Sex As We Age

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Sex As We Age

This chart has been flowing around the manosphere lately, graciously created by Razib Khan based on this study. It paints a very sad picture...for men and women both.This is true! But that doesn't take into account the fact that women over 33 place more rules about when it's "appropriate" for them to have sex. The chart above clearly indicates this. They might be more horny, but they're having less sex. So the fact that they're more horny is irrelevant.

-By Caleb Jones

Why Women Have Less Sex As They Age

Of course if you've been reading my stuff nothing in this chart should be any surprise. Women under 33 have frequent sex. This is because they enjoy it and don't see it as some kind of defeat, surrender, or violation of self worth.

This changes as a woman crosses age 33 or so. Even though she desires sex more than she did in her teens or 20s, because of false Societal Programming she now views sex outside of a serious relationship as some kind of one-sided compromise, even failure. She feels as if she's losing something by having sex. The only exception to this is when the sex is under a very specific, pre-approved structure she's created for herself from Societal Programming, ASD, Disney and Woman Logic.

Women under 33 don't feel they're losing anything at all. They want to have sex, they enjoy having sex, so they have sex. It's that simple.

Increased Sex Drive Is Irrelevant

The most fascinating part about all of this is the old saying about how women reach their sexual peak of pleasure and desire in their mid-thirties tends to be true. As I've talked about before, women in their mid-30s and 40s are very, VERY horny. There's no doubt about that at all.

Often when I talk about under-33 women having more sex (or sex more quickly) than older women, people will often retort with "Oh bullshit, women in their 30s-40s are way hornier!".

Here is one of the unbreakable laws of the universe:

Generally speaking, the older a woman is, the more rules she has regarding when it's acceptable for her to have sex, largely irrelevant of her sexual desire or attraction for the man in question.  If she's 19 years old, she'll have two or three rules. Rules about how the guy can't be too creepy or weird. That's about it. Other than that, she's down for sex (assuming she's physically attracted to the guy of course).

If she's 26 years old, she'll a few more rules. Rules about how discreet she thinks he'll be, how strong she views him, etc. By age 38, she'll have pages and pages of rules. You'd need a god damn table of contents to keep track of them all. Moreover, many of the rules will have absolutely nothing about sex. Assuming you're not the young hot sixpack guy with no money exception-to-the-rule (which is in itself is a rule in a way), she'll have rules about the number of dates she needs, what will be done or not done on those dates, the topics he brings up on those dates, how much money is spent on her, the color of his socks, the age or number of his children, how often he calls or texts her, how clean the inside of his car is, on and on and on.

Older women will happily judge the appropriateness of sex with you on the most irrelevant shit you can possibly imagine. That's even if she is very sexually attracted to you, and even if she has no intention of a deeper relationship with you. If her pages and pages of rules aren't met, she won't have sex. She "doesn't do that any more".

Have you ever been out on a first date with a woman, and you can tell all she's doing is going through her "checklist"? I have. It's insulting. Just about every time, it was with a woman who was over age 33. These women are, very sadly, prisoners of their own rules.

Rules Are Fine - But It's A Matter Of Degree

Is having rules regarding when you have sex bad? Of course not. I have rules myself. I don't fault women for having some rules about sex. If a woman has a rule that she doesn't fuck a man she's just met, that's fine. (I don't try to fuck women on the first date.) And of course condoms should be used, etc.

But if you're an over 33 woman and you're going to sexually disqualify a guy you're already attracted to because he tries to have sex with you on the third date instead of waiting until the fourth date "like a gentleman", or because you think he wears the color green too much (both real reasons I've heard over-33's use to disqualify otherwise attractive men), then sweetie, we're in stupid zone. You're just being insane.

Moreover, if you start attacking younger, sex-loving women for taking all those quality men away from your potential market, now you're really getting insane. Stop it with the insane rules and you'll get quality guys knocking on your door too. I don't fault you for having rules. I fault you for A) having too many rules, and B) having too many irrelevant rules.
Over-33 women won't deny this. On the contrary, they will spend a lot of time defending these insane rules. As is typical in society, we vehemently defend the very things that make us unhappy.

So sad.

Why Men Have Less Sex As They Age

I have to be objective here and discuss the men too. Just because women are fucking this up badly doesn't mean men are exempt from criticism on this issue. As you can see from the graph, men in their 30s have just as much sex as they did in their mid to late 20s. Very nice. Good job, men.

However, we can't look at this graph and instantly see some kind of major victory for older guys. As clearly shown, as soon as men hit their 40s there is a sharp decline in sexual activity, and this decline is even sharper in the 50s.

Why is this? There are many reasons, but I'll give you the biggest one:


For most men, the 40s is when the gradual process of societal and feminine betaization is complete. Your 40s is time to "grow up" and "settle down" and "stop being selfish", put your balls in your wife's purse, follow her orders, stop having as much sex (because, c'mon, sex is for "young people"), mow the lawn, and start stressing out about things like your retirement and the crap the neighbor kids leave on your driveway.

(This is until she divorces you, of course. Then you'll have even bigger problems. But that won't happen to you because You've Fucked A Lot Of Girls™ so you Know What You're Doing™ and your wife is Not Like That™ because She's Not Like The Rest™. Yeah yeah. I know.)

So your frequency of sex drops like a stone. Along with your testosterone, health, self-esteem, happiness, motivation, and zest for life.

The vast, vast majority of men I know in their mid-40s are not necessarily miserable, but they're married, tired, unmotivated, complaining all the time, and their greatest source of joy in life is the rare occasion when the wife "leaves them alone" so they can work on the roof or the car for about an hour.

Yikes. Such a stark difference between that and the motivated, excited guys in their late 20s to mid 30s.

One of my long term goals in life is to keep my health and testosterone levels equivalent to a man age 35...even when I get into my 50s and beyond. I don't ever want to loose that edge, excitement, and motivation...or the sex! I consider age 35 to be the "optimal" overall age for a man (if there is such a thing). In your mid 30s you're still decent looking (perhaps even better looking than when you were younger), but you also have a solid foundation for success and confidence in your life, unlike those younger guys. It's the best of both worlds.

The graph bares this out. Guys in their 30s are getting laid hardcore. So stick with that, even if you're past your 30s. Just like older women should not be a victim of their insane sex rules, you should not be a victim of laziness or Societal Programming. Man or woman, your goal should be the exception to that graph, not an example of it.

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This article was originally published on May 2, 2013


  • lifeofalovergirl 2013-05-02 07:43:22

    This chart is showing how many people have had sex in the past year. Who, once they become sexually active, goes a YEAR without sex?? Oh, wait, married people with kids. Women have less sex then because they are caught up in child rearing. So why aren't their husbands dropping off at as frequent a rate? Because prostitution exists for men (and not women). They can easily get sex at least once a year while their wife is being faithful at home. Because they are busy with kids and bored to tears with one another sexually they just aren't fucking each other. I think the decline exists, for both sexes, because of marriage. Go find divorced men and women and they are having sex, in their 30's, 40's and 50's anyway...I don't know much beyond that. I'd guess after menopause and when men start losing erections more that is an issue too.

  • Bastardly 2013-05-02 09:00:07

    BD: I hope you keep posting (somewhere) well into your 50's: I'm very curious to see how a guy in his 50's who takes care of himself and has a healthy attitude towards sex manages to keep a healthy rotation of younger partners going. I know it can be done, I've seen it, but not analyzed. I'm sure you'll still be able to meet women but knowing that the number of women who aren't over 33 and attracted to or let themselves fuck men in their 50's might be a challenge to overcome. Yeah there are a good amount of women attracted to older guys but that would be around 30 years older (when in your 50's). So I'm curious how you'll adjust to keep the younger women around as you get older. Adjusted screening practices?

  • BA 2013-05-02 11:50:18

    As a nearly 50 year old married man, I can support what you say. I'm ready to go two or three times a day. But the missus isn't interested. It frustrates the crap out of me. 3-6 weeks in between drives me to distraction. I hit the rack early because I'm up at 5am to hit the gym, so she just doesn't come to bed till I'm asleep. If she does when I'm awake, I go all hands on to get her in the mood since I know just how to get her motor started. She wakes me when I snore sometimes, which annoyed me, but I've started to use her waking me as a start to sexy time. In response, she's started sleeping in a different room. Sigh. But never fear, change is coming. The various parts of the manosphere have shown that my SMV is relatively good if I stay in the right league. I've also always been very good with the ladies and flirting; the game blogs have helped me improve and focus there. And my time in the gym with heavy weight is obvious. I just need a bit more balls to do what I know I should.

  • Jim 2013-05-02 13:25:26

    Does anyone see a solution to any of this? The whole more rules thing is a chain reaction that's a result, I assume, of various shit that happens to women along the way (when they're younger) and a product of what they hear on tv, etc. It's no wonder that by the time women reach their 30s they've been through stuff that makes it nearly illogical (to use your word "insane") to continue living the same as they did in their 20s.

  • Sparks 2013-05-02 13:48:38

    Notice how the graph is almost identical in shape to the 'sexual market value' graph, i.e. men lag behind women until about age 30 where they overtake them. Men in their 30s are still having just as much sex as they did before 30 but the women aren't. Presumably they are fucking younger women, nothing wrong with that of course 🙂 Notice also how the peak 'drops' in the graph for women are after age 30 and after age 40. These are the times when their 'rules' increase, they will say they 'don't just fuck anybody anymore' like they did in their 20s/30s. Women might tell us they are at their sexual 'peak' in their 30s (not something I believe btw) but they certainly don't seem to actually want sex by then.

  • lifeofalovergirl 2013-05-02 14:20:30

    I think one of the reasons women seem more standoffish as they are older is because they perceive men to be thinking of them as less attractive due to their age. So they put up a wall. The men who are showing them they appreciate them and are attracted to them are getting plenty of sex with them and probably much better sex than they were having/giving in their 20's. It's the boring, unattractive husbands and the guys who make it clear they prefer younger women that are out in the cold. Just sayin.... Think of it as another level of "secret society". When I meet older women at the swinger they are definitely showing a sexual side that you don't see out of virtually any females under 30. I have always had a high sex drive but I know for a fact it went up around when I hit thirty and shortly after I got involved in an affair. Yes, I was having probably more sex in my TEENS (not in my 20's as I was married to a man with a low sex drive or gay or whatever the hell that was) than I am now, but it was because I had more free time. I'm 36 and in the past month I've had sex with 4 different guys because I was only able to go out on 4 different weekends. That's really what it boils down to. If I didn't have kids and were free every night it might have been 30, lol. 😉

  • Blackdragon 2013-05-02 17:29:48

    LG - Your argument assumes that most married men are regularly having sex with hookers. This is untrue.

    It’s the boring, unattractive husbands and the guys who make it clear they prefer younger women that are out in the cold. Just sayin
    Men who like younger women are not telling over-33 women this on first, second or third dates. So that has nothing to do with it. Plus, guys who like younger women won't even be going out with women over 33 to begin with! We’re talking about men who like women age 33 and over but who would rather not be forced to wait weeks and weeks before having sex. Bastardly- I personally know several guys age 50+ who are dating women as young as 19 (though most are dating women age 22-25). It's not a big deal and not nearly as difficult as one would think. (I’ve been trying to get these guys to do a guest blog post here but none have bitten yet.) Granted, these guys are doing everything right. They're not “good looking”, but they aren't fat, they dress well, they take care of their skin and hair and overall appearance, don't get needy, practice solid game, etc. Jim- There is no solution. The "solution" would be for men to en mass, flat-out, stop dating women over age 33 unless these women had sex with them on second or third dates just like other women do. Older women would do an instant 180 on this if that happened. But men aren't going to do that, so...

  • David McCracken 2013-05-02 17:51:16

    Great post, and hooray for me being 35. I agree, I feel I'm at my peak attractiveness right now. In regards to maintaining ones health into later years, it would be interested to see a post on male HRT.

  • lifeofalovergirl 2013-05-02 20:06:14

    BD- No, I'm assuming that most married men who don't get any sex from their wife for an entire year will resort to seeing a hooker at least once. That's not an option for women. This graph only asks whether the person has had vaginal sex in the past year, so it's really a pretty poor indicator except for that there might be more women out there than men who would go without sex for an entire year (I still maintain that a lot of men would have to but for the service of hookers). I disagree that men who like younger women aren't trying to date women over 33 and going out with them. The vast majority don't believe they can GET women that much younger than them and don't even try. So they come at older women with an attitude like they OWE them something (since they are these old unattractive hags that they presume can't do any better), which is highly unattractive and pushes women even further away. No woman I know personally over 33 wants to wait weeks and weeks to have sex, unless they are a religious fanatic. If they are telling you that its because they want something else out of you ($$$). They might wait a date or two if they like you but no one in their right mind actually wants to wait ages and ages to have sex. You aren't conveying that you are a part of the Older Women Secret Society, lol. I keep trying to tell you that. Again, these men might not be TELLING older women that they see them as less attractive but believe me it is conveyed. I stay far away from those types because I find the attitude unattractive and there are tons of guys who still want to fuck me, so it would be a waste of my time. Key word here is APPRECIATION. Older women want to be APPRECIATED, both for their looks and sexuality, plus her other attributes.

  • Blackdragon 2013-05-02 22:11:57

    If you would like to lay out a very specific, step-by-step system of how a man over the age of 35 can consistently fuck women over the age 33 on the second date with less than $15 spent grand total, just like with women in their 20s, then please describe it. Be very specific, please. Feel free to do it here or over at your blog if you need more space. If you can't do that, then everything you just said is B.S.

  • lifeofalovergirl 2013-05-02 23:09:38

    Specific, step by step systems are not my forte but I'll give it a whirl! First, you have to get her to go out on a date with you. Women over 33 don't have time to beat around the bush, so be direct and invite her out right away. THEN spend your fucking $15. Take her out for drinks or coffee and offer dessert and an appetizer. Go through the formalities so she knows you are genuinely interested and not a cheapskate. By the second date you shouldn't have to do this again. DURING the date, give lots of eye contact, touch her here and there and make it VERY CLEAR you find her very sexy and attractive. You will probably have to offer a compliment or two. Don't make it a lame one like "you are so gorgeous". Find something unique to compliment. Again, focus on her SEXINESS. TALK about sex, and tell her some exciting stories of encounters you have had to the point that she will want to open up and discuss hers. She's not a blushing virgin, she's over thirty and can handle this. Portray yourself as someone who can give her exciting adventures and try new things. Pretty much all women in that age range are looking for something to break the monotony of life. Ask her about the life she has led and what kinds of encounters she has had, no judgments. Make clear that you LOVE it that she is "fun". Talk about bucket lists of things you would like to do and include sexual things in there that you think she'd enjoy or hasn't tried yet. DON'T be the boring old guy!! Show her respect and don't necessarily push sex on the first date but you have to at least kiss her!! For the second date invite her over to your place for whatever. Drinks and a movie or dinner in. Then ESCALATE on her. She doesn't have time for this bullshit about taking ages to get in her panties. If she's looking for a permanent relationship don't hesitate to let her know you are happy to be her lover in the meantime while she's still searching. I'm not kidding. Most women in that age range you can be more real with. We are done with Disney. Be direct, direct, direct but do it in a CLASSY way. No "nice tits" statements. More like "you are a very sexy woman, I love the mischievous look in your eye". Make it clear she is turning you on and don't be looking at every 20 something that walks past. Tell her you find her "intriguing" or compliment the way she walks or eats her food or something unusual and tie it in to how you can tell a woman who does that likes excitement in the bedroom. It may sound cheesy but really I think women in that age range, probably more so than younger ones are looking for someone who seems to really DESIRE her. So many have felt that lack in years of marriage by that point. You need to focus on NOTICING her femininity. So many women are in the rat race and used to being recognized for their accomplishments but not so much their sex appeal. Let her know you can see the "fun" under the façade. This can become a self fulfilling prophesy Tell her you "see" her in a certain way that is positive and she will strive to act that way. It's basic human nature.

  • Ken 2013-05-03 00:22:36

    "I personally know several guys age 50+ who are dating women as young as 19 " Wow, that's cool. "I’ve been trying to get these guys to do a guest blog post here but none have bitten yet." That must be frustrating. "They’re not 'good looking' ...." Hmmm..... I think they probably are. 🙂

  • dennis 2013-05-03 10:38:25

    I'm 60 workout with weights, have a six pack and am buff. I'm on testosterone replacement therapy which is a necessity for men over 50. I usually date and fuck women in their forties and fifties. Yes I've encountered "the rules" but if she doesn't fuck by day 2 or 3 she's history no matter what. I usually get the rule, "I don't know if we should fuck now because I've had such bad experiences by jumping into bed to soon" . I usually respond by saying something like "why let your bad past experiences ruin our good relationship", If that doesn't do it..NEXT. it's a numbers game. If online, I email 50 women, 5 to 10 will respond. 1 or 2 of those women will fuck by day 2 or 3. My only problem at my age is that the number of women that look good/hot enough to fuck decreases exponentially with age. I shutter to think what women will be fuckable when I'm 80!

  • Not My Real Name 2013-05-03 11:16:36


    Who, once they become sexually active, goes a YEAR without sex??
    Me. I'm a divorced guy in my late 30s with no kids, and it will be four years this month since the last time I had sex. I'm not a naturally social guy, so I don't have a social circle to pull from, don't meet women through work, and I'm not that motivated to put in the work learn how to meet women online, in bars, or wherever. I've made a few half-ass attempts, but never really followed through. I have to admit that there is also some unresolved pain associated with getting back in the game which doesn't help. For the most part I filled my life with work, projects and hobbies to compensate for opting-out of the dating pool. I realize it's kind of dysfunctional which is why I follow a very small number of blogs like this - to remind myself that getting this area of my life handled is still on my to-do list. Sure, it's in the someday/maybe section, but it is on the list. When my ex-wife stopped sleeping with me, I have to admit that I considered the prostitute option, but never followed through for a several reasons: it's illegal where I live, it's not convenient, I was nervous about trying to hire someone off the internet who may or may not be who they claim to be and having them come to my house, I was concerned about possible diseases and also afraid that once I did pay for sex I'd get addicted to it. I kind of wish it was legal and more readily available because I'm a lot better at my job than I am at dating, so focusing my energy on work and just paying for sex makes a lot of sense on a certain level. I guess my point is that I don't know how many normal married guys would actually hire a professional if they weren't having sex at home. I'm not complaining, just presenting my own life as a rebuttal to your assumption that it's only married people with kids who aren't having sex while divorced people are. It's like Jake Johannsen pointed out on Dr. Katz ( your friends think you can have sex with anyone you want after you get divorced, but they forget that it's really not that easy.

  • lifeofalovergirl 2013-05-03 11:50:11

    @Not My Real Name- You admit that you aren't really trying and I think THAT is the gist of your problem. You can't be scared of this. The concerns you state like STD's are mostly preventable (condoms). Yes, hookers are illegal but I just figured every man out there has hired an escort or frequents strip clubs or something if he's not getting much sex. I can't imagine how lonely you must feel not touching someone sexually for that long. You have no kids so you must have a lot of alone time where you could put the energy and effort into seeking something out if you wanted to. I know it's hard for guys and your post really reminded me of that so thanks for opening my eyes, but it's NOT unattainable! You mention hobbies. Do you have any hobbies that could put you into more contact with women and getting to know them? I admit as a woman, this stuff seems easy as pie to me so thanks for opening my eyes a bit and reminding me why blogs like Blackdragon's here exist. I get sex easily but I also take risks that some women are unwilling to take. Like I will occasionally put out or respond to Craigslist ads and a lot of folks fear that but it's not as bad as you'd think. In this day and age, with all the online dating sites, it really doesn't hurt to give it a try! Even if you go out on dates and they don't end up in sex you are getting yourself out there and meeting people and that can help combat the loneliness. I want to encourage you to do something NOW and not keep putting it off because the older you get and the longer you've been sitting around waiting the harder it is going to be! You might have some bad experiences but keep on keeping on and some good will eventually come out of it too.

  • Jack 2013-05-03 13:42:33

    @Lovergirl: "Who, once they become sexually active, goes a year without sex?" You have no idea how offensive and condescending that question is to a man. On the old masf, Mariken once said: "Welcome to the world of women, where sex is cheap, common, easily attainable, no big deal, and therefore, not valued." When I hear a woman say, "It's just sex, what's the big deal?," it takes all my energy to restrain myself from committing a felony. Apparently, as a woman, you're not aware of the concept of 97 percent of women gravitating to 3 percent of men, and 97 percent of men being left to compete for the remaining 3 percent of women. Sex isn't hard for you because a man would have to be the ruler of the world to get sex from anyone with a snap of his fingers, and all you have to do is your hair. Thank you for reminding me how clueless women are to men's sexual frustration. Men say yes because they'll be accused of being gay if they don't. But women look for reasons to say no and will only say yes to men whom they consider super special (and try accusing them of being lesbians). Mariken also said: "Men don't feel valued unless they get sex. Women don't feel valued unless they can be reassured that they don't have to have sex." Indeed, men consider sex to be the default position between a man and a woman. Only a small minority of women are put in a disfavored "friends" category. Most women, however, are the opposite - believing that "no sex" is the default and only a small category of men get to have sex with them. These stuck up bitches call it "respecting themselves," as if denying themselves pleasure is a form of self-respect instead of self-masochism and MPS. Before insulting men any further, please read this (and refer to it often):

  • Jack 2013-05-03 13:45:07


  • Jack 2013-05-03 13:46:17

    Testing... Hey BD, do you have some kind of new software that censors comments?

  • Jack 2013-05-03 13:56:43

    Or does your system automatically block links to other blogs? I posted a long response to Lovergirl about her opinion that sex is easy, and I linked to another guy's blog who was involuntarily celibate all his life. And my post won't materialize.

  • Blackdragon 2013-05-03 15:45:04

    Lovergirl - What you described is exactly what I (and many others) are already doing (other than complimenting appearance). So try again. Jack - WordPress corporate will auto-spam comments with too many links to other sites. I hate it and have no control over it. I've restored your comments though.

  • lifeofalovergirl 2013-05-03 22:42:58

    Oh lord Jack, I wasn't trying to be insulting. I'm sorry though because reading some of these comments does make me think a bit about how hard it must be for some men. You'd think after all those years of posting on the forums I would have a clue how difficult it is for guys in general but it really didn't register to that degree. Maybe because so many of the posts were from the so called "gurus" and guys that claimed to be getting laid a lot. This again reinforced the idea that it's not all that hard for men either. Anyhow, I think women have an especially hard time understanding men's viewpoint there. Not only because sex comes so easily to us (and is therefore "cheap" while relationships mean something) but because the guys we HAVE had sex with always seem to be fucking everything that moves. So because we mostly fuck that 3% (is it really THAT low?) we are thinking all guys have it that easy and can run out and fuck someone whenever they want to. We also get offended when they "just want sex" because to us that's treating us as though we are in the "easy" bottom 3% of women...or something like that. While you are knocking women for wanting "self respect" remember that the vast majority of men treat women who give them sex too easily as "whores" and "sluts". They look DOWN on them for being too "easy". So yeah, we don't want to be put down like that and will go out of our way to avoid the degradation that ensues from man's Madonna/whore complex.

  • dennis 2013-05-04 12:09:05

    @Jack. It's not that hard at all to find women who want to fuck. Just follow BD's advice. However, it does take work and real time practice but the rewards are worth it. @LG. I don't think the majority of men who are fucking women who fuck right away think that these women are "whores" and "sluts". Any man who thinks that way is a dumb asshole and there's something wrong with his mental state. I personally think that a women who fucks right away, who doesn't play stupid games or has dumb rules is a great woman and a woman who I want to be with for a long time ( as long as she continues to fuck on demand).

  • Jack 2013-05-04 12:37:09

    @Dennis: My current sex life is decent. The blog I linked to isn't mine. I was just pointing out to Lovergirl that the majority of men can't simply go to a bar, flip their hair, bat their eyelashes, and get laid just like that. It requires work for us, unlike for women. Thanks though.

  • Not My Real Name 2013-05-06 17:01:59

    I appreciate your concern LG, but it's really not that bad. If it was I'd probably be doing something about it. As it is, I think I'm more a victim of laziness - at least when it comes to women and dating. I've learned enough to know what I have to do, and, at the moment, I'm just not willing to do it. That's why I'm not complaining - my four year dry spell is my own fault. I think that a lot of the guys who are really bitter about this (like the guy in link Jack shared) are angry because the game doesn't work the way they think it should. I used to be that way, but, after learning the rules, I just decided not to play, so there's no point in being angry or sad. However, a part of me understands that this isn't a healthy attitude since we're basically hard-wired to reproduce, which is why I read Blackdragon's blog in the first place...

  • Kim 2015-07-06 09:56:13

    Interesting point of view. Slightly skewed toward stereotyping the 40-something married woman. I am 47 and married. I married my husband 5 years ago. It is a second marriage for both of us. We dated for 4 years prior to tying the knot. Before marriage, my husband was a self-proclaimed addict to thinking about/having sex. I casually had concerns that maybe I couldn't satisfy him! In reality, however, our life as newlyweds couldn't have been more disappointing and dry in the sex arena. He always had some excuse for not wanting me. I also learned he was, and had been for 2 years, having an on-line affair with a coworker who lives in another state but works for the same company. It was a devastating revelation. Now I am not a supermodel by any standard, but I am attractive and fairly intelligent. I have always found value in feeling and looking sexy. I am educated and have a career. I am a good mother and a loyal and loving wife. I am adventurous between the sheets and crave being made to feel like a feminine, desired woman sexually. I do not believe in exerting control over anyone, least of all my man. He does what he wants to do. He buys what he wants if it is affordable. If he feels oppressed, it truly is a state of his own mind. I don't necessarily want to do everything he does, but I never expect him to give up his personal passions for my liking. What I have come to realize is that my husband takes me for granted and seems to enjoy the sympathy he gets from others, especially women, when he shares his woes in life. He is also very self-motivated sexually. I came upon your site while researching what a mid-forties man might like from me in bed. In my situation, his biggest turn on has little to do with me or my attempts to be sexy. In fact, he prefers for me to do all of the work with a hand job while he is tied up. He isn't all that interested in intercourse or anything with adventure involved. Frankly, he isn't all that hot about me. Anyone could fill my position, because loving me particularly is not what drives him. So... having shared all of this, I hope you see that at least one 40-something woman is out here craving a hot sex life with a 40-something man who is not controlled or demasculinized by his wife's nagging. He wants the fantasy, not the real deal.

  • Blackdragon 2015-07-06 18:28:17

    Interesting point of view. Slightly skewed toward stereotyping the 40-something married woman.
    True, but it's accurate.
    Before marriage, my husband was a self-proclaimed addict to thinking about/having sex.
    And you married him? AND expected him to be faithful? Not a good move on your part.
    I also learned he was, and had been for 2 years, having an on-line affair with a coworker
    And there we go. I'm so shocked.
    I do not believe in exerting control over anyone, least of all my man. He does what he wants to do.
    You allow him to fuck other women then?
    So… having shared all of this, I hope you see that at least one 40-something woman is out here craving a hot sex life with a 40-something man who is not controlled or demasculinized by his wife’s nagging.
    Then I suggest you get divorced immediately and get back to a happy life. If you're not overweight you'll do just fine on

  • Vince 2017-01-27 07:49:02

    Yes BD, if you want to maintain decent levels (ie of a 35 year old) of testosterone over 50 you will need test supplementation. Fact. I ran a clinic specializing in these issues, with four doctors working for me. It was called Transitions, in New Zealand, you can Google it. It is closed now.

  • Blackdragon 2017-01-27 12:13:39

    Yes BD, if you want to maintain decent levels (ie of a 35 year old) of testosterone over 50 you will need test supplementation. Fact.
    I know. That's why I'm on TRT.