Lying Online – Women Do It Too

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Lying Online – Women Do It Too

-By Caleb Jones

This story is true. Ready for this? I'll summarize.

A 30-year old lesbian is platonic friends with a straight 51 year-old religious woman. The lesbian wants to fuck the religious chick, age difference notwithstanding.

So no problem. Lesbian gets on Yahoo Messenger (a tool I use heavily in my own online game by the way, so it definitely works) and lies to her friend, telling her she used to have breast cancer and it has possibly returned. Then lesbian makes up a fake Yahoo profile making her look like a doctor, contacting the friend again. The "doctor" tells the friend that it would help address her friend's cancer if she had sex with her. Because it would "produce a hormone" or something. (God this is awesome.)

Religious chick falls for it, and starts fucking the lesbian. Mission accomplished.

But hey, lesbian wants more. Like many lesbians, she doesn't just want to have sex, she wants to get married. Scissoring isn't enough for her I guess. People often forget that lesbians are still women, and the whole marriage/kids/picket fence agenda doesn't go away if a woman happens to prefer other women.

So no problem. Lesbian tells her new lover she must get married in order to win some custody battle she has with her kids from a prior lesbian relationship. It's all a lie. (Of course.)

Religious chick falls for it, and marries the lesbian.

Mission accomplished again. One of the most deceptive lesbians marries one of the dumbest 51 year-olds. Just. Awesome. Eventually the 51 year-old's daughter smells a rat (ya think?) and they discover they've been fooled. A little late though.

This story is so funny and so interesting on so many levels. It shows a few things:
  • Men aren't the only ones who lie online.
  • Men aren't the only ones who lie online for sex.
  • Despite all the public knowledge about how deceptive people can be online, people still fall for all kinds of obviously false shit.
  • Lesbians are awesome.
  • Lesbians are horny. Ladies, if a lesbian really wants to fuck you, watch out. Fight it all you want. Lesbians always win in the end. You know you want it, ladies. All those times you saw Jennifer Aniston or Tila Tequila and wondered "Hmm..." Yeah. You can't fool me.
  • Based on my wild guess, this 51 year-old is not only a moron, but also probably not as "straight" as her religious beliefs want her to be. People will come up with all kinds of ridiculous excuses to perform sexual acts they want to do but feel constrained to do by societal programming.

I'm going to put up an online dating profile clearly stating that I'm Brad Pitt. I'm gonna get so laid.

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This article was originally published on November 1, 2012


  • M Silvertree 2012-11-01 11:39:20

    People need to click on the news story link. The perp looks nothing like the glamed up Hollywood Bimbette in the picture that heads this post. More like a makeup free 200 pound 5 who has a made a good start on a double chin. She might have been attractive if she hadn't put on a hundred pounds. I'm sure the 51 year old is a real boner generating cougar herself. The media image of Lesbians is Lindsay Lohan or Portia de Rossi, but in reality it is usually women who make Rosie O'Donnell look like a catch. Could the real driver behind the rise in lesbianism be that 200 lb fat chicks can't get laid except by other cat herding land-whales?

  • Alejandro 2012-11-01 13:29:53

    Here in Germany I also notice that most lesbians, or at least the most public ones (the ones kissing other girls in public and shit), tend to be really fat and kind of ugly.

  • Blackdragon 2012-11-01 19:32:13

    The media image of Lesbians is Lindsay Lohan or Portia de Rossi, but in reality it is usually women who make Rosie O’Donnell look like a catch.
    Very true. I've met a lot of lesbians in my day and I can't remember one I'd actually have sex with. (Hardcore bisexual that's a completely different story.)
    Could the real driver behind the rise in lesbianism be that 200 lb fat chicks can’t get laid except by other cat herding land-whales?
    I once thought of that, but fat chicks can get laid. Just look at OKCupid and you'll see. So that's not it.

  • Matt T. 2012-11-01 20:39:58

    Lol! This post is awesome. For your Brad Pitt fake profile, add this bit in: "Angelina and I agree that our new adopted son, Abebe, needs a good mother in America. I'm looking for that one woman who can be everything this child needs..."