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Do Looks Matter?
-By Caleb Jones
The answer is: Both. It all goes back to the seduction point system I've talked about before.
Let's compare two guys. Both are confident, outcome independent guys with strong game. There's only one difference. Guy A is very good looking. He's tall, has the body of Adonis and a face like Brad Pitt. He's a physical 9.5 on the 1 to 10 scale. Guy B is not good looking at all. He's well under 6', has a chubby gut, balding a little, and has a very average, borderline ugly face. He's about a 5, i.e. not disgustingly ugly, but he's not physically attractive in any way like Guy A.
What's the difference in results between these two guys? There are three:
Guy B has to put in more numbers to pull the results of Guy A. Guy A can walk into a club or put a profile on a dating site and open far less numbers of women than Guy B in order to score the same number of dates, day2's, or lays. Can Guy B lay just as many women as Guy A? Can he fuck women who look just as hot as Guy A can? The answer to both questions is yes. BUT, and this is a big BUT, he will definitely have to put in more numbers to do so.
Guy B is going to have to be a little more cognizant of his target market than Guy A. Guys who look like Channing Tatum don't need to worry too much about the "type" of women they open. Just about any type will be attracted enough to at least listen to Guy A and give him a shot. Average looking or uglier dudes need to figure out the types of women who will be more likely to fuck them quickly, or they're going to be working too hard by wasting energies on the wrong women.
During the dating and seduction phases, women are going to be a little more forgiving of Guy A's shortcomings. If Guy A screws up one or two things during the dating or seduction process, women are much more likely to look past those things. On the other hand, Guy B has to be GOOD. He has much less room for error.
Sometimes women who give non-attractive guys "a chance", particularly women who know they're hot, will sometimes have much more of a "okay dude, you'd better impress me" type attitude...an attitude they would not have with a dumber and/or slightly less confident guy who looked like Matthew McConaughey.
This is why you might notice that many confident Alpha Males out there often tend to be physically less attractive men, and why a lot of really good looking dudes tend to be a little shy, or even complete pussies. It's because when it comes to getting women, uglier guys HAVE to perform. They don't have a choice. The uglier you are, the better you have to be.
I'm speaking generally of course. There are always exceptions to this. Of course a disgusting looking man could throw $30,000 at a super hot chick and get laid. But that's not what I'm talking about here.
Also, note that I said women will be a little more forgiving. Really good looking guys can and often do fuck things up and lose lays. Sometimes badly. (I have met many surprisingly good looking dudes who have big problems getting laid.) Lastly, I'm only talking about the dating and seduction phases here. Once you're in a relationship with a woman your good looks aren't going to help you at all. Conversely, your bad looks won't hurt you in a relationship. This is why a lot of uglier guys will give the advice "Get her to fall in love with you, then she won't care how you look." This is very true...even if you're really good looking!
(Side Note: This is one of the many reasons why seduction and relationships are two completely different skill sets, and why most player/ PUA guys who know how to get laid end up having horrible relationships, and why beta / AFC guys often make great, loving boyfriends but are terrible at getting laid once they get dumped. Seduction and relationships are two completely different situations that operate under a completely different set of rules. Way too many guys out there think that if they're good at one, they're automatically good at the other. Wrong.)
That's really it! Those are the three differences. Uglier guys can get laid just as much as good looking dudes and lay women of equal quality. They just have to work harder. That's why both sides of the debate are right...
Looks Do Matter
Saying "looks don't matter" is ridiculous. They absolutely do matter. A hot guy and a dumpy guy of equivalent confidence and game who do the same amount of pickup work are reliably going to result in the better looking guy getting laid way more. A confident, strong-game Guy B type guy cleaning up his hair and fashion and losing 40 pounds and getting bigger muscles and putting in shoe lifts will experience a sharp boost in results even if he doesn't change a thing he's doing in terms of pickup process. This is without question.
Looks Don't Matter
Saying "women are strongly attracted to qualities in men other than looks" is also absolutely, 100% true. Over the years I've seen very chubby guys, balding guys, ugly guys, emaciated skinny guys, and stupid looking guys get laid plenty, and with hot chicks, because they were confident dudes with strong game and weren't afraid to put in the numbers.
Around late 2009, early 2010 when I was laying huge amounts of women, including some of the best looking women I've ever been with, I was the fattest I had ever been in my life, i.e. over 250 pounds. But! I was, and am, confident, outcome independent, had strong game, focused on my target markets, and put in the numbers. So I got laid. A lot. And they were hot. But I did have to work and put in steady, relentless focus, and even then I did lose lays because of my appearance.
I'm glad I went through this process because in a way, being that chubby (and old, since I was hitting up a lot of much younger women) forced me to get good.
Thankfully I've lost most of that fat and brought up my muscle mass considerably. (Turning 40 really motivates a guy!) That leads into my second point. If you're not a good looking guy, and seduction is important to you, then looking the best you possibly can should be one of your highest priority goals.
I'll say it again: The better you look, the less you'll have to work, and the less numbers you'll have to put in order to lay the type of women you like. If you're one of those guys who "love a challenge", then I guess it's okay to continue to look shitty while you sarge women. But if you're a guy like me who likes to get from point A to point B as fast as possible, you need to look good. Or at least, look better.
As a matter of fact, if you look really bad, i.e. you're very fat or are seriously out of shape or have serious problems with your grooming or teeth or face, I would take six months off all dating and sarging and focus 100% on resolving your appearance problems. Give yourself a head-to-toe makeover like that dumb makeover show the chicks watch. THEN get back into the game once you look noticeably better.
You'll put in far less time and work doing it this way rather than hitting up thousands of women hoping to nail one. If you're over 40 and going after much younger women, this goes double for you.
I did something similar. While I didn't take six months off (since I never looked that bad), over the last five years or so I've slowly put myself through a physical makeover of sorts. I mentioned in a recent post that I was looking at some old photos of me from about ten years ago, back when I was a 30 year-old married AFC. Even though I was ten years younger, I look way, WAY better today, even though I still don't look anywhere near "hot" (at least in my opinion).
The difference in physical appearance between age 30 Blackdragon and age 40 Blackdragon is almost night and day. Seriously, I'm actually embarrassed to look at my photos from a decade ago. Today:
- I dress way better by paying attention to my fashion.
- I have more muscle due to regular weight lifting, especially in my shoulders, chest, and back.
- I have far less fat due to watching what I eat, down 30 pounds so far, (though I'm still technically overweight, I'm now down to being "big" instead of "fat"). I'm still continuing to lose fat every month, albeit slowly.
- I now have a full head of hair instead of the obvious balding one I had throughout my thirties.
- I have better posture and exude better, more strong and confident body language.
- Despite the fact I'm ten years older, I have much healthier looking skin due to a strict daily skin care regimen, other than a few tiny wrinkles around my eyes due to my age, which frankly I kinda like. (I've always had a bit of a baby face and the wrinkles "masculine-up" my face a little. Good. In my personal opinion, the more I can get to a Clint Eastwood-type look without looking old, the better.)
- When in sarging mode, I'm more tan (using a self-tanning lotion) which really makes a difference, improving my appearance and making me look healthier. (I have naturally very pale skin.)
- I usually have facial hair which most women are more attracted to than cleanly shaven.
- I'm far happier and more fulfilled than when I was married in a monogamous prison, and that happiness (I believe) carries out through my body through my movements and facial expressions, enhancing my physical appearance, at least a little bit.
Ten years ago I was about a 4 in looks. Today with all the changes I've listed above, I'm about a 6, perhaps a 6.5 or even a 7 if I really push it. To women attracted to big confident men with big body movements, I could perhaps even squeeze out a low 8.0. Maybe.
When I lose another 25 pounds of body fat (which should get done in a few months before I have to start doing videos to promote the Alpha Male book), I will definitely be a hard 7.0, which is good enough. I don't need to be good looking, I just don't want to lose points based on my looks. A 7 should do it.
Yes, these number are all arbitrary of course, but my point is I focused on my looks to reduce my pickup/seduction workload. Unless you're already a really good looking guy, in which case you can go fuck yourself 🙂 , then I suggest you do the same. I promise you that if age 30 Blackdragon tried to pick up chicks, even if he had all the skills of age 40 Blackdragon, he'd have a really rough time, and would have to work really hard.
Working hard is not fun! Look better![/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]
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Kevin Velasco 2012-09-02 13:35:32
Keep it up with the weight loss. Have you been doing HIIT cardio? I prefer HIIT jump rope for cardio. What's your skin care regimen? I've always struggled to maintain clear skin and I know for some women that could be a make-or-break thing.
Jon 2012-09-02 17:17:12
Thanks for the reminder about the daily skin regimen. I've got the stuff but I keep forgetting to use it.
Blackdragon 2012-09-03 20:47:13
@Kevin - No HIIT for me. Just normal cardio with a heart rate monitor at 70%-75% heart rate daily for 30 min. The more complicated a task is, the less likely I'll stick with it, so I keep things simple. Skin regimen is big topic, but to summarize it's 1) face wash, 2) moisturizer (one for face, one for eyes), 3) sunblock, and 4) exfoliant. Vitamins and water consumption also come into play.
Oxyjinn 2012-09-26 04:15:17
In my 15 years lifting experience there's one exercise that is the nr.1 core of my workout(s) and that is squating. Do your research for the variations, sets and reps for your particular needs, but if you want to boost your results from lifting it's a must. (Squating and leg-pressing are two completely different exercises). P.S. BD, combine this with incline runnig and you'll smile in the face of Bitch Mountain on top of it.
Don 2016-03-18 10:21:48
For any of you men that need the fashion advice and recommendations - hit me up, I am right on traget with my advice. D.
Niteride Mick 2017-01-04 12:03:23
BD learn to box mate You lose that weight in no time Plus you learn a skill too and also you can look after yourself cheers!!
Stefano 2017-12-24 09:33:49
This BD blog is generally pretty helpful with the types of men and women, relationship realism, etc. However, I have to say that this advice on looks not mattering is HORRIBLE. Looks and SMV (1-10) entirely define what "league" you play in. You cannot simply make it up with numbers of approaches. "Game" is simply the ability to attract and maintain women in your own league (looks-wise). Looks have always been a thing with day and night game and real life approaches and social circle, and that is only magnified with the popularity of online dating (where nobody even proceeds to look at profile words, job, etc if they don't like the photos... just on to the next guy/girl's pictures!). It doesn't matter if a guy who is a 5 in his pictures sends clever intros to 1000 women who are SMV 8-10 level... they will all have many intro emails from guys who are 8-10 and his will likely not even be read. Facts of life. If he wants those women, he needs to go to the gym, dress better, work on career... and still probably get realistic about who he targets. I know RLD is technically a 'competitor site,' but he references your stuff in the top link and other of his, and I'm sure you are aware of his biz? Both DB and RLD are very, very good, but in this topic, I certainly think it's more realistic here: https://revolutionarylifestyledesign.com/definitive-guide-dating-statistics-expect-game/ https://revolutionarylifestyledesign.com/calculate-maximize-sexual-market-value/ ...You can generally succeed with approach at your own SMV level and maybe one level above or below. A guy who is a 6 should go for 5-7 range women. Above that level, the results get WILDLY inconsistent and generally a huge time waste, and we all know this. If you go lower, you should be shooting fish in a barrel (the 6 can get and maintain level 1-4 women easily if he has reasonable game). If you go higher than your SMV, it is difficult to impossible (the 6 will have a VERY tough time with 8-10 women even if he has perfect game, lies, cheats, etc etc). Hypergamy is, and will ALWAYS be, a thing. No hot chic who takes care of herself will want to breed with a guy who has poorer social status, looks, health, etc than her. It makes no sense - even on a short term basis. Sex is not a scarce resource to women. Can she still date or marry a subpar guy for money or when beta hunting or looking to "get back at my ex"? Yep, sure, but she will walk all over him, and he will probably be cucked or dropped completely at the first and any chance she gets. You will have much better, more consistent, and more satisfying results if you stay at or near your level (even for purely casual). Using, manipulation, and rejection are invited when you attempt to cheat the game. Be well.
joelsuf 2017-12-24 16:50:53
Hypergamy is, and will ALWAYS be, a thing.This is something only Sex-Negative boys who can't get laid bitch about. You aren't fooling me. Can't wait until JOTB finds this comment lol. "Hypergamy" helps Alpha 2s, and greatly so. More chicks who don't care about locking dudes down after sex. More sexually aggressive chicks. Less religious assholes (and their female supremacist counterparts) who want to make sure only certain people can have sex under certain circumstances. It's thanks to "hypergamy" that I had more sex in the last five years than in my entire 20s. So if "hypergamy" and "hookup culture" is so wrong, I don't want to be right.
You can generally succeed with approach at your own SMV level and maybe one level above or below. A guy who is a 6 should go for 5-7 range women.If you are lazy (which I am lol) and/or afraid of rejection then sure. That will give you success. But does it mean you are not capable of better? No. A guy who is a 6 should work on SMV (and SMV doesn't just = appearance it's a whole bunch of stuff) while still going for the 8-9 range chicks.
Above that level, the results get WILDLY inconsistent and generally a huge time waste, and we all know this.We all know that? So your observations speak for everyone now? Watch your Dunning-Kreuger observations, homie.