Get Free Email Updates!
Join us for FREE to get instant email updates!
Women’s Workplace Conflict
A few days ago, I was at one of my corporate client companies, consulting away as usual in my day job. A man and a woman were talking in the hallway right outside the office I was working in. They were discussing a work issue. A third coworker arrived, a woman, and asked the man a question about some paperwork. The man turned to the woman and gave her a very curt answer. He wasn't rude. Just very curt. You know the way some guys get when they're in "work mode" and aren't super polite? Like that.
-By Caleb Jones
A little while later, another coworker, a woman who had absolutely nothing to do with any of this, went to the now angry woman's office to ask her a question about what she wanted done with a certain piece of paperwork. The now angry woman screamed, "I don't give a shit what you do with it!", then physically pushed the woman out of her office, and slammed the door loudly.
Of course the woman was bewildered at why she did that, and was now a little pissed off herself. For the rest of the day she was growling to herself, "Get your hands off me." Being a woman, she immediately told everyone else in the office what had just happened, including me. I had already heard the entire thing, being just a few offices down the hall.
For the rest of the day, the angry, coworker-shoving, door-slamming woman hid away in her office with the door shut, and refused to answer the incoming calls to the office, which was her job.
For the rest of the day, people had to scramble to answer all the massive amounts of incoming phone calls because Ms. Angry refused to do what she was being paid to do. For the rest of the day, the morale of the entire office was in the gutter, with everyone gossiping, complaining, and being frightened to go talk to the original guy or either of the now two angry women. For the rest of the day, everyone in the office avoided the coworker-shover, even if they needed her input on key work issues.
Well, so what? What's that have to do with women? Men lose their shit at work too!
I knew you'd say that.
For those of you who have ever worked in an office environment, take a minute and reflect on a few questions.
How many times have you seen a woman cry at work?
How many times have you seen a man cry at work?
How many times have you seen a woman get pissed and lose her shit at work?
How many times have you seen a man get pissed and lose his shit at work?
Want some more? I've got more.
How many times have you seen a woman gossip at work for long stretches about drama when she should have been working?
How many times have you seen a man gossip at work for long stretches about drama when he should have been working?
Here's a HUGE one...
How many times have you seen a woman talking to her kids on the phone when she should have been working?
How many times have you seen a man talking to his kids on the phone when he should have been working?
By the way, what would have happened if a man had physically put his hands on a coworker and shoved him/her out of his office? Moreover a coworker who had absolutely nothing to do with the reason he was upset?
I have said before that I enjoy working with women and woman can be very effective in the workplace, and I stand by that. Of course men do drama at work and waste time on social activities when they should be working. But if you compare them to women, it's no contest. As a professional consultant I have worked in the offices of hundreds of different companies over the last 25 years of my life, and I can tell you for a fact that women do this way more than men. It's not even close.
There is no solution to this problem. This is how women are. Women don't have the logic or emotional control to say "Okay, I'm at work now. I can't cry or lose my shit. I'll have to wait until I'm home to do that." So instead people just cower away from it and accept it.
Yes, men lose their shit too, but men do it less often because A) they have a little more emotional control and tend to be more task-oriented (rather than feeling-oriented) than women and B) men know that if they lose their shit, they're going to be called out on it, and likely punished for it. With women in the workplace this is often not the case.
Oh well. This all reminds me why I don't have employees any more. Thank goodness.
Want over 35 hours of how-to podcasts on how to improve your woman life and financial life? Want to be able to coach with me twice a month? Want access to hours of technique-based video and audio? The SMIC Program is a monthly podcast and coaching program where you get access to massive amounts of exclusive, members-only Alpha 2.0 content as soon as you sign up, and you can cancel whenever you want. Click here for the details.
Get Free Email Updates!
Join us for FREE to get instant email updates!
Blimy 2013-03-07 11:33:27
Last Summer I had a less than cookie cutter experience with woman drama in the work place; but in the end still predictable. Was working in a warehouse/office enviornment in Southwest Missouri (where most men are very right wing religiously brainwashed betas so a little more prone to a more feminine kind of drama (gossiping etc) than your average American male). Nearly all guys in the work place and most wined, pointed fingers, gossiped and were very, very illogical. One attractive woman working in the office and a few fat and older ones. The attractive woman was in her mid thirties, very work oriented, mostly logical, low drama, had no kids; she obviously wanted her own life and saw the drama and bad work ethics a lot of women have. The other women talked shit about her, tried to feed her fatty foods and generally hated on her. For quit awhile she didn't let it get to her. She didn't gossip. Didn't do anything but go outside and take deep breathes if she was upset. Both of us being busy and me being one of the only confident, non-judgmental guys around the attractive office worker eventually threw herself at me. Her first big illogical move. I was into it if simply because I wasn't suppose to do it. I knew better. With all the guys who talked about fucking her every time her back was turned and watched her every move, eventually they figured it out. So I had my haters. With keeping that secret and all the shit talking in the office going on she eventually snapped. Told off a few women in the office, acted like the place couldn't be run without her (even though she'd only been there about half a year) and started getting in on the gossip mill. Cried in the office a few times, started talking to friends and family on the phone while still on the clock. So she was fired shortly after. I was lucky I didn't lose my job along side her. 'Luckily one of the managers liked me. We'd been having sex for months, she got clingy and I got bored. You can guess how much longer that lasted. Point is even an intelligent woman, who knows the strengths and weaknesses of her sex, who tries to be a stronger individual, not abuse double standards, stay away from gossiping and tearing others down, who simply wants to be an asset to her company...well these women are still surrounded by drama, other women pushing their buttons trying to push them over the edge (nothing like women on women hating) and eventually stress and instinct (emotional reactions first) will kick in. I'd say they'll drag themselves down and at times people around them too...but with today's office politics what they are it might just be a man who takes the blame 'I only did it because Bob called me a whore/slapped my ass/etc". (Even if he didn't). So Bob is fired so the company can cover their ass and guess who keeps her job? Watch yourselves out there guys, especially around the attractive women in the business world.
aneroidocean 2013-03-07 14:06:41
If women were equally as good of workers overall or BETTER than men and would work for an iota less dollar-wise than men, companies would be shitting bricks trying to fill their rosters with women.
Tom 2013-03-07 22:58:54
I think this article would be better if you eliminated 'women' from the title and made the point that, as an Alpha guy, it's important to understand that people can become upset over very little things, and you can look like the "guy who caused it" (and you never want to be that guy). As it stands now, the article doesn't really drive home a solid point -- only that women don't keep their emotions in check as much as men, which is debatable because I could say that a guy shouting and slamming his keyboard while trading is just as bad as a girl slamming doors, shoving co-workers, and pouting. It's all drama, just in different regards. Maybe you could use an employee or two after all 🙂
Blackdragon 2013-03-08 11:21:59
that women don’t keep their emotions in check as much as men, which is debatableIt’s not debatable as demonstrated by relaying my vast experience in office environments and using the specific questions I posed. That was the point of the article, which you seemed to have missed, which is amazing. The quantity of drama in the workplace is higher with women. I'm sorry to say that, but it's accurate.
I could say that a guy shouting and slamming his keyboard while trading is just as bad as a girl slamming doors, shoving co-workers and poutingSomeone slamming their keyboard is equivalent to someone physically shoving a coworker? Someone yelling is equivalent to refusing to do your job for eight hours? Do you really believe the things you're saying?
Tom 2013-03-09 09:01:35
I haven't read all your writings, but from what I have read, your beliefs are rooted in mainstream good and bad, legal and illegal, right and wrong. This kind of surprises me considering your sexual relationships are very different than what the mainstream typically does. In one way you're at odds with "them" but in the other you're right along side. There are thought processes that fall in line with what I've said. They just view things differently. For example, they'd say that there's no difference between physically or mentally causing someone harm. You could even say that a shove means nothing compared to the verbal torment that one might cause. It's just a different philosophy.
Alejandro 2013-03-09 10:27:12
We should totally apply Tom's philosophy to the legal system and make yelling at someone at the street to be just as bad as physically assaulting him. Hell, we could even start putting people in jail for saying mean things to other people...who knows what mental harm could they cause them?? Its amazing the things guys can come up with just to argue.
Tom 2013-03-09 12:43:11
Alejandro, there wouldn't be a legal system, or anything. Those things (good-bad, legality, right-wrong) are all imperfect somethings that were defined to try to make sense of the world, but it doesn't hold true all the time and you can argue against each in multiple ways. That's what I was saying: it's all subjective with the mind.
Bo 2013-03-09 13:21:37
A harrowing thought: have drama-filled workplaces contributed to the decline in American economic productivity?
Bo 2013-03-09 13:23:46
I'm quite proud my tax dollars have been siphoned off for the educations of the Toms of the world. 🙂
Mr Dile 2013-03-13 07:42:50
Tom reminds me of my previous fiancee. Seriously. She once made the point that all wars in the world would end if women were in charge of all governments. Women were better leaders, she argued. I took the cue and asked her to lead me to the exit. Bo, you nailed it. Time to return the patriachy and reboot civilisation.
Marsupial 2016-04-07 16:37:27
The law draws a distinction between assault and battery. Physically shoving someone is a battery. Right and wrong don't enter into it in the workplace as much as does legal and illegal. You do not lay your hands on people you work with unless you are security and that's your job. BD's point is that for a certain identifiable half of the population, so often what's going on in their internal emotional world is more important than any other consideration, and they have this odd idea that it justifies pretty much any sort of behaviour.
Marc 2017-11-10 10:23:15
mmm, I see it at home, if anybody loses its shit (mum (ex), daughters) ; it is ok. If I lose my shit, it is bad ...