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-By Caleb Jones
There was a comment in a recent post about serial monogamy that stuck in my mind for a long time. It was made by FudgeMan, and here are the highlights:
This anger bothers me. I don't think it's constructive or helpful. The problem is, I have to admit FudgeMan and guys with similar arguments do have a point. While I want to say that it isn't true at all, that it's just as easy to have sex with a pretty, high quality girl (and keep her with you for an extended period of time) as it was 25 or 50 years ago, even I have to admit the sad reality is there is indeed a lot of truths in the above argument.
Defining The Problem
Indeed, with things like Facebook, YouTube, OKCupid, Instagram, Twitter, Ask.Fm, and a slew of other social media outlets, there are all kinds of ways even an average-looking woman can get hordes of beta males to slather them with adoring attention, whenever they want, wherever they are, within mere seconds. These avenues didn't exist 25 years ago. Back then, if a cute girl wanted men to tell her how pretty she was, she actually had to get dressed up, get out of the house, go somewhere, and interact with men in a very real way.
Today, she can just whip out her phone while she's taking a dump in the bathroom and make a post on Facebook like the one below. This is a real post I saw on my Facebook feed one day by a young attractive woman:
Scrolling down, I saw mountains of follow-up comments from horny betas like:
And on and on. To be fair, there were some not-so-positive comments as well, but the slobbering positive ones outweighed the negative ones by about five to one. So yes, this is a very serious problem with strong implications that indeed negatively affect the women you meet in a very real way. This isn't just with young hot girls either. One of the reasons women over age 33 reject Alphas their age so quickly is because they know there's a line of betas standing outside their door ready to obey whatever silly ASD-based dating rules they have. So why should they have to put up with you?
One of the reasons there is so much anger against beta males in the manosphere is because of the great damage betas do to all men by behaving this way with women. Because of their lack of outcome independent Alpha Male traits, they end up "pedestalizing" women even worse than before, making dating and relationships more difficult not only for them, but for us Alphas as well.
The second part of the argument is where things get more complicated. This is the argument that today in America (or the Western world), women are more promiscuous now "than ever" and that we are the most non-slut-shamey culture "in history".
This is false. This statement is often made by men who apparently have not read as much history as I have, or who are thinking about the 1950s but not going any further back in time than that particular decade.
It was extremely easy for men, even for non-Alpha married men, to get laid during the pre-Constantine Roman Empire. They could fuck other women, including prostitutes, and their wives/girlfriends/lovers could care less as long as the bills were paid and/or other promises were kept. In medieval France under the Merovingians, it was socially accepted for even Catholic priests and bishops to have four or five concubines. Cantonese cultures have been very happy with wide-open relationships and marriages all the way up until the late 1970s. And let's not even start with widespread polyamory in African cultures, both historical and contemporary.
I could go on and on with historical examples, and I will expand on this in a future post, but the point is because of ASD, political correctness, the rise of left-liberalism, and the mutated version of feminism now embraced by some women, modern-day society is quite anti-sex in many ways as compared to historical times, as I've clearly demonstrated before on this blog.
Where these guys do have a point is when they compare the 21st century to more traditional times, such as the 1950s or the 1800s. True, women are far more promiscuous in a socially accepted way than in those eras. And yes, I agree that this can and will increase the difficultly level for both Alphas and betas in regard to dating women and having long-lasting relationships.
The Solution...Of Sorts
Therefore, I do grudgingly agree with FudgeMan's point even though I have a lot of caveats to my agreement. The onslaught of betas plus heightened sexual availability for women as opposed to more conservative eras does create a new challenge for all of us.
I'm now going to tell you why none of this matters. Hopefully by the end of this post, you'll be thinking about this condition in an entirely new way.
If the problems listed above make it more difficult for you and I to go out into the real world, have sex with women quickly, and keep the quality women in our lives for a long time, the first question is: How much more difficult is it?
Answer this question:
How much more difficult is it for a 21st century Alpha Male to snag a hot, high-quality woman, and (if he wants) to keep her around for a long time, as opposed to an Alpha of equivalent attractiveness and ability back in 1986?
I was alive and post-pubescent in 1986 (it was the year I started high school) so I'll use that as a comparison point. Back in '86 there was no internet, no cell phones (at least not really), and no social media. While the 80s were no where near as conservative as the 50s (plenty of young unmarried people were getting laid in the 80s, believe me), I do admit that things like divorce rates were much lower, teen pregnancies were much more rare and unusual, BF/GF relationships tended to last longer, and the culture was more Reagan and Schwarzenegger than Hillary Clinton and Tina Fey.
So is it 15% harder now? 30% harder? 50% harder? More?
I don't know, and neither do you. I'm going to randomly pull a number out of my ass just for demonstration purposes and say that it's 25% harder. I have no idea if that figure is accurate or not (and neither do you), but as I'm about to demonstrate, the actual number is irrelevant. Just indulge me and go with the 25% figure for a minute, which I fully concede may be way off (be it too high or too low).
This means that you, the Alpha (or aspiring Alpha) have to work 25% harder than that 1986 Alpha to get the equivalent results he gleaned in terms of dating, seduction, and relationships. This means you'll have to improve by 25%.
Is that fair? No. It sucks. But there's more to the story.
Let's say I told you that the Alpha Male traits you'd have to assume or improve by 25% would also help you in every other area of masculine life.
Because it's true. If you need to work 25% harder, improve yourself 25% more, in order to overcome the realities of the era we live in, that extra 25% are all things you should be doing anyway. Not to get or keep women, but to be a better and happier man.
Specifically I'm taking about four Alpha Male traits you'll have to acquire or improve in order to break through the white noise of slobbering beta males and women who have easier sexual access to men. They are listed in no particular order.
1. Improving Your Physical Appearance
Way too many guys complain that American women "only like muscular guys now". This is a wild oversimplification of course, since when I was a chubby bastard I was doing just fine (though I had to put in a lot more numbers than a ripped guy; I describe the difference here).
Regardless, clearly more lean, muscular guys have an advantage over skinny or chubby guys. Well then, dammit, guess what the answer is? Get more lean and muscular. If it takes you three or four years, it takes three or four years.
The point is, you should do this anyway, regardless of what you want to accomplish in the woman-side of your life. The more lean and muscular you are, the happier you'll be, the more confident you'll feel (in all other areas of life, like your social and business life), the longer you'll live, the more energy you'll have, and the less medical problems you'll have as you age.
I've lost a lot of weight, but do you really think the only reason I did it was to get chicks? I'll concede that was one of the factors, but the biggest reason was that I have diabetes in my family tree, and if I stayed chubby into my 40s I'd probably get type 2 diabetes pretty damn fast. No thank you. That is the number one reason I started busting my ass a few years ago and embarked on the very frustrating journey (at least for me) to lose the weight.
The fact women like my slowly improving body is just an extra bonus.
2. Improving Your Personal Appearance
"Personal appearance" in this context applies to your stance, bearing, grooming, tone of voice, and fashion. If you're lacking in any of those areas, you need to improve. Then the woman-side of your life will get easier. But women aside, you should do this anyway. There's a very noticeable and very real boost in confidence when you are dressed really nice (or cool), and carry yourself with better posture and body language. Hundreds of studies over many decades have proven this to be true.
Even if you never planned on having sex for the rest of your life, you should still optimize your personal appearance. There are so many benefits it brings to you that have nothing whatsoever to do with women.
3. Improving Your Interpersonal People Skills
If you need to improve your people skills by 25% to get more women, then get to work and do it. Read the books. Interact with more people. Spend a little more time out of your social comfort zone. Do some public speaking. Whatever.
But you should all do this anyway. Increased people skills has huge applications for your overall happiness in life and your income. My income shot way up when I really started focusing on improving my people skills around my mid-20s. I was honestly shocked at what a difference it made.
4. Live A More Exciting and/or Interesting Life
Having a cool life makes you more attractive to women. It also boosts your confidence around women. So if your life sucks, or is boring, improve! But dammit, you should do this anyway. You'll be way happier as a man if you're doing cool, interesting, unusual things, rather than sitting at home playing Call of Duty or wasting time at the bar with your buddies.
And don't give me this "but I can't afford to do cool things" stuff. What a stupid excuse. Most of the men I have met who have done the most interesting, exciting things with their lives were lower-income dudes. Stop the excuses. Live an amazing life!
The Bottom Line
Let me be clear:
Do you see why all this negativity about "more slutty women" or "more needy beta males" doesn't bother me as much as it does other guys? Because these conditions give me yet another reason to improve myself as a man. Improving yourself is hard, and you need all the reasons you can get. Therefore I don't look at this as a bad thing.
Instead, I'm thankful I've taken the time (and will continue to take the time and put in the effort) to improve myself as a man. Not only does it result in success with women far beyond the dreams of beta males (and most Alpha Males too!), but completely independent of women, it makes me a happier, healthier, more fulfilled man.
Isn't that a much more productive way to look at this?
BD, it’s really fucking simple. In most of the world, esp in America and places like America ( UK, Canada ) girls who are hot have literally unlimited options. Big cities, social media, and dating websites help fuel the endless army of lower alphas and betas who will kill their entire family just to sniff her pussy. She can get a new guy in under an hour....Over the last week or so I've been thinking about this a lot. A lot of men agree with this position, and there's a lot of anger about it all over manosphere blogs and forums.
Add onto that the fact most guys in America and places like America are huge pussies when it comes to getting ass...This causes her serial monogamy countdown timer to be much shorter than if she was in a world of masculine alpha men who put their mission way above pussy.
Then lastly, the fact society is becoming more forgiving day by day for slutty behavior and you have the last nail in the coffin.
This anger bothers me. I don't think it's constructive or helpful. The problem is, I have to admit FudgeMan and guys with similar arguments do have a point. While I want to say that it isn't true at all, that it's just as easy to have sex with a pretty, high quality girl (and keep her with you for an extended period of time) as it was 25 or 50 years ago, even I have to admit the sad reality is there is indeed a lot of truths in the above argument.
Defining The Problem
Indeed, with things like Facebook, YouTube, OKCupid, Instagram, Twitter, Ask.Fm, and a slew of other social media outlets, there are all kinds of ways even an average-looking woman can get hordes of beta males to slather them with adoring attention, whenever they want, wherever they are, within mere seconds. These avenues didn't exist 25 years ago. Back then, if a cute girl wanted men to tell her how pretty she was, she actually had to get dressed up, get out of the house, go somewhere, and interact with men in a very real way.
Today, she can just whip out her phone while she's taking a dump in the bathroom and make a post on Facebook like the one below. This is a real post I saw on my Facebook feed one day by a young attractive woman:
Everyone should appreciate goodlookin ladys♥It had only been a a few minutes since she had made the post, yet it had already received 45 likes. Most of which were from men. Amazing.
Scrolling down, I saw mountains of follow-up comments from horny betas like:
Guy 1: Smartest thing I've heard all day Guy 2: Amen! Guy 3: Like yourself!
And on and on. To be fair, there were some not-so-positive comments as well, but the slobbering positive ones outweighed the negative ones by about five to one. So yes, this is a very serious problem with strong implications that indeed negatively affect the women you meet in a very real way. This isn't just with young hot girls either. One of the reasons women over age 33 reject Alphas their age so quickly is because they know there's a line of betas standing outside their door ready to obey whatever silly ASD-based dating rules they have. So why should they have to put up with you?
One of the reasons there is so much anger against beta males in the manosphere is because of the great damage betas do to all men by behaving this way with women. Because of their lack of outcome independent Alpha Male traits, they end up "pedestalizing" women even worse than before, making dating and relationships more difficult not only for them, but for us Alphas as well.
The second part of the argument is where things get more complicated. This is the argument that today in America (or the Western world), women are more promiscuous now "than ever" and that we are the most non-slut-shamey culture "in history".
This is false. This statement is often made by men who apparently have not read as much history as I have, or who are thinking about the 1950s but not going any further back in time than that particular decade.
It was extremely easy for men, even for non-Alpha married men, to get laid during the pre-Constantine Roman Empire. They could fuck other women, including prostitutes, and their wives/girlfriends/lovers could care less as long as the bills were paid and/or other promises were kept. In medieval France under the Merovingians, it was socially accepted for even Catholic priests and bishops to have four or five concubines. Cantonese cultures have been very happy with wide-open relationships and marriages all the way up until the late 1970s. And let's not even start with widespread polyamory in African cultures, both historical and contemporary.
I could go on and on with historical examples, and I will expand on this in a future post, but the point is because of ASD, political correctness, the rise of left-liberalism, and the mutated version of feminism now embraced by some women, modern-day society is quite anti-sex in many ways as compared to historical times, as I've clearly demonstrated before on this blog.
Where these guys do have a point is when they compare the 21st century to more traditional times, such as the 1950s or the 1800s. True, women are far more promiscuous in a socially accepted way than in those eras. And yes, I agree that this can and will increase the difficultly level for both Alphas and betas in regard to dating women and having long-lasting relationships.
The Solution...Of Sorts
Therefore, I do grudgingly agree with FudgeMan's point even though I have a lot of caveats to my agreement. The onslaught of betas plus heightened sexual availability for women as opposed to more conservative eras does create a new challenge for all of us.
I'm now going to tell you why none of this matters. Hopefully by the end of this post, you'll be thinking about this condition in an entirely new way.
If the problems listed above make it more difficult for you and I to go out into the real world, have sex with women quickly, and keep the quality women in our lives for a long time, the first question is: How much more difficult is it?
Answer this question:
How much more difficult is it for a 21st century Alpha Male to snag a hot, high-quality woman, and (if he wants) to keep her around for a long time, as opposed to an Alpha of equivalent attractiveness and ability back in 1986?
I was alive and post-pubescent in 1986 (it was the year I started high school) so I'll use that as a comparison point. Back in '86 there was no internet, no cell phones (at least not really), and no social media. While the 80s were no where near as conservative as the 50s (plenty of young unmarried people were getting laid in the 80s, believe me), I do admit that things like divorce rates were much lower, teen pregnancies were much more rare and unusual, BF/GF relationships tended to last longer, and the culture was more Reagan and Schwarzenegger than Hillary Clinton and Tina Fey.
So is it 15% harder now? 30% harder? 50% harder? More?
I don't know, and neither do you. I'm going to randomly pull a number out of my ass just for demonstration purposes and say that it's 25% harder. I have no idea if that figure is accurate or not (and neither do you), but as I'm about to demonstrate, the actual number is irrelevant. Just indulge me and go with the 25% figure for a minute, which I fully concede may be way off (be it too high or too low).
This means that you, the Alpha (or aspiring Alpha) have to work 25% harder than that 1986 Alpha to get the equivalent results he gleaned in terms of dating, seduction, and relationships. This means you'll have to improve by 25%.
Is that fair? No. It sucks. But there's more to the story.
Let's say I told you that the Alpha Male traits you'd have to assume or improve by 25% would also help you in every other area of masculine life.
Because it's true. If you need to work 25% harder, improve yourself 25% more, in order to overcome the realities of the era we live in, that extra 25% are all things you should be doing anyway. Not to get or keep women, but to be a better and happier man.
Specifically I'm taking about four Alpha Male traits you'll have to acquire or improve in order to break through the white noise of slobbering beta males and women who have easier sexual access to men. They are listed in no particular order.
1. Improving Your Physical Appearance
Way too many guys complain that American women "only like muscular guys now". This is a wild oversimplification of course, since when I was a chubby bastard I was doing just fine (though I had to put in a lot more numbers than a ripped guy; I describe the difference here).
Regardless, clearly more lean, muscular guys have an advantage over skinny or chubby guys. Well then, dammit, guess what the answer is? Get more lean and muscular. If it takes you three or four years, it takes three or four years.
The point is, you should do this anyway, regardless of what you want to accomplish in the woman-side of your life. The more lean and muscular you are, the happier you'll be, the more confident you'll feel (in all other areas of life, like your social and business life), the longer you'll live, the more energy you'll have, and the less medical problems you'll have as you age.
I've lost a lot of weight, but do you really think the only reason I did it was to get chicks? I'll concede that was one of the factors, but the biggest reason was that I have diabetes in my family tree, and if I stayed chubby into my 40s I'd probably get type 2 diabetes pretty damn fast. No thank you. That is the number one reason I started busting my ass a few years ago and embarked on the very frustrating journey (at least for me) to lose the weight.
The fact women like my slowly improving body is just an extra bonus.
2. Improving Your Personal Appearance
"Personal appearance" in this context applies to your stance, bearing, grooming, tone of voice, and fashion. If you're lacking in any of those areas, you need to improve. Then the woman-side of your life will get easier. But women aside, you should do this anyway. There's a very noticeable and very real boost in confidence when you are dressed really nice (or cool), and carry yourself with better posture and body language. Hundreds of studies over many decades have proven this to be true.
Even if you never planned on having sex for the rest of your life, you should still optimize your personal appearance. There are so many benefits it brings to you that have nothing whatsoever to do with women.
3. Improving Your Interpersonal People Skills
If you need to improve your people skills by 25% to get more women, then get to work and do it. Read the books. Interact with more people. Spend a little more time out of your social comfort zone. Do some public speaking. Whatever.
But you should all do this anyway. Increased people skills has huge applications for your overall happiness in life and your income. My income shot way up when I really started focusing on improving my people skills around my mid-20s. I was honestly shocked at what a difference it made.
4. Live A More Exciting and/or Interesting Life
Having a cool life makes you more attractive to women. It also boosts your confidence around women. So if your life sucks, or is boring, improve! But dammit, you should do this anyway. You'll be way happier as a man if you're doing cool, interesting, unusual things, rather than sitting at home playing Call of Duty or wasting time at the bar with your buddies.
And don't give me this "but I can't afford to do cool things" stuff. What a stupid excuse. Most of the men I have met who have done the most interesting, exciting things with their lives were lower-income dudes. Stop the excuses. Live an amazing life!
The Bottom Line
Let me be clear:
- Yes, it's harder to get and keep quality women than it was in years past. While it's not nearly as bad as you think, I do concede it's a little harder.
- You must be a better man in order to get these women nowadays.
- You should be this "better man" anyway, irrespective of what you want from women.
Do you see why all this negativity about "more slutty women" or "more needy beta males" doesn't bother me as much as it does other guys? Because these conditions give me yet another reason to improve myself as a man. Improving yourself is hard, and you need all the reasons you can get. Therefore I don't look at this as a bad thing.
Instead, I'm thankful I've taken the time (and will continue to take the time and put in the effort) to improve myself as a man. Not only does it result in success with women far beyond the dreams of beta males (and most Alpha Males too!), but completely independent of women, it makes me a happier, healthier, more fulfilled man.
Isn't that a much more productive way to look at this?
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