What Women Want…According To Men

Thinking About Sex

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What Women Want…According To Men

-By Caleb Jones

This is an older joke, but a good one. I'm telling it here not to make you laugh, but to make you think.

A guy is stranded alone on a desert island. Every day for years he scans the horizon looking for a boat or a plane. One day, he sees something approaching in the ocean. Too small to be a boat, he assumes it's a raft. Minutes later a gorgeous, busty blonde woman emerges from the surf wearing a tight SCUBA suit and a waterproof pack. "How long have you been stranded here?" she asks. "Ten years," the man replies. "Wow," she says, "Then it's probably been a long time since you you've had a good cigar." "Oh yes," he says excitedly, "It has!" She unzips her suit a little and withdraws a small case with a perfectly dry fine Cuban cigar. She hands it to him along with a lighter.  Minutes later he's smoking the best cigar he's ever tasted. "It's probably been a long time since you've had some good whiskey," she says. "Hell yes!" he replies. Sure enough, she unzips her suit a little more pulls out some fine whiskey and soon he's drinking and smoking, feeling like heaven. Then she says, "It's probably been a long time since you've...well, you know...had a little fun."  She smiles coyly, tosses her hair, licks her lips, and slowly starts to unzip her suit even more, just starting to reveal her perfectly shaped breasts. "OH MY GOD!" the man cries in near-ecstasy, "Don't tell me you have some golf clubs in there too!"

One the greatest problems in man-woman relations is that we tend to think the other gender wants what we want. Sadly, men and women both do this. While in dating mode, both genders do what they think will attract the other gender, when in reality they're doing what would attract them. They do the things they would like the other gender to do rather than what the other gender is actually attracted to.

When they act upon this false belief, it always causes problems. I'll start with how men do this, then tackle the women.

Men are horndogs. Duh. When they're in dating mode, sex is in the forefront of their minds. When they hit the online dating sites, they assume women are desiring exactly what they desire. So when they email women, they say things like "Damn you're hot lol" or "Damn I could fuck you all night long baby" or "We should totally hook up. You should come over to my place tonight." One of the common complaints women give me about men is that men are always doing things like messaging them pictures of their penises.

Clearly this method not only doesn't work, but actually repels women away from men. Why do men do this then? Is it because they're stupid?

Well, in some cases, yes...some of these guys are just stupid.  However that's not the primary reason. It's simply because men are doing what would attract them if they were on the other side of the conversation. Assuming a man knew he wasn't talking to a prostitute, he would LOVE IT if a gal emailed him and said, "Damn! You're cute! I get off work tonight at 6:30. I can be at your place by 7 and we can hook up!  Here's a picture of my pussy to hold you over!" Men do what they wish women would do, not what women are actually attracted to.

Every time a man emails a picture of his cock to a gal or tries to fuck a gal on the first date, he's doing what he wishes women would do, not what women are attracted to. It's the default mode he's following, and not questioning.

Now let's see how women do this...

Go to an online dating site and randomly select about 20 profiles of women on there, being sure to cover all age ranges. You'll start to see an interesting pattern.

You'll very quickly notice that women will brag about how "smart" they are, how "tough" they are, how "sassy" they are, how "independent" they are, even how "badass" they are or how they can "be a bitch" sometimes.  They are prominently displaying these traits...bragging about them.

If you're a guy, be really honest with me for a minute. If you encounter a woman who is bragging about how "sassy" and "tough" she is, does that turn you on? Does that make you want to fuck her more? If you're being very honest, your answer is no...it actually turns you off a little. I'll take it to the next level: What if you encountered a woman who was instead talking about how "nice" she was, how "sweet" she was, how "fun" she was. Does that attract her more to you or repel her away from you? If you're being honest, most men would say they're more attracted to "nice" than they are to "sassy".

(Are there exceptions to every rule? Are there some men out there who are very attracted to badass dominant women? Of course. I'm talking about the majority of men here.)

Everyone instinctively knows that most men would be more strongly attracted to a nice woman than a tough woman. This is news to no one. Why then do women go out of their way to prominently display traits that will repel most men? Are they just dumb?

As with men, sometimes the answer is yes. However usually women are simply displaying the traits they wish men would display, traits that would turn them (the women) on. When a woman is bragging to possible suitors about her badass business acumen or her college degree, she's doing the exact same thing as when a man is emailing out pictures of his cock. They are doing what they wish the other gender would do, which is usually the opposite of what turns the other gender on.

It's pretty funny once you think about it.

This is why men who are calm, confident, and outcome independent get laid a lot. That's also why women who focus more on being nice and fun rather than being tough or independent tend to find their ideal men faster and have far less relationship problems, stress, and drama.

Now before you freak out, I'm not saying men should not be sexual and women should not be independent. I'm also not saying women don't want sex. If you've read my other stuff you know I don't believe any of those things (women actually want and enjoy sex more than men). I'm saying that during the dating/sarging/pickup phases, you should focus on what attracts the other gender rather than what you would like to see in the other gender. Just doing that alone will eliminate a lot of problems for you.

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This article was originally published on June 17, 2012


  • Sam Vincente 2012-06-18 16:45:51

    Well said. I'd put this under "projecting", i.e. expecting other people to be like you.

  • Jon 2012-06-19 09:14:15

    I saw a version of this at the gym recently. This guy (who was ripped) was hitting on a girl who was also working out, and at one point in the conversation pulled up his shirt and said "Hey! Count my abs!" I'd love it if a hot, fit woman did that to me, and I'm sure he would too, but she just rolled her eyes and said "I'm not counting your abs..." and proceeded to ignore him. Which makes me wonder what is the best way for a guy who is lean and muscular to show it off without looking like a douche? Or by wanting to show it off am I still falling into the trap of trying to attract women the way I want them to attract me...?

  • Matt 2012-06-19 16:09:25

    Secretly get her to fall on you, and then you say, "Oh, I'm glad I'm so strong and ripped to be able to catch you!" Then kiss your bicep. 😀 Honestly, just wear clothes that highlight whatever part of your body is attractive. Women notice instantly especially if they're into lean and muscular guys.