in the seduction community.
I use condoms on all the women I have sex with, with the unusual exception of those very few women who have proven trustworthy, have proven they're not promiscuous, and who submit to regular STD tests where I physically see the hard copy results. In addition, I myself get tested for every STD under the sun three times a year whether I feel I need it or not.
People hate to admit this, but there is nothing wrong with having sex with more than one person if you do it responsibly. The people who have sex with people irresponsibly, who constantly get STDs and accidental pregnancies, it's they who create a bad rap for us responsible folks.
What about love and commitment and kids and marriage and stuff like that?
Good question! That's covered by the the fourth type of open relationship, the OLTR. That's the open relationship version of an actual girlfriend or wife. In an OLTR, you are both allowed to have sex with other people, but those other people are only allowed to be FBs. They cannot be MLTRs or WDs. There cannot be any romantic feelings or actual "dating" with these other people, just sex. You and your OLTR love each other and are committed to each other, and only each other, emotionally (and in other ways if you're actually living together, or married, or have kids together).
I personally do not have an OLTR, though I've had a few candidates over the years who have tried and failed. I would like an OLTR very much but I'm in no rush for it. Occasionally one or more MLTRs will come along who I will really like, and I will consider them "OLTR candidates".
This is when I keep my fingers crossed and hope they don't LSNFTE me, give me drama, or have a jealousy explosion. Sadly, so far, they've all ended up doing one or more of those things which usually disqualifies them, either sending them down to the FB level or forever locking them into the MLTR category. Much of this is my problem, since my drama tolerance is so far below that of most men, considering most guys think regular drama from a woman is somehow "worth it". I do not. I am an Alpha male and I don't take kindly to my happiness being taken from me by anyone for any reason.
Regardless, I know many other men and women in a long-term OLTR relationship or marriage, and some of them even have kids. They're the happiest couples I know. Thus my search continues. But again, I'm living a damn good life so I'm really in no rush. If it happens next year, great. If it happens when I'm 50, that's also fine.
It sounds complicated.
It isn't. The only reason it sounds complicated to you is because you've never tried it. If you have an interest, I strongly suggest you give it a concerted effort for six months and try it. I think you'll like it. A lot. Hey, if you find you hate it (and I can't imagine why you would), you can always go back to the monogamy world filled with drama, restrictions, arguing, and lack of sex.
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BugsBugger 2011-11-07 03:00:09
When was the last time you barebacked?
Iggwilv 2011-11-07 09:29:59
This really gets my gears turning! Have you noticed if certain personalities are more happy with these relationships than others? You've talked a lot about women's ages. What's the oldest MLTR you've had?
Blackdragon 2011-11-08 10:07:13
@BugsBugger - About a week and a half ago. @Iggwilv - The only women who will absolutely refuse to do something like this are the hardcore religious ones. Other than that, all other types will go for it. Slutty girls, good girls, smart girls, dumb girls, educated women, corporate types, older women, younger women, etc, as long as you don't LIE which is a big component of all this. Of course, they have to be attracted to you and have sex with you a few times before a relationship occurs. Oldest MLTR I've had that actually lasted some real time: age 41. To this day I have three off-and-on FBs who have lasted many years and who are over 40.
CA sunshine 2011-11-20 17:36:16
As a very attractive woman looking to find the exact type of relationship you described, what suggetions do you have for me in order to meet like minded guys? Where do you meet the women?
Blackdragon 2011-11-20 21:37:55
90% of the women I meet are via online dating sites. As a woman, it's not really an issue of where to meet guys as how many you'll need to meet. Women seeking open relationships with men tend to run into more roadblocks than the reverse, because men tend to be more needy and sexually territorial than women. So regardless of where and how you meet men, just be prepared to go on lots of first dates and run through a lot of candidates (similar to what I do). Eventually you'll find a guy (or a few) who will be cool with the arrangement. If a guy you're dating freaks out about you wanting to sleep with other guys, redirect the conversation and reiterate to him that HE can go fuck all the other women he likes (within whatever ground rules you two come up with). Push this point as hard as you can. As jealous as a man might get, this is an irresistible "feature" to the male brain. 🙂
Brad 2013-07-24 23:28:01
Hi Blackdragon, first of all I just wanna thank you for your advices. Just by reading your blog, I felt empowered. Again, Thank you. Anyways, I have questions about sex, especially STD preventions. I know you're a sexually active guy, I mean u're not monogamous. I have always wanted to have sexual experiences just like u do, it really sounds like fun. But the thing is, I never do that, because I am always afraid that if I do that, I will get STDs, especially HIV. So, my question is, how do u deal with that? Have u ever feel worried about contracting STDs like HIV? I know that we should use protect ourself by using condom, but from what I heard, condom is not 100% effective. And even from french kissing, we can get HIV. And since HIV is incurable diseases, so, I decided that the risk is too high if i have a lifestyle like you and have sex with so many women. But deep inside, I want to experience these things. So I would be interested in hearing your perspective on this one. Many many thanks, Blackdragon
Blackdragon 2013-07-29 18:55:29
Heterosexual non-drug-using people in suburban areas are not at risk for HIV. Other STDs yes, but not HIV. For the other STDs, wear condoms, get tested for STDs twice a year, and ask the women you're with to do the same. I already made a post about condoms here: http://www.blackdragon-blog.com/2012/04/15/condoms/ Also, don't think that you must be having sex with 10 different women or whatever. One open girlfriend and one FB on the side is all you need. That's just 2 women! Not much extra STD risk there.
Juan 2014-07-04 17:07:39
BD, what do you do if a FB, or MLTR LSNFTE you, and says: "By the way I like you sooo much and want to keep on meeting you but just as friends." Is that ever happened to you? I would answer something like that: "Thanks very kind from you, on the other hand I have a lot of fiends, and don´t want to cause drama in your new LTR, because I am not a friend-type guy. I wish you the best!"
Minister 2015-12-31 15:07:37
BD, what do you think about the Coolidge effect? I am asking because, like you say, you never stop liking your women. Personally, I have experienced it many times.
Blackdragon 2015-12-31 16:54:46
BD, what do you think about the Coolidge effect? I am asking because, like you say, you never stop liking your women. Personally, I have experienced it many times.That's a problem for monogamous men. If you're nonmonogamous and still have that problem, you're probably a more Thrill of the Hunt personality style.
Minister 2016-01-01 01:21:50
I see. So, TOTH men cannot follow the Alpha 2.0 lifestyle.
Blackdragon 2016-01-01 01:56:41
Of course they can. They'll just experience much higher turnover in their relationships.
Silver 2018-06-21 14:21:25
BD - I am going through your guide (money well spent IMO!) and am having a difficult time reconciling something. There is a section about proof vs. evidence, which I understand. One of the examples is something like this: A social media post that says "Hey cutie!" is ok. A post that says "I loved our date last night" is not. While I agree and I see where this is going, what I am not clear on is - what would I even do about it? Keep in mind I am a recovering beta, recently red pilled and have been down some dark roads with women. There was a time when I was so pathetic I would hunt down and delete anything that might upset a jealous girlfriend and i think something like this example falls into that category. But that doesnt sound like an Integrated Man to me. That sounds like a paranoid beta on the verge of Oneitis that would do something like that. Since the rest of your advice is so spot on and clear this one puzzles me - my gut tells me the reaction is "Do nothing" and deal with it. But that brings me back to why point it out at all? Other than that my first foray into this lifestyle is going well - I have 2 WDs and am looking to expand my roster, so far keeping all the cardinal rules 🙂