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Benefits of Dating an Older Woman(?)
It appears I'm going to have to create a new phrase. It's something I see a lot of, yet there is no word/phrase to describe it. I'm going to call it "gender myopia". I think someone published a book by that title a few years ago, but I don't care. I'm re-inventing the phrase.
-By Caleb Jones
When men email pictures of their genitalia to women thinking "Oh yeah, that'll turn her on," that's gender myopia. When women brag on their online profiles about how "sassy" they are and their college degrees, that's also gender myopia. In both cases, they're doing what would turn them on, rather than the opposite gender, and are thusly turning off the other gender rather than attracting them.
In the modern era, as both genders are starting to blend into one amorphous mass, gender myopia is very common, and will likely become more so. It's actually a very entertaining problem to observe, and I have to admit it has provided me with much entertainment over the years.
However, sometimes gender myopia is so extreme it's not funny at all. I recently came across this article posted on some kind of dating advice site. Its gender myopia is stunning in its depth. It really was amazing to read. The woman writing the article is so wound up in what she wants, with what women like her think is attractive in women, she has completely lost touch with what men think is attractive in women (some extreme betas she uses as examples notwithstanding).
She lists seven reasons why men should date older women instead of those stupid, slutty, classless younger women.
Let's do this...
She’s got her own life. And by that I mean: her own career, her own friends, her own apartment, her own money.
Hey, that actually is a good thing. But just three sentences later she says:
Should you automatically go dutch or expect her to pay? No. In fact, you want to impress someone, treat a lady with some bank to a nice meal, because she appreciates exactly how much it costs.
Read that again.
Now read it again.
It's a copy-and-paste, dude. She actually wrote that, word-for-word. Go look at the article if you don't believe me.
She just said that because she has money, you should by her a nice dinner and should not expect her to kick in for the cost.
This is woman logic, gentlemen. It's hard to get worse than that. And she's not alone. I've mentioned before that some of the biggest gold diggers I've ever encountered were women who made high incomes, as in $80,000 a year or more.
By the way...a simple question: Would you rather date a woman with no money who expects you to pay for the entire cost of an expensive date, or a woman who makes decent money who expects the same?
Of course the best woman is one who doesn't want you to pay for the date at all because she's truly independent, but if you had to pick between one of the two above women, which of them would probably make a better long-term girlfriend? Likely be less bitchy? Less demanding?
Dark is the road we tread, my brothers. Nevertheless, we must continue... She can hold her own. This ain’t her first rodeo. So when you take her out with your friends or coworkers, be it to a wedding or work event, you don’t have to worry she’ll perish without your constant attention. She’s been to enough of these things on her own to manage just fine while you’re talking to someone else. And, unlike the 23-year-old who gets tanked and throws shade at your ex, she’s got class.
Yes, everyone knows that older women never get bitchy-jealous about exes. Never ever. It's just those stupid younger women who do. Any man who's had a serious relationship with a woman over the age of 30 can attest to the accuracy of that one. She knows what she wants—and doesn’t want. And at this point, she’s not afraid to say it. In the bedroom? Go ahead and try to shock her. Bondage? Bisexual encounters? Threeways? Role play? If she hasn’t tried it herself, she’s likely considered it. Yeah. Try to get your 38 year-old wife or girlfriend into a threesome with you and another woman. Let me know how that goes. Then once you break up with her and get a 24 year-old girlfriend, try to get her into a threesome. Then be shocked at how easy it was to get her to go along with it and enjoy it versus the ASD-ridden 38 year old.
Since she’s got a little life on her (and maybe even a marriage in her past), she may not have the rigid checklist that a younger girl has.
She doesn’t move in a herd. I once went out with a young man from Queens who only dated older women because younger ladies, he found, couldn’t do a thing without checking in with 15 of their friends. When you date a younger woman, he said, you also date all her friends, and it’s “a pain in the fucking ass.” You can’t just go out and do your own thing because she must receive approval from a larger governing body. A slightly more mature lady has friends—but she sure as shit doesn’t need their permission to live her life.
That's true, the older woman usually doesn't check in with her friends like that. Instead, the older woman is dominated by A) years of negative experiences with men that color her view of them, and B) years of society telling her that she's a "lady" and that she deserves a man to kiss her ass and serve her, or else he's not a "gentleman", which is the over-33-woman term for beta.
She had sex before she had a FB profile. Hard as it may be to imagine a world before Facebook, the fact is, there was one—and I, along with many of my lady cohorts, lived in it.
This is a benefit to a man...how?
Her answer is, because of her gender myopia, for some reason living before Facebook is a badge of honor for her. Therefore it should be for you.
She doesn’t need you; she wants you. If she’s gotten this far on her own, regardless of whatever relationships are behind her, she’s been through enough ups and downs to know she can handle just about anything.
And that is the reason she has such a negative view of men as compared to a woman 10-15 years younger than her. And she knows she won’t fall into a million pieces if she doesn’t have a boyfriend. That's right, so much so that unlike a younger woman, she'll actually spend huge spans of her life going without sex if she can't find a "proper" provider. And whereas younger women are putting you through the paces to see if you can provide her with a life, an identity, and a future, an older woman already knows who she is and what she wants to do—she’d just love someone to share it with.
Younger women put men through these "paces" but older women don't?
Has this woman ever been on a first date with a woman over 33?
Did she forget that just 20 seconds ago she told men to buy older women expensive dinners?
Okay, do the experiment again: Date ten women over 33 and ten women under 27. Then come back and tell me which age group demanded that you:
pay for more stuff
contact them more often
make more relationship promises
Men who have already done this (like me) already know the answer.
Okay, we finally come to the last one. She saved the best for last.
Steel yourself. Here it comes:
She can make you a better man. A friend of mine dated a 40-year-old woman when he was 22 and new to New York. “She picked the restaurants, paid for things, took me places. She had access to a world I didn’t, and she had done all the things I hadn’t done yet,” he said. Now he’s in his mid 40s, and married with a kid, and remembers that relationship as critical to making him the man he is now. “As a dude, I’m told that I’m supposed to date girls my own age and take care of them, pay for dinner, and so on. But for that period of time, the roles were reversed. She had the power. And it felt great—who doesn’t want to be taken care of? That’s when I understood what it was to be in that role, to be someone’s bitch, essentially. And I could appreciate it when it was my turn to take care of someone else.” I leave you that without comment...it speaks for itself, as well as providing insight into the type of man an older woman really wants...
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Lee 2013-09-12 05:03:37
I once dated an older woman. she had money,a car and her own place. she was also fucking nuts.
Jon 2013-09-12 06:59:43
I'm not surprised that site features articles giving bad advice. I hate the whole "How About We..." concept. I've never been a member, but from what I understand you post a date idea and then if someone thinks it sounds fun, they sign up to go with you. Maybe I shouldn't say I hate the "whole" concept, because the emphasis on meeting in the real world as quickly as possible is pretty cool, but it seems like it would cater to women who just want to be entertained (for free since the author emphasizes the importance of the man paying). I also don't see your most effective first date strategy working very well on that site: "How about we...meet for drinks (1 hour max)." When other guys are offering to rent pickup trucks for drive in movies, or go on ferris wheel rides, etc. Seriously, some of the date ideas here ) are so bad they make me want bang my head against a wall.
lazy guy 2013-09-12 07:20:28
Gender myopia, or 'gender bias projection', is a funny, interesting topic. The desperate self-delusions you expose in today's post are entertaining, but also it's a bit sad sometimes to see someone (in this case, these women you wrote about) handicapping their own chances at happiness (with some misplaced anger reinforcing the delusions). Apparently it can be very difficult for both genders to see reality accurately, because we are all bombarded with so much false brainwashing about what's true, what's good, what's bad, etc. I've struggled with it for years. That difficulty -- and the rewards for getting a clear, accurate view -- is why blogs like this give lots of value to us readers. I just wish I had access to this info many years ago when I was younger. Better late than never!
BA 2013-09-12 07:49:26
On the checklist, the woman I had a first date with last night had a 13 point list on her profile. It was numbered. She responded to my opener and we starting emailing. BTW, I'm late 40's, she's early 40's. I mentioned I was good on all points with a couple of gray areas. I had picked one that I said I was weak on because I figured she wouldn't believe me if I said I was perfect. It was also one I knew I could easily overcome. She responded strongly to my 'weakness' and I turned into a strength. Just like a job interview question. The other problem with the 'strong & independent' older women is that they always want to be in charge. And always try to change the plan. After she accepted my date request (using the BD method verbatim) and we made plans, she shifted days, activity (twice) and time. I'm flexible so gave her credit for the idea, then agreed to it as if it were solely my decision. The date went well. Greeted her with a big hug, like I'd known her forever. The activity was a dance lesson, so she got to see me be social & dance with a bunch of pretty women. I danced with her only a little cause she's amazingly self-conscious & we moved to the bar. Chatted about fluff, relationships & some sexy talk. Got lots of touching in too (hands, arm, shoulders & hair). Walked her back to her car & gave her a big hug, while she was expecting a kiss. The thing I don't really understand is why they resist so much. I can see how lonely & horny they are in their eyes, in the way they interact with me, and the way they move. They are desperately wanting a man but getting past their ASD is grueling. And it's not like they are high school virgins with a hymen & reputation to protect. I don't get it.
Sparks 2013-09-12 07:51:07
The hamster is strong with this one, they seem to get stronger with age.
maldek 2013-09-12 07:57:02
Great atricle BD! A few comments regarding LTR (marriage) material I would advice to consider. Reflecting my experience, not just what i think might work. 1) "She’s got her own life. And by that I mean: her own career, her own friends, her own apartment, her own money." -> From a "wife" material view, this sux. I dont want her to have a career - my wife is supposed to support MINE and take care of the house and the kids. Why else would i marry her, as opposed to just fuck her and be good with it? Same goes for apartment and a well paid job. Good for FB, good for MLTR but very bad for the mother of your kids. Kids come first, than you. No room for a career. 2) "not have the rigid checklist that a younger girl has." This I understand as "will settle for Mr. beta easier". Thats kinda true. Good if you are a beta-dude, otherwise it sux. 3) "She doesn’t need you; she wants you" Thats again a bad thing. If you happen to be an outcome dependent alpha, with a temper who does bossing around for a living (like I do), it certainly helps a lot if your wife understands that without you, she will loose more than just you alone. 4) "She can make you a better man." Ok BD, you were right. Thats *BY FAR* the worst. Run forest, run.
laidnyc 2013-09-12 09:08:25
Great post. I always use the term "projection" but its general, and you're right, a more specific term may be required. Gender Myopia is good.
Blackdragon 2013-09-12 10:53:48
I also don’t see your most effective first date strategy working very well on that site: “How about we…meet for drinks (1 hour max).” When other guys are offering to rent pickup trucks for drive in movies, or go on ferris wheel rides, etc. Seriously, some of the date ideas here ) are so bad they make me want bang my head against a wall.Because they cater to women, not men. Exactly.
it’s a bit sad sometimes to see someone (in this case, these women you wrote about) handicapping their own chances at happinessBecause happiness isn't what they want. Rather, they want adherence to their ruleset, even if such brings them UNhappiness. Personal happiness is no longer their priority. To wit...
The thing I don’t really understand is why they resist so much. I can see how lonely & horny they are in their eyes, in the way they interact with me, and the way they move. They are desperately wanting a man but getting past their ASD is grueling. And it’s not like they are high school virgins with a hymen & reputation to protect. I don’t get it.Adherence to their dating-ruleset. It's more important to them than happiness, satisfaction, or fulfillment. And yes, one of the most maddening experiences is to be out with an over-33 woman who STRONGLY WANTS to have sex with you, but won't.
aneroidocean 2013-09-12 11:09:21
I was sitting on the sand after talking to a genuinely mature, cool older woman. We talked about women and men, we talked about experiences, we talked about volleyball and finances. It was really, really nice. She's also in her late 40s? Mabe 50? I'd played a couple great games of volleyball with her and trounced two 15 year old girls (who were no slouches) just beforehand. Some women get it. It often takes them until they're that old to fully realize it, but THAT's an older woman that I'd want to have a conversation with over dinner or discuss politics or something significant with. She talked about setting me up with a girl she knows (younger than me) and then she realized that the girl might be too much of a prude for me. She agrees with me that physicality is a huge part that must be sorted out before any kind of commitment. She wouldn't even begin to try to set me up with a girl older than me or who exhibited the huge entitlement issues described above. THAT's an older woman that I would spend time with and then date the much younger ones. There is something beneficial about some older women, but it has nothing to do with dating them.
Blackdragon 2013-09-12 11:55:49
Some women get it. It often takes them until they’re that old to fully realize it...She’s also in her late 40s? Mabe 50?That's why she got it. She was 50. As I said here, once women reach age 50 or so, then they finally start to get it. Such a pity it takes them that long.
It-Began-In-Africa 2013-09-13 02:40:11
Gender myopia. Very apt, BD. Something is happening today. Older women are so tuned to their own vibration, that we must all welcome the newest same sex 'marriages'. Let the older women marry each other. Dont date them, don't sleep with them, don't pay anything for them, but of course open the doors so they pass easily on their way out to the wild. In the meantime, young women will always rise to the new music of laughter, song and dance with men. Men, so long as you stay young at heart and keep a fit body, you will carry the seed of life until you die, because you don't wither like a dried prune. Let love save the day.
Oxyjinn 2013-09-13 12:55:04
I wonder if she really believes this shit or is just a good manipulator. Like I do pretty often with women actually.
Blackdragon 2013-09-14 00:18:10
I wonder if she really believes this shit or is just a good manipulator.A certain percentage of this stuff is indeed manipulation...for attention, free stuff, and obedience. The rest is genuine belief..."I'm awesome and deserve everything because I'm old had have sex with less men now, and therefore demand men dating me treat me in ways I would never treat them if the roles were reversed." I'd say it's about 40%/60%.
C170driver 2014-04-11 14:29:45
I am not interested in having anymore children, at 49. Women my age are typically infertile, had a hysterectomy, or??? I have previously been pretty careful about unwanted consequences, but must admit, that since I have gotten older, and dating women close to my age, that I really, really enjoy nutting deep in women, bareback, not pulling out or putting it somewhere else. Ahhhhhhh..... Nothing satisfies so much! Caveat- I am probably not being careful enough about STD's
Mikeu say in your book 2015-01-10 18:45:32
BD - You say in your book that the premise for avoiding women over 33 has to do with "she now believes she is running out of time...any non-serious sexual stuff with a man is wasting her limited time availble to have children and find a husband." Do you find this also applies to women over 33 who already have kids and have had one - or more - marriages ?
Blackdragon 2015-01-11 09:47:07
You say in your book that the premise for avoiding women over 33 has to do with “she now believes she is running out of time…any non-serious sexual stuff with a man is wasting her limited time availble to have children and find a husband.” Do you find this also applies to women over 33 who already have kids and have had one – or more – marriages ?Yes. I have found absolutely no difference between over-33s who have been married / had kids and those who have never done those things. What do most over-33 divorced women with kids want to do? Get married again. This is especially true of those on online dating sites and those you meet via daygame (night game is different). Also (as I also mentioned in the book) there are other reasons for over-33 ASD that have nothing to do with provider hunter status.
karen 2015-12-08 09:30:58
You're accepting one woman's opinion to determine the opinion of all women in a relationship with a younger man? Bullshit. I'm 63 (told often I look much younger), dating a 47 year old man. I argued with him before we went out that I'm too old for him. He persisted. He told me he would pay for everything, because he can afford to. I told him we would both be paying during this process. Hands down, he is more mature than any of my ex's plus I'm not struggling with ASD . . . I want to get laid, frequently. I'm open to a 3-way and have been for some time (previous relationship ended before that could happen due to the guy's ED issues). We have many things in common and I'm delighted we're together. Time will tell if we last. Thanks, Karen
Blackdragon 2015-12-08 10:01:25
Correct, you're well over age 50 so you're going to have lower ASD than women in their 30s or 40s. Read this for more info.