50 Shades of Grey

50 Shades of Grey

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50 Shades of Grey

-By Caleb Jones

I had no idea this book existed until one of my FBs brought it to my attention earlier this year. She practically got wet as she described it. I often got texts in the middle of the night from her as she was reading it in her bed, talking about how it reminded her of me. A little later a few other women brought this book to my attention. I have to thank this book's writer...this book has gotten me laid quite a bit. And I never even had to read it.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, 50 Shades of Grey is an erotic novel written by a woman for women about a badass billionaire throwing some serious BDSM sex at an innocent younger virgin gal. It is the fastest-selling paperback of all time, outselling even the Harry Potter books. Holy shit!

Believe it or not, it was written by some housewife in England originally as Twilight fan fiction. Holy shit again!

Honestly I'm still a little baffled as to why this particular erotic novel is surpassing all the others. I know women love erotic novels, especially featuring rich men, but for some reason this one has hit a chord.

As I said I have not read this book nor do I plan to. Dominant sex with younger women is a regular part of my life; reading a novel about it would be a waste of my time. Plus I've gotten enough descriptions from excited women to know all I want to know about the book. For the record I'm not into BDSM sex or chains and whips and that kind of thing, but I am into very dominant sex. Lots of pinning and yelling and throwing and crushing and things like that. Mmmmm.

Some of the reactions to this book are amusing. Most women in society are either dissatisfied housewives or women dating beta males, so of course a book like this is going to be like sweet chocolate to these gals. Other women are actually applauding this book because it celebrates monogamy(!). Celebrates monogamy? I thought it celebrated BDSM. Silly me. I would just love to see any woman attempt to maintain the hot dominant sex described in this book in any monogamous relationship that lasted past three years. Heh.

What does the success of this book show?

1. Despite what women say, they are hungry for dominant men. Yes, everything in Hollywood is shoving the "strong independent woman" and "stupid incompetent man" paradigm down women's throats. Just look at this horrific movie trailer from the latest Pixar movie. And yes, every other commercial or show on television shows stupid, timid, pussy husbands and strong, organized, intelligent wives.

Despite all that brainwashing, despite all the political correctness, at the core of their beings women still want men who are strong, take-charge, and dominant. It's what women are attracted to, and always will be, whether they admit it or not.

2. Most men are very bad in bed. Think about this. If most men were fantastically dominant in bed with women, ravishing women, giving them orgasm after orgasm, leaving them panting for more, would this book be so popular? If you're being really honest, you know the answer is no. The reason books like this sell so well is because the vast majority of men are terrible in bed. Fiction books are a substitute for things you don't experience in your real life.

I cringe when I hear women tell me stories about the normal men they've dated, men who meekly look at a woman and say things like "Can I kiss you?"  God damn. Kill me now. I can't tell you the number of times I'll be having sex with a woman, and I'll command her to turn over, or tilt her pelvis, or squeeze her pussy, or whatever, and I'll get a look of shock as they say "Wow! You actually tell me what to do! That's hot!".

When I first entered the seduction world, the first time or two a woman said this to me I actually said something like "What? Other men don't do that?"

Ah, how little I knew.

3. Monogamy bores the shit out of people. Very sadly, the vast majority of people in society are in a monogamous relationship or marriage. Time to be really honest with yourself again. If most people were like me, with several different sexual partners, all of whom are very attractive, and all of whom are exciting and different in their own ways, instead of being in a boring or drama-filled monogamous relationship (not including the initial temporary NRE period of course), do you really think this book would be selling as well as it is? Again, the answer is no.

Instead of actually living a consistently exciting sex life, as Alpha males and enlightened females do, normal people are forced to buy novels and read about it wistfully. It's a pity when you really think about it. Especially considering open relationships these days are far less difficult than people think.

So for you monogamous guys, go buy a copy of this book and give it to your GF or wife. It might help.

(Though trying a sexually open lifestyle would be much better.)

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This article was originally published on June 29, 2012
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  • Nick 2012-06-29 11:33:28

    There is rumor that Pixar's Brave is about a lesbian. Also, romance would sell well regardless of how well men fuck them. Women fuck well, and porn is still popular. Men have one fantasy: fucking. Women have two: disney & fucking

  • Jon 2012-06-29 12:11:41

    As far as that Brave/lesbian thing goes, I think Steven Colbert said it best: "Any 15 year old girl who resists an arranged marriage has got to be gay" 😛 Thanks for the write-up. I have no desire to read a romance novel either.

  • Blackdragon 2012-07-01 14:24:01

    @Nick - Romance novels will always be popular among women regardless of how well men fuck, yes. I'm talking about erotic sexual novels like this. And I'm not sure I agree that "women fuck well". Us guys have the bar set much lower in terms of the sexual prowess of our sexual partners. 🙂

  • Matt 2012-07-06 17:13:52

    I bought 50 Shades of Grey because I was bored in an airport waiting to get on the plane for none other than... BD's Chicago Retreat! 😀 I saw the book on the shelf and remembered all the hoopla about it from women I know and in the media. An woman I dated said I reminded her of Christian Grey. WTF is so great about this book anyway? So I bought it. I read it and saw a lot of myself in Christian Grey: cold, calculating, and mysterious. I started bringing this up during first dates... "Yeah someone said I remind them of Christian from that book. I read it and, unfortunately, it's true.... :-/ " "Why do you say that?" "Oh I'm rich and very bossy." 😛 I got DDB on that one, and it was a good conversation topic the other two times.