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Getting Started From Scratch, For Beginners – 12 Dating Technqiues To Get Good With Women
This article is for all of you guys who just had a relationship end or who have decided to get back into the game after a long dry spell. It's for guys starting from zero. I've taken everything I know and distilled it all down into 12 steps to get you started on your new journey. These 12 steps will get you from zero to the women as fast as possible. They're not easy; everything of value in life requires work. But they do work, and work fast.
-By Caleb Jones
The 12 Steps
1. Put all of your non-woman, non-fitness life projects and goals on temporary hold. That means you're going to have to temporarily suspend any financial goals, educational goals, spiritual goals, travel goals, or any other goals you have that have nothing to do with women or your physical appearance. Just put those areas on maintenance mode for a while. Don't worry, you will be getting back to these areas in a few months. For now just temporarily suspend them.
2. If you are not more than 15 pounds overweight, skip this step and proceed to step 3. If you are 15 pounds overweight or more, you must start losing weight. This is mandatory. You certainly don't have be skinny or ripped to get women (trust me on that one) but you do need to lose as much fat around your chin, belly, and chest as you can.
Use an online calculator (there are many) and determine your BMR (basal metabolic rate) or TDEE (total daily energy expenditure). Download the smartphone app "Lose It!" and start using it religiously. It's free, easy, and very effective. Eat a mild daily caloric deficient based on your BMR/TDEE number above. Make a commitment to measure (with measuring cups and/or a cheap kitchen scale) every food item before it goes into your mouth unless you're on a predesignated cheat day. Stop eating anything made from a grain or a potato (unless it's a cheat day).
Just by doing the above 4 items you'll start losing weight immediately. Some of you more chubby guys could drop 10-15 pounds within the first week or two. When you do, keep going. Don't stop until you're at least a moderately healthy average weight for a man your height and age, or close to it.
3. If you already lift weights, skip this step and proceed to step 4. If you don't already lift weights, you need to start right now. If you have the time and really want to get into it, get a gym membership and start going three times a week. If you are a busy guy and/or just want to do the minimum, which is fine at this point, order a band resistance set and start doing the exercises it recommends, at home, at your convenience.
Now look god dammit, don't go crazy with the weight lifting right now! Yes, lift weights, but your goal is not to get ripped right now. Your goal is to get laid. To that end, your goal is to get your muscles a little bigger and harder so you have more confidence when talking to women, and to raise your odds of success with them due to your enhanced appearance.
4. If your height is about 5'10" (179 centimeters) or over, this step is optional and you may skip this step and go to step. If you are 5'9" or under, you need to alleviate your height disadvantage as best you can. Get some shoe lifts and place them in your shoes whenever you go out to meet women or on a first date. There are many types and sizes to choose from based on your height. Never, ever use your lack of height as an excuse; you have too many options to help with this.
5. Go clothes shopping with two women under the age of 30 and have them help you pick out one or two "date outfits" for you to wear on dates or when meeting women. This is one of the very rare times that taking a woman's dating advice is useful.
Your date outfit should be in modern styles that fit your body perfectly (a little too tight is better than too lose) with colors that compliment your hair, skin, and eyes. Two shirts and one pair of pants is all most men need (though some guys will need a new pair of shoes also).
6. Between the three options of night game, daygame, or online dating, pick ONE of these. JUST PICK ONE YOU BASTARD. Look, I know you. You're going to get all excited and try to do many different methods at once, thinking your odds will be better if you shotgun this. If you're already at an advanced or high intermediate level, then fine. But if you're a beginner, NO.
Pick just one, and for the time being completely ignore the other two. Designate one week as "research week". Go online and download 2-3 good ebooks in your chosen focus area and learn the system. (Obviously if you chose online dating you should get my ebook on that immediately.) Over your research week, develop of plan of action of exactly what you will do.
Moreover, make yourself a solemn pact that you will NOT get a monogamous girlfriend for at least the next six months, even if you meet an amazing girl who is Not Like The Rest™ who really likes you, and that you will not stop meeting and having sex with new women for at least six months (even if you meet an amazing girl who is Not Like The Rest™ who really likes you).
Your goal here is to develop a necessary skill that you can rely upon the rest of your life. It is not to leap into a monogamous beta male relationship with a girlfriend as fast as possible. You can always do that later if you still want to (and hopefully you won't).
Getting a traditional monogamous girlfriend is the easiest thing in the world. Pussy AFC beta males do it all the time. Your goals should be better than this.
8. If you are under the age of 40, you are only allowed to open women age 32 or under. The younger the better (but don't sleep with underage women please...don't be stupid). If you are over 40, you are allowed to go a little above age 32 if you have to, but try to keep the woman as close to age 32 (and under) as you can based on your age and looks.
One exception to this: If you are well under 30, are ripped, lean, and muscular, and/or are very good looking, then you should go for the older milfs and cougars...they'll put out fast for you if your game is decent. (Be sure to always dress very casually when meeting new women if that's the case.) But that's the only exception to this rule! The other 97% of guys out there need to follow the rule-of-32 to the letter! (Later, when you get good at this, you can hit up the older women if you still want to.)
9. At the end of your seven-day research week, blast into action.
If your weapon of choice is night game or daygame, open 100 women of the correct age range as fast as your schedule allows. If you're a more confident guy, go for the hottest women you can. If you're not super confident yet, don't be too picky about how hot the women are. For you, quantity is what's more important at this point.
If your chosen style is online dating, you must blast out at least 350 openers to women of the correct age range. You must send 350 openers before you evaluate whether or not it's "working". You need to be careful not to do this too quickly to set off any of the online dating sites' filtering features.
If you need to sign up to multiple dating sites to get your 350, do so. (If there's not enough women on all the dating sites to get to 350 within a few short weeks, your town is too small for online dating as a primary focus area and you need to switch to daygame. Or move to a bigger city.) Do not stop until you get to your number (100 or 350). Follow the system you came up with in step 6 and don't deviate from it (yet).
10. Track your results on paper or a spreadsheet. Track whatever numbers you like, but the most important number is how often you actually have vaginal intercourse with a new woman per open or per first date. Do NOT get hung up on "response rates", or phone numbers, or makeouts, or any of that other ego-feeding garbage. Actual SEX is all that counts.
11. When you hit your number of openers, pause and review your results. Likely, you did a lot of stuff wrong. That's okay. Make some changes in your system. Then hit up another 100-200 women. Then track your results again, and see if they improved or declined. Adjust accordingly as your results slowly start getting better and better.
12. Keep doing step 11 over and over again for at least six months, preferably 18 months if you want to get good at this. Keep lifting weights. If you're chubby, keep measuring your food and counting calories (but do take an occasional cheat day now and then). Keep reading this blog and others like it to stay plugged into the system until you get good. And remember, no girlfriending anyone for at least the first six months. Don't puss out on this. That's it! You've got a wonderful journey ahead of you! Get to work!
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Mike 2014-01-07 14:44:21
BD - A very good post - especially the part about posting the 9 Steps to avoid 1-itis on the wall - I can see it happening already... BTW - I only recently found your site and am glad to finally find a site about dating/having sex with hot women that isn't about hating women or how women are evil or are ruining society, etc. Maybe it's because I'm not a 20-something (or 30-something) but I dont agree with that sh1t.
Curtis 2014-01-07 15:18:05
Bd, Great post after your segmentation of blogs! I like the direction the blog is headed. Might I add that if you create a "template" of your spreadsheet it would be an awesome phone app or a great lead magnet to capture more email addresses I would download it. Either way keep up the good work! Curtis
ObeyX 2014-01-07 20:12:10
@Mike - Totally agree Blackdragon is one of the seduction/Manosphere blogs where he stays as objective and truthful as possible which is another reason why I strongly consume his products and free content. Also being an INTP, I crave objective truth and rational ways in improving my overall life. Great blog post though btw looking like everything transitioned smoothly with the website move.
lazy guy 2014-01-08 13:15:11
BD, reading this post led me to read your old post on avoiding Oneitis. Then I needed to consult your glossary. So then I had to hunt for it ... going back two other blog posts ... That process was tedious and totally disrupted the flow of reading the article. Have I overlooked some obvious convenient link (to your glossary) posted somewhere on the margin of the page at all times? Or would it be a good idea to add that feature?
Blackdragon 2014-01-08 13:49:33
You had trouble finding the Glossary? Really? It's one of the biggest links at the top of the page, on the main menu bar. I even had it placed further to the left of the screen, since people read left-to-right.
lazy guy 2014-01-08 15:34:21
Oops, yup, I overlooked it, for some reason thinking it would be formatted otherwise. Okay thanks BD. Good on ya.
Malkey 2014-01-09 14:46:41
What's one or two good ebooks for daygame and online game?
Blackdragon 2014-01-09 21:29:52
Well, the best online dating ebook on Earth is mine. www.onlinedatingsuccessnow.com. That's a completely objective statement of course. 🙂 As for daygame ebooks, there are many daygame gurus out there with decent stuff, but I'm not in a position to recommend any specific ones. Yet. Hit the links on the right side of this blog and start poking around.
A. Man 2015-08-25 19:11:16
Read this from a link at https://blackdragonblog.com/2015/08/20/there-is-no-hookup-culture/ Just got the weight loss app. I'm killing myself with snacks. Thanks for the wake-up call.
Yonatan 2015-09-13 05:47:49
BD, I am an Alpha 1.0 male and, yes, it will make you cringe, of a religious background. However, I really have learned a lot and respect your posts and blog, as a whole. I also may consider getting your e-book. Even though I may not get tons of sex, I have nothing against polygamous marriages (not paper legal, but spiritual). I also do not believe in oneness /oneitis or ever submitting or having to concede any authority to women. Ironically, my views of alpha dominance are religious in nature, which means that even if I am alone on an island and a woman offered herself if I become her slave, I would refuse for moral reasons.. I guess I wonder how a person in my situation, being an Alpha 1.0 who seeks out monogamous or polygamous LTR with a woman or women would be able to utilize your techniques? I understand your situation and don't look down on you for it. In the world of weak, pathetic beta males, you are surprisingly a breathe of very fresh air. My goal is different than yours and I am sure won't be entirely respected by you. I want to find women to dominate and have authority over. I feel just banging lots of girls for sex seems un-fulfilling, because of the spiritual views. This is my perspective and I know it may seem foreign to you. However, your confident, liberated and empowered alpha mindset and personality, even living in liberal feminist western society, is inspiring and admirable. I also don't believe I ever can find a good wife in Western society. I'm hoping one day to save up enough money and find a foreign bride or brides in an Eastern country. I am Jewish and even though I am open to a monogamous relationship, I am also open to a polygamous one, but it needs to be within the confines of a spiritual bond. Another side question, I have for you is as the other poster asked about books or any posts you have on day game. Night game is also a possibility, but I don't like loud clubs full of drunk and agressive pricks. Yeah, I am 37 and feel too old for many of the clubs around downtown Seattle, which cater to the younger, drunker and more rowdy crowds. Seattle, being a very cliquey, nerdy, liberal and feministic city poses its own problems in the hookup world. Online dating is a real pain.. I spend all day as a software developer working on the computer and the last thing I want to do at end of day is bust my back typing long essays trying to sell my profile. I am much more old fashioned and don't have much fear of rejection and I am never obsessed over SHE IS THE ONE , DIFFERENT THAN THE REST or any other Oneitis symptoms. In many ways, I know have what it takes to play, hookup. My hormones may get the best of me, but I am just wanting to hook up with girls and get to the point where they will want to have sex with me. Whether or not I have sex with them I will not comment on. However, I have more of a fetish for dominance and authority versus just getting laid.
Blackdragon 2015-09-14 15:23:07
I am an Alpha 1.0 male and, yes, it will make you cringe, of a religious background.I too come from a religious background. The difference is that I realized it was bullshit Societal Programming and freed myself from it.
I wonder how a person in my situation, being an Alpha 1.0 who seeks out monogamous or polygamous LTR with a woman or women would be able to utilize your techniques?I don't understand the question. You're sexually monogamous or you aren't. If you aren't, you can use all of my techniques and they will work. If you are, you can use about 30-40% of them, but they won't be nearly as effective (since she owns your balls by controlling when you have sex).
I feel just banging lots of girls for sex seems un-fulfillingI feel the same way. I don't bang lots of girls. Just 2-4 at a time.
I am Jewish and even though I am open to a monogamous relationship, I am also open to a polygamous one, but it needs to be within the confines of a spiritual bond.Do an OLTR marriage then. Problem solved.
I have for you is as the other poster asked about books or any posts you have on day game.I did daygame many years ago for a brief while, and got laid, but I don't consider myself qualified to give advice in that area, other than what to do on the "day2" (first date).
Yonatan 2015-09-15 14:14:55
THanks for the advice Black Dragon.. I understand I am not your typical candidate, but I do believe I could learn a lot from you and your blog. I live in a world submerged with beta/emasculated feminist mangina she-males and you are a breath of fresh air, as I said.
I too come from a religious background. The difference is that I realized it was bullshit Societal Programming and freed myself from it.Ironically, I grew up as an atheist for most of my life and got fed up with that and then decided to become religious and it has given me a foundation in life. In fact, when I was an atheist I was also a feminist and raised by a mother who was a very dominating alpha and feminist. I feel that religion, in addition to just opening my eyes all the way around broke me free of that life. Now, I follow a very traditional male dominated religion and feel it gives me substance. However, I understand why you think its bullshit and I do believe most religion these days is bullshit.
I don’t understand the question. You’re sexually monogamous or you aren’t. If you aren’t, you can use all of my techniques and they will work. If you are, you can use about 30-40% of them, but they won’t be nearly as effective (since she owns your balls by controlling when you have sex).I can be polygamous in the confines of marriage or a spiritual bond, meaning I can marry more than one woman in my religion. So, even though I may prefer a monogamous marriage, I would be open to marrying multiple wives. As far as a woman owning my balls and controlling sex, that will not ever be the case. In my religion it is a sin for a woman to ever deny the husband sex. Denying the husband sex is grounds for divorce. I would never stay married to any woman who would not submit to my authority, as it goes against my beliefs.
Do an OLTR marriage then. Problem solved.I think this is the best solution for me. Well, the challenge will be to even meet women. In Seattle, there is not a lot of women, period. Male:Female ratio sucks. As well, most of the women here are radical feminists or independents. I've considered moving to Tennessee or some Southern state where the concept of male authority is not totally dead. However, I am ultimately going to go overseas, maybe Latin America, India, Africa or Eastern Europe and find a wife or wives there.. Indian women women would be my first pick as they are the least corrupted and most submissive, although Western culture is corrupting them too now. Being an Eastern person though, I feel connected to a more Eastern woman. I guess I will be open to an OLTR, but have no problem dumping a woman at a moment's notice if she tries to seek power over me. I've never believed in a paper marriage and your advice about marriage and legal issues has been very insightful for me. Yes, maybe I suffer also from the typical Alpha 1.0 syndrome.. I don't consider myself Needy though, as I believe everything is spiritual. If a woman will not submit to my authority, including give me sex when I want , then she is not going against me, but G-d. As you say, a "Soft Next" is the solution. I understand you don't particularly cater to the "religious crowd" of alphas, but I still enjoy your teachings (does that sound too religious? :D) and reading your blogs. I feel what you write has a fair amount of psychological and sociological depth and beneficial to all men to some degree stuck in the modern, liberal feminist world.
Blackdragon 2015-09-15 17:37:34
So, even though I may prefer a monogamous marriage, I would be open to marrying multiple wives.Then you would not be monogamous.
In Seattle, there is not a lot of women, period.Um...huh? I live near Seattle. There are literally millions of women there. Many of them super hot. Your attitude harms you.
As well, most of the women here are radical feminists or independents.Again, wrong. A higher percentage of them as compared to some other American cities? Yes. "Most" of them? No. Not even close. Again, attitude.
I am ultimately going to go overseas, maybe Latin America, India, Africa or Eastern Europe and find a wife or wives thereWith your Alpha 1.0 attitude, that's what you should do, India or SE Asia. The ones in Latin America or Eastern Europe will just piss you off; they might submit but you're in for drama. Just remember what I said here.
Yonatan 2015-09-17 02:00:00
Um…huh? I live near Seattle. There are literally millions of women there. Many of them super hot. Your attitude harms you.You are right there is a lot of beautiful women in Seattle. It seems like a hard city to meet people and I live in the country a bit, about a 40 min drive to the city. I do see lots of women, but when I go to a bar, coffeeshop or any event, like meetup, it usually is all men and no women there. What perplexes me is where do you meet all these mysteriously beautiful women in this city? I see them at grocery stores and walking around the streets, but I rarely see them anywhere you would consider a social environment. No, I am not joining a yoga or sowing class that would be a very Beta environment for a male. I never did well being a "girlfriend" and most women loathe me and consider me too chauvinistic when they try getting friendly in that "girl buddy" way with me. Anyway, I'm financially struggling in small family software business and may have to end up leaving Seattle and moving to some small, backward crappier town for a year or two as I save my money and increase my web programming skills and try to launch a new business. I may consider moving to B'Ham or Tennessee. I need to live in a cheaper place without State Tax. Yeah, Seattle probably has way more for dating options. B'Ham is close to Vancouver, BC , but a hassle getting through the border. I agree my attitude is not pristine, I work long hours and don't have a group of friends or really tons of free time to figure out how to socialize here. Sometimes, I get pretty lonely, but despite my loneliness I will not end up being betaized and become some woman's slave or b*tch.. It goes against my conscious and any alpha woman doesn't want to spend too much time with me as I am oblivious to being beta'ed. I have to agree that almost every woman in the past I have tried to get into a serious monogamous relationship with ended up jumping ship from me when she saw I would not conform to being the submissive alpha (Unicorn Man) you mention. In fact, many women are petrified of my demands of submission, even if they claim to be religious. Only, Indian, Islamic and Ultra Orthodox Jewish (like Charedim) women I met would totally respect a man's need to dominate over the woman, even if it requires physical discipline. I've actually never been a fan of Eastern European, East Asian (SE, Chinese, etc) or even Latin women. Latina women are psychotically monogamous, I can see your qualms with them. I'm a Russian Jew and do know the downfalls of Russians. Russian women are more polite and attractive, but covertly feminsitic and independent. The 60%+ divorce rate in Eastern European countries can attest to their success in matrimony. However, some more remote parts of Eastern Europe do still have very traditional cultures that more mimic Eastern countries than European. Great Article about the Unicorn woman! It was as eye-opening, insightful as it was disconcerting. Yes, perhaps I am looking for the Unicorn woman.. No, I am!! I still am convinced she may exist, but not in the context of the Western Fantasy Princess that many Western men grow up being brainwashed to believe in. I am not against rules, decrees and laws that force both men and women to behave. Indeed, I know humans are corruptible and know any woman I meet will be corruptible. It's human nature. Whereas, you embrace it as an OLTR, I prefer to embrace it as a sacrificial relationship. It is one where if you refuse to follow the rules (religious laws), there is no concessions, "marriage ends". Indeed, a traditional religious marriage revolves around the mindset that, "You are Corrupted, So Am I", we must live under strict set of rules or we WILL go astray. There is no such thing as Unicorns, there is only adherence to rules and regulations. BD, I respect your way of life. Not everyone can adhere to religion, but we all adhere to principles. Your whole website promotes a good set of principles for most men to follow. I believe your writings really hits home with me and touches on many of the principles of sexual, romantic and conjugal interactions in the context of our modern society. So many people are dumbfounded and mystified by the opposite gender and you basically lay it out as a science. I wish they would publish some of your posts in Psychology or Sociology books. However, we are programmed to think a different way in our society (and modern Western world).
epi 2016-04-20 15:33:09
Speaking of dieting, I think that grains (as long as they're whole) and potatoes are your friend. One can go overboard with dieting and screw up hormones or lose muscle. It might pay to watch stress with an HRV app (HRV4Training can be used with a finger) or the amount of fat with skin calipers. This bodybuilder Scooby on youtube recommends going no lower than 75% of the calories one burns to keep the muscle.
Logun 2016-06-04 23:33:34
Hello MR BD . Am on POF I've spoken to a lot of women i have got phone numbers about 15 . I have also tried to get a date within 4, 5 or 6 exchanges of messages online but I have only meet 1 woman NO SEX . I don't know what I'm doing wrong from your knowledge & experience what do you think I may be doing wrong ? I'm not getting actual sex all is happening is Talk Talk Talk with different girls
Blackdragon 2016-06-05 11:46:36
Stop trying to get phone numbers and start focusing on scheduling dates. I rarely ask for a phone number from a woman online until I have a date scheduled with her first. It's less threatening to a woman to schedule a date online vs. giving a guy her phone number online. Unless you're over 10 years older than her, all she needs is 2-3 exchanges, then date pitch. If she balks, move on. You're spending too much time talking to women online who never want to actually meet up with you in real life.
joelsuf 2016-06-05 18:16:11
Unless you’re over 10 years older than her, all she needs is 2-3 exchanges, then date pitch.Why the difference in strategy for the age difference? Is it to establish more trust? I mean it is accurate, but how many exchanges do you suggest if you are indeed a decade older? 6 or so? I'm currently trying to get a chick 11 years younger than me out, I think I may have made a mistake by pitching the date too early.
Blackdragon 2016-06-06 09:59:24
Yep, to establish more trust. When there's a 10+ year age difference you often need a longer conversation over messaging, IM, or texting before she's comfortable scheduling a meet with you, particularly if she's under the age of 23. There is no specific number of exchanges for this. Just carry on a fun convo for 5-15 minutes, then pitch.
Ed 2017-02-12 15:13:03
I'm 19 and still live at home with family. I've planned with a couple women to meet up with separately after getting my car, but how would you go about taking them home without them meeting any of your family? Slight awkwardness aside, I wouldn't want any woman to meet them as it would more importantly damage my frame
Blackdragon 2017-02-13 17:39:03
I’m 19 and still live at home with family. I’ve planned with a couple women to meet up with separately after getting my car, but how would you go about taking them home without them meeting any of your family?1. Coordinate with your parent's schedules to have women come over when your parents are gone. 2. Negotiate with your parents to try to get them out of the house more often. ("Hey guys, you need a night out. Date night, ya know?") 3. Negotiate with a friend who does not live with his parents to use his place. 4. Borrow a friend's truck or van. 5. Go to the girl's place, if that's an option. Teenagers living at home with parents have been having sex for about 70 years at least. It's a hassle, but there's always a way.
paternitytester 2018-05-14 14:04:24
Blackdragon, I'm a man in early 20s, I have trouble with executing approaching as I fear women and get completely paralyzed when I'm about to approach. The only viable game for me is daygame because I still live in a small city, but I have extraordinary anxiety just before the approach and in 30/30 cases I just don't approach; I'm a more emotional guy so my game books of choice were Manson's Models and Anton's The Manual, both of which focus more on the direct game/honest game, which resonate with me. This happens regardless of the fact that I currently have 1 MLTR and 1 FB (MLTR I've met long time ago, FB only recently but online). Obviously I want to learn game because right now my ability to meet new women is zero in reliability. It seems like if I am not sure that the woman likes me or noticed me, I get anxiety that's been impossible for me to overcome so far - I've been working on this for months, for the past few weeks I've been going out for a walk around the city almost every day yet I couldn't approach for shit. This makes me depressed in turn. So far people have been like "just do it", but it doesn't work for me. I've been doing the whole "talk to everyone" thing recently to get comfortable with talking to strangers, but eventually when it comes to approaching a woman that's attractive for me, the problem remains. I have no idea what to do. Do you have any advice for me? PS: Thank you for your blog and your book. You've been a life-changer for me for the past year.