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Women’s Three Buttons
You may have seen the above image before, and it's cute, but today I'm going to give you something a little more real-world accurate. This is a concept I have talked about before in passing, but I've never explained it fully. It's hugely critical in terms of dating women.
-By Caleb Jones
When you interact with a woman in a flirty, dating, or sexual context, you actually press down on one of these three buttons. You do this via your words, actions, demeanor, appearance, body language, tone of voice, kino, and all the other critical areas of dating and seduction we've discussed before.
If you press her No button, she is immediately turned off sexually, will not have sex with you and likely never will.
If you press her Sex button, she will be sexually attracted to you, and will have sex with you as soon as her ASD, age, and cultural/religious background allows. (Your level of seduction skill is also a factor.) The point is, when you press down hard on her Sex button, you're in, unless you really screw things up.
If you press her Make Him Wait button, she puts you in "This-Guy-Could-Mean-Something" mode. This means she likes you, is attracted to you, but because of ASD, false Societal Programming, and woman logic, she "doesn't want to screw things up" by having sex with you "too soon". She will then start to expect and/or demand you to take her out on many long dates before sex occurs. She wants to have sex with you, but she needs to Make You Wait. She Needs Time.
(Men in Friend Zone are simply men who were in Make You Wait zone for too long without sex.)
If you want to get to sex as fast as possible, you should do nothing that presses the No or Make Him Wait buttons. You want to be pressing that Sex button as often and as hard as you can.
Most guys understand the No button. Most guys understand, at least on some level, that you don't want to show up to a first date wearing a dirty T-shirt with holes in it with your belly hanging out.
It's the Make Him Wait button that constantly trips up guys. When you're on a first date (or first meet, or similar) with a woman, and you tell her how pretty she is, talk about how great it might be if you get married, bring her flowers and chocolates, buy her dinner at a nice restaurant, talk about how you "respect" women, and/or demonstrate that you make a lot of money and can take care of her financially, you might think you're pressing the Sex button, but what you're actually doing is mashing down hard, repeatedly, on her Make Him Wait button.
Instead of attracting her, you're firing up all of her provider-hunting desires. And she will behave accordingly.
If you don't mind waiting five or six dates before having sex with a woman, and/or want to immediately jump into a monogamous relationship with her as fast as humanly possible post-sex (which she will be expecting anyway, because you've paved the way for it with your monogamous EFA), then I guess go right ahead. Be a Nice Guy™ and have fun waiting a very, very long time to get laid.
My approach is to do everything possible to avoid that Make Him Wait button and press down hard on her Sex button. This would include things like not complimenting her appearance prior to sex, spending little or no money on her prior to sex, being extremely outcome independent, strong kino, demonstrating a strong sexual frame, and various other things I've discussed on this blog and in the ebooks. This is why I have sex usually within three hours from meet-to-lay, usually spread out over two meets.
There are three big challenges with women's Three Buttons:
1. Unless you're very schooled in game and/or seduction skills, you may not even be aware women have a Make Him Wait button. You'll think (incorrectly) that they only have a No button and a Sex button. There are huge swaths of the male population out there who honestly believe that if they pay for fancy dinners and trips and gifts and brag about their incomes, women will get wet and leap all over them. That's not how most women work.
You'll do all the Make Him Wait behaviors, thinking you're pressing down on her Sex button, and then be surprised when she gives you the big I'm A Lady I Don't Do That lecture when you try to take her shirt off.
2. Most women don't want you to know they have a Sex button. The older they are, the more this is generally true. Thanks to Societal Programming and slut shaming, women falsely believe that if you turn them on and they have sex with you fast, they have somehow lost something or disrespected themselves. Many of them will work very hard to present the false image that they only have the No and Make Him Wait buttons and that's it.
And it's working. There's a hilarious video right here that demonstrates how MSNBC host Chris Mathews, a very intelligent and well-informed man, had no idea that women text naked pics of themselves to men.
3. Most behaviors that press down on her Sex button are completely counter-intuitive. Though I personally do not follow the advice of "negs", I do admit they can often work, specifically with very hot women (9s and 10s), but a guy new to the seduction community is often confused and even angered that actually insulting a woman a little bit will raise the odds of her having sex with you quickly.
The same goes for when I tell men to not compliment a woman's appearance pre-sex or not ask "interview" questions on a first date or not to buy her nice gifts. As a man, you're often going to want to do things that will press her Make Him Wait button because both society and your gut will tell you to do it. Sadly, both society and your gut are wrong (assuming your goal is fast sex).
Matching Buttons With Behaviors
If you ever get confused about this, it's helpful to picture those three buttons on a woman's forehead, and every time you feel like doing or saying something, pause for a second and see if you can match the behavior to the button it presses.
Burp loudly? No button.
Repeatedly agree with everything she says? Make Him Wait button.
Stretch, act bored and look around the room? Sex button.
Bitch about your ex-wife for 20 minutes? No button.
Tell her you're looking to get married soon? Make Him Wait button.
Reach over and play with her necklace as you make a smartass remark? Sex button.
Act stupid? No button.
Act interested? Make Him Wait button.
Act relaxed? Sex button.
Tell her she has nice big tits? No button.
Tell her she has beautiful eyes? Make Him Wait button.
Tell her you have beautiful eyes? (With a smirk on your face.) Sex button.
The great news here is that usually you have complete power over which of the three buttons you press on her. Just make sure you press the right ones.
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BamaLaw 2013-08-01 06:20:37
Excellent post... I find that "Societal Programming" regarding "What Women Want" has a strong effect on how I interact with them... to my detriment. I will now be visualizing these three buttons in every interaction to combat that programming.
ARD 2013-08-01 06:29:22
Your advice on visualizing the button you are pressing is solid gold. Another excellent article. Thanks BD!!!
DAP 2013-08-01 09:07:24
Great post. This is why I like BD's information the most out of all the other seduction teachers out there. No "Game" techniques to memorize. Just simply be a Man. (In the classical sense like Don Drapper or Ike Evans in Magic City.)
lazy guy 2013-08-01 15:33:50
Great info, so well told. Thanks!
Dennis 2013-08-01 18:21:54
Excellent advice. I never ever tell a woman she's pretty, sexy etc until after ive fucked them. I'll have to try telling the woman I have beautiful eyes with a smirk on my face ! Leaning back and left eye contact is also a sex button
Parade 2013-08-01 21:28:18
I never compliment a chick on her appearance, whether I've had sex with her or not. I find it completely pointless. I figure she knows that I find her sexy/whatever if I'm still around and still fucking her. I've had a couple girls give me a little shit about it, but it doesn't really seem to matter.
Lee 2013-08-03 06:52:24
I agree. and its usually the smarter and more clued up girls who respond to me better when I press the "yes" buttons. I notice that BD has some material about dating younger women. perhaps he could make a blog on WHERE they are? I cant find them. lol.
R1J2 2013-08-03 10:59:17
I know looking around bored helps, but I don't entirely understand how. I mean, doesn't it work better if you've already got value built up, vs when you're just starting out and have little value? I'm still in the beginning stages and putting the concepts together.
Blackdragon 2013-08-03 13:04:11
I notice that BD has some material about dating younger women. perhaps he could make a blog on WHERE they are? I cant find them. lol.Malls and online.
I know looking around bored helps, but I don’t entirely understand how.It's not necessarily that it helps (although it does). It's that it doesn't hurt. If you're not assuming a very relaxed, almost bored demeanor, that means you're likely acting interested (Make Him Wait), hyper (No), or too overtly horny (No).
Randian Hero 2013-08-03 17:28:12
R1J2 wrote: "I mean, doesn’t it work better if you’ve already got value built up, vs when you’re just starting out and have little value?" This is the wrong mindset. Believing that you are by default of low value and have to prove yourself is exactly what makes all AFCs repel women. The beginning is exactly where it could be great to appear bored. Then she will be the one trying to prove herself, trying not to be boring or whatever.
Technica 2013-08-04 02:40:31
Awesome post. Great visualization.
Lee 2013-08-09 09:53:31
An older man can press a younger woman's yes buttons in "malls" and "online" and NOT be run out of town???
Blackdragon 2013-08-09 15:05:56
Pressing the buttons is done on a date, and meeting girl at a mall is not a date. If you're asking these kinds of questions you need to buy my ebooks, specifically volumes 2 and 5.
Smooth 2014-03-21 11:24:19
The sex button concept is gold. It's a powerful general concept. Can you please provide more examples of how you pushed the sex button in common situations? For example, how do you push the sex button when she asks you: "So what are you looking for?" (A friend, girlfriend, casual) "So, what do you do for work?" or "Oh my God, you live at home with your Mom?" "You're here alone? Where are all your friends?" Thanks, BD!
Scorpion 2015-11-11 02:26:33
Excelent post. I have dated a 23' girl three times, and the third, we went to cinema and then we went to mi place to eat pizza and whatch a movie (in my bed). We are to hot this day and kino was amazing. She told me a few days before that we aren't going to have sex until we know better. I couldn't pass her ASD and RUM this night. She got a little angry when I tried. Crearly I press de Make Him Wait Button. Three days later, I suspect she Softnext to me... Because of that fact, ¿can she may have away from me? What can I do? Wait a few days and do some no-sex date until she wants sex to me? should I keep trying to have sex whith her? Thanks.
Felix 2016-02-08 03:30:41
I think the problem is that societal programming is so pervasive and most of us grew up in with beta male fathers. So most guys think that their behavior pushes the Sex button when it actually pushes the Make Him Wait button. If you listen to AFCs talking to girls this is exactly what happens. They're clearly trying to get into her panties so they are trying to push her Sex button but keeps hitting the Make Him Wait button or worse, they get so desperate that they will try anything and that includes saying things that pushes the No button. Which is hilarious once you understand what's going on. It seems that the only button they don't manage to push is the Sex button. All the things that males are programmed to do hits only those two buttons. Societal Programming has recessed the Sex button.
joelsuf 2016-03-29 12:14:50
When you’re on a first date (or first meet, or similar) with a woman, and you tell her how pretty she is, talk about how great it might be if you get married, bring her flowers and chocolates, buy her dinner at a nice restaurant, talk about how you “respect” women, and/or demonstrate that you make a lot of money and can take care of her financially, you might think you’re pressing the Sex button, but what you’re actually doing is mashing down hard, repeatedly, on her Make Him Wait button.I'd argue that those are "no" button behaviors to the point of taping it down. Any time you place a chick on a pedestal you have pretty much demonstrated that you want her to replace your mommy and she will want nothing to do with you, not even as a friend. This is what I've experienced. I've always interpreted the "Make him wait" button as the "no" button, but that's just me. And for me as long as you aren't being try hard, are on her level with appearance, and are able to physically flirt without being rapey about it, you are pressing the "sex" button. Its just a matter of time before she lets you hit it (like you said, within two meetups or three hours).
Mike 2016-05-08 13:15:05
BD, what's your view on the following situation: I was in a club with some random people from a meetup. One of the girls was dancing close to me. When I changed my position, she'd follow eventually. She was definitely attracted. While I was leaning relaxed against the wall, other girls were coming closer and dancing in front of m. She came closer as well, shaking her ass 10 inch in front of me. While I was taking a piss she had left with her (girl)friend though. The next group meeting is in a couple of months. So I thought about leaving her a message via meetup to get to a date. I wanna push the sex button Which quick message would do the job? Cheers
Blackdragon 2016-05-08 22:20:32
I wanna push the sex button Which quick message would do the job?1. I don't like answering "there this one girl..." questions. 2. The sex button isn't pressed via texts. It's only pressed in real life. Just hit her up and pitch a meet, then once she's in front of you in real life focus on the sex button.
Mike 2016-05-08 23:07:36
Thanks BD. As we haven't spoken, texting her on meetup is the only means of contact. Sounds like a cold approach via text. How'd you approach it? "Hi. You were gone quite fast the other day. Wanna meet for coffee sometime?"
Blackdragon 2016-05-08 23:16:24
Okay but "How do I meet up with a girl after meeting her at a club?" is a very different question than "How do I press her sex button?" If you want to meet up with her, send her a text with something funny and end it with a question about something you both did or talked about at the club. Have 2-3 exchanges than just pitch a meet. Very simple, don't overthink it.
Erik Williams 2016-07-28 08:47:40
This is a classic youtube video, if you haven't seen it he lays out exactly the three buttons women have in BD's article in a funny way: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UjBuicfuJ8I Game is the art of moving yourself up from the "no go" zone to the "cute" zone. Pressing the "make him wait" button are things that push you to the right towards the provider zone.
RC 2016-08-29 00:31:25
Regarding women that I have already met, is there a way to clear the button you have pushed in the past with them? These women I have met at the workplace and outside.
Blackdragon 2016-08-29 12:58:31
Regarding women that I have already met, is there a way to clear the button you have pushed in the past with them? These women I have met at the workplace and outside.Not really. One you're in friend zone you're probably going to be there forever (barring very rare exceptions to the rule). Go after new women.
AC 2016-11-27 19:58:04
This article was pure gold. I was just in the make him wait corner till last Friday. I had a feeling, and so I just walked away from the whole thing. This is helpful for next time.
Ed 2017-02-14 21:41:58
There is a woman at my job, who does not work in the same department as me, so we never have to work together for any matter. We have each other's contact information and she agreed to see me soon in the future. However, it now appears that another guy who also works at the same place (haha!) is getting in good with her because I've seen pictures of them together, including on valentine's day (the beta behavior makes me believe that I can still pull her from him, but maybe she could be in NRE, making that behavior excusable for the moment anyway). I don't speak with this guy. Let's say she really does have an attraction for him. Should I still try and pitch a first meet with her soon and make any moves, or just let it go by trying nothing and putting her on the slow track list right away? I already think I should give it a shot and if she rejects, put her on the list. But it would be nice to gain insight as well. As far as I could see right now, they don't appear to be in a relationship yet, but are on their way.
Blackdragon 2017-02-15 09:17:22
Should I still try and pitch a first meet with herhttps://blackdragonblog.com/2016/09/15/theres-one-girl/