A Fantasy Profile

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We've been talking a lot lately about online profiles, but today I'm going to switch things around and talk about the kind woman's profile that I would like. The following is not real. It's an example of the kind of profile I wish certain honest women would write. Ah, a man can dream..

-By Caleb Jones

Hi guys! I’m Kimberly! I know guys like to get right to the point, so since I’m trying to attract a guy, I’m gonna do just that!

Sex is very important to me and I need to have sex several times a week. Hehe. I know how to come vaginally so I tend to come a lot! If you can handle that, we’re in good shape!!! I’m also a little loud during sex and like to make lots of noise, so if you live in attached housing of any kind, you should probably have thick walls.

I fully respect men’s time. If I don’t like you romantically, and have no interest in ever having sex with you, I will tell you within the first five minutes of our first date, since that’s exactly when I’ll know. I'm not going to expect you to keep taking me out on dates or spending more time with me after that. That's just not cool! I respect your time (and hopefully you'll respect mine too).

If I do like you, I will have sex with you the second or third time we meet. (Unless you turn out to be a complete asshole of course.) I WOULD have sex with you sooner, but for some odd reason I can’t explain, there’s this magical power within me that prevents me from having sex with a guy I just met on the first date. Isn't that weird? LOLOLOL.

I really don’t like to give men drama. Men have enough shit to worry about in their lives! If you ever say or do anything I don’t like, I will just say “OK, whatever,” and change the topic to something fun. I never scream or yell at guys and I always keep my cool, or at least I try! I'm a girl but I do my best! There is another strange magical force within me that sometimes makes me say things that don’t make any sense. I'm not perfect, I do that sometimes, but I'm fully aware of it and do my best to control it.

I fully understand that sex is just a simple biological function that brings pleasure to two people. I understand that people can have sex and have it not mean anything. So once we’re dating, if you want to have sex with other women, that’s totally cool with me as long as it doesn't mean anything.

Just make sure you wear a condom when you do it though! Safety first! Haha. I understand you, as a man who can compartmentalize sex much better than women can, can love me while having sex with some other woman and not have it affect your love for me. I admit I don't totally understand it myself (I'm a girl!) but I do accept that men can pull that off.

As you can see from my photos, I'm cute. I’ve got big boobs and a nice butt. My hair is very long because I think short hair is for lezzies! LOL. Since I want to attract a high quality man, I look as hot as I can, all the time. I'll be honest, I don't think it's fair that women have to look hot and men don't, but I accept that's how society works, so I always make my appearance a priority. Even if we end up getting serious or married, I will work very hard to not gain a lot of weight, I won't cut my hair short, and I'll never stop coloring it. If that's the price I have to pay to get and keep a quality guy, I'll do it.

I will want kids someday though, so keep that in mind. Yeah, sometimes I try to act all cool and independent and modern and say that I "never want kids", but that's just how I feel right now. Someday later I will want some. So if we get serious, don't be surprised down the road when I start demanding kids now matter how cool I play it now.  LOL.

I’m also very smart, but not a bitch like many smart women can be. I can converse on a wide range of interesting topics, as you’ll find out if we meet. I’m fun, and like to do fun things. Money is nice, but I don’t expect to be pampered. I have enough income and self confidence to not need some man to buy me food and drinks all the time. I even like to pay sometimes. This ain't the 1950's any more...I know how to pay for plenty of my own stuff when we're dating.

Well, if you’re interested send me an email. I check my inbox every day and I always respond to all emails with 24 hours, because this dating thing is a priority in my life that I take seriously. If you don't get an email back from me within about 24 hours, you can safely assume that I'm not interested.
Thanks guys! Hope to hear from you!

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