Get Free Email Updates!
Join us for FREE to get instant email updates!
-By Caleb Jones
This is probably the single biggest debate among player dudes. Some guys think that looks absolutely matter and are the absolute make-or-break. Other guys think that if you're cool, confident, dress nice, have strong game, etc, it doesn't matter how you look, women will still lay you.
Who's right?
The answer is: Both. It all goes back to the seduction point system I've talked about before.
Let's compare two guys. Both are confident, outcome independent guys with strong game. There's only one difference. Guy A is very good looking. He's tall, has the body of Adonis and a face like Brad Pitt. He's a physical 9.5 on the 1 to 10 scale. Guy B is not good looking at all. He's well under 6', has a chubby gut, balding a little, and has a very average, borderline ugly face. He's about a 5, i.e. not disgustingly ugly, but he's not physically attractive in any way like Guy A.
What's the difference in results between these two guys? There are three:
Difference 1
Guy B has to put in more numbers to pull the results of Guy A. Guy A can walk into a club or put a profile on a dating site and open far less numbers of women than Guy B in order to score the same number of dates, day2's, or lays. Can Guy B lay just as many women as Guy A? Can he fuck women who look just as hot as Guy A can? The answer to both questions is yes. BUT, and this is a big BUT, he will definitely have to put in more numbers to do so.
Difference 2
Guy B is going to have to be a little more cognizant of his target market than Guy A. Guys who look like Channing Tatum don't need to worry too much about the "type" of women they open. Just about any type will be attracted enough to at least listen to Guy A and give him a shot. Average looking or uglier dudes need to figure out the types of women who will be more likely to fuck them quickly, or they're going to be working too hard by wasting energies on the wrong women.
Difference 3
During the dating and seduction phases, women are going to be a little more forgiving of Guy A's shortcomings. If Guy A screws up one or two things during the dating or seduction process, women are much more likely to look past those things. On the other hand, Guy B has to be GOOD. He has much less room for error.
Sometimes women who give non-attractive guys "a chance", particularly women who know they're hot, will sometimes have much more of a "okay dude, you'd better impress me" type attitude...an attitude they would not have with a dumber and/or slightly less confident guy who looked like Matthew McConaughey.
This is why you might notice that many confident Alpha Males out there often tend to be physically less attractive men, and why a lot of really good looking dudes tend to be a little shy, or even complete pussies. It's because when it comes to getting women, uglier guys HAVE to perform. They don't have a choice. The uglier you are, the better you have to be.
I'm speaking generally of course. There are always exceptions to this. Of course a disgusting looking man could throw $30,000 at a super hot chick and get laid. But that's not what I'm talking about here.
Also, note that I said women will be a little more forgiving. Really good looking guys can and often do fuck things up and lose lays. Sometimes badly. (I have met many surprisingly good looking dudes who have big problems getting laid.) Lastly, I'm only talking about the dating and seduction phases here. Once you're in a relationship with a woman your good looks aren't going to help you at all. Conversely, your bad looks won't hurt you in a relationship. This is why a lot of uglier guys will give the advice "Get her to fall in love with you, then she won't care how you look." This is very true...even if you're really good looking!
(Side Note: This is one of the many reasons why seduction and relationships are two completely different skill sets, and why most player/ PUA guys who know how to get laid end up having horrible relationships, and why beta / AFC guys often make great, loving boyfriends but are terrible at getting laid once they get dumped. Seduction and relationships are two completely different situations that operate under a completely different set of rules. Way too many guys out there think that if they're good at one, they're automatically good at the other. Wrong.)
That's really it! Those are the three differences. Uglier guys can get laid just as much as good looking dudes and lay women of equal quality. They just have to work harder. That's why both sides of the debate are right...
Looks Do Matter
Saying "looks don't matter" is ridiculous. They absolutely do matter. A hot guy and a dumpy guy of equivalent confidence and game who do the same amount of pickup work are reliably going to result in the better looking guy getting laid way more. A confident, strong-game Guy B type guy cleaning up his hair and fashion and losing 40 pounds and getting bigger muscles and putting in shoe lifts will experience a sharp boost in results even if he doesn't change a thing he's doing in terms of pickup process. This is without question.
Looks Don't Matter
Saying "women are strongly attracted to qualities in men other than looks" is also absolutely, 100% true. Over the years I've seen very chubby guys, balding guys, ugly guys, emaciated skinny guys, and stupid looking guys get laid plenty, and with hot chicks, because they were confident dudes with strong game and weren't afraid to put in the numbers.
Around late 2009, early 2010 when I was laying huge amounts of women, including some of the best looking women I've ever been with, I was the fattest I had ever been in my life, i.e. over 250 pounds. But! I was, and am, confident, outcome independent, had strong game, focused on my target markets, and put in the numbers. So I got laid. A lot. And they were hot. But I did have to work and put in steady, relentless focus, and even then I did lose lays because of my appearance.
I'm glad I went through this process because in a way, being that chubby (and old, since I was hitting up a lot of much younger women) forced me to get good.
Thankfully I've lost most of that fat and brought up my muscle mass considerably. (Turning 40 really motivates a guy!) That leads into my second point. If you're not a good looking guy, and seduction is important to you, then looking the best you possibly can should be one of your highest priority goals.
I'll say it again: The better you look, the less you'll have to work, and the less numbers you'll have to put in order to lay the type of women you like. If you're one of those guys who "love a challenge", then I guess it's okay to continue to look shitty while you sarge women. But if you're a guy like me who likes to get from point A to point B as fast as possible, you need to look good. Or at least, look better.
As a matter of fact, if you look really bad, i.e. you're very fat or are seriously out of shape or have serious problems with your grooming or teeth or face, I would take six months off all dating and sarging and focus 100% on resolving your appearance problems. Give yourself a head-to-toe makeover like that dumb makeover show the chicks watch. THEN get back into the game once you look noticeably better.
You'll put in far less time and work doing it this way rather than hitting up thousands of women hoping to nail one. If you're over 40 and going after much younger women, this goes double for you.
I did something similar. While I didn't take six months off (since I never looked that bad), over the last five years or so I've slowly put myself through a physical makeover of sorts. I mentioned in a recent post that I was looking at some old photos of me from about ten years ago, back when I was a 30 year-old married AFC. Even though I was ten years younger, I look way, WAY better today, even though I still don't look anywhere near "hot" (at least in my opinion).
The difference in physical appearance between age 30 Blackdragon and age 40 Blackdragon is almost night and day. Seriously, I'm actually embarrassed to look at my photos from a decade ago. Today:
Ten years ago I was about a 4 in looks. Today with all the changes I've listed above, I'm about a 6, perhaps a 6.5 or even a 7 if I really push it. To women attracted to big confident men with big body movements, I could perhaps even squeeze out a low 8.0. Maybe.
When I lose another 25 pounds of body fat (which should get done in a few months before I have to start doing videos to promote the Alpha Male book), I will definitely be a hard 7.0, which is good enough. I don't need to be good looking, I just don't want to lose points based on my looks. A 7 should do it.
Yes, these number are all arbitrary of course, but my point is I focused on my looks to reduce my pickup/seduction workload. Unless you're already a really good looking guy, in which case you can go fuck yourself 🙂 , then I suggest you do the same. I promise you that if age 30 Blackdragon tried to pick up chicks, even if he had all the skills of age 40 Blackdragon, he'd have a really rough time, and would have to work really hard.
Working hard is not fun! Look better![/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]
Who's right?
The answer is: Both. It all goes back to the seduction point system I've talked about before.
Let's compare two guys. Both are confident, outcome independent guys with strong game. There's only one difference. Guy A is very good looking. He's tall, has the body of Adonis and a face like Brad Pitt. He's a physical 9.5 on the 1 to 10 scale. Guy B is not good looking at all. He's well under 6', has a chubby gut, balding a little, and has a very average, borderline ugly face. He's about a 5, i.e. not disgustingly ugly, but he's not physically attractive in any way like Guy A.
What's the difference in results between these two guys? There are three:
Difference 1
Guy B has to put in more numbers to pull the results of Guy A. Guy A can walk into a club or put a profile on a dating site and open far less numbers of women than Guy B in order to score the same number of dates, day2's, or lays. Can Guy B lay just as many women as Guy A? Can he fuck women who look just as hot as Guy A can? The answer to both questions is yes. BUT, and this is a big BUT, he will definitely have to put in more numbers to do so.
Difference 2
Guy B is going to have to be a little more cognizant of his target market than Guy A. Guys who look like Channing Tatum don't need to worry too much about the "type" of women they open. Just about any type will be attracted enough to at least listen to Guy A and give him a shot. Average looking or uglier dudes need to figure out the types of women who will be more likely to fuck them quickly, or they're going to be working too hard by wasting energies on the wrong women.
Difference 3
During the dating and seduction phases, women are going to be a little more forgiving of Guy A's shortcomings. If Guy A screws up one or two things during the dating or seduction process, women are much more likely to look past those things. On the other hand, Guy B has to be GOOD. He has much less room for error.
Sometimes women who give non-attractive guys "a chance", particularly women who know they're hot, will sometimes have much more of a "okay dude, you'd better impress me" type attitude...an attitude they would not have with a dumber and/or slightly less confident guy who looked like Matthew McConaughey.
This is why you might notice that many confident Alpha Males out there often tend to be physically less attractive men, and why a lot of really good looking dudes tend to be a little shy, or even complete pussies. It's because when it comes to getting women, uglier guys HAVE to perform. They don't have a choice. The uglier you are, the better you have to be.
I'm speaking generally of course. There are always exceptions to this. Of course a disgusting looking man could throw $30,000 at a super hot chick and get laid. But that's not what I'm talking about here.
Also, note that I said women will be a little more forgiving. Really good looking guys can and often do fuck things up and lose lays. Sometimes badly. (I have met many surprisingly good looking dudes who have big problems getting laid.) Lastly, I'm only talking about the dating and seduction phases here. Once you're in a relationship with a woman your good looks aren't going to help you at all. Conversely, your bad looks won't hurt you in a relationship. This is why a lot of uglier guys will give the advice "Get her to fall in love with you, then she won't care how you look." This is very true...even if you're really good looking!
(Side Note: This is one of the many reasons why seduction and relationships are two completely different skill sets, and why most player/ PUA guys who know how to get laid end up having horrible relationships, and why beta / AFC guys often make great, loving boyfriends but are terrible at getting laid once they get dumped. Seduction and relationships are two completely different situations that operate under a completely different set of rules. Way too many guys out there think that if they're good at one, they're automatically good at the other. Wrong.)
That's really it! Those are the three differences. Uglier guys can get laid just as much as good looking dudes and lay women of equal quality. They just have to work harder. That's why both sides of the debate are right...
Looks Do Matter
Saying "looks don't matter" is ridiculous. They absolutely do matter. A hot guy and a dumpy guy of equivalent confidence and game who do the same amount of pickup work are reliably going to result in the better looking guy getting laid way more. A confident, strong-game Guy B type guy cleaning up his hair and fashion and losing 40 pounds and getting bigger muscles and putting in shoe lifts will experience a sharp boost in results even if he doesn't change a thing he's doing in terms of pickup process. This is without question.
Looks Don't Matter
Saying "women are strongly attracted to qualities in men other than looks" is also absolutely, 100% true. Over the years I've seen very chubby guys, balding guys, ugly guys, emaciated skinny guys, and stupid looking guys get laid plenty, and with hot chicks, because they were confident dudes with strong game and weren't afraid to put in the numbers.
Around late 2009, early 2010 when I was laying huge amounts of women, including some of the best looking women I've ever been with, I was the fattest I had ever been in my life, i.e. over 250 pounds. But! I was, and am, confident, outcome independent, had strong game, focused on my target markets, and put in the numbers. So I got laid. A lot. And they were hot. But I did have to work and put in steady, relentless focus, and even then I did lose lays because of my appearance.
I'm glad I went through this process because in a way, being that chubby (and old, since I was hitting up a lot of much younger women) forced me to get good.
Thankfully I've lost most of that fat and brought up my muscle mass considerably. (Turning 40 really motivates a guy!) That leads into my second point. If you're not a good looking guy, and seduction is important to you, then looking the best you possibly can should be one of your highest priority goals.
I'll say it again: The better you look, the less you'll have to work, and the less numbers you'll have to put in order to lay the type of women you like. If you're one of those guys who "love a challenge", then I guess it's okay to continue to look shitty while you sarge women. But if you're a guy like me who likes to get from point A to point B as fast as possible, you need to look good. Or at least, look better.
As a matter of fact, if you look really bad, i.e. you're very fat or are seriously out of shape or have serious problems with your grooming or teeth or face, I would take six months off all dating and sarging and focus 100% on resolving your appearance problems. Give yourself a head-to-toe makeover like that dumb makeover show the chicks watch. THEN get back into the game once you look noticeably better.
You'll put in far less time and work doing it this way rather than hitting up thousands of women hoping to nail one. If you're over 40 and going after much younger women, this goes double for you.
I did something similar. While I didn't take six months off (since I never looked that bad), over the last five years or so I've slowly put myself through a physical makeover of sorts. I mentioned in a recent post that I was looking at some old photos of me from about ten years ago, back when I was a 30 year-old married AFC. Even though I was ten years younger, I look way, WAY better today, even though I still don't look anywhere near "hot" (at least in my opinion).
The difference in physical appearance between age 30 Blackdragon and age 40 Blackdragon is almost night and day. Seriously, I'm actually embarrassed to look at my photos from a decade ago. Today:
- I dress way better by paying attention to my fashion.
- I have more muscle due to regular weight lifting, especially in my shoulders, chest, and back.
- I have far less fat due to watching what I eat, down 30 pounds so far, (though I'm still technically overweight, I'm now down to being "big" instead of "fat"). I'm still continuing to lose fat every month, albeit slowly.
- I now have a full head of hair instead of the obvious balding one I had throughout my thirties.
- I have better posture and exude better, more strong and confident body language.
- Despite the fact I'm ten years older, I have much healthier looking skin due to a strict daily skin care regimen, other than a few tiny wrinkles around my eyes due to my age, which frankly I kinda like. (I've always had a bit of a baby face and the wrinkles "masculine-up" my face a little. Good. In my personal opinion, the more I can get to a Clint Eastwood-type look without looking old, the better.)
- When in sarging mode, I'm more tan (using a self-tanning lotion) which really makes a difference, improving my appearance and making me look healthier. (I have naturally very pale skin.)
- I usually have facial hair which most women are more attracted to than cleanly shaven.
- I'm far happier and more fulfilled than when I was married in a monogamous prison, and that happiness (I believe) carries out through my body through my movements and facial expressions, enhancing my physical appearance, at least a little bit.
Ten years ago I was about a 4 in looks. Today with all the changes I've listed above, I'm about a 6, perhaps a 6.5 or even a 7 if I really push it. To women attracted to big confident men with big body movements, I could perhaps even squeeze out a low 8.0. Maybe.
When I lose another 25 pounds of body fat (which should get done in a few months before I have to start doing videos to promote the Alpha Male book), I will definitely be a hard 7.0, which is good enough. I don't need to be good looking, I just don't want to lose points based on my looks. A 7 should do it.
Yes, these number are all arbitrary of course, but my point is I focused on my looks to reduce my pickup/seduction workload. Unless you're already a really good looking guy, in which case you can go fuck yourself 🙂 , then I suggest you do the same. I promise you that if age 30 Blackdragon tried to pick up chicks, even if he had all the skills of age 40 Blackdragon, he'd have a really rough time, and would have to work really hard.
Working hard is not fun! Look better![/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]
Want over 35 hours of how-to podcasts on how to improve your woman life and financial life? Want to be able to coach with me twice a month? Want access to hours of technique-based video and audio? The SMIC Program is a monthly podcast and coaching program where you get access to massive amounts of exclusive, members-only Alpha 2.0 content as soon as you sign up, and you can cancel whenever you want. Click here for the details.