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Top Ten Complaints From Girlfriends You WANT To Hear
Drama is bad. Much of what I talk about is how to avoid drama from women. However there are actually some complaints Alphas can occasionally get from women that demonstrate you're doing things right. Of course, if you hear any complaints too often, it's time to next her. But if you have to hear them occasionally, these are the ones you want to be hearing. Most of these apply to all relationships; some of them only apply to nonmonogamous ones.
-By Caleb Jones
1. "You never get jealous. That means you don't really care about me."
This is what I call a "clone statement". This is a meme a woman hears from her female friends that gets lodged in her head and that she later repeats. Many gals will tell a woman "OMG he doesn't care if you flirt with other guys? He doesn't get jealous? Then he really doesn't like you." The gal will then repeat this to the man she's dating without even thinking, even if she logically knows the man does care about her, or even loves her.
2. "All my friends hate you."
Most women want their girlfriends to be dating sweet, obedient, pussified beta males. So if most of the female friends of a woman you're dating don't like you, this is a very, very good sign. By the way, this goes double for your woman's male friends. It means you're not acting like the typical pussy beta male everyone expects you to be. By the way, "hate" is often woman language for "attracted to". True stat from my life: I have had sex with many of my FB's and MLTR's girlfriends who supposedly "hated me" too.
3. "You need to change."
Translation from Woman to English: "You need to start adhering to my Disney Beta Male Conversion Program™." The instant you start doing that, betaization, drama, reduced attraction, and reduced sex will begin to occur. The longer she wants you to "change", the longer her attraction for you will remain.
4. "Why didn't you cum today? Hey...you're saving it for some other girl! Aren't you?!?"
Women hate it when you don't cum. It drives them crazy. If her first thought is that you're saving it for some other chick, well done. She still assumes you're a sexual possibility to other women, whether true or not.
5. "Why don't you ever comment on my Facebook? All the other guys do."
I've talked before about how commenting on a girl's FB page or photos is the kiss of death. Let her orbiters do this. You have better things to do. If she notices, all the better.
6. "God, you are so cheap!"
I love it when women tell me this. Love it! I promise you AFCs rarely hear this complaint. To clarify, this doesn't mean you're poor and can't afford stuff. It means you can afford to pay for things but you don't.
7. "You're so busy all the time!" or "I only see you like once a week!"
Who is a woman more likely to lose attraction for eventually: the guy who has plenty of time, is always available, and is always home playing Halo, or the guy who's impossible to nail down because he's always out out working and doing important things with his life? Take a wild guess.
8. "Could you just try to be monogamous? Just try?"
This one's reserved for guys like me who only do nonmonogamous relationships (FBs, MLTRs, or OLTR). If a woman you're dating a) knows you're not monogamous to her, and b) wants you to be, and c) keeps dating you anyway, then your frame with her likely can't be much better. Think a woman like that won't last? Think again. I have dated women for over four years straight who were like this. If you do everything right, it works.
9. "Why am I always the one paying for stuff?"
Ah yes. This one is music to my ears. This one is even better than the "God, you're so cheap!" complaint. If you ever hear a woman complain about this (I have certainly heard it a few times in my day), then congratulations. If she's often paying for the both of you when you go out, that's fantastic. You get an A+.
10. "You never text me."
This is probably the best one of them all, and the most indicative of your overall frame with her. Most men text women too much. Women are used to them texting all the damn time. If she's actually complaining you "never" text her, you are sending all kinds of attraction-boosting and attraction-maintaining subcommunicated messages. No other "positive" complaint says more about your overall frame than this one.
So if you've heard any of these complaints, well done and keep it up. (Just make sure she doesn't complain too loudly or too often. Then it's time for a soft next.) If you've never heard any of the above complaints from the woman you're dating...uh oh. Trouble is on its way if it hasn't arrived already. And it's going to be your fault.
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GOB 2013-03-31 08:47:41
Wow, great post. I really like that I've got most of them, but from different chicks. Especially that I wasn't jealous at all, long before I've heard this poly-amory thing. What is your opinion about facebook-chat, skype, or calling a girl? I tend to do these things, long after the first sex. I thought it was building comfort, and if I don't get needy, it can't hurt.... I've got the “You need to change” complaint rarely, but something tells me I'll get it more frequently(with the "try monogamy" bullshit). What is the best answer to that, if not just a big smile and silence? I used something like this: "I don't want to change myself, because I like the person I'm evolved to. I challenged every part of mindset, and now it's rock solid."
Maldek 2013-03-31 09:10:12
1 and 4 sound familiar. 2 I do not understand. Similar to an employee inviting his boss for diner ONCE is fine, but if boss shows up for diner frequently it would be kina weird? Please explain. How would you rate this drama, good or bad? Girl 1: "Why are you with me? Girl 2 has bigger boobs/longer legs (insert random body part here). You will leave me for her, I know it!
Blackdragon 2013-03-31 12:10:32
What is your opinion about facebook-chat, skype, or calling a girl?Any form of contact is fine as long as you aren't doing it very often, and ideally she's contacting you more than the reverse. Maldek-
2 I do not understand. Similar to an employee inviting his boss for diner ONCE is fine, but if boss shows up for diner frequently it would be kina weird? Please explain.You're talking about the actions of the man, and in this post I'll I'm talking about is the words of the woman. Should you be a complete asshole and specifically demand a woman usually pay for you? No. I'm saying that if you hear that complaint, it's a good thing.
How would you rate this drama, good or bad?Like I said, ALL drama is bad. There is no such thing as "good" drama. I'm just saying if you must hear a little drama, you want it to be a certain "flavor".
Girl 1: “Why are you with me? Girl 2 has bigger boobs/longer legs (insert random body part here). You will leave me for her, I know it!No bad, but not as good as the ones I listed.
eric hartman 2013-04-03 04:21:29
My ex LTR was telling me 5 of all 10 above mentioned constantly.Especially the #10. Yet she dumped me (well technically I nexted her after an unbearable campaign of betaisation-she started withholding sex etc.and started seeing another guy and was directly hinting to me about it.In reality it was her dumping me).Its more than a year passed and she is very happy with him,posting all the relationship whoring stuff online.He does even more (beta).She never posted anything with me.Not even one thing.They are very popular in my town in certain circles. Wtf was it than?
eric hartman 2013-04-03 04:54:33
Dumped me after 6 months
Blimy 2013-04-03 07:15:56
@Eric I'm sure BD's insight will have more weight with this but; you're asking why she dumped you AND put up Facebook post of him and not you? Are you trying to look for logical reasoning behind this? "How did I lead that relationship to fail" kind of thoughts? You probably did very little wrong. If you were getting a lot of the above complaints you were probably more alpha(ish...or at least on your way) than not, thing is alpha guys get 'dumped/nexted' plenty. Women often can't handle an alpha's confident 'I have options/I do what I want' attitude. It challenges them and they don't know how to handle it, especially when they throw complaints/shit test like the above at you and it doesn't phase you. So an alpha gets dumped by a girl and she goes to a beta because it gives her a sense of control. More truly confident women will do this less, but we don't have a lot of those in our society. As far as Facebook goes, 'normal' (insecure American) women will almost always parade around a beta they can control (look what I did, he's a good boy on a leash isn't he cute!) than parade around an alpha/bad boy who may fuck her friends...so no FB status for you. Essentially those are good problems to have. Don't look at it like 'wtf went wrong' but that you had more good times than bad and it's time to find the next adventure.
Blimy 2013-04-03 07:18:22
And screw how popular they are. Who gives a damn. If it carries enough weight in that town for it to hurt you hooking up with other women you need a bigger more liberal town.
Blackdragon 2013-04-03 10:24:37
@Eric - 1. She's betaizing him. So you're proving the point. You had a lower tolerance for her crap, so you left. As you said, he's more of a beta than you, so he's tolerating and staying. He's not happy, and he'll get dumped (or cheated on) eventually, but for the time being he's staying. 2. People are completely full of crap regarding what they put on their Facebook pages regarding their relationships or marriages. Trust me on this.
Eric Hartman 2013-04-03 10:46:43
@Blimy.@BD. Thanks for commenting,I appreciate it.
Michael 2013-04-03 19:59:55
@GOB-- The best response to "you need to change," is "why, what's wrong with my shirt? I love this shirt. Do you think it matches my pants?" It's called the "distract and re-direct."
Mike 2013-04-12 22:06:39
Do you ever get, "you feel no emotions"?
Blackdragon 2013-04-12 22:39:10
If I got that complaint, no woman would stay with me longer than 2 or 3 months. Most last many years. So...
dennis 2013-04-21 09:05:08
I got one more. "Why don't you have my(our) picture on your iphone?" I usually say I'm not a picture guy. I've had all the complaints above except for 3,4 and 6.
Al 2015-08-18 21:59:30
Hey Guys and Gals. I know this is a really old post but I'd just like to say that I attained membership of the "You're an asshole" club today. Without BD's translator and posts like this I would not have known how to take it. I'm laughing! 🙂
Greg 2017-01-31 09:59:08
What if she says "You have to stop acting like an alpha male, I hate it!"
Blackdragon 2017-01-31 13:05:54
What if she says “You have to stop acting like an alpha male, I hate it!”"Well, you'd better get used to it, because I act like that all the time."
Nate 2018-02-01 02:31:49
What if she says “You have to stop acting like an alpha male, I hate it!”"I'm not acting"
Sam-G 2019-07-22 07:17:21
Do you ever get, “you feel no emotions”? BD, I get this complaint a few times combined with "my best friends hate you" and "why you don't see at all my stories in Instagram, all others do see them". I lean towards Alpha Male 2.0 attitude, however, would you say based on the above that I may lean more to a too-of-an-asshole version of it? Should I take some of my edge off?
Bob 2020-02-02 04:47:04
BD, I have got complaint that I am very private/secret kind of person (which I am). Is that complaint I should want to hear or woman who is saying that probably will not stay with me too long?