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Fun With Theory: Blackdragonette Revisited
A while back I made a Fun With Theory post that disturbed many of you. It was a purely hypothetical story about what would happen if there were a female version of Blackdragon (Blackdragonette) who moved through life with the same level of hyper-rationality, but as a woman with female desires, goals, and feelings rather than Alpha masculine ones.
-By Caleb Jones
Well...yes. To a degree some of those things are accurate. (And to some degree some of you were wrong.) The problem with the woman I described is that she was...a woman. As a female with a female brain:
Her sense of honor would not be as ingrained as a man.
She would be more fickle and quick to change her mind than a man.
Because of current cultural realities, her sense of entitlement would be at least somewhat higher than a man's.
She would be more emotional than a man.
Her choices in life would be done for less rational reasons than a man, even if she was highly intelligent. (Though not by much, since obviously men can be extremely irrational too.)
She would be more protective of her children than a man, and often consider their welfare over hers (whether correctly or incorrectly).
She would be more sensitive to how other people viewed her life choices than a man.
That post was my attempt to place the structure of Blackdragon into a female brain. It was not to place a male brain into a female body.
Judging from your reactions, many of you wanted to hear about the latter, when I had demonstrated the former.
The problem with demonstrating how a woman would behave under a Blackdragon model with a male brain is that it would be even less realistic. What I described in that post really is possible in the real world, and many women actually do some of the things I discussed. Whereas I doubt very much that a "masculine" version of Blackdragonette would be possible in any universe, simply because women are not like men. They have different needs, different desires, different physiologies, and even different brain structures.
(This is a good thing, because if women were just like us we would not be attracted to them, and the human race would die out while all the men in the world spent their time masturbating.)
Regardless of all of that, since I am your (not so) humble servant, today I will attempt to describe this magical fantasy masculine woman anyway. I will lay out how a hot, blonde, young woman with a mostly male brain and Blackdragon-like outlook would live her life. Consider her Blackdragonette's more honest and honorable sister. I'll call her BeeDee. She'll share some similarities with her sister, but also some big differences.
Again I will state that most of what I'm about to say is likely impossible. There are plenty of women who will want, and could accomplish what Blackdragonette would do. However I doubt you'll ever find a woman like BeeDee even if you went on 500 first dates.
With that disclaimer in mind, let's do this...
The Life of BeeDee -
Let's start out with me, BeeDee, at around age 18 or so. Like my sister Blackdragonette, I would consider my physical appearance to be a top priority. I would understand that the prettier I was as a woman, the easier the rest of my life would be, and the higher quality men I could date or marry.
Therefore, I would make sure to watch my diet constantly and I would exercise regularly. I would keep my hair reasonably long and reasonably blonde. If I was genetically stuck with small boobs (A or B cup), I would do my best to save or borrow the money to get fake boobs and get those puppies up to at least up to a C cup. This would be done by my mid-twenties at the very latest.
However, my looks would not be quite the obsession it would be with Blackdragonette. I will have noticed by age 20 that even if my stomach was not 100% washboard, men would still be throwing themselves at me constantly as long as I was reasonably blonde, cute, and trim. Blackdragonette would be spending hours in the gym, salons, and tanning beds...I would not. I would consider that level of activity to be a matter of diminishing returns. Blackdragonette wants (needs!) to be a 10. I just need to be an 8.5 or so...but I need to maintain that forever.
BeeDee would be hot, but not very girly. While Blackdragonette would be walking around in skirts and frilly tops, I'd be wearing a lot of jeans and normal shirts. Occasionally I would dress up but it would not be my norm. That being said, I would make sure that my jeans showed off my ass in the very best way and that my cleavage showed often. I would likely be into stuff more nerdy girls are into, like Dr. Who and Joss Whedon more than Barbies or Vampire Diaries.
Guys would be all over me, exactly according to plan. When they offered to pay for drinks and dates and gifts, I would happily accept. I love free money, and if men want to give it to me, I'm there! However I would not be a gold digger and demand that men be "gentlemen" and spend money on me, even as I aged into my twenties and thirties. I would know that the more a man spent on me, the more control he would have over me and the more he would think (correctly or incorrectly) that he "owned" me.
That would be completely unacceptable. BeeDee is 100% her own woman, always, and no man will ever own or control me. Ever! So I would happily accept money/gifts/support from men, but never demand it.
BeeDee would not want any children, ever. I would be fastidious about birth control. As soon as I thought I could get away with it, I would run down to the doctors office and get either a Mirena IUD or Nexplannon implant. They would give me shit about how I hadn't had any kids yet, but I would push the issue as hard as I possibly could. I would also try as hard as I could to get a tubal ligation as quickly as a doctor would allow it...likely in my early thirties if I pushed the issue hard enough.
I would have a full supply of morning-after pills in my bathroom ready to go, and as a very sexually active girl, I would be giving myself pregnancy tests every month whether I felt I needed them or not. I'd always have a secret stash of $500 in cash on hot standby that I could grab if I ever got pregnant, so I could haul ass down to the clinic and get an abortion ASAP. No kids for BeeDee! Ever! Having kids I'd have to take care of 24/7 for 18 years would completely fuck up my life, my long term happiness, and my freedom. Not gonna happen. Ever.
Needless to say, just like Blackdragonette and the real-life Blackdragon, condoms would be used when I had sex (unless it was with an OLTR or similar) and I would be getting full STD screenings at least 2-3 times a year whether I felt I needed them or not.
I would always be dating and/or fucking at least two men, possibly as many as four men at a time. I would never, ever promise any man monogamy, ever. Like most women who attempt open relationships, this would make all the beta males cry and whine and plead, and make the Needy Alphas get very angry and yell at me.
This means I'd often be nexting Needy Alphas very very fast, since I don't do drama. My men would be the coolest beta males I could find, plus an Alpha 2.0 whenever I could find one (which would be rare).
As a woman, I would likely never have more than one MLTR at a time. It would be one man I really like, plus a few FBs on the side. I would tend to gravitate towards older men (men over 30) because I'd be able to really talk to them and relate to them, but I'd still fuck hordes of hot young needy beta male guys. I'd keep the ones that didn't whine and complain too much about my nonmonogamy, and next and replace the rest.
Men would constantly be falling in love with me and getting oneitis for me left and right, and I would get very good at managing this, doing a lot of reading, research, and real-life experimentation until I found a system that worked. This would be a combination of a rock-solid EFA, screening (yes, as a woman I'd have to screen), and frequent nexting.
By age 25-26 or so, I'd have my 38 year-old boyfriend (really an OLTR) and one or two young guys on the side as FBs. Hopefully my OLTR would be an Alpha 2.0, since those are the only men out there who wouldn't give me shit about fucking other dudes. Just like the real-life Blackdragon, if I was really in love, I would compromise on some of the details of the open relationship (ground rules) if necessary, but I would not promise absolute monogamy, and I would sadly next my OLTR if he ever changed his mind and demanded it of me.
Same goes for having kids. If my OLTR ever demanded I have kids, next! (Yet another reason older men would be better for me, since most of them already have kids and don't need any more.)
Would BeeDee ever get married? Sure. She's a woman. As a matter of fact, that's likely to happen by the time she was 35.
It would be an open marriage of course; I could go play around on the side and so could my Alpha 2.0 husband. Unlike Blackdragonette, I would not be opposed to a prenup, but I would know that if my future husband was an Alpha 2.0 he would demand one.
If that were the case, I would agree to the prenup but if he had some real money, I would ask for some if we became divorced reasonably soon, and I would work out the best deal for myself as I could. Or, I would marry as cool a beta as I could find; then there would be no prenup at all. Score!
Again, I would certainly take free money from men with a smile on my face, and I would put myself in situations where this kind of arrangement would be encouraged, but unlike Blackdragonette I would not demand it or plan on it.
Throughout the marriage, I would maintain a very trim, fit, and beautiful body, even as I aged into my thirties, forties, and early fifties. It would be a constant priority for me, since I'll never be monogamous and will have to attract men for the rest of my life, married or not. I would never get past a size 4 or 5 at the very most.
Would BeeDee ever get divorced? Of course she would. The odds are overwhelming this would happen and she'd be well aware of this during the entire wedding, engagement, and marriage. At no point would she ever bullshit herself with Disney about this marriage lasting "the rest of her life". No....she knows herself, men, and human nature too well. Regardless of how much I loved my husband/OLTR/whatever, beta or Alpha, I would know that the relationship/marriage would be temporary.
With or without a prenup, the divorce would be amicable, especially considering there would be no children involved (remember...no kids for BeeDee ever!). I'd take whatever money I could easily get from the divorce without a big legal battle, keep fucking my FBs on the side, and move on.
Like her sister Blackdragonette, BeeDee's priorities would be physical appearance first, personal income second.
That means that once my physical appearance was solidified (blonde, hot, trim, young-looking, and big boobs), I would put all of that on maintenance mode and shift into earning an income and ensuring my financial future. Putting the time necessary into earning money would be very easy because I wouldn't ever have any kids.
While all the other women with kids out there would be unable to work long hours, or worse, work at some bullshit job while paying for daycare and talking to their kids off-and-on all day on the phone, I could completely focus and get the financial part of my life squared away nicely.
Like Blackdragonette, I would know that much of my income and future investments would be taken care of by boyfriends and husbands (both past, current, and future). This would be nice. Because of this, like most hot chicks, I would not have to work nearly as hard to secure a stable lifestyle as a man or ugly woman would.
However, unlike Blackdragonette, I would not 100% rely on this. Even if I had a few rich husbands or boyfriends, I know that men can be idiots and fuck up their finances just as badly as women can. So I would build up some very marketable skills and really understand long term, safe investing. I would always have my own money that would be untouched by any man, even if I got married (and divorced!).
By the time my sexual market value really started to nosedive somewhere around my forties, I'd have a nice pile of cash saved up to cover my expenses, and I'd have one or two very marketable skills I could use to work part-time to cover any shortfalls. Hopefully most of this work could be done online so my income would be location independent...as a woman I'm sure I'd love to go spend time in perceived-romantic places like Venice or Paris.
Since I'd be without kids, I'd be traveling a lot, shopping a lot, having a lot of sex, and working when necessary. In many ways, I'd actually have more freedom than my sister Blackdragonette, who had to crank out two kids just to deal with her stupid biological clock. With a masculine brain, I thankfully wouldn't need to worry about this. When added to my nonmonogamous relationships and financial stability, this would make me one of the freest, happiest women on planet Earth. That's about it. This fantasy woman doesn't exist, but it's what you asked for, and it's fun to think about.
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mscurveball 2013-09-19 07:58:48
Strangely, I actually find BeeDee much more realistic than the Blackdragonette.
Alejandro 2013-09-19 10:42:01
Seriously? She is completely unrealistic. She is just blackdragon with a vagina. How many women have you seen who absolutely demand non-monogamy, and wont get monogamous with some guy she falls in love with? How many women are that prefer freedom over having children? Also, it seems the chances of BeeDee being long term happy are even lower than Blackdragonette's. What makes you sure that after hitting 50 or so she wont be regretting having spend all her life shopping and traveling instead of building a family. And what about the biological clock screaming at her to have children? How would she control that? You said it yourself blackdragon, going against our viology is extremely difficult. And the desire of a woman to reproduce is one of the strongest biological impreatives there is, probably the strongest one after survival.
Blackdragon 2013-09-19 14:49:03
the desire of a woman to reproduce is one of the strongest biological impreatives there is, probably the strongest one after survival.Correct. A lot of younger women say they "never want kids"...it's considered "cool"...but just wait until they hit their 30s. You don't know a woman "doesn't have kids" until that woman has reached age 45 and never had kids. How many 40-something women out there have never had children? (Women unable to have kids for medical reasons don't count.) I think I've met two in my entire life.
Johnny Caustic 2013-09-19 15:41:41
Does this Blackdragon-brain-in-a-woman's-body have relatively masculine sexual desires, wanting smooth-talking pretty boys, or relatively feminine sexual desires, wanting dominant, outcome-independent men? If the former, carry on. If the latter, I wonder whether "frequent nexting" is a good strategy. If BeeDee succeeds in betafying every man she dates, won't that ultimately hurt her long-term happiness? It seems to me that a woman with feminine sexual desires has to learn to submit (upon finding a good-enough man). Unless she's a stone cold 10, a woman who strives to get hand in every relationship and won't settle until she finds the man who can totally outdominate her is likely to wind up very lonely.
TheMaskAndRose 2013-09-20 03:15:41
I would take BeeDee over her sister 99 times out of 100. Girly girls get annoying quickly and you can't talk to them about anything interesting, unless you consider celebrity gossip and horoscopes to be high-brow conversation.
Blackdragon 2013-09-20 10:25:31
Does this Blackdragon-brain-in-a-woman’s-body have relatively masculine sexual desires, wanting smooth-talking pretty boys, or relatively feminine sexual desires, wanting dominant, outcome-independent men?In that respect, I think she would be a girl, wanting more masculine men.
If the latter, I wonder whether “frequent nexting” is a good strategy. If BeeDee succeeds in betafying every man she dates, won’t that ultimately hurt her long-term happiness?Ah, but nexting is not betaization. Betaization is about issuing demands ("You need to be home for dinner by 6pm from now on") and veiled threats ("I only date gentlemen who know how to treat a lady, so if you can't be a gentleman..."). It's not about temporarily leaving with zero verbalization (which is what a soft next is).
Raven 2013-09-21 11:07:19
"(This is a good thing, because if women were just like us we would not be attracted to them, and the human race would die out while all the men in the world spent their time masturbating.)" This is a very unintelligible, emotionally-driven comment. In fact, it's very similar, in theme, to the ones made by feminist groups, etc.: comments that just aren't rational. Why is it bad for us people to "die out" and no longer exist? We clearly don't serve a purpose in the universe other than being mere need machines. You don't mourn the fact that there aren't Martians on Mars, do you? But on earth it's "a good thing" for us to be here? You're contradicting yourself at a very fundamental level, and you're doing it as a result of your ego. You're not being rational. Just displaying a lot of ego and emotion.
Blackdragon 2013-09-21 11:12:24
Why is it bad for us people to “die out” and no longer exist?You're going to be shocked, but I completely agree with you. I have no problem whatsoever if people stopped breeding and the human race died out. Society is society's problem, not my problem. What I probably should have said was, "Biology wants men and women to be different, because biology wants men and women to breed and create babies. So to biology, this is a good thing."
AJ.Kent 2013-09-21 19:50:38
BD, if you were shown this blog in your early 20s and allowed a weekend to read through it.... would you still have had kids? Or would you have started your BD system back then and just focused on yourself, fucking women, and making money?
Raven 2013-09-21 19:59:06
“Biology wants men and women to be different, because biology wants men and women to breed and create babies. So to biology, this is a good thing.” Bingo!
Blackdragon 2013-09-21 20:10:38
BD, if you were shown this blog in your early 20s and allowed a weekend to read through it…. would you still have had kids? Or would you have started your BD system back then and just focused on yourself, fucking women, and making money?In my early 20s I did a variation of that; I focused solely on making money. No kids, no social life, very little dating. I didn't get married until I was 25. But to answer your question, I would have had kids, but I would have delayed it until my late 40s or early 50s. I would also have done it under an OLTR model instead of a traditional marriage model. From age 20 to age 45 (at least) I would have focused on my Mission, building my businesses, having lots of sex, travel, and falling in love occasionally.
Margaret Burnett 2013-09-26 00:34:34
There may even be long stretches were I wasn’t even working at all. This is all well and good because of my child support, but I have a problem. As a woman, I know that my physical beauty is temporary, and thus can’t be relied upon forever. Like that famous Craigslist guy once said, women are depreciating assets. I would not bullshit myself about this and be well aware of this weakness as a woman. I would know that my hotness will deteriorate just a little bit every year after about age 25, and be rendered essentially useless for attracting the really amazing men by the time I hit my mid 40s or early 50s.
P 2013-10-27 17:14:03
Very interesting. Some contradictions, generalization, a bit of a cliché here and there (both towards men and women), but mostly true. I read your post on older men with younger women or vice versa and thought basically the same thing. In any case, it's a good thing for men and women alike, it expands the market : you can fuck younger and older people at any age, no matter what dirty looks or backlash you might receive. And yes, we are conditionned, though I believe we can 'rewire' ourselves to think differently, break the mold. Society has been setting standards on how to live your life for a long time, probably always will.The trick is side-stepping them and stop caring to make your own, but the bits I've read on your blog tell me you already know that. Too many acronyms for a newbie though...I assumed FB meant Fuck Buddy. No idea what the hell a MLTR is. Too bad, if I knew what OLTR meant, I would probably get it...might have to delve into that later.
K 2014-01-15 00:40:01
Ah I liked both this article and the Blackdragonnette theory. It took my female brain almost halfway into the post to recognize the humor (in the latter) but once I did, I was pretty mind blown & impressed. Anyways, I had to comment because I think you were slightly inaccurate on two major points: (1) BeeDee would never (especially considering the Alpha 2.0 brain) put looks before financial stability. Finances & work would come first. Big boobs might be desired, but fake would be below her. (2) She wouldnt be quite so indiscriminating about her sexual relationships. She wouldn't have ASD, but she also wouldn't just bang whomever/whenever (maybe thats my ASD). Last thing, I like that you didnt include Fear, I think with a male brain BeeDee might not realize the need for Fear. If she did, Blackdragonette's choices would be BeeDee's and Blackdragonnette would just buy pepper spray and/or watch every situation she put herself in, thinking she's "smart & strong." Unfortunately both of these articles are overall spot on, in a depressing way. I'm not sure either personality type would truly be happy?
Blackdragon 2014-01-15 18:20:46
(1) BeeDee would never (especially considering the Alpha 2.0 brain) put looks before financial stability. Finances & work would come first. Big boobs might be desired, but fake would be below her.Her personal appearance, as well as her fake boobs, would get her men, attention and money. Focusing on her appearance is a key component of securing her financial future. Free cash and support from men because of her hotness would never be "beneath her".
(2) She wouldnt be quite so indiscriminating about her sexual relationships. She wouldn’t have ASD, but she also wouldn’t just bang whomever/whenever (maybe thats my ASD).That's probably true, but you just said it...she wouldn't have nearly as much ASD as you do...she has a guy brain.
I’m not sure either personality type would truly be happy?It's hard to say because we're measuring Blackdragonette against a female standard and BeeDee against a male one. Blackdragonette would probably live a more lavish lifestyle and not have to work nearly as hard, but she would probably not be quite as free as BeeDee. However both women would be WAY happier than the typical woman.
H.A. 2014-09-09 09:31:31
I stumbled upon this article. Funny you should say, "This fantasy woman doesn’t exist." Yet, she does. This BeeDee persona accurately described all of my viewpoints, choices, and actions in life. I've just never seen anyone bother to take the time to record it. As a very young girl, I chalked it up to a non-conformist, rebellious core trait. Now, with the benefit of hind-sight...I can assuredly say it's the best way to move in this world for long-term happiness. It requires ultimate femininity, the blessing of physical beauty, and the innate power to wield it all. Yes, women and men find it difficult to comprehend. So far, haven't met anyone else like me. However, I'm sure she's out there. I doubt I'm exclusively unique. The underlying principle is: Male companions are a choice, not a necessity. One doesn't marry at once, but at last (Gigi). I was not put on this earth to meet someone else's expectations, and they certainly weren't born just to come meet mine. That being said, let's enjoy.
Blackdragon 2014-09-09 12:39:31
This BeeDee persona accurately described all of my viewpoints, choices, and actions in life.Clearly, you are a queen among women. 😉
Alexandra 2016-04-12 18:13:12
I was happy to stumble upon your blog because it validated my thoughts on open relationships, which most of my peers will not. I am a 25 year old female and have been with my current boyfriend, who is 32, for over 4 years. We met in university and currently live together. He loves me and wants us to get married and have kids. I love him too but the thought of settling down and being with one guy for the rest of my life does not appeal to me. He's a great guy: funny, smart, attractive and objectively speaking would make a good husband (solid income, good communication skills, good with kids, good at fixing things) but I still don't want to marry him or have kids. I thought I was crazy because that's what everyone seems to do - settle down, get married, have kids. My friends are getting married left and right, and while I'm happy for them, marriage and children are not something I'm interested in at this point in my life. I'm sure my biological clock will chime in at some point but I won't have children until after I'm 30. I want to travel around the world, further my career and pursue my hobbies. Originally, when we first started seeing each other we had an open relationship. I never really took advantage of that other than occasionally making out with random guys at nightclubs and house parties because I was always busy with school work and friends in university. We're exclusive now and I regret that decision. I wish our relationship was still open because over the last 4 years I've learned I do not want to be in a monogamous relationship. I was faithful to him at first but then 2 years I was out of town for work and ended up sleeping with a guy I picked up at the gym. More recently I have been sleeping with a guy from my softball team on a semi-regular basis. Not because I'm not sexually satisfied by my boyfriend (on the contrary - he is great in bed) but because I want to fuck other guys. I still want to be with him but not be monogamous with him. I love flirting with guys, going dancing, going out with them (not for the free food!) and having sex with them. I want to sleep with whoever I want. I agree with you when you say women who don't want a monogamous relationship are rare, but I am one of these women. I wouldn't call myself a "Blackdragonette" or "BeeDee" because I do not need to rely on men for money, and would prefer not to. I made over $100,000 before taxes last year so I can support myself and my hobbies quite easily. I agree with your philosophy in that we should pursue happiness and avoid unhappiness and drama. Basically, I want to spend my time furthering my career, spending time with friends, having sex with different guys, travelling, playing sports and doing other hobbies. I don't want to be tied down with kids and a mortgage. After reading this blog, I've decided I'm going to talk to him about re-opening our relationship. That is the only way I could continue to be with him. I'd be very surprised if he agreed to it as all of his past relationships have all been monogamous and he is the one who originally wanted to get monogamous. But it's worth a try and if it doesn't work I will move on.
EsauAlfaro 2016-08-01 21:56:48
Somehow I liked Blackdragonette more than BeeDee... And the hypothetical story behind Blackdragonette was also better, this BeeDee to me is only pleasing the readers but something you have almost to no chance of meeting in real life. But, like Alphas 2.0, maybe there are a few similar women to BeeDee, and I don't know if zero kids is that awesome, having one or two, even if it is a happiness drain, I kinda think it is worth it (only if the kids doesn't ruin your finances like my sister did with my father, fuck marriages without prenup and abusive child support).
big Daddy cool 2016-08-17 07:00:01
Many of you really freaked out, both in the comments and in my email. I knew this would happen, which is why I said in the disclaimer that I hesitated to even make that post. Many of you stated that Blackdragonette would be a cold hearted slut, a liar, a lazy golddigging bitch, a criminal, and/or would end up being very unhappy. Well…yes.I certainly loathe that woman; and I'll admit to having not hesitated to call them "prostitutes" openly, missinge asy sex with some real beauties for that. What can I do? This kind of prostitution I can not accept, what I can't really accept is the hypocritical denial and self-denial it's based on. There are no women like Blackdragonette. There are a lot of women who do what Blackdragonette would, without ever admitting to it (outwardly and innerly), and that's what I despise. They gotta call "love" where there is money for sex. But why would I get freak out at you for telling things the way they are?
Paul 2017-03-22 17:14:44
This sound exactly like my last girl. She had a pretence of wanting the Disney fairytale but in reality thought and did closely to an alpha 2.0. She did say to me"I'm totally in love with you but you know I'm going to fuck other guys don't you? But that doesn't mean that you can fuck other girls. I should be enough for you". Otherwise she was exactly like like an Alpha 2.0 guy. Nexted me when i developed oneitis. Doh!
Jack Outside the Box 2017-03-22 19:57:10
@Alexandra: Holy shit! I know this is super late and you probably won't read this, but I just had to communicate how awesome you are, and reassure you that you are not alone!
I am a 25 year old female and have been with my current boyfriend, who is 32, for over 4 years. We met in university and currently live together. He loves me and wants us to get married and have kids.Ok, so he's the marriage minded beta here. Sorry to here that.
I love him too but the thought of settling down and being with one guy for the rest of my life does not appeal to me.It doesn't appeal to anyone else either. The difference is that you're self aware and intellectually honest, whereas most people are not.
I’m sure my biological clock will chime in at some point but I won’t have children until after I’m 30.That might be dangerous though. Your fertility starts to plummet at age 25. Despite feminist propaganda, the possibility of birth defects, autism, and other nasty things dramatically increases little by little beginning at 25. By the time you're 30, you're taking an, at least substantial, risk in getting pregnant. But that's still not as bad as 40 or even 35.
Originally, when we first started seeing each other we had an open relationship. I never really took advantage of that other than occasionally making out with random guys at nightclubs and house parties because I was always busy with school work and friends in university.Sorry to hear that. Did he take advantage of it?
We’re exclusive now and I regret that decision.Ouch!
I wish our relationship was still open because over the last 4 years I’ve learned I do not want to be in a monogamous relationship.Definitely open it up!
I was faithful to him at first but then 2 years I was out of town for work and ended up sleeping with a guy I picked up at the gym.Awesome! Good for you!
More recently I have been sleeping with a guy from my softball team on a semi-regular basis.Hmm, softball team huh? Not bad! 🙂
Not because I’m not sexually satisfied by my boyfriend (on the contrary – he is great in bed) but because I want to fuck other guys. I still want to be with him but not be monogamous with him.I love this! We need more women like you exploding the myth that cheating means there's a problem in the relationship, or the woman doesn't want to be with the man, or she's no longer attracted to him, etc... That is such bullshit! You can be very in love with your man (like you are) and cheat on him precisely because of it, not despite it. If you weren't in love, hiding things from him probably wouldn't be worth it and you'd just dump him. So you sleeping with other men in secret is precisely a testament to the strength of your relationship, not it's weakness. I'm being very serious here. You have every reason to be proud of yourself! It's just a shame that you have to do it secretly because the man you love is filled with cultural programming. I sincerely hope things work out for you. In the meantime, keep doing what you're doing!
I love flirting with guys, going dancing, going out with them (not for the free food!) and having sex with them. I want to sleep with whoever I want.You are not alone. My girl is the same way and so are other girls and guys. We just usually keep to ourselves.
I agree with you when you say women who don’t want a monogamous relationship are rare, but I am one of these women. I wouldn’t call myself a “Blackdragonette” or “BeeDee” because I do not need to rely on men for money, and would prefer not to.Yet another thing you should be proud of.
I made over $100,000 before taxes last year so I can support myself and my hobbies quite easily.Nice!
I agree with your philosophy in that we should pursue happiness and avoid unhappiness and drama. Basically, I want to spend my time furthering my career, spending time with friends, having sex with different guys, travelling, playing sports and doing other hobbies. I don’t want to be tied down with kids and a mortgage.You are not alone.
After reading this blog, I’ve decided I’m going to talk to him about re-opening our relationship.Sweet!
That is the only way I could continue to be with him. I’d be very surprised if he agreed to it as all of his past relationships have all been monogamous and he is the one who originally wanted to get monogamous. But it’s worth a try and if it doesn’t work I will move on.Well, it's been months since you made this post, but on the off chance that you're reading it, tell us what happened. Are you still with him? If I had seen this earlier, I would have told you that you don't necessarily have to break up with him if he says no. You can continue having discreet sex on the side even while you're in this relationship with the man you love. For many women, this type of arrangement works out great and the man never finds out. I know it's too late now and what I'm talking about has already happened months ago, but for future references, I'd like you to consider discreet sex as an option if losing the man you love over this is too painful. But yeah, the open relationship route is definitely a superior option. I hope everything worked out for you. If you're reading, let me know. 🙂
Jack Outside the Box 2017-03-22 20:15:57
She did say to me”I’m totally in love with you but you know I’m going to fuck other guys don’t you? But that doesn’t mean that you can fuck other girls. I should be enough for you”.This is absolutely disgusting! How dare she say "I should be enough for you" when she just told you, point blank, that you're not enough for her? Boldly and explicitly giving herself privileges that she is deliberately withholding from you is female supremacist trash! And the fact that she's this bold about it represents a breathtaking level of disrespect!
Nexted me when i developed oneitis.Really? You developed oneitis for such a disrespectful brat? Unbelievable. So did she fuck other guys openly while you were required to castrate yourself? Did you actually allow such an arrangement?
Alexandra 2017-03-23 21:53:43
@ Jack Outside the Box Thanks for replying 🙂 I do still read this blog as I find the articles and comments very interesting and relevant to relationships in our current society. The last time I posted here was about this time last year. Since you asked, here is what happened since then... I did pitch the idea of re-opening our relationship to my boyfriend at the time (we'll call him B) but as expected, he was not enthusiastic about it. I explained that I believed we wanted different things in life and perhaps it was best we part ways. He was sad to hear that, but agreed that we should break up soon. I admit I should have been stronger and broken up with him then and then but I had just gotten back from a couple weeks in Europe and missed him. Thus we prolonged our relationship further, even celebrated our 5th year anniversary in June. We both agreed we would break up, just not at the moment. Unfortunately less than a week later, B found out about the guy I was sleeping with from my softball team (we'll call him N). Needless to say, he was very upset and felt betrayed. I moved out that afternoon. I do regret cheating on him for so long. He was a good guy overall and I should have broken things off sooner to avoid hurting him like that. The following couple weeks were filled with feelings of guilt and regret. Then we started hooking up again. The sex was very hot - like what it was like when we first starting sleeping together. Only downside was that after, he'd ask me what I was doing and what I wanted from him. I didn't have much to say - just that I enjoyed his company and I enjoyed having sex with him. He even helped me settle into my new apartment. Eventually he did break things off for good, saying he loved me too much to continue seeing me when I didn't feel the same way about him. I was sad but moved on and promised myself I would never cheat on anyone again. I continued seeing N from the softball team and am still seeing him today. N and I have a great thing going because we're not exclusive. I've learned from my prior relationship that I can't be in a monogamous relationship. He's not looking for one either because he was also previously in a relationship a few years prior where he moved in with a girl and things went downhill. Also, he says he's scarred from seeing his friends get divorced and lose a lot of their assets. Being in an open relationship is awesome. N and I both get that even though we like each other, we're attracted to other people. We even had a threesome with another girl on our softball team! (It was supposed to be a foursome with another guy on the team but he bailed last minute). It was hard at first but I'm so glad I got out of my monogamous relationship. I'm happier now, because I'm free and I can do whatever I want! No more sneaking around and hiding text messages. I can now have guilt-free sex with other guys, which I have definitely taken advantage. I also have more time to go out with my girl friends and focus on my job. Open relationships are the way to go!
Jack Outside the Box 2017-03-25 17:51:22
I did pitch the idea of re-opening our relationship to my boyfriend at the time (we’ll call him B) but as expected, he was not enthusiastic about it.Sorry to hear that.
Unfortunately less than a week later, B found out about the guy I was sleeping with from my softball team (we’ll call him N).Ouch.
Needless to say, he was very upset and felt betrayed. I moved out that afternoon.Well good. At least the discovery allowed you to move on from an unhealthy relationship. Good for you.
I do regret cheating on him for so long. He was a good guy overall and I should have broken things off sooner to avoid hurting him like that. The following couple weeks were filled with feelings of guilt and regret.This is probably the one thing upon which we disagree. You hurt him because you got caught. I would recommend better discretion. But even if you've decided that cheating isn't for you, you still have no business feeling guilty for following your natural biology. Monogamy doesn't work. If monogamy is forced upon you by peer pressure or whatever, cheating is the inevitable result. As such, cheating is a sign of the restoration of sanity and an instinctive rebellion against unnatural strictures. Only low self esteem people in monogamy don't cheat. So don't feel bad.
Then we started hooking up again. The sex was very hot – like what it was like when we first starting sleeping together.Nice! I'm glad he's at least mature enough for that.
Eventually he did break things off for good, saying he loved me too much to continue seeing me when I didn’t feel the same way about him.Except you did feel the same way about him. You just didn't want monogamy. It's sad that he couldn't get that.
I was sad but moved on and promised myself I would never cheat on anyone again.I think this promise is unwarranted, but I agree with you that open relationships are indeed the superior option.
I continued seeing N from the softball team and am still seeing him today.Good.
N and I have a great thing going because we’re not exclusive. I’ve learned from my prior relationship that I can’t be in a monogamous relationship.No one can. Except people with extremely low self esteem, or even lower sex drives.
Being in an open relationship is awesome. N and I both get that even though we like each other, we’re attracted to other people. We even had a threesome with another girl on our softball team! (It was supposed to be a foursome with another guy on the team but he bailed last minute).Fantastic! Sorry about the other guy chickening out.
It was hard at first but I’m so glad I got out of my monogamous relationship. I’m happier now, because I’m free and I can do whatever I want! No more sneaking around and hiding text messages.Yup! Although I don't share your animosity towards cheating, I do agree that open relationships are much better, less of a headache, and easier to maintain. Good for you.
I can now have guilt-free sex with other guys, which I have definitely taken advantage. I also have more time to go out with my girl friends and focus on my job.Perfect!
Open relationships are the way to go!Agreed! Thank you so much for sharing. And don't be a stranger in the comments. You're definitely a woman from which many men here may learn a lot of things, such as, that women like you exist! Take care!
CC 2017-04-15 11:50:47
@Alexandra & @Jack_Outside_The_Box , I've read your exchange and I'd like to chime in: I agree that only low self esteem people are "able" (or self constricted to) follow a monogamous lifestyle. I've been in a non-live-in LTR for 15 years (we're high school sweethearts), and we've been monogamous all this time. We were both quite overweight and unsuccessful at attracting the opposite sex, but our personalities and sex drive match very well and the life experiences we've shared are so valuable that we consider each other family, plus the sex has become increasingly good, we're even able to synchronize orgasms which is awesome. A few years ago, after a rough patch, I suggested we open up our relationship on his side (he can pursue other girls if he wants to, but I promised I won't pursue sex with other men, as I'm not really interested in any and don't think I'll be in the future). This was all before reading anything about Alphas, the manosphere, or any other red pill info. This was intuitive I guess; I want him to embrace his natural Alpha tendencies, both for his and my interests. I had let the case rest and he didn't actually act on it, but recently I brought it up again upon discovery of the manosphere. What I thought was a kink or personality disorder, I've now discovered is not as unusual as society deemed it to be. We're now on a weight loss and image improvement journey (shoutout to r/keto), and now, on a Game journey for him too. I've been the one prompting this and I know he isn't really sure how true it is, and I've had moments of insecurity the one time he tried to game a girl (I tried to help and it was a big stumble). I just wanted to add a bit to the conversation, mostly to say that these ideas don't only come to men, but also women, intuitively under certain circumstances. I identified a lot with the BeeDee example, much more than with Blackdragonette, except in the fucking around part, and that's brought on by poor self esteem I'm sure. I love it that there are communities talking about this, and I think it's the natural opposition that third wave feminism has provoqued, but I think that feminine voices can be helpful in deplugging too. Hell, we need deplugging too. I took the red pill and I'm helping my man take it too. I want to help others, wretched society imposed faked monogamy or serial monogamy is no way to live.
Alexandra 2017-04-17 08:36:57
@CC That's awesome you guys are experimenting outside of your relationship. Let us know how it goes! Also, best of luck on the weight loss/image imprpvement journey! Its a tough road, but sooo worth it. For example, I find that for women especially, when you feel good about your body your sex drive increases. I agree, these ideas aren't limited to men. I think thats why there are quite a few women reading the BD blog. I used to think I was weird or just traumatized from my parents' terrible marriage (which might still be true haha) but not anymore. It feels good free yourself from society's expectations.
Dixie 2018-07-01 18:23:22
As a slightly autistic and very attractive female, this was validating to read. My brain works similarly to a typical male's, but of course my body has different hormones floating through it. Never really expected to be 30 and child-free, but here I am! I was programmed by the Mormon church to want at least 5 kids, but luckily I bailed on religion after a couple years at a public university. I didn't finish a degree (and don't really plan to) but I feel the debt was worth it to avoid a life of misery. I always kept a seed of doubt, but being surrounded by atheists (including 1 respectful one whom I later married) and learning about neuropsychology opened the door for my escape. I never took a martial art but know some basics about self defense, like staying out of grabbing range and how to break out of some holds. If I decide to walk alone in the city after dark, I keep pepper spray in my hand and maintain situational awareness. I don't rely on my beta companions to protect me. I'm generally not afraid of men. They mostly appreciate a smile or a friendly conversation with a pretty woman. Some are just showing off for their friends, in which case I don't indulge them. I would very much like to learn to shoot and get a license to carry someday. I'm slightly androgynous but over the pixie haircuts, at least until I'm older. Eyeliner and lip stain comes out on special occasions or when professional photos will be taken. I'm a B cup with a bubble butt. Sister got a boob job and regrets it. Her botox injections and fillers make her look strange to me because her neck gives away her age. I'd rather protect myself from the sun, learn to relax my face, and age gracefully. Also would rather invest in building a roster now instead of worrying about attracting fresh meat later, like what my divorced 50 y.o. sister is facing. A farm sounds more romantic than Paris. Somewhere not too far from the city where I could live half the week or year. I've grown to love the Mediterranean climate and fantasize about having a place in Chile someday. I typically am sleeping with 3-4 men at a time. I hadn't considered keeping Plan B & pregnancy tests stocked but that's a good idea. Never had a ONS. My cycle is very regular and I'm not on BC but am considering getting an IUD. Hubby might get the injection someday. I've only fluid bonded with him and my last MLTR who had a vasectomy and had no other partners. That lasted a year before I nexted him. Wish I'd followed my instinct and moved on when he spent the whole first date talking! He was a single-parent and childlike himself, and I think that affected my ability to be rational. My husband isn't seeing anyone else because he works 100h/wk and hasn't prioritized it. He's in love with his work and doesn't have to prove his SMV to me because he already dated several of my friends in college. I would like to see him happy though, and when he's ready I'll gladly give him fashion advice. I have participated in therapy and DBT skills training to learn to listen to all sides of myself and manage emotions/distress more effectively. I'd recommend DBT to any atypical women as it's very structured and logical. If I were to learn a technical skill it would probably be GIS mapping and piloting drones. I learned programming in high school but gave up in college where the culture was very misogynistic. I'd prefer something more independent (and outdoorsy) than most tech jobs, while earning enough to potentially supplement a farm income. I know I'd be happier being around young people some of the time, especially atypical ones, so I try to keep that in mind. Might be something like leading nature walks or teaching in an urban farm. I also like to spend time with kids of my friends/family to calm the baby fever and establish a role as an aunt. Cuddling babies and watching them learn and experience new things is a rush! For me it's easier to process the natural grief of not having kids if I still get to experience time with children. While I'm more sure about my child-free decision everyday, that choice comes with some strong emotions, which must be given space. The feelings get stirred up the most when I'm around men who talk about wanting kids, so I like to spend time with men who are either deliberately child-free or married and unlikely to bother me about it or question my choices. Sometimes I need extra comfort as the emotions can run high at this period in my life, but I don't dump on my men about it. I don't expect them to understand, but I might let them hold me if I need a release. It's my decision and I'm glad I chose a husband who supports it. He set the frame early on that he wouldn't promise monogamy or have children, and I quickly came around. At most I'll fantasize about fostering to adopt without him, but even that is highly unlikely. We're both neurodivergent with similar interests, and sometimes that gives me hope for lasting companionate love. However, we've accepted that if our goals and interests don't align in the future we could downgrade to MLTR or FB. I've seen some aspie couples withstand the test of time, and it'd be nice if this could last as long as his grandparents marriage, but not if it meant he would become as passive as his grandpa. I like confident betas with shared mutual interests who keep themselves busy. It would take too much energy for me to make the bulk of the decisions, or worse, deal with needy Alpha egos. The latter might be good for a dance partner (where there's little talking,) or even a FB if they're working on quieting their ego. I will not tolerate neediness, unjustified anger or defensiveness. If my husband and I were to divorce, I'd like to think we would negotiate and I wouldn't automatically expect half of his property, but overall I'd look out for my own interests without destroying the relationship. I'd like to maintain some sense of honor. We lived together for 6 years before considering marriage for the tax benefits. Thanks Trump! I care more about saving money now than how much I might get later. My portfolio could use some diversification as I like riskier investments and he only tolerates lower-risk for his own. I realize that I can't count on him to make the most optimal investment decisions, so it makes sense that I should put more effort into my own financial stability. The closest to Alpha 2.0 I've come across is a man I met recently. He was raised in the UK by a lesbian single mother who used a sperm donor. He's a married entrepreneur with no kids yet, but one night a week he's my Daddy.
Nicole 2019-03-11 18:28:28
Yeah, I’m BeeDee too. Though I’ll admit I have low sex drive and so I don’t date seriously at all. I care for guys romantically here and there but commitment is the worst thing I can think of, so I hope never to be in a long-term relationship. And I have found no matter how much I think I care for a guy it doesn’t last. I stop caring as soon as their looks deteriorate (lol, must be how men feel about women..) And to get sexually satisfied I’d rather hire hookers than deal with FBs. The urges really aren’t a lot for me so it’s basically a non-issue. I’m 25 and relatively attractive: tall, fit, long hair bleached blonde, and I can push my physical appearance way up the scale with makeup (with makeup 8, without makeup 6) so I do that whenever I’m travelling or in front of guys I fancy, because I know that will get me treated better. Guys just can’t help treating hot women better. But I don’t wear makeup at work and I’m a manager, I have strong enough skills to carry me at work so I don’t bother with my look. It has never occurred to me that other women actually want children, want to get married, or are afraid of being out alone after dark. Just makes no sense to me whatsoever. Kids are nothing but a money and energy blackhole (besides, they just look disgusting; never at all an option to me), marriage is for the legally-illiterate, and just why is anyone afraid of walking down the street at night? I honestly don’t get it. Also I once had a female friend tell me she was too afraid to use her handgun even after she got trained and it blew my mind. Both rifles and pistols feel like holding a book or something to me, other than the recoil that you get used to after a first try, I don’t know what’s special about guns. Lastly, damn it’s true I pour all my money into travelling. I’ll never have kids or a long-term relationship, unthinkable. Also fun fact: even as an attractive female in high heels and makeup, I’m not used to people holding doors for me or offering to help me. I don’t think it happens a lot. I mean I expect people to treat me nicely when I ask for help because of my looks, but men don’t offer as much help to me than they’d offer the landwhales. It never occurred to me women get strange men helping them with luggage for example, when travelling, until I saw landwhales bragging about it online. Then after paying some attention, I realised for me I was automatically hurling my luggage and instinctively helping other lone women with theirs, and when men offer to help, I’m often done before I even process what they say. So I appear rude, I guess. Probably because growing up I was never treated like a girl by anyone until I was about 15, even after I started taking care of my looks, a lot of things pretty girls can get for being pretty I just still didn’t know about.