Why It’s So Important To Ignore Her After A Breakup

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Why It’s So Important To Ignore Her After A Breakup

Sometimes the most powerful and effective relationship advice is that which is hardest to follow. Soft nexting is a good example of this. It's the most powerful weapon you have in your relationship arsenal; nuclear-strength in fact. However many of you are not going to have the courage to ever try it, either because you fear it or because it opposes your Societal Programming so starkly that you can't imagine it working.

-By Caleb Jones

Today I'm going to discuss another extremely powerful, simple-to-do-but-hard-to-mentally-accept technique that will change your life if you get it and practice it. I'm going to tell you how to ensure an ex comes back to you after she breaks up with you, nexts you, LSNFTEs you, or otherwise leaves you. I have used this technique bazillions of times on scores of women with success rates as high as 94%. It works like a clock, IF you have the balls and self-control to do it, and many of you will not.

Ready? Here it is:
Completely ignore her for at least four months.

That's it. Just ignore her. Don't text her. Don't call her. Don't email her. Don't Facebook her. Don't "like" or comment on anything she posts on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or anything else. Completely vanish out of her life, like you were never there.

This is, of course, the exact opposite of what you'll want to do. You'll want to keep texting, calling, commenting, or whatever to try to "get her back." When a woman dumps your ass, your oneitis, scarcity mentality, and righteous male need for "respect" will all flare up at the same time. You'll want to contact her, often.

The problem is this is exactly what further turns her off. If you keep contacting her, her attraction for you decreases. If you want to fuck her again, you don't want her attraction decreasing, do you?

Completely ignoring her ensures her attraction for you doesn't go down. It either stays the same or, over time, increases. This goes double if she's dumped you for another guy. If she's with her new exciting NRE boyfriend, and you keep contacting her like a little puppy, her attraction for you goes into the toilet. And it's your fault.

This is exactly why I have a FB / MLTR return rate of 94%. And by the way, that's not a guess. That's a real number pulled directly from my spreadsheets. 94% of every woman I've had sex with more than twice has returned to my sex life after leaving me. Sometimes it takes a few weeks for them to come back, sometimes it takes several years. This includes women who leave me and move in with, marry, or have kids with another man. Doesn't matter to me; I let women do whatever they want, I'm having sex with other women anyway, and I know they'll always come back.

Frankly, even that 94% is conservative, since many of the women in the other 6% are ones who move far away and never move back. So if you don't count those, my return rate is damn near 100%.
How do I do it? There are many reasons, since I use all the correct relationship techniques.  But if I had to pick just one of them it would be this: when a woman leaves me, I do the exact opposite of what other men do. I completely vanish out of her life and ignore her for many months. "Many" is at least four, often six to eight months. (Consider four a minimum.) During that time I just go have sex with my other FBs / MLTRs and focus on my work and my Mission. I know there's a 94% chance she'll be back at some point, so I don't worry about it.
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Two questions I often get about this:

1. Can you contact her after four months? What do you say?

After about 4-6 months, if I need to add some FBs or MLTRs on rotation, I will check her out as best I can without contacting her (via Facebook, Twitter, or any other social media she's on), and see if she has a New Boyfriend. If she's single or has an Old Boyfriend, then I will send her a quickie text with a casual comment like, "I just saw a girl walk down the street who looked just like you." Sometimes I even just say, "How's it going?"
It doesn't really matter what you say, as long as you are non-needy, outcome independent, and don't compliment her.

What if my quick checking reveals she does have a New Boyfriend? No problem. I just reset the timer and keep on ignoring her for another 4-6 months. Then I might check again. Hitting up an ex who has a New Boyfriend is a complete and utter waste of your time. She's in NRE bilss with her New (temporary) Boyfriend so she probably won't even return your texts.

Just wait until she dumps his ass (which she will), or worst case, wait until New Boyfriend becomes Old Boyfriend. Women rarely cheat on New Boyfriends, but women cheat on Old Boyfriends all the time.

2. What happens if she contacts you first?
If she contacts you first, completely out of the blue, then it's okay to respond even if it's well before four months. This is likely a indicator of interest, and is often a good sign.

Respond to her in a casual, non-needy, outcome independent way. Feel her out and find out why she's contacting you. If she's contacting you for a purely logistical reason, like she wants her leather jacket she left at your house for a date with her New Boyfriend on Saturday, then robotically address the logistics as fast as you possibly can and then terminate the conversation as fast as possible. Then start the four-month ignore timer all over again.

If she's contacting you because she's bored or just wants to talk, this is great news. Suggest she comes over to your place and proceed as normal into her pants. If you get serious resistance to the idea of her coming over or seeing you, terminate the conversation as fast as you can and reset the four-month ignore timer again.

Eventually, if you do this as I'm describing, you will have sex with her again. It's virtually guaranteed assuming A) you do it correctly, B) you're in no rush, and C) you weren't a oneitisy pussy or extreme asshole while you were dating her the first time around.

Or, you can ignore my advice and keep contacting her over and over again to "be nice" or "maintain the connection" or "keep the interest up" or to "try to get her back." All of this will ensure you'll be stuck in friend zone forever and never get her back into your sex life.
Up to you.

Note/Update: I am no longer responding to any comments on this post. No, your situation is not "unique" or "different." It's the exact same steps for every scenario. Way too many of you are being complete pussies and not following the very clear and simple advice you've been given. Maybe other commenters can help you here, but I won't.

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This article was originally published on October 12, 2014

Comments


  • funfunfun 2014-10-12 09:45:47

    This is the correct advice. It's not really debatable (well, I guess the 4-month mark is, which is give or take, depending on the circumstances) if you want to be romantically involved with her again.

  • anon 2014-10-12 10:53:26

    This is right you MUST stay no contact. Although when it comes to relationships don't expect a recycle to be any different. People don't change and you'll find you will both go down the same path and she will end up leaving you again. Recycled paper = good. Recycled relationships = bad.

  • Dawson Stone 2014-10-12 12:59:30

    I call the women that come back "boomerangs." My longest so far is an 8 year boomerang but 2 and 3 year boomerangs are common. The advice here is accurate but I would add a couple of things. First and foremost HOW you let things end is super important. NEVER EVER EVER be even a tiny bit emotionally punishing. I don't care if she no call/no showed for your last meeting or sent you the nastiest break-up text ever. Take emotions out of it and simply be nonchalant. Girl: This just isn't working for me. You: I totally understand. I have really enjoyed our time together and best of luck to you. OR Girl: You are such a selfish asshole. You get what you want and I don't get what I want. You: I am really sorry you feel that way. I have really enjoyed our time together and best of luck to you. OR Girl: War and Peace length text about blah blah blah You: It sounds as if you aren't happy and I totally understand your point of view. I have really enjoyed our time together and best of luck to you. Well you get the idea. The other place I slightly disagree is I never text them first. Not after four month. Not after four years. They have to text me or I don't bother. If your pipeline is being managed well there is no reason to go for a re-tread unless she comes to you.

  • Diggy 2014-10-12 16:00:49

    "It’s the most powerful weapon you have in your relationship arsenal; nuclear-strength in fact." 100% on board with this and have had it happen many many times... Twice as powerful if there is a social network or FB obviously that allows her to see you instantly ok with it without you pointing it out for her.

  • Blackdragon 2014-10-12 16:27:16

    Twice as powerful if there is a social network or FB obviously that allows her to see you instantly ok with it without you pointing it out for her.
    Yes! Social media is such a critical tool for resurrecting these women.

  • Hawkann 2014-10-13 03:39:33

    Very good post. I moved away from one of my mltrs around 2 months ago, I have visited twice since. I live about 3 hours away. So now we don't see eachother very frequently, however should I go no contact with her? because if we can't meet and we communicate that is surely damaging my chances for future hook-ups? Do I contact her once a week? or less frequent. She said she plans to visit me in about a month or so. The last time I was in her area we hooked up also. I've been seeing her for about 6 months consistantly now. Perhaps you could so a pot on long distance fbs/mltr relationships.

  • Blackdragon 2014-10-13 10:40:52

    I moved away from one of my mltrs around 2 months ago
    The rules are different for long-distance women. This is not a soft next or LSNFTE situation. She didn't leave you for another guy or because she was pissed; you left her because you moved away. So nothing in the above article applies to you. Yeah, a post on long-distance women is probably a good idea.

  • Greg 2014-10-13 14:44:17

    "...if you do this as I’m describing, you will have sex with her again. It’s virtually guaranteed assuming A) you do it correctly, B) you’re in no rush, and C) you weren’t a oneitisy pussy or extreme asshole while you were dating her the first time around." I think there should be a link to your 'always make her cum' post in there somewhere 😉 What would you think your return rate would be if you didn't provide such quality sexual services during your relationships?

  • Rancor 2014-10-13 18:03:45

    This blog is further evidence that libertarians are right about pretty much everything – government, economics, relationships, whatever. I still harbor a suspicion though that females in nature would prefer to date multiple men simultaneously. But since society doesn’t let them do this they’re stuck with the rapid serial monogamy strategy as the closest approximation.

  • Diggy 2014-10-13 19:11:28

    "I still harbor a suspicion though that females in nature would prefer to date multiple men simultaneously. But since society doesn’t let them do this they’re stuck with the rapid serial monogamy strategy as the closest approximation." Scientists have speculated that the shape of the male penis directly indicates that its function first is to pull out or remove any other seaman in the vagina before his own ejaculation. Therefore giving him a greater chance of his genetic code spreading forward. It would seem that men and women evolved with the idea that women had multiple "lovers" in close proximity. I love it when science backs up an idea I have been having!

  • Tim 2014-10-13 19:13:13

    So you're saying as long as she's contacting you it's okay to respond, but never initiate any contact with her? My ex, who has a new boyfriend of a few months, keeps texting me to keep in touch. 100% initiated by her over the last few months. I usually reply in a simple manner, but never let the conversation go anywhere.

  • Rancor 2014-10-13 21:55:25

    @Diggy I read that also - it's definitely suggestive.

  • POB 2014-10-15 07:15:31

    @Dawson Stone Felt the boomerang effect over the years but never could come up with a name for it. THX. @Tim You're right on the money dude! She's just checking on you to see if you're banging someone new. Just keep her in the dark. @BD Please do a long-distance women post ASAP!

  • Tim 2014-10-15 11:17:14

    @POB Haha come to think of it, she did text me about a month ago and ask me if I was seeing anyone new. Thanks.

  • Blackdragon 2014-10-15 21:38:39

    What would you think your return rate would be if you didn’t provide such quality sexual services during your relationships?
    That's a damn good question. I'm really not sure. My guess would be at least a 35% reduction in relationship retention and returns.
    So you’re saying as long as she’s contacting you it’s okay to respond, but never initiate any contact with her?
    More or less, yes. But I wouldn't keep responding if she refuses to meet up in real life (and fuck).
    My ex, who has a new boyfriend of a few months, keeps texting me to keep in touch. 100% initiated by her over the last few months. I usually reply in a simple manner, but never let the conversation go anywhere.
    Don't just talk! You must PITCH A REAL-LIFE MEET. If you do and she refuses, start ignoring her for at least two months. If you keep responding to her over and over again with no sex, that's friend zone shit. Don't do it!
    Please do a long-distance women post ASAP!
    I will, but you will not like what I have to say about it...

  • POB 2014-10-16 04:13:39

    @Tim Hahaha, I knew it!!! Women (usually) are not a 5000 piece puzzle as most guys state. In fact once you date several of them you'll start to see a pattern and expect some behavioral traits to emerge. The key here is self-control. Once you get a hang of it you'll be irresistible to them! BDs advice is damn right!!! If you really want to bang her pitch a date and escalate as fast as possible to sex. Don't talk much and please don't discuss the "relationship". Remember, there's nothing more between the two of you. Treat her as a FB. She'll love it and feel really attracted to the "new" you, believe me. And please don't be a pussy and get back with her. Been down that road myself and it's not pretty. @BD Don't know about the other guys here...I want nothing but the truth.

  • Tim 2014-10-16 04:52:53

    @POB Solid advice. I actually ended up blocking her # because she wouldn't stop texting me, even though I told her to stop. I did pitch a real life meet once, she refused. So I'm going to keep her BLOCKED for at least a month. I don't want her back, I just want to get my hands on those DDD's a couple more times haha.

  • AC 2014-10-16 05:52:39

    Hi BD. Long story short. Broke up with 6 month ex in anger (went with gut) She slept with an ex FB within a week, while we were on a break. I know I made tons of mistakes here because I couldn't control my emotions. When she told me I cut her off completely for 2 months, in which she contacted me 8 times. I replied a month back and invited her over she suggested a Thursday but I was busy. So I said Sunday, Sunday came so I txted her and said come over tonight, she said she'd let me know and didn't. I cut contact again, and she's contacted me 3 times since even though she's seeing a new guy. What's the best thing to do now?

  • Dawson Stone 2014-10-16 06:33:21

    @AC What is the goal? To have sex with her again or to be back in a relationship with her again? If the former, when she texts you escalate immediately to logistics to have sex but double book with someone else so you don't care if she flakes or not and if she flakes don't give her a hard time about it (assuming you want to have sex with her again sometime down the road). And if you are working logistics, make it fairly immediate. That night or next night at the latest to re-close her. The fact that you know who she is seeing/fucking is a problem in and of itself. Waste of your time and energy and super beta behavior. She's seeing a new guy I can't why you would waste a minute of your time unless she is literally mounting your dick. If you want to get back into a relationship with her you should have your head examined. See a therapist or get a dog.

  • Javier 2014-10-16 06:59:40

    I was doing a period of no contact, to work on myself and become the attractive me again and give her room to miss me. After about 3 weeks she sent me some snapchats saying she was hoping I was okay (checking up on me?) and that she heard I went to a party (realizing I wasnt at home depressed?). Then she send another a couple days later that she feels empty without me/US (misses me?). I kept it cool and casual and didnt act needy and start chasing her. Now in about a week a NC period of 30 days will have passed, which I feel is enough since she has already shown signs of interest. Im at a crossroads, Black Dragon. How should I proceed? What should I do? Or What would you do? I want to get her back and I feel like thats possible now, I just need the blueprint so to speak. Thank You BD!! (Feedback from anyone is open and appreciated)

  • AC 2014-10-16 07:48:34

    @dawson The trouble was it really fucked me up when she did that - it broke my heart (pure beta). But it was a big eye opener and took a way a lot of my naïveté regarding my expectations of women/relationships. I wasn't happy in the relationship and she was pyscho but I wouldn't want to get back with her now because of her issues, so just after sex. The only thing is I don't want to keep giving her the choice to come over for her to continually reject it etc. what do you think? You are right, I just find it weird she won't stop contacting me.

  • Oscar 2014-10-16 09:12:13

    She cheated on me an year and begged me to take her back saying she would do anything to make it work again so I took her back. A year after she moved out but before that gave me hard time giving me every reason to kick her out. I went no contact for 5 weeks and texted her to meet me again where she told me she is already with someone else and we could never be together again. I reminded her of how I gave her a chance but she doesn't want to give me a chance. Since then i sent her a few dont care and needy texts and cried too. I guess she will never be contqcting to meet or fuck again...though id like to keep her as a fb. .but i couldn't control ny emotions.

  • Blackdragon 2014-10-16 10:23:21

    @AC You do exactly what I said. Respond to her the next time she contacts you. Chit-chat for just a few minutes, then PITCH A MEET. If she says no, ignore everything she says for 2 months. Then rinse and repeat. The fact she has a BF is completely irrelevant if she's contacting you like that. @Javier 1. Stop being a needy pussy. "I want to get her back" is the exact wrong attitude. You should be fucking at least two other women right now so you shouldn't even care. Consider her coming back a pleasant bonus, not something you "want." 2. You do exactly what I said. Do NOT contact her. If she contacts you first, respond to her. Chit-chat for just a few minutes, then PITCH A MEET. If she says no, ignore everything she says for 2 months. Rinse and repeat.

  • Blackdragon 2014-10-16 10:29:21

    Let me explain something to some of you guys. Many of you are asking "but what if this, what if that?" None of that crap matters. You just do what I said in the article above; it covers all of these scenarios. 1. Do not contact her first for at least four months. Longer is better. 2. If, and only if, she contacts you first, respond to her and chit-chat for a bit then PITCH A MEET. 3. If she agrees, go for it and fuck her. If she says no, nicely end the conversation and now start IGNORING HER for at least 2 months. That means you do NOT respond to her if she contacts you, and you certainly don't initiate contact. (It's a variation of a soft next.) 4. Always be fucking other hot women so you don't get needy or start missing her. Read my oneitis article if you need to. 5. Go back to step 2 and repeat from there. It does NOT matter if she has a boyfriend. It does NOT matter how you broke up. It does NOT matter what she says when she texts you. Just calm down and do the above procedure as written. It's been massively field tested and works like a charm.

  • AC 2014-10-16 11:21:48

    Hi BD, Thank you! As for fucking two girls at any one time, it seems like a dream/impossibility to me? Though I did have 3 dates 3 days in a row a month ago. I really struggle with it, but it doesn't help that I only hit the club each Friday. When I'm out I'm direct and approach any girl I find hot, usually get make outs but find it hard to take them home. I've been told I act like a bit of a player. I'm not a bad looking guy by any stretch, dress well, and I hit the gym. And vibe well with girls. But I'm still not getting the results I want, do you have any advice for this?

  • Tim 2014-10-16 14:31:36

    Thanks BD. Like I said above I ended up blocking my ex because I told her 3 times to stop texting me. Same as ignoring her but I just don't have to look at the texts. I'll probably unblock her after 8 weeks or so. If she contacts me I'll suggest we meet up. Appreciate the advice.

  • Dawson Stone 2014-10-16 20:00:14

    @AC If you really had strong feelings for this girl my honest advice is why go back even for sex? The best way to get over someone is time. The more time the less pain. I know of what I speak: There are a million reasons why she might be contacting you and it isn't weird at all. It is weirder (way weirder when they don't). It is irrelevant why she contacts you anyway. Maybe she wants her ego fed that you aren't over her. Maybe she just enjoys torturing you. Maybe she has a bet with a girlfriend. Why would you waste a moment's energy on her? You are lying to yourself saying you only want sex from her. We both know that's bullshit. You want her to want you back (SUPER beta). That is all ego and emotions fucking with you. As you get older I PROMISE YOU sex will get better. I don't care what a freak she was in bed or how good she blew you. Find someone (or better yet several someones) that treats you right and take control back of this part of your life and excuse my French, quit being such a pussy.

  • Dawson Stone 2014-10-16 20:03:13

    @AC Do like Tim said…block her number so you don't even have to think about it. Takes 3 seconds to block someone and takes the temptation away.

  • oscar 2014-10-17 02:44:45

    BD this post though doesn't apply to serial monogomists does it?

  • AC 2014-10-17 03:31:31

    Thank you Dawson for your valuable insight, I'm gonna take some pills for my oneitis. While knowing I wouldn't take her back, I doubt I could stop feelings. Alas, I wish it were just sex, your post is me to the t. But your blog post was a great read and made me feel better. Relationships just suck in my eyes, they're nice for a while Then inevitably fuck up for whatever reason, rarely worth it. Ex used to moan at me for going to the gym and say it was weird that I read loads of books, and would never support my mission. I'm much better alone because there's no one stopping me achieving my goals. The last option sounds like a good idea!

  • Tim 2014-10-17 05:05:32

    @oscar serial monogomists are trouble bro. they are branch swingers and are always on the rebound. girls like that push for a relationship because they are needy, clingy and insecure. they will also maintain realtionships with other guys behind your back in case they become single, they need safety nets. if you sense your dealing with one, do FB or FWB only.

  • Dawson Stone 2014-10-17 05:08:41

    @AC You are welcome. I am glad you found my post useful. Honesty I wish someone had pistol whipped some sense into me back then. I am guessing you are much younger than me so you are way ahead of the game having wisdom in your 20s that I didn't have until my 40s. While I understand your perspective (that relationships suck), let me offer an alternative view of things. As I said in my post, romantic love as a real thing (other then brain chemistry fucking with your objectivity) is just an illusion. You should be glad to be rid of the illusions. The good news (in fact GREAT news) is that as a high value man the world is your oyster. You can have great "relationships" but take them for what they are. They are women in your life for as long as you both make each other happy be it a night, a month, a year or whatever. You get to keep basically all the good stuff (except for irrational infatuation that does feel good but let's be honest isn't healthy) and get rid of all the bad stuff. Most kids are sad when they realize there is no Santa, tooth fairy, etc. but now you just realize it was silly and didn't really add to your life in a way that matters. Hang in there buddy. Time will fix it and the best revenge is living well.

  • oscar 2014-10-17 05:21:52

    Guys I need help. These are the darkest days of life and i have been a student of game for some time. I am full of neediness pining over her and crying every so often Please tell me there's a way to get her back. I can't bear giving her body away to someone and seeking pleasure while I descend in this dark spiral. Tell me its possible for her to love me again. I need to know if there's a way. What about all the promises..everything is possible in this world isn't it. I am not sure how I will survive the next few months im on the edge ..Help brothers

  • POB 2014-10-17 05:49:31

    @Ac and @Tim Guys, believe me when I say I see a lot of myself in your stories. When I was younger I did exactly what you guys did when I was "in love" with some girl. Heck, I did that with my last GF (not that long ago) when I was already over 30, buffed and getting a lot of pussy. In one sentence: "That's extremely BETA behavior". You gotta beat that crap outta yourselves!!! If you guys are as wise as you look (in fact you are opening up here and it takes a lot of guts to do so) you'll follow Dawson's and BD's advices: - don't be needy, - pitch a date only to have sex, - ignore her for a LONG TIME if she does not act as you'd like to, - and please, I mean please, if you still have strong feelings just FORGET ABOUT HER! Block everything, take some time to yourselves and when the time is right go fuck other girls! On a bigger picture have a life plan!!! Start to build options, go travel, meet and sleep with girls from abroad, think about building your own business, man, there's so much to do and so little time....so why waste it with someone that doesn't deserve?

  • Dawson Stone 2014-10-17 05:53:23

    @Oscar Dude you need to get a grip. This is 100% ego fucking with you. She cheated on you and you are butt hurt. You tied your identity up in that relationship and now your pain is coming from the loss of that part of your identity. It wasn't healthy in the first place. Read this if you haven't already and maybe it will be helpful. It was to AC. The question you should be asking yourself isn't how to get her back buy why would you want to? Focus on being the best, happiest version of yourself and find some other women to fill the void left by someone that sounds awful and unhealthy for you.

  • oscar 2014-10-17 06:42:05

    @Dawson I got over the cheating that doesn't even bother me. What bothers me is she didn't keep her promises she made when i broke off and she wanted to come back to do whatever it takes where is that "whatever it takes" that doesn't even matter i got over it despite her trying to triger the cheating memories by deliberately mentioning something related and watching my reaction. I never showed any emotion at those attempts and then sge gave up. It seemed she would do everything to spite me abd test me but i remained mostly stoic. I don't like her personality just missing the fucking I guess and just her mere presence. This is just scarcity based mindset and I can't seem to help it. What is she doing now fucking some other dude instead of full filling her promises to grow old with me. Relayionship issues? Let's fix it no but she planbed her exit well in advance...and waa waa waa...too fucking painful...

  • Dawson Stone 2014-10-17 07:25:58

    @Oscar IMO you simply aren't being honest with yourself about the cheating but I won't debate the point. Doesn't matter anyway. It is TOTALLY irrelevant what she promised. If she doesn't want to try again that is that (quite frankly you should count yourself lucky or this shit would drag on longer and will end the same way…badly). Grow old together? Are you fucking kidding me? You need to put down your Disney DVD collection and go out and find your balls again.

  • AC 2014-10-17 07:54:18

    Hey Dawson you are correct, I am 21 and have learned a lot of valuable information already. I know the mindsets that I should have and have learned to invest in my own self improvement no matter what. I do find it depressing that love is merely infatuation/illusion/movie magic Part of me desperately wants it not to be true, but it is proven time and time again by relationships I've been in and my friends have been in. It was a hard lesson to learn. I still feel my emotions get in the way but I wonder how BD/players manage to avoid the emotions. I know most cant really avoid them even if they wouldn't admit it. I got into game when I was 18, overweight and insecure/anxious and improved a lot etc. but I've only come across the red pill things in the last few months. Wish id discovered the red pill back in those days for sure! Thanks again!

  • POB 2014-10-17 08:18:37

    @Oscar Just forget about her and focus on yourself man. Right now you're in an emotional state and incapable of ANY healthy relationship whatsoever. Take the time to invest on your dreams and things will fall right, I garantee that.

  • oscar 2014-10-17 09:34:21

    Dawson and POB thanks guys. This just feels like a never ending nightmare right now.

  • Kurt 2014-10-18 07:31:04

    Oscar, you'll get through it. Hopefully your eyes will be opened by the experience. Take a moment to realize the disconnect between the words she spoke and the actions she took. Then remember always to IGNORE what women SAY and pay attention to what they DO.

  • Blackdragon 2014-10-18 15:41:11

    BD this post though doesn’t apply to serial monogomists does it?
    None of my advice is directed towards people who practice monogamy because monogamy doesn't work (unless you like drama). That being said, while the above technique doesn't work as well, it does work somewhat with monogamists. The same could be said of most the relationship techniques I discuss.

  • Jason Ellis 2014-10-19 19:06:13

    Of course you have to Ignore her since this is a bad break up! Try somebody else, there are a lot there where you will find better relationship.

  • MrJ 2014-10-22 14:50:20

    @BD Looking forward to the LDR post. I am currently 3 months in planned 6 month soft-next on long-distance FB. Long story short. This woman is in town 2-3 times a year, but lately she has been avoiding the meet. It goes like this. Before coming to my town she contacts me and asks if our plan to hang out is still valid. Then she arrives, couple of days later contacts me late in the evening or late at night, but suddenly 'becomes busy' when I pitch the meet while insisting that she wants to see me very much. We agree to get in touch later, I dont try to reschedule, and she leaves town without a notice. 3-4 weeks later she sends me one of these 'hey what's up?' texts from the other side of the Globe. Now she has done it twice, and I have not responded to her 'hey what's up?' text after the second flake. I decided that it is unacceptable behavior in my book, and that I am not wasting my time texting with her when she is 5000 miles away if she can not find time to see me when she is 5 miles away. So my current plan is to ignore her long distance texts for 6 months, and then get in touch with her. If she texts me again before the soft next period runs out, I will only respond if she is in town and hints at meetup. Then I push for the meet and reschedule if necessary. If she dodges the meet, I am hard nexting her.

  • POB 2014-10-23 04:02:46

    @Mrj You're paying too much attention to her dude. If that's your plan, set the alarm clock on your cel to tick after 6 months, forget about her (block her number if you have to) and go fuck other women. My longest ressurrection was an ex that I didn't see for 7 years!!! Kept casual contact (like 1-3 messages every year on FB) but really didn't mind her. One day out of the blue we decided to have lunch. The next day I was banging her in my place. Time is really a charm.

  • Leopard 2014-10-23 07:57:24

    So I tried and it doesn't work hahaha. Do I wait 4 more months to contact her again ?

  • Blackdragon 2014-10-23 12:13:10

    So I tried and it doesn’t work hahaha. Do I wait 4 more months to contact her again ?
    Yes. I personally would wait 6 months.

  • AC 2014-10-24 20:56:30

    BD, if my ex has a new boyfriend yet is still trying to text/call me can I still invite her over? Would it work? Pretty sure she's pretending to be happy

  • Blackdragon 2014-10-25 17:22:55

    BD, if my ex has a new boyfriend yet is still trying to text/call me can I still invite her over? Would it work? Pretty sure she’s pretending to be happy.
    Dude...it's the same thing I've been saying. YES, invite her over. If she says no, immediately end the conversation and IGNORE HER for AT LEAST FOUR MONTHS. Jeez guys. It's not this complicated.

  • RPScrote 2014-10-27 15:05:55

    This strategy is wonderful where you have maintained alpha frame throughout and the chick knows what you're about. However, I would like your advice on how to approach this where the old relationship failed from losing frame and going needy alpha or beta. I am most interested in where you went needy alpha. The no contact period will of course remain the same. I feel like immediately proposing a meet when you got dropped for being too high pressure/controlling will ultimately fail though. I feel like there must be a way to establish a cooler, outcome independent alpha 2.0 frame followed by a request to meet. Got two exes from my pre alpha 2.0 days who would make good fb's, no real risk of wanting a real long term thing on my part either as they aren't ltr material. This my question is: how do you reestablish cool laid back frame after the 4 month period aiming for Fb status? Or any other approach here given this context that you would advise?

  • Blackdragon 2014-10-27 19:14:22

    I would like your advice on how to approach this where the old relationship failed from losing frame and going needy alpha or beta...how do you reestablish cool laid back frame after the 4 month period aiming for Fb status? Or any other approach here given this context that you would advise?
    None of that is relevant and the steps are exactly the same. Exactly. The only difference is that the steps are less likely to work. So to be clear: If the breakup was because you went too Alpha Male 1.0 / Needy Alpha on her, or went beta on her, or you were monogamous to her, the steps are exactly the same to a T; they're just less likely to work as well. This is a good lesson to learn; hopefully you'll do it right the next time you have a relationship.

  • RPScrote 2014-10-27 20:22:00

    Thanks for getting back so quickly. That seemed to me the likely outcome. These were from before I discovered/was just discovering the manosphere. Very obvious what I did wrong in retrospect with the benefit of the knowledge good folks like you help to share. Luckily there are always more out there!

  • joe ford 2014-11-08 16:36:58

    What if you have to work with the woman? She's my bartender and I'm an entertainer. We work together 3 days a week. She broke off the relationship. I'm ignoring her as much as possible but it's a little difficult when you're in a professional setting like this. Quitting my job is not an option. Should I just blow the whole thing off? She's quite a bit younger than me (24 years).

  • Blackdragon 2014-11-09 22:03:37

    I do not recommend workplace relationships for EXACTLY the reason you're describing. Forget her forever and stop dating women you work with. And read this: https://blackdragonblog.com/2011/09/12/dating-people-at-work/

  • Jerome 2014-11-09 23:21:56

    Similar to Joe's question, what's the course of action for contact at partys and other social events? Were still in the same social circle so occasional interaction is bound to happen.

  • Blackdragon 2014-11-10 14:58:23

    Similar to Joe’s question, what’s the course of action for contact at partys and other social events? Were still in the same social circle so occasional interaction is bound to happen.
    No easy answers, other than to do your best. If you see her at a party, don't approach her. If she approaches you, say hi, be nice for 30 seconds, then politely excuse yourself and go talk to someone else. Also, plan ahead. If you know she's going to be somewhere, be somewhere else if possible. If that's not feasible, and if I knew I had to see a recent ex at a party that I had to go to, I would make very sure to show up with a woman on my arm who was better-looking than her.

  • James dean 2014-12-01 01:20:50

    Wouldn't she forget about you if you don't contact her for four months ?

  • Blackdragon 2014-12-01 23:37:04

    Wouldn’t she forget about you if you don’t contact her for four months ?
    If you behaved just like every other guy she's dated while you were dating her, yes.

  • Oscar 2014-12-12 15:33:08

    She wont call. She is too pretty and has lots of options, one man down 100 others lined up to fill his space. Only girls with limited options come back i.e ugly to average chicks.

  • tim 2014-12-14 14:29:47

    I'm going on 2 months complete NC with the ex. I pitched a meet way back in August and she never got back to me...never said yes or no. But she's still texting me and I'm still ignoring her since October. I've completely vanished from her life and I feel way better. Seems that she hasn't forgotten about me though. I think I'll give it another month.

  • James dean 2014-12-14 23:05:17

    They never forget. Trust BD advice they will call and they will be back . Just gotta let them stew.

  • GApeach 2014-12-19 09:37:43

    If a woman leaves you, you ignore her to move on, not to get her back. There is no reason to get someone back after they decide to leave you. If you ignore a woman (who knows her value) she will ignore you right back.

  • POB 2014-12-20 09:12:53

    @GApeach " If you ignore a woman (who knows her value) she will ignore you right back." That's true only if the guy did not show her any value when they were together. If he did she'll keep in touch and make him a backup for attention/sex/whatever.

  • James dean 2014-12-20 23:14:41

    @gepeach... That's not true... If you held your frame they always come back...why ? Coz you would be the only guy that held their frame .... What bd says is true ...

  • gnicholson1@kc.rr.com 2015-01-01 14:35:17

    I'm 51 years old and I was with a 43 year old girl for 7 months. She dumped me a little over 2 months ago. I could never get anymore out of her other than she was not feeling it. I was the typical nice guy beta. I texted and called her to much.fixed things around her house,bought her shit etc. Sex was mostly good but I had a few bouts of ed and premature ejaculation. We allways got along great and never had one argument. She was very even tempered.to much so.I really never knew what she was thinking.she was married once in her 20s and was with some guy before me for a long time. I made the mistake of chasing her pretty hard on and off up until 2 weeks ago when I stopped contact.I'm 51 years old and I've never been so hung up on a girl my whole life.all I can think of is how do I get her back. Slap some sense into me

  • Blackdragon 2015-01-04 16:59:31

    Slap some sense into me
    I think you already know everything you've done wrong. Go have sex with someone new ASAP. And make sure she's cute.

  • Oscar 2015-02-17 15:46:40

    it has been 6 month since breakup 4 months since last contact. she hasn't called text or emailed, must be enjoying new dicks immensely or is plain stubborn.

  • ouch 2015-02-24 12:13:30

    Not to be rude or an idiot. I am newly single. But why do all these women leave you in the first place? Plus, if she has a boyfriend and wants to cheat, you are cool with cheating? Would it bug you if the chick was with one of the guys on the site?

  • Blackdragon 2015-02-24 13:09:57

    why do all these women leave you in the first place?
    Depends on the woman. But usually it's because they want a man to verbally promise them monogamy (even if he's lying because he's cheating).
    if she has a boyfriend and wants to cheat, you are cool with cheating?
    Yes. Very cool with it. If she wants to lie to someone about being sexually monogamous when she really isn't, that's her business and her problem, not mine. I never expect a woman I'm seeing to be 100% sexually monogamous to me anyway, so I never have this problem.
    Would it bug you if the chick was with one of the guys on the site?
    I can't speak for anyone else, but one of my personal standards is that I will never have sex with a woman who is dating or married to a man I already personally know. Too much potential for drama there. But if I don't personally know the guy and she wants to have sex with me? It's game on.

  • Publius 2015-03-02 16:15:30

    One question I have: when she contacts you after a while, and you've already gone through the 4 months of not contacting her in any way, is it really the best idea to almost immediately arrange a meet-up? Doesn't that possibly convey you've just been waiting to see her all this time, and that she doesn't really have to do much in order to get back in your life? I'm just thinking it may look like I'd drop anything just to see her again or something.

  • Blackdragon 2015-03-02 23:08:44

    when she contacts you after a while, and you’ve already gone through the 4 months of not contacting her in any way, is it really the best idea to almost immediately arrange a meet-up?
    Yes.
    Doesn’t that possibly convey you’ve just been waiting to see her all this time, and that she doesn’t really have to do much in order to get back in your life? I’m just thinking it may look like I’d drop anything just to see her again or something.
    Not if you don't act eager. All you say is something like "We should hang out, maybe next Tuesday," and see what she says. If balks, tell her great, c'ya around, end the conversation, and resume ignoring. If you keep pestering her like a beta, well then yeah, she'll think you're a pussy.

  • gnicholson1@kc.rr.com 2015-03-03 13:29:40

    I did everything wrong trying to get me ex back. I was one of the guys that didn't have enough self control the article spoke of. I would just like to be friends at this point but looks like I've been shut out for good

  • POB 2015-03-04 05:38:19

    Why the hell do you want to be friends with her? If you still have fellings towards her, it will hurt you (a lot). If you don't, she'll probably be with other guys and change your status into a orbiter just to feed her attention needs. It's a loose/loose situation my friend! If you really want to do that, you should already be having great sex with another woman (more than one is better) and she (or they) must be good-looking!

  • Arron 2015-03-04 09:39:55

    Hi blackdragon I posted a few months back. i fucked my ex again. and it worked. the tips here are awesome. shes more keen on hooking up and loves the improved me 😉 Just gonna keep that open relationship frame. Thanks!

  • Blackdragon 2015-03-04 10:01:35

    i fucked my ex again. and it worked. the tips here are awesome. shes more keen on hooking up and loves the improved me
    Awesome! You just made my day. Yep, this stuff works.

  • B 2015-03-05 10:04:36

    Good! haha I have your book, i was wondering what the best chapter is for making and keeping an open relationship good is? For example, how much 'alpha' traits such as being distant and non needy to in terms of replying and how much beta to add in. How often to meet up. etc Thanks,

  • Blackdragon 2015-03-05 15:31:11

    I have your book, i was wondering what the best chapter is for making and keeping an open relationship good is?
    Chapters 13 and 18 specifically, though all of part four (chapters 12-18) would apply in some way.

  • Ron Gordon 2015-03-05 19:30:08

    May I ask the situation of a girl you dated and escalated but did not get her to go to bed with you? One woman who I failed to seduce now several months later is very flirty with me and I wonder if it is worth a try again, however, usually I do not try a second seduction if the first one failed.

  • Blackdragon 2015-03-07 20:04:51

    One woman who I failed to seduce now several months later is very flirty with me and I wonder if it is worth a try again, however, usually I do not try a second seduction if the first one failed.
    I agree with you. I have an almost zero percent success rate for trying to have sex with a first-time woman months after she said no the first time. So I would skip it unless you have plenty of time to burn.

  • Jack Reacher 2015-03-08 00:47:18

    She contacted but was just shooting the breeze on V day. Does the 4 months start again ?

  • Stephen Daniels 2015-03-08 09:18:45

    Hi BlackDragon I recently had to stop seeing a girl cos shes dropped out of university to go travelling in Australia. we'd agreed to stop seeing each other because the distance would be too hard to deal with. She then moved back home which is about 130 miles away... the contact slowly stopped for about a week.. but recently she keeps initiating contact telling me that she misses me and shes thinking about me (which I've completely glossed over I haven't said i miss or i'm thinking about her since we've ended). I think shes hinting thats she wants to meet up before she goes away properly but Im not gonna ask her. have you got any advice?

  • Blackdragon 2015-03-08 11:59:18

    She contacted but was just shooting the breeze on V day. Does the 4 months start again ?
    Only if you tried to meet up with her and she balked. You guys really aren't reading the directions here.
    I think shes hinting thats she wants to meet up before she goes away properly but Im not gonna ask her. have you got any advice?
    Go ahead and ask her. If she balks, ignore for 4 months. If she goes back home before the 4 months are up, that's the way it goes. And she's 130 miles away so that means SHE comes to YOU, not the other way around.

  • Stephen Daniels 2015-03-09 17:46:48

    I know she'll say yes but money is an issue because she hasn't got much left and she needs all of it for her (globe trotting)? I'd pay for half the fee for her to come to my city but I wouldn't pay all. What do you think? Is spending money on her out of the question even when I know its guaranteeing sex?

  • Stephen Daniels 2015-03-09 17:47:24

    Thanks for getting to me anyway bro much appreciated

  • Jack Reacher 2015-03-09 21:10:57

    Sorry I guess we want her to come back to us and thinking about it susbconsciously everyday coz we don't have no other plates. Your advice is pretty simple but hard to execute coz we still want to tap that pvssy.

  • Jack Reacher 2015-03-09 21:14:00

    Btw I bought your book. Hopefully by the time i finished reading it I be tapping her again . Can you write an article on why they would come back to you after such a long time ?

  • Blackdragon 2015-03-09 21:49:40

    Is spending money on her out of the question even when I know its guaranteeing sex?
    Is it okay to pay hookers for sex? Are you that much of a loser that you can only have sex by spending a few hundred dollars on a woman? Hopefully not.
    Sorry I guess we want her to come back to us and thinking about it susbconsciously everyday coz we don’t have no other plates.
    Good god you guys are killing me. YOU GUYS NEED TO MAN THE FUCK UP RIGHT NOW. THIS YOU'RE LOOKING AT AN ENTIRE BLOG FULL OF TECHNIQUES ON HOW TO HAVE SEX WITH NEW WOMEN FOR VERY CHEAP. STOP WHINING ABOUT THESE WOMEN AND GET OUT THERE AND FUCK SOME NEW ONES. Jesus...

  • Dave 2015-03-10 03:30:54

    BD, Very traumatic breakup, but was months in the making. I'm 43. The relationship was 3.5 years. I acted tough up to the MOT, but when she said she wanted me to leave, I was a pussy and broke down. I do love her, but I endured twice the crap I ever gave her, including taking on her 3 kids,(I have no kids) and listening to her 14 year old daughter talk shit to me. I tried to put on the Alpha role, and never worked with her. I have left her alone, but dunno if I REALLY do wanna get back with her. I do miss her, but as you say, it must be ego. It's still very fresh. Can I have some real tips and advice? Thanks. Dave

  • POB 2015-03-10 06:50:36

    @Dave 1) you're finally free 2) if your cock is functional, there is A LOT of hungry pussy out there... Dude, do the math!

  • Dave 2015-03-10 07:16:35

    One other thing - what is the opinion about kids in the relationship? Cause they are innocent, and you get attached to them. But I poured more time and money into them than their own fathers' did. All that got me was…?

  • Blackdragon 2015-03-10 11:51:06

    One other thing – what is the opinion about kids in the relationship? Cause they are innocent, and you get attached to them. But I poured more time and money into them than their own fathers’ did. All that got me was…?
    Unless you legally adopted them, you have no legal rights to those kids. If she doesn't want you around them, you're out of luck. Forget her, move on, and learn from this experience so that you don't repeat it. You were too beta in the relationship. Don't do that again.

  • Dave 2015-03-10 12:08:06

    But she didn't tell me she doesn't want me around them at all. I was just asking about being in a relationship when kids are involved. For example, many of my friends told me that I should have never gotten into a relationship with kids, as you can never win if there is a dispute. Also, do you send birthday cards, etc.? Or is it cut and run. Tough deal...

  • Dave 2015-03-10 12:10:55

    …and she's has already texted me asking if I'm ok? Smokescreen? I just said I'm fine thank you. Its only been a week. What next?

  • Blackdragon 2015-03-10 12:19:03

    You know exactly what to do. Read the post and comments above.

  • Jack Reacher 2015-03-10 23:52:32

    Tell her to fuk off. She is trash.

  • StupidGuy 2015-03-13 12:52:31

    Short story. Had a girlfriend, fell in love with another girl. Cheated on her and had a relationship with the new girl for about 2 months. Wanted to break up but didn't. New girl was heartbroken. We kept contact. AFter about a month I finally broke up and told her. New girl seemed happy... Spent some great days together. Then I was upset about her changing some plans of going to a party together. She didn't cancel, just mentioned that she would be there anyway and I lost my cool calling her out about trying to prove how independent she is (was going through the break-up those days and was little sensitive). Anyway afterwards she became distant. Then had a chat and told me that she thinks it will not work out and that she doesn't want her heart broken again by me. Same rules apply here ?

  • Blackdragon 2015-03-13 14:27:30

    What do you think? None of you are a unique snowflake exception, no matter how hard you try.

  • Tyler 2015-03-13 17:23:18

    Story - Girl dumped me after being exclusive for 6months, but we were never official. Acted alpha and non-needy most of the time, until she went home for Christmas break and I probably started calling and texting too much/ex probably came back on the scene when she was home. First meet up she gave me 'the talk' (dumping) and I acted kinda beta asking for another chance as it caught me off guard (never saw the signs). Got a text that evening as she regretted it and realised I liked her more than I showed from being icy from day 1. Texted back and forth but got nowhere as the 'feeling had still gone'. 1 week after with no change, I told her I couldn't do it anymore and sent her a 'call me if you change your mind' text. She replied with the 'I will but don't wait for me' text. Been NC for 1 month. She's hot. She's stubborn and never had her on Instagram/FB/Snapchat so no stalking or subtle contact either. I believe in the process and was high-value until it fell off the cliff. Spinning other plates but ego wants her to message me badly? How's that play out against a normal 4 month window...

  • Jack Reacher 2015-03-16 09:31:24

    The call me if you change your mind text was a fatal mistake. 4 months? I don't think she be back in 44 months. Never ever let her know that you will leave the door open.

  • Dave 2015-03-20 02:39:26

    So, she tells me its over, and were not getting back together, then texts me the next day to ask "how are you?" Whats up with that???? I just said I'm great and left it at that. Why would she do that? Dave

  • Man 2015-03-20 07:26:40

    She is regretting her decision and wants to know you're still there and an option, in case she decides to take you back. She wants to know she still has the power. Give her the gift of vanishing, take the power back, and then you'll know if she really wants you. Girls only want what they can no longer have, so best way to play it is, unless she is going to take you back - Ignore her. Unless you want to be the beta boy who texts her and blows up her phone without getting laid, of course.

  • Dave 2015-03-20 07:38:21

    I don't think she's regretting it, but it certainly is confusing…now the weekend is here and she will vanish from all sight. I know it sounds bad but it really is hard to understand, and it leaves guys vulnerable. It kinda pisses me off...

  • Dave 2015-03-22 13:58:44

    Sure as shit, 8 pm on Sunday night, I get the text asking how my weekend was. Why???? I just said it was great.

  • Dave 2015-03-23 04:28:44

    Asking what I did, and to tell me about her weekend. I almost was pissed that she was telling me about it. I saw the kids on Saturday, and they keep asking me when I'm coming home. They aren't my kids but I love them the same. It felt great to see them, as they are amazing. But other than that, why would she keep asking me and texting me???? Only asking guys, as I do not text her.

  • monikalevinsky 2015-03-23 13:50:32

    does this apply to women as well? he broke-up with me because he found a new woman who forced him to be exclusive because she got a visa and bought a plane ticket to visit him. He said he just want to be just friends for now because he is obliged to be loyal/serious to her and don't want to mess around with other women anymore. He said that if things change he will let me know. I told him I don't want to be just friends and I went straight no contact, it's been 12days that I disappeared. What I find shocking is that he hates LDR and didn't even meet that woman in person yet so why ditch other girls alread? He is in a band and is used to girls stalking him online and begging for another chance, so he is probably surprised that I'm the first girl who disappeared after being dumped. I thought he was great, I don't understand why he is allowing himself to be controled by some online woman who he never met in person.

  • Res 2015-03-24 12:48:39

    Here is a situation for you. Been with my girl/sons mother 9 years, she says I'm being a asshole cuts me off from sex so I get tired and tell her to move back in with her mom. She constantly says I did it because I'm a jackass, so she says leave her alone she needs to think. She is miserable at her mom's called crying I say come back home she says no u haven't learned to quit being a jackass that fast. What do you suggest

  • Scott 2015-03-24 13:00:58

    I got a rare one. I am an older guy who was with a young lady half my age. I was seperated and she thought we might end up together. I really cared for her. She decided she didnt want to be physical anymore so i blew it off. She got really angry and said i used her and embarrassed her. I coudnt beleive she felt that way. I tried explaining to her that wasnt true but she doesnt or wont believe me. We have had contact infrequently but when i avoid her it seems she makes some contact. A key is i am friendly with her mom, who chats me up at the gym. I dont know how this plays into the no contact rule but i need some help on that.

  • Scott 2015-03-24 13:08:08

    I think her mom wants to fuck me also but i have no interest. Girl is on her third boyfriend in 2 years, always in love thinking this guy is the one. We go the same gym chain where i see the mom. Exact sametime but im in one location and she is in another one nearby.

  • Blackdragon 2015-03-24 16:38:15

    I'm not commenting any more in this thread. All of you are presenting circumstances as if they're unusual when in fact they're common and normal, then asking me what to do, when I've already explained exactly what to do about 10 times in this post and in this thread.

  • StupidGuy 2015-03-25 03:02:11

    SO after about 4 weeks of no contact she sent me an email. Just asking me how I am doing. Did not reply, but next day I went by her office to say hi. She was chatty, but I kept it short and did not bring up any personal matters. Back to no contact again, see if she tries to contact me again...

  • Scott 2015-03-25 05:44:26

    I totally agree with you BD on everything. The mother of the chick chatty me up is not in the usual though lol

  • RealTalk 2015-03-25 17:41:21

    This is the magic pill you're all looking for... If you created enough attraction, made her laugh, had a good time, and generally showed her you were the man - regardless of what happened when the relationship died or how she dumped your arse or how your girl is super hot or different to the rest. If you created any sort of real value when you were with her... She will come back! Maybe not in a week, or a month. But sometime. If you go complete NC and vanish nuclear-style. She will start wondering. Trust me. They can't believe in their hamster brain you'd just leave her like a bad smell. This recently happened to me. Dated a solid 10 in most guys books, she dumped my arse. At 5 weeks complete NC and she's already sent me a IG 'follow' request haha. Unless she's ringing me up, i'm still walking. You have to take it like a man. Best way to stop yourself when thoughts of her start creeping - Imagine that smug look on her face when she see's a text from you after breaking NC! Currently, she's in limbo when you go NC; she doesn't know if you're banging other hotter girls or crying in your basement, but its human nature to assume you must be moving onto to hotter grounds if you aren't hitting her up anymore. If there's any sort of attraction left - she'll be back. They always come back. They can't rationalize the lack of attention you don't give them anymore when you walk. Tips for staying on the straight path. Work out. Spin other plates. Jack off. Think about that disgusting look she gave you all the time when she was losing attraction... The end..

  • tim 2015-03-25 18:53:32

    @Realtalk Spot on. 100% truth.

  • Scott 2015-03-26 11:06:34

    i must sadly admit i have showed some softness in the past. We had big mucho attraction and really liked each other but i was not on her radar for the whole enchilada ( dating alot, marriage, kids etc.) so she decided it would be better just to be friendly. I did the NC and it worked wonders. But then i caved etc and was on and off trying to establish contact. Now im totally invisible like a wraith. all in on this

  • Jack Reacher 2015-03-27 22:27:44

    Nice real talk . Any other advice ?

  • RealTalk 2015-03-28 05:12:50

    My advice above covers everything. Another trick I use for perspective whilst getting back on the straight path after a breakup relates to the concept: "Resistance is futile" - That is, accepting reality for what it is, not what you want it to be. Understanding and accepting what you cannot control (i.e. the girl and her feelings) and realising the stuff you can control (i.e. your actions/reactions to her). This is really important as a lot of guys get into the 'mental masturbation' of - "if only i'd done this differently' or 'If only she knew how much I really like her'. NO - When you start losing the girl, or losing your hand at the poker table - You don't double down. I.e. you don't try to challenge or convince a girl otherwise when she's losing/lost interest. You don't stay and beg and try and win again. You walk... You cut your losses. Don't challenge her opinion that she wants to sack your ass. Accept it. By challenging her opinion, subconsciously she'll disagree as it goes against her hamster brain, which in her world is always right/rational, which you are now challenging. Racing drivers always drive into a skid when the car starts losing control... It's like trying to slap your hand on water when you're angry - The harder you hit the water, the harder it will feel back. Don't try hard to convince a girl. Tell her you respect her decision and want her to be happy. Even if you don't (haha) - remaining icy won't lose you anymore attraction. FINALLY - Always bear in mind whilst you're thinking about the girl, your strategy to win her back, make her jealous or any other dark arts you have in mind to re-win the pussy. She is getting on with her life. She will barely think about you. She will be flirting with other guys. Seeking new dick and probably telling them you were a loser... Guys often forget this about girls - Most are evil. Most will screenshot your needy texts and send them round the girls whatsapp group to laugh at. SO, next time you get a girl. Remember - A girl is never yours, it's just your turn! God bless America, the millions of hot European Girls, and the joys of Tinder. Happy hunting

  • Jimmy Cobs 2015-03-29 06:05:55

    Will you still have sex with her after she has had a kid?

  • Blackdragon 2015-03-29 12:03:59

    Will you still have sex with her after she has had a kid?
    What a bizarre question. Of course I will. And have.

  • Dave 2015-03-30 03:36:48

    I have been ignoring her…we split up almost a month ago. She always initiates contact with me via text. I do not. Again let me make this clear, SHE told me it was over, and SHE told me were not getting back together. But every 3-4 days she texts. We've had text conversations, asking "how are you", and telling me about the kids. But I have left her alone, and I keep it short when she contacts me. Hell, I've already gotten on Tinder and match.com... Then on Friday at 10 pm, out of the blue… I get a text from her telling me about a band we like thats coming to town in December. WHY???? I wait to text her back the next morning, have a small and brief conversation with her, and then it's nothing the rest of the weekend. What is going on? I cannot figure it out. And please, don't give me the line of "your being beta". I have over 3 years invested in this, she, and her kids mean a lot to me. I just get the feeling that people that care get viewed as soft on here. But can anyone give me a no bullshit thought on this? I have asked about this previously. Do I want her back. Of course. But she said she didn't, and I just don't know what she is trying to do by this. I do appreciate your views on this site. BD you seem like a stand up guy, and some of the other guys do too. Man, there are some great articles on here that have already helped me. But what is happening is confusing and it hurts. How or when does it stop?

  • RealTalk 2015-03-30 04:02:27

    Hi Dave, I hear what you're saying. Nothing wrong with caring when you have invested a lot in a girl you like. Maybe you need to communicate with the girl more clearly. Explain that you're respecting her decision to break up, and it hurts you to not be a part of her life anymore as you still care about her/the kids, and unless she is open to working it out/talking, you can't keep going like this, i.e. just texting, anymore. Then, vanish. Don't keep contacting and replying as you have to respect her decision. Texts mean nothing, girls fire them off ten a dozen. Maybe not in your case, but texts don't mean anything. Go by her actions - has she called you to talk and told you she misses you? Girls often just text for validation. They want to know they can still have you, even if they don't want you anymore. Give them want they wanted. Space. Time and space are the biggest weapons against women playing games. No words, not even by shakespeare will convince her to get back with you. It has to be from her. Been through something similar myself recently - When they break up with you - they are effectively saying my life would be better without you. You have to respect that. They've thought about it long before they dropped it on you... There is nothing you can do, that's the point. There's only stuff you can do to make it worse and prolong the pain.

  • Dave 2015-03-30 04:54:55

    Thanks RT. It is a hard process. I had all my eggs in one basket and she turned that basket upside down. I have to get the rest of my things from her house. I still have many things there. I just don't have anywhere to put them, as I am staying with a friend until I can get a decent apartment. My friends tell me if she wanted out of her life so bad, she'd be pissy and telling me to get my shit out of her house. They know her too. People want to place money on her "ticking clock", in the sense that she got mad and she may be thinking she made a mistake. And that was the reason she texted me at 10 pm on a Friday night, at home, cause she knew I'd be out. But they also say that if your thinking she feels guilty, or regret, it's probably not the case. She has yet to take blame or apologize for anything. I did all of that like a coward. But your right…she hasn't called or said lets meet to discuss anything with her. So, she obviously isn't that bothered. I have had to let go of all those bad memories, and concentrate on me. I've lost 22 pounds, and I have 30 more to go. I'm back in the gym. I am trying to get myself back together. I agree, this communication has to stop. I just hate it.

  • Dave 2015-03-30 22:15:06

    I have not bothered her at all. She initiates the text contact. When I am texting, I keep it light. But, after more than 3 weeks, we were speaking on text yesterday. She was telling me how she was still angry and hurt. But I have been hurt too. She actually did more damage than I did. She was saying that me telling her that I have changed and gotten a new perspective didn't mean that much to me cause she's still hurt. But at the same time, she says that she wants to know that I'm ok. I asked her if she just wants me to leave her alone. She says she just can't let go overnight, and can I just let her know I'm ok. I told her I can't just let go overnight either, and do we really have to? I asked if that what was most important, that we vanish away from each other after all we've had? I don't expect any promises, and I don't want to let go of the rope. We have 3.5 years invested in this. I care for her and her kids very deeply. We BOTH made incredible mistakes and hurt each other. But, we have a bond. It is different for me and her. I love those kids, and I love her. If I didn't, I'd walk. But maybe now I have to?

  • Dawson Stone 2015-03-31 08:28:15

    @Dave I get that breakups can be painful but you need to examine where the pain is coming from. Ego and emotions. Your ego is hurt that she ended it and your emotions are tied up in letting go of your identity as a couple. I don't know all the details but taking on her kids means you have a least a healthy dose of "white knight" in you. I am going to tell you what I really think and feel free to call me an asshole if you want but I have been where you are and know of what I speak. The kids are bullshit. I am not saying you don't care about them and that you don't mean anything to them but they aren't your kids are while 3.5 years isn't nothing it isn't anywhere near an entire childhood. You are just using them as an excuse to stay attached. YOU DON'T WANT TO LET GO. Until you do want to let go (which is the only way your pain will stop) you are screwed. You need to block her email. Block any social media. Block her number. No contact of any kind. Don't see who she's added on FB and worry about what that might mean. Total waste of time and energy. You are focusing your energy on all the wrong things. Get yourself in great shape. Spent time with close friends and family that you care about. Start dating when you feel like it. If you do those things for 5-6 months and meet a few great ladies and feel good about your life and you STILL think about the chick you are upset about now...then and only then reach out to her. If you really have such an amazing bond it will last 6 months. If not, how special could it have really been? My expectation is that in six months you will be like "Who? Oh yea I remember her." At that point being the best version of yourself you could perhaps have her back and on much better (non beta) terms but I am just stunned that a women with three kids is the best you can do. Best of luck and remember EVERY SINGLE DAY that you don't break off ALL CONTACT is extending your suffering. You have no one to blame but yourself.

  • sandy 2015-04-06 16:57:18

    story - (long one 🙁 ) i met a gal like a friend on jan 2014 .. we had some oral play..bt nt fucking on may 2014 i proposed her fr marriage.. aftr tht v were on just oral play..she said me nt to make intercourse till marriage.. one day she left the city for holidays in october2014 ..whn she left aftr 2 days i got a phone call from her.. she was totally drunk out..and told me i am fucking with a guy ..he is with me.. we had sex today..i was going for holidays was a lie .. i m here to meet my friend..and v r fucking from last 1.5 years..i am nt a virgin. I went to the stage of depression and anxiety . i was all mad. textng her calling her. she blocked me on fb . she blocked me on cell. blocked me on whatsapp. 2-4 tyms we talked when she called me and she always said i dont wanna tak 2 u. one day i thought i wll nt call or text her . but one day she asked me for coffee. we went for coffee. she invited me to join the morning sesseion of workout with her . i joined tht . she went out with me fo dinner on 1 jan 2015. it was going well. in feb 2015 she again starting showing ego. i dont wanna meet u and i wll nt reply of ur msg. as i was blocked in call. so i always msg her . tht day i maid a choice tht i wll not meet her . but aftr 7-8 days she again caleed me for workout . i msg tht i wll join later . after 10 days she again asked me 2 join . i was ignoring her . on 21st april she again asked me to join workout . i replied i will join in 2-3 days you carry on . till now i had not got any msg nor i hav texted her . now wht to do suggest me. is she regretting her mistake bcoz i think calling me in such a drunk out position was her mistake and thr was some influnce on her of the 2nd guy ..she alwyz said she loves me and want to marry me . we were talking to our families and was thinking to marriage in march 2015 . i think she still want to marry me. and by avoiding me . she wants me to make mad . so i come on my knee and ask her to marry me . In very difficult position please suggest me wht to do . i didnt fucked her . and i wanna fuck her

  • StupidGuy 2015-04-10 08:21:11

    So I have an update again. I saw her 3-4 times in the office and had a great chat each time. But nothing sexual or relationship related. I was aloof and funny and she made some jokes herself. So I invited her to dinner with some friends because I was going away to a new place. She came, she was flirty, there was tension between us, and she even touched my leg under the table a couple of times. She will be moving in the same place I am and she was even suggesting stuff we can do once she is here... There was also a weird moment when we were alone when she asked how I was doing and she seemed a bit sad. So when I got her home to say goodnight we hugged for a long time, but she didn't let me kiss her... So I didn't make a big deal out of it and we told each other that we would see each other soon. I kept no contact and after about 4 days she texted me asking how the new place is. I responded casually and she asked some more questions. Do you think she is warming up to me again, or is this a friendzone thing ? Should I keep no contact again ?

  • RealTalk 2015-04-10 12:55:15

    Hey guys, I've been giving people advice recently but got caught off-guard today and could really do with some help (Dawson/BD). Been straight NC with the girl who dumped me apart from a small text exchange at week 5 over her adding me up on social media. Long story short I was on a date today in town, rarely been going in since we split and guess who walks past the window where we were sitting. Yes, the ex. I did the satisfied smile and wave and beckoned her in - obviously she didn't because I was clearly with another (equally hot) girl. Date ended soon after as it was a first date, so text the ex if she wants to catchup etc. Got a lame excuse why she was busy but said she's around till May (lol). Kinda of ended it there... I don't really know what to make of it all - looked alpha as moved on with hotter girl who she just happened to see me with so looked good as wasn't intentional, but I did message her and she kind of blew me out again....? Guess it's the classic - start NO Contact again line right? Even if I give the ex an inch I seem to lose frame and

  • Dawson Stone 2015-04-10 13:47:48

    @StupidGuy @RealTalk You guys are missing the point. I think the quote goes, "Living well is the best revenge." Answer yourself this honestly...if you strip out your ego and emotions is there REALLY anything about these chicks you are suffering over that is truly THAT unique? If you were losing it over a Vicoria's Secret supermodel who was worth millions (but was cool about being loaded) with the mind of Einstein and off the charts emotional intelligence all while being a rock star in bed (with an identical twin sister that joined you in bed from time-to-time) and as kind, nurturing and empathetic as you can imagine then MAYBE it would make sense. But that simply isn't the case. That woman doesn't exist. To be fair, neither does her male equivalent. There are lots of amazing women. TONS. Your problem is a scarcity mentality. If you really can't your head out of your ass to realize that while these women might be high value (and I am not even saying they are) there are plenty of other high value women out there, then you are simply the architect of your own suffering. The fact that you know when she last contacted you ("small text exchange at week 5") or ("she even touched my leg under the table a couple of times") makes me want to slap you guys. Jesus have some self respect. I don't contact an ex after things have ended EVER. Not after 6 months. Not after six years. Because I am busy with other new and interesting women it doesn't even cross my mind to waste energy on what they are doing or who they are doing it with. When a women does boomerang (and probably over 75% do eventually...sometimes years after last contact) I insist on three things: - If we are meeting up we are having sex - Zero drama - We meet on my terms...zero conditions I am never a dick about it but when they contact you, you control the power dynamic. When you contact them, they do. Why on Earth would you intentionally put yourself on the losing end right out of the gate? Enjoy women. Treat women well both in and out of the bedroom. Love them even. But if you worship a woman you are DOOMED. First it is ridiculous...no one should be worshiped. And second, it can only end one way...very, very badly.

  • RealTalk 2015-04-12 03:05:03

    Yeah thanks, I seem to be fine with overcoming the scarcity mentality and the abundance of meeting new women etc. Getting over Oneitis and taking her off a pedestal as well. Any suggestions for helping with the mindset part - as in even though all the above is falling into place my 'ego' still feels massively damaged like I want to get one over on the girl. To prove her wrong. I seem to have locked down a lot of the stuff apart from the 'not caring' at all vibe. I still kind of give a f*** and my ego is like I still want to win...

  • Dawson Stone 2015-04-12 12:18:38

    @RealTalk You have to re-frame your thinking. You are right...this is probably 100% ego. So let me say this once...the more energy you put into trying to "win" the more she wins. The opposite of love is ambivalence. To "win" (not that I think that is the right goal in the first place) you must race as fast as you can to ambivalence. If you met a girl tomorrow that was 10% hotter, 10% smarter, 10% better in bed, 10% younger, 10% more successful, 10% nicer...etc why would you waste 2 milliseconds on the other chick...the other chick you fucked already I might add. Some other thoughts. Let's take an average group of 100 women 20-40 years old. How many of them do you think you would want to date for more than getting laid?  10 tops right? And my guess is once you had sex and got to know them better that probably drops to 5-7 that you might really want to continue to have in your life for a long period of time. That means 95% of the time or more NO MATTER WHAT A WOMEN DOES you wouldn't want to pursue something with her. Now I know all of us in the Manosphere like to think we are "special," "unique," "different" or "fill in self aggrandizing label here" but even if you are a high value man (and 2/3 aren't) there is still a significant percentage of women that won't want us for whatever reason. The reason is IRRELEVANT. I always 1/2 jokingly tell all women I start seeing that I will literally be the easiest guy in the world to break up with...that my number one criteria in being with a women is she has to be really into me. That all they have to do is say, "Dawson, sorry but my feelings have changed." When that has happened my response is always the same, "I totally understand. I have really enjoyed our time together and I wish you nothing but success and happiness."  The truth is I mean it. I don't need to know who, why or what caused their change of heart. And my boomerang rate with women in this category is over 60%...not that it matters. Quit helping her "win" by trying to "get one over on her" because a) it probably won't work and b) even if it did it was a poor use of time and energy. Invest that time in getting in better shape, making more money and finding even higher quality women that WANT you...in fact are DYING to be with you. That my friend is WINNING.

  • Jackson 2015-04-13 00:01:48

    Good advice

  • RealTalk 2015-04-13 07:16:29

    Strong advice @Dawson Taking it all on board for the next one. Ego doesn't seem to have much use in game from my experience, yet ironically most of the alpha guys/jocks etc seem to have one to a larger degree, before they become indifferent. More hindrance than help anyway. Definitely trying to get around to the perspective that its better to experience something with a decent girl and learn the lessons the hard way, than not experience anything at all. You know you're doing something right when you put yourself on the line, as it stings like hell when/if they dump you. You know its real and you're progressing that way. Funny side story - The reason I got Oneitis bad on the last chick who dumped me was actually caused by tinder. Got dumped, started hitting up Tinder girls as didn't have the logistics/time to day/night game and met a girl off tinder. Thought she was from the same country/looks as the previous one and thought I was in. Until I met her... She was the most disgusting girl I've ever met. Much shorter, uglier than in her photos and put be back thinking how good the last girl was haha. Never go on a tinder date and run the risk of the ugly catfish straight away - Best just to get out and find 'real' chicks first. Also - Don't get my wrong, there are some incredibly attractive girls on tinder. Usually you can catch them just as they downloaded the app, as in, before 100s of guys have messaged them asking for sex and they delete it or no longer swipe. Haha. Met a German last year who wanted to cheat on her bf as he was using Tinder behind her back. The 'fling' lasted 1 day before was messaged she was going back to her bf. Time is immaterial in game - I've had amazing experiences with girls lasting 24hours whilst some friends have dated girls for years without any excitement. Game, what you say and do, is all relative to the girl and your own reality. That's what keeps it exciting, you don't know whether it'll last years or minutes - and what will happen.

  • sandy 2015-04-13 17:33:19

    i didnt got any suggestion 🙁 anywyz its ok

  • Oscar 2015-04-14 01:54:34

    Jesus I only fucked one chick and that from cold approach in 8 months since breakup and I thought I had game.

  • Jasmine 2015-04-15 14:29:06

    I am a female (or whatever pet name you call me) and I want to thank you for helping me realize what was being done to me. This is great! I will let all my lady friends know about this site. To say I feel empowered is an understatement

  • Blackdragon 2015-04-15 14:34:01

    I am a female (or whatever pet name you call me)
    I usually call females "women" or "girls."
    I want to thank you for helping me realize what was being done to me. This is great! I will let all my lady friends know about this site.
    Awesome! Please do! The more traffic I get here the more money I make. Thank you for spreading the word!
    To say I feel empowered is an understatement
    Wonderful! Glad to help.

  • Tim 2015-04-16 16:58:14

    I definitely screwed up!!! In our previous breakups I've always made the pussy mistake and contacted after 2 maybe 3 weeks. Seems I always miss her and she never misses me. However,this time I ended it (usually her) after finding private facebook messages a boyfriend doesn't want to see. She claimed they were old messages during our last break up yet she packed her stuff and left without a fight or any emotion. She said as she was leaving that I would be calling begging for her back. I decided it was time to painfully move on for good and definitely was committed to showing her I was for real. The no contact began and lasted almost 2 months when she unexpectedly tried calling me out of the blue. I reluctantly ignored and she left no message. Usually when she wants something and gets ignored,her narcissism cuts loose and she will call,text,maybe even show up at your house until she gets a response. Not this time,which definitely caused unwanted curiosity and temptation. I managed to make it 8 days following her solo call. My pussy ass texted her a caption that stated "I know we don't talk anymore but I just want you to know that I still love you and think about you everyday". Alcohol was involved and the curiosity killed me. However, I am approaching day 3 of her ignoring my text. This whole thing is crazy and I was doing so good. I would really like some opinions or thoughts on this mess.

  • Tim 2015-04-16 19:36:02

    I just want to add some important ingredients to my above post. I could write a book about this almost 2 year relationship. I will try to shed light with short details. I was 35 and she was 23 when she was introduced to me unexpectedly by the neighbor kid,her cousin. We hit it off and started sleeping together after 2 days. We became inseparable for next month before she pulled a dissapering act for her baby daddy which truly stung. She came back and shortly moved in. We both thought we had found our soul mates and you would never know we were 12 years apart. We had a great honeymoon phase and had the greatest sex I have ever had. I have had sex with about 40 girls and relationships with about 10 of them. I have never made it past 6 months with the exception of my child's mother. I simply find flaws, lose attraction,lose feelings, or simply get bored, sometimes all of them. This was not the case with her yet she had major flaws and wasn't the prettiest girl I've been with. For whatever reason though, I fell and fell hard. I put this girl ahead of everything. I told her I wanted to take care of her and her son forever. I put her on a pedestal and would do anything for her. I was saying things and acting in ways that were all for the first time in my life. Our sex always got better and I now know that the sex is my major hangup and difficulty in getting over her. I developed a serious addiction to her. This girl was a freak just like me. She was fetish friendly, tried anything, loved exploring new things, aggressive at times,kinky, and the list goes on. Our comfort zones with each other was something I've never experienced and it started our first night together. So I find a girl I feel like I've known for years,acts and talks on a comfort level instantly that I've never received from anyone in any relationship, gives me a comfort zone I've never experienced with anyone, successfully convinces me that she has never loved or felt this way towards anyone, fully accepts all my baggage and habits...all this and top it off with my best sex ever...It's safe to say I'm addicted to her. It's real and she's gone. I need help folks.

  • Al 2015-04-21 21:07:50

    Thank god I found this blog. I'm 61, she's 45. She's a 9 or a bit more. Amazing sex. We've been on and off for 2.5 years. The other day she really lost it and slagged me off for three hours. I did not say a word. I left. My other interest is 40. So yes, it is possible. I'm nothing special but now I put myself first, I do much better than I did when younger. It's the way of the world. Why am I here? Just to confirm to you guys that if you had something, THEY ALWAYS COME BACK. Regardless of what they say to you. So move on, don't worry and respect yourself. Completely ignore for at least two weeks - longer if you can manage it - if and when you do reply to them, make them do the work. If she doesn't contact after 4 months (it's usually about 2 weeks maximum) then give it a shot or consider getting right out of it. AND you want sex. Don't confuse love with lust and don't confuse loneliness with love. Not that you should be lonely anyway. God luck all.

  • mot 2015-04-25 18:38:14

    @Realtalk What you say is correct?

  • Ron Gordon 2015-04-26 17:23:25

    @Tim. You are suffering oneitis. You know the cure. Get that beef in any available  bun pronto, and I mean ANY AVAILABLE BUN.

  • JEAN CLARK 2015-04-27 17:07:19

    "I'm 41 years old and my husband has recently told me that he wanted out of the marriage and he actually left a few days later, after 21 years of marriage.After the initial shock wore off and I was able to think straight I purchased your spell I was able to persuade him to give me and the marriage another chance I had to wing it with only your strategies in my head Many, many thanks for your resources..."drisaachelpcenter@outlook.com .. Regards

  • Al 2015-04-27 18:27:36

    @ Jean Clark. Hi there. There are many websites concerned with getting our ex back. Some for men, some for women and some for both. The one thing they have in common is using counter intuitive methods to achieve our goal. I followed one in particular which was aimed at both sexes. I think the women outnumbered the men. There was a very high success rate in re-establishing an old relationship. BUT, keeping them for any length of time was the main downfall. I wish you well but be prepared.

  • James 2015-04-28 05:38:39

    @RealTalk If you created enough attraction, made her laugh, had a good time, and generally showed her you were the man – regardless of what happened when the relationship died or how she dumped your arse or how your girl is super hot or different to the rest. If you created any sort of real value when you were with her… She will come back! Question: Even if she is stubborn and has an ego bigger than a guy?

  • Dawson Stone 2015-04-29 12:32:45

    @James IMO you are missing the larger point. She may boomerang. She may not. All that you are doing is wasting your limited mental energy on something that you can only impact in the negative direction by taking action. If she wants to come back on terms you are 100% comfortable with then great. If not, you have moved on to bigger and better things. Wasting energy on someone that at least for the moment isn't interested in you simply shows self esteem in need of repair and a case of oneitis. Wait until she contacts you and don't waste another second on what she might or might not do based on whatever.

  • RealTalk 2015-04-30 03:18:30

    @James Exactly what Dawson said. You can't make her come back, you can only do stuff to make her not want to come back. You need to be in the mindset that she isn't coming back, move on with your life and improve, and if she does come back - you can decide then, if that's what you want. Most likely you'll have moved on and got over the pedestaling oneitis and no longer want her back... I always find that a few months down the line you'll find a new girl who's hotter and more into you than the last, and then you won't bother. If you've read all my posts, I went through this earlier in the year. Don't even know how long it's been but I've moved onto a new girl, and guess who shows up and messages me again. Yeah, the old girl and she wondered what I was upto I never replied as I was in bed with the new girl and her soft kisses distracted me from replying. 100percent happened last weekend. Now that is living well and it felt real good. All thanks to this blog/dawson etc. This is what this is all about. It's about you, not some girl who's made a decision for you. Its about what you want, when you want, and how you want it. And if it doesn't align to your thoughts. Walk. Forget being tough, funny, rich - Being a man is respecting yourself first! The hottest thing about any girl, is one who is really into me. She has to be a fan. A massive fan in fact. Half heartedly going into anything in life is a waste...

  • Al 2015-04-30 05:24:41

    @anyone who might be interested: Me 61, she 45. She gave me the elbow couple of weeks ago. I went straight into no contact AT ALL. Today, I got this text:

    Stop thinking about me. There is no hope now or ever. Not even a glimmer. Do not contact me. Either. Just stop hoping.
    Not many years back I would have gone into panic mode. But now I can translate this (plus I have back up plans). It means, "I had to contact you but must seem to be strong. Please contact me." I won't be. Keep smiling all. They always come back except when they don't, which is rare. If they don't, you don't need them.

  • Dawson Stone 2015-04-30 06:31:18

    @RealTalk Amen brother. Articulated perfectly! @Al Dude I hate to break it to you but they shouldn't be back-up plans. "Stop thinking about me..." might mean "...please contact me." but it also might mean "I am about to get a restraining order." That is about as clear a signal as I can possibly imagine. Honestly if I got a message like that from a woman I wouldn't let her boomerang unless she begged me. And I mean BEGGED. Your time is too valuable to waste on someone that would talk to you that way. But as you say, no need to panic. Like RealTalk said, find a woman that can't wait to be with you and focus your time and energy on someone that deserves it.

  • Al 2015-04-30 06:59:50

    @Dawson. Thanks for your input. Your words of caution are well noted. This one's behaviour was BAD! So she'll be getting the full 4 months anyway. Plus, not sure she can get a restraining order based on what she thinks I am thinking. I must stress, I disappeared off the face of the earth with this one. There has been NO contact at all. The point I was making is the power of no contact. She had no need to contact me at all. But, call it a fishing trip, call it what you will, she was trying to provoke me into replying. Which I haven't and won't be doing! And that is SO important. Don't reply whatever they say. They are cunning and manipulative. It can be so very difficult to keep silent. But it must be done and it works. Begging will be good. I am seeing someone else.............. and not spending a great deal.

  • Dawson Stone 2015-04-30 08:28:36

    @Al Let me ask you this...why contact her in 4 months? In your own words she behaved badly. Let her contact you and even if she does contact you she should "have to make it up to you" for her awful behavior. I don't know how cunning most women are. And most people are manipulative when they don't have power and aren't getting what they want. What I have done in the past when I feel even slightly tempted is I block every single way for them to contact me (and of course this means I can't contact them either). All social media, email, and cell phone. It is very quick and easy to do so. This actually increases the bar they have to clear to boomerang. It removes any temptation on my end. When I have done this in the past they usually just create a new email or text me from a friend's phone in an effort to reconnect. This even further sways the power dynamic in your favor because you will both know she had to go the extra mile to contact you. It is great that you are seeing someone else but if you are watching the calendar about when you are going to contact her (4 months, 6 months, whatever...) you have already lost the battle IMO.

  • James 2015-04-30 12:53:25

    thanks @RT & @Dawson. you read this and you will say....wtf were you thinking dude! i am 35-1wife-1kid, very well off financially & "generally" happy in family. she joined our company about an year ago 35-1husband-2kids, well off and very unhappy with husband. starts talking to me and eventually we fall in love. she kissed me first and she wanted to make love to me. even at that stage i hesitated asked....if she really felt the need to do so & she said YES. i did not initiate anything. later on i started loving her more. i was ready to give up everything and marry her. we had a great time together. problem started when i couldnt spend more time with her. i became needy and 1 day when fustrated, i sent her an email and said bye. since that day, i just cant take her off my mind. its as if she is in my DNA. i begged, pleaded...did everything but she isnt willing to take me back. i was atleast partially happy before she showed up but now i am completely fucked. man...shit comes in all shapes and form. fuck cant talk to anyone also. have started working from home more frequently now. but no matter what, she come screaming into my thoughts every few mins. very difficult.

  • Dawson Stone 2015-04-30 13:18:31

    i was at least partially happy before she showed up but now i am completely fucked. man
    All you need to do is re-frame your thinking. A negative thought only lasts for 60 seconds or less unless you re-enforce it. You create your own misery by fixating on a married, cheating woman that already has two kids that aren't yours. I mean do you really think that is the best you can do? You need to learn from your (even in your own eyes) obvious mistakes and be vigilant to not make them again. Love/lust/infatuation is just brain chemistry. Understand all that it does is mess with your ability to be objective and clear headed and will guide you into making bad decisions like considering marrying an already married woman with two kids because She's So Special, Not Like The Rest or My Soulmate. You have to see how ridiculous it all sounds don't you?

  • Sunni 2015-05-05 11:48:55

    Silly, silly boys.  That's what sort of message games like this send to women.  The truth of the matter is, these sorts of tactics only work on women with little or no self-esteem.  As a seasoned and mature female, I've seen it all at this point and most women know games when they meet them.  Ignoring a woman for any length of time, especially weeks or months is deadly to any existing attraction she might genuinely have for you (or forgiveness).  After a break-up, regardless of who is at fault, a woman allows herself time to mourn and once that period passes, she has moved on.  I promise you, any woman with an ounce of self-confidence will have long since moved on in 4 months and any budding feelings, once tarnished, never return.  Your best bet with any woman is something we rarely see in the male species... open and honest communication.  Be it known, it is oft the male species that struggles with this, not women. The best dating advice I ever received is the most honest and truest thing I've ever found value in:  Women and men will never truly see eye to eye until men stop treating women like poorly behaved men and women cease treating men like poorly behaved women.  To sum it up, stop thinking like a man.  That is your downfall. Peace.

  • Blackdragon 2015-05-05 13:47:33

     these sorts of tactics only work on women with little or no self-esteem
    Demonstrably and provably wrong. It works on women over 30, over 40, women with Ivy League college degrees, women who make more than $100K a year, etc.
    Ignoring a woman for any length of time, especially weeks or months is deadly to any existing attraction 
    That isn't what I recommended. Did you even read the article beyond just the title?  

  • Enrico 2015-05-05 15:55:39

    Hey guys, first of all, thanks for your advice. After reading the article I have got a lot of self confidence. Now to my story: My Ex girl breaks up with me before 3 days, I keep cool and accept the fact, that it is over. I deleted her Number etc. And since there I did not contact her. Should I just now wait till she contacts me ? I just want to fuck her again. Thanks guys!   PS: sry for my english I am from germany

  • Enrico 2015-05-05 16:00:04

    By the way, she is 26 years old and I am 20, and we were together for about 1,5 years.

  • Dawson Stone 2015-05-05 18:17:58

    @Enrico I don't buy for a second that you "...just want to fuck her again." If that was true you wouldn't have had any need to delete her number. Be honest with yourself about how you are feeling or it will impair your ability to get the result you do want...her to come back to you. I personally only delete someone's number, etc. if I feel tempted to contact the person. If you don't feel tempted to contact her there is no reason to delete or block her. And yes...you wait for her to contact you. She dumped you so if she wants you back she is going to have to ask and ask nicely. I wouldn't contact her in 4 months or 4 years. As time goes by so long as you haven't gone beta/pussy/stage 5 clinger in her mind she will amplify the good experiences with you and minimize the negative ones. She will likely come back. Your goal should be to fill your life with fun, attractive, interesting women so that when she does come back (and most do) you will be able to behave in the most outcome independent way which will not only maximize the likelihood of her wanting to get back with you but her willingness to do so on your terms.

  • Enrico 2015-05-06 05:08:32

    @Dawson Stone thanks for your reply bro! Ok, sure I want her to come back, but I does not want to stay there like a needy pussy u know what I mean, because of that I delete her number, and do not contact her anymore, I want to live my life and prove her that I can live without her. I mean today is the 4th day without her and I was afraid of texting her back, because I had a lot of feeling for her.. A time ago I made the misstake to beg her and realize that this makes everything just more bad.. But know I want that she is the one, who comes.. The only question in my head is, what if she does not contact me in 4 months for example. And should I forget her till she contacts me, because I do not want to make hope and than she will not contact and I'm disappointed. But on the other side I do not want to contact her because of my ego, I do not want that she controls me..   thanks 🙂

  • Enrico 2015-05-06 05:14:20

    And another thing that makes me think is, in the internet they talk about a no contact strategy and it should be just 30 days, now I do not know how long I should ignore her

  • Dawson Stone 2015-05-06 05:42:43

    In my opinion I would NEVER contact her. Let her contact you. Assume you will never hear from her again and move on. Don't pretend to move on...move on. Don't have hope she will contact you. If she does, she does. If she doesn't, so be it. NEVER CONTACT HER FIRST. It can only reduce whatever your chances are of having her back in your life in any way.

  • POB 2015-05-06 06:11:25

    @Enrico Bro, you're 20!!! C'mon!!! You're damn young... 1) Go lift some weights to better yourself, build some real life self-esteem and make some friends with the right mindset (add the "get buffed" effect as a bonus). 2) Go have fun with other women ASAP! You have a whole world of amazing pussy awaiting for you! I know it's hard right now but you gotta have the guts to go after it. I 100% garantee it's worth the initial struggle! 3) Man up! As Dawson said, if she does not want you anymore, accept the facts and move on. I'm sure things will be a lot different for you down the road.

  • Enrico 2015-05-06 16:05:07

    Hey thanks guys for your support! I will stay cool and live my life, and I wont contact her. I'm still liftin bro

  • MikeNason 2015-05-08 06:48:17

    I cussed her out and called her a bunch of degrading names. I did it because she disrespected me and every time I broke up with her, one night she would tell me to go die and get into a car crash and the next day she would always contact me like nothing happened and apologize and I accepted her apology.  She started throwing tantrums with me first and then I finally lost it and cussed her out and now I feel bad because I shouldn't have stooped down low to her level. Now she finally is the one to say she's done and breaking up with me. But yet she always contacts me. When she calls, I pick up and all she does is scream and yell at me telling me it's over. But then when I hang up, she'll continue to text me to tell me it's over, but she never goes away. I'm starting to go No Contact now and have to force myself to not answer her calls or text her back. I have been regularly working out and bettering my physical well being before but now, after all this drama, I feel like I am LOSING motivation to work out. Kinda counter-intuitive. I think my emotions and ego are too involved? I don't have much of an appetite to eat. I don't have any interest in meeting new girls or trying to date anyone new, is this because it's too fresh out of a break-up that I want to follow through with? I feel like all the times we say we're breaking up, it's just words, we never do break up, we gather our emotions and realize all the bad things we say when we cuss each other out was under emotions.

  • Enrico 2015-05-09 01:23:21

    @Dawson Stone   Hey bro I feel so bad.. yesterday I saw her with a new guy kissing.. First I was very angry etc but later she calls me and we talk and she tolds me that she does not love me anymore but want to stay cool, and man 1 week after we broke up.. fuck life

  • Dawson Stone 2015-05-09 06:25:30

    @Enrico I really am sorry you are hurting. Everyone (man or woman) has been there at some point by their mid 20s. A few questions and please excuse my harsh language but you need a wake-up call. A) Why the fuck were you somewhere she would be and ESPECIALLY somewhere she might be kissing a guy? B) Why would you be angry? You are broken up. C) How can she call you if YOU HAVE HER FUCKING NUMBER BLOCKED? Fortunately this is all fixable but not if you don't collect your balls and quit being such a pussy. Don't get me wrong, break-ups SUCK and the suffering can be intense. But only YOU can make it better and only YOU can make it worse. There is one simple rule when you get dumped by someone that you really like. DO NOT HAVE ANY CONTACT OF ANY KIND FOR AT LEAST 3 MONTHS. Now let's talk about what no contact actually means: - You block her number- You block her email - You unfriend her/unfollow her/etc. as well as anyone that she is friends with - You DO NOT spend time with anyone that could tell you what she is up to - You DO NOT use a friend's account to check out her FaceBook or whatever If you are doing this correctly she could die and you wouldn't know about it for those three months. Next, hit the gym every day for the next month. Not 3x a week. Not 5x a week. SEVEN DAYS A WEEK. Drink ZERO alcohol for the next month. FUCKING ZERO. A drunk broken hearted guy will text her and regret it. Create an online dating profile and start going on dates. I don't care if your heart isn't 100% in it. You need to see that there are other women (BETTER women) that would love to be with you. If you choose not to do those things then you are the architect of your own suffering. If you do them you will be shocked by how much better you will feel in a week, a month, etc. Six months from now you will look back at how you are acting now and want to get into a time machine and pistol whip yourself. Good luck.

  • Enrico 2015-05-09 17:34:36

    @Dawson Stone A.) I was walking with friends on her street and saw it from the window bro.. B.) Sure we were broken up but it is hard for me to accept that other men get my girl, but now I do not give a fuck what she is doing, because I'm disappointed and just want to go my way but my ego want's to fuck her a last time (yes it sounds really crazy). C.) Bro I did not block her number, just deleted. Thanks man for your support, it motivates me to go my own way by ignoring her and just to be cool. I started the no contact and my target is focused. I will not contact her in any kind of way. Thanks!

  • Darren 2015-05-13 12:47:43

    @Dawson had I read your/bd/RT comments earlier, I wouldnt be in this shit presently. its like the Oracle explaining it to Neo in the Matrix. You know its ego and needs to be ignored, yet, the feelings of missing her, missing the things she used to do, missing looking into her eyes, missing having dinners etc etc... keeps on lingering in your mind even months after the breakup. its been 3 months now, last contact was on May 7. I am 'definitely' not giving in this time. Her birthday is on June 7. i do wish to wish her, but wont. already begged and pleaded enough. No more now.   thanks for the support guys. I have read your comments over and over and over again to understand them as deeply as I could and there is only one conclusion.....let her go!

  • Dawson Stone 2015-05-13 13:14:52

    @Darren Glad you have found people's comments on here helpful. Let me add a few more thoughts. One of the best ways to get over emotions (there is no getting around feeling them but how long they keep their grip on you can be mitigated) is to introduce objectivity whenever possible. Was she: the smartest woman you ever met? the most facially beautiful? have the best body? the most exciting and adventurous in bed? the most ambitious? the most self aware and emotionally intelligent? etc. In case you aren't sure the answer to all the above if "no." When you catch yourself remembering some positive aspect of her or your relationship just remind yourself of the above. Even if she was high value there are TONS of high value women out there. I hope it goes without saying that not only should you have no contact but you should have blocked/deleted any way to contact her now even if you wanted to. Good luck.

  • Ryan 2015-05-14 14:18:25

    Completely ignore her for at least four months.   BD: Man, this shit is tough. I mean, I have done 7 days so far and it is driving me crazy. I forgot to brush my teeth this morning! & 4 months - dang!! But, I'll do it. Keep my self strong and do it anyways.

  • Steve B 2015-05-19 15:13:53

    Credit to BD on this...straight up one of the best "in your face" blogs with honest, no BS content I've seen in a long time!  I read entries from the entire thread and still didn't see a couple questions addressed that I have. 1) I totally understand the NC rule and holding to it no matter how hard.  However, (and I know every girl and relationship is different), but is the NC strategy just effective to get her to continue periodic sex and we should settle for that long term or is there success with it bringing her back for a long term relationship so you can get back to banging her every day? 2) Should we consider it a success if it means we are resorting to sharing her with other guys on a regular basis and brings back sex with her just once every 2-4 weeks or so? 3) If we are bringing them back just for sex and have to settle knowing we are likely not the only guy in she's talking to and we know from past experience she's on the pill, but doesn't like condoms, shouldn't we be leary about catching what one of these other guys might have?

  • Blackdragon 2015-05-19 18:15:19

    is the NC strategy just effective to get her to continue periodic sex and we should settle for that long term or is there success with it bringing her back for a long term relationship so you can get back to banging her every day?
    Keeping a long-term relationship is of course possible, but that's a completely different set of techniques. This thread is about what to do after she leaves. Your question is more about what to do before she leaves. Completely different topic.
     Should we consider it a success if it means we are resorting to sharing her with other guys on a regular basis and brings back sex with her just once every 2-4 weeks or so?
    As opposed to never having sex with her ever again, like with most monogamous relationships? Yes. Never forget what you're comparing this to.
    If we are bringing them back just for sex and have to settle knowing we are likely not the only guy in she’s talking to and we know from past experience she’s on the pill, but doesn’t like condoms, shouldn’t we be leary about catching what one of these other guys might have?
    If she's actively fucking other men, yes. You need to see an original copy of a recent STD test, otherwise you keep the condom on when you have sex with her.

  • Whitedragon 2015-05-20 21:11:48

    I have been sad beyond belief for the past seven weeks because my boss broke up with me after three incredible secretive months together.  I found this blog and it has really changed my mind about the likelihood of her coming back.  I realized today that Blackdragon is exactly right.  I looked back on my past and these examples came up: 1) I was in bed with my girlfriend in 2009 when another woman I was occasionally sleeping with came to my door at 1am and refused to leave until I met her outside.  This resulted in her leaving in an angry huff an hour later AND my girlfriend breaking up with me in the morning after one long sleepless night.  Looking back, I was sleeping with the girlfriend again in just one month, and I was sleeping with the other woman in about six months.  They really do come back. 2) I was with another woman on a trip to Vegas in 2007.  Words were exchanged and an ugly breakup ensued.  She switched seats with me on our flight home and she told me to never contact her again.  Three years later we slept together and then she married someone else whom she now regrets choosing over me!  They really do come back So, here I am reading Blackdragon's amazing blog and all of these wonderful comments from people who've gone through the same things and suddenly I realized - why am I worried, they really do come back.  I've seen it, first hand, three times and counting.  And let me tell you:  I didn't know about the four month rule back then, but in every case I was actually already ignoring them simply because I had lost all hope.  But they all came back!  I hope this helps some of you 🙂

  • James 2015-05-24 16:14:04

    I broke up with my ex a few days ago because she wanted a "break". I acted cool and it wasnt a bad breakup, been on NC since. She sent me a message saying "hey" two days ago, I didn't respond, and yesterday said "hey" again to which I also didn't respond to.   Am I doing the wrong thing by not responding if I want her to boomerang?

  • POB 2015-05-24 18:42:50

    Am I doing the wrong thing by not responding if I want her to boomerang?
    James, read the post and the comments. - 4 months minimum no contact (6 or more is better); - fuck other women ASAP; - after that pitch a date on your place, escalate, sex...if she does not comply, rinse and repeat the whole process;

  • Steve B 2015-05-25 06:31:35

    @POB....I've seen both strategies in the posts on James question about whether or not to respond to texts so soon after the breakup/separation.  BD said (in the beginning of the blog) that if she initiates the contact, it's a good sign and ok to proceed with a meet up and then into her pants, but you are saying it's best to wait much longer and continue to ignore, I'm guessing to hopefully make her miss you more and second guess herself. Is it really best to just assume that if she texts you, and you get the sign from her she wants to meet to jump on the chance right away, or could the staying to the ignoring long after after she texts you a few times seal the deal on her thinking "oh well, he's moved on for good" and missing your chance with her?  Or are they both good strategies and it depends on other factors on which strategy to use?

  • Dawson Stone 2015-05-25 09:06:09

    @James It depends on your state of mind and your goals. Do you have a bit of oneitis with her? Do you simply want to have sex with her again from time-to-time or do you want to be back in a relationship with her again (I would say "hell no" to this but that's another conversation)? If you are still hung up on her at all I wouldn't "not respond" I would block her number so responding or not responding isn't even an issue. If she wants to contact you again there are a million ways for her to do so and the fact that she has to escalate her level of effort to contact you improves the power dynamic between you substantially. If you really aren't that hung up on her I guess I would ask why bother? If you two were dating exclusively for a while wouldn't you want something new and exciting versus someone you have already had a bunch of times? But if you are going to bother (for whatever reason) I would quickly escalate and make it clear that if you are going to meet with her it is for sex (be nice about it but firm) and if she doesn't want to, no problem but then block whatever new form of communication she used and move on. Again, if she wants to reconnect with you on YOUR terms it will be easy for her to do so.

  • POB 2015-05-25 11:51:20

    Or are they both good strategies and it depends on other factors on which strategy to use?
    It's my personal opinion that going back to giving her attention so soon is a minus because: 1) you're doing it in her own terms. She asked for it, you gave it away for no good reason. No DHV my friend, her pussy just dried out on you; 2) you're still in an emotional state. You can bullshit yourself all you want, but after a break-up with a woman you like you are not outcome independent. This is why going out and/or doing other girls is a better way to test independency. If you still have deep feelings for her, you'll notice it right away when you're around other women who want to get intimate. It's not easy to become outcome independent! You have to put yourself to the test over and over again. This is why we say you should fuck other women ASAP, specially after a break up. Any girl who's at least fuckable to you is ok. More than one is better. The ocean is full of fish!!! Gotta have the balls to get on that boat and sail away from your comfort island.

  • James 2015-05-25 17:40:18

    @Dawson Honestly I do want to get back together at some point, I know what I did wrong in the relationship, she fell in love with me cause I put myself first and had an alpha mindset, but gave in to her needs as time went on and became the bitch in the relationship. This week post breakup has made me feel great about myself and how I now learned so much from being with her. I've hooked up with two former FWBs since breakup, but shits not the same, I felt like an emotional wreck after both because in my mind I wanna be with my ex and these girls just don't cut it.

  • Steve B 2015-05-25 18:13:14

    Another thing that I would think is a factor that I haven't seen discussed on this thread is whether or not the NC zone will benefit all types of guys (alpha 2.0, alpha 1.0 and beta) or would it vary based on her already knowing the type you are and what she is looking for?

  • Whitedragon 2015-05-25 18:29:44

    @ James I agree with you.  I'm eight weeks down the sudden breakup road now, but only seven days into full No Contact.  I've been with three different FWBs during the past two months, but nothing has made me remotely begin to forget her.  I've also started hanging out with two other women just to fill the time and do the things that I always loved doing with her - long walks, wine bars, dining, long talks, etc.  All of these things lessen the impact of not having her around, but the only thing that really seems to help is getting one day further down the No Contact road.  Each No Contact day gets easier and I suppose that there is a "hump" after which you really do begin to forget about her somewhat more each day.  It seems like only then can your mind begin to relax and she will usually, around the same time, begin to remember all of the good things you shared while letting go of whatever negativity drove her away.  Jon Favreau's character in Swingers went through exactly the same emotional breakup S'storm that many of the posters in this string have endured - and Vince Vaughan described to him exactly why and how forgetting about her is the ONLY thing that begins to make her start thinking of you again.  If you've never seen that movie, I recommend that you rent it tonight.  Jon's torment is our torment and his redemption is the moment many of us wish for.

  • Dawson Stone 2015-05-25 18:36:20

    @James Let me say it in a different way. If you can get a women back sexually you can usually get her back into a relationship.  Your problem is your oneitis will kill ANY chance of having the right power dynamic. I mean you sound like her pussy is made of gold and her nipples spray Cristal champagne. I have been with hundreds of women and sure some are hotter than others and some are better in bed than others and some are smarter than others and some are cooler than others but there really isn't THAT big a difference except IN YOUR MIND! So long as you act like this one particular chick is SomeOneSpecial, NotLikeTheRest, etc. you are not going to get her back with the right power dynamic. The irony is the only way you will get her back on the terms you want is when you don't want her back (or are ambivalent to if she comes back). I am sorry but that's the cold honest truth. Best of luck to you.

  • POB 2015-05-26 05:51:36

    I really wish there was a magic oneitis pill to cure all you guys. And I do not say that in a good manner. You need to man-up right now! Take the fucking hit and go meet other women for fucks sake! Stop trying to win her back, to guess what she's up, to count the days you're not together...just stop that beta shit once and for all. You're drooling over something that was never yours in the first place. If you ever want to fuck her again (and I said fuck, not get back together in a monogamous shitty relationship that will never work long term), set the alarm clock on your smartphone to tick after 6 months and go have fun! I don't care if you don't have feelings for the new women you're fucking, continue to do that (and add new ones to the fold) and soon enough she'll be just another one who left some good memories on you. She's not that important damn it!!! Focus your attention and efforts to better yourself and to fulfill your mission and go be happy.

  • Dawson Stone 2015-05-26 07:37:30

    @POB Amen brother.

  • Steve B 2015-05-26 09:39:45

    Dude I totally hear you, but not everyone is in the same place in their life.  Not saying this is me, but some guys on here may have been in an engagement and planning to start a family with the girl.  I mean things like "just snap out of it" and "go fuck other women whether you have an interest in them or not" the day after you break up isn't exactly realistic and I'm not trying to be a "Debbie/Danny Downer" or whatever, but fuck a little realism needs to be considered also, lol.  It's no doubt this is what is needed to mentally move on and not fall into a 6 month depression, but it ain't gonna happen overnight with every guy whether they are a whiny Beta or not.

  • POB 2015-05-26 11:49:57

    @Steve B I know what you're saying and yes, I partially agree with you, but if these guys are coming to places like this they are clearly seeking to improve their relationship lives. If BD, Dawson and myself say things that sound cold or harsh or angry is because we've been there before. And we will never go back again. In my case I say "thank you" in my thoughs everyday, specially to some good old friends that had the balls to tell me the cold-hearted truth when I needed it (without regards for how I was feeling in that particular moment). That's what real friends do! Remember: It does not worth it to feel like that for anyone! Life has much more to offer! If you think carefully you'll see that in all those cases suffering is a choice. You can choose to suffer or you can choose to be happy! Simple as that. Mind you I never said it was gonna be easy! In fact it's quite the opposite, because untill you become good you'll be served bowls and bowls of shit from women if you try to behave like an Alpha. They'll test you till your balls drop. But in the end it's totally worth the effort.

  • Dawson Stone 2015-05-26 12:30:18

    @Steve B Even if you want a relationship because "some guys on here may have been in an engagement and planning to start a family with the girl" the same premises apply. The point POB and I are trying to make is if you set up things with a scarcity mentality you have royally screwed yourself and done so unnecessarily. And for me it isn't a matter of "snap out of it" or "just go fuck someone" but of being objective, rational and level headed. Anyone that can remove their ego and emotions from the equation (and Jesus it isn't that hard) will make far better decisions. I can make the argument for days that men shouldn't marry but even if I were to concede that some men might want to get married all the same rules still apply. If you have to have any control in your life and marriage you HAVE TO have options and keep those options available. A women that knows her husband will only stay married if he is treated well WILL BE TREATED WAY BETTER.

  • James 2015-05-26 12:47:29

    @Dawson and POB I got another text from my ex saying "are you going to answer me?" Should I respond to this one or not?

  • Dawson Stone 2015-05-26 13:06:19

    @James What part of BLOCK HER FUCKING NUMBER is confusing to you? Then you don't have a decision to make. You clearly are not in a place where you can be outcome independent so block every possible way for her to communicate with you. Hit the gym. Spend time with friends and family. Travel. Read. Get your head on straight. She may boomerang again when you aren't in such a bad place. She may not. Either way it is for the best.

  • Steve B 2015-05-26 16:36:19

    @ Dawson & POB Thanks for taking a minute to go into more detail and explain that you guys do know where I'm coming from.  You guys are so good and right about pounding in our heads that it's all about learning from what happened, realizing that you still have everything you did before you got shit on and then preparing yourself to never let it happen again by keeping and maintaining all options.  If one goes down, you've got the others to lift you up.  Almost like a mutual fund investment versus investing all your money in just one stock, lol.  But anyway something inside does find it fucking tough as hell to comprehend that marriage almost isn't even an option anymore for guys if we want to be happy.  We all want to believe that those that we can be one of those "happy" in love couples that we see walking around (and ya I know some are faking it and behind closed doors they aren't), but there are tons of others that swear they really share so many things in common and enjoy each other as best friends as well as lovers.  If you've been living the single life a long time and your in your middle years and ready for someone to share life with, it's like where the fuck can we find that and trust that without getting shit on?  Because divorce has got to be 10 times worse especially if kids are involved.  Anyway, I know this isn't for this thread so not looking for a response.

  • Dawson Stone 2015-05-27 03:58:16

    @Steve B Here is another less hopeless way to think about it. I use God as a near perfect analogy. I am an atheist and do not believe there is a God. However, I certainly can't know this for a fact. It would be great if there is a heaven for me to go to when I die but I certainly am not going to live my life like that's the case. Women and relationships can be the same way. I have so many wonderful women in my life. All ages, races, levels of intelligence and education, etc. I cannot imagine getting married again, having kids again, living with someone again, being monogamous again. But in the same way I allow for the possibility of God and heaven I allow that any of the above while EXTREMELY unlikely is still possible. I simply say to myself let that be the SIDE EFFECT and not the GOAL of any romantic relationship I might have. I am still VIGILANT to always remaining objective about the women in my life but anything is possible. Just my $0.02 worth.

  • POB 2015-05-27 06:28:58

    If you’ve been living the single life a long time and your in your middle years and ready for someone to share life with, it’s like where the fuck can we find that and trust that without getting shit on?
    @Steve B, this is a perfect example of the wrong mindset you're into. The answer to these questions should be "I don't know" and "I don't care". Unlike BD and Dawson, I did not get married and I don't have kids. Even so I was engaged (more than once) and had some long monogamous relationships in the past, so I feel really confortable talking about being with the same woman for a long time. I'll try to be brief... I love my life! I work doing what I like (although there is a lot of room for improvement in this department), I have my own place, my finances are in check, I travel to where I want to, I have wonderful gorgeous women of all races and backgrounds sharing my bed, I have a loving and caring family, got few but trustworthy close friends, enjoy an awesome social circle, lift weights 4-5 times a week, look buffed and 7-8 years younger than my peers, etc, etc. Bottom line is my life rocks! Now enters a new woman (I'll call her Jane). Sex is awesome on the first weeks, we're getting along great! After two or three months Jane decides I might be a good provider and start to make demands. She says I don't give her enough attention, that next time I go abroad she wants to travel with me, wants to meet my friends, etc, etc. I talk to her, tell her I really like to spend time together but I will not compromise because I have other plans and things to acomplish right now. She asks me if I have other women, and I'm completely honest with her. She leaves a little sad but she understands who I am and say "thanks for your honesty". I get back to my awesome life and go see other women in my rotation, who are also gorgeous, caring and enjoy spending time with me. After ten months Jane texts me. Her boyfriend was (feel free to pick one): 1) caught cheating 2) boring and bad in bed 3) a controlling asshole 4) a douche who lived with his mom and did not know what to do with his life Now she needs an honest Real Man who really understands her. We meet. We have awesome sex. She gets back into my life knowing I have other women, and our relationship resumes as nothing ever happened. I'm telling you, this is real life stuff that happens to me in a regular basis. See my point? Do I want to settle down and have kids? Of course I do!!! But I know exactly how and when this will happen. It will happen when I decide it's the best time for me, regardless of any woman that gets into my life!!! Fuck what society expects, fuck if people look down on me or tell me I'm wrong doing this,  I   DO  NOT  CARE. It's my personal happiness who's at stake here, and it's more important than anyone else will ever be. I'll quit commenting on this thread because I really have nothing else to say. My last advice would be to quit being a stingy bastard and start to buy good books on the subject (BTW, BD's Alpha Male 2.0 book is awesome and worth every penny). Read more stuff about being a free independent Alpha Male because it's an awesome life that's worth 1000% living. Best of luck to all.  

  • Steve B 2015-05-27 11:46:55

    @ POB Thanks for being so candid.  Great example and it's basically what I do as well if I feel a woman is trying to come in make demands and change me which is the more typical case with me as well.  I also have my shit together, may not be rich, but call my shots, own my home, own my business, lift about 4-5 days at the gym, good shape, look 5 years younger than I am (according to what people say), etc. etc.  My problem is the complete opposite however.  Although it's not usually the case at all, so maybe once every 3-4 years, I will start dating someone I am really into and start thinking I want to be with her long term and I show interest in that and even though usually she doesn't have her finances together or have as much organization to her life, she either can't handle or doesn't desire being in a monogamous relationship.  Again, this is not usually what I am looking for, just those rare girls that come around once in awhile.  So it's the total opposite to your story.  The question is how to keep her, not how to keep her from getting to close.  But I know the advice will be you don't want to keep any of them, just keep them on the rotation.  All my point is that in some VERY rare instances you have relationships with let's say "special" ones  for whatever reason (looks, qualities, the way they make you feel, whatever) that you know only come around every 5 years max.  Those are the ONLY ones that fuck with my confidence, definitely not the others.

  • POB 2015-05-27 13:35:45

    @Steve, I’d say it’s just as simple: keep being happy and living a happy life. People need to realize that they have zero control about what other people feel, say or do. I can deeply love someone and that same person may not feel the same about me. That happens, it sucks, but it’s life. This is why I do not waste my time thinking about that anymore. If it ever happens that I love another woman someday (which I strongly believe will eventually occur) I’ll make damn sure to not spend a single second of my day worrying if she’ll ever leave me. If she doesn’t, cool, I will love her dearly and try my best to make us happy without damaging or suppressing my own happiness. If she does, well, I still love my life, have a mission and the sadness will eventually fade once I get back on track (which by the way will not take a lot of time or effort). It’s not that complicated!   Hope I’ve helped to shed a light on the matter.

  • Whitedragon 2015-05-27 13:37:13

    @ Steve B I'm in the same boat - the rare one that I could actually imagine never getting tired of just jumped ship when it became clear that I thought of her that way.  She has major intimacy issues - a little was fine, but just one tiny bit more was way too much.  I'd say that the only hope is to read the signs early that the special one is in fact an early jumper.  It's very likely that she'll let you know that early on, telling you that her friends all say that she always dumps guys way too soon.  This will make her sound picky but, in reality, it is just how she deals with intimacy.  Your job - if she is truly that special to you - is to figure out how far is too far, and then stay on the right side of the boundary.  Trust me, I know it's hard to do - but the alternative is the unanticipated dumping, right in the middle of what seems to you like mutual, fulfilling happiness.  I found this post (http://tinybuddha.com/blog/difference-between-setting-boundaries-and-shutting-people-out/) that was written by a woman who was not able to handle the closeness of a real relationship, and why that was the case for her.  Very interesting reading, and hopefully helpful.

  • Steve B 2015-05-27 14:01:33

    Thanks guys, appreciate the advice.  Seriously not a whiny helpless guy, just the opposite.  At some point in your life when you get "lucky" enough to be with that one and you put yourself out there and get your head chopped it's like FUCKKKKK!!!  Time is the healer and the advice you guys give going forward.

  • Alex 2015-05-27 20:27:36

    Hey guys, could really use some help/advice because my situation contains some elements not discussed in the article or the comments. What if you live in the same building and can’t have NC because you keep bumping into her AND to top it off You’re leaving the country in the coming months? So, moving out is not an option… I hope I’ll get some feeback, if not here’s my story for those interested: Started dating this lady with Boderline disorder…didn’t know back then. Everything was amazing, especially the very frequent sex. After a month, she gives me the cold shoulder for a week and then dumps me for silly reasons. When we were together, I was not acting Alpha, but certainly not needy either. She would be the one to initiate sex (she had one hell of a libido), to beg me to spend the night with her. She would often cry after sex telling how special I was and how good I was treating her and that she felt she didn’t deserve it. She even said “I love you”. She would go on and on about wanting to get married and have kids soon because she's 38... I was skeptical about the nice things she would say because of her Borderline Disorder symptoms and my ego being relatively under control (I didn’t feel flattered or special…). Anyways… The day she dumped me I tried to keep my cool and accepted her offer to be FWB (again, we live in the same building). We went out for dinner the same night she dumped me and once back at her place, I tried to escalate to sex (1 week without it after having it 3 times a day for almost a month…). She rejected me with the classic low libido/cycle thing…so I went back to my place. I bump into her the next day and go with her for groceries…seeing how indiferent she was to the whole thing, I fell into BETA mode and wanted to talk… She got angry and said she didn’t want to talk, that we are not getting back together and that the whole FWB was a bad idea…I said OK and just left. Couple of days later I got drunk and send her several angry messages about her playing me and waisting my time. Went NC for 3 weeks then sent her a message just asking if she was OK. She replied normally and I guess I went back to NC… After 2 months of NC, I bump into her and she says “oh you’re still alive?”. I ignored the comment and just acted cool (“Hey what’s up? how have you been…”). I wonder if I should keep the NC strategy because: 1) I’ll keep bumping into her and be forced to act cool which sucks big time. Moving out is just not an option 2) I’m leaving the country in 6-8 months so I’m now in a “nothing to loose” mentality. She can’t move out of the country and I can’t stay anyways. 3) There’s obviously no serious future for us, but I wonder if there’s anything I can do for us to be FWB for my remaining time here, despite my beta downfall. And YES, I know that deep down I want more than just sex. I guess my ego wants to prove her that I can bang her, give her all the emotional comfort she once needed, without asking anything in return. I was thinking of sending her a message to let her know that I’m leaving the country soon and that in the meantime if she ever wants to “hang out” at my place she’s welcome (She’ll know I’m not looking for anything other than being a FWB). The other option is to keep bumping into her, getting “hurt” and then leave the country with one hell of a failure as a souvenir. BTW, I’m banging lots of other hot women, hitting the gym and keeping busy but I just can’t get her out of my mind. Boomerang effect is just unlikely in my case because of the future geographic distance between us. Any advice is welcome.

  • Dawson Stone 2015-05-27 22:54:22

    @Alex This is a no-brainer. DO NOT CONTACT THIS CHICK AGAIN. You are already 0-2 contacting her first. Are you a glutton for punishment? And for the record you should never date/bang anyone where you work, live or workout. It always ends badly and you don't want to change jobs, move or change gyms. I could ask the obvious question about why on Earth you "...want more than just sex" with a woman you describe as insane but I won't. Oh wait, I just did. 😉 If there is any chance this chick will boomerang the only way that will happen is if you let her contact you first (which I won't lie seems unlikely given how you have handled things up to this point). If she does contact you first escalate to sex immediately. If she says no, return to no contact until she contacts you again. Rinse and repeat. Listen, everyone has done this at least once. Learn from it. Remember it. The fact that it is a bit painful for a few months will hopefully teach you a lesson that hopefully you won't ever repeat. And NEVER EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES be emotionally punishing when things end with a woman. Zero upside. Learn from it and move on. Any efforts you make to try to fix it now will only make it worse

  • Steve B 2015-05-28 17:42:34

    I have one more comment for everyone on this thread......women think they are so fucking sly with their coy, deceiving manipulative ways and that we are easy prey and suckers to comply with whatever motives they have.  FUCK THEM!! (and I don't mean literally)  I am damned if I am going to go down into a fucking depression or let it affect my attitude to the point I'm irritable and pissed off with other people I come in contact with and that have no clue why you are in that mood.  I know there's tons of you that are experiencing that kind of crap right now as you stare out the window wondering what you could have done better or what you did wrong.  Don't fucking give in and let them win by getting the best of you.  Listen to BD, Dawson and POB and move on with your life and what comes back comes back and what doesn't doesn't and fuck her!!  Have the mindset of being in a place 6 months from now that is so damn good she will be so fucking jealous of you she won't be able to stand it.  And just say over and over and over (with a smile)....fuck you bitch, you are the one that will be sorry, not me!

  • Steve B 2015-05-28 19:35:39

    Possible tips for you, but I yield to BD, POB and Dawson as I am not sure if they will agree.... If you want to instill possible jealousy in your ex that broke up with you....consider this.  If she is still occasionally texting you or calling but just out of supposed sympathy with no indication of wanting to see you, consider telling her that you either rented out another bedroom in your place to a new roommate.  Obviously she will inquire to see if it's a guy or girl and then you can reveal or not, but either way, it will peak her curiosity. Or you can say you have a new girl you've been seeing and it might not be best to see her (your ex) right now.  I would be curious to see if BD, POB and Dawson think this is a wise strategy to instill a little jealousy in the ex in hopes she would stew on it and contemplate coming back or at least seeing you again.  If so, after how long of a NC period and possibly not returning calls or texts? Btw....I recently tried to do this and found a really cute girl at Wing House (like Hooters) that wanted to move in, perfect to create jealousy in my ex, but then she dropped the "can my boyfriend come over to visit?" I said, sorry, I rented to somebody else, lol

  • Dawson Stone 2015-05-29 07:10:53

    @Steve While I applaud the creativity I don't agree. If you are scheming ways to get her back, make her jealous, etc. you have already lost the battle. The opposite of love is NOT hate but ambivalence. Yes there is some possibility that a move like that might work for some very short period of time (and it might not work at all) but in the end it will end the same way. What you need is a PERMANENT shift in the power dynamic. Imagine you had 4-5 young, fit, attractive, intelligent women that were low drama, sweet, and rock stars in bed. 2 or 3 of these girls were asking you if it would be ok if their even cuter girlfriend could join you two for a threesome from time-to-time. That you biggest problem was having enough nights in the week to fuck them all and still have any time for the gym, friends and family. If that were the case you wouldn't even have time to think about "what's her name." You cannot fake ambivalence. You need to create ambivalence. It is true that a happy life is the best revenge. But what is ALSO true is that when you are really happy revenge doesn't even cross your mind because you are too busy being happy. Once you have achieved true ambivalence is when there is the greatest chance she might boomerang (which is NOT the reason to be ambivalent and happy of course) and boomerang on your terms. Best of luck.

  • Steve B 2015-05-30 21:03:54

    After she calls me and after probing says ok for a meet up,....this may be a dumb question, but are there any conditions (depending on what is asked and how it's asked) where it's ok to ask her (in a very subtle way) about why things changed with us from her viewpoint in an effort to see what may have made a difference? The idea being that since some time has passed by this point, maybe she would be able to see the logic and that I'm listening to her and making an effort.  

  • Eb 2015-06-02 18:34:54

    "I can’t speak for anyone else, but one of my personal standards is that I will never have sex with a woman who is dating or married to a man I already personally know. Too much potential for drama there. But if I don’t personally know the guy and she wants to have sex with me? It’s game on."   That's pretty immoral, dontcha think?   But if pussy is all that matters to you, then go for it. Just know it's not very strong of you. It's actually quite weak. No attacks here. Just the motha fuggin truth.

  • Blackdragon 2015-06-02 20:23:58

    Just know it’s not very strong of you. It’s actually quite weak. No attacks here. Just the motha fuggin truth.
    Please explain to me how having sex with an attractive women who wants to have sex with me is weak. I can't wait to hear your answer.

  • SteveB 2015-06-06 01:31:18

    Guys.....here is a big one (for me anyway) that I haven't seen addressed on this thread.  I have had success with and, in the past, without NC with this girl who is truly the hottest girl I've ever been with (seen her off and on since last October) and who "says" she would consider getting back with me (as she adds...but what's the rush? lol).  Yes she briefly moved in twice, very briefly. Anyway, she calls/texts and we hangout and occasionally have sex.  However, I feel it my gut that the only way I can ever increase the likelihood of her permanent return is a longer NC period where I am too busy for her at times and not available to do things so that she knows she might lose me.  She has recently come to find, and I'm sure suspected all along, that I have other girls contacting me (as she saw a couple texts and calls coming in) but still believes I don't act on any of them and I mainly haven't in the past 6 months. That's where my question comes in.  When we do get together and do something like going to the beach for a fun festival type event going on.  How the hell does a guy resist asking the hottest (seriously) girl you know and who you know is cool with you for a continuation of plans that day or another day?   For instance, "hey, I bought tickets to the comedy show for us next Wednesday that you wanted to go to"?  Or "do you want to go to dinner or out drinking when we're done here?" Is that an absolute stupid thing to do and is it making myself "too available" too often or is it game on as long as she's having fun?   Because one of the hardest things for me.....is purposely NOT allowing myself to be available if she is the one who initiates contacting me.  Because I know she will hangout with me occasionally to do things, but my goal is her moving back in.  Btw...when we do get together, it doesn't lead to sex every time, only about 1/4 or 1/3 of the time and all of these things we do, dinners, places we go, etc. seriously adds up, but if it is just going to keep me in more of an occasional FWB thing and not a possible re-relationship than I need to change things quickly or she'll think I'll always be there as a future back-up.  It's wearing on my hopes, mental fortitude and patience all while I deal with absolutely knowing I need to keep cultivating other chances with other females to keep the confidence from dropping.

  • Steve 2015-06-17 18:34:41

    I have a new twist to the thread that may apply to others.  What if you discover that you thought you were going out with the girl, but in actuality you were just being played into thinking your were exclusive with her the whole time?  When she ends it, does it even qualify for the guy to be on this thread as someone who she "broke up" with? This girl it turns out has been seeing multiple guys since last August and covering her tracks better than Ted Bundy.  I know each of them think they are the only guy.  She gets financial, physical and emotional favors from each of them and tells them all to be patient she wants to be with them long term, but to not "rush" things.  I want to be with you after I finish school in a year and a half and have kids with you.  Each time you try to say to her "actions speak louder than words" and "I don't believe you really care about me because why wouldn't you spend more time with me if I mean that much to you?"  She then comes back with "Well that's not true, but if you feel that way, oh well I guess you don't want to be with me despite me always telling you that I want to be with you".  In other words she just turns it around on you for being the one with disgruntled feelings. Is it really worth her toying with your feeling and your mind to just have occasional once every three weeks sex?  BD, Dawson and POB....I have a feeling that more than one of us needs advice on this.  The sooner the better because I am about to say adios for good and call her bluff once and for all with complete long term NC and she'll eventually she'll realize she lost someone who really loved her.

  • Dave 2015-06-18 07:54:48

    Well the same BS for me…I posted about this chick in March/April…we broke up, then we kinda got back together, but I hadn't moved back in. Then we went on holiday, and she started her shit again. Name calling, accusations, drama, the lot. Then I find out that during our first breakup, she had been hot for this guy with an Aston convertible. She was spotted in his car back in April. When we were on holiday, I asked her if she knew someone with a car like that. She said no. I blew it off. Then after we get back I get pulled to the side in the pub by a friend of mine that told me about this guy. He said that she was really wanting to date this guy but he backed off or whatever. But now he was back in the picture. So, after a bunch of avoidance, I drove by her house, and the guy's car was in front of her house. I didn't knock on the door, I just went back to my place and texted her. She was busted. The next day she tried to turn it around on me, and say that she was humiliated when I texted, and all the usual drama. Was I upset? Yes Hurt? Yes, badly. I caught her in a lie. I don't think they are having sex, but who cares now. She says she needs space and time to figure out herself. All BS. But, the sad part is that if she owned up to it, she'd be better off. So here we are again, not speaking and she may not realize that I'm not chasing her anymore. I have had enough of being told I'm not good enough, not enough money, I'm unhappy, etc. But she said she doesn't want me to disappear. It is just tough to let her go and the kids, who I adore, and they love me. She's just gonna have to live with this, and find out that I am a great guy the hard way. She's very stubborn and selfish, so she may never. She will be back as soon as this rich guy gets bored. Then she can beg me like I did her for 3 years. Dave

  • Dawson Stone 2015-06-18 10:31:12

    @ SteveB Are you not reading any of the comments? All this wasted energy over a chick just because she has nice pieces and parts. Seriously? Your issue is oneitis and what I can guarantee you is that the more you pine over this chick the less likely she is going to come back to you in any shape or form. And from what you have described I am guessing you are her 3rd string at best. Have some self respect and let this chick go. If she contacts you escalate immediately to sex. If she doesn't go for it let it go. Rinse and repeat. Shit, you barely have any control over your own thoughts and actions...trying to influence control over hers is a waste of time and energy and won't work anyway. @Dave Not to put too fine a point on it but do you realize what a needy bitch you sound like? Sorry to say this but if I was her I wouldn't be interested in you either.

    Was I upset? Yes Hurt? Yes, badly. I caught her in a lie. I don’t think they are having sex, but who cares now...She’s just gonna have to live with this, and find out that I am a great guy the hard way. She’s very stubborn and selfish, so she may never...She will be back as soon as this rich guy gets bored. Then she can beg me like I did her for 3 years.
    Why do you care? It is just your ego fucking with you. Find someone who WANTS to be with you...is DYING to be with you. Chasing a woman that isn't into you is perhaps one of the dumbest things a man can do (and we do lots of really dumb things). Even if you got what you wanted it would be an awful outcome. She would hold all the power and you would be her bitch. Have lots of options...better options and then maybe just maybe you can get to a place where you have the power back. But if you get there you will see you didn't really want her in the first place.

  • Steve 2015-06-18 13:12:35

    Point taken thanks, just baffles me that a chick can look you in the face and say repeatedly "I've told you how I feel about you and that I want to see you, but I wish I had more time for us between work and everything else......what do you want me to do?"  It's like she knows exactly how to keep your heart in the game.  As if words and no action is actually going to keep a guy on the hook forever.  Why would she even waste her time when she can cultivate new exciting romances?  I just don't get how they (women like this) think they are coming out ahead, but whatever.  No response needed, thanks Dawson.

  • Steve 2015-06-18 15:59:46

    Seems like a stupid question, but timing is everything so let me ask you Dawson and BD.....when you say "if she contacts you escalate immediately to sex".....is it stupid or wise to right up front before you meet ask on the phone if we can have sex or do you wait until you meet up and she's back at your house to persuade her to sex?  Also, since getting her to the house is not a problem, if she says she doesn't "feel" like having sex or is "on her period"....should I complain right there about her not putting out again or just let it roll off my shoulders and then  when she calls again, treat it differently by saying I can meet up, but only IF we're having sex?  Which is your advised method for all of us on here so we aren't wasting our time on the wrong approach?

  • Dawson Stone 2015-06-18 16:33:43

    @Steve You do it via text. Do NOT do it in person. She doesn't come over unless she knows in advance it is to have sex with you. This is an extreme example but I recently had one chick that was giving me a bit of an attitude and I had kicked out of rotation beg her way back in. My condition for letting her back in was she had to come over to my apartment and was not allowed to speak a word. She had to come in, take her clothes off, have sex and leave and was not allowed to speak a word. I call this the "Helen Keller." The other thing I would do is DOUBLE BOOK. If she is coming over at 8pm have another chick booked for 10pm. If she comes over at 8 and all goes well cancel your 10. If not, tell her nicely that she has to leave and then keep your 10. I would also suggest escalating her even further via text after you have your hookup session scheduled. This way you remain as outcome independent as possible. "I hope you are going to it make up to me for your shitty attitude with that body of yours tonight." "What are you going to be wearing for me tonight? Not that you will be wearing it long." Don't worry about scaring her off. That's the goal. You don't want her coming over unless she 100% wants to and 100% wants to have sex with you. If she is wishy washy about it you don't want her. She had better REALLY want to come over and fuck you or else she doesn't get to. Simple as that. The chick I Helen Keller-ed the other night is 1/3 my age (yes you read that right) and very attractive. But I set up the power dynamic in my favor and as a result I tolerate zero bullshit, game playing and drama. But let me be specific about how I would do it when hearing from an ex by using an example from a few weeks ago. I hooked up with this girl about a year ago. She's 21 and very attractive. Here is the exact transcript: HER: "Dawson, it's Ashley. I'm upset we left off on a bad note. Now you don't even bother texting me back anymore. I've been wanting to talk to you. :(" ME: "We didn't leave off on a bad note. I was never upset with u" HER: "I thought you were. I was hesitant to reach out to you because I thought you'd reject me." HER: "I've matured a great deal since last year. I think we should give it another try. Let's meet for lunch/drinks around noon?" ME: "I get to the city a couple of days a week. But if we are going to re-connect I want it to start in my bedroom. I want to make sure you can do as you are told." HER: "I will have to be your girlfriend for those special privileges and I already gave you an idea of how awesome it could be." ME: "lol. That's not how this works. I totally understand if that doesn't work for u." Two day delay in her responding...I honestly had forgotten about our exchange until I saw the response below. HER: "OK. What's your new address and what time would you like me there?" Then I double booked her. She was 6pm and I scheduled a 9pm as a backup and I was 100% outcome independent.

  • Dave 2015-06-19 00:50:16

    Thanks Dawson. I know it's sounds and looks bad. And, of course, EVERYONE that knows her, and some who don't that I have spoken about this, tells me to never speak to her again. I just need to let her go. I am trying. It is hard. She knows how I feel. And she has the advantage. It's been nearly 4 years of trying to prove myself to her. But, I am getting in great shape. I have lost 40 pounds, I'm in the gym 4-5 days a week. I guess I need to get on tinder and POF and start hitting it with some hot chicks now. It may be the only way I get past this woman. It's funny how ego and emotions can really plague your thoughts and self control. We have tickets to Fleetwood Mac in a week, and I paid a fortune for them. Waste of money now...

  • Steve 2015-06-19 08:11:35

    @Dave.......put those tix online asap (craigslist, amazon, etc.) unless you can get another girl that is worth it to you to go with of course.   I've had to do it also ironically to only be back on again with the same girl days after the show is over.  Cost of doing "business" in a world where chicks have all the advantages.

  • Steve 2015-06-19 08:25:19

    @Dawson......got it thanks.  Granted I think you will tell me it is more tricky with  girl that you have been seeing and allowing to see you and hang out even at the house without demanding sex.  Changing that requirement I would think is much harder than with a girl that doesn't already have history of no specific demands.  By the way, not sure it is matters, but this girl is 25 years old and smoking hot and is a model.  Incredible all natural 34DD Playmate level body. She has is cool with sex, but like once every two weeks, not near as often as I want or need.

  • Dawson Stone 2015-06-19 08:37:12

    @Steve People accept what you give them. If you tolerate certain behavior, that is what they get used to. You may not be able to "re-train" this one but so what. Move on and find another chick that looks like that. I promise there are TONS of them out there. If you treat a woman like she is one-in-a-million she is going to expect to be treated that way. I am not saying treat them badly but don't treat them like they are higher value than you are or you are screwed. Next time you have sex with this one, make a video and then any time you want to relive the experience play it back. 🙂

  • Steve 2015-06-20 16:33:54

    @ Dawson....I love the double booking strategy, but if they are both coming to your house I'm sure it can be risky if one would happen to come early or stick around after and watch your door.  Anyway, I have something else I absolutely have to ask about and something I haven't seen talked about on here yet.  What is your feeling and BD's feeling on when you are out with your girl and she is constantly on here cell texting every 4-5 minutes.  I bite my tongue every time because I don't want to go Beta on here, but all I can think is are all these texts and her smirking expressions really only in response to her girlfriends?  How do you guys not give a shit about that?  As long as you are getting sex from her it doesn't matter to you?

  • Dawson Stone 2015-06-21 12:48:04

    @Steve That never happens to me.  A chick that is on her phone the whole time isn't that into you. And I don't go out with chicks that aren't really into me. Most of the women if they have to do something on their phone usually apologize before they pick up their phone and say, "I am sorry but I am waiting for a message about my work schedule" or some such. To be fair, I too am not on my phone. There are four key variables in my opinion and you have to optimize them for yourself: - How hot the girl is - How much drama the girl is - How expensive the girl is - How much fun (both in and out of bed) the girl is While it might seem nice you can never have all four. You can never get (and keep) a chick that is a near perfect 10, zero drama, zero/low cost and super fun and sexual. But regardless you should never waste time with a girl that isn't that into you. If she is on the phone that much I would hook up with her once and move on or move her to pure FB status because I doubt she will be texting when you are fucking. My guess is moving her to FB will be difficult or impossible because she wasn't that into you in the first place.

  • Steve 2015-06-21 13:19:03

    Thanks for making my day! lol  Despite that she says she wants a future with me (but not to rush it) and that she wants to consider having a kid with me (she says she's nearing that time where she really wants one) it sounds like her actions don't match up with her words.  I love investing my heart and soul in something when it ends up not being appreciated.

  • Steve 2015-06-22 05:01:09

    @Dawson....Here was the text dialogue this morning on her way to work. Her: Good morning Me: Good morning, you must have had a good weekend Her: Yes I did Me: Good, I thought I might hear from you yesterday. Do you want to meet up? Her: Yes Me: When? Her: When I get out of class this evening Me: And I want to see you in bed when we do Her: We'll see how I'm feeling Me: Ok, but it's been awhile so Her: Sorry, I'm not a morning person Me: Ya I know, just be ready when we meet later because I want you I'll let you know how it goes.  It will be too late to double book and I am working on other prospects and almost there, but not to that point yet because I foolishly have been putting 90% of all my eggs in one basket the last 6 months. During that time only had sex on two occasions with two other girls. Never again!

  • Dawson Stone 2015-06-22 07:42:02

    @Steve A few missteps highlighted below: Her: Good morning Me: Good morning, you must have had a good weekend Dawson: Respond "gm" Why would you assume she had a good weekend and even if you did assume that why would you say so? Zero upside. Her: Yes I did Dawson: She rubs it in a little. Me: Good, I thought I might hear from you yesterday. Do you want to meet up? Dawson: Even if you did think you might hear from her yesterday why would you say so? Again, zero upside and makes you look needy and like you were waiting around for her to grace you with a text or phone call. Her: Yes Me: When? Dawson: I might instead say something like "Let me know a couple of times/days that might work for you." Your time is more valuable so she gives times first. Her: When I get out of class this evening Me: And I want to see you in bed when we do Dawson: This would be OK if the power dynamic was setup correctly (which is most certainly isn't) but because it isn't you get the expected result. Her: We’ll see how I’m feeling Dawson: That's French for "I have all the power and I will let you beg and plead a bit more before I even consider it." Me: Ok, but it’s been awhile so Dawson: So what do you do...on cue you proceed to beg a little. Her: Sorry, I’m not a morning person Dawson: French for she isn't a morning person for you. Me: Ya I know, just be ready when we meet later because I want you Dawson: Again this won't work because you have the dynamic setup all wrong. I wish you luck my friend but I'd bet $20...no make that $100 she either A) cancels or B) you see her and don't get any.

  • Steve 2015-06-22 09:15:18

    I have been getting texts from her during the day about other unrelated things like her past car insurance company, etc so I am sure I will see her later, but you're right whether she puts out is certainly not for sure. Remaining positibe. Point taken on the text dialogue. I need to stop the insinuational hints you referred to in the beginning thinking it will actually make her feel any sort of guilt. When she gets to the house tonight I am guessing that you will advise to establish sex before going to dinner to avoid her feeling rushed for time later if dinner runs late. If she squabbles, I am going to point out that just Friday she wants to keep seeing me and ok'd sex 100% going forward and that she has always been able to count on me for everything I do for her and I need the same from her if this is going work.

  • Dawson Stone 2015-06-22 14:18:12

    When she gets to the house tonight I am guessing that you will advise to establish sex before going to dinner to avoid her feeling rushed for time later if dinner runs late. If she squabbles, I am going to point out that just Friday she wants to keep seeing me and ok’d sex 100% going forward and that she has always been able to count on me for everything I do for her and I need the same from her if this is going work.
    No. No and No. I would cancel the date for tonight. Your power dynamic for this evening is totally blown. Dinner? Are you insane? Why would you take her to dinner if you don't know you are getting laid? Tell her something at work came up (or whatever) and you will have to reschedule. Quit making yourself so available. Pointing out what she said before cannot help you. You need to say less and act more. Next time you plan to have her over pour some wine and within a few minutes escalate to sex. Do not plan in advance that it will be dinner or anything else. Just a drink back at your place. If she is DTF she will be fine with that. Maybe do dinner after sex (so you can rest for round 2 after dinner) and only if you are hungry. Just my $0.02 worth.

  • Dawson Stone 2015-06-23 07:49:49

    @Steve So what happened? Inquiring minds want to know.

  • Dave 2015-06-24 03:40:50

    Guys, Ok, so my ex is now wanting to go to this concert on Friday we planned. How should I play this? I do not trust her, and I think she may seeing another guy as well. But, I agreed that we would go, and she asked me about it. I didn't even bring it up. We always love going to concerts. But, I just don't know what should happen, or what I should say to her. I'm sure she will say something about our relationship. I haven't called, or texted her. She always initiates all communication, as I refuse to chase her. She can be quite calculating as well. But, I am not going to be a plan B, beta any longer with her. This is how it started in April the last time we hooked back up. She went out with me one night, and we were on our way to getting back together. Then she flipped out, and was a total bitch to me 4 weeks ago. I'm not interested in anymore drama from her. And, yes, I am using the definition as described by BD. I am actually meeting up with a really hot chick tonight, that has some 6 week old huge breast implants. So, it seems like a win-win for the near term. I appreciate your input. Cheers. David

  • Dawson Stone 2015-06-24 08:56:12

    @David It would seem to me that you have answered your own question. You have something of high value (tickets to a concert you want to go to) and you must decide on whom you will spend that high value asset. Option A: Spend it on chick you have already slept with, that you don't trust, that you know to be manipulative, that probably isn't that into you and gives you drama and aggravation. Option B: Spent it on chick you haven't slept with that is super excited to see you, really wants to spend time with you and genuinely would appreciate going to a concert with you. Duh.

  • SteveB 2015-06-27 00:37:50

    @Dawson....sure enough she cancelled that night because she said she had to find what she needed for the next morning for the school (copy of birth certificate, tax papers, etc).  I would like to believe that could have been done a little earlier or within a short time, but it is true that she had to get her financial aid set up for her two year physical therapy degree which classes start Monday.  Anywayyyy.....she came over the next night and stayed the night and had sex.  Fast forward to tonight, we were supposed to go to the beach around 12 but she said she had to go to the school to finish submitting everything they require so she could start classes Monday.  Well, she called me around 10:30am and we talked about a couple things and then she said she'd let me know when she gets done with the final paperwork at the school. I know she wasn't there but maybe an hour or two so I texted her around 2pm to see if I shoudl expect her soon and she texted back "Can't come right now, I'm busy".....then she finally came over at 6pm (keep in mind she works 7am - 3pm tomorrow and the next day). We proceeded to go to a local hangout, had drinks, something to eat, she was very tipsy when we got back to the house at 9:30pm and within a few minutes, she said she had to get back home that she had something planned with her cousin (who she shares an apartment with).  I was like seriously??  I tried to say I don't want you driving an that she should let it wear off a bit before driving back, but she wouldn't have it.  She said she has plans tomorrow night (Sat.) but that she would spend the night Sunday night and we could go to the beach or on the boat Monday before her class starts from 6-10pm on Monday. Her birthday is July 5th and I asked 3 months ago to spend that weekend with her, but oh no, her cousin (if you wanna believe it) already booked reservations for her birthday weekend.  However, she keeps saying she wants to get married when her 2 year degree is done, lol.  This girl is on the go constantly and absolutely gorgeous.  Even another girl hit on her tonight!  Anyway, I have come to the realization that I need to fuck so many other girls to try and get this girl out of my head because there is no way I'm not sharing her, no way.  I need to decide whether or not I want to continue even fucking her knowing all this because when I'm not with her it fucks with my head big time.  I am a VERY picky guy when it comes to looks and she seriously is one of the most beautiful girls and incredible body (wish I could post a couple pics so you believe me) and I tell myself what do you expect and that I should be "lucky" just to have her once, twice a week.  And I know you're gonna say dude snap out of the damn oneitis, but until you are charmed by this one, don't doubt for a minute that she wouldn't reel you at some level if you were in my shoes and I'm totally serious even you.  No matter what you do or how hard you try to make a relationship with this girl (at this point anyway), she is just going to eat up the attention from anybody she feels is worthy of her affection.  Meanwhile, and it's hard for me to admit this because I don't want to accept it, but she texts and keeps you feeling like you are so special to her and uses her busy work and class schedule to cover her tracks.  Honestly, I can hardly believe she doesn't breakout with a laugh as she tries to justify everything and her crazy schedule and why she's running here and there at all hours.  She literally can not be sleeping except between 1:30am and 6am most days. So here's the question.....with all of what comes with this one, would you accept just seeing her once, maybe twice a week if lucky if you know that this is the game I'm going to have to deal with and try to see if she settles down her ways in time and truly give the time needed to see if she would want to have a relationship (because I know for a fact that she wants kids in the next couple years if not sooner from overhearing her with her girlfriends on the phone who each have a young child themselves) or would you turn it loose and move on to a girl (which there are others I can develop) that wants a one on one monogamous relationship or maybe instead of that the just sticking with the freedom of seeing multiple girls but no longer seeing the one we've been discussing??  That's the question because despite the jokes about the oneitis thinking, I know I won't find the same looks as this one especially since she's 20 years younger than me.  And yes I realize that even if it was possible to have a relationship with this one, it would come with having to deal with guys constantly hitting on her when I'm not around and is that worth it as well.  So what would Dawson do? lol   Give it up all together or deal with it as a side piece with either no future intentions or possible future intentions??

  • SteveB 2015-06-27 06:39:24

    Btw.....because of her work schedule and school it's always been almost impossible to dictate to her when to get together on my terms because it would conflict with her schedule and not work out.  So I usually let her text me instead of the other way around.  From the comments on here in this thread from you and BD it sounds like that's better than being the one that texts her.  Let them come to you

  • Dude 2015-07-01 17:54:16

    Can you love someone to bits but have sex with others on the side? I know i love someone for sure but still want to have some change to have sex hot chicks. Its Very usefull site

  • Dude 2015-07-01 18:45:40

    QUESTION? BD and everyone to reply I may have a strange story and I am bit stuck what to do now. I am married with 4 children but I also have a girlfriend since 2.5 years but now we are in breakup situation with my GF. When we met first, she had a BF and i told her about my family situation n told her that i will never leave my wife n children for no one. We were very attracted to each other and I asked her if she can leave her NF so she did after couple weeks and we shared a flat and moved in. Before we move in, I told my wife abt it and told her either she accept or leave me but i knew she will not leave so unhappily she accepted. i wanted to live true life n i dont like lies too. I m muslim & my wife is stricter muslim n she said the main problem she has is that she should become muslim so her soul will accept it. I asked my GF and she became muslim too for me and our love. She gave up drinking and me too for over a year & she fasted full Ramadhan and learned to pray but just for me without me knowing as I thought she wanted to. I didnt push her n when realised so told her that she dont have to if she dont want to. She had some financial difficulties for paying rent etc so I was paying mostly and she was paying for food etc at home but I know she was not with me for money as her EX was doing same but she still chosen me with my situation so it was love full of feelings. Sometimes she was helping my children and coming my home but she was not happy to see my wife n my wife too. I was staying/sleeping half week here n there. I also introduced her to my family n sister etc. Her family was not happy about it as she also told them and her friends knowing about my family and introduced me but her father refused to see me when I went to her country Czech republic. Her friends and rest of her family was behaving nice to me. She couldnt speak proper english n didnt have proper job but i helped her with everything i could as i believed we will be together for ever and she felt same in start. Everything was going ok for 2 years but feelings started to change the more freedom i was giving her the more it was going bad and she started to complain for small problems and she became colder day by day and me too when I was not having warm reaction from her. Meanwhile we planned 3 weeks break down to see our feelings. She couldnt last more than 2 weeks but asked me to see her. After that we stayed together for further few months sharing rent etc and planned to move to smaller flat near her work. This time we had some non attracted situations and felt more happy staying at my home instead of her but still missed her occasionaly but when i was seeing her i was pretending attracted n i was making first move but she bacame colder as i went on holliday and returned the 2nd day of moving to small flat as told her in advance to pack n move small stuff n i will move heavy items when i return. She felt bad as i am not with her in such situations but i left her my car too as flights were very expensive in other dates. This new flat was affordable for her and she had good job too. I was away for two weeks n when i returned she did not kiss me juicy one n she was still angry. After couple days we slept n i knew she want to kiss me n have sex after we had drink n talked but we slept together but i didnt kiss n didnt make sex. things got colder n after 10 days we argued about feelings n i left n told her to call me when she miss me or feel same for me. she texted me that we better finish as no same feelings left n no future due to my family as one day she will want to have kid n she cant like this. she knew ip wipll not give her kid for 5 yearys untill i m sure we will never break up and see do we have future or not. Its 2 weeks i did not reply her at all but she asked to see me but i ignored her sms twice. I dont know why she want to see me and I know that i still love her and want to see her but want she beg me or i understand that she has real feelings. If not so i will find someone which i can to live with me all life with my situation as one woman is not enough for me. QUESTIONS? 1. Was she with me because she loved me or because i was supporting her as now she can afford things her self? 2. Will she come back to me? 3. Does she still love me but feelings got frozen temporary due to anger? 4. Is my situation normal and happened to others that two partners agreed wife n GF to be with one guy? I will appreciate your coments

  • Dude 2015-07-01 19:03:38

    QUESTION n STORY OF WIFE & GF? They both Knew from start n accepted. BD and everyone to reply I may have a strange story and I am bit stuck what to do now. I am married with 4 children but I also have a girlfriend since 2.5 years but now we are in breakup situation with my GF. When we met first, she had a BF and i told her about my family situation n told her that i will never leave my wife n children for no one. We were very attracted to each other and I asked her if she can leave her NF so she did after couple weeks and we shared a flat and moved in. Before we move in, I told my wife abt it and told her either she accept or leave me but i knew she will not leave so unhappily she accepted. i wanted to live true life n i dont like lies too. I m muslim & my wife is stricter muslim n she said the main problem she has is that she should become muslim so her soul will accept it. I asked my GF and she became muslim too for me and our love. She gave up drinking and me too for over a year & she fasted full Ramadhan and learned to pray but just for me without me knowing as I thought she wanted to. I didnt push her n when realised so told her that she dont have to if she dont want to. She had some financial difficulties for paying rent etc so I was paying mostly and she was paying for food etc at home but I know she was not with me for money as her EX was doing same but she still chosen me with my situation so it was love full of feelings. Sometimes she was helping my children and coming my home but she was not happy to see my wife n my wife too. I was staying/sleeping half week here n there. I also introduced her to my family n sister etc. Her family was not happy about it as she also told them and her friends knowing about my family and introduced me but her father refused to see me when I went to her country Czech republic. Her friends and rest of her family was behaving nice to me. She couldnt speak proper english n didnt have proper job but i helped her with everything i could as i believed we will be together for ever and she felt same in start. Everything was going ok for 2 years but feelings started to change the more freedom i was giving her the more it was going bad and she started to complain for small problems and she became colder day by day and me too when I was not having warm reaction from her. Meanwhile we planned 3 weeks break down to see our feelings. She couldnt last more than 2 weeks but asked me to see her. After that we stayed together for further few months sharing rent etc and planned to move to smaller flat near her work. This time we had some non attracted situations and felt more happy staying at my home instead of her but still missed her occasionaly but when i was seeing her i was pretending attracted n i was making first move but she bacame colder as i went on holliday and returned the 2nd day of moving to small flat as told her in advance to pack n move small stuff n i will move heavy items when i return. She felt bad as i am not with her in such situations but i left her my car too as flights were very expensive in other dates. This new flat was affordable for her and she had good job too. I was away for two weeks n when i returned she did not kiss me juicy one n she was still angry. After couple days we slept n i knew she want to kiss me n have sex after we had drink n talked but we slept together but i didnt kiss n didnt make sex. things got colder n after 10 days we argued about feelings n i left n told her to call me when she miss me or feel same for me. she texted me that we better finish as no same feelings left n no future due to my family as one day she will want to have kid n she cant like this. she knew ip wipll not give her kid for 5 yearys untill i m sure we will never break up and see do we have future or not. Its 2 weeks i did not reply her at all but she asked to see me but i ignored her sms twice. I dont know why she want to see me and I know that i still love her and want to see her but want she beg me or i understand that she has real feelings. If not so i will find someone which i can to live with me all life with my situation as one woman is not enough for me. QUESTIONS? 1. Was she with me because she loved me or because i was supporting her as now she can afford things her self? 2. Will she come back to me? 3. Does she still love me but feelings got frozen temporary due to anger? 4. Is my situation normal and happened to others that two partners agreed wife n GF to be with one guy? 5. Shall i lose her or not? 6. Will we have future like this or not? MY GF is 7 out of 10 beautiful for others n 8/10 for me. Everyone is amazed when they see her. She is one of the pretty girls. I will appreciate your coments

  • Dude 2015-07-01 19:31:30

    QUESTION n STORY OF WIFE & GF? They both Knew from start n accepted. BD and everyone to reply I may have a strange story and I am bit stuck what to do now. I am married with 4 children but I also have a girlfriend since 2.5 years but now we are in breakup situation with my GF. When we met first, she had a BF and i told her about my family situation n told her that i will never leave my wife n children for no one. We were very attracted to each other and I asked her if she can leave her BoyFriend so she did after couple weeks and we shared a flat and moved in. Before we move in, I told my wife abt it and told her either she accept or leave me but i knew she will not leave so unhappily she accepted. i wanted to live true life n i dont like lies too. I m muslim & my wife is stricter muslim n she said the main problem she has is that she should become muslim so her soul will accept it. I asked my GF and she became muslim too for me and our love. She gave up drinking and me too for over a year & she fasted full Ramadhan and learned to pray but just for me without me knowing as I thought she wanted to. I didnt push her n when realised so told her that she dont have to if she dont want to. She had some financial difficulties for paying rent etc so I was paying mostly and she was paying for food etc at home but I know she was not with me for money as her EX was doing same but she still chosen me with my situation so it was love full of feelings. Sometimes she was helping my children and coming my home but she was not happy to see my wife n my wife too. I was staying/sleeping half week here n there. I also introduced her to my family n sister etc. Her family was not happy about it as she also told them and her friends knowing about my family and introduced me but her father refused to see me when I went to her country Czech republic. Her friends and rest of her family was behaving nice to me. She couldnt speak proper english n didnt have proper job but i helped her with everything i could as i believed we will be together for ever and she felt same in start. Everything was going ok for 2 years but feelings started to change the more freedom i was giving her the more it was going bad and she started to complain for small problems and she became colder day by day and me too when I was not having warm reaction from her. Meanwhile we planned 3 weeks break down to see our feelings. She couldnt last more than 2 weeks but asked me to see her. After that we stayed together for further few months sharing rent etc and planned to move to smaller flat near her work. This time we had some non attracted situations and felt more happy staying at my home instead of her but still missed her occasionaly but when i was seeing her i was pretending attracted n i was making first move but she bacame colder as i went on holliday and returned the 2nd day of moving to small flat as told her in advance to pack n move small stuff n i will move heavy items when i return. She felt bad as i am not with her in such situations but i left her my car too as flights were very expensive in other dates. This new flat was affordable for her and she had good job too. I was away for two weeks n when i returned she did not kiss me juicy one n she was still angry. After couple days we slept n i knew she want to kiss me n have sex after we had drink n talked but we slept together but i didnt kiss n didnt make sex. things got colder n after 10 days we argued about feelings n i left n told her to call me when she miss me or feel same for me. she texted me that we better finish as no same feelings left n no future due to my family as one day she will want to have kid n she cant like this. she knew ip wipll not give her kid for 5 yearys untill i m sure we will never break up and see do we have future or not. Its 2 weeks i did not reply her at all but she asked to see me but i ignored her sms twice. I dont know why she want to see me and I know that i still love her and want to see her but want she beg me or i understand that she has real feelings. If not so i will find someone which i can to live with me all life with my situation as one woman is not enough for me. QUESTIONS? 1. Was she with me because she loved me or because i was supporting her as now she can afford things her self? 2. Will she come back to me? 3. Does she still love me but feelings got frozen temporary due to anger? 4. Is my situation normal and happened to others that two partners agreed wife n GF to be with one guy? 5. Shall i lose her or not? 6. Will we have future like this or not? MY GF is 7 out of 10 beautiful for others n 8/10 for me. Everyone is amazed when they see her. She is one of the pretty girls. I will appreciate your coments

  • Dude 2015-07-01 19:33:13

    Sorry, I edited few times but its posted few times so kindly read the last one

  • Crimson 2015-07-04 07:47:22

    Hey BD, thanks for an awesome blog. I have an question to this post, how do you act if you happen to run into the girl a bit more often? I followed ur advice and I got a girl back (my ex) and we started seeing eachother again but then some months after I became beta and she ditched my ass. I started seeing her in the clubs and being a beta I kept chasing her and her attraction dropped and then I started ignoring her but she now shes seeing another guy.. She contacts me to get some old stuff, I act robotic like instructed and exchange small conversations and thats it, no chasing or trying to convince her anything or mention the new guy. Im 100% sure the things you write works as ive tried it myself but my question is: I live in a smaller city, I am gonna run into her more often how would you act around her? Would you even say hi or just ignore completely, or say hi and keep a small convo then leave? Obviously im never gonna text, call etc, She came over today and picked up some stuff and asked how im doing and I just said im doing ok and that I gotta go (saturday) and told her we speak later (not gonna contact her ever again at this point). But yeah, I understand the concept of ignoring/not contacting in the online/phone world but how would you act in an actual meetup (nightclub, foodstore, gym etc)? Anyone else also more than welcome to reply and yet again thanks for an awesome blog and im gonna buy ur book, you helped me alot ;). Best regards.

  • happydaze 2015-07-06 10:25:42

    Hi Great advice, wish i had read this earlier... So i did the opposite and pestered her after the break up, she then blocked me on FB... I'm currently 6 weeks into no contact. Is there still a chance if i leave it long enough? I did recently see her on Tinder but quickly swiped left...   Thanks

  • John 2015-07-09 08:29:11

    Alright..so what do you suggest in this scenario Short version: ltr 3+ years, broke up a month ago, did nc, jealousy, social proof etc., got back together on my terms (or so i thought), 3 weeks later same shit happened (her shit tests, her jealousy, my jealousy, a few of my beta fails, broke up again "we'll talk again after some time passes", she started seeing a guy 2 days later, didn't tell me about it, met up with her barely ("i'm busy blabla" typical excuses), during the meetup it took me 45 secs to tell her what i wanted to say (no neediness, indifferent "oh well, " attitude), nc 5 days she messages me "hey". TBH if she didn't already "branch swung" and started already posting on her instagram photos with this new guy (even if she told me she loves me blabla(no, I don't give a shit)) I would be more open to the idea of patching things up, but in this case I want her new fling or whatever to fail miserably and yes I want to keep her at arms length and punish her for that behaviour..so still NC or respond indifferently.. (No i dont want to meet up with her yet, we both need time and the fact that she let someone else kiss her or even fuck her after all this time is not making her any more attractive to me)

  • Tommy Jones 2015-07-12 03:53:58

    She contacted me after a few months by text and said somewhere she went today reminded her of me. I responded by asking how she was and she said she is happy and well. She asked how I was. Would you respond or ignore?

  • Johnny 2015-07-13 01:57:08

    BD, you said that "It’s virtually guaranteed assuming A) you do it correctly, B) you’re in no rush, and C) you weren’t a oneitisy pussy or extreme asshole while you were dating her the first time around." My question is, since a lot of guys (if not most) that get dumped by the women in their lives are probably not outcome independent, or are either in a state of oneitis or neediness; will "completely vanishing out of her life and ignoring her for many months" still work most of the time for "recovering betas/ AFC's and alpha 1.0's (even if it's not at the high 94%-100% range)?

  • A girl 2015-07-13 12:14:45

    I feel absolutely sorry for you that you feel the need to view relationships between women and men as competition.  I don't think you're a bad person but definitely one coming from a lot of hurt.  I am sorry whoever hurt you. I do hope there is someone that will be able to show you a wonderful relationship where you can be yourself.  Or perhaps, encourage you to REALLY take your time to seeing if that relationship was actually right for you. I wanted to be offended but I also understood for someone to show this much miscommunication there are underlying issues.  The good news is I'm glad I stumbled on this blog.  I'm glad if someone were to show such discerning behavior, I would wish that person well and I hope that person would be able to understand all sides of the story before making such extreme behavior.

  • Blackdragon 2015-07-13 17:44:09

    Just a reminder: I'm not responding to any more "What do I do in this case?" comments here. If you want to know why, scroll up to my last comment above where I explain it. I will respond to other comments though.

    My question is, since a lot of guys (if not most) that get dumped by the women in their lives are probably not outcome independent, or are either in a state of oneitis or neediness; will “completely vanishing out of her life and ignoring her for many months” still work most of the time for “recovering betas/ AFC’s and alpha 1.0’s (even if it’s not at the high 94%-100% range)?
    The short answer is yes. The longer answer is, even if you were utterly beta / AFC / monogamous / pussy in your relationship, your odd of getting her back are still higher (or at least "less bad") by doing this than by maintaining platonic attention with her.
    I feel absolutely sorry for you that you feel the need to view relationships between women and men as competition.
    You're pissed off because as a woman, you know that what I'm recommending WORKS. If you have anything of actual substance to say, just let me know.

  • A girl 2015-07-14 11:41:49

    It's not working because you only have 15 followers on your Twitter.  If it was really working, I would see you on TIME magazine.  Reality, you know it.  You are not that popular.  Again, I'm not here to hate on you and I think you're perfectly a good person.  Do I think you've made wrong choices?  YES!!!  So has everyone else!!  The wrong choice you made was you didn't listen to yourself when dealing with a very dramatic girl going through a shitty time in her life.  You weren't able to accept the time you had with her was shitty, but looked at her as a shitty person and now that has made you look at all women including myself.  GREAT!  Let the mental abuse begin.   Blackdragon, do you realize all these guys that are coming to you for problems was probably because you probably contributed to them?  The formula is pretty easy.  Girl hurts you, you get hurt and hurt other girls, THOSE girls hurts these guys.  This cycle never ends.  NEVER just guys, "some people" get so stuck on the smallest details of the break-up when the reality is you both were in different phases in your life.  Humans are flawed, humans make mistakes.  A relationship between flawed humans make a relationship toxic.  I can go on saying this guy has done me wrong, throw in the towel HATE MEN and make a 'hate blogs' like you.  Reality, rejection happens BUT rejection makes you a better lover.  You shelter yourself with this hate, you end up having harder time in life because as you get older, dating becomes trickier.   You can say whatever you feel, I'm pissed, I'm this girl.  Go ahead, NOT YOU, but your symptoms, do your mental abuse on me.  I'm already aware of people like you.  Black Dragon, you can't piss me off.  I just know you're going through a tough time.  I know you're not gonna change right now, but eventually who knows.  You might find that one girl who sees you for all your mistakes and you like her for all of hers.  Quite frankly, I've seen people like you turn around.  The GAME OF THRONE'S director of photographer was just like you.  One thing he realized was humility.  He was hurt  but he understood he was creating a crappy ground for other people to get hurt.   I just wish that girl that did hurt you was mature enough and aware to see why she shouldn't have been having a relationship with anyone at the time of your break-up.  I think your story and blog would've panned out much differently because you seem like a person that can love.  You're just going through a rough patch.  😀  I hope that was  actual substance for you.  I can never hate you, I certainly know how you feel.   At the same time, what you're doing isn't helping anyone.  And if it's helping anyone, it's a quick band aid to fill your self esteem, but in the long run underlying issues could be rejection, fear of being alone.  Anyways, that's for you figure out.  You're smart, I'm confident you will find a girl you will love.  Sometimes I just hate it when girls have self esteem issues and they take it out on guys like you.  Like Karma, those girls get their fare share too.  I had to work with them.  Lonely and depressed. :S I do agree on one thing! I do agree on ignoring a girl who's emotionally unstable alone. At the same time, I also agree on being the bigger person and ending it with her so you both can move on. Understand the relationship was no good for either of you and enjoy your freedom. =D

  • Blackdragon 2015-07-14 14:29:17

    I don't do this very often, but I'm in a playful mood todtay. Time to play "Fun With An Irrational Hater!"

    It’s not working because you only have 15 followers on your Twitter.
    I have 8,800 Twitter followers, plus another 2,700 on a different account. The link to the correct account was right on the Twitter page, before I updated it. (Do you not know how to read? Did you graduate high school? Wait, don't tell me...public school, right?) Anyway, click the Twitter icon again, Darling. I made it easier for you.
    Blackdragon, do you realize all these guys that are coming to you for problems was probably because you probably contributed to them?
    I thought you just said I'm not popular. How then would I get all these guys to make problems in their relationships?
    I’m pissed Black Dragon, you can’t piss me off.
    I'll let that one stand on its own.
    You’re just going through a rough patch.
    Actually I'm going through the happiest time of my entire life, which is saying something. One of us is definitely going through a rough patch, but it's not me. Projection much? This guy who dumped you...why don't you go troll him instead of me? But please, keep going. This is too fun.
    what you’re doing isn’t helping anyone.
    You mean because of my daily inbox full of positive emails? Many of which are from women? Or because of my almost 9,000 Twitter followers? Or maybe my thousands of books and ebooks sold with a 3% return rate? Or this blog which is one of the fastest growing blogs in the manosphere? Or something else? Yes. Clearly I'm helping no one here. You're right and everyone else is wrong. Please keep commenting! I'm lovin' it.

  • A girl 2015-07-14 20:06:06

    Weeeeeeeeeell...  thank you for letting me comment.  It's a real pleasure. =D   Sir, you can tell me how much you paid for your lousy degree to be able to achieve 15 twitter followers compared to my friends who have millions of twitter followers who never needed to tell a internet troll they have a degree.  Says much about you!!!  lol  Man, was it that easy to troll you to make you tell me about your life.  Good grief.  I know health care is expensive in the states, but heck there must be some affordable coverage to get you a psychiatrist for your Narcissistic Personality, Bi polar, Schizophrenia disorder???  Oh wait, you probably don't have any money to pay for it. Oh boy, please-let-the-world-know-you-have-15 twitter followers and A DEGREE and you can't even properly link your most active twitter account to your website and you demand me to read your mind. Oh, WOW, weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! =D Remember Black, you won this conversation and I never had to share a lick of my personal info with you. E.Z!!!! Oh, side note, maybe you should focus on the positive things I said about you during the last post I made because I said many good things about you. It's YOUR FAULT you chose to read the negative. Just saying. <3   Remember Black

  • Blackdragon 2015-07-14 21:36:39

    Sir, you can tell me how much you paid for your lousy degree
    Zero dollars. I never went to college. I was too busy making six figures without it. And you actually still think I have 15 Twitter followers. Simply amazing. But now you're name calling (the only place one can go when one runs out of arguments), using the standard hater playbook by calling someone a narcissist. So we're done here. Thanks for the entertainment, and I'm sorry for your recent breakup. You'll get over it soon I'm sure.

  • Crimson 2015-07-16 08:28:17

    "A Girl" Im not sure if you are for real or not but for you to actually put so much time and effort into trying to put someone down just is just pathetic. If he has just 15 twitter followers or whatever then why do you care so much about what he writes? And do you have any clue whatsoever about human psychology? I guess not. What BD is writing in this post DOES WORK, I tried it myself and the strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it and when you ignore a person you remove yourself from his/hers life which makes the other person doubt their decision. It applies not just in relationships but in friendships and business also.  

  • RealTalk 2015-07-16 09:46:54

    Hey Guys, Posted my breakup story back in March and literally 4 months later the old girl is now hitting me up again, as I ignored her and remained a challenge. Will spin that plate again - Fair play to BD on this point. However, whilst I was ignoring her I started dating another girl in the meantime, and 3 months into being 'exclusive'/fwb with her it has broken off as well. Slight twist to the story this time, which BD hasn't covered and many guys face, so I hope you can help me out again (Dawson/BD): Started dating new girl; acted a challenge; alpha and got her investing real quick. Met her family and kept things fun and unpredictable. Rocked her in bed and got her driving/picking me up from places we went to. Slight dread game as she kept saying how I will only get bored of her. She posted pictures of us on social media and all her friends gave their approval. All great so far. Anyway, long story short she's currently training to be a teacher and they're all staying together in a hotel and genuinely busy lots of the time but went out every friday with 'all the teachers' (some are male). Didn't care as knew she was invested, but one week she started becoming 'more busy' and acting distant/cold. Called her out on it and forced it out of her that she kissed another male teacher on friday in a club. Called her straight up as couldn't see her in person and she didn't care at all (as interest somehow miraculously dropped) even though I stayed the night 4 days before. Said she didn't want to meet as felt too guilty and its now over as I 'won't trust her'. I asked if she wanted me back anyway, to which she replied she didn't feel it anymore, and that I'm too good for her. Ended the convo. Question - What happened here. Did she get an opportunity and an alpha took advantage or did the 'honeymoon phase' end and she realised it wasn't going anywhere as fwb? If I did want her back whilst maintaining value, how would I go about it? I.e. Does ignoring a cheating girl who used cheating as a breakup vehicle, ever come back by vanishing on her?  

  • Dawson Stone 2015-07-17 09:14:40

    @RealTalk No one breaks up with someone because they think the other person is too good for them. That's like the bullshit they say that it's good luck when it rains on your wedding day. The "It's not you, it's me" is just French for "It's you." I have had at least a dozen different women tell me they have cheated on a guy so that he would break up with them. Somehow they see this as less hurtful than just dumping the chump which I don't get but I have heard it enough times that I think it is quite common. As I have said countless times and I will say it again here, why do you want her back? You have already fucked her and she clearly isn't that into you. Move on to women that do want to be with you and if she boomerangs fine...escalate IMMEDIATELY to sex and if not, don't waste any mental energy on it. One other comment. I have no idea why getting her to drive you around places is DHVing in your eyes. I would argue it does exactly the opposite. Just my $0.02 worth.

  • Crimson 2015-07-17 11:43:12

    @Dawson Stone I seen you do alot of good posts here, I have just one question: I am following the post and ignoring my ex since I am moving on, but I would love to have her as a boomerang in my life. How should I you act if I run into her more often at the club, supermarket, gym etc? since I live in a small town I do see her around. I assume when being dumped I should never ask her out again unless she makes the effort, and to never text, call or facebook stalk etc, she has to contact me. But when I keep running into her quite often and I told her I am not interested in being friends, should I completely ignore her when I see her or still act somewhat friendly? Since this was never brought up in the original post I thought I will bring it up here, I guess there are no clear answers but would be nice to know I should approach it in order to have biggest success rate of her (or any future girl for that matter) contacting me again so I can escalate it into her pants. Thanks  

  • Dawson Stone 2015-07-20 07:51:52

    @Crimson The answer is simple but the execution is perhaps more difficult. I can tell by what you are writing that you are still hung up on this chick. It might just be ego (it probably is) or perhaps something else but it doesn't matter. The fact that you are even asking the questions is part of the problem. What you need to do is move on with your life. Let's say this ex never existed. How would you live your life? THAT is exactly how you should live your life now. The fact that you run into your ex because it is a small town is unfortunate (it does increase the time it takes to get over someone) but the behavior is easy. Be nice and friendly. If you are passing each other on the street do not stop and chit chat. Just smile a genuine smile and say, "Hi Michelle" and keep walking. I would argue that when possible, avoid places you would be more likely to run into her so long as it isn't really altering how you are living your life. But if you know she used to always to go a particular bar on Thursday go on Wed instead. I would go even further and block her number, email and unfriend her / remove her from any social media. The more energy you spend on thinking about her the longer it will take to get over her. You shouldn't be ignoring her. You should be blocking her. ERASE her existence from your life to the best of your ability. If she wants to come back into your (esp in a small town) it will be easy for her to do so. Make her WORK to get back in bed with you. Don't spend any of your energy on her. Do not try to run into her when you have another pretty girl on your arm. Do not date someone she knows in an effort to make her jealous. Just live your life and be the best version of yourself (for you, not her) and if she boomerangs, great. If not no big deal. Happiness is the best revenge (even though revenge shouldn't be the goal).

  • Fidel 2015-07-22 16:43:43

    Hey guys, stumbled upon this blog when feeling low. Here's my story. Hung out with this girl who lives in my apartment complex for like a couple of months. We'd hang out like 3-4 times a week and things seemed to be going well. Then, out of the blue, she turns hostile, I may have said something to turn her off but I'm not sure what triggered the reaction. Me, panicking, start acting needy/beta a couple of times (two times max) and then she tells me about how she wants an easy friendship etc. I let her know that will be tough and we're better off not staying in touch. She apologized but I wasn't clear about what. I get rid of things that remind me of her and begin no contact. This was three months ago and we have run into each other 2-3 times since. Every time we ran into each other I would just acknowledge her and walk away. The NC period was/is hard and I have been fighting so many urges to text her, go and talk to her etc for I know her routine and places she'd be at a certain time. Still hurts not hanging out with her but I have been dealing with it better day by day. A couple of days ago, out of the blue, she comes up to me asking me about my tablet (seriously) and how she's considering purchasing one of those. She spoke like nothing ever happened and I casually answered her and walked off. Now, I'm getting the feels again and would like advice. How do I take it from here? Go and talk to her? Wait for her to come talk again and then pitch a meet? Don't want to take her back right away for she stomped all over me the last couple of times we met (pre-NC). Regards, Super Beta.

  • Steve 2015-07-23 06:07:27

    @Fidel......just my 2 cents.....it sounds like you've been doing great with the NC and keeping your urges from getting the best of you.  Since you are so invested in that dept. I would say don't throw away what you've accomplished now, UNTIL she comes at you with something more meaningful than convo about your tablet.  She may likely not want to be the first one to be obvious about wanting to get back together and stubborn about her pride, hoping you make the first move, but if you stand firm and hold to your ground, IF she really wants you (which you don't want anything less anyway) then hold your ground and she will eventually break down and give in. That's if she notices that contacting you about side things isn't working.  Meanwhile, you have to be working HARD on connecting and fucking other women even though you may not being feeling totally confident. This is the time you have to suck it up, be a man and continue to hunt. Don't be putting all your eggs in one basket hoping desperately for her to come back. Again, just my 2 cents.

  • Dawson Stone 2015-07-23 06:24:18

    @Fidel Steve is right on. Maybe a bit nicer than I would be. I would say quit being such a pussy. You don't even say if you two had sex or not...don't know if "hanging out" means sex in your world. If it doesn't mean sex then seriously you never had anything anyway and I wouldn't waste 1 second of my time and energy on it. If it means having sex then read on. Let her do all the work. Be friendly but just exchange a few words. If she were to continue to show interest on a number of occasions and say something like, "What are you doing right now?" I might respond, "Well I can have you out of those clothes in about 30 seconds if you want to come back to my place." ESCALATE IMMEDIATELY TO SEX. Doesn't matter if it is via text, email or face-to-face. If they say no, no biggie. I have been surprised how often this has worked.

  • Fidel 2015-07-23 17:35:43

    @Dawson @Steve Yeah, I've been stupid. Wanted to take it slow but it didn't really help. Yeah, no sex, which is why I used "hanging out" 🙁 . Should add that we're both from a slightly more conservative/orthodox culture which has contributed to me being very very Beta. Yes, I am "meeting" other women and definitely trying to move on, not waste any time on her etc. but her coming back to talk has messed things up a little. I'm not putting my eggs in one basket (at least trying not to), but was just curious how to approach it in case she starts chatting a little more often.

  • Crimson 2015-07-25 11:56:39

    @Dawson Thanks bro, solid advice and you are absolutely right. The fact im even asking these questions here means im not over her. But its time to get my head straight and move on following the advice given and start a new happy life being an alpha 2.0! Best of luck and thanks again guys for valuable information and a good blog.

  • Eddie 2015-07-25 12:23:58

    What if i can't check her out on Face book because i have her blocked? Should i unblock her and send her a friend request? Because without being friends on face book i won't be able to see if she is single or has a boyfriend? Face book is the only way i can check on her without contacting.

  • Dawson Stone 2015-07-25 19:03:43

    @Eddie Seriously? Are you even reading the comments on here? DO NOT contact her. Not on facebook. Not anywhere. If she wants to get back with you she will do so. You chasing her has ZERO chance of working. If you are checking out her relationship status on FB you have already lost.

  • Eddie 2015-07-25 21:02:24

    I understand i shouldn't contact her at all first ever. But i did read above that after 4 to 6 months, you will check her out on face book to see if she is single or has a new boyfriend. But i blocked her on face book. I was asking if i should unblock her from face book after the 4 to 6 months? You can't see their status unless you are friends on face book.  That's all i was wondering. If not, i will leave her blocked. And see if she calls or texts me first within months.

  • Murph 2015-07-26 07:03:29

    hey man good advice im really gonna try that now i started working in a kitchen a few months back just to get on my feet working 2 jobs my boss and i ended up fuckin around wile she was with some one had a family they broke up but be for they broke up she pulled me asside and was telling me how she felt about me stole my number out of the office and started txting me we ended up seeing each other for a few months then it was all out of the blue   this isent working for me iv been keeping u in the dark bout some things ( not being able to have kids) then ran back to her baby daddy who not sure now into some drugs when she left him and now she ran back to him he moved back in mean wile shes already been threw this a few times with this guy the simple im not happy line whats your take on that

  • Dawson Stone 2015-07-26 08:23:23

    @Eddie, IMO you never contact a woman first. NEVER. If she is interested she will contact you. You screw up the power dynamic if you reach out to her.

  • Eddie 2015-07-26 15:54:08

    O k Thanks Dawson Stone.  I will leave her blocked on face book. And vanish for like 4 to 6 months. And see if she calls or texts me within 4 to 6 months. Keep it casual and short. Ask for a meet and if not, end the conversation fast.

  • Eddie 2015-07-26 15:57:36

    Will this still work for me if i do everything right?  Even though she has stayed in contact with me the whole time we been broken up? We were together almost 4 years. no kids. never married. she was with someone and living with him, but still calling and texting me a lot first. and wanted to meet like twice months ago. but nothing happened.  We cut ties last week. I will not contact her at all anymore. Wait and see if she does first.

  • Dawson Stone 2015-07-27 13:21:18

    @Eddie The key is to stop worrying about if it will work. Maybe it will. Maybe it won't. But letting her contact you is the best chance you have. The key is how you act when/if she does contact you. IMO you have to immediately escalate to sex. If she balks, she wasn't coming back anyway. Good luck.

  • Whitedragon 2015-07-27 13:25:08

    My ex girlfriend dumped me in 2007 after five months because we were "not compatible" - and this was devastating, out-of-the-blue news to me.  I immediately tried everything to get her back - phone calls, flowers, texts, calling from different numbers, etc.  I over-pursued as much as anyone possibly could because I was desperate to get her back.  Finally, she called me and angrily told me to never, ever contact her again. In 2010, she began texting me again, off and on, and we slowly rekindled a friendship despite her having married someone else.  Last night, we hooked up at my place for the first time in eight years.  She just now texted me and told me that she can't wait to hook up again. Ignoring and waiting both work - no matter how bad the ending was.  The Boomerang effect is very real - and almost certain to occur - if the original relationship was sexually satisfying.  The Long Game is a very long game indeed - but hope springs eternal and patience is rewarded.

  • Dawson Stone 2015-07-27 13:46:50

    Yup. I have had an 8 year boomerang as well. But I will say that the better you let things end the easier, faster and less drama the boomerangs will be.

  • Whitedragon 2015-07-27 13:51:51

    You are exactly right Dawson!!!  If I had shown more patience in 2007, this boomerang might have taken just a few months 🙁  Live and Learn!

  • Eddie 2015-07-27 20:20:14

    So if following all these rules, is it a better chance an ex will come back just for sex? Or get back together as well? If she contacts you first, what do you say?  How's it going? Ask if she wants to meet? If you she says no or declines, end conversation as quick as possible?

  • vivian nelson 2015-07-30 15:19:12

    My love broke up 6 months ago and left me heartbroken, this made me sick and my problem became very very difficult and it made me almost gave up but after the love spell from Robinson Buckler, my relationship was restored instantly, I was happy that the outcome was fantastic, only 3 days after robinsonbuckler @ (yahoo). com started it all. Never in my life have I thought this would work so fast. My man reconcile with me and he started acting completely different, we make love everyday (last weekend, we did it 8 times in total!). Now I can say that Robinson’s spells work! I can now say I feel happy once again, and like never before. It felt so good to have my lover back again, Thanks to Robinson,

  • Eddie 2015-07-30 20:57:19

    Does all this help your chances of your ex coming back to get back together? or just sex?  

  • Frankie 2015-08-03 07:50:09

    One question: If a girl wishes you happy birthday would you see that as an "contact out of the blue" and escalate towards sex or should I just say "Thanks :)" and wait for another reach out from her. 3 weeks since breakup and my birthday is in a few days im sure she will wish me something but im not sure if thats just for being polite or actually because she misses me. Best regards

  • Eddie 2015-08-03 18:05:05

    Hey Frankie, I had my ex wish me Happy Birthday too. But i think it was just because we were together almost 4 years. Just being nice and not like she will ever forget that date. I would say thanks. and end it there. and see if she reaches out again.

  • cdog 2015-08-03 21:54:13

    Black Dragon, you were so right well done. Your shit works man my ex wants me back after following your advice. Also I ordered your book it's great. Now she is over the age of 33 so I'm keeping that in mind. Thanks again wish I had found your material sooner.

  • Jesus 2015-08-04 15:28:03

    Glad to have found this blog... Good material! I'm in my mid-40s and was with this girl (a 7.5/10) for 8 years, living with her for 7 years. Throughout the years she would go through cycles (every 2-3 years_ and tell me she didn't feel the way I did in her regards. She would say she loved me, but wasn't in love with me, felt very comfortable with me, blah blah blah. I always ignored her and basically told her she was nuts and proceeded to regularly fuck her in any which way possible. 2 months ago she did it again and this time she really booked and left. We were engaged and to be married next year. I figured 7 years were enough to know she wasn't gonna go anywhere. I was wrong there! We never argued much and were pretty much upfront to each other about everything. I know she didn't leave me for another dude. She went to live with a fat chick (stranger) in another town nearby. Ever since she left, she keeps texting me about how I'm doing. I always answer: "Fine. Thanks for asking." I'm in total ignore mode with her... Mostly because I could give 2 shits about someone who didn't want to be with me anymore. Why in the blue hell would anyone want to go out with a chick that turned their back on you or worse if they cheated on you (not my case)???? There are plenty of other fish in the ocean! Since she moved out a few weeks ago, I've have a slew of girls (between 7's and 9's) lined up wanting to date me. I've chosen to lay low for a month or so, but I've already had a few dates... I forced myself to go out with them. Wasn't really in the mood to see other people in the past few weeks. After 8 years of monogamy, I'm a little rusty (or maybe don't even care much yet/anymore?) in the dating scene. But it's like a bike... A little practice and time and I'll be back racing with the best. I'm really enjoying this board... Some of you guys are spot-on with the advice for the younger fellas. You learn most of this stuff with experience OR you can learn from other people's experience. Really good stuff!

  • Kk 2015-08-04 18:40:19

    I dated this girl for 4 years. She is a year younger then me. I'm currently going to be a junior in college and she is going to be a sophomore in college at the same university. 2 years ago we hit a pretty rough patch when I went to college and she was still in high school but we stuck together and she ended up going to the same school as me. We fought a ton and I was kind of an asshole while I was away at school before she ended up going there. She recently got this internship with a company and its all she has cared about all summer and she is going to do the same internship again this coming year. Last week I told her that she felt distant and working was all that mattered to her. We got in an argument and she broke up with me over a text just out of the blue. I left her alone for about 5 days not contacting her and eventually said we need to talk about this in person and she agreed. She got pretty emotional when I saw her and said she needed some time to figure out who she really is because she doesn't know life without me. She claims she broke up with me so she can just be herself and see if I am really the one for her in life considering we are so young so she just wants to take time away. She also seemed to maybe be changing her look. Before she pulled away in the car after I talked to her I told her that I'll still always be there for her and stuff. She also told me she loved me still before she left and let me give her a goodbye kiss. I know I sound like a pussy but I've been completely lost without her and I am definitely going to try not contacting her for 4 months. I have two questions however. 1.) does age matter for your method? 2.) considering we go to the same college, what should I do when I see her? Should I just be casual and say hi or completely ignore her. I'll most likely see her a lot when we go out at night because we have the same friends. Sorry this post as long. Hope you guys can help.

  • Jesus 2015-08-05 06:24:28

    Kk, Why would you insist on pursuing a very tumultuous and difficult relationship? There are soooooooooo many women on this green earth... You just have to find one that you can get along with and who will appreciate you as you are. As an old Right Guard commercial used to go... "Anything else would be uncivilized!" Forcing relationships will eventually make you and her miserable, leading to an inevitable scission. It does not have to be THAT difficult.

  • Dawson Stone 2015-08-05 07:45:58

    @Kk As funny as it sounds you need to listen to Jesus!  lol Move on. Don't try to diagnose it. Solve it. Fix it. Whatever it. If she decides she can't live without you I promise you she will alert you to this development. 1) It matters perhaps a bit more in the short term but not in the long run. The general rules still hold 2) Be polite but don't linger. Treat her like she was an acquaintance that you liked just fine but wasn't important in your life. Without greatly modifying your day-to-day try to avoid her. Most guys instead look for opportunities to run into their ex. This is a mistake. The more you interact with her (in ANY form) the longer it will take you to get over her. Good luck!

  • Kk 2015-08-05 09:31:22

    Thanks you guys for the advice it is helping me feel a lot better. Just yesterday she texted my sister saying how much she's going to miss my family and stuff. Then she went on to tell my sis how we both need this break up and that it's good for us. Girls make everything so confusing. I've been stressing the most about her hooking up with someone at school early on and that news will be worse than the break up itself. Do you guys think it is a good idea for me to try and make her jealous by hooking up with other girls? Or would that make it obvious that I'm trying to get her attention/jealous and turn her away even more?

  • Dawson Stone 2015-08-05 15:40:17

    @Kk Seriously you need to get a hobby, hit the gym, get some more friends, get laid. The more you obsess about this chick the worse you will make it.  Let's say a perfect 10 who was super smart, kind, a rock star in bed, sweet, thoughtful and had an identical twin sister that she wanted to share you with from time-to-time would you still be pining over this other girl? You are young and don't have any perspective...find some. This previous chick might be great (and I am not saying she is) but I PROMISE you there are tons as good and better. And so what if another guy has sex with her? It changes NOTHING. In fact, if your sex life was any good with her it is more likely to make her miss what she had with you. And if your sex life wasn't that great, you weren't going to keep her anyway. Go out there and get good at sex. Don't TRY to pretend you are happy with someone else. BE happy with someone else. Don't try to make her jealous about the new girl you are fucking. Enjoy the new girl you are fucking and if she gets jealous, who cares. The more you TRY to do things the more it is likely to turn her off.  

  • Calm 2015-08-05 19:01:58

    Interesting reads here.  I've myself been down with a severe case of oneitis.  Seemed like the best thing ever, then blink, and it's gone.  Trying to figure it out will make you crazy.  Thought I might add a bit of a tip though.  Eventually you will come across one that just HAS to win a power struggle, and will escalate things to try and do that. For example:  I was following NC as best as possible.  Had to keep her on Facebook because we had to both be on a trip within a couple months after the breakup, and frankly I didn't want to deal with any escalation on the trip. She was all up in my Facebook liking, commenting, whatever. I didn't respond, and didn't even look at her page, much less like or comment there.  I'd get the random no reason texts, cloaked in asking me a question. When the actual trip arrived she acted like an ice cube.  I acted calm.  Got home, unfriended her, and she retaliated by blocking me.  Will I hear from her again?  Who knows, but my point is they will find any way possible to retaliate.  And you have to be ready to blow that off.

  • Jesus 2015-08-06 12:45:10

    It's amazing to know how many guys still go gaga over a woman that abandoned or cheated on them and think it's a good idea to try to get them back. Remember guys... Those are women of very low value from which you should run away from and not walk! You should never give a shit about anyone who doesn't give a shit about you. Listen to Jesus for once. 😉

  • Dave 2015-08-06 14:42:35

    Dated this girl for almost 5 years, out of the blue she dumped me saying that she couldnt do this anymore and that she thought time apart is what we need right now and that maybe in the future if im single and shes single we can work it out... ive been so far 1 month no contact and going to do the 4 months as you have mentioned. she promised me its not another guy or anything but her, that she "needs to find who she is".. i think sex was pretty good..i mean i was her first, she lost her virginity to me. my question is i know there are plenty women out there but honestly i dont see myself with anyone else at the moment. if she doesnt contact me within the 4 months should i call it a lost cause and forget about her completely..   our relationship for the most part was great, hardly ever argued, always took trips together and spent everyday together maybe she just got tired and bored of me?

  • Kk 2015-08-06 14:55:06

    Wow Dave you and me are in the same exact situation... We both lost our virginity to each other as well. However we have only been broken up for a week and a half so a little shorter then you. You have to think of it this way. You guys have been together for what seems like forever just like me and my girlfriend. Our girls are having second thoughts I think because they want to make sure we are the guys they want to spend the rest of their lives with you know? They want to focus on themselves and figure what's best for them in life. Now I don't know how old you guys are but a lot of people get married after dating that long. My girlfriend used to tell me she wanted to get married and all that shit just a couple years after college. Women are confusing they tell you all that bullshit and then end up leaving so who knows. I'm just gonna let it ride out and see what happens. Definitely not contacting her.

  • Jesus 2015-08-06 15:38:59

    Jesus is in mid-40s, just fresh out of an 8-year relationship, engaged and was scheduled to get married next year... Just in case you guys thought you're alone in these predicaments. Trying to justify her decision to abandon you makes zero sense, guys! THEY DUMPED YOU! WAKE UP! They simply do not give a drop of money piss about you! You need to realize this. Simple advice: Become your best friend, do stuff that makes you happy, get in shape, make new friends. When you are truly happy, you become attractive. Then go out there, find the most amazing beautiful woman that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. There are plenty out there!   JESUS

  • Jesus 2015-08-08 19:15:27

    "...drop of *monkey* piss..."

  • Eddie 2015-08-11 13:12:13

    I need advice. My ex called me last night. wanted to meet for ice cream. but then canceled after about 10 minutes. she is with someone else and living with him. been broken up about a year. we were together 4 years. she has been with him for about a year. she said we need to cut ties. i said o k.  but then after a week or two, she ends up calling or texting me. She still has photos up of us on her face book. What do you think or make? Does she still care or have feelings for me?  or not?

  • Dawson Stone 2015-08-11 13:22:37

    @Eddie Do you really need advice? I mean come on already. It is plain as day. She wasn't that into you. Things ended. Things are "touch and go" with newer guy but wants to know she has you as a fall back just in case. I am sure she still has feelings for you but those feelings are not strong enough for her to want to be with you. And what the FUCK are you doing looking at her Facebook? Are you a glutton for punishment? Grow some balls, quick being a doormat for this chick and move the fuck on with your life. Don't you have any friends that can slap some sense into you? BLOCK HER ON ALL SOCIAL MEDIA and EMAIL. Block her number. If she circumvents all that by using a friends phone or social media then IMMEDIATELY escalate to sex. This isn't rocket science guys. Sorry to be so harsh but you guys keep asking the same damn question over and over and over just in slightly different form: - My ex treated me like shit - My ex dumped me - I haven't moved on and keep hoping she will come back - My ex gave me the slightest, tiniest indication interest - What do you think it means and what should I do? Rinse and repeat.

  • Eddie 2015-08-11 14:12:42

    Dawson Stone. i hear what your saying, but i didn't look at her face book. someone else did. just to see if pictures were still up of us. And i thought i read above that you will check her out on things such as face book without her knowing to see if she is single or has a new boyfriend. She said she still loves me. and said the guy she is with doesn't love her like i did or have a connection like us. i never text or call her. she always does though. she said we need to cut ties. i said o k. then 2 weeks later, she still called and texted me. I don't want to just fuck her. i would like us to get back together. I noticed the longer i stay away from contacting her, the more she contacts me. So that is great advice and works.

  • SJ 2015-08-12 05:10:51

    Just thought I'd post this shit works. I just fucked an ex last night using this procedure. I'm hardly an expert on relationships and stuff, but I think one of the key points a lot of people are missing with this whole thing is YOU HAVE TO MOVE ON and get your life back before getting any results. This shit works when you do not give a flying fuck what she will do or how she will react to you when you contact her after vanishing. If you are still pining over a chick you dated and try and do this procedure, she will sense it and you will fail. @Eddie Listen to what people are telling you here. YOU NEED TO FUCKING FORGET HER. Shut her out. If she contacts you, you pitch a meet up (no offense, but I think she will know you are still hung up on her and will deny you). If she says no, shut her down for a very, very, very, long time...until she is a distant memory. Only then, would I recommend trying this procedure.

  • Eddie 2015-08-12 11:35:04

    o k thanks guys. I will wait awhile and then try that.  The thing is that she keeps inviting me to dinner a few times, but then backs out. So i just ignore her and then she eventually contacts me again. I act like i don't care and continue to go out with other girls. The more i act like i don't give a shit, the more she contacts me.

  • Rob 2015-08-14 05:05:47

    @whitedragon You mentioned you had an affair with your boss. My question is: how did you manage at work after the breakup? Did you not see her at all? I too had an affair with a colleague & I can't seem to keep my anxiety in control. I don't speak to her, never look in the direction she sits but I am always very nervous. Any tips? Thanks,

  • Darren 2015-08-14 08:39:21

    @Dawson You've been very helpful, Thank you. I read your comments almost daily. I'm no longer with my ex but I do miss her, a lot. Even then, I don't contact her. I would have if not for your advice. Moving on is challenging, but as you rightly said, if she isn't into you, it's pointless. I remember her chasing me down when we were getting to know each other. Now, it's a distant memory. Anyways, thanks again. I do regret not knowing about this blog before and during the relationship.

  • ThisDoeswork 2015-08-14 15:20:06

    To any doubters, this does work!!!!. I was in a "oneitis" relationship for a long time (broke up once in the middle and then got back together). I met a few girls during the first break up and completely cut contact with them once we got back together. Well we broke up the second time. I sent a text to 3 of the girls I saw in the middle and they immediately wanted to see me even though I never talked to them for over 5 months! You need to leave on good terms with all girls and make sure you treat them fantastic when you are with them. The relationship was a great life experience. She's pretty much a model but with major issues so after a period of no contact I knew it can't be more then just an ego loss and it was like weeding myself off of a drug. We had some of the best times of my life, but she also made me feel like crap many times. Nobody deserves that. I treated her like gold 24/7 and well that's why she still texts me and wants to see me regularly. She knows she can't get better. Well she might be able to but it's pretty damn tough! When she asks for a favor I tell her I'm busy and I'll get back to her (which I never do). Sorry I'm not your bf I tell myself, you don't get that anymore. She's banging a rebound guy yet she gets pissed when she sees new girls liking my stuff on social media or the fact I am having fun without her. That's why she always texts me to see me. I never ask to see her or never text her, but I'll see her and bang her if I'm not busy with other girls. She's pissed that I don't drop anything for her anymore. Well too bad, so sad, she ruined that and now I am in control. I went from Beta to Alpha. I am currently seeing lots of girls and having the time of my life. I've been hitting the gym a lot harder then I ever have and I run on a daily basis. My career is thriving, I make great coin and drive a great car. My confidence is bringing in women whenever I go out. Here's a tip guys. Wear a blazer with jeans when you go out. Women love men in blazers!  

  • Whitedragon 2015-08-16 10:15:54

    @Rob I'm really sorry to hear that you are going through the same thing - it is really rough with a co-worker. The worst part was that we kept talking about not "going too far over the line" each time we'd get more and more affectionate.  Once all of the lines had been crossed I could tell that things were taking a toll on her emotionally.  She is an incredibly well-respected professional within my company and I think that the risks she was taking with me were making her more and more scared about the potential impact to her career if anyone found out or began wondering. The break-up came without warning and we had never shared a single cross word with each other.  Based on our work situation (the fact that she is my direct supervisor and the amount of damage we could do to each other if any anger entered the equation) I decided to back away immediately after our last, cordial but firm conversation.  But, losing someone you love is always hard - especially when it happens suddenly.  I decided to minimize all in-person contact with her for four months (just like BD recommended) and I politely and quickly replied to all of her work-related emails and made sure that our monthly work review sessions were all conducted on the phone (still tough, but way easier than seeing her face and having her see me acting so nervous). There were just a few occasions where I simply could not avoid her - twice for meetings in her office with the door shut and twice in larger meetings.  Otherwise, I eliminated all contact (texts, IMs, personal emails, personal calls). I am just now nearing the five month mark and I've done most of things recommended by the other posters on this thread (worked out daily, started dating other women, seeing my FWBs frequently, took up two new hobbies, etc.).  Every day has gotten easier and I feel that I can now see her unexpectedly in the hallway at work without panicking. One other tip that I have is a product called Natrol.  It's a natural stress reliever made by GNC.  I did a lot of research and it received rave reviews from people with serious anxiety problems.  I've never had anxiety before now but I can tell you that Natrol helped me a ton - especially with the heart pounding that I felt whenever my thoughts turned to her at work. I'd strongly recommend that you avoid seeing her at work for at least a few months, no matter what you need to do to make that happen.  Trust me - she still remembers you and her perspective will change as the good memories sharpen in focus and the bad memories fade.  On the other hand, the time apart may make you care about her less and less.  Most importantly, you should definitely not talk with her about your former affair while you are at work - a harassment charge (or worse) could come out of the blue. Good luck, and please keep me posted!

  • Frankie 2015-08-17 10:45:54

    I have a question, its a bit OFF TOPIC but I will give it a go since its a situation that can occur and if anyone is interested or have time to respond: I followed the advice in the blog, ignored my ex and moved on etc and I feel confident, alpha and started seeing new girls. However deep down I still love my ex and want to get back with her, but she has to make the work now as advised. Last week I was at the club in the VIP area with a new girl i started seeing and we were having fun and kissing and suddenly I see a text from my ex (I was wearing red): "Red is your color" I look around and see her staring at me and the other girl, I got a bit chocked, trying to keep calm with alcohol and kept going on with the party. She was really trying to get my attention so my question is, how would you guys act here? I admit that I still have strong feelings for my ex and would love for things to be simple and she just reaches out and I pitch a meet and go straight for sex, but since I see her out here and there it gets more complicated and in a situation like this I was not sure how the "correct" response would be. Anyone has any advice? I already know what I did and if it was the right or wrong I dont know but im curious since I always want to improve myself and become more alpha by acting and doing things correctly. Thanks

  • Dawson Stone 2015-08-18 04:03:36

    Many of you guys are nearly entirely missing the point. The whole point isn't "Do this and do that and then you will get the love of your life back." Yes it is true that if you part on decent terms (and often less than decent terms) and let her boomerang to you months or even years later you will have another chance to be with her and on better terms then before. But the MUCH bigger point is that no one woman is worth pining over. First of all if you are reading anything on this blog you know monogamy isn't a good idea for anyone...especially guys. But the even BIGGER point is there is almost no benefit that accrues to you by being back and in a serious relationship with any of these women. When I read things like "I still have really strong feelings for my ex" or "I will want things to go back to like they were" or "fill in ridiculous oneitis statement here" I want to strangle you guys. Honestly you should enjoy women and treat them really well. Be kind and generous and thoughtful. But when you enter into a long-term relationship there is only one absolute...things will deteriorate. How much depends on you and the woman but drama will go up and happiness will go down. That is a guarantee. I will repeat this one more time here and then I fucking give up. If you could find 20 different women that were smarter, nicer, hotter, kinkier, of all different types, zero drama, etc. and these women were beating down your door would you still be hung up on fill-in-what's-her-name-here? Of course not. So stop trying to figure out how to game fill-in-what's-her-name into getting back into a relationship with you and figure out how to be happier (which should be easy) NOT being in a relationship with her or anyone else for that matter.

  • Eddie 2015-08-18 15:56:12

    I hear what your saying, but it sounds like your telling us to never get married and be with just one special girl for the rest of our lives. You can't just go from girl to girl forever. Eventually, when you get old, you can't do that or will set yourself up to be alone for the rest of your life.

  • No_Kids 2015-08-18 19:06:06

    Who the hell would give attention to someone you just broke up with? You're free, celebrate by fucking whatever you can while you can until you're dumb enough to waste money on a ring for someone who will make you hate them on top of imprisoning yourself to 25+ years of supporting kids who think you are a tool.

  • Dawson Stone 2015-08-18 21:56:55

    @Eddie You DON'T hear what I am saying. The point I am making is there are lots of women that are amazing. We are all born alone and we all die alone. I don't mean to sound cynical (because I am not cynical) but your point of view is that men should "settle down" with that "special woman" so that we don't grow old alone. Do you hear how pathetic that sounds? First off, what if you do that and she dies before you do? Then what? You are basically saying you are going to settle for one person so that you have someone to care for you in your old age assuming your partner outlives you and wants to care for your old ass. Dude, make and save enough money so you can have someone on the payroll to care for you. I am nearly 50 now and I have at least 20 years more of enjoying young, beautiful women. My Dad is in his mid 70s and still has an active sex life. If I do eventually get to the age where shit doesn't work anymore or I have no sex drive or whatever I still wouldn't want to have someone around just so I have someone around. I will have family. Friends. Ex-lovers. Whatever. Fear is the worst of all reasons to do anything...you seem to look at relationships from a scarcity and fear-based view of the world.

  • Mike 2015-08-19 06:25:37

    Going into 2 weeks NC. Two questions. 1. My x last time i spoke to her before NC period told me she was meeting someone. I asked her if it was a date ? and she replied " what is it to you...if I did" ( it ended being a out of town family member.) does the statement "what is it to you" mean she still has feelings ... as in why do you care... you never cared about me"" along those lines...??? 2. My x birthday is next week. Do i send her a Happy Birthday wish on a social media or text or keep the NC strict even in a case of a Birthday. ?   Thanks !  

  • Al 2015-08-19 07:33:37

    God Almighty! This post is still running! 😀 Anyway, just popped in to say, "My Boomerang Just Came Back" and most likely will disappear again soonish. BUT in the meantime, the sex is as good as ever it was. Better actually. If It wasn't, I'd just cut contact completely. Just do as BD and Co advise, play the waiting game, they'll be back. 🙂

  • Calm 2015-08-19 19:30:58

    It does seem a lot of the point is being missed.  Though the post talks about the ex returning, this is NOT what you should be thinking about.  You shouldn't be giving her a second thought because chances are she isn't giving you one.  Sure eventually she might come back, but ask yourself, do you REALLY want her back?  This is the chick that left YOU.  Even if she came back you you ever really trust her to be in a relationship?  You will always be waiting in the back of your mind for the axe to fall again.  She isn't likely to change for the better, she came out on top in her mind, so why should she? This is YOUR chance to become something else.  If you did things that drove her off fix them.  Fix them for YOU.  Not for her.  Go out, and live!  I don't care how awesome this chick was, there is another.  And another.  And another.  As soon as you realize this then the ex will NOT matter.

  • Al 2015-08-19 19:53:03

    @ Calm You are quite correct if the ex is the one and only. If the "relationship" went bad it will go bad again. And yes, you shouldn't give them a second thought. But it can be helpful to know that most often, if you got things right in bed, they will come back for sex. So it's good to keep them up your sleeve. But if the pining male is young and has oneitis and wants them back so that "things are like they used to be" then it is time to move on. But no contact does work. I've done it loads of times. And when you don't give a shit and are truly outcome independent, somehow, it seems to work even better. Now, I wonder why that might be? 😀 If you have been having sex regularly with a woman, whatever she gives as the reason for leaving, generally it will be because she gets a dose of Disney or ASD or SP, or all three. So she gives drama and leaves. Of course, she may not come back. She may just not like you anymore. But whatever the circumstances, return rates are very high if you follow a few simple rules. 🙂 If the sex is worth it, hang in there. if not, move on.

  • Dawson Stone 2015-08-20 08:22:47

    @Mike You know the answer to your own questions. I mean are you really that dense? 1. Why on Earth would you ask her if it was a date? You might have well just have asked, "Hey I am still hung up on your and am pathetically jealous of a new guy you may be seeing and that he might be better than me so can you please calm my insecurities and tell me it isn't a date?" For God's sake don't be such a pussy and 2. Fuck no you don't contact her if it's her birthday, she wins the lottery, she becomes President, fill-in-pathetic-excuse-to-contact-her-here.

  • Mike 2015-08-20 08:40:39

    @Dawson.   I hear ya.. Anyways i've been busy lining up dates for a few weeks now, had 2 in bed up to now... I have a date lined up with a chick tomorrow evening- 23 yrs younger than me / i'm 49), I'm keeping fit and lifting weights at home.  I agree the best is to keep ones self and mind busy. Great site btw.

  • L 2015-08-20 15:26:31

    "When you enter into a long-term relationship there is only one absolute…things will deteriorate. Drama will go up and happiness will go down. That is a guarantee." Damn straight. Among other things, the woman is no longer afraid of saying the wrong thing, because you've committed, so she doesn't have to worry about scaring you off. She feels free to reign fire from her mouth. Talking about typical mono relationship of course. I finally split with the girl I've been mono with for just over a year today...and thank heavens; let me tell you a 'little' story. All you betas and Alpha 1.0's out there, wake the hell up, because I have. Before I did the dumb thing and went exclusive with her, I was keeping up to date on this site and applying the techniques, and things were going great. I'd been on more dates, and had more date offers, within a month, than I had for the previous 20 years of my life. Amazing. But then I let my guard down, and one night this girl I just split with, she sent me a 'wholehearted' text stating her feelings etc because she knew I was seeing this other chick. And I fell off guard because I was new to it all, and stupidly forgot everything I'd learned here. I told the other woman I was gonna see someone else, and then fell straight back into the stupid monogamy trap. Jesus, it pains me just thinking how dumb it was. But of course, due to NRE, I didn't think so at the time. At least I've learned in my early 20's Anyway, yeah, me and the girl got monogamous and by 6 months, she turned condescending and spoke to me like shit.  All I was doing was getting pissed off all the time at her (essentially spot on definition of Alpha 1.0, now that I look back). I must have spent essentially 90% of the whole year period just pissed off. I found that, as an Alpha 1.0, getting exclusive drags me into a 'monog mindset'. I felt like my partner 'should' listen and do what I want. I got roped in real good. Almost everything that ever pissed me off during my time with her was due to her not acting exactly how I desired her to. Had we not been in a relationship to begin with, I wouldn’t have felt like that (controlling), because I’d know I had no right to do so; to demand and expect her to act in certain ways. Outside of a relationship I couldn't care less, and as an AM1.0 I think its a big trap to avoid. Anyway, over the last 2 months, I notice things changing considerably. Withdrawing a lot. And by this point, it got to the point I had absolutely no desire to see her. Full stop. She'd also been talking down to me ALL the time by this point; lowered my self-esteem something ROTTEN. So we hadn't seen each other for a period of a few weeks, nor talked, and she brings it up. Hostile of course, talking at me as if I've been 'naughty'. So she says she hates to say it but she's enjoyed the time away from me. Feels we are considerably different, and clearly indicates its time to split. So, perfect chance. I responded in a completely outcome independent way (actually used Dawson's template examples near the top), and said 'Okay, I understand totally... etc' and she started saying I didn't care and asking why don't I care. Anyway, I responded to 'why don't you want to discuss it' with 'I understand what you've said, and I agree. I wish to discuss it no further, but I agree that we are in no way on bad terms.' She went off in a huff saying, 'wishing I'd open up for once', and saying its like I just don't care and have accepted it, and I'm talking like I have no choice in the matter. But wtf, she already made her decision, and from how she stated it, it was pretty clear. So no, I shouldn't have a choice in the matter. Make your decision and stick to it. Don't say it otherwise. Annnnd I just haven't replied...because I genuinely can't be bothered. I don't care, but I didn't want to be so blunt, because I know she'll be back (but I wont be getting mono again, NOOOOO SIREEEE). Never again will I get in a relationship. NEVER. OMG such freedom. I cannot describe how much you should avoid getting exclusive, if you are someone out there weighing up whether to do this stuff or not. DON'T DO IT.

  • stoyan 2015-08-22 07:10:12

    Hello,me and my girlfriend were dating for 2 years and we were living together for a year and a half.We had some issues and the relatonship ended in february.(basically i got lazy,needy,complacent and so on).During the first month we spoke twice (both conversatons initiated by me).I tried to ask her out but she declined the first time,the second she agreed to visit me at home,but told me she will be for half an hour or something and i told her that i am not interested in being her friend and if she wants,she can visit me,but told her to not force a time frame on me.Then a friend of mine called her to fix the "issues".I didn't even know about that.Since then she is cold towards me.I tried one last time to ask her out 4 months ago,she initially accepted,but called me the other day to tell she has a boyfriend and it wouldn't be appropriate.She would like to keep me as friend.I told her that i'm not interested in being her friend,told her to not bother me anymore ,unless she is  interested in meeting me and wished her well.One month later(3 months ago) she called me,i couldn't pick up the phone,but called her back later that night,but she didn't pick up.3 days pass by and she calls again,i didn't pick up the phone,but called her later that night,she did pick up the phone that time and her first question was "why do you call me" i saw you did call me,but i didn't answer.We spoke for a while(obviously her sister gave a birth to a child and she felt some nostalgia ,i asked her out and she told  me that she has a boyfriend and it is not appropriate.I said ok,if you don't want to date me ,just delete my number.i won't call if it bothers you. I haven't spoke with her since then.I think she is a serial monogamist.She had 2 serious relationships before and both of those were 3 years long.So do you think she will ever call back?Do i need to call her and apologize for being rude,by saying to her to delete  my number if she doesn't wan to meet me.   Any advice will be much appreciated     Thank you , Stoyan

  • Al 2015-08-22 07:21:17

    @ Stoyan Interesting that she has had three relationships of about 3 years. That's about as long as monogamous relationships last. Why should you apologise? You weren't rude, you spoke the truth. DO NOT contact her. If she contacts you, you have a choice. You can ignore her or you can attempt to hook up. But she is probably just on a fishing trip when she contacts you to see if she can use you as "Plan B" when the new man goes wrong, which he will. In any event, find another woman, preferably more than one. You have at least learned that moving in with someone is not the way to go. 🙂

  • L 2015-08-22 07:29:24

    What you said at the end there Al, I consider myself incredibly lucky that you guys highlight these issues (when moving in; marriage) before being old enough to be in that situation. I found this blog when I was 21. I made the mistake of getting exclusive still yes, but it won't happen again and that's hardly a drop in the ocean considering the crapfest I'd be in if I ever moved in/got married. You guys saved me while I am still young (just turned 23).

  • Al 2015-08-22 07:33:37

    @ L Yep, as the saying goes, "If I'd known then what I know now." 🙂 We've all got it wrong at some stage, mainly because we just did what everyone else was doing. So, don't kick yourself, but never do it again! lol 😀

  • Eddie 2015-08-22 20:29:12

    If settling down is something we shouldn't do, then why does majority of the world get married and have kids?   There is nothing wrong with wanting to devote your life to one special person.  

  • Al 2015-08-22 21:41:04

    If settling down is something we shouldn’t do, then why does majority of the world get married and have kids? There is nothing wrong with wanting to devote your life to one special person.
    No, there is nothing wrong with wanting to do that, just so long as you like drama, divorce, alimony, being unhappy, cheating, being cheated on etc. etc. I am devoted to one of my lady friends. I do and will do a lot for her. But she does a lot for me too. AND she and I realise that settling down and being exclusive would ruin the fantastic life that we have now. She makes me happy. We have great sex. We have no need to comply with society's demands that we should live together. But you do ask a very important question. Just why does the majority of the world get married and have kids? Because, as yet, not enough men are refusing to knuckle down and be providers. But the tide is changing on that one. And, more and more women are starting to see the sense of remaining free and happy also.

  • Shinealight 2015-08-23 09:07:30

    Good stuff. I was with my girl for many years and we just broke up. I softed a week and she called so i had her over. I looked at her straight in the face and said: "We don't have to end this, it's been a lovely relationship. Enjoy your freedom, take care of yourself, hang out with you'r guy friends (beta pussys) and lets go with the flow". She left all confused. My question is..should i do a 2 month soft through her bday even if she contacts me? Or should i jump on the oportunity to bang?

  • Eddie 2015-08-23 14:53:17

    I am 30 and have yet to even ever find a girl that doesn't want marriage.

  • Eddie 2015-08-23 14:54:14

    I feel that most women want the marriage and kids so they have a sort of partner, safety net, protection for the rest of their life.

  • Al 2015-08-23 17:40:54

    @ Shinealight

    My question is..should i do a 2 month soft through her bday even if she contacts me? Or should i jump on the oportunity to bang?
    My advice would be, now that you have set things up, you don't contact her first. Go silent. If she contacts you, you need to navigate through what she says. I can't predict what she'll do and say, nor can you. But be outcome independent. If it looks like sex is on the cards but for some reason it doesn't happen, go silent again. AND look for someone else!!

  • Al 2015-08-23 17:43:21

    @ Eddie

    I am 30 and have yet to even ever find a girl that doesn’t want marriage. I feel that most women want the marriage and kids so they have a sort of partner, safety net, protection for the rest of their life.
    Exactly. And in return, they promise to have sex with you three times a week for the rest of your life. Not going to happen. Your choice. Keep looking.

  • Shinealight 2015-08-24 14:44:10

    I have 2 in rotation right now Al.

  • Eddie 2015-08-24 15:16:41

    So Al, you are saying that we should always be going from girl to girl for the rest of our life? But you will always be alone. Never have anyone to take care of you or when you need something. Especially if you have no family or siblings. and don't have any kids either.

  • Al 2015-08-24 18:12:54

    @ Shinealight

    I have 2 in rotation right now Al.
    That's great. Then not giving a shit about what the other one does should be easy. I guess you have a soft spot for her. I am guilty of that as well. So, just let her come to you. 🙂

  • Al 2015-08-24 18:21:21

    @ Eddie

    So Al, you are saying that we should always be going from girl to girl for the rest of our life?
    That's the last thing I'm saying. That's serial monogamy and doomed to failure. Make sure you have at least 3 on the go.
    But you will always be alone. Never have anyone to take care of you or when you need something. Especially if you have no family or siblings. and don’t have any kids either.
    If you haven't already, read the archive here. Start with this interesting conversation from June 2015, The Only 9 Options for Men as they Age. Above all, prepare for your older age financially and physically. This will give you options when you are older.

  • Dawson Stone 2015-08-24 23:42:15

    @Eddie You are asking the wrong question.

    So Al, you are saying that we should always be going from girl to girl for the rest of our life? But you will always be alone. Never have anyone to take care of you or when you need something. Especially if you have no family or siblings. and don’t have any kids either.
    Do you want a romantic relationship with a woman or a caretaker? Even if I didn't have family or children I have had fantastic women in my life that have taken care of me when I was sick or needed something. I have done the same for them. I also have guy friends that I trust and know are there for me. You somehow equate having a woman with a pulse by your side as somehow not being alone. I can tell you I was never lonelier that when I was with a women I didn't want to be with due to obligation, guilt, etc. But let's say you decide to take the ridiculous step and settle down with one woman so that you won't be "alone." You are all set right? What if she leaves you? What if she dies first? What happens to your loneliness reduction strategy then? Romantic partnership should last as long as they make both people happy and not a moment longer. That might mean you have a series of month long relationships, a few 10 year relationships and/or everything in between. But if you are focused on "settling down" you have already lost the game. When you see the world as a place of abundance you don't think this way. You have a scarcity mentality and that will hold you back in every single area of your life.

  • Rob 2015-08-25 12:48:19

    @whitedragon Thanks for the insight. She isn't my supervisor. Similar roles, different teams though. It's been almost 6 months now since the breakup. I was able to work from a different location and hence haven't seen her in the past 4 months. That being said, she still pings me once in a while on office IM. For many months I had blocked that too. Absolutely no cell phones at all. All blocked. Last week she sent me a word document that she needed help with. It was for her promotion. I did spend a lot of time and made it as perfect as I could. later on she said...you always help me no matter what. Honestly, I want her to boomerang - no lying and Dwason will be mad at me. But, I'm definitely not asking her out. She absolutely has to. I just don't want to chit chat for a few minutes with her every other day and not have her back in my life. It hurts. I asked her out for dinner about 2-3 weeks ago but she ignored and then I had to block her for a few weeks till a few days ago. It's fucking complicated 🙂

  • Bob 2015-08-26 08:13:38

    While this won't always work, I've noticed exes especially ones that there's a close bond too almost ALWAYS come back eventually if you just completely throw them away and ignore everything.  That for me recently included blocking from Facebook etc. (which may or may not have been a bad move).  We sort of ended it on an emotional note but at the end she was liking some of my Facebook status updates and posts and that's when I removed her.  I think this will make her wonder about whether I've found someone else etc. In the end it seems like the more you throw them away, the harder they come back for you eventually.  I wonder why that is though with women?  Even hot women like my Ex that's back with her former ex right now has plenty of choices.  Why do women tend to try to migrate back to their previous Ex boyfriends when they get thrown away?  I'm not disagreeing with the fact that this works, but I'm wondering what the psychology behind it is for women?

  • Chris 2015-08-26 14:38:57

    New here and hopefully dragon and dawson don't smite me down for asking this but here goes. Ill try to keep it short and sweet Was in a strong 5 year relationship with this girl. Started to act like an alpha 1.0. I treated her like shit, gave her every reason to leave my ass and she did, good for her, for another guy. Not sure if this is crucial information-but he is much less of a man then I am, but probably much nicer of a person. In the time we've been apart (almost 3 years) I've become full alpha and the texts from her have started., though not entirely telling.  Now I am not calling this situation unique, But I am looking for opinions/advice. Thank you.

  • Darren 2015-08-27 07:31:57

    @Dwason I have a question for you. Please do not think that I am trying to trick you. Your comments have made people think and you are very well respected here. Q: What advice would you give to your daughter? I ask you because I have one & I'm 36 and have a hosts of issues. If I follow the lifestyle you suggest, I wonder what will my daughter learn from me and I fear she may never settle down in the future. Thanks for all your advices.

  • Al 2015-08-27 07:42:46

    @ Darren I know you didn't ask me, but, why should your daughter settle down???? Why shouldn't she be free and long term happy?

  • Dawson Stone 2015-08-27 08:03:54

    @Darren Thank you.  I wouldn't have thought you were trying to trick me. lol I have already told my daughter (she is 15 1/2) that my preference is that she not get married but if she does I will pay for it and walk her down the aisle. I have also told her that I think what people usually refer to as romantic love is a horrible basis for a romantic relationship as it causes a lack of objectivity. That healthy relationships are based on value-based affection. I have told her that she should NOT want a guy to be with her because he is committed to her (regardless of in marriage or not) but because he wants to be with her and for not other reason. My daughter has strong views about monogamy that she isn't ready to hear from me on but I will get there when she is a bit older. In her early 20s I expect. In terms of being exposed to my lifestyle she doesn't meet anyone I date. Zero exceptions. She knows I date more than one woman at a time, don't want commitment but also treat the women I am with very well. She knows I have helped some with jobs, career path, networking, etc. She knows I am friends with women I dated as much as 8-10 years ago. The most important word in your question was "fear." IMO that tells me a lot. What YOU want for your is irrelevant. To Al's point (I think) all that should matter is what makes your daughter happy. I think what my daughter understands about me and my lifestyle is that I know exactly what I want and I accept nothing less than 100% of what I want and that I am probably the happiest person she knows. My hope is that she is able to figure out (maybe with a little guidance from me) what makes her happy and then builds her life around getting exactly that. I hope that was helpful.

  • James 2015-08-29 20:06:55

    Long story short. I'm 48 my X is 38 6 weeks in the NC. Tomorrow I have a pool party at my bro. I've been seeing a 25 yr old. Friend for now. Good idea to bring along to pool party. One of my X friend.. Friends will be there I know info will get back to her ... Do you guys think it will make my X Jealous, want to contact me , mad, should I go solo etc... Any insights would be appreciated !!

  • Al 2015-08-29 20:34:59

    @ James Of course you should take her. BUT be very Outcome Independent. Your aims should be: (1) Walk in with this girl on your arm. (2) Have a very good time yourself. (3) Make sure your 25 yr old has a good time too. (4) Use this date to make her into more than a friend. (5) Knowing that this will get back to your ex, WAIT until she contacts you then see what she says. Cross that bridge when you get to it. (6) The main aim is to have both these girls and more in your life. (7) And the less you give a sh1t about what happens, the better the results will be. (8) Be happy! 😀

  • Calm 2015-08-29 20:56:24

    @ James I think the point Al makes with #7 is the best way to look at it.  Giving a crap about what the ex does, one way or the other, is giving her control over you.  Outcome independence is the path to take.

  • Al 2015-08-29 21:05:29

    @ James Further, I hate the use of the word "ex" An ex is always a potential "not ex" But to treat this as getting an ex back into a monogamous relationship by making her jealous is NOT the way to go. Relationships, when left to their own devices, are transitory. Have a good swim! 🙂

  • James 2015-08-29 21:13:36

    Thanks good advice indeed.?

  • Whitedragon 2015-09-01 13:44:21

    @Rob I agree with you - work can cause some serious complications!  Are things improving at all, or are they pretty much the same? My situation has continued to devolve.  If anything, she is even more dedicated to her supervisory duties - actually, she has become probably the best supervisor I've ever had.  However, she will not talk about anything not related to work - not even the tiniest detail.  It is so frustrating and, even though she smiles at me during meetings, I know that I am one step away from an HR complaint if I ever even mention our past relationship again.  Worse yet, I can't call her at night or visit her or IM her about personal things - each one could be career damaging to say the least. I'd say that you are in a pretty good position, not seeing her for four months.  The more time passes, the higher the likelihood that she'll reach out to you on a personal topic.   Boomerangs come back all of the time but, like a watched pot that never boils, seemingly nothing you do can initiate the comeback.

  • od_dude 2015-09-01 22:38:05

    make a long story short, had a fling with an old highschool crush, were both unhappily married, rocked her in the sack, she ended it because I got pissy one time as the situation was stressful, she was demanding a lot of my time.  I soft nexted for a year on and off, she came back, we hit the bed for about 6 months, she ended abruptly, I started soft nexting again for a year, got no where, couldn't get a sex chat out of her, she told me a few weeks ago to let go, and move on, she didn't think of me that way anymore, etc, I started suspecting another dude came into the picture, last week I confirmed she was leaving her husband and going to work for a this other guy.  I decided to follow Blacks advice, and hit the nuclear bomb, I had worried I had been a little too pussy like over that last year as she got me to admit I had feeling for her, but alas I hit the red button, I deleted all contacts with her, twitter, facebook, blocked her text,  2 days later, 2 days later, seven email from her, trying to justify it all, I need us to stay friends, nothings happed with this guy blah blah why are you being like that,  my responses have been, - I've enjoyed our time together and the connection we shared, I'm glad I could make you O every time, ( which I did ), if you want to feel that again let me know.  I think at this point ill go black for a month or so, even if she emails me, I suspect she already slept with the other guy and it wasn't the wow she was hoping, i'm  fair bit larger than average at 6 foot 2 and about 7.9 inches, so if im betting the new guy who I know is 5.9 or so and if average is his odds hes coming in at 5 to 5.5 inches.    Now don't get me wrong,  I don't want this girl anymore, she a train wreck as you can tell, but id like the FB if I can keep it and I was feeling a bit beta, but now I dropped the bomb and dam if alpha hasn't ripped through me again.   So had one boomerang with her soft nexting, now I'm doing the full ignore, this is going on 3 years now, so anyone who thinks this doesn't work, trust in Dragon.

  • Rob 2015-09-03 04:27:29

    @whitedragon I went to the office today after 4 months. Took lots of chocolates for my friends. She IMed me....Good to see you. I said thanks and that's it. I sent a mass email to the guys letting them know of the chocolates. BCCed her as well. She didn't come. I still have trouble sitting on my chair. I leave my desk and sit in the cafe for elongated period of time. I still am nervous, improved but still tough. I used to laugh a lot. Now, I hardly speak. Just work quickly, quietly, and disappear. It's just difficult. Very difficult to move on. Thanks!

  • amigo 2015-09-04 14:04:02

    Are there any stories out there when ex does 'not' boomerang? And what lessons can we learn from such life moments. Not everyone is Alpha 2 like BD! Question for us mortals. Thanks,

  • Al 2015-09-04 18:09:35

    @ amigo Of course there are stories of never seeing a woman again. And the longer you live, the longer the list will get. But we don't worry do we. Because we are moving on and seeing other women. Or we should be. Mind you, some boomerangs can take years to come back. I had a wonderful (non monogamous) relationship with a girl for about 4 years, 25 years ago. (Yeah I know, I'm giving my age away). I honestly can't remember how we lost touch now. I still think of this girl quite regularly. She was quite a girl and we had FUN! There are good memories and I'm grateful to have known her. Truth is, if you are coming out of a monogamous relationship with your lost boomerang and are sitting there waiting with a view to getting her back into the same monogamous relationship, you are wasting your time. Assume that she won't be back, date lots of other women, and see what happens. The life lesson here is that relationships are transitory, not for life. 🙂

  • amigo 2015-09-04 20:49:40

    Al, I wish & hope she also thinks of you as regularly as you think of her. I am married with a kid. Had a 6 months relationship with a wonderful woman. That broke of too. I don't want to give the lawyers my hard earned money and I can't date either. To this day, 7 months now, I still think of that lady almost all day long. Does she think of me? I don't know. But as Dawson Stone said....be happy in life. If she comes, she comes and if she doesn't, she doesn't. Simple, but execution - difficult. I'll admit though, I hate these stressful days. I literally hate these times. Anyways, I don't have any hope of her returning. She's too stubborn. So I guess, I'll get back to my dull and boring life. Peace!

  • Shinealight 2015-09-05 09:08:13

    I fucked up....not even two weeks into a hard next i drove to her house and threw an article of clothing she bought me as a gift in her driveway. I banged two girls that day prior. Im getting lots of pussy and im still having an extremely hard time with this. I'm going to blow it. Someone fuckin help me here i feel like im suffering some major drug withdrawels here. Thank u.

  • Frankie 2015-09-05 10:00:54

    I have one question I thought about: In the article it mentions that you can check up on her facebook 4-6 months later, I havent unfriended my ex but I have unfollowed her and I dont see her page at all anymore since I stopped caring as much. However I acted beta with her in the past and she is seeing someone else now, I know she still have feelings left for me but im ignoring her now and moving on until she makes an effort. Deep down I want her back which is obvious otherwise I wouldnt take my time to post this. What I was thinking though: Should I delete her from facebook to send a signal that I want to move on and that im not ok with her past behaviour (numerous flakes, disrespectful actions and she dumped me for someone else wanting to remain friends)? Or should I just continue living my life and be happy and avoid looking at her page. What im thinking is that she might think I am ok with her past behaviour if I still remain friends with her on facebook and by unfriending her I will move on faster and also send a message to her. Just want to say that I made it clear to her that im not interested in being her friend overall. I know this is overanalyzing I was doing very well for myself but today I ran into her and her new BF and I just ignored them and didnt say anything but it still hurts to be constantly reminded of my beta actions and her moving on. What makes me happier though is that im still young and shes older and in 5-10 years she will be uglier and cant rely on her looks while I can go out and be a complete stud living my life to the fullest until im 60+. Thanks.  

  • Dawson Stone 2015-09-05 19:35:57

    @Frankie

    I know she still have feelings left for me
    No you don't. You don't know shit and quite frankly you shouldn't care. She might. She might not. If it isn't irrelevant to you then you have completely missed the point.
    but im ignoring her now and moving on until she makes an effort. Deep down I want her back
    Which is why you won't get her back.
    Should I delete her from facebook to send a signal that I want to move on and that im not ok with her past behaviour
    No. You should delete her from your Facebook because you have no self control and can't be trusted to not do something stupid. Don't send a signal you want to move on (are you like 15 years old?) ACTUALLY move on Honestly if you guys could just hear how you sound! Why would any chick want to fuck you if you are such pussies? It isn't that complicated. Create a great life for yourself. Friends. Career. Wealth. Health and fitness. Amazing women. Just enjoy your life and the people in it for as long as they are in it. Whenever you have a scarcity mentality it fucks up your decision making abilities. Any time you get even a hint of oneitis you have by definition created a scarcity mentality and it will get you a sub-optimal outcome.

  • Dawson Stone 2015-09-05 19:44:03

    @Amigo In my experience the biggest factor is if you were emotionally punishing when things ended. The bigger asshole you were the less likely the boomerang. Don't get me wrong, they can and still do sometimes boomerang but that is the single biggest factor. One thought about boomerangs though. I have had well over 200 boomerangs in my life (I actually have no clue the actual number but it is at least that many) and I have yet to have an experience where it was as good as before. They are older. Not in as good shape. And you have already fucked them...many many times in some cases. More importantly there was a reason things ended. And people generally don't change. What you will almost always feel after the boomerang is "Oh yea, that's why things didn't last." So I am as willing to accept an easy boomerang as much as the next guy but realize a new chick will almost always outperform any boomerang.

  • Calm 2015-09-05 21:13:59

    Boomerangs... I don't think I've ever had one not come back.  I've had old High School flames pop back up YEARS after.  But you have to not want it.  You have to not even be thinking about it.  I've never had one come back while they were on my mind.  If they did it would have been a mess.  As stated here many times, you have to let it go.  While you're sitting around wondering she's out getting some new D.

  • Shinealight 2015-09-06 05:23:52

    Dawson your right. On the other hand.. i really don't think you can do anything to curve a womans attraction for you permanently simply by acting like a wuss. Pretty much every woman that i've stayed in contact with on a friendly or at times a non-friendly basis has ALWAYS come back to fuck me. As a matter of fact the ones ive acted like the biggest pussy around have been more likely to come back after i haven't contacted them of course. Women will always be attracted to the man that they knew to begin with. When you start acting like a pussy, they leave. When you go back to being yourself the attraction comes back. The best thing about it is that its up to you whether you want to get them back in the sak at that point. We all really sometimes forget that its about what we want. What we want we get. When you fall into the pussy trap they leave you there until you find a way to climb your ass out. Remember it works both ways. Just think about when they end up in the cock trap..makes you wanna run dont it?

  • johnny017 2015-09-08 09:09:29

    This was my text to her this morning....I haven't had a verbal conversation with her in 3 months and my last text was week ago..This was my text this morning.... Me: You have my vacuum . please drop it off and put it by my front door.   Her reply : You said that you wouldn't be ugly to me if things didn't work out. That is a huge lie. I worked off you paying for my school. You had to have known that cashing a $750 check on the first week of the month, when my rent, car payment, insurance payment etc are due would put me in a bad financial position.I would never do anything like that to you. I'll gladly give you back your vacuum and sound bar. Thank you for wasting two years of my life. Please stop contacting me. P.S. - Just give you a little background.  I was dating this girl fro 2.5 years and She decided to break it off because I wasn't paying her enough attention, i was working too much, and she felt I wasn't  going to move forward an get engaged.   We have been broken up for about 5 weeks. She started dating someone else and the guy she  was dating was posting pictures on instagram of both of them. I found a check in my drawer for $750.00 that she gave me in January for her college classes. i never cashed it then because I knew she was struggling financially so i was being supportive boyfriend at the time.   I figured our relationship was now over so why not cash it and move on. She obviously wasn't happy about it I also don't want the sound bar, just my vacuum:) Any thoughts on what I should text back to her from the above reply she gave me this morning or if I should even respond? Thanks

  • Al 2015-09-08 09:19:15

    @ johnny017 These are her telling words:

    Thank you for wasting two years of my life. Please stop contacting me.
    This actually means, please keep in touch. So, leave it where it is. Don't contact her. When she gets in touch later, which she will, complaining that you haven't contacted her, you can rightly say that you were respecting her wishes as expressed in her last text to you (which I would keep). 🙂

  • johnny017 2015-09-08 09:28:27

    Ok, Thanks for the advice.  That's good way to look at it. If she brings back the vacuum is that a good sign ?  I also still have her as a friend on my FB page, should I unfriend her or leave it as is? Thanks    

  • Al 2015-09-08 09:35:12

    @ johnny017 I wouldn't do anything, (you mentioned Facebook but now your post has changed) even if you think it will make you feel better. 🙂 Vacuum cleaner????? Hardly the most important thing is it?? She will or she won't. You can't read anything into that. Leave everything as it is and disappear. By the way. I would also translate, "Thank you for wasting two years of my life" as, "It was a good two years but you didn't blow fairy dust up my ass often enough." She almost called you an asshole. That's what you want to hear. She has someone else so she feels free to give drama to you. And if you do get back together, for god's sake don't get engaged, or married, or move in. Make it clear what you want.

  • johnny017 2015-09-08 09:49:59

    Good point, Thanks.    She apparently didn't get what she wanted so she moved on......LOL. What is the usual time frame when she will come back begging? or do i need to reach out an initiate contact during a certain point in time?    

  • Al 2015-09-08 09:57:15

    Opinions vary but I don't contact them first.

  • johnny017 2015-09-08 10:50:15

    Ok, I' ll go out and have fun and chase other women then.  If she comes back around, then more fun for me:)  Apparently, she wasn't solid girlfriend material if she bailed on me and had no loyalty.  She showed her true colors by doing this.  I'm assuming most of them come back around eventually?   Thanks  

  • Al 2015-09-08 10:58:03

    Ok, I’ ll go out and have fun and chase other women then.
    Yes! 🙂  
     If she comes back around, then more fun for me 🙂
    Yes! 🙂
     Apparently, she wasn’t solid girlfriend material..............
    Why are you looking for solid girlfriend material? If she was your girlfriend, then she had you in boyfriend mode. That's a big no no.
    She showed her true colors by doing this.
    She behaved the way the majority of women behave. It's not her fault. Society has told her since she was 4 that she's a princess and should expect to be treated like one. It's not her fault. Men compound the error by putting up with this. I’m assuming most of them come back around eventually? Two weeks to two years, though she'll do a fishing trip at about 2 months probably.

  • Dawson Stone 2015-09-08 11:00:20

    @Johnny017 OK I am going to call a spade a spade here. You were being a dick and you knew you were being a dick. You didn't give a crap about the vacuum. That was just an excuse to engage her. Depositing a check after months 9 months was also a dick move. At a minimum you should expect she might have forgotten that check was still outstanding. Instead of asking her to drop off the vacuum you could have told her you stumbled on the check and wanted to make sure it was OK to deposit. That would have been a way to re-engage her without being a dick...although you SHOULD'NT be re-engaging at all. All you have done is validated her decision to dump you by being a dick. Way to go! And Al, I have to disagree. She isn't saying they were two good years and she damn straight isn't saying please keep in touch. He was an asshole and she was understandably calling him an asshole. You were emotionally punishing (and a dick) just because your ego was bruised. Own it and move the fuck on. If you want this chick to boomerang in the future (and I am not saying you should want that) I would put the $750 back in her account, rip up the check, apologize and tell her to keep the vacuum and that you put the money back. Before she even has an opportunity to respond, delete her off FB, Twitter, block her email, block her phone. It will actually bug her a little that she doesn't get to say "thank you." It is human nature. You probably won't take my advice but that is the best way to get this chick to boomerang down the road when the memory of your dickishness has faded and she recalls that in the end you were decent with her.

  • Al 2015-09-08 11:10:10

    @ Dawson

    And Al, I have to disagree. She isn’t saying they were two good years and she damn straight isn’t saying please keep in touch.
    All I can say is that in my experience, the more a woman huffs and blows at break up time and calls you an asshole etc. including, "never contact me again" the more likely she is to be back, quite quickly. You don't contact them of course, but it's something I like to hear from them. The more insults they throw, the better, though it may of course be an indication that you don't actually want to bother with them again if it gets really bad. But it's a good indicator. When they disappear quietly, don't say anything, and are indifferent, then there's a good bet you aren't going to see them again. But experiences vary no doubt.

  • johnny017 2015-09-08 11:15:36

    Ok, I'm trusting your judgement.  Just to clarify, you would like for me to text her back, put $750 into her bank account and then tell her to keep the vacuum and unfriend her on facebook?  Doesn't this show that I'm giving  her the power/control back in her hands? I thought you suggested for me to go through the No Contact period until she reaches out to me?        

  • KR 2015-09-08 11:27:19

    What do you tell your ex who wants to have sex with you but doesn't think "it's a good idea" because she has in a NRE

  • Dawson Stone 2015-09-08 11:41:11

    @Johnny017 You need to undo (as much as you can) the damage you have done. So listen carefully here. Do things in EXACTLY this order. 1. Put back the $750 into her account. 2. Remove her from all forms of communication except text (because that is the last step) 3. Send her this exact text: "I really want to apologize for blindsiding you by depositing the check. I felt bad and re-deposited the money in your account and the funds should be available immediately. Consider the debt paid. And never mind about the vacuum. Keep it. Give it to charity. Whatever. I am really sorry things ended badly and that is probably my fault. I want nothing but the best for you. Be well." 4. IMMEDIATELY block her number so you can't get calls or texts from her. Believe it or not THIS will give you back the power if you don't pussy out and contact her before she contacts you (which she almost certainly will.) It will feel like an itch she can't scratch to thank you for being decent in the end and every time she looks at that vacuum it will remind her that ultimately you were a good guy. Her memories of your being a dick will fade and she will remember the better times. It might take 3 months. It might take 3 years. I have had boomerangs happen as much as EIGHT years later. Move on. Find new girls to enjoy and spend time with. People think that by blocking someone they won't reach out them, but in my experience exactly the opposite is true. They try HARDER when you have cut them from your life. They will create a new email account, drunk text you from a friend's phone, re-friend you on FB, etc. If they want to reach you it is easy as can be. If they aren't reaching you it isn't because you blocked them it is because they haven't been trying. The opposite of love isn't hate, it is ambivalence. You need to race towards ambivalence as quickly as possible. @Al This is not my experience. Some women do boomerang no matter how shitty you end things but in my experience boomerang rates are way higher (and better boomerangs) when things ended well. But as you say, your milage may vary. 🙂

  • johnny017 2015-09-08 12:02:56

    Ok, I feel like a weak pussy sending her a check back for 750.  Since she still never paid be the additional 750 on top of that.  Plus, She is also dating another dude already Doesn't it look like I'm being submissive? She can be controlling as it is and likes to get her way .......lol I have no problem blocking her calls, not answering her texts, and removing her on FB but As long as you are sure this will have her come back crawling, then it sounds good to me. I see that Al had a different opinion Please advise which one you feel will have the most success.....    

  • Dawson Stone 2015-09-08 12:14:49

    @Johnny017 You were being a weak pussy by being a passive aggressive dick. The fact that she is dating another dude is irrelevant. And you need to BLOCK her texts not ignore them. If you don't see them you can't have a weak moment. Do what you want. No sweat off my balls either way.  

  • johnny017 2015-09-08 12:28:43

    Ok, I see what your saying.  I guess I need to  mail a check to her because I don't have her bank account info and then send the text once I mail her the check? It will probably take a day to get there. She can manipulate and this seems like she will get satisfaction because she sent a manipulating text, but I'm taking your word for it 😉

  • Dawson Stone 2015-09-08 12:56:44

    @Johnny If you know her bank you can get them to look up her account info for you. Takes two seconds. Good luck.

  • johnny017 2015-09-08 13:15:01

    Dawson, Are there any other suggestions ? I'm still little hesitant on sending her out a check. Thanks

  • Dawson Stone 2015-09-08 13:27:07

    Nope.

  • johnny017 2015-09-08 14:20:25

    I think I'll just stop all contact with her like you mentioned in your previous email.    She's done enough damage to me that I never rubbed in her face.  She's obviously angry for several reasons  and I was plenty good to her.    She was the one that chose to end the relationship with me and move on.  At this point in time, I don't see the justification to send her a check.  I'm sure she already regrets her decision to move on and maybe her feelings will change down the road.  If she was loyal to me, she would of tried to work it out.  My feelings may change tomorrow but at this time, I guess there is not much I can do but move forward. I haven't seen her once ask me how am i doing or what i have been up too? It's all what can i do for HER and beating me down constantly that I didn't pay enough attention, and I work too much, blah, blah, blah, etc. Is she just full of anger and hurt? I never chased her after she sent me the break up email b/c that was her choice.    

  • Jake 2015-09-08 23:04:08

    Hi Black dragon, I really love your article. It gives me hope of getting my ex back. My case is different, I was the one who dumped her because her actions, her excuses for being not available to meet me, her sudden change of plans on Saturdays ( to go out with her other friends) were indicating that she is dating and sleeping with someone else too. So I told her that this doesn't work anymore. she tried to call me a few times after but I didn't pick up her phone calls.  Since then, she has never contacted me, mostly because I gave her even a better gift of leaving her so she could have more time to be with her new lover. but I missed her so much!!! I really wish if she would call me. It has been about 4 weeks since I dumped her, and I haven't contacted her since. My question: since I was the one who broke up with her and I was the one who didn't respond her phone calls, would your method still work?  would you think that she would call me even if I was the one who broke up with her? I will follow your advice and will not contact her for more than 4 months. I am not even thinking to contact her ever since she was the one who cheating on me. but from bottom of my heart I still like her and wish her back!  please tell me your advice! Thank you so much! I really hope to hear from you! best regards! Jake  

  • johnny017 2015-09-09 06:35:13

    Hey dawson, I wrote her a page letter and then included the 750 check.  I'll keep you posted if/or when their is a response

  • johnny017 2015-09-09 07:31:10

    Whats the next step?  Should I block her from every social media site?  I just want to make sure that I'm covering everything. Thanks

  • Dawson Stone 2015-09-09 13:21:40

    @Johnny017 Dude you followed none of my instructions. I told you to block her first on every form of communication except text You didn't do that. I told you to deposit the money back into her account You didn't do that either...you mailed her a check. I told you to then send her a text. You didn't do that either...you wrote her a letter. Now you are asking me if you should do step 1 now that you ignored steps 1 - 4. Hopeless.

  • Dawson Stone 2015-09-09 13:43:40

    @Jake My advice is work on your self esteem. You want someone that treated you badly and isn't into you. That can only end badly. She cannot and will not respect someone that accepted her for cheating. If she doesn't respect you, no way you can have a healthy relationship with her. Become the type of person that people respect and admire...not for her but for yourself. Develop yourself interpersonally, professionally, physically. Have deep and varied friendships. See the world. Read. She might come back and if she does resist the urge to fall back in with her. If you can keep from going beta, have sex with her if she comes back but that's it. Anything else is just asking for punishment.

  • Calm 2015-09-09 17:40:08

    "She cannot and will not respect someone that accepted her for cheating. If she doesn’t respect you, no way you can have a healthy relationship with her."  And honestly, can you ever trust her enough to get back into it?  Can you really?  No.

  • Jake 2015-09-09 22:32:02

    Thanks Dawson,  Your advice is deep and just. You'r right. @ Dawson and @ Calm: Only one thing I should add to this equation. She had never admitted that she was cheating on me and I did not have any hard evidence to prove that she was cheating, and I have never saw her with any other guy. but her action and absences, her sudden change of plans, and not haven't sex with me for long, her text messaging to others while being with me, and not being available on most weekends (for different reasons such as being sick or her friends coming to visit,....) all indicated that she was seeing someone. we only had sex like once every 2nd or 3rd weekends. So I didn't tell her that I was breaking up with her because she was cheating, instead I told her that this doesn't work for us anymore. because we hardly see each other and she is not available often. She said that she would correct this situation as of next upcoming weekends. but that was not enough for me to justify her past action. I had already a broken heart as I could see that she was not honest with me enough. So I didn't answer her call after and I have broken all ties with her since. @ Dawson, I agree with you 100%. I have to work a lot on my self-esteem, my self belief, and more... @ Calm,  you are right.  she can not be trusted anymore. Yet, we had so much memories together, That's so hard for me to believe that I can not and will not see her one day again! even though I know that I should let her go.

  • johnny017 2015-09-10 08:27:52

    Hey Dawson,   Should I just go complete No Contact for now?  I think she has her mind on someone else since she told me to please stop contacting her.

  • Dawson Stone 2015-09-10 13:51:19

    @Johnny Jesus...YES...NEVER CONTACT HER AGAIN! LIKE NEVER. Is that clear? NEVER! If she contacts you immediately escalate to sex. If she agrees to it and you feel you can trust yourself to not be a pussy again then have sex with her. If she doesn't, she doesn't.

  • johnny017 2015-09-10 14:02:18

    Got it.  I never decided to deposit the 750 into her bank account. At this point, is that irrelevant? What do you think?

  • od_dude 2015-09-10 23:19:15

    I've heard some guys asked to either block on not block on Facebook.  This all depends, can you handle them in their NRB or not if they get a new guy, if you don't give a rats ass, then leave them on, I just hit the un-follow button and pay no attention to them ( I actually un-follow her and her close friends, so they become a non issue ) , the other bonus is they can see when other chicks are liking your posts and updates.  The Boomerang I'm working on emailed me 8 times in 2 weeks because I blocked her, so I unblocked her and in my last email I escalated to the idea of us being intimate, and she went silent again, but liked my b-day status so I know she watching my page, that's fine, I just hit un-follow and continue to like the posts of other chicks I'm interested in. The un-follow option is your friend, also by not blocking them your sending a message your indifference.

  • Amigo 2015-09-11 12:45:04

    Dawson, I was never an asshole. On the contrary, I treated her really well. I helped her with her work, experimented with food so that I could make her something amazing, gifted her lots of things. Anyways it all pointless now. She did say that she wouldn't leave me and she didn't. I did. I was frustrated because I wasn't able to spend enough time with her. Anyways, it's just that I was so emotionally involved that I still think of her. No contact though. Such is life, we love someone so dearly and yet that person doesn't give a rat's ass. I'll get over it, I'm sure. It's been 7 months, another few and I'll won't think of her as much. Thanks,

  • johnny017 2015-09-11 14:56:38

    If I block my ex girlfriend from facebook  would the make her angry or get her to come back chasing a little bit?    

  • Al 2015-09-11 21:07:52

    @ johnny017 Mate, this is a woman we are talking about. You have no idea how she will react. Fundamentally, this blog, this post, is not about having one woman, losing her, and getting her back again. Although some of the techniques proposed here can be used to do that if you really want to go down that route. It is about having a few women in your life and how to deal with them if they bail. And some of them will. I am a firm believer in leaving the door open. BUT, you never chase them. NEVER. To my mind, 'unfriending' someone is immature and childish. It's like sticking your tongue out at someone in the school yard. Plus, you'll never know what message it sends. So with discipline, I repeat, DISCIPLINE, you can leave all the communication channels open. Why? For a start, I want to know how they are thinking. So I want to see their messages, emails etc. if they send them. But, IGNORE what they are doing, or not doing, on other social media. By blocking, unfriending, liking or not liking etc. etc., you are giving them information which they shouldn't have and it shows you up for being emotional and silly, rather than indifferent. So, disappear, don't say a word and just show your total indifference. When they contact you, DO NOT react. Take plenty of time to respond (if you want to, you don't have to) and respond with your brain, not your dick. I know others don't agree with me but there we are. But if you do this, you can at least get her back as an FB. Farting about on social media to try to score points is a waste of time. You should be out and about looking for someone else.

  • Zee 2015-09-12 08:22:45

    @ johnny017 Congrats son, you have gone from being an dick to being a dick and a pussy. What part of the instructions given above by @dawson was too difficult for you to understand. Block the bitch everywhere. Pay attention to your account after a week or two to see if she's withdrawn the money. Whenever she does, you at least know she's got it. Lastly, stop wanting her to come back. Give zero fucks at to what she does or with whom she does it. Just live your life on and be happy. U do know this bitch isn't even in the top 3 billionth most beautiful woman on earth. You are a man, stand up and meet other girls.

  • od_dude 2015-09-12 12:59:01

    @ johnny017   Use the un-follow button, its stealth unfriending, they never know about it, and  her friends if you've added any of them. They wont show up in your feed any more. If you really want to test the Facebook unfriend,  Deactivate your account, and see if she contacts you, when you deactivate its takes you off Facebook until you re- log and then restores everything. So Jonny de-activate your account and take a break from Facebook, if she contacts you and wants to be re added, say your taking a Facebook break, and when you re activate, un-follow her, and disappear, and start giving zero fucks about her, I know its hard at first but every week, meet a new chick doesn't matter if you fuck then or not, just start meeting new ones and give zero fucks.

  • Josef 2015-09-12 16:18:21

    Hey just one question reading here. It says in the post you should ignore the girl COMPLETELY, but then its stated that you should use social media later on to rekindle with her. My question if I would like to rekindle with her in the future: Should I keep her or delete her from social media, what impact diffrences would it make? I mean ignoring her means deleting her from social media too I assumed, or it means just moving on with life and not give a fuck at all. Regards

  • od_dude 2015-09-12 16:57:27

    Josef Having her on Facebook is irrelevant, ignore her post and don't look at her page, un-follow her.  If its to tempting to like or comment on her page, delete her, if you cant stand seeing her in NRB delete her, Facebook is a tool, like a text, it doesn't matter if she on it or not, ignore her, if she checking your page out and liking a post or a pic, that's a good thing, it means your still on her mind, but continue to ignore her until she contacts you.  So here it is, I recommend not deleting her, unless she been the ultimate bitch, unfollow her and her friends, and ignore her, leave her the door to see how awesome your life is.

  • johnny017 2015-09-13 16:06:27

    have you ever seen an ex girlfriend never come back around after she dumps you?      

  • od_dude 2015-09-13 20:51:48

    Johny My wife is a ex boomerang, it took 6 years no contact but we had a nasty break up in our youth,  I'm afraid with your story, and after what has occurred, you might need to wait a while, the key is you have to be a dominate male, or they wont be interested. The lady I was with was a close friend from high school whom I never slept with at the time but we were emotionally close, she contacted me 10 years later, we had a fling, then we didn't talk much for an other 10 years, then we had a 3 year on and off fling,  i'm now in full no contact again, as she is in NRB and has left her husband for a beta male who wife just passed away and he is promising all sorts of shit, she had a bit of an email tantrum on me when I deactivated facebook, I took this as a good sign that she need some visual window to me even if she is in NRB,  one or two years she'll be board of it. Yes some ex don't, but any of the ones I had a close bond with, they did

  • johnny017 2015-09-14 07:08:33

    Ok, Thanks for the advice and the insight.  You advise to go No Contact for 4 months? if she doesn't contact me prior to that, right?  

  • od_dude 2015-09-14 09:41:47

    johnny017 Ive read your story, and it sounded like you were a good guy with her ( probably to good ), and she was selfish ( but most women are selfish little creatures, the act of them boomeranging is a selfish one ), but emotionally punishing in the end, and that will be fresh in her mind. She moved on with some one else.  So you'll have to wait this out, if the new guy is a dick or super beta or not, hopefully her memories of you being punishing will fade and she will remember the good guy,    Personally i wouldn't contact her at all until she made some reach out to you.

  • johnny017 2015-09-14 09:58:34

    Ok, will do.  Looking back on it,  I was very Alpha at the beginning of the relationship and then became Beta towards the last 6 months. I got too comfortable with her and let he make decisions that I shouldnt of allowed.   I gave in with her towards  the end.  She had certain needs that I could provide to her, but I should of held back on a bunch of them.  Dumb move on my part. She was probably testing me too.    That'why , I'm kicking myself looking back on it.....lol  

  • SJ 2015-09-14 10:12:03

    @johnny Further to the above comments by od_dude, I would add that you shouldn't be "waiting out" anything. Concentrate on MOVING ON from this person. Time to live your life dude. Focus on work. Travel. Meet new people, including women. What's done is done. Put it behind you and have some fucking fun. Put BD's 4 month no contact window out of your mind. Yeah, it works, but only after I forgot all about the person and was seeing other women. Just an add to the rotation. And believe others on here when they say it's not the same the second time around. FORGET HER and go have fun.

  • od_dude 2015-09-14 10:47:59

    @jonny SJ is correct, my words wait it out went the write choice, what i should have said is dont expect anything from this girl at this point, given the situation she may or may not come around again, but if any boomerang happens its might be a few years away.  As SJ says, you'll need to be with other women, and dont worry about fucking them or not, i make friends with tons of women, make plans for for drinks, a party, a sports game what ever, if it leads to fucking great if it doesn't what ever, i learn't a long time ago, stop trying to fuck them, and just be a great, funny, confident  dude around them, and they will let you know when they want to fuck, and if they dont other girls see you around lots of wemon, so its win or win for you,  this will double your formers attraction , if your sucking eggs for months, you dont look like much of a catch.

  • johnny017 2015-09-15 06:59:06

    I received this email this morning from my ex.....Any suggestions how I should respond?  Thanks   I have an interview today with a home health company for part time nursing work. I would appreciate a professional reference regarding working for Bentley, as it has no reflection on our personal relationship. Please let me know if you are unwilling to do so.

  • Dawson Stone 2015-09-15 07:14:43

    If you had blocked her email address like I told you to this would be a non-issue. Block her email NOW and don't respond.

  • johnny017 2015-09-15 07:31:56

    Will do.... . I will get my I.T Tech to block it on the company server.  Should I still respond since she worked for my company for 2 years and needs a reference for a potential new position?    

  • Zee 2015-09-15 10:29:21

    johnny017   Lol dude, are you special or something? It doesn't matter if she worked for your company her entire life. Block this bitch with a quickness and don't reply

  • johnny017 2015-09-15 10:32:54

    Lol....i fucked up then. i replied with "absolutely, no prob" Bad move, right? I have blocked her now on everything

  • od_dude 2015-09-15 10:37:56

    "Should I still respond since she worked for my company for 2 years and needs a reference for a potential new position?" do you have a HR person or someone else, if so, forward it to her or him cc to her that its been forwarded to them to handle, then block her, Dawson is correct, but she has a right to a reference if she was employed by your company and was a fair worker, remember you dont want to be emotionally punishing, you can be indifferent. the boomerang i was working on caught me on Facebook chat last night, i didn't even realize i had it on, she chatted to me for 30 mins, i just made some light comments made her laugh and was outcome indifferent, i then politely said i needed to run, i wasn't going to pitch a meet, because it to soon, i still think she in her new relationship, anyways, i'm leaving Facebook chat turned off, if she persist on contact i will pitch a meet.  Its interesting how this works, I've been no contact for month, except one email where she got upset that i had blocked her Facebook, but i hadn't i just deactivated to see if she would care, i really wasn't expecting to hear from her for a 6 months or a year

  • od_dude 2015-09-15 10:45:42

    johnny017 why didn't you wait for our reply,  it would have been better to ignore her, or did what i said forwarded it to her supervisor on the job to deal with,  a personal response from you, bad move.

  • belikeDawson 2015-09-15 11:48:21

    Dawson, 200 boomerangs!! Boy, I want to see the contacts in your phone 😀 how do you even remember the ladies? No wonder they all would feel amazing since you can't remember how it was with them 🙂 did they ever mentioned if they ever missed you, a little or a lot or not at all? Amazing life you live.

  • johnny017 2015-09-16 06:40:02

    My bad, the email came in this morning and I just responded quickly, not putting much thought into it.  If she decides to email me again , i will wait on your response. I've cut off all contact , I haven't had a verbal conversation with her on the phone in over 2 months and I haven't reached out to her. I'm doing all the steps that you advise:   Just ignore her. Don’t text her. Don’t call her. Don’t email her. Don’t Facebook her. Don’t “like” or comment on anything she posts on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or anything else. Completely vanish out of her life, like you were never there.    Like i said before, she is in a NRB now so I'll just be non existent.  That's what you advise, right?   Thanks for the help

  • Zee 2015-09-16 08:20:21

    @johnny017 Stop lying, you haven't blocked this bitch. It's like you love pain huh? You are playing games with yourself and you're hurting yourself. This girl has no power over you at all. She wasn't meant to your wife, soulmate or any of the garbage you read about. It was your turn to be with her when you were with her, she's gone now, meaning its your turn to be with another girl. The steps really is for moving on, not for getting her back. Forget about that whore, move on for real.. When you are well and truly moved on, she will reach out to you (they always do), escalate to sex pronto. I don't even care how you tell her, just make sure she knows if y'all are to hang, you are gonna have to bang her butt-hole. If she doesn't agree to sex, cut the conversation with a quickness and be no contact until she contacts you again, rinse and repeat step..   You biggest problem is that you are using your heart when thinking about this girl, stop it

  • JESUS 2015-09-16 18:20:37

    Fuck me... I came back here after 2 weeks vacation in Europe and I see stories about vacuums, a dude being asked by an ex that previously dumped him to help her out... TOTAL INSANITY! I bought my ex a freakin' TV as a token of appreciation for LEAVING MY HOUSE! Since then, life has never been better. I decide who and when to take out a particular girl. Got 2 on rotation right now... I'm getting older ya know? 😛 After 8 long years, I am finally living on MY terms once again! Life is once again wonderful!!!   JESUS  

  • Aj al 2015-09-17 07:04:25

    Do you think my girlfriend will come back to me because when she left me for another boy because i was too controlling. On texts to her i called her a slag etc then in group chat her and her new boyfriend pissed me of so i said to him "bro i shagged your bird" and she messaged me saying you got no respect i think i just made her completely hate me since then iv got my phone back from her and iv had no contact whatsoever when i asked her on the day of breakup do you love him she said give me some time man by the way that dude is like an hour away from our town and shes only 16 she dont go out much besides school should i continue no contact and see how it goes

  • od_dude 2015-09-17 09:46:36

    @ Aj al Dude, if you fucking 16 year olds, i assume your under 18, please go out and continue to fuck as many as you can, there must be thousands of them with in a few kilometers of every neighborhood.  And Yes when you walk away stop being emotionally punishing, name calling etc, fuck what part of this blog dont you guys read,  Your response when they dump your ass is  " i'm sorry you feel that was, i enjoyed the time we had together, id do all over again, i wish you the best, blah blah blah, then you vanish, you dont text. you dont call, you dont happen to show up where they are, you dont like or comment on Facebook or twitter, you vanish and find other girls.   You were emotionally punishing bad move, now leave it be, her new boyfriend will get sick of the commute soon enough, if she contacts you cool, if not why worry about it.

  • Aj al 2015-09-17 13:19:39

    @ od_dude Should i appologize for what i said then vanish

  • od_dude 2015-09-17 14:51:43

    depends how long its been no contact, if its only been a few days then a quick text,  Apologies for your controlling ways, thank her for the time you've had, and apologies for being ass, wish her nothing but the best.  Then vanish totally, in time she will forget your assness and remember the fun times, then meet new girls, as BD says. Dude your young, you have time and thousands of options, all the time in the world, there will be way hotter girls in your life, trust me. This is you best option to ever have want a chance with them again, if you run after them like puppies, they go further into being turned off,  especially if they have a new boy.  you have no choice.

  • snowman211 2015-09-20 12:23:59

    I split up with my ex 5 months ago, we had an amazing and passionate 8 month relationship but towards the end of it i think i went from an alpha to beta and i feel she lost respect for me. When we broke up i made the mistake of chasing her for a few weeks trying to get her back what i regret now. Eventually she told me do not contact her again, I wrote her an email saying i would respect this. Its now been 4 months of NC and I haven't heard from her in this time. I understand that i fucked up and should of walked away with dignity. In the the last 4months I've been working out and have really improved myself. Ive been on a few dates and have slept with a couple of girls since. I go out with friends and have meet some beautiful girls. Im enjoying life now and don't think about my ex that much. But that said i would still like to meet up with her just to see how she is. In an ideal world if i was to see her i would like it to escalate straight to sex. So my question is should i contact her and if so how should i do it as i fucked up massively when we broke up. Should i apologise for how i acted or not mention it and just meet for a drink? Any thoughts would be great to hear. Thanks

  • Dawson Stone 2015-09-20 12:39:59

    @snowman Are you blind? You know the fucking answer to your own question so quit being such a pussy. Don't contact her EVER and if you haven't blocked her from all social media and other forms of communication do so now Make her work to get back in your life and on your dick.

  • od_dude 2015-09-20 14:14:09

    @snowman in addition, I have advocated keeping them on Facebook, but the one I was NC, was liking my post and sending me Facebook messages, with no results, so If they are playing stupid pay attention to me games, block them fully on media except for text.  After I fully blocked the girl,  I got some lame ass email, how I'm not being there for her, and she would support me blah blah, this while she's mounting some other guys dick.  You really cant rationalise their hamster brain logic, so don't bother, total block, take satisfaction if they are still trying to get attention, if means the new man isn't really rocking them in sack, the NRE they are in is a weak one will fade faster.  Like Dawson said in earlier post the more they whine at the end, the more likely they will rebound.

  • Eric 2015-09-20 14:22:28

    @Dawson: Become the type of person that people respect and admire…not for her but for yourself. Develop yourself interpersonally, professionally, physically. Have deep and varied friendships. See the world. Read. This is the crux. What type of books do you recommend to start with? I really want to get her out of my head. Thanks

  • Dawson Stone 2015-09-20 14:31:43

    The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged Both by Ayn Rand

  • Eric 2015-09-23 08:08:21

    Hey Dawson, I started reading a self help book that my friend gave me about an year ago. 3 days of reading has already helped me. Don't think of her as much, though that time is still a lot.

  • George 2015-09-23 12:32:43

    One question I have. Everyone on this board keeps on saying....as soon as she contacts you escalate to sex. How do you do this? After so many months without her, my feelings have subsided. Not disappeared but reduced. She has contacted me a few times but just hi hello, nothing more. I politely reply and end the conversation by saying all is well and hope same with you. How do I take a conversation from hi hello to sex? Thanks

  • SJ 2015-09-23 15:31:10

    @ George Do you have any flirting skills? If you are politely ending the conversation immediately, you'll never succeed. Sounds like you may already be in friend zone territory. Depends on the girl, but in general, I like to be bold on text. Lots of girls love it. Earlier today I had to cancel on a FB cause a better option came up. I told her sorry, and "I can't wait to rip that hot little jump suit off you next week." She replied immediately ":))))) Tuesday?" My point is a lot of women love that stuff and it sounds like you're holding back. This is an EX. Who cares what happens? If she is contacting you, there is a reason why (whether it's to maintain platonic connections with you, or otherwise). Instead of ending the conversation, get some back and forth action going. Be flirtatious. You don't have to be a pervert, but flirt. If she's receptive, you suggest she come over. Dude, you'll know pretty quickly whether or not she's interested.

  • Johnny@13 2015-09-23 16:40:13

    I received this email from my ex girlfriend this morning. . I need advice on how to respond? Is it really about the reference? Please advise , thanks You should be contacted at work by Graystone Health for my PRN home health shifts. I started at Bentley Global around 3-13, and ended approx. 1-15. Thank you for the reference.

  • Calm 2015-09-23 17:26:59

    @Johnny13  Yes I would say that is completely about the reference.  Don't respond, give the reference, and let it go.

  • George 2015-09-23 18:21:25

    Yes SJ, I feel I'm in the friend zone territory and I hate it and I can't do it. I rather not talk to her at all and that's why I always politely ended all conversations. Fuck how do I get out of this mess? I'll just stay calm and quite I guess.

  • od_dude 2015-09-23 23:10:32

    George says How do you unfriend zone your self?  its simple, when they contact you and attempt to chit chat you on friend zone terms, you remind that you are not friends, and that you made them scream and orgasm many times in the past, you've had you fingers knuckle deep in their pussy, and they have sucked your cock, you and her aren't friends and you still want that. They will most likely respond with well we aren't that now, or they are with some one else, you then end the conversation wish them the best, then you disappear no with contact.  If they again contact you in the future, you can be friendly and but you can escalate, because you've made it clear and they will know this, your aren't going to be friend zoned, they might still be resistant, but they wont be contacting you with out expecting you to try or wanting you to try. If you get resistance rinse and repeat. Understand this isn't a quick turn around, it cant take months, to years.

  • johnny13 2015-09-24 07:30:33

    How should I respond to the text below?  I was leaving the gym in my car after my workout and I saw my ex girlfriend on the sidewalk on the way into the gym and i honked at her.   A few hours later , i received a text " Did you honk at me this morning" ?   I responded with "Yea, it was me"   She responded with, " I see that you got your proverbial porsche status. I am happy for you "   How should I respond?   Thanks for the advice

  • SJ 2015-09-24 07:52:32

    @George First off, hopefully, you have options besides your ex who friend zoned you. If not GET SOME ASAP. Personally, I wouldn't announce "I don't want to be friends" if she contacts you again. Make your intentions clear through ACTIONS. Casually ask her to hang out within only a couple of text exchanges. Suggest your place. If she agrees, set up the meet not too far into the future. Move things along quickly, but casually. If she says no, shrug it off, IGNORE any texts/contact she makes going forward unless it's clear she's begging for your dick, and continue seeing the women you are (hopefully) already seeing.

  • johnny@13 2015-09-24 09:24:37

    How should I respond to the text below?  I was leaving the gym in my car after my workout and I saw my ex girlfriend on the sidewalk on the way into the gym and i honked at her. A few hours later , i received a text ” Did you honk at me this morning” ? I responded with “Yea, it was me” She responded with, ” I see that you got your proverbial porsche status. I am happy for you ” How should I respond? Thanks for the advice

  • od_dude 2015-09-24 12:46:39

    johnny@13 why the hell did you honk at her,  your not listening, its no contact period, the honk was to get her attention. Her comment was condescending, you are friend zoned,

  • johnny@13 2015-09-24 13:54:38

    I'm a dumb ass....lol    What should I do now ?    

  • George 2015-09-24 14:53:58

    SJ, OD_DUDE, thanks for your advice. Wow, so I fucked up twice now 🙂 as Dawson said, I blocked her from every corner. She reached out to my friends and was asking about me. So I unblocked her and then she reached out to me about 5-6 times all hi hellos though. I killed that too. Man, I fuck up at all stages. Now I wait for another hi hello from her. Man, anyone would give up by now. Let's see if she reaches out to me? If not, I will reach out to her in the weekend with a question asking for some advice. Will keep you posted. Txs

  • Gary 2015-09-24 15:08:25

    Im 51 years old . My problem is women in general are not attracted to me for some reason and Im not sure why. Im 6 1 225 lbs lean muscular. Im at worst a decent looking guy and look 10years younger than I am. Im very intelligent,funny as hell and make good money. At this point I pretty much accept this is the way it is. Every once in a while I get lucky and find some gal who's really interested in me that I really like. When that ends its very hard not to screw up and chase them because they are so difficult to replace. I cant just go fuck other women because its such a fucking chore to get a half way decent one in the 1st place. I found the best thing to do is get completely away from women for awhile otherwise I get so demoralized it effects other aspects if my life. Its cool to know there are guys out there who know how to do this stuff on here. Go get em

  • od_dude 2015-09-24 15:09:44

    George im in a No contact play right now, this girl has left her beta husband, moved in with another beta, who is also giving her a job, how lame is that, she was emailing me crap last week, that they were just friends blah blah,  and she needed me a as a friend, the classic ill friend zone you and keep you as a back up, i remind her we aren't friends and that the way it is.  Anyways i've totally blacked her out, blocked her friends on FB as well, every form of contact, except and crappy Hotmail account, is her only access now.  That's it, i now walk for 6 to 8 months period or more, she has to get through her NRE period, which will burn fast, as they are moving in together to soon, she already a cheater and trying to stay in contact with me, and now hes her boss, that will break soon enough, as they are both selfish and needy.  Its all about just understanding their new situations and forgetting about them and finding new girls.   HAHHA as I'm typing i get an email, its been a week, just ignore them, if you were good to them, made them cum, and treated them emotionally well, while being Alfa ( i admittedly became too Alfa 1.0 in the end and even admitted my feelings, and got frustrated when she said no, but what ever ), they come back eventually, there egos cant handle you walking away like they were nothing.

  • od_dude 2015-09-24 16:00:17

    George and johnny Her email to me was a pouty, "I guess" this was her response to my block email a week ago, i know dam well she saw it long before today, and has been sulking. Last week, she wanted to be friend, i reminder her we have been sleeping together on and off for 3 years, i wished her wellness and happiness, i'm sorry you dont want to be with me again, i loved our time, i hope you life turns out great. Now she has had multiple opportunities to see me the last 6 months and flaked, her "I guess" comment is her attempt to manipulate, i know this, there will be no response, zero, do not play into it, be confident you were awesome to them, go let them have some shitty beta sex for a while, they will be board soon enough. I suspect she been with this other guy for at least 4 months, and it would appear its already boring. I said before if they are playing games and then they are board, and the NRE is a weak one. The more Dominate you act to them, the better

  • Gary 2015-09-24 16:11:43

    Thats my problem. Im guilty of shitty beta sex.

  • SJ 2015-09-25 05:09:22

    @George You're missing the larger point. DON'T WAIT for anything from her. Live your fucking life, dude. If she comes back around, good for you. If not, oh well (shrug). You're entirely too hung up on this woman. MOVE ON. And why are you reaching out to her this weekend for advice??? I hope that was a typo. DO NOT CONTACT HER. If she contacts you, suggest a meet. If (when) she says no, ignore her forever, unless she literally says the words "I want you to fuck me."

  • George 2015-09-25 12:08:04

    You are right SJ, I'm all hanged up on this girl. I was never like that. In fact I was loud, roudy, confident, bold, never gave a fuck about any chick when I was in school or even when while working till I met this lady. Even fucking guys used to run away from me. Don't know what voodoo she did on me 🙁 turned me into a chicken. But, time to demonstrate what mental strength is to her! I have seen her a few times at some social gathering, she seems to be having a ball whereas I sulk. Fuck me. Time for repairs. Good to have people like yourself who drill into our heads. THANK YOU.

  • od_dude 2015-09-25 12:59:46

    George Once they dump you, you have no choice, you scorch earth their asses. There's no crying or begging to get them back, women are not these empathetic creatures we think,  We as men are conditioned to feel empathy to a woman crying, they on the other hand see us a week if we cry to get them back, they friend zone you and find a more dominate male, its genetic conditioning, even the nicest among them, is needy,  self conscious and needs external validations, they will flirt with your friends behind your back, they will stay in contact with their exs, they will justify that they are just friends,  this is not me downing on them either, I've just learnt what i'm dealing with, they are emotionally childish for the most part, they honestly think the NRE is love.  This why Blackdragon contacts them every 6 to 8 months his is more detached and is just playing on their weakness and neediness, till they are ready to cheat again and get there egos stroked, as long as you provide excellent sexual services to them and sound emotional connections, they come back.

  • George 2015-09-26 11:18:12

    I don't get this! Do these girls suffer from short term or long term memory loss? While I don't forget anything, not even their voices while they were having orgasm, they just forget everything, fucking everything! I have to move on, no question about it. Thanks sj, od.

  • od_dude 2015-09-26 19:14:12

    George "While I don’t forget anything, not even their voices while they were having orgasm" they aren't the same as us, they think so differently, they can make a life changing decisions base on a mood at the time. I don't even try to rationalize it any more.

  • Al 2015-09-26 19:22:06

    @ George

    I don’t get this! Do these girls suffer from short term or long term memory loss?
    Neither. If they are even half good looking, they can click their fingers and have 27 men queuing up to take your place. It's as simple as that. This enables them to get over you FAST! Whereas for you, it's not so easy. BUT as always, if you REALLY had something together, she may get in touch with you. She may not. Who knows? Who cares? Find someone else.

  • od_dude 2015-09-26 23:24:10

    Neither. If they are even half good looking, they can click their fingers and have 27 men queuing up to take your place. It’s as simple as that..
    this is true, but in my personal experience, I've witnessed most of these men to be Douche bags.  Many times I've seen women ditch the decent men in there lives only to get used and tossed later over again by losers, and their stock falls as they get older. They are hard learners

  • johnlee 2015-09-27 18:30:37

    Hi, I read the original post  and read few comments but I thought I would ask. I was in relationship for 3 years and  we got in argument and she decided to break up since she didn't  like that I never introduced my kids to her and all that.  it has been 2 months.  at first I begged and pleaded for 2 weeks and I went NC for a month then beginning of september I sent her Hello text and we texted back and forth for awhile and I ended it.  few weeks later I wrote her and she stated she is doing awesome. and that was all I got.  I have been writing whenever her friends told me to text her because she is wondering why I don't text.  so I texted and the results are not that great.  last week I passed her car and I acted like I didn't see her.  she followed me and exited freeway.  an hr later she called my partner and gave her a bogus referral.  My partner thinks she is trying to do things to keep her in my mind.  I have been going NC for 3 weeks now.  Have I messed up? or do I wait another 3 months and after 3months do I contact her? or just wait for her to contact me? Thanks in advance.  

  • od_dude 2015-09-27 19:12:23

    johnlee Ignore her, if you were good to her, she will contact you.  You cant beg and play games with women, they either miss you and reach out or your SOL, you cant do anything but walk away until they decide.  As for fucking up, there's no exact set of rules, except walk away until they start the contact. then fish them out during the contact and escalate to meeting them, and then escalate to sex after that.  What's your end game here, sex or to continue the relationship, if its to continue the relationship, every one has said the same thing, its just not the same second time through, but who knows every one is different. Having one argument seem like a shitty reason to end a three year relationship, what in her head.

  • Johnlee 2015-09-27 20:59:12

    That's what I'll do ignore. I was just wondering when she called my friends if she was trying to reachout. I am looking to reconcile.

  • od_dude 2015-09-27 21:51:38

    That’s what I’ll do ignore. I was just wondering when she called my friends if she was trying to reachout. I am looking to reconcile
    Yes calling your friends, is her way of reaching, if they where your friends not hers, but its typical female game playing. I tend not to respond to it. Once contact is made escalate to reconciliation, but do not put your self in the friend zone, ei chase, stay connected, contact them all the time the usual stuff that never works.

  • Johnlee 2015-09-28 05:32:44

    Yes, she called my Co woke and gave her a bogus referral after she saw me. Thank you for your comment. I will just keep NC

  • Joshua 2015-09-28 21:23:30

    Hey guys I am not sure if this was brought up here or not but just thinking of this since I ran into my ex today. Havent spoken with her for more than a month by now and I became very beta (too caring) and she left me saying she still wants me in her life etc. I told her no thanks and moved on but im still curious how eventual meetings should be handled most effective if I would love to have her back in rotation a few months or years later. Today I waved and said hi and she said hi and I barely looked at her and walked by doing my thing, I know the post suggest to ignore her completely did anyone try to actually just look into the girls eyes, smile a bit and just walk ice cold? I can easily say that my oneitis has dropped alot and looking back at my past actions I feel a bit pathetic and im seeing another girl now which im totally indiffrent with and its working like a CHARM. Ive learned alot from reading this blog and doing my own analysis but anyway my post here was regarding this subject about ignoring the girl. In eventual meetups, is waving/saying hi and smiling allowed or should it be complete ignoring during real life meetings aswell? I know it sounds wierd to ask for this since if I totally moved on I would care at all, but im still young and I want to improve myself in every possible way and knowing how to deal with women in order to make them boomerang most effective is always interesting. For me, being indiffrent seems to have doing wonders though but since there is people here with YEARS more experience then me I thought I would ask how you guys do it during real life meetings with women that dumped you or moved on. Treat them like ghosts and say absolutely nothing, or smile/say hi and walking on. Best regards

  • Al 2015-09-28 21:32:31

    @ Joshua

    Today I waved and said hi and she said hi and I barely looked at her and walked by doing my thing, I know the post suggest to ignore her completely did anyone try to actually just look into the girls eyes, smile a bit and just walk ice cold?
    This happened to me. Caught in the confined space of a small shop. So yes, I smiled and winked and walked out. I have to say that mine wasn't really a controlled response - it just happened. But I still waited for her to contact me, which she did, a short time later. There are no certainties in life though. But, out wait, out wit is still the way to go.

  • Johnlee 2015-09-30 09:02:36

    On the side note they all do come back. My ex from 18yrs ago started contacting me a month ago and now calling 1-2 times a day and wants to meet next week. My other ex who we broke up 8 years ago will comeback every 6mo to 1 yr just to see if we can work things out and we just end up hooking up. My other ex from 4 yrs ago spent the night last night at my house. I am meeting new girl on Saturday. Talking to a girl who just broke up with her boyfriend of 2 years. She is way hotter than my recent ex but I'm just looking to hook up since she has too much drama with her ex.

  • Whitedragon 2015-09-30 15:03:38

    @ Rob Just checking in to see if anything is new with your situation.  It's been about a month since you posted - have you seen her again, was she friendly if you saw her, is working in the same place with her getting any easier? In my situation, I saw my ex last week for the first time in two months.  She was presenting me an award in a room of fifty people with our VP and most of our senior leaders present.  It was a surreal experience to be standing next to her - with both of us smiling and being cheerful - and then to remember that after the meeting she would be walking away and not calling me to talk about her day, not texting me to ask me out for dinner, etc.  I thought that I was ready to start being completely confident and indifferent towards her, but I was clearly wrong.  Still, I had no choice but to attend the meeting in person.  She even called me to make sure that I was coming - but only in the manner of a very caring boss who wanted to make sure that her employee was celebrated for his award in front of "all of the right people" in the organization.  Honestly, I miss her more now than ever - but the hole that I am in is deeper than ever too. On the recent set of postings about Boomerangs, I'd also like to add another example.  My girlfriend in 8th grade - who I lost agonizingly to a 10th grader many decades ago - has begun writing to me.  She is divorced and "fondly remembers" all of the great times we had together - and she is hoping that we can meet for dinner at some point.  I have no interest whatsoever in rekindling - the years have not been kind to her - but it blows me away to imagine that a Boomerang from over 30 years ago is coming back!  The fact is simple:  unless you committed some heinous, unforgivable act towards her you will eventually be remembered positively by your Boomerang.  If she is a) currently not in a committed relationship, b) seeking some companionship AND c) you creep back into her mind (by your doing, her doing, or by happenstance) she will come back!  Astonishing.

  • Gary 2015-09-30 21:16:35

    I send a birthday card and Christmas card every year to a girl I went out with over 20 years ago. The relationship lasted about a year and a half and was great as far as I was concerned. She dumped me when I wouldnt commit and after that I did every dumb thing you could think of chasing her and trying to get her back. I absolutely am not interested in her now but it would be nice to say hello or get a card. You would think after all these years of no contact I would get a simple card. I know she gets mine. What do you guys think?

  • RealTalk 2015-10-01 15:24:24

    @Gary and others with similar decade-long-pondering questions over breakups/life If you're honestly concerned about not receiving a card from a girl 20 years, a text/a carrier-pigeon message/or flowers then you need to have a long hard think about life! I can barely remember a girl from 2 weeks ago because I'm living my life, dating girls, having fun and if they aren't in my reality now or their behaviour isn't aligned - screw them. It's about moving forward, hotter girls, better clubs, new hobbies, bigger adventures or whatever you're into. 20 years is just ridiculous. Wake up and smell the coffee. Life is ending 1 second at a time - people always say if you were dying with Cancer what would you do with your life? Well, we are all dying, as morbid as it sounds. I certainly wouldn't consider a girl from 20 years ago, she certainly doesn't care. Its about mutual respect, appreciation; a girl that 'gets' you. If they don't contact you (move on). For you. Just like I don't lose sleep when the Starbucks guy from last year wrote the wrong name on my cup. Let it go... When it's over with a girl from 2 weeks ago, 2 months ago, or 20 years ago. Its OVER. Completely. Done. Erase and start living your life. Pretend she doesn't exist. A simple text 'I really enjoyed my time with you, and wish you all the best' always gets the hamster skipping well. Then vanish. Months or years down the life if you were a decent chilled fun guy they may contact you when lonely/horny - and then you make it really difficult for them and escalate shamelessly to sex, otherwise vanish again. The end. No revenge, no winning, no proving them wrong. Its about being better not bitter. I wish all my ex's the best. I still know in my mind they'll never get the best without me - but it's their life. Let them go. The best advice I can give any guys in this situation, as I was myself, is grow some balls and own it. Accept they dumped you, probably because they thought they could do better and you were 'ugly'. Think about that for a minute or two: laugh and then consider that you're no worse off than before you met them. Its a win-win, you got laid and had fun experiences, and found out their true colours they weren't into you for whatever reason. The reason doesn't matter. Closure is a myth. The fact they dumped you is closure. They probably couldn't give the real reason anyway. Consider it unfinished business. They always come back and start as if she's a new girl. But don't wait for this point - Relativity fucks with reality (i.e. the girl will only contact you again when you forget about her and don't give a shit if she died). Then, the second you forget, genuinely, they always call. Then play it cool. And run with it. Walk through my city of London, or New York or Paris for half a day and you'll realise how many attractive women there are in the world. Some small town girl with mediocre looks is literally a grain of sand in the beach of babes. Think big picture all the time guys. This is the real game and if you aren't rolling your own dice, or loading them in your favour. You will lose.   Amen.  

  • od_dude 2015-10-01 15:53:22

    RealTalk says well said brother, you dont need closure, and chicks moods change like the wind.  Who cares, there so many others. BD already explained it, they all eventually stop being FWB to have the make believe world of a monogamy with a beta.

  • Rob 2015-10-02 08:28:10

    @whitedragon, Congratulations on your award. Ask for 10% bonus and 2% increment in salary. Year end is approaching quickly 🙂 I have moved on, at least that's what I tell myself everyday. There is another woman in my life but it isn't the same. As Dawson said in one of his posts above, if you see her just say hi Michelle and keep moving. I try to avoid her path completely. I can hear her talk during meetings and am sure she can hear me too. Realtalk, sj, oddude, calm, al, Dawson, jesus...everyone says of moving on which is very true. My feelings for her have subsided. If she were to ask me for dinner tomorrow, I don't even know how I'll react. Maybe indifferent, not happy not sad. That's another thing...even if she ever boomerangs, which is very unlikely, I don't know how to make love to her since there aren't many feelings left. Another thing that pisses me off....how's she having fun in her life when she can clearly see that I am upset. And I can't fake being happy honestly. If I am sad, I am sad. I can't be cracking jokes and laughing out loud. When I was happy, fucking people 50 feet away could hear my jokes and crack up. Also, I have started reading some self help books. They are very helpful. Boss, I definitely don't like these times. Very stressful and even more painful to know that it isn't ending anytime soon. I picked up sketching to divert my mind but alas, I can't even draw a free hand straight line 😀 suck there too 🙂 life was good with her, no doubt but as RT says....grow some balls and move on. Forget her. Easy said then done! Good luck dude and at go get that raise 🙂

  • od_dude 2015-10-02 11:05:08

    Rob Unfortunately your in a harder situation, you work with her, and have to see her, this is why i avoid the work place relationships.  And brother we've all been in the hard place, dude the chick i was with happen to be my first high-school crush, its been a thirty year on and off, even through marriages, now she shacked up with some other douche, who's paying her way, in the end yes i loved her, but she wants to be taken care of, I'm not prepared to do that. I'm not sure what your doing to move on, but one thing i do in when I'm in these situations, i take that hurt and loss, and pour it into the gym, every set i do i channel any pain into personal growth. You ask "how’s she having fun in her life when she can clearly see that I am upset", women are extremely unsympathetic to men, I've said before, you and i are conditioned to run to there aid when they are crying, women are not conditioned to feel empathy for you when your hurt, unless that woman is your mom.  Listen to Billy Joel's song "she always a woman to me" its sums them up nicely, there not bad, there not good, there just women, they run to their own agendas.  And brother one day you'll be with someone, and you will know why it didn't work with her, trust me, it just takes time. Peace

  • od_dude 2015-10-02 13:19:39

    this is for all my brothers https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kI3MwwWYC3Q "She'll promise you more than the Garden Eden,She'll carelessly cut you and laugh while you're bleed'n"

  • Rob 2015-10-03 07:07:26

    Od, I do p90x3 5 times a week for an hour (2 sessions) & the song is so true. Thanks

  • JESUS 2015-10-03 16:38:41

    RealTalk's last post should be posted as the end to this conversation. 4 years of college can't get you that type of education. Well said, RT. Jesus

  • Nars-ass-sis bolox 2015-10-03 21:57:55

    I split with my girl about 3 months ago, we were together just over 4 months but we really clicked fast and both fell for each other hard. Anyway towards the end of our relationship particularly the last 2 weeks she became extremely distant towards me, cut a long story short i accused her of cheating and broke things off. I did have a bit of evidence to assume she was cheating but wether she did for sure I'll never know, but i broke up with her because i knew she was gonna break with me, was kinda like a defence mechanism ya know. I gotta be honest i didn't handle it very well at first screaming and shouting at her, calling her names and turning up to her house in a rage to collect my stuff. Went a month no contact, she didn't once try to contact expect the first day we split to say that she knows I'll never get back with her but to please understand that nothing happened. I pretty told her to fuck off and called her a liar. After 1 month no contact i called her and had a quick chat, asking how she getting on etc and if she wanted to meet up for a drink on the weekend. She said she'll see and when the weekend came she txt me to say sorry she couldn't meet me but never gave a reason why, i tried to txt her a couple of times that night after but she would give very vague, sometimes one word txts back before finally saying she couldn't talk anymore and gave me in her words a 'final good bye txt' i sent one jokey txt after but she didn't reply, it was then i decided i would never contact her again and if she really wanted to talk to me she'd have to make the effort cuz I'd be dammed if I'm gonna be chasing after 1 wench forever. When we first split up she blocked me on social media, thought nothing of it but after a month of my most recent contact with her i for the first time really started getting over her and not giving a fuck what she does anymore then notice all of a sudden that she unblocked me. Only reason i noticed this is because she got pictures of me and her together which I'm tagged in on her fb which when she blocked me disappeared off my fb. But one day i notice the pics on my fb pop up of me and her together with me tagged. Tbh i thought she would of deleted them and probably have a new boyfriend by now but from looking at her fb it seems she hasn't, or if she has she's keeping it quiet! Do you think this is her in some way trying to get my attention again? There's no chance in hell I'm gonna be contacting her, i got pride and I'm not putting myself through it again to be turned down. It's been just over 3 months since i actually seen her and 2 months since we spoke on phone briefly but for the first time since the split I'm really starting to enjoy my life again and feeling more social but her unblocking me has got me thinking does she wanna meet up again, what do you guys think? I'm not bothered either way cuz I'm moving on and enjoying my life but i still miss her in a way, she gotta make the effort tho idgaf!

  • od_dude 2015-10-04 16:26:55

    sounds like you went totally beta in the end, get some balls and get over that shit, makes you look like a pussy, I understand its hard when your wrapped up in her. She is playing games, girls like to play " please pay attention to me, but don't want you to think I want you to pay attention to me"  don't fall for it, it will just drag on to endless Facebook crap and she will stay in your head, which is what she might want but you don't. You walk, you ignore you move on you get over her, its only when your over her, you can truly be indifferent, then when they come back through real contact, phone, text or email, you escalate to a meet, then to sex, if they resist, you walk again, its simple.  

  • Nars-ass-sis bolox 2015-10-04 17:05:01

    I am over her thats the thing, I was just wondering why she unblocked me. i will in no way be contacting her, i'm enjoying being single now, i just found it strange she went out of the way to unblock me, i mean you have to make a concious decision to do that so she was obviously curious as to what i was up to. Anyway i keep most of my fb private so only friends can see all my stuff i only make certian things viewable to the public. when i found out she unlbocked me i deliberately made certain posts public, like one about my night out the weekend and jokey pics i put up, and just silly things like girls liking it i know she would notice cuz she used to go mad about girls my fb when  were together so i thought i'd play a few mind games of my own fuck it lol. Checked my fb again tonight and turns out she has reblocked me, i have in no way tried to contact her and nor do i care (i mean that) but for her to re blok me again after blocking obviously means she been thinking about me. haha i'll just let her carry on, i actually feel like i got the power back a little bit. if she ever does contact me properly by phone i will escalate straight to sex no doubt cuz thats all i'd want from her now anyway.

  • od_dude 2015-10-04 17:22:27

    Let her twist in her mind games, she obviously still a child "mind games of my own"  that's beta shit, be ALFA, we don't play mind games, because its energy we would rather put into making us better, when ever I'm even letting some tart back into my head, I go to the gym, or head to a driving range and smack out some 200 plus yard hits, all things that make us better and ultimately happy.

  • Nars-ass-sis bolox 2015-10-04 17:50:55

    I do feel better, i'm happiest i been in a long time, i'm not pining for her to come back or even contact me i'm just telling you my story. you can keep on trying to call me pussy beta all you like mate cuz at the end of the day i'm happy and isn't that the main thing to be if you are alpha? i admit i was beta at the end of the relationship and for probably about a month after but i been reading through all BD blogs on this site and its helping me a lot. i still got a lot to learn but i'm enjoying this new way of thinking.   she was about 9 years older than me (in her mid 30's) but she had so many childish ways, you can see that from the way she acting with this blocking and unblocking on fb having this break has helped me to reflect on all that stuff i didn't notice when i was in NRE. don't get me wrong we got on 80% of the time, she was good in the sack and we shared the same humour and used to cry where we'd laugh so much. but with it tho came the drama, silent treatment and extreme jealousy etc. if only i knew about some of the stuff on here back then like soft nexting etc things might of been a little different. ya live and learn tho eh! 🙂

  • od_dude 2015-10-04 18:03:43

    "pussy beta all you like mate cuz at the end of the day i’m happy" I'm not calling you any of these, I'm telling you not to be these 🙂 there's a difference :). Sound like you are on the right track, this blog and Dawson Stones have done a great deal from many of us.   She will be back btw, the more childish they are, the even more likely they will, their little hamster brains cant stand the thought of you disappearing like they were nothing, when she gets through her ego, and has some lame sex and drama with some one else, she recall the good times and start creeping back.

  • Best Bloke 2015-10-06 08:35:30

    Stumbled across this and it makes great reading - both the original post and Real Talk's addendum. And I realise now that I must have been a bit of an alpha all my long life without knowing it 'cause this has always been my policy and it does work - often. I'll go on to that later but first I'm just wondering why, as BD says, some might find this hard to do? If I get dumped there's NO WAY I want to contact the ex - two possible reasons (1) If I do have feelings for her then I really don't want to know what she's up to, or (2) If I'm not that bothered my pride says "Be my guest. Go and find some lesser being and hope to God he does for you what I did...doubt it!" Recent case - really good relationship for 2 years then she went from besotted  to odd and distant in the wink of an eye. Not my fault she says - "It's me not you" (Too right it is!). So saw it coming and took the dumping when it came with good grace - upset but she doesn't know that. I just said "fair enough - please block me on social media and I'll do the same. Have a great life with whatever you choose to do". Upset of course and I missed her - but, arrogant or not, really felt it was her loss. So - two ramifications and it's good news. First - It's amazing how things come out of the woodwork once you get her out of your life. A work colleague saw I was a bit down and asked me if I'd like to spend an evening or two with her...turned out GREAT! Then an old FB (another ex who came back) whom I've known for years flew over from the States specifically to go on holiday with me and "cheer me up"...turned out GREAT! Second - You've guessed it. Ex contacts me after a couple of months. "I miss you. Can we be friends?" I hope you can guess my reaction - (NO F****** WAY!). Told her politely no, but happy to have a genuine go at re-establishing relationship. She was unsure so I said a polite goodbye again and reset the clock. Might hear from her again...might not...either way I'll deal with it as and when. My message is just man up and take this advice - it is ALWAYS right and always will be. You will get peace of mind at the very least or, chances are, she might drift back into your orbit. And before you ask, no, I am no square-jawed Adonis. I am pushing 60, balding and could not be described as tall. You just have to be yourself and be strong. I truly adore women but you just cannot let them rule your life or destroy your happiness. Move on.  

  • Nars-ass-sis bolox 2015-10-06 09:02:24

    I'm just thinking, as i was the one who dumped her does it lessen the chance of her ever getting back to me? Not that I'm particularly bothered but be interesting to hear from people who been in same situation. I dealt with the break up pretty bad at first cuz even tho i was the one that broke up it felt more like the other way around as she distanced herself that much it pushed me to it. I broke with her before she broke with me but i dealt with it completely the wrong way flying off the handle. I did reach out to her after 1 month no contact (mistake i know) and chatted on the phone for ten minutes and she genuinely sounded happy to talk to me. So i pitched a meet for a drink that same weekend and she said she'll see. Anyway the day came and i heard nothing until about 1am she sent a txt saying sorry she couldn't meet, I'd gone out and had a drink by this time as a pretty much given up hope of her meeting up so I tried to ring her to talk but she wouldn't answer only replying to my txts wishing me the best and to please not contact her again. It's been 2 months since that night now and 3 since I last seen her, i am over it now but having the break made me realise that the reason things ended the way they did is MY FAULT, i always blamed her before but i know it's me because i acted too beta towards the end and reading through BD blogs made me realise that. That's the only thing that angers me more than losing her cuz i really don't care about her anymore, it's the way i acted.

  • Noname 2015-10-07 15:09:46

    I wanted her to come back honestly. But, after reading so many posts so many damn times, now I want her back on my terms. I went from alpha to beta, my mistake. Didn't know any thing about all this else wouldn't have made all the mistakes that I made. I am not chasing her anymore. She has to or else oh well, nice knowing you. Thanks everyone.

  • johnny@13 2015-10-08 13:26:39

    I received this email from my ex today....... How should I respond?   I had a salsa moment in the kitchen today. Pumpkin caramel all over myself and the kitchen. You would have laughed and called me a klutz.

  • Nars-ass-sis bolox 2015-10-08 13:37:43

    Wtf is a klutz? Tell her you'd strip her down to her bra and panties and slowly lick the pumpkin caramel from every inch of her body. 😉

  • Whitedragon 2015-10-08 14:29:29

    Excellent reply! No matter how you respond, this is clearly a sign of renewed interest.  Recalling a fond memory and calling attention to her personal habits and her body all indicate that the ball is in your court.

  • johnny@13 2015-10-08 14:44:51

    Ok, I haven't heard from her in over a month   What would be your recommendation on the response?  

  • od_dude 2015-10-08 14:47:59

    johnny@13 I had a salsa moment in the kitchen today. Pumpkin caramel all over myself and the kitchen. You would have laughed and called me a klutz. this is great, tell her you would have laughed, but would have loved helping her clean up too. Subtle flirt not over the top yet.

  • Nars-ass-sis bolox 2015-10-08 14:51:12

    I'd get to the dirty talk asap

  • od_dude 2015-10-08 16:34:45

    Nars-ass-sis bolox says no dude, its like fishing, you have to let them run with the bait for a bit, then reel them in, yank to hard, you can break the line, but escalate to sex fairly quickly

  • Johnny@13 2015-10-08 16:38:27

    I responded with : lol . I would of loved to helped you clean up too. She responded with: "They offered me $65/hr to go to Denver for 13 weeks, plus pay my housing and licensure. " "I was going to ask if you would watch my dog, but I think Amy is going to help me this weekend. " Should i bother responding?

  • Nars-ass-sis bolox 2015-10-08 16:46:33

    Fuck that! More like watch her dog while she goes and bounce of some geezers pole. Tell her you got plans that weekend.

  • Nars-ass-sis bolox 2015-10-08 16:50:18

    Your response was shite as well, too boring, should of wrote something more jokey, something to make her laugh. Fuckin cheek of her after not speaking for that long and straight away she's asking you favours! Pfft!

  • Calm 2015-10-08 17:26:15

    @Johnny - Yeah she was fishing to see if you'd watch the dog.  Which you should NOT do.

  • Johnny@13 2015-10-08 17:36:05

    Should i bother responding to the email or don't respond at all? Thanks

  • Calm 2015-10-08 17:42:31

    If you want to keep it on a positive note you could respond back with something like "Sounds like a great opportunity, have fun."  I think you missed this window to escalate.  Keep in mind though, you don't NEED to respond to every message sent.  Myself I'd hold off on a better indicator of interest that didn't get followed up by a veiled request for a favor.

  • Johnny@13 2015-10-08 18:15:54

    Ok. Thanks for the feedback, calm

  • od_dude 2015-10-09 11:41:13

    Johnny@ you said the right thing, didn't matter what you said had you escalated sooner or not, she was just fishing for a favor.  If she was looking for more, after the clean her up remark she would have mildly flirted back, like " well i was really dirty" or something like.   But two things you did right, you hinted you wanted more, and you aren't doing any favors unless shes mounted you, then end.

  • Johnny@13 2015-10-09 20:33:09

    Should i completely delete my ex girlfriend from facebook? Thanks

  • od_dude 2015-10-10 12:41:37

    Johnny depends on your situation, I just did that, but it was because she was liking my wall posts, and sending me chit chat messages with no results, so I blocked her, which sent her into a rage, but still wont see me, she just wanted me to keep paying attention to her.   Alternatively, you can unfollow her, and set her as an acquaintance, then set your pics and wall post to "can be seen by friends but not acquaintances", its like blocking with out them really knowing, but you can still see her page, which you may or may not want, because I think your still pinning and hoping she will come back, id recommend the unfriend or block, you need to get her out of your mind, and that means distance and time.

  • Steamboat 2015-10-11 21:26:49

    I'd like some advice if any are willing to chime in. I've been NC for almost 7 weeks now. The Ex, after a seemingly being head over heels in love, up and left out of the blue 3 days after getting back from our vacation. We even made love an hour before she took off. Was completely blindsided and have had a difficult time since. Allah said before leaving was "I've given too much of myself' and 20mins later, was gone. She has had several relationships that did not work out for various reasons but the common theme in all was that the men pursued and chased desperately for months, even years after they broke up. They were all so wrapped up in her that they couldn't seem to continue living without her and they expressed that. I, on the other hand, just walked away because I would never lower myself to that level. I miss her terribly but refuse to contact. All her other relationships were on/off for their duration so breaking up and getting back together has been a pattern for her. Should I give up hope as she is a notoriously stubborn woman? I've moved on and focussed on myself but still think about her constantly. Any advice would be very much appreciated...

  • johnny@13 2015-10-12 08:21:49

    I received this text message from my ex-girlfriend this morning....   I know that I am a terrible communicator, but I'm asking you to take a little time to talk this week. Let me know when you are free How should I respond?   Thanks

  • od_dude 2015-10-12 10:05:15

    Steamboat I've been in the same situation your in now, I've had a desirable woman wrapped up in me, unfortunately they are really wrapped up in their own neediness and insecurity and not really you, the fact she would walk right after you laid her should tell you shes screwed up in side, something tells me she wants to control the relationship and you weren't about to do, you have done that absolute  right thing, walk and focus on you no matter how painful it is.   She will be back if you were good, don't let them have that power, the moment you become beta, she will discard you anyways.

  • od_dude 2015-10-12 10:14:08

    johnny Agree, but try to get her to meet in person, if not at your place, then at a pub when you can escalate.  there are many ways you can approach the conversation, but what ever she says, make it clear in context, your not interested in friend zone, and if she's not mounting your not wasting a minute of your time on her. Establish your dominance, if your not fucking me, someone else will be.

  • johnny@13 2015-10-12 13:58:20

    ok, thanks for the advice od_dude. what type of text would you send to her?    

  • od_dude 2015-10-12 16:45:25

    johnny pitch a meet at pub for drinks,  a fun atmosphere you can get her a few drinks and flirt, and see where you can escalate it to, but be fun and outcome indifferent.  You don't have to fuck them the first night, but hint that your expecting this to lead to something and quickly, every girl is different, you'd know best if she into sex fast or wants a bit of play first, I'm only saying this because she was a relationship not a fuck buddy.  If you get the I just need you as a friend speech, make some reason why you need to cut this short, and reset the clock until she contacts you.

  • Steamboat 2015-10-12 21:02:19

    od_dude Thanks for the insight. In hindsight, the last month or so, it was really hot/cold and it all happened as soon as we decided to move in together. Once the dynamic changed (something she had never done before) it was like she was looking for a way to get out. Vacation was great and 3 days later, after a normal morning including groceries and making love, she literally disappeared. That's been the hardest part. Her Ex-husband was always lurking and showing up unannounced like a stalker and constantly messaging her. It was uncomfortable to say the least. I really am at a loss for words as to how it went down but each day that passes, it hurts just a little bit less. I was good and she did/said things she had never done before and I really thought that she might be the one I was supposed to find. Now it feels like it almost didn't happen. Closure would be nice but I know that doesn't really exist. In my heart of hearts, I think she might one day reach out but another part of me thinks I will literally never hear from her as long as I live....so strange. Thoughts?

  • Al 2015-10-12 21:14:18

    @ od _dude This is steamboat's comment:

    I’ve been in the same situation your in now, I’ve had a desirable woman wrapped up in me, unfortunately they are really wrapped up in their own neediness and insecurity and not really you...
    It is so true.
    Thanks for the insight. In hindsight, the last month or so, it was really hot/cold and it all happened as soon as we decided to move in together. Once the dynamic changed (something she had never done before) it was like she was looking for a way to get out.
    Why did you move in together??? Bad move and completely unnecessary.
    I was good and she did/said things she had never done before and I really thought that she might be the one I was supposed to find.
    What?! 😀 The One eh? ALL relationships are temporary. If you can turn this woman into one of several women in your life, then fine. The men having trouble in this post seem to have found this post and are constantly asking "how can I get her back?" While you wait, PLEASE READ the archive of this blog. All the answers you need are in it.  

  • Steamboat 2015-10-12 21:20:22

    Thanks Al - you're probably right. Moving in might not have been the best but was her idea, she chose the place and was ecstatic up until we actually started living there...slowly you could see she wasn't comfortable. Maybe she was trying to force herself. Bottom line is she's been chased her whole life by guys it didn't work out with...months and years later and all of them were the same, to a T. I walked away and never looked back and can respect myself for that even though it's been extremely tough. 7 weeks in now and I know I'm doing the right thing as far as that goes. I would like to see her again but she would need to reach out or it'll never happen...

  • od_dude 2015-10-13 00:42:52

    Steamboat just Google "left husband and for another man"  you find a bunch of chat forum of women, who post all the same shit,  " I never thought this would happen, ive been married 10 years and then omg I met the man of my dreams"  blah blah, you dam well know the man at home is paying bills stressing out keeping his family together and she just getting swept in by some douche who's selling her the bag of magic beans, their fucking idiots,  so when you say "I was good and she did/said things she had never done before and I really thought that she might be the one I was supposed to find" , they have zero loyalty for long, they believe there own fantasies, they get board easy. I don't want to sound cynical but dude, as Al said its all fleeting, The men having trouble in this post seem to have found this post and are constantly asking “how can I get her back?” this is the truth, Al is saying and BD is saying all you can do is get them back as a FWB and nothing more, try to turn it into a relationship, but its already failed, if you do manage to get them back, it will be a prolonged dysfunctional failed relationship regardless

  • Steamboat 2015-10-13 04:38:51

    Thanks od_dude It's a bit different as she divorced the ex husband 10 years ago. Since then, he's been in and out of her life and constantly in the background somewhere always telling her that when she's done with the current relationship, he'll be waiting for her. He's become her family as the relationship with her own is almost non-existant. I actually don't know for certain what happened or where she went the day she took off but that would be my guess.  Every person she was with since her divorce 10 years ago was completely enamoured with her and chased, cried and pursued for months and years after the breakup. Maybe a part of her likes the validation of someone chasing and expressing that they can't live without her. I also think you're right that even if an ex comes back, chances are slim to none that it can be anything but a physical thing seeing as how the relationship part didn't work to begin with. I guess I'm more curious about whether or not she'll ever get in contact with me again because I definitely won't. I've moved on but it would be nice to know that she regretted walking away the way she did when there really wasn't a good reason to do so. It's definitely been a long 7 weeks but things are looking up.      

  • Whitedragon 2015-10-13 06:17:55

    @ Rob A few days ago, she IM'ed me to ask a few questions that I know she could easily have found answers to by checking an earlier email or asking someone else.  These were her first IMs to me in about six months.  Yesterday at work, I saw her coming down the hallway and I walked toward her, meeting her right in the middle of the hallway in a quiet spot.  We started talking about work and slowly she started to mention personal things like what she'd been up to on recent weekends, her trip to Europe, etc.  It was just like old times - these were the first personal comments she had made to me in about six months.  The whole time she kept smiling and her body language was great - not a hint of  animosity or wanting to get away.  I decided to end the conversation before we ran out of topics but I suggested that we talk later in the week by phone about a few work items - she smiled and said "of course." My question for everyone is, how should I proceed?

  • marson 2015-10-13 08:28:47

    I received your email and you are to know that i do not use any of those  fake powers u see on internet .i use African Powers which is the strongest and powerful magic. The potency against this spell last long and it has no bad or negative effect, So my dear i have never cast a  spell for any one that will not work i have done it for a lot of people in different country . the spell work in the way you want it  ...

  • od_dude 2015-10-13 10:36:32

    Whitedragon you have to be really careful with this one, you work with her, every thing BD says about working relationships is true, this has been doubly hard on you because you've had to see her every day,  and like you said before she didn't give a rats ass when you were hurting, i'm not sure why you'd want to put yourself through that again. A little bit of chit chat in the hall doesn't mean much,  you still need to wait for her to reach out to you, let her call you or text you.  Don't call her. She might be warming up, but dude you need to let more happen.

  • Rob 2015-10-13 14:04:47

    @whitedragon. Like I said earlier, ask for a raise and bonus 😀 she'll LOL and will be confused. Rest, I'm hardly an expert on this stuff, but getting $$ can never be a bad idea 🙂 good luck dude.

  • Dawson Stone 2015-10-13 15:11:27

    @Whitedragon This is a no-fucking-brainer. You don't fuck someone where you work. EVER. You have already done it so don't be a fool and do it again. If you or her ever leave your company, escalate to sex but in the mean time be friendly but don't even consider going back in.

  • Roche 2015-10-13 17:06:53

    This is my situation, I'm with a girl for 4 years and we have a son together whom I love and would do anything for, even stay with his mom with no physical attraction to her. ( she is very good looking but very very boring.) So I met a girl who works at a bar beside my site. We hit it off and started texting a lot. She told me she had a bf to which I said I didn't care. We continued talking and planed to meet up. That day Her bf asked her if she was going to cheat on him, because she was in the shower to long so she told me she can't doit but really wants too... The next couple days she starts msging me again and continue our flirt texting and eventually we meet up the following week. We both had a great time and fucked in the back of my car. Over the next two weeks we text a lot ( probably too much) and meet a few times for drinks and really great sex, also a couple very illicit txt sessions with pictures and dirty talk from mostly her. Then we met again and again had a great time and great sex. Every time we fucked she'd say something along the lines of she wants to break up with him.... The next day I got a little drunk and started texting her as we did a few nights before. She seemed into it. But sent me a message much later that night saying her bf looked at her phone and read the Msgs and broke up with her . She asked me to not txt her for a while. To which I apologized for fucking up her life and told her I wouldn't msg her. Two days later she sends a msg saying her and her bf and going to try to work things out and to not msg her again. ( she also said that he asked what my name was and she lied and told him another name, but in our last few Msgs that he allegedly read she wrote my name) so being caught may have been a lie. Or he's really dumb.) I said " I wish I could tell you I wasn't sad, I was starting to really like you, thanks for being straight with me though ". She msged back saying " of course, I really like talking to you. I just feel like I owe him a decent effort, maybe I'll see you around :)" I didn't respond to that msg and it's been a week+ since, She went from wanting to break up with him to trying to make it work when she got caught I did really like her and want to continue to see her Will this method work for me in the situation I find myself, or should forget about her and get over it?

  • Calm 2015-10-13 19:49:27

    @Roche The reason why she went back, is because the breakup wasn't on HER terms.  Plain, and simple.

  • od_dude 2015-10-13 20:42:04

    Roche You had a fuck  buddy, that was perfect, unfortunately she got busted, you said the correct thing, apologised  for messing her life up and said you enjoyed your time together. Yes walk and let her deal with her shit, text her in a couple of months, act indifferent and ask her if everything is alright, of course you don't give a shit about her relationship but it looks good to act concerned.   If all goes well she'll be a fuck buddy again, if not, find more.  So to answer your question YES this method will work very well with you situation, stick to it give her space, I predict she text you shortly, a few weeks or a month, particularly If she likes the sex

  • Roche 2015-10-14 10:19:23

    Is it even possible that she just decided she can't cheat on him anymore and wants to be with him.( she did complain about him often when we were together but also kept telling me she feels bad cause he's "such a nice guy") Is it possible she will just forget about me as she is younger( 7 years difference) and has a lot of friends. And I don't use Facebook or any of those things so she won't be able to look me up on there? and wouldn't any girl with any sort of a brain probably just delete my number to avoid temptation, never to be heard from again? I really hope she didn't as I would like to get FB situation going as I've never had one before. I'm good looking and a very good talker when it comes to woman and professional situations. Though I do wish I could be more outcome independent but I am finding myself thinking about it a lot and wanting to msg her ( I would never let her see that even before reading this blog, being the important part. I think)

  • od_dude 2015-10-14 14:35:18

    ( she did complain about him often when we were together but also kept telling me she feels bad cause he’s “such a nice guy”) He became a Beta. Read the whole blog, women generally cheat on their betas.  And don't you be a Beta and start messaging, she'll come back, just be patient and go find other women to flirt with, and remember if you got together with her, and became a beta, she'll cheat on you too, don't ever think your special for a minute.

  • Roche 2015-10-14 16:11:55

    Oh fuck, I wouldn't actually msg her, I just keep thinking about it. and I don't think I'm special just know I'm better than her man. Maybe I was a bit cocky when I think back on our meets, I wish I read all of this long ago

  • charger446 2015-10-14 18:31:43

    I had a boomerang. I met her in 2000. We were together for 5 1/2 years. I never spoke to her out of her name or was emotionally punishing to her. We broke up in 2005. She married someone else that treated her like crap. called her names, hit her,stole money from her,alcoholic, he made is career off workmans comp,etc. You get the picture. She even has a 4 year old daughter by him. After 10 years she finally dumped his ass and boomeranged back telling me how she screwed up. Her exact words in this text shortly after we were back together read            ( I know I can be moody, and I know theres a lot going on right now. And I can only hope that I come out of this a better and stronger person. But the thing that amazes me is that despite all of my mistakes and all the pain I caused you you still love me. I am so happy and lucky to have a caring loving and strong man in my life. You are the most selfless,sweet man I have ever known only your father could come a close second. I love you with all my heart and promise I will spend the rest of my life making up for lost time. I only want you to be happy as I am. I promise to give my entire self to you. I love you.)        We started seeing each other again this past february. I received this text on May 5th. She cheated on me and said we need a break on July 23rd. Her new boyfriend is going through a divorce. She moved him in and she also had to find him a job. LOL. This just goes to show you never really lose your girlfriend. You just lose your turn. No doubt she will be back eventually.

  • od_dude 2015-10-14 23:48:18

    charger446 Dude lol, ive seen this so many times, omg so many times. They come back to what they know is fair and good, but then there low self esteem screws it up again and again, and they run back to drama and an emotional charged shitty situation, lol.  Its like this, if ever their in a good place, not a beta man place, but a fair place, where the man stands up for him self and calls them on their shit, but at the same time treats them decent, they cant cope with it. The moment they can't feel sorry for them selves, means they have to look in the mirror and take responsibility for their own fucked up mess, so they sabotage it and run back to a place they can feel sorry for them selves, LOL.  Charger, I've had three women come back and leave again to go be with a douche, it just comedy now.  And yes they crawl back again, some times  a year later, some time 10 years later.  But in the end she cant handle healthy, healthy means its her fault her life is a mess and that unacceptable,  so she will now spend years fixing her new boy friend and crying to her friends how caring and giving she is, but its not her fault she a caring and giving person. LOL.

  • od_dude 2015-10-15 00:12:05

    charger446 Read Dawson stones blogs too, hes bang on.  My current wife, who's a boomerang,  she said all the same shit, and still messed our marriage up, we are together for our kids, but I'm just done, I keep my friends with benefits on the side now, and have given up on monogamy. When my kids are older we will go our ways.  I'm sure she will boomerang again in 10 years, but who cares, just take it for what it is, your turn again. LOL

  • charger446 2015-10-15 04:52:33

    When she told me we needed  break I actually went beta for one day. When she text me the following day my response was. (You were right we do need a break. We are too confrontational towards each other lately.) This actually fucked her up. She expected me to chase her or she wanted some type of drama. When we were together there was no drama. This is too boring to most woman. I never initiate contact. Since than she has either text or called. She even tried to friend zone me. My response was.( You know my feelings towards men and woman trying to be friends. One is always trying to fuck the other one.)  She has also called me for other stupid reasons. The key is to never show any kind of emotion when talking to them. She actually swung the conversation around saying. Your looking into my boyfriend too much. My response was. (It is what it is. You do whatever you want. I will do whatever I want.) Next conversation she says, but we have plans for the future. My response. ( No way to predict the future.) I am still very good friends with her mother. Her mother even watched my house and took care of my dogs a few weeks ago when I went to las vegas with my friend. My friend is on his 2nd marriage. He has been married for less than a year. He has not been laid in about two months. Every time we hang out she gives him grief. My best advice is never become dependent on a woman. I would never buy a house if I cannot afford it on my own and have it in my own name only. Never have joint credit cards or car loans. I feel it is ok to move them in if it is going good, but when the shit hits the fan show them the door. I believe if you do it any other way you are setting yourself up for disaster. If my ex comes back around I will hang out with her and fuck her again. She will determine how long it lasts. When she leaves it will not effect me. My married friend thinks I am nuts if i see her again. My response was (I have banged her what maybe fifty times or more. She owes me $200.00. Thats only $4.00 a fuck. Your spending a hell of a lot more than that and not even getting laid.) Lol.

  • Johnny@13 2015-10-15 20:45:59

    Hey BD. You were right. My ex girlfriend came crawling back after 2 months. I guess it didnt work out with the other guy. She came over last night and i fucked her 3 times, but i dont want to get in relationship with her. I obviously dont trust her and look at her as the same way as before. She wants to hang out again and cook me dinner. I just want to keep fucking her. What should i do because she is getting emotional and telling me she loves me , blah, blah I need some advice ? Thanks

  • SJ 2015-10-16 05:10:10

    @Johnny13 Dude, venture around on this blog a little bit. What's one of the common themes on here? DO NOT GET ONEITIS. The way you're talking, you have no other options. Get more options and you won't be asking all these questions on here about "what to do next" etc. Have fun with this ex, and even treat her good. But MEET SOME NEW WOMEN, too. You'll think about and see this girl less which will make things BETTER between you two.

  • RealTalk 2015-10-16 15:08:08

    Guys that have been following my case over last 8 months (since getting dumped). Little/No contact for 5 months and only initiated by her! Key development today - interesting how it links to what Blackdragon said, and 'problem' many guys will have on 'boomerang watch': Met ex for the first time today after 8 months, her idea so I met her in a coffee shop. Acted cool etc but she actually started gaming me - asking why I wasn't maintaining eye contact, shit-test stories, denial about events, random sob stories, scarcely bringing up details about us etc. Wasn't expecting that after so long (all subtle) - Lost frame kind of calling her out on general bs etc - not related to us though just general life shit by her - so couldn't really implement BDs escalate to sex part at all! She didn't show any overt interest or IOIs and she kind of kept the meeting short, maybe by logistics, wasn't sure. Basically, I wonder if sometimes they just don't boomerang for whatever reason. Maybe in NRE but didn't ask obviously. She wanted to meet so presume not. Wondered whether I need better frame control or just a better location for this, I don't know? Anyone had anything similar - as kind of feel it was a very uneventful meet after so long; maybe thought it would be more extreme (like massive interest or massive bitch mode). Or, do we just implement file-and-forget until she suggests evening drinks (hop, skip and jump into bed) scenarios... haha

  • snowman211 2015-10-16 20:16:23

    I went for a drink with a couple of friends tonight and bumped into my ex for the first time since we split up (6 months ago). She was with a group of friends, mainly male. I didn't know she was at this bar until one of my friends told me she was asking after me. I didn't read to much into and carried on enjoying the evening chatting to girls and enjoying myself. When i did see her i went and said hello, smiled and immediately walked away and carried on having a good night. Five minutes later she left with one of the guys she was with. I'm sure she left with other person knowing i would see them leaving together. I know this girl still has feelings for me and i want to meet up with her and create a situation where we can escalate straight to sex with no bullshit. Should i contact or not?    

  • od_dude 2015-10-17 13:32:25

    snowman211 "Should i contact or not?" did you not read the blog and all the follow ups,  You don't contact them for 6 to 8 months minimum, if they contact you, you chit chat, pitch a meet, then escalate to sex, if they resist, you restart the timer again. "When i did see her i went and said hello, smiled and immediately walked away and carried on having a good night. Five minutes later she left with one of the guys she was with. I’m sure she left with other person knowing i would see them leaving together." If she asked for you, and you acted way to nonchalant, then you lost your opportunity to escalate, and the fact she actually left quickly after, sounds like you pissed her off. Honesty, she has your email, cell number etc., she could easily reach out, id wait for a real contact, but every situation is different.   Since its been six months, you might fire a quick text, and say i'm sorry I didn't get to chat to you that night, maybe we could meet for quick drink, then see where that goes.  that is if she genuinely asked for you that night.  Your call, but if there resistance reset the timer.  

  • Snowman211 2015-10-18 03:47:30

    It's was a difficult and awkward situation, so decided it was best to just say hello and keep it simple. She did ask after me but at the time didn't want to read anything into it. Thanks for the advice, it has given an opportunity to initiate contact. Will leave it a bit and see if she does reach out. Also found out she is still single. Not that it really matters but would this effect getting in contact? As I imagine that she doesn't want to look lonely or desperate...

  • RealTalk 2015-10-18 07:03:28

    @Snowman, You aren't listening to any of the advice. You don't get in contact first. Ever. Whether its a monday, her birthday, asking after you to friends, her pet dog has died. She has your number and if she wants to contact you with any ounce of gina tingles she has left - she will. The best thing you can is wait to get contacted. Period. Otherwise all you're going to do is look desperate and 'melt' when she sees 'Snowman' is still contacting her...   Harsh words but you're acting in scarcity and its not what women with options look for.

  • charger446 2015-10-18 08:34:17

    Need some advice on this situation. If you read my previous post a couple up on this page you will see my boomerang. I have not called, text or anything unless she initiated it. This goes for the past 10 years.  I am still friends with her mother. She will watch my house and take care of dogs,fish whatever I need when I'm out of town. Anyways I have no relatives. Pretty much on my own. Her mother called me up and wants me to come over to her sisters house ( exes aunt) for thanksgiving for a while. Being that the whole family likes me and knows she is a fucking idiot (ex) what should I do. I personally can show absolutely no emotion when i'm around her. I believe the reason we broke up is because she cannot manipulate or control me, but her new boyfriend she can. If I don't show up it may look like she has some kind of control. The way I'm looking this whole situation is if she comes back around and I fuck her fine if not no big deal either. Her mom don't give a crap what she thinks either. Would you go or make some kind of excuse why you can't make it. I do not want to look like a little pussy who does not want to show up because of her.

  • od_dude 2015-10-18 11:15:20

    charger446 says hang out with your own family not hers,  if the mother wants to be around your place with out her, that's fine. Otherwise disappear like a fart in the wind, you need to keep her wondering.  Her stupid relationship will fail soon enough, she cheated, he cheated, he's doesn't have a job, and is going through a divorce, the whole thing reeks of extreme neediness and selfishness, there's zero chance that will last any stress test, disappear in the mean time, and don't be at that dinner if she is there.

  • od_dude 2015-10-18 11:21:54

    RealTalk , Snowman Black Dragons advice is after six to eight months its ok to fire a quick outcome independent text to feel the water, ( like hey how's it going, or saw someone that looked like you, I almost said hi, etc. ).  Snowman its your call its been six months, but if she responds cold or indifferent disappear as fast as you can and reset the timer.

  • snowman211 2015-10-18 14:05:21

    I'm going to leave it up to her to make contact. If I was to bump in to her again then would make more effort to create a situation where we can meet. I think otherwise RealTalk is right, she could see it as being desperate.

  • Nishith 2015-10-22 22:13:13

    Alphaish man turned Omega - she bolted   Hi guys, I need to get this off my chest. I guess I know the answer already but your inputs will help. I am a 32 year old 6 feet tall lanky  Indian. This is a slightly longish post, but I believe the length is essential to give you the contxxt I weigh 149 pounds. Skinny, right? But behavior wise I have always been an alpha. I have a baritone and power full body language. I am from Mumbait, he biggest metropolitan town in India. I was working as an hr manager in a private firm in Mumbai. There was also a 36 year old woman who was an AGM in HR department - two grades above mine. I resigned from that company in July and was serving my notice period. During this period, we went on 3 to 4 dates and we kissed. On the first date she said that she had a bf that was now an ex. Then I joined another company in Pune a city 175 kms away from Mumbai. We texted back and forth and she used to eat up my cocky funny humor. On one weekend I went back to Mumbai, we met kissed and made out. She kept on insisting that I give her flowers. I did not. After her constant insistence, I couriered her flowers after a week. We texted till a week after she received the boquet but her interest level had dropped. So on a Thursday, I what-sapped her that we should watch the Martians on the coming Saturday. She was online on Whats App throughout the day but didn't reply. A day later she replied sorry I already have plans. She did not suggest an alternative date or venue. I didn't reply to that. I changed my Whats App pic. This pic had me sitting with two very attractive girls. I presumed on seeing this she would get nervous and contact me. But she didn't. After 5 days of this I panicked, coz she was online all the time but not initiating any contact. I whatsapped her' I miss you. Gimme a kiss' till a couple of weeks earlier, she used to reply enthusiastically to such texts. This time she saw the texts but did not reply. I absolutely lost my mind, and like a fucking omega rang her number yesterday. We normally never call each other, just text or meet up. As expected, she did not pick up my call but replied ' will call you later'. I also got to know from my ex colleagues that she had a big fight with her ex bf on phone recently. I am wondering if the have got back together and he is fucking her. I knew heartistes commandments and trp quite well but behaved like a fucking loser to get closure. Also, I am skinny and have a dark complexion. I don't gave any plates to spin. I am maybe a 5 or a 6 on the looks scale, but this incident apart, I my behavior and body language is very alpha like. Advice, people? Is she ever going to get back to me? Is she fucking her ex bf? My ego has been trapped because I behaved in a very desperate manner, something that is just the opposite of the behavior I displayed when we started out. Thoughts and advice please. I would not mind if you ripped my game or lack of it to shreds. I would prefer a bit of insight into where I fucked up. I know 'Go and spin plates' advice, but frankly, I need to know where I went wrong.

  • Lee 2015-10-23 10:23:08

    Nishith, find another girl in your new town and forget her. Simple. I have lost ex too in the past due to me loosing frame, but no point crying over spilled milk.

  • od_dude 2015-10-23 10:41:16

    "Advice, people? Is she ever going to get back to me? Is she fucking her ex bf? My ego has been trapped because I behaved in a very desperate manner. This isn't Alfa behavior, your Ego is Betaizing you. Here's the first thing you do, go stand in the Mirror, if you think your a 6, fuck that, tell your self your a 12, that's what Alfa's do, doesn't matter what you look like, your a fucking 12, i dont care if your dark skinned and skinny, then shave your head and work out and be the 12. Second who the fuck cares about one Indian girl, what is there a billion people in that country, i'm sure there hotter more available women, you have some of the hottest women on the planet in that country.   Never give a woman the satisfaction of ever knowing they got to you, dust your self off and move on, stop worrying or how you fucked up, and start thinking your a 12 dammit and it was her that fucked up.  

  • Nishith 2015-10-23 17:03:22

    Thanks, Lee and od_dude. Sure my behavior has been weak and unmanly. W I have seen an alpha friend of mine maintaining no contact with his gf when she started giving him shit for a month. But after that, he initiated contact with his ex and told her how much he missed her and stuff. And sure, the girl bolted, never to look back again. Now, the same guy has multiple girls simultaneously and his game has automatically become very tight. What is over is over. But I wanted to know this for the future as well. How does one maintain abundance mentality when one  has only girl in hand? And, od, please throw some light on what specifically I could have done differently in this case. Was her repeatedly asking for flowers a shit test? and when I eventually sent her the flowers, did I fail the test? She then found no challenge in me and therefore lost interest? I am not asking this to get her back. I am asking this to understand shit tests better in my future relationships.                  

  • od_dude 2015-10-24 18:31:51

    "Was her repeatedly asking for flowers a shit test? and when I eventually sent her the flowers, did I fail the test? She then found no challenge in me and therefore lost interest?" you can't understand them, how they think is just how they think.  If she was giving you some test, I don't get it.  Honestly I don't know what she was thinking or what you could have done or not done, but if she's into to you the flower wouldn't have been a big deal, women let you know, so if she gone, not much you can do, except move along. Nishith, I'll tell you what Id do if I was you, Id make tons of friends with lots women, and  have no agenda, be out come independent so they are already at ease around you. When a woman likes you, they let you know,  peruse it then, otherwise don't worry about, and don't bother being into one until you get a little buying sign. Women love men who are confident and who have no agenda's, Good luck brother

  • Johnnylee 2015-10-27 07:32:05

    Well,I ran into my ex for the first time in 3 months, and I went to say "hi" to her and she replied "are you ignoring me?" Since i haven't contacted her in 2 months. I told her not at all and that I've been busy. Just chatted for a min and I left saying it was good seeing her. That was last week and she hasn't contacted me yet. I'm sure she will soon.

  • Carter 2015-11-02 11:43:19

    Hey I thought about a situation, backstory is we were on and off for a year but I became very beta and weak in the end and she left me and a month later she started seeing someone else. I went no contact and moved on with my life. I still have her on social media but dont look into the profile that much, I never been rude to her or anything and I am seeing a new girl now and I know she is in NRE bliss for a few months with a new guy who lives close to me. Now 4 months later I saw her in the gym, I waved hi and she just stared at me but I didnt go up and talk to her I just passed and did my thing. She was doing some excersises close to me but then she just left and didnt even bother talking to me. I still think about her alot, but what im curious is about how you guys would react in this spots. Should I even bother go up to and talk with her when I know she is seeing someone else or is it correct to just wave, ignore and move on. Also I wonder why she is cutting me out like this, I never did anything wrong although I told her im not interested in being her friend I showed up at her birthday and I also spoke with her last time 2.5 months ago. She knows im seeing someone else, but im just curious why girls act like the past means nothing and obviously since my goal is to some day get back into her pants im just curious if its "wrong" to not even say hi to her when its obvious I seen her. I was staring at her but didnt bother go there, since as stated before if she really is interested she will make an effort. Anyways, would be nice with some feedback in these situations. Thanks  

  • od_dude 2015-11-03 12:37:14

    "Now 4 months later I saw her in the gym, I waved hi and she just stared at me but I didn't go up and talk to her I just passed and did my thing. She was doing some exercises close to me but then she just left and didn't even bother talking to me. I still think about her alot, but what I'm curious is about how you guys would react in this spots. Should I even bother go up to and talk with her when I know she is seeing someone else or is it correct to just wave, ignore and move on." Avoid her at all costs, get her off your social media now, not to be rude, but to make her wonder, i recommending deactivating Facebook, if she texts you and reacts then you know shes still paying attention, and you can text her back and say you didn't delete her your just taking a social media break, so it doesn't look personal .  If you bump into her, and she seems open to a conversation, by all means chit chat her for a bit and escalate to one on one meeting.  If you bump into her and shes cold, be polite and exit quickly.  Personally if i knew she was using a gym i would make sure i was there when she wasn't, at least for 6 to 8 months, after that i might just happen to cross her paths and test her reaction.  The goal is, and this will happen, months or years, after her NRE is long faded, she will remember the NRE she had with you.  Emotions with people are cyclical, particularly women, they are NRE junkies.

  • scotty 2015-11-04 07:44:01

    Ignored my ex for pretty much 6 mos but unfortunately was still seeing her sister at the gym and we would speak etc. Nothing too intricate but enough that i knew all would get back to big sis. Now after 9 mos of dating some squid she is engaged. I have blocked her on all social media and defriended sis. Changed my entire gym schedule to avoid all of them. I have no doubt that she is no more in love with this dude then the guy from last year and the guy the year before that. Shes always been on a husband hunt and now she found him. I truly believe within a year if iam a total ghost she will make contact

  • od_dude 2015-11-04 11:18:09

    @ scotty Scotty, so many woman think they are in love, when in fact all they do is fall in love in having their needs met, when those needs change and they always do, the look for something somewhere else, beware of the relationship junkie, you know the one, the girl that hasn't been single for more than a month in her entire life, she in along cycle and her selfishness cant let her look in the mirror.   9 months and engaged, they haven't even gotten out of their NRE, odds aren't in her favor.   I think you made the best call, completely vanish, with no trace, you dont want to hear about her, or her stupidity.

  • Rob 2015-11-04 13:52:47

    Whitedragon, Today I overheard someone in the cafe talking about my ex getting engaged to someone 🙂 early next year. I guess my story ended today 😀 I do feel like a looser to myself. I keep my chin up while walking around on the office floor but I avoid her. She still pings me on office IM every other day but it's out of my reach to escalate even to a dinner let alone sex. I'm not getting enough strength to ask her out. Maybe I am still hung up 🙁 even though there's another female in my life now who is as good as my ex but my mind fights me to believe that. Life is funky. RT says you are no worse than before you met her. He's correct. Physically yes, but mentally it's very hard. Good luck to all guys 🙂

  • Whitedragon 2015-11-04 14:54:03

    @ Rob Wow - I'm sorry, that had to be such hard news to hear.  If there is a silver-lining here, perhaps it's that you can now completely "place her on hold" in your mind.  You can concentrate fully on your new girlfriend and see where things go.  Trust me, the one who got engaged will never forget you.  If anything, she'll think of you more as the new relationship unravels and troubles develop.  One of my boomerangs did this very same thing.  We had a huge breakup in 2007 which ended in her telling me to never contact her again.  I got over her and she re-emerged in 2009 to invite me to her wedding - I attended just to get some closure and the satisfaction was enormous when I realized that the guy was a terrible match for her.  Within a year, she began texting me about her marital problems.  By 2013, she was miserable and wanted to get together with me whenever her husband was away.  She never forgot the great times we had and, whenever we got together, she was affectionate (due to being starved sexually by her husband) and completely drama-free.  Your ex might reappear in the future in a similar way.  Getting engaged this soon is a sign that she is blindly making a huge mistake and her marriage to the new guy is likely doomed. In my situation, things are improving one tiny step at a time.  I've seen my boss in person five times in the past three weeks.  She's now willing to correspond by email on personal matters - but she never writes first.  The steps are small - but she was frozen like an iceberg in the spring so clearly her antipathy for me is lessening.  Time will tell.  I too am with someone new and things are going well - I wonder at what point you learn/decide that the new person is a better choice than the one that got away? Stay strong!

  • scotty 2015-11-05 05:19:58

    yes very true on all. Perfect word relationship junkie. She has never really been single for too long. She was looking for "the one" since i first met her. This guy looks like a hobbit. Yes dont need to hear anything more about it. yes this is headed for a Titanic like ending. Two desperate people dont make a right. Im not even sure she will actually make it to the alter. Either way its not my concern now. Ghost Protocol.

  • Karen 2015-11-05 12:42:09

    Wait a minute.  I'm a female who was dating an Alpha 2.0 dedicated to following Black Dragon to a "T".  I knew he didn't believe in relationships, I knew he wanted to date other women (albeit difficult with ED), i.e., I understood/accepted what he offered.  I tried to end it several times because he was a walking contradiction (he wants to screw 18-25 yo, no, he wants 1 night stands, no, he won't do that bec. sex is part emotion, no, he's anti-social & can't approach women - so nevermind all the sex, etc.) but he always wanted me to stay.  Said we'd always be friends & he would be in his life forever. BTW, we were married for 2 years & didn't see each other for 42 yo until last June.  Suddenly last weekend he stopped texts/calls to me & wouldn't respond to my texts/calls to him - we were having no problems - enjoyed being together, etc.  There are no other women involved. In the Black Dragon world, wouldn't an Alpha 2.0 provide the woman insight on why the break up (like a man)? Should I follow the advice you give to Alpha 2.0 males?

  • George 2015-11-08 03:55:38

    Hey Thanks for the blog. I have one question, I saw this has been brought up here before but an example: Backstory: My ex broke up with me 5 months ago because I was too beta and weak, she led me on and then met another guy and basically cut me off slowly. She is still seeing this other guy, obviously I would love to reconnect with her in the future but I moved on and ignoring her now and I finally met some new women and I have one regular girl in my life. I was out at a party yesterday, I saw my ex there but it was alot people and I dont think she knew I saw her. I was with my other girl and I know my ex looked a bit but she never came up and said hi and sometimes when I see my ex out we dont even say hi anymore, we were on and off for a year but it feels like shes cut me out now. I am moving on MUCH easier now and I dont feel the attachment to my ex as I used to, but im still interested for future experiences and I know this topic has been brought up here before but I just want to make sure: If you completely ignore her, and the fact you have a new women will it really make her miss you more and be more likely to boomerang/contact you in the future if she see you moved on completely? Do you guys think its a good idea to walk up to your ex to say hi and be friendly a little bit or is that too much validation? Right now I just pretend shes completely dead but deep down it feels immature, or am I wrong here? Same time she led me on, disrespected me and she does not make too much of an effort to keep me in her life. And shes seeing another dude, I already accepted this and moved on but a part of me would love to rekindle in the future thats why im asking if treating her like a dead person is really the way to go? I will meet her more times since we live in a smaller town. Thanks  

  • JohnnieV 2015-11-08 20:50:40

    George... Mate, it`s not about playing a game to trick her into liking you again. Forget about all that, because even if you manage to trick her back (easy to do), she`ll eventually (sooner or later) figure it out and you`ll be left wondering what the f&ck happened as you`ll be looking at her back exiting the door. Instead, what you need to do is to concentrate on yourself, be the best you can be, go after your dreams, be happy, build your masculine confidence and dont give a rats ass for any woman that doesn`t want to be part of your life or doesnt show high interest in you. Indifference has a massive sex appeal and that will attract plenty of `options`. The more `options` you attract the more indifferent you`ll become. As you grow indifference the more you`ll get to know yourself and what you actually want in a woman and from a relationship. Because of that you wont let yourself settle with second best.  In good time the woman that you deserve will appear (it`s inevitable) and she will rock the sh!t out of your world. My final advice to you is, don`t try to be a player! Be a man! Cheers

  • od_dude 2015-11-09 16:00:01

    My final advice to you is, don`t try to be a player! Be a man!
    True words, players are emotional children rooted in low self-esteem, The Alfa Male strides far above this, he doesn't need to play anyone, hes in demand.  

  • Owe come on 2015-11-11 18:21:23

    Just forget her. I did this technique decades ago. In my case I waited several months, contacted her by phone several times, she insulted me every time and then she hung up on me. At that point I completely cut her from life for well over 6 months. I ran into her at the local fireworks display. She wanted me bad at that point and I said NO. A year later she came up to me and I acted as though I never knew her. That had to burn her bad because I did it right in front of several of her girl friends. Work on yourself is the best medicine. After ignoring her I had way smarter, way better looking, and far more successful females all over me after I improved myself double fold. I did not need childish game playing females wasting time in my life. Your ripped right now because your feelings and hammered. Get over it and move on. There are a billion others out there. I agree with the posters, ignore her and some time she will come back. In my case I enjoyed telling her no then ignoring her in person nearly a year later right in front of her girl friends. You see I was hurt far worse than you IMO. I got burned big time from her. After I hit my final growing spurt, body built for a couple of years, got a golden bronze tan from the Florida sun, and started getting well educated in college she had to take back what she dished out. Diamonds over Hearts trumped her childish game playing trash. if you consider it like a card game you can wait months even years. BTW, I went to visit a small town I lived in many years earlier after she hung up on the phone with me the last time. Three different hot girls in my home town took turns with me. Each one spent about three or four weeks all over me physically. Two of them were sisters. NICE! Trust me, you will get over her.

  • Best Bloke 2015-11-13 06:21:44

    A slightly sideways take on this topic. I was wondering if anyone has ever employed pre-emptive dumping? Lots of you/us have been dumped and it does hurt...for whatever myriad reasons. But it occurred to me that my most recent ending had probably been one of the very few times I had been dumped. Not because I am God's gift I hasten to add, but because my general approach has always been that if I see the whole thing going down the pan (that little light goes out in her eyes) I steel myself to do the dumping first. It's usually a kindly, quiet chat somewhere private and I say that I sense the relationship is no longer working for her and that I will be happy to step aside...no dramas. In my experience this has three possible results. 1. You talk it out and stay together a bit longer and a bit stronger. 2. You really do go your separate ways - BUT... 3. Because you have been so understanding, brave and not a dick, she returns to your life after a while having experienced dickheadery elsewhere. I'd say it is about 33% for each outcome - but the main thing is YOU take control and decide YOUR future and that's what a man should do in my book. As JonnieV says - don't try to be a player, just being an emotionally available, but emotionally strong, man will do. Outcome independence remember!  

  • AlphaMan 2015-11-14 13:26:18

    This all topic is pointless. If a woman dumps you, you move on, you will never contact her again, answer her calls or take her back, not even for sex. Never take a woman back after she dumps you, NEVER, not for friendship, relationship, sex, nothing... The reason is because if she dumps you once, most likely she will dump you twice. People don't change. Also, its a lack of respect to get back with a person that dumped you once and you will always feel insecure in the relationship afraid she will dump you again.

  • Best Bloke 2015-11-14 15:03:10

    I think it may be you AlphaMan who is missing the point. And I am guessing that you are quite a young man. The context here is that you will be having multiple relationships/FWBs etc. and do not have all your energy invested in one person. So yeah, I agree, if you are dumped don't contact - move on. If however she contacts you it might just suit you by then to accept an undumping with good grace - because I can assure you that people DO change - more to the point YOU should have changed by that point and can see the relationship from a new, more emotionally detached, perspective - and being dumped again presents no anxiety at all - so be it. For example, I have a very dear FWB. This particular lady did indeed dump me once...in 1979!! We re-met twenty years later and by then we had both matured - no heavy stuff about marriage and a future life together - both been there, done that. Instead we have a great time when we see each other - trips away travelling and plenty of fun and sex. It's an entirely different thing. Sure, if you want stick by your mantra and miss out on all the potential fun that is presented to you, go right ahead. But I would say that there is plenty a good tune played on an old fiddle - so take it as it comes. It sounds to me like your pride could be doing you a disservice. Chill out and enjoy life.      

  • SJ 2015-11-14 15:22:00

    @AlphaMan, You're entitled to your opinion, but you're missing a larger point. If you're all sensitive and sad and hurt by a break-up and you're going to feel that way about her for the rest of your life, sure, walk away and never look back, even if she later offers her pussy to you. But if you are a confident, outcome independent man, you don't give a fuck. I, personally, don't hesitate escalating an ex to sex. If I still find her attractive, and she wants to fuck, I'm not letting that opportunity slip away. But I take it for what it is, which is, simply, sex with an ex. Why not add her to the rotation? Sure, she'll leave again, but ex or no ex THEY ALL LEAVE at some point. So who cares? It seems you're too emotionally caught up with exes and you have to separate yourself from them for life. To me that is petty and downright silly, especially if she wants to get on my dick.

  • AlphaMan 2015-11-15 06:06:18

    I woudnt know... I never been dumped. I do the dumping lol

  • NoContactmeh 2015-11-15 06:21:30

      Hi, I have been dumped 2 times and I got an alternative for no contact. These were 2 years plus relationships. I would text one message a day every day more or less at same time. Something like "I hope you had a good day, sleep well", just to show her that I care for her and I support her. Keep in mind I wouldn't talk about past and get back together or even ask any questions and I would be out there getting other girls, and not obsess about my exs...but every day one message. She would not answer or pretend sometimes that wouldn't read it. But this worked for me very well. After a while I asked her out and we would get back together . This only works If she knows you are not clinging or needy and your doing it because you actually care for her and want her back for a relationship and you are actually out there living your life. Also, the girls I used this technique are real woman, not sluts that go to bar every night. I am talking about women that are responsible, have a good job, house, car, one of them was a single mother, so you get the picture... I wouldn't bother do this with anyone that is 25 years old or less...you will come off as very very needy.      

  • George 2015-11-16 14:52:27

    SJ, OD_DUDE, a few weeks ago you guys suggested me to escalate to a meeting should my ex contact me.....I did as you suggested but instead on asking if she will meet, she sent a smiley. And the conversation died. What is this.....this sucks big time. Now what, I ask again when she pings me? And again a smiley 🙂

  • Calm 2015-11-16 17:06:05

    George, how did you phrase this meet?  Did you say "We should meet up sometime?", or did you go for the definitive approach, and say "You should, do such and such, on such, on a specific day, at a specific time?"  If you go with some unnamed time, and day, you'll get a weak response.  Pick a day, and, a time, and say let's do this!  Personally for now I'd let it go till next contact.

  • JohnnieV 2015-11-17 08:24:44

    George, without knowing specifics I would say that her response was typical of a woman that just had her dose of ego boost. If your original message to her was anything less than "Hey sweetheart, i want to see your sexy eyes again, let's catch up for a drink next Saturday, I'll come and pick you up at 8" then you were asking to be played around and you relinquished control. When you ask women out ask like a man. Be direct and straight to the point. Take control as an alpha. If they say no, it's their problem their loss. If they can't meet you for a fair reason then you propose an alternative date or time. In this situation now, just don't do anything. She already knows that you want to meet with her, so let her contact you first. When she does, don't beat around the bush, avoid telling her your life story with messages, make definite plans and end the conversation there. Cheers.

  • George 2015-11-17 10:46:32

    JohnnieV, you are funny dude. As for her, fuck her....she pinged me again and today I was pissed. I told her I wouldn't tolerant such shit from anyone else. And that you were lucky to have me in your life and I aint your friend..you were much more to me. I told her I'm never asking you out ever again. You have to or else fucking good bye. And if she does ever ask me out....I'll first fuck her and then go for dinner. Fuck it man.....no point crying for girls that don't want us in their life's. It hurt my ego today. I used to do so much for her....she'll realize it some day. Thanks guys...you are my best invisible friends.

  • od_dude 2015-11-18 23:20:10

    @George

    Fuck it man…..no point crying for girls that don’t want us in their life’s. It hurt my ego today. I used to do so much for her….she’ll realize it some day. Thanks guys…you are my best invisible friends.
    best attitude to have , three thing I do, I recommend to all, 1st I hit the gym, I channel all the pain and crap into reps, if you start to get lax, go on her FB and see whos she fucking, feel shitty and hit the gym even harder. 2nd, buy a high end wood driver, Nike or Galway. then hit a driving range and smash 250 plus yard drives, nothing feels better than when your hitting the back of the fence. 3rd, Buy some fine Whiskey and good cigars, and relax, and if you have some funds, buy a fine luxury watch or three. Whiskey, cigars, and watches are my man loves 🙂 All of those things no matter what age you are, raises your stock, be a man be proud, and know her stock is dropping daily as yours is on the rise.  

  • Johnny@13 2015-11-23 18:24:45

    I've been broken up with me ex for about 3 months.  I have been communicating with my ex a little bit, but she is aware that I have been seeing this new girl.    I started seeing this new chick, but I don't want to get in serious relationship. She's a very sweet girl and has all of the components to be a great girlfriend, but I would like to be upfront with her because she is starting to really like me and getting clingy.   I enjoy spending time with her but I'm not emotionally ready to be in a relationship.   Any advice would be greatly appreciated?    

  • Anthony 2015-11-24 04:43:41

    Ok guys, after 3.5 years, she said she needed space....and I walked away. Since then, I haven't spoken to her in a month. With that said, I have a date this Thursday with an older woman. The ironic thing is that this Thursday makes it a month since we last spoke. During the last month, I've hit the gym so hard and ate so healthy that I have already lost 6kgs(13lbs). I am also looking to market and sell a Caribbean beverage(sorrel) my grandmother taught me how to make. I've gone to some entrepreneur workshops and I am getting some help. I live in Seoul, South Korea and their are plenty of Korean women who want them some American you know what. NEEEEEEEXT!!!!

  • Anthony 2015-11-24 05:06:05

    @ Johnny Cut the crap and get serious with that new girl. You can't be hung up on someone who let you go the first time. Take it from me. Get your Alpha on and bang that pussy out. I'm looking to start dating again and here you are already with someone who is into you, but your getting cold feet. Knock it off Johnny!!!!!!

  • od_dude 2015-11-24 13:36:19

    I haven’t spoken to her in a month
    Continue to do so, until she crawls back, no exceptions.
    During the last month, I’ve hit the gym so hard and ate so healthy that I have already lost 6kgs(13lbs).
    Perfect, and every time you even a tiny bit miss her, remember she walked on you after 3 years, and hit the gym harder, throw all that into the new you.
    I am also looking to market and sell a Caribbean beverage(sorrel) my grandmother taught me how to make. I’ve gone to some entrepreneur workshops and I am getting some help.
    Even more perfect, you dont have time to waist on dead end people, you have your own dreams to pursue.
    I live in Seoul, South Korea and their are plenty of Korean women who want them some American you know what.
    Exactly why be hung up on a flake, when your surrounded by some of the hottest Asian women in the world, your at the buffet, forget the scraps  

  • Anthony 2015-11-25 05:52:42

    Thanks od_dude, The gym is my sanctuary now. Since I'm not with her, I'm not going to the movies and eating popcorn or going out to this and that restaurant. When I'm in that gym, all I need is the Rocky 4 soundtrack and Floyd Mayweather training highlights....they help to tear sh*t up on the weights and treadmill.

  • Rob 2015-11-25 06:26:19

    Hey Whitedragon, I heard that my ex is moving to the 3rd floor. We currently sit on the 2nd floor. What a relief man! 10 months to this day since we broke up I still can't get over her. A large part of my day still goes thinking about her. I am fucked man. I hope when she moves away, I'll be able to hold myself together again. Never a work place affair again man, never.

  • Whitedragon 2015-11-25 07:31:23

    @ Rob Wow, I feel your pain!  It's amazing how much relief can be felt from a one floor move.  I hope that your healing can truly begin now.  Are you planning to leave the company at some point, or are you both likely to stay there for a long time? I agree with you - no more workplace affairs, ever!  My ex still works on the same floor and I see her pretty regularly now.  When I see her it feels like old times - the smiles and the easy conversations.  But she has made it clear that the subject of us getting back together again is off the table.  It is always nice to see her - like watching a new episode from a favorite TV show - but then she says goodbye and I know that she won't contact me at all, or think about me at all for any reason until the next time I send her an email or knock on her door. Stay strong my friend!  Keep taking one day at a time - the future is completely unknown.

  • Chris 2015-11-25 14:20:30

    Seeking advice from any and everyone. Long story short me and my girlfriend have been togeather for "SIX YEARS" 2010 to 2015 next year will be seven. We started out from Highschool and in early 2010 by late 2010 we lost our virginity.............. We bought 2 condoms this entire six years So you can get an Idea of how serious we are. In 2011 she got pregnant miscaried but since then til now we fucked like animals. We lived togeather from 2011 to late 2014 again animals. In early 2011 there was a time we were homeless for 2 weeks so strong connection and bond. Six years so the family part is there and in 2013 crazy as it sounds she proposed to me. I was going through alot and yeah that didn't happen. She wanted the marrige I'm looking at homes for us. Than marriage. Ok fast forward to beginning of this year alot has happened I finished some college associates in healthcare. I also lost my mother around the same time early this year.  However I have an opportunity to make over Six Figures in a field unrelated to Healthcare basically Law. So I'm changing. This year I found out many things when she lost her job early this year she didn't finish high school. I knew this but like to point it out In 2011 she kissed a guy once I knew but we proceeded and moved in and have been good til now. Right before she lost her job 8 months ago same guy she kissed years ago works there. Long story short from this point on she's been distant. She says she wants space to finish school and goals however I see her constantly hanging out with this friend. at one point she shared her car with her sister and I found an unopened condom under the seat but hey looked past it. I then recently come to find out she went on a 4 day trip with this guy and they go to alot of car events. He swore there is nothing going on and came to my house. She swore its nothing but im still a little ya know. Simply because she kissed this guy in the past and is around him alot fixing her car but I look past that because she did buy her car from him. In looks I'm a 9 and he is a 4 we both laughed about that its not the looks its not the money Im just concerned. I went crazy when I found a pic of her in a hotel room with him 8 months ago. She told me there were there with friends drinking and watching the Mayweather fight. But the pic is her there on the bed in a bathrobe and he must have took the pic. It's dark outside the window and it just doesnt look right. then i go back and think about the found condom ect. We are still togeather our sex life dropped a little meaning if I ask for sex Ill get it but she doesnt initate. She always says she's to tired and needs space to focus on school and goals and I have accomplished so much let that sink in. But She hangs out with this guy once or twice a week and havent spent time with me in about emm 2 months. Its really weird because as soon as I plan to walk away she will call my mother and you know and my mother calls me and yeah its weird but I don't know man. We are not living togeather also I'm 24 and roomate with a childhood guy friend. She just turned 21 so please do not go  back and add up how old we were at the beginning of all this. Yeah I was 19 still in highschool as she is 21 and needs to finish. Anyways advice please Why would my basically wife be like this. And no I'm not gonna be out fucking other hot pussy. I just need the ball back in my court to get that manly respect again. I've had it for 5 years and it basically got away. Note we are not broken up I just wan't her to be a horny freak all over me again. She's became real tomboy ish. Even around these other guys she's like one of the guys. so I can see nothings going on. Where is my I don't wanna post her nickname but I need my freaky girlfreind back. PS. we have done it all and even tried anal. so again serious relationship.  

  • Rob 2015-11-26 03:43:25

    That's another thing about leaving the company. We live in a very small town in North Carolina. She makes $95,000/year & I make between $175,000-$200,000/year. It's very difficult to find another job that pays us this much. Or we move to a big city like DC or NY. Over the summer I even found a job but they weren't willing to pay me more than $130,000. So yes, I don't think any of us is leaving the company anytime soon. They say....you have to pay for your sins in this life itself.....nothing is carried over to the next.......so I'm paying the price and will continue to do so till I don't know however long. You once wrote boomerangs are real 🙂 well, I see your faith in boomerangs is taking a hit 😀 forget her dude..no point in chasing them. Enjoy life like RT & Dawson. Happy thanksgiving to Dawson, RT, OD, SJ, AL, Calm, POB, Whitedragon, George, Jesus and a host of other guys who've been very helpful during the dark days.

  • od_dude 2015-11-28 16:40:55

    @ Chris

    I just need the ball back in my court to get that manly respect again. I’ve had it for 5 years and it basically got away. Note we are not broken up I just wan’t her to be a horny freak all over me again.
    I read your story, and she sound like a flake, sorry, and its irrelevant if your a 9 and hes a 4,  women march to a different beat than us, and for all you know hes packing an 8 inch rod. You want her horny, make it about her and make her cum before you. Make is about her not you. You want the ball in your court, be a fucking Man, tell her the dude is gone or your gone, period Make it perfectly clear she yours and yours alone, or your taking your six figures and 9 looks and fucking other chicks, you make that perfectly clear to her. Being ALFA isn't about being an Asshole or player, its about being becoming the Dominate male, and make her aware of her place in your world, and if she not making you happy, she gone and some one else will. That's how women work, you cant treat them as your equal, contrary to what the feminist have been telling every one, a million years of female evolution has conditioned them to be happy when they have a dominate male.  

  • Chris 2015-11-29 15:16:24

    @ od_dude Thanks for the advice however I've been naturally the Alpha Male 2.0  for the past five years brother. I have confidence in myself as I'm the one packing the 8 so It's not sex. 5 years in the game pure Monogamy I've been eating it right and she was sleeping like a baby I wake up to her pleasuring me. I know that part Its confusing I just need some brush up tips as I have never done this no contact before and we are not separated. However no situation is unique. So yesterday she was hanging out with him again I have already done what you mentioned here LoL. I said him or me. I told her lets all meet up. He is scared I'll fight him in which I will. note: (I also need to know will being to defensive or a bad ass be a turnoff I have that approach naturally.) anyways when she  called me he grabs the phone from her saying he is indeed with her. I let him say what he had to say typical beta. I said that's your girl right ok were gonna settle on that. Sure enough she is texting me she is not with him and now she misses me and yada yada yada. Trying end the Drama. I have never done a serious no contact before so is this where I put it into effect. She's becoming a little Dominant however like I said I start walking and she gets to crawling. So I need to be brushed up on a good friend of mine taught me the game years ago its like with anything you don't fall you just fall off balance. and this is the first time for me. So what should I do In my situation: od_dude I need tips from a veteran.

  • od_dude 2015-12-01 22:39:28

    @ Chris If she your girl friend and still sleeping with you, I don't want to give you the wrong advice. I will say this, If she not living with you, you can give her the no contact soft next, read about in black dragons descriptions, it a short term no contact to let them know they need to smarten up Also she playing with you, when she learned she can do what she wants and then all she has to do is cry and beg and you let her off the hook. You need to end that pattern. your call, how to proceed.  

  • od_dude 2015-12-01 23:22:27

    @ Chris And if anyone doubts this system, my boomerang, just contacted me after 4 months with a bitchy comment how shitty I am to her for ignoring her ( I've blocked her every where but one email address ),  I asked if she wanted to meet and talk and I miss seeing her face, just a subtle hint with out being to over the top, she danced around it said she didn't want to be sexual and but wouldn't say yes or no, I said I'm just asking if you want to meet and talk, then told me how sweet her new BF was, which of course we all now is girl shit cause if they are in such heaven they wouldn't be contacting you, that's fine, timer reset, I I'm not responding to the last email, nor will I be emotionally punishing, because she not sure what she wants she obviously going through the end of the NRE and I have all the time in the world and I have other FWB.  But the point is as Black dragon said, just hit the timer this is massively field tested.  I recommend you read Dawson Stones blog he's linked it on here, or Google it, he has some good insight too.

  • Chris 2015-12-02 14:03:04

    @od_dude Ok so 2 days ago she posted a video on her Instagram of her and him watching tv. The caption said "These Words can't explain how I feel about you we have been through so much and it's a lot I can say but I'll keep it brief and let you know I love you and truly appreciate you" She than blocked me. So I called her and asked her and she starts explaining its nothing I started closing the conversation and she tells me If I ever need anything yada yada. This was the 30th so I Immediately started the no contact. I had it going before this for 2 weeks but now I know for sure something has indeed been going on I started now especially since it was the 1st of the month the next day. Less than 24hrs I get a text she misses me and she's sorry she led me on. OK so here are my questions. No contact 4 months so It will end on April 1st April fools day lol sounds bad already. anyways What do I do in the event she gets the family involved or even more comes to my place? You know my story so I'm also wondering at this point in her life what she may be going through. Six years that she leaves me cool. however she is instantly in love which I took that as bait. She didn't sound to happy on the phone and he didn't look to happy in the video at all. Women these days. So yes brush up tips from a veteran the soft next as I was doing prior to this is out the question "so she is playing with me, when she learned she can do what she wants and then all she has to do is cry and beg and I let her off the hook. I need to end that pattern" ok cool can you be more in detail about that and how much is to much when laying down the law. I also need insight to the women's mind. What do you think she is really thinking? So the clock is ticking. reply and I'll keep you updated every month or so.        

  • Anthony 2015-12-02 16:26:37

    Chris, This chick is bringing drama to your life. MOVE ON and find a beautiful chick who DOESNT bring drama. It's been a month since my ex broke up with me and I now realize that with her gone, the drama is gone as well. The only drama I have in my life now is moving weight at the gym. Get your mind right!!!!!

  • Calm 2015-12-02 17:55:14

    @Chris - You have to ask yourself, is it worth it?  What about this chick can you just not kick to the curb, and find a better one?  I have to agree with Anthony on this, too much drama.  If it is true men don't live as long as women, it is because we catch all their drama.  It takes years off your life.    

  • Calm 2015-12-02 17:59:08

    @Chris - I had to add to this:  "I also need insight to the women’s mind. What do you think she is really thinking?"   Who knows, they are all insane in some way.  I don't say that cause I hate em.  I love women, but once you realize there is no figuring it out, the less you'll try.  Even if they TELL you what they are thinking, that is only in that one moment in time.  Five minutes later, it is different.  Trying to figure it out will drive you just as nutty as they are.  Let it bounce off, and just float away.  Don't latch on and try to figure it out.

  • od_dude 2015-12-03 13:32:11

    @Chris Anthony and Calm are right,  shes a head case with no appreciation for who and what you were or loyalty to the past you shared. Walk away so fast, this is dragging you down, and there are millions of other women.   You have attachments and the pain of the loss and your ego is bruised, unfortunately you just have to fight though it, and sometimes it takes year or even two, i know, how you do that, you stop thinking about them,  take that pain to the gym, and every time you feel week, hit the gym again, when  the image of her and the other guy gets in your head, add more weight to your sets.  Above all learn to need no one, and now your free to meet new women, and every single one of them will have a vagina, and you will realize there was nothing that special about her.  And if one day after you've moved on, she might creep around again, and you'll have the pleasure of nailing her with out any attachment. But lets be clear any chick that pulls the shit she is, ISN'T THE ONE.

  • A Female's Perspective 2015-12-04 14:18:30

      Came across this site and as a woman speaking, I don't know how this works. Implementing no contact does more harm than good. I know because I've experienced it on both ends. Leaving someone hanging for weeks or months only causes resentment and anger. No contact only makes things worse and I would advise against it. NC is really meant for you to gain some perspective and detach, but it has its consequences. When someone springs NC on you (with or without a heads up), you spend the first few or several weeks wondering what you did wrong, it's a blow to your self-esteem and quite honestly, who the fuck cares after a month of you ignoring me, let alone 4-6 months? The mental anguish of not understanding, feeling like the other person never cared...feeling used or like a joke - what can be gained from this? I agree - don't be a total pussy or overly emotional, but grow the fuck up and talk to them (this is directed at both male and females). If you really cared about your significant other and/or you want a better relationship, don't play these games. It hurts. I have self-worth and will not tolerate the NC bullshit games, nor do I expect the other person to put up with it and learned this from experience.

  • od_dude 2015-12-05 18:57:32

    Female's Perspective Your perspective would apply if we dumped the woman, we are talking about when a woman calls off a relationship for no reason other her own moods or she's not getting what she thinks she deserves, you disappear so fast and don't give them the time a day.   No, I've applied it multiple time and its works, sometimes months sometimes years, my longest was return after 7 years.  It depends on the quality of sex you gave them and how you treated them, if you were good in bed and great to them out, they will come around again a fair percentage of the time. But if they dump your ass and you cling and play lets be friends, you have ZERO chance of ever getting back in the sack with them.  I'm in my 40's almost ever woman ive been involved with for more than a few months has established re contact with me, and most of them I slept with again,  not all but at least 85 %, but 100% re contact rate.

  • JohnnieV 2015-12-06 00:18:46

    @Female's perspective The fact that you're commenting on a blog for men in the subject of NC it's a clear giveaway that you're on the receiving end and you have been hurt. You have to understand that NC is not a tool to play games or to hurt someone and it shouldn't be taken in such a way. Although some people do use it with an agenda but it usually ends up bad for both sides. As you've said NC is to gain perspective and for detachment, most importantly though It's meant to help the individual to move on and move on completely. You also say that NC should be announced. It shouldn't, a breakup is not a "time-off" period where there's an agreement in space, type and regularity of communication between the couple. A breakup is a final event where each go their own way. With all my past LTRs I've gone NC straight away without any announcement. I didn't do it to punish or to make them come back, I did it so that I could start healing myself as quickly as possible. Only after a significant period of time when I've dealt with all my emotions, truly felt that I've moved on and when I saw that there was something to gain, i re-established communication.

  • Chris 2015-12-06 00:56:52

    @od_dude @Anthony and @Calm I went to her house today and dropped off her belongings. She than said nothing is going on. I looked at her right in her eyes and told her I love her. I asked her is anything going on she couldn't look me in the face when she said no. Side note: she took down the video and explained the caption was just to make me talk to her because I was ignoring her 2 weeks prior. In which it did but point is I AM DONE! She wants her cake and eat it to. I'm taking my six figures and walking. She's hot and cold up and down.  Before I left she asked me for $5 for gas to get to a job Interview. I had 20's gave her $20 honesty is the key. I run errands get home and see a snapchat of her riding round tonight with him.   I talked to my aunt older successful women with a family 3 children she's in her 40's she said: "Sweetie you are too young to worried about finding your soul mate. That will come at the right time once YOU are ready for her arrival." Hell fuckin Yeah! I wanna thank everyone here for their help. I will keep the no contact going but I'm not even sure I still want to do anything future wise with this girl. Not even sex  I'm taking the L. Boomerang more like a Frisbee or Football.    

  • od_dude 2015-12-06 15:47:30

    @ Chris "I love her", make sure no matter what, never say that again. Chris, there's going to be pain with this separation, you've had six years of attachment and oneistis, its also ok, many of us have, that how we figured out not to do it again, but it can take a while to get past it, my worst one was almost 2 years to get over.    Get that gym membership and work out like a fiend, every time you look in the mirror and look better, remember what she did, and work out harder, In 6 months you'll be a 10 and the dude she with will be a 3, trust me it feels amazing to succeed, and you'll have the benefit of meeting hot chicks that work out.  Good luck brother

  • Calm 2015-12-06 16:16:19

    I wanted to add something to what od_dude said about becoming a 10 while the other dude is a 3.  Extend things out past the gym as well.  You need to think of yourself as a business, and every day you should be thinking about raising your personal stock value, even if it is just a little bit.  Make a list of 30-50 things you can do that raise the value of your own personal company (yourself).  Make them a mixture of things that can be done daily, such as working out, meeting calorie goals, sleep goals, etc., and things to avoid like smoking.  Toss in things like buying a new shirt, going someplace new, and mix in some things that are one shot goals.  Add things that just make you happy to do. Make each of these worth a "point".  At the end of the day add up your points, and keep track.  Every point is a bit of value to that stock, making it rise from the day before.  And don't worry if you don't hit every item on your list every day.  I can't on mine it is impossible, but I know each day the stock is rising.  Even if its a small amount.

  • od_dude 2015-12-06 18:45:02

    @ Calm Brilliant, You are a company and today is the first day of your IPO for the rest of your life. Now how are you going to make your self a  blue chip stock :). great advice, great analogy.

  • Anthony 2015-12-07 06:32:49

    Chris, You had a moment of weakness and slipped up with that "I love you" mess. Now go to gym and toughen the hell up. Don't say that mess again.

  • scotty 2015-12-07 06:54:10

    Chris i too think its time to hit the gym get jacked man up etc. But im glad you expressed how u felt. Let that sink in with her. It will make your statement that much more powerful when you are completely NC for a long time.  "he loves me but he is a ghost". You put it on the table. good for you. Now get your shinebox and man up. She will be a callin down the road

  • karen 2015-12-07 07:17:07

    @Female's perception: I applaud you for saying what I've wanted to say all along when this feed started.  Why does any relationship starting or ending have to be a game the guys play?  Stop with the manipulation that is similar to The Game (Neil Strauss) and the other rhetoric provided by the all mighty Black Dragon.  My opinion?  This blog is for the men who are too weak to actually be alphas who need someone to say, this is what you do, when you do it.  Outcome sex!  Stop playing games with women.

  • scotty 2015-12-07 08:12:49

    yea like chicks dont play games all the time. Why does the NC work almost everytime. Its because women want what they cant have ie GAME. toasted ice

  • Dawson Stone 2015-12-07 09:58:46

    @Karen @Female's Perspective Honestly I don't play games at all. I don't contact someone where things have ended unless we became friends. But if I am romantically interested in a woman and she isn't romantically interested in me, why would I contact her? But to the guy's point some of the commenters are trying to make, when I cut contact with a woman (to get over her faster not to play games) she is way more likely to contact me and hook up with me again then if I maintained contact with her after things ended. That seems to be the women's issue and not the man's that decided to cut contact after the women made it clear she was no longer interested. The fact that having no contact also has the happy side effect of making it much more likely the women will hook up with me again and on my terms seems like a no brainer.

  • karen 2015-12-07 10:30:28

    Dawson, your comments are right-on.  I agree with what you said, in that regard NC is necessary.  My concern is @Scotty's post.  I'm sure some women do play games, but most of us don't.  Men also want what they can't have, Scotty.  I stand by my original comments regarding The Game, Black Dragon tells you how to be a man (because you don't know how?).  Women are unwillingly placed into the Art of War against men.  If a man agrees to "this", then the woman loses at "that".  Why not follow your own moral code of conduct.  You know what's right/what's wrong.  Treat women as you want to be treated.  Trust and respect goes a long way.  I don't feel that when I read this blog.  Be who YOU want to be.  Thanks, guys!

  • scotty 2015-12-07 12:35:22

    Karen i respect what u say being a lady but the truth is just more than "some". Anyway it is also age dependent. When women have had relationships and children they do cut out alot of the crap and are very straightforward as are men. This blog is here for a reason its because so many of us have been ourselves and it has lead to heartache and pain.dont know if i can face it again. Cant stop now traveled so far to change this lonely life LOL

  • karen 2015-12-07 13:08:41

    Scotty, That's what I'm talking about and wishing all of us could avoid.  My heart was crushed a month ago by a Black  Dragon follower who said we'd always be friends no matter what.  A week later . . . NC.  I'm 63; I've known him since I was 17 (we were married briefly in the 70s).  He wouldn't have handled it that way if he wasn't following BDs advice.  Everything he said was a quote from BD.  I can't give you compliments.  I can't show you affection in public.  We can't call this a relationship.  Yada, yada.....per BD.  So here's to everyone who has hurt someone with NC:  Don't start the NC until you've told the person why the "whatever" is ending.   Don't we deserve a reason?  It would at least give us a place to begin the healing process. Thanks.  

  • Sam 2015-12-07 13:16:58

    Hi The greatest post I have ever read on the internet! For me, I was dumped two weeks ago. When she created a problem to do so. I showed her that I don't care. I told her: I am not the best man for you and I hope you all the best. I didn't contact her for two weeks and she did not as well. Today, I saw new pictures for her in different areas, it seems I was dumped for another guy, he is taking pictures to her. I am sure, he will dump her sooner or later. She is a high maintenance girl and I felt I was used with her. The problem is that her sister called me and asked me what happened because my ex told her sister that I am busy and didn't tell her she broke up with me. Do you suggest that I call her sister and get better understanding from her or see her or just ignore all of them? Please advice She might be doing this to hurt me. Her facebook picture has not been changed since 6 months anyway. In the pictures, she wears the same shows she wore on my first date and the place is one of the places we have been to. This is hurtful. What do you suggest?

  • Mo 2015-12-07 13:47:34

    My gf just broke up with me as well, obviously I was really upset about it and I kept trying to change her mind, we are gona talk face to face one day so we can understand the break up and move on, does this mean I have absolutely no chance whatsoever to get her back (,_,)

  • Calm 2015-12-07 17:30:17

    @Karen:  Without knowing your circumstances its hard to say why you got put in NC.  The fastest ways are the dreaded "Lets just be friends", or "I love you but I'm not in love with you".  If a man is romantically interested, and you are not, you need to be in NC.  The man's options are that or be in the friend-zone.  A shitty place to be, and a shitty place for a woman to expect a man who has feelings for her to be ok with.  Even if he tells you he is cool with being friends, he is not.  Not if he has those kinds of feelings.  Men do not work that way.  Always amazes me that women do. Being in NC gives you time to decide what you really want, and him to move on if that is necessary.  Ironically a lot of women who rail against NC have said "I need my space", or something to the equivalent.  Well as the saying goes, be careful what you wish for.  Again I'm not sure on your situation, but honestly this should be the essence of NC.  People get caught up in the whole I'm going to do this to get so, and so back, or get them back in bed, etc.  Really though this is about putting a hard reboot on something that is making a stress incident in your life.  The fact that yes it has an extremely high rate of return doesn't matter.  Anyone sitting there waiting on that return is missing the whole point.

  • Calm 2015-12-07 17:45:12

    @Sam - If her sister is a close friend then sure talk to her, but NOT about the ex.  Otherwise Walk away, and move on. NC @Mo - Walk away, and move on. NC.  You don't need the answers, they don't change anything.  Do nothing, walk away, move on.

  • Sam 2015-12-07 17:56:37

    @calm Her sister is not a close friend to me but she will confirm my thoughts that her sister dumped me for another man. I feel I was ripped off. This is ridiculous that a girl starts a relationship one week and a half after a breakup, then she says, she loves you!!

  • Calm 2015-12-07 18:05:31

    Sam, her sister may confirm, but she'll also relay the conversation back to the ex.  And that looks like chasing.  Even if you were tight with her sister, and she thought she was in the wrong, that will still happen.  Trust me I've got experience on that.  You don't want the ex to have any inkling you even realize she is still on the planet.  No contact means no contact in any form. None.  You already know what she is up to, you don't need confirmation.  It doesn't matter anyways, she is out.

  • Sam 2015-12-07 18:11:03

    @calm so, you suggest I don't contact her sister or anyone else from her friends and that's it. Move on, already gone

  • Calm 2015-12-07 18:24:58

    @Sam, if you are close to these people, and you want to talk to them as friends that's cool.  But NO talk about the ex.  If it comes up, cause THEY brought it up, then you are like Eh, it is what it is, and drop it.  NO fishing for info.  And stay away from her Facebook page!  That right there is poison. Some people will tell you to avoid the friends completely, and really that depends.  Some backstory on me, I am friends with a ton of my ex's friends, and close to her sister, but I DO NOT discuss her with them.  Oh I DID, and then I wised up.  There's no need.  The flow of information goes another way too, if you are not asking around that will get back to her also.  But honestly, you don't care one way or the other.  She is gone, you're gonna move right along too.

  • JohnnieV 2015-12-07 18:31:54

    @Karen Obviously that guy of yours belongs to a specific category of alphabetas or alpha wannabies (i prefer the term confused misogynist) that regurgitate words of the likes of people like BD without really understanding the lesson behind the words. Real men don`t hold back when they have true feelings for a woman and they will most certainly show affection, compliment and be romantic. Assertiveness and emotional self awareness are key indicators of true alpha men. On the other hand, we live in times where society has conditioned men to become submissive, placid followers, unassured. In other words, men have lost the plot in all aspects. As a result they get constantly rejected, mistreated, run over, disrespected. Men are hurting a lot and missing on a happy life and this is not nice but most importantly, not acceptable. It is the responsibility of real men to educate and train the rest, bringing them back on track. I started mentoring men because exactly of the extreme emotional pain and confusion that i was witnessing all around me and that was affecting me. And BD i believe does it because of these reasons too.

  • David 2015-12-07 18:57:53

    What if the girl that broke up with me is a girl that I might see in a client visit? She is not a client but her boss is. Do you suggest I ignore her? What is the best way to go around this?

  • karen 2015-12-08 06:44:37

    @Calm & @Johnny V: Thank you both for your insight and information.  It is helpful to me in coping with my situation.  Oddly, he was the one that kept insisting we keep seeing each other as friends.  Now 6 weeks later, I can happily say I've been able to compartmentalize the pain, et al and I'm seeing someone new who  has no problem saying my smile is the greatest, he loves my eyes, calls me "babe".  And, he's much younger than I - wow!  What a turn on :).  So, again, @ Calm & @Johnny V . . . thank you taking the time to talk to me like I'm worth it, because I am! Karen  

  • scotty 2015-12-08 06:52:58

    there are two sides to every coin. I am very sorry to hear about your loss and how upset you were. This blog is very one sided from a male perspective so it was good to hear from a female view. It wont change my beliefs but im happy to see you have been able to make progress and move forward. Good luck with the new guy

  • Anthony 2015-12-11 09:36:49

    Calm said: "Ironically a lot of women who rail against NC have said “I need my space”, or something to the equivalent. Well as the saying goes, be careful what you wish for." BINGO. That's what I was told by her so that's exactly what I did...give her space. Since giving her space, I have met other women and have lost 15 pounds. At the end of the day, a man can't chase after a woman that wants nothing to do with him. He is disrespecting himself while she disrespects him as well. He must go out and meet new women that would like to have him in their lives. ###FinallyFree

  • od_dude 2015-12-11 15:25:33

    BINGO. That’s what I was told by her so that’s exactly what I did…give her space. Since giving her space, I have met other women and have lost 15 pounds. At the end of the day, a man can’t chase after a woman that wants nothing to do with him. He is disrespecting himself while she disrespects him as well. He must go out and meet new women that would like to have him in their lives. ###FinallyFree
    15lb awesome, now focus on putting it back as solid muscle :). Sounds like you have the right idea in your head, you cant chase women that doesn't want you anymore, its pointless, and your not hanging around to be friend zoned either.  My boomerang just contacted me by email after four months, but to cry that we should be close friends and she misses the friendship, and why i deleted her from Facebook.  She broke it off with me, moved in with an other dude and is at a loss why after knowing her for so long why i dont what to stay in contact, lol, I'm just pointing out how screwed up their logic can be.  I told her i miss her too and then shamelessly escalated to a meeting which she avoided answering, told me that's not being friends, then told me how sweet her new guy is. I'm thinking in my head, why are you contacting me then, im sure he would love me being her friend again lol.  So what do you think the odds are if i follow the rules ill be sleeping with her again?  if she comes back it will be my third boomerang with her. lets see, this is the second time shes reached out after NC for almost a year, and i have her number in the sack, she knows that.  Follow the rules boys NC is NC.

  • Anthony 2015-12-11 20:08:04

    Indeed sir. I lift and run. The muscles are getting bigger, but I just got a damn cold so I might be out of the gym for the next week. The logic of some females are just messed up and at this point, I've come to realize it best to not even try to figure them out. Then again, women are emotional, not logical. It's quite funny though, she breaks things off then comes crying to you about why we can't be friends. You were rocking her world at one point and time and now she wants friendship? SMH!!!!!! Yeah, the new guy is so sweet that she is contacting you behind his back. FCUK OUTTA HERE!!!!! It's only a matter of time because she keeps contacting you. You have maintained your frame and that's a good thing. NC has helped me move on for the better.

  • Dan 2015-12-12 04:03:14

    @od_dude same happened here, it ended because of her getting feelings for other man. I said call me if you change your mind and walked away from her completely while she of course wanted badly to have me in her life as a close friend. Nope, thats not what I signed up for. After about 1 month she contacted and is missing me in her life. So I pitch for sexual meet and she cant because of this other guy but would love us to be friends. No thanks, state what you want walk away again and never contact her. Boomerang is inevitable if she ever enjoyed to spend time with you and you brought any real value to her life. It might not happen in 1 month but it might happen after many months or years in to the future. Who cares when, just do the right thing. If you want someone back in your life as an sexual being, you must walk away and not stay in contact or see her as friends. If you ever want to get in her pants again you must do that no matter how much you like her and would love to see her. If she tries to have you in her life as friends you must state what you want and not dither away from it. When her relationship with that new guy ends who shes gonna call? You the familiar guy who stayed as a platonic friend or some new exciting guy? When you walk away you'll change to that new exciting guy in her mind. Old salt makes them thirsty, also. She'll remember all the great times you had together and wants to experience you again. Being in contact as friends wont help you create this, and hell you didnt sign up for that in the beginning did you? But dont expect her back, walk away and never look back not to get her back but to move on. If she comes back great (and she will, RealTalk's comments from here are great reminder on this), but either way you will have new prospects in your life and she could perhaps be a great add on.

  • Anthony 2015-12-13 04:27:17

    Sunni said: "Your best bet with any woman is something we rarely see in the male species… open and honest communication.  Be it known, it is oft the male species that struggles with this, not women." Nothing says open and honest communication like, "I need space". LMAO. You see how women try to have their cake and eat it too?

  • Enrico 2015-12-13 09:59:19

    Hey Guys, first of all, excuse me for my english skills, I am from Germany.. I want to thank you all, for your brilliant advice. I used your advice months ago and it was really incredible to see how they work! Now with a new problem 😀 I met a new girl, we start to text via whatsapp. Everything was cool, but now I'm asking since 2 weeks for a meet and she applies all the time she is busy etc. Yesterday she said, next week will work. Another thing is that she does not text me a lot of stuff, I talk to her why and she apologizes for that. Now to my question, should I ignore her and look if she will come from herself or what should I do guys? I know this question is not fitting in this topic of the blog but I need your help. Thank you Enrico  

  • Anthony 2015-12-13 11:40:01

    Enrico, She is wasting your time. You simply say, "give me a call when you have time" and WALK THE HELL AWAY. Stop playing text tagging with this chick.

  • od_dude 2015-12-13 15:02:14

    Anthony

    "It’s quite funny though, she breaks things off then comes crying to you about why we can’t be friends. You were rocking her world at one point and time and now she wants friendship? SMH!!!!!! Yeah, the new guy is so sweet that she is contacting you behind his back. FCUK OUTTA HERE!!!!! It’s only a matter of time because she keeps contacting you."
    Exactly, her new meal ticket is so sweet, lol, but its ok to keep contacting an ex lover, yeah right, fucked in the head I know, she boomeranged me twice, I'm sure she will again, I don't care, I'm busy with others. I've been so gone for a year, a total Ghost, and will continue to do so until she agrees to meet, no exceptions.

  • Nars-ass-sis bolox 2015-12-14 04:57:43

    I have been split from my ex for 5 months now, i was the one who split with her because she suddenly turned cold and i was convinced she was cheating. I waa going through a lot of personal problems at the time and just wasn't myself and lost my head, i went through her phone and phone messages from another guy but nothing sexual but it was enough to drive me over the edge and i completely lost it and took all my stuff and left. We were going through a rocky patch the last few weeks before that anyway and i just think I'd had enough. I regret the way i acted cuz it was totally out of character for me but i just spit and went no contact for a month. It felt more like i was the one that was dumped my head was all over the place for ages. Anyway after the month no contact i called her and asked for a meet, she flaked me and apologised after saying she just can't meet me or talk to me anymore and wished me the best. Anyway its been 4 months since i last spoke to her now and i saw her in town the other day with her friends but she didn't see me, i didn't want to approach her when she with her friends but it's made me think about her again. Was thinking of maybe txting her again now that things have took a while to die down. Dunno if it's a good idea or not but fuck it if she blows me off i just won't bother again. As far as i can tell she doesn't have a boyfriend well from what I've heard anyway.

  • RealTalk 2015-12-15 07:01:38

    Following from my posts earlier in the year - the best advice I can give to recent guys: The saying 'It is what it is' speaks volumes here It literally doesn't matter what the girl tells you 'why' it ended. You need to just accept it has ended. The reason doesn't matter. You have to accept reality - it's over. Acceptance is the first stage in life towards future success. If you got dumped for being a nerd, accept you're a nerd. If you got dumped for being a beta without a backbone, accept it. If you are on low-income and can't afford rent - accept it. 100%. Don't pretend you're not in your current situation when you are. Own it. Accept the relationship with the girl is screwed. Feel it and then move on. Diamonds are created in the hottest fires. So long as you learn the lesson, you can start to move on. You cannot swim upstream to change a girls opinion. Accept it will probably never be the same again. Then start living. Thinking, tricking or planning to get the girl back is toxic - so much mental energy is spent on 1 girl out of 7 billion other humans in the world who has 'TOLD' you they do not want you! Let that sink in. If you have an ounce of respect for yourself, you'd take the hint and run. It's not about games that some of the girl-posters keep suggesting - they massively miss the point - it's is about respect for yourself! Respecting yourself means when the burrito has no filling in it anymore, you bin the burrito - if the girl has decided for whatever reason the relationship isn't to her taste, you bin her! Games aren't needed, this is about self-respect and taking back control in your life. Everyone in this forum will be dead in 90years - there is no time for playing games - the game ends in 90yrs max for all of us. Just get some self-respect and accept reality. Own it and swim in it. You'll be clean in 2 months following this formula. RealTalk  

  • Jason 2015-12-15 22:18:55

    @od_dude and @anthony I've got a situation I'm in and the two of you seem to help here the most so replies from you guys and anyone else is highly encouraged. Long story short I've been with my girl for Seven years. 8 months into our relationship I cheated and lost my virginity to a girl I was talking to 2 years prior. So basically I lost my virginity in October and Took the virginity of my girl Ive been with for the past seven years a month later in November.  Once we got serious and stopped using condoms almost a year later I had a guilty conscience. I confessed couldn't go on in life like that. I told her I lied about being a virgin and everything I did but from there we moved on and for the past 6 years I was pure Alpha and hitting the pussy raw no kids. ok here's the point 8 months ago she's been saying she needs space and time and the sex slowed down I knew what was happening. Fast forward 4 months I start my investigation and became a little beta. 4 Month later which is now I find out she's been having unprotected sex with an old "friend" always the god dam friend. LoL. Anyways I went to her house and showed her the proof. Her ass gets mad jumps out the car runs in the house. I go home and "START THE GOOD OLD NO CONTACT!" so this is where I am at right now. Now this is the kicker she is still seeing this guy I've been checking her post ever couple of days and its good I can get work I need to get done however She is a High Value to me meaning Its cool she want's to have a little fun but the unprotected sex part is a little over board and one day I have to talk to her about that also a side note. We were still intimate the entire time sex slowed down but never stopped anyways ............. The point is "NO ONE LEFT ANYONE" we are at like this "STAND STILL" No closure or No confirmed breakup. No contact has been going for a week now and her email's already have me a little weak. Her Email Number 1. I want to say thank you for the 7 years you gave me they have been good and bad but I say they both even out I can honestly say I gave you all I possibly could have gave you in the beginning of our relationship I was faithful and not so honest because I really wanted to be with you  but from there we grew and became happy for a while I can say I gave up on our relationship when you started pushing me away and cheated on me . To be honest I don't know what I want at this point in my life but I do miss you a lot I apologize if any of my actions have hurt you in any kind of way . Again I love you and miss you Her Email Number 2. Okay I feel that after 7 years you deserve the truth and then you can never talk to me if you don't want to . Yes I did have sexual inter coarse with Him and that's the reason why I had been distancing myself from you so I wouldn't hurt you after that I felt really guilty but then I didn't in a way I felt like we were finally even and seen what it was like to be with someone else I know it was wrong but yet again it's been a long time since I have actually been happy . I do love you (Jason) I truly do and I will always love you and maybe in the future we can be together I truly believe you are my soulmate I just felt we both started this relationship off with lies and it sucks just wish we can start fresh in the future . A lot of relationships can not survive through rough times and we did seven years again I love you and will always be here for you . Her Email Number 3. Remember all the crazy things we used to do like tonight I was remembering all the nights we got it In at the beach I miss you  and randomly I catch myself thinking of our old fun times and I guess what I am trying to say is that I love you and I miss you and even tho I talk to someone else I just want you to know no one will ever get as much love as you got I can honestly say I was good to you in seven years I was never unfaithful until now . We have so much history so many memories it's so hard to forget about all that sometimes I wish I could get you out of my head I think of you all day my heart is still with you after so long and after everything I really fucked up and since I know your not coming back to me I just pray that all your dreams come true and you find someone good I want to see you in a good state of mind wish you the best of luck and wish one day we meet up one last time to say goodbye I love you and will always miss you ( tearing up as I write this ) You know my number I'm here if you need anything and I'll try to do good myself this is a big lost in my life I truly love you . Goodbye Jason ✌️ She has also hit me with text messages and at least 3 phone calls everyday. This is the first time Ever having to attempt no contact she is not just some random girl I mean Seven Years. Soooooo. She said she knows I'm not coming back so If I'm doing no contact will she eventually give up. I need to know all the steps to do in this type of situation.  

  • Anthony 2015-12-16 02:23:54

    Jason, She's reaching out to you which gives you the power. HOWEVER, this chick had unprotected sex with your friend. I couldn't take her back, BUT if you decide to do so, you MUST get her TESTED....and yourself.

  • Jason 2015-12-16 13:15:10

    @Anthony He was her friend not mine lol. She knew him since Highschool and years later they ended up working at the same job. I really don't know what I'm gonna do at this point but I'm gonna keep it no contact. Get myself tested and work on myself.  

  • Klauss 2015-12-21 09:23:56

    Hey Thanks for the great input from everyone here, and I have been NC with my ex, moved on and met another girl for 6 months now and things work well but im not in love with her but take things as they go and handling it to perfection. However im not in pure NC with my ex, I still have her on facebook and recently I saw she updated to "in a relationship" and also I noticed she moved into the SAME BLOCK as where I live. This is becoming a mindfuck since old emotions are coming back, I tried to be somewhat "friendly" with her and ask how shes doing etc but she wont even bother to stop for a minuite and talking with me. Last time we had sex was 6 months ago and she has a new guy now and most likely still in NRE bliss. Being forced to see her on almost a daily basis is really putting me out of balance, and yes she dumped me because I became beta and I completely lost my balls in the end. It sucks because I am trying to heal and move on but now to my question: Is it extremely VITAL to delete her from social media? (Facebook mainly) If I somehow want her back in the future, or atleast make her an FB once the NRE bliss is gone. I already come somewhat to my senses but clearly there is still some needyness left since im taking my time posting this, but im extremely curious what the best way to go is if I would like to rekindle. Obviously, she still has my number and she lives in the same block so if she was actually interested she knew how to get a hold of me, I live in a small community and I will see her around. Also do any of you guys (Dawson Stone/Blackdragon etc) have a private forum/coaching or some community where people can ventilate like this? Since I understand here is not a forum but a response to a blog post, and obviously following the blog it says to IGNORE HER, but it doesnt say anything about deleting on social media or how to interact during personal meetups and this is where im still confused even though there is alot good posts and material here. Actually stated here earlier, social media is a great way to REKINDLE with her but at the moment im feeling its a "social media war" since i know she will stalk my profile eventually. But she is just another girl, I am well aware of this but when you become beta, give it your all and she rejects you cold hearted for some other random guy it stings, and it stings so hard that I will remember and my new girl even calls me "emotionally retarded" since im so indiffrent and not caring about anything since this "trauma". However its clear my ex still is my weak spot and im thinking in order to properly move on deleting her from social media is a MUST, but its been 9 months now and would this look extremely immature and the fact she recently put "in a relationship" (they still been seeing eachother for 5-6 months now) on facebook, would that make me look extremely butthurt and immature? At this point im well aware though, by posting this and asking these type of questions im already in a lost state but im just curious on a theoretical level or in general whats the best action to take. If anyone has time to read this and respond I appreciate it fully, always feels great to ventilate and if there is any way for me to donate back then let me know. Best regards

  • Anthony 2015-12-21 09:57:56

    Klauss: Come on man. FRIENDLY? REKINDLE? Dude, you are killing me. Your neediness is showing and its not looking good. It's been 9 months. Who the hell cares what the EX thinks. My ex broke up with me 7 WEEKS ago yet I seem to be taking it better than you. You have somebody new and if you felt getting her off of FB would help you move on then you did the right thing. If she isn't in your life then why does she need to have a view of your life on Facebook? FOCUS ON THE NEW CHICK and if the ex ever wants to contact you, she has your email. You have new pussy, tits, and ass. Cut the crap. You are going full no contact to move on with your life, not recycle yesterday's garbage.

  • Anthony 2015-12-21 10:00:59

    Klauss: Christmas is coming up. Eat, drink, have sex, and be merry with the new girl.

  • Calm 2015-12-21 17:19:13

    @Klauss Phase One: If you don't have the self-control to stop checking her out on Facebook then you need to delete her, or even better stay the hell off Facebook.  Facebook really is a pit of people bitching about stuff, or crying Look at me!  Look at me!  That is toxic as hell. Phase Two:  Ask yourself, why am I STILL hung up on this girl?  It's natural for them to cross your mind once in a while, but damn bro its been a long time.  She's out, and really why do you want her back?  There's not going to be a good reason for you to want that.

  • od_dude 2015-12-21 19:55:31

    @ klauss If your hung up on her in any way, remove her from Facebook, as Dawson Stone said it does you no good to know who's she sleeping with now. just fucks with your head.   I originally had said and thought it was ok to keep them on,  the girl I was involved with ditched me, and few months later was with another guy, but I left her on and she kept posting on my wall, after I remove her as a friend, she started liking my posts on mutual friends walls, which is just head game chick shit, so I blocked her completely from FB and texting, she still has my email, but that worked in my favour, you see after I blocked her she kept contacting me  via email first one was to bitch about how shitty it was I disappeared, then a few months later to tell me she missed our friendship, that was three weeks ago, of course I pitched a meet, My points is once she had zero way of checking up on me and her NRE was starting to fade, you can see at first she was mad and mad is great that means there feelings still there, then she starting to miss the emotional attachments with me, which they will call it being friends, this is how they justify they are contacting you behind their new guys back LOL.  So blocked and disappearing might work in your favour. Just follow the rules, disappear, when they contact you, chit chat and pitch a meet, rinse and repeat.

  • Klauss 2015-12-22 08:39:58

    Thanks for the response guys, I truly appreciate it. Yes I will go on and block her it does me no good to keep her there, and as stated earlier if she wants to reach me she can. I appreciate my new girl and will focus on her and my future in general, I think the main reason im still hung up on this girl is the fact shes my neighbour now and that I live in a small community. I see her constantly and reminders keeps popping up which makes it much harder to move on. I had exes who moved to other places and it made me move on way easier. Im sure I will forget about this girl too eventually, and if she ever contacts me thats a win, I dont think I will bother to even say hi to her if I see her at this point should just look at her, wait for her reaction and then move on. Its time for her to do the work and if she dont bothers then whatever. Atleast now I know how I will act in the future, thanks to this blog post and comments etc you realise how vital it is to completely ignore the girl, not just for her or to win her back, but mainly for yourself to get back in the perfect frame and actually have a chance to maybe win her back or someone better for that matter. Time to move on, merry xmas and happy new years guys and lets make 2016 a year to remember :).  

  • od_dude 2015-12-22 18:34:56

    @ Klauss If you run into her, don't be an ass or just ignore her if she see you, never be emotionally punishing, be pleasant, say hi and quickly make an exit, unless of course she's open to a longer more friendly conversation, then escalate to a more intimate meeting and by that I don't mean say "come back to my place and fuck", you say lets have drinks later and catch up I miss talking with you, they know dam well where your going to lead it too, and if they agree then escalate to a more private meeting, and if she not into it, quickly make an exit again.  But mostly focus on you and what you want in life, the quicker you forget them the better for you, and when you to attempt to escalate you couldn't care less if they agree or not, cause if they aren't you have other options. Good luck brother

  • Klauss 2015-12-23 08:02:17

    @od_dude Fair enough, but if I delete her from facebook this is gonna send an emotionally punishing reaction and thats what I was thinking might be a negative thing. She will understand im moving on but since I see her so often it will be hard to just be friendly again its more a final step for me to completely move on. I dont think I will be able to look her in the eye and pretend everything is fine after I delete her it will be a final step to be honest, I think it will feel like a burden is of my head and to be honest I couldnt care less if I ignore her to death at this point. I know emotional punishing isnt good but remember shes disrespected me tons, I tried to be nice and friendly but shes a complete bitch and she wont even say hi at times when ive seen her out she pretends she doesnt see me. And if I say hi and ask how shes doing she just say shes fine, keeps walking and says "bye!" This is a girl that 10 months ago asked if I wanted to have a future with kids etc together, now im a complete goner. She found someone else and seems to be head over heels for him now so I will delete her from facebook, but would you still try to act somewhat friendly on eventual meetups? (its going to happen since we are neighbours now) I kind of just want her off my radar, its the past and time to move on but same time its a girl I completely loved and would have liked to have in my life again some day in the future.  

  • od_dude 2015-12-23 17:01:16

    Klauss No if she contacts you and ask why this is good, means she still emotional invested, you say you deactivated your account, you feel like a Facebook break. But I agree make your distance, like I said if you see her before she sees you make an exit, if she happens to come up to you and be friendly be polite back, but agreed you need to be a ghost for your sake.  She's playing her own emotional games with you right now by being a bitch, you really haven't done anything bad to her, she just being a cunt, most likely because you didn't run after her ass, which is also a sign she still emotional invested, if she hated you she would have deleted you, she new dam well you'd see the relationship status update. good luck

  • Klauss 2015-12-23 17:25:17

    Od_dude Yes, I agree with you. I saw her out once in the summer and she was showing up her boyfriend really hard around me and my group of friends, I didnt give her any attention at all. Day after I was out with my girl and she was going nuts, texting me im hot etc. Unfortunately I fucked up that night, I caved in and left my girl for her started kissing etc talking all type of emotional shit. Next week she was back to her guy and I was back to being frozen out and thats the last contact we had (4 months ago). Im pretty sure shes emotionally invested still, but shes chosen to cut me out and wants things to work out with her new guy so yeah, all I can do now is to become a ghost and dissapear as hard as it might sound. Will block her on fb, if she asks I say I just needed a break or whatever (I dont think shes gonna ask tbh). And if I see her out I will wait for her to take action, if she does nothing I do nothing, if she waves I wave etc. I will look her in the eyes though and maybe give away a smile if needed but thats it. Its time to focus on myself, im already feeling better I had a bit of a emotional downer because I saw her recently in the same neighbourhood and the fact she recently updated her status (shes well aware I can see). I really wonder why she chose to live in the same block too, there are shitloads of flats in this area and she had to pick exactly where I am and she knows it. Its really like shes trying to play mindgames with me because ive been extremely strong to be honest (for being me). I left saying I wish her well and I dont want to be friends, had a great summer and met a new girl (she knows this) whos completely in love with me. The new girl is equally hot, maybe to some even considered hotter than my ex (depends on taste), unfortunately I prefer my ex look but they are both very hot girls who can pretty much get any guy they want. Ah well, will update here in the future for fun references but I talk from first hand experience just as the blogpost here how important it is to ignore the girl and not cave in, I was getting her back and the moment I caved in I lost. I really wonder how it would play out if I ignored my ex that summernight she went nuts/jealous when I was with my girl, I think that would have increased her anxiety levels and she would start questioning her current bf and maybe delude herself shes in love with me, I really wonder... anyone had similar experiences? Thanks again for the responses and allowing me to ventilate.

  • Martin 2015-12-23 23:06:37

    Sometimes its hard to accept what happened. It's hard to accept that she lost her feelings for you when you feel for her just as much while in your best times together, or even stronger. And shes with other guy and doesnt seem to care about you at all. You dont hear from her anymore, it can feel bad especially on Christmas. My mind goes on and on how can all this be possible and how or why it happened, what I could've done different, if only I'd known better. In these moments my ego and my righteous male need for “respect” flares up and I want to contact her. But what good is it gonna do? Shes in NRE and I'll only worsen my attraction in her eyes. It's good to remember this in your weak moments. We here know that it is certain that she will boomerang one day when the current guy messes up, but we have no power over that, actually we can only do harm by initiating contact. You just have to move on and accept that she is in your past, even though you will have weak moments. We men, as romantics, find it really hard to accept that she can ditch you like that when your feelings havent changed. But such is nature of women. But because of that very same nature she'll be back, but it will be only as a sex playmate/fwb. If the break up happened once, it will happen again. She has shown her nature. Never invest or get emotionally attached to a woman who has done that. History will repeat itself. We have to understand that it doesnt serve us to want someone who doesnt want us, when there is women out there who'd fucking love to be with us and fuck our brains out. Give your gift of time to those women who really do want you. Those women are easy to find, they're everywhere and they want it as much as us or even more. Get new women in your life and move on from the ex, yes she'll be back one day and you'll enjoy her as fwb but for now you must not want someone who doesnt want you, it doesnt make any sense for you to want someone like that. I want to thank BD for his post/blog and all you great guys who contribute great comments here. Reading comments here always brings me back to center. Keep up the good work guys, you're helping many men out there. On some days we can feel depressed over the break up but these comments helps snap out of it. Thanks all and Merry Christmas.

  • Klauss 2015-12-24 06:16:06

    Thanks Martin, appreciate the post and its very true. In moments of weakness its easy to give in, I was very close to try and become somewhat friendly since we are now neighbours and she meant alot to me, but now reading this again I realise it was gonna be a huge mistake. "We have to understand that it doesnt serve us to want someone who doesnt want us, when there is women out there who’d fucking love to be with us and fuck our brains out." Its time I show my respect to my current girl, and the other girls that will appear in the future who wants to be with me. Time to move on completely and if she boomerangs she does, if not it was never meant to be anyway :). Cheers.

  • Martin 2015-12-27 23:55:39

    @Klauss "I was very close to try and become somewhat friendly since we are now neighbours and she meant alot to me" Friendly? Well thats not in alingment with what you really want. You dont want to be friends with her, you want to be inside her. You want to be her lover. You have to be congruent to what you want. In life you get what you negotiate. In your situation if she initiates and wants to be friendly with you and asks how you are, you should communicate that you just cannot be friends with her because you see her as your lover. You can tell her that you care about her but this friendship thing just doesnt work for you because you want her. Tell her to contact you if things dont work out with that guy and then you'd like to see her, but otherwise you dont really have reason to be talking. Be friendly with her (ie not asshole or emotionally punishing) and leave the door open for future boomerang. You must negotiate what you want and then walk away and never look back. This is the strongest negotiation position in any human interaction. This creates scarcity and makes you valuable to her by removing you from her life. She cant have her cake and eat it too. If she is to have you in her life it must be sexual relation. And if someone thinks this is being rude, no. That is actually what you want, you dont want to be her friend you want to have sex with her. Nobody can expect you to be their platonic friend when you want them sexually. They will actually respect you for that honesty and when they're available again they will fuck your brains out for that kind of rare honesty. When they break up (which is inevitable), women dont text their non sexual platonic male fake "friends" to hook up. They text their old lovers and are suddenly down to see you. Keep that in mind when you start getting weak and want to be "friends" with your ex.

  • TopMove 2015-12-29 11:02:04

    The reason why women move on easier than men after the break up, completely apart from the fact that women have beta orbiter for their every finger and toe singing to them "Anything you want, you got it-Anything you need, you got it-Anything at all, you got it", is the reason that women tend to feel the pain instantly and cry their eyes off after break up. They do that for few weeks and then they've felt the pain and have moved on. Every women who has left me due to hypergamy/or getting bored after long time together has cried their eyes off (because they lose me out of their lifes as I dont stay around as a friendzone chump). Just like a little children who hit their toe to furniture, they cry for a minute and FEEL the pain, then after that they're happy as ever and playing again. Men do not do that after break up. Men bury their emotions and some stay wrecked for even 6 months or more. If you lost someone who you loved and cared a lot, I think its OK to go in your man cave and cry alone (yes, do it alone) and tuck your mouth to a pillow and scream your lungs out. That way you FEEL the pain and after that you're like "why was I sad again? I dont feel sad anymore". This is something that can also help with any kind of PTSD. Dont keep it inside. Try to get it out of your system and express the pain. If you get teared up while you think of her after the break up, let it all out when you're alone and do it as long time as you're still feeling like that. I can guarantee that if not faster, after 1-2 month you'll be as good as ever and moved on completely. I think this can help with any sort of loss in your life. People say that men shouldnt cry and due to this men bury their shit and get hung up longer than they should.

  • giulio 2016-01-02 06:51:59

    I broke up few months ago and I tried to win her back but failed, now I'm in no contact period. If she contacts me and we arrange a meeting, how can I be sure that she is not doing it to feeding her ego or to friendzone me? I don't want to see her and get reject again because she "sees me just as a friend" (aka she doesn't find me attractive anymore). Now I'm fucking other girls but I know that another rejection from her would hurt my ego and feelings for a long period.

  • Minister 2016-01-02 08:58:43

    Now I’m fucking other girls but I know that another rejection from her would hurt my ego and feelings for a long period.
    Then you invite her straight to your place, just like BD says. Or meet elsewhere, but you have to man up and be prepared even for a rejection scenario. I am, however, surprised that they don't delete you from facebook after a while.

  • giulio 2016-01-02 10:02:06

    @Minister I never mentioned Facebook. Anyway I deleted her account when she refused to take me back

  • Minister 2016-01-02 10:36:24

    I never mentioned Facebook. Anyway I deleted her account when she refused to take me back
    Now she is never coming back for sure.

  • giulio 2016-01-02 10:42:07

    @Minister Maybe I shouldn't have deleted her, but I don't think that making her jealous throw facebook would have been a good idea, because actually we broke up because I was careless about our relationship. or maybe you meant something else?

  • Minister 2016-01-02 11:06:37

    I didn't mean making her jealous through facebook, of course. The reason you broke up is irrelevant, as to the steps BlackDragon mentions. I meant that if you had a slight chance that she reaches you to come back in the future, now you blew it. Unless you phone/text or add her again, which I don't think it is a good idea.

  • Giulio 2016-01-02 19:28:04

    @Minister Ok, I understand. But why do you think facebook is so important? We still have whatsapp, phone number, emails etc to contact each other

  • JESUS 2016-01-03 12:25:20

    Hey Giulio, Start over... New year... New girl... New exciting life... Last thing you want is recycled 2015 trash in your life. Listen to all the precious advice given above to all the previous guys that went through what you just did. Listen to JESUS! 😉   Happy New Year to everyone on the BlackDragon board. May 2016 bring you all prosperity, beautiful ladies and other wonderful things!   JESUS

  • Anthony 2016-01-03 19:25:30

    Update: I am now going out with a chick who has her own place and her own car(a rarity in Korean culture). Unlike the ex, who lived at home with mommy and daddy, had a curfew, and had no car. Furthermore, after my break-up, I focused more on my studies and today I got back my grades for the 3rd semester. I got a 4.0 GPA and will be getting a 100% scholarship for my last semester of grad school. The two weeks I spent with my family over the Christmas holiday has recharged me and I'm ready to head back to Korea and kick ass(and tap some female assess too).

  • Marie 2016-01-06 10:43:48

    What happens if the GFriend dumped me, but is very smart and also reads this blog and doesn't take any small step to reconnect/contact me in 4 months time? Do I still try to contact her? I still want her back.

  • od_dude 2016-01-06 14:58:53

    @ Marie this is about being dumped. "I still want her back"  this is already a fail you dont get them back by wanted them, you get them back by making them think you dont want them or need them, how do you do this?  You ghost them, forget them, focus on new things, and meeting new women, if they come back bonus for you, and if not oh well, you've met new women by now. You will not ever, ever, ever, get them back by being friend zoned, pinning after them or begging, and worrying if they will come back wont change a thing. If your still in contact send them an non emotionally punishing email, " loved our time together, id do it again, sorry you feel this way,  blah blah blah " then be a ghost, delete them from your life, including Facebook, twitter etc, and focus on you. It doesn't matter if they read this, their emotions will still work the same way, in time if you were of worth they will contact you.

  • Calm 2016-01-06 17:35:00

    Marie, one can hope that if the gf is smart enough to read this she is also smart enough to actually "get it".  Not everyone does, I'm seeing a lot of men that don't.  Its about letting go of toxic nonsense, or things you just aren't cool with.  If she is smart enough she will realize that yeah if you contact her, and she isn't interested, then you're wasting your time.  If she decides she is interested she will contact you.  Otherwise let it go.  NC puts the ball in their court.  They can either play ball with you, or take it somewhere else.  Up to them, not up to you.

  • Minister 2016-01-11 03:27:30

    If she doesn't accept the invitation to your place, but insists you meet outdoors, what do you do?

  • hey hey 2016-01-11 08:47:20

    Well you tell her that you are not interested. You tell her again she can come by cook something together etc. If she rejects the offer again, then you tell her ok if you change your mind let me know. Have a good day. Bye. The problem here is that you guys don't understand that SHE must work her butt to come to you not the other way around. You should sound relaxed, confident and outcome independent. You don't want a date, you want sex and you should show her(not tell her) that is that or nothing.

  • Minister 2016-01-11 10:34:10

    [blockquote]The problem here is that you guys don’t understand that SHE must work her butt to come to you not the other way around. You should sound relaxed, confident and outcome independent. You don’t want a date, you want sex and you should show her(not tell her) that is that or nothing[/blockquote] Yeah, I get that, but there is a reason why we go on dates and we don't invite girls straight home, which is called social conditioning. Is it impossible that you fuck her after you go on a date with her, instead of inviting to your place, spiking ASD?

  • od_dude 2016-01-11 11:26:10

    @ Minister

    If she doesn’t accept the invitation to your place, but insists you meet outdoors, what do you do?
    Girls are all different, you should be able to read her if you've been with her a while. If she wants to meet and its been some time, it fine to meet at a pub or somewhere relaxed, if she willing to meet this is a good thing, but during that meet you can be relaxed and outcome independent, but also you need to create a situation where this can be escalated, agree to meet some where more private or a more intimate date somewhere next meet, you'll want to do this soon, what you dont want is to have multiple dates and endless texting or phone conversation. All women are different, some are willing to jump in and get laid others might need a little time to feel relaxed again around you, assess your situation, you'll know if they are willing to escalate, subtly flirt and see where her reaction go, if she just wants friend ship make your self scarce, quickly.

  • hey hey 2016-01-11 11:32:18

    We are talking here about a woman you were having sex before and dumped you. Not a woman you met the first time. You are past the dates. Whether you contact her after the 4+ months or she contacts you the rule is that your EFA should spell sex and nothing else. If you take her on a date then she gets the upper hand, screws your EFA and she might put you on friend zone. The date is at your place, which means "non-verbally" sex. She knows that and if she agrees it is like "ok let's fuck". If not she is not ready to come back to you. No problem for you though as you supposedly have other women to fuck. This is the mindset you should have.

  • hey hey 2016-01-11 11:46:49

    od_dude: If the woman wants a date and not accepting your invitation home it means you didn't "train" her well the first time, your EFA was totally wrong and you gave the impression of a man who she can play around with. Your suggestion is wrong. Women are women if you train them correctly. She knows by now that if she contacts you after dumping you that there is no middle ground for you(which means not beating around the bush). She even knows THAT even if you contact her. So as the post above suggests, if she doesn't agree then you terminate the conversation and reset the timer. For me you can take a milder approach as I said above, again it doesn't show neediness or dependence, you just throw the ball into her court. She might feel the need to see you right there and then say ok I'll come.

  • Smith 2016-01-11 19:38:40

    Me and my ex broke up back in June kept talking till she cut me off cause she found someone else. It's been about 2 months since she has told me to stay out of her life. I haven't made any contact ! She moved to Canada with the new guy then around Christmas they broke it off and she moved back home. I still have her on my snap chat account and revert since she has been back on it she has been looking at all my stories, I'm always posting positive things and me having fun with my buddies, she jumped into a relationship right after us and today she decides to send me a message on the app and it's her dissing me saying "I just realized how much of a weirdo you are" after 3 weeks of looking at my snap story. Couldn't she have just deleted me when she say me still on her snap chat ? Of course she could have. My question is why is she comin at me like that ? Why not just ignore me why waist her time you know ??? I replied and we went back and forth a little but it's was her consistently trying to be rude and. I was just being cool about everything. I finally caught her in a little lie and she hasn't responded yet and I don't plan to reply till she hits me up again and I'm going to keep posting on my story because back then I was 235 of fat! Now I'm 180 of muscle and I'm really improving, when I was with her I was a kinda a loser and didn't have anything going for me but I'm a completely different person now.. Am I in a good position ??

  • Calm 2016-01-11 20:12:03

    @Smith If you're worried about what kind of position you are in with her, then you're not in the right position.  When you don't care what she thinks anymore you'll have your head straight.  As far as the being insulting...  My ex is friends with a lot of the same people as I am on Facebook.  I don't get on there much, but when I do she always takes the opportunity to make not so subtle digs at me.  Personally I find it funny, you should too.  Why do they do it?  An attempt to cut you down to size.

  • Smith 2016-01-11 20:23:35

    @calm Yeah I feel you and I don't at this point cause I know where I stand, I'm doing very well for myself and I'm in a good place myself ! I'm goin to keep doing me and let her come to me I'm not in a rush, I know for a fact that she's just trying to bring me down cause she isn't doing well and wants someone to feel as she dose cause like I said she sees me doing good and maybe feels stupid for jumpin I to another relationship after me and her. Sucks to suckkkk hahahaha

  • Whitedragon 2016-01-13 07:43:37

    @Rob I wrote this on September 30: The fact is simple:  unless you committed some heinous, unforgivable act towards her you will eventually be remembered positively by your Boomerang.  If she is a) currently not in a committed relationship, b) seeking some companionship AND c) you creep back into her mind (by your doing, her doing, or by happenstance) she will come back!  Astonishing. Update:  last Monday night, I was at the gym minding my own business when my boss called me.  I felt sure that it was a butt-dial, but I picked up and she was as sweet as ever - just like she had been nine months before, the day before she dumped me.  An hour later, I was at her house and then I spent the night.  We've seen each other six times since then - and have been calling, texting, etc. at the same rate as before. I have no idea why she reappeared but I am astonished that it happened exactly the way that Black Dragon's advice suggested it would.  For the record, she a) is currently not in a committed relationship, b) is clearly seeking some companionship AND c) I clearly crept back into her mind.  Bottom line:  Boomerangs happen.  Stay strong, remain confident, end things graciously, ... and wait.

  • giulio 2016-01-13 09:06:01

    During the relationship I always behaved correctly like an alpha 2.0. But after our break up, that happened for mutual decision, I became too emotional. I tried to get her back and I made a lot of mistakes (I insisted too much, I cried once). I'm fucking other women right now so I don't have a scarcity mentality but I still want her to come back. I'm not sure about the right strategy to use now, the boomerang effect works when you leave a last good impression. So should I contact and date her in as an independent man like I used to be when we were together (to leave a good memory and impression) or I should keep with the no contact period (now it has been 20 days)?

  • Martin 2016-01-13 09:23:52

    That's so money Whitedragon. That's exactly whats going to happen. Old salt makes em thirsty, eventually. We humans wont ever forget our previous lovers whom we had bond with, old lovers will creep into our minds randomly and we'll want to have that taste again. That's just how we people are, no matter if we're male or female. The only clause is that you just have to end things with love not hate and leave the door open and do not accept anything else than romance (means no staying in the friend-zone) and you're good to go. If you brought value to the table on your previous rounds together, the boomerang will happen someday when they're not in a commited relationship and they're looking for company. Who cares when it happens, you dont have control over that. Just enjoy life & smile, you're good.

  • Martin 2016-01-13 09:32:59

    @Giulio Definitely keep up with the no contact. RealTalk said "When you start losing the girl, or losing your hand at the poker table – You don’t double down. I.e. you don’t try to challenge or convince a girl otherwise when she’s losing/lost interest. You don’t stay and beg and try and win again. You walk…" You do exactly that. "the boomerang effect works when you leave a last good impression" that is not the case because after long time apart they will see everything through rose colored glasses, they'll remember mainly the things why they liked you. When the break up is fresh they remember the negative parts of you which lead to break up, thats why you definitely do not contact her. Let her contact you 100% and when she does, tell her you'd like to see her and set the date.

  • giulio 2016-01-13 09:57:22

    @Martin Thank you Martin, I will follow your advice no matter what. If I casually meet her somewhere (we have friends in common so it can happen) how should I behave? Consider that she has always been nice to me, even after the break up. If the interaction is good should I ask her to go out or should I always wait her to contact me first?

  • jasonyoung 2016-01-13 14:45:43

    My ex texted me last night after 5 mos of no contact she asked me to call her and I didn't know who she was since I deleted her number. She sent me a picture of both of us. So I asked if everything was ok and she said she is calling to co market wth me because her boss told her to contact me. I said you didn't need to call since I always refer my business to your company, but she insisted on meeting for coffee so we did today. She was saying she hated the way we broke up and how I was amazing and we had miscommunication. I told her that breaking up with me was the best thing she could ever have done for me. We talked for awhile not about work but just talked. Didn't get chance to hook up with her since she wanted to meet at coffee. But I will wait until she texts or calls again to set that up.

  • Martin 2016-01-14 00:32:45

    @giulio If you see her of course you should acknowledge her and say hi or wave. But still do not chase or go after her when you see her, just let her come to you. When she comes and strikes conversation, you can be like usual flirt and stuff and then tell her that "I'd love to hangout sometime, when are you free to get together? I'm cooking dinner thursday evening come join me" or something like that. You need to get 1 on 1 with her in the evening, so that sex can happen. Dont hang excessively with her with friends. Act like a lover would act, not like a friend would act. Friends hang with groups, lovers are alone in the house 1 on 1. If she denies the evening hangout together, just say "okey call me if you change your mind". If she tries to pull the friend card, just say that you care about her but you cannot be just friends with her and that you want her sexually, can be friends with benefits sure.   @jasonyoung This is so obvious, she wants you again and you just must not talk yourself out of having sex with her. This is in the bag. In future only set dates/meetings in the evening time. Evening meetings can result in sex. No lunches or coffee dates. Never. When she contacts you dont be a cold fish, say I'd like to see you and ask when shes free to get together for drinks or to make dinner at your place. Boom. Always act like a lover not a friend. Same advice as for giulio.

  • jasonyoung 2016-01-14 16:06:34

    I am but now I'm helping her get into meet with a large physicians group. I set it up and she's very friendly now. Unlike before. I don't know when I can ask her out since we are only discussing work. Her: good morning Jason, that would be awesome! I am open we'd, Thursday, and Friday. Thank you so much. Me: I told her your schedule and she said she will let you know when they are available. Her : yes that's great 😉 Me: cool, you can order tacos from encricos. They love Mexican food. Her: yum. Sounds good. Should I call her now? Me: it is delicious, but I'll see her tomorrow and I'll confirm date for you. Her: thank you. So when is my chance to bring up date?

  • Martin 2016-01-15 05:00:30

    In my opinion phone is strictly for setting dates. You do not want to waste time chit-chatting on the phone. You shouldnt give out information via phone, because when you do that she doesnt have any reason to even meet you and get to together face to face. Think about it. You cannot have sex with her through phone. You use phone to get a meet up and thats when sex can happen. Dont give out too much information through phone. She's your ex, you were together and had a bond, you were inside her. You're over analyzing why you couldnt ask her to hangout. I mean c'mon man, shes not a stranger. You dont have to make a "date" with her, just use the phone to get face to face. When she contacts you next time and asks about anything, then you say: "Yea we can talk about that when we see, I'm free next week, how about monday evening, dinner at my place? And lets catch up, its been a long time". Phone is for setting dates, not giving out information. It's a means to get closer to her so that sex can happen. When you give out information via phone she doesnt even have to see you and sex wont happen either. In my opinion you chit chatted too much without getting to the point. You're just simply friendly to her, but it seems like you're platonic and kinda cold fish, you're not doing anything to set a meet up even though shes contacting you. I might be wrong but thats just my take on it. Next time use phone for the one thing which its meant to be used. If it crashes when you try to set a meet up, then at least you saved some time and dont have to use energy towards that anymore. It's not your goal to be her friend-zone orbiter. You want to be her lover, so act like one. Lover sets a meet up so that you two can get closer and then you'll have sex, orbiter just chit chats on the phone dithering around. Your call.

  • jasonyoung 2016-01-16 08:00:51

    Martin, Thanks for your response. That conversation was through text. She text yesterday and we texted a bit. Her sending me funny YouTube videos. So I asked her when she was free next week to catch up? And she responded "idk, we'll figure it out. Good night"

  • Martin 2016-01-17 04:17:33

    I'd respond that "okey hit me up when you figure out your schedule" and then leave it at that and let her initiate contacting 100%. Dont get impatient, it might take even few weeks. If you get impatient she'll never hop in bed with you, theres no rush in this life. If she wants to see you she will eventually make the time for it. If she doesnt then she doesnt. You gotta accept that. This shit is easy. You just gotta find those who want to be with you. They make things easy. What's the point running after people who dont want you? Reward those people who are dying to be with you. In the end this dating is so easy. Just continue hitting up new girls until you find those who arent like "meh" when you try to set a date. When the girl is into you, the doors start to open up. Find those girls and you wont have to use mental energy to these girls who are like "meh" about you. And when you drop those meh girls and dont chase after them, they'll suddenly start chasing you. Because it shows self-respect when you dont chase after someone who doesnt want you, and their minds change after that. 99% of men are pussies who just chase chase chase and they'll be like wtf when you dont. Have some abundance mentality and realize that if it doesnt work out with this there's new bus coming in every 15 minutes. It sets you free, man.

  • Jasonyoung 2016-01-17 22:46:49

    @martin I asked if she wanted to meet me for dinner Tuesday night and sent me a text " I can meet you Tuesday during the day but not at night" Should I counter or take Lunch?

  • Al 2016-01-18 00:05:16

    Lunch = friend zone and loss of power. Just text her to get in touch when she is free one evening. then go silent.

  • Martin 2016-01-18 00:50:47

    No lunches. No point to meet day time, it cannot escalate to sex. Exactly like Al said its friend zone stuff. If she cant meet you evening time its time to cut your losses and give her the gift of missing you. You get what you negotiate. You state what you want and if she doesnt co-operate then you walk away and never look back. She'll be back when she is available again or starts to miss you. You stand for yourself and only see her with your terms. She will submit to that or she wont. If you want to see her as a lover you must do this. The longer you interact with her in terms of friendship, the more likely it is that you'll never have sex with her. Like BD said in this threads comments: no matter how beta you were with her, you have better odds to get her back by ignoring her / staying out of friend zone than staying as a orbiter. Remember that. If you want to be inside her again someday in future, take the better odds (obviously). You can even verbalize what you want. You can be her lover, friend with benefits, but you just cannot be with her as just friends because you want her. Thats your choice, this actually might make it better for you in my opinion. At least in future she wont  come back to try be your friend, if she comes back she comes back as a lover and wont waste your time. And some (most) women love that ballsy man who just says what he wants from her and doesnt stay around dithering and pretending to be a "friend" - thats what 99% of men do. Fuck that. Women like men who know what they want and are unapologetic about it. This way you either win or win.

  • Minister 2016-01-18 01:40:32

    Why do women try to friendzone someone they like, really? I assume they agree to go out with you one-on-one, because they like you, right? It doesn't make any sense. And I am not talking only about exes, but first dates as well, where the girl wants to change time and location of the date with a 'friendzoning' option.

  • Jasonyoung 2016-01-18 06:31:58

    I texted her back and told her I'm busy and she changes her mind to call

  • Tony 2016-01-20 18:44:32

    So I was dating a girl I work with, I know big mistake from the start, and we split up and in the end I found out she's with another guy from work. I work in the

  • Tony 2016-01-20 18:47:42

    Last post went too quick dammit! Haha! I work in the office and she's on the floor. Different departments but I still see her everyday. It's been about 2 weeks and neither one of us shows any interest in one another and we don't even say good morning to each other. I'm okay with the NC rule buttering to figure out how I am supposed to be at work...at least civil / social or just continue ignoring her and pretend I am absolutely fine?

  • Martin 2016-01-21 03:43:12

    Tony why you should pretend anything? I think all these kind of questions / situations come from being bad at negotiation. I myself hate drama. That's why I'm honest. Dont fucking pretend anything. Tell the truth. If you want her back then tell her the truth that you care about her and you would like to see her in your bed again. But you cannot be friends with her because you want her. All this shit aint a strategy to get her back, its the fucking truth. Women appreciate man who tells the truth straight up and is direct about it. Tony I think you shouldnt do anything, she is with another man and if she ever comes to you or contacts you personally, tell her that you care about her and liked your time together and you'd like to see her romantically again, basically tell what you want from her (which is romance). She probably refuses if shes with another man, then just say "get in touch if that thing changes". Get better in negotiation and negotiate what you want, then walk away and never look back. Tony obviously in future do not shit where you eat, exactly for this reason because when it ends you are in this sucky situation and you cant even do no contact and disappear from her life. She sees you everyday and its almost impossible for her to start miss you like crazy. When she comes to you tell her what you want and be done with it, chalk it up as experience and maybe just maybe she'll be back someday when shes available. When she's single and horny she'll remember how "that guy wanted me" (because you told her that and didnt hide it) and she'll hit you up.

  • Luis 2016-01-21 11:14:48

    Guys, Am in a wierd siutation. I fell in love witha married colleague...I know is wrong , but we started as friends and finaly fellin love. Her partner cheated on her and she got my sympathy and then fell in love. Her partner find out and threatened me twice, but we kept in touch. We kissed always but no sex, maybe foreplay a few times. She was always saying she cant leave him and i need to mvoe on. When i stop talking, she use to come back. So finally i proposed her with a real ring (Dum me) and said come with me, i will keep you happy instead of being unhappy with your husband. She refused and we stopped talking. She mentioned that i broke her heart by proposing her twice (i asked her last year with a promise ring too). Later i found out she was talking behind my back making fun of me with her friends etc. So i confessed her and told her if you talk bad, i will talk bad too with pictures and proof. Then it got nasty and i said dont worry i wont hurt you. In the mean time i saw her flirting with another guy (she was flirting even before we brokeup)...so i finally confessed too and said you will feel hte same hurt and pain some day and walked away. Even thought i walked away my heart is killing me and waiting to hear back from her....she blocked me in all messenger, fb everything. She has me only in Whatsapp coz she is scared i will tell something to someone..so she is watching me. Yesterday she saw me in the lunchroom and i was facing the wall. she saw my back and immediately made a uturn and left.. Since we work together i meet her everyday... what to do? how can i get her back? is she missing me at all? or i have been played big time? Please advice.

  • SJ 2016-01-21 15:53:00

    @ Luis Dude, FORGET HER. You haven't even had sex with her. The advice here assumes you've established that bond. And rings, promise rings and whatever? Huge mistake. Learn from this one. Start working out hard. Set up an online dating account and start dating multiple women. Do whatever you need to to FORGET THIS CHICK. If you see her around work, be polite. But cut things short and be on your way.

  • Luis 2016-01-21 17:06:30

    In fact she asked for no contacts and it broke my heart. I see her everyday and in fact today we crossed each other...i just turned away.. But i love this women...not sure what to do? am dating 2 gals now ...but my heart is with the married one. Luis .

  • Martin 2016-01-22 09:56:18

    "how can i get her back?" Move on. That gives you the highest chance to get her back. That might sound weird but its true. Women are predictable. They dont want the chaser, they want to be the chaser. Turn the tables by acting like she doesnt even exist. Yes be polite when you see her but just move on and maybe in 2-4 months she'll contact you and miss you a lot. That's how women are. They dont want that available nice guy who gives her "promise rings". They want that guy who has options and isnt all about just her. Never contact her first, never initiate with her, soon she'll start to wonder what happened to you. You used to be chasing after her and now nothing! Maybe you were a catch after all, maybe you're with other women. That's what shes thinking. And then she wants that power back and starts to chase you. Then set the date, act like a lover and seal the deal. If she denies say call me if you change your mind. Be patient. Do this and I will guarantee you have the highest odds to get her back. Simple. Hit the gym tomorrow and start eating fucking healthy, dont drink alcohol for the next month. You'll get better and when she comes back you'll be so busy with other women that you wonder should you even bother with her. Really, after all shes married. Rejection breeded obsession in you. You should want single available women who would love to be with you, not someone who is married to another man and who doesnt want to be with you! Take the time to heal and you'll understand this.

  • Martin 2016-01-22 10:11:03

    And Luis I wouldnt turn around when I see her. Do not act like you're crushed when shes clearly not. Be unphased, after all you have other girls anyway. Dont go crying after her, that just makes you weak and she'll know that she made the right choice. Be strong. If she comes to you and starts to cry and say that she misses you, then you can reciprocate that you too miss her and want to see her. Act normal, smirk when you see her. Dont act weird in a butt hurt way. Dont say that love word to her ever again, only if she says it first. Make your feelings unclear. Bet you she'll start to chase you man. I know this is hard to follow, but trust me this is your best bet. Be strong.

  • Jasonyoung 2016-01-22 16:59:07

    @martin I got a missed call from her. I texted her later and asked if she called? She replied yes earlier. I asked if she needed something and she said can I call you? So she called. Told me about this scam call she got and how scared she was and asked about if I ever cook her rice recipe. She didn't need anything so I ended call early. Was very pleasant with her, asked if she wanted to meet up and she said she's been sick and been on antibiotics.I will wait for her to call again. When she does do I pitch again or not?

  • Klauss 2016-01-22 17:25:51

    Hey guys I wanted to make another post here. I thought alot about this subject and im speaking about own experience here what the best way to go I will give out the hints of my own experience and from reading posts here: Breakup happens, be as little drama/punishing as possible say that you understand where shes coming from and accept its over and move on. Dont delete from social media (I made this mistake, will get back to that later), try not change anything and just simply move on and pretend that she died and its all over. If you see her out if its a smaller city, wave and smile and just walk by, dont interact in any type of conversation unless she brings it up. Something I wonder about is that I get the feeling women (exs) wants to break you mentally aswell, they want to win the game and show they have a better life and that they made the right decision. Your job here is to make her doubt her decision and be the man and for her to realise that she did wrong and come back into your arms. In order to be this guy, you need to be STRONG, unfortunately I wasnt and its not until now many months later I can finally see and think clear. My ex is with another guy, I saw photos of them travelling together and I blocked her facebook around NYE. I didnt want to know what shes up to and it fucked up my mind, however the best way to go I think now afterwards is to keep her there, unfollow her and hide her posts and if possible block her page via an "adblocker" or googles own link block functionality so you are still friends and she can see your page. I am starting to regret it now that I blocked her, it shows that im butthurt and I added some drama to it which was unnecessary, I boomeranged my ex many times in the past but then she didnt have a serious boyfriend which she does now. She was my oneitis and I still see her around since its a small town so it fucked me up alot. I am finally doing ok now though, I took my current girl on vacation for 10 days to a paradise island and I realise now that im being an idiot for longing over my oneitis ex, shes just another girl and the main reason I was so obsessed was the lack of options for the same high quality girl. My goal at the moment is to focus on myself, I want to improve myself and get to a point in life where I can live the life I want with women who respects and care about me and that I feel emotionally involved and happy with. At the moment im almost there, but I dont feel that special feeling with my current girl, even though I like her and thats a main problem. I just have an question, I am thinking of readding my ex girl in 1-2 months in order to keep it as dramafree as possible. I wont contact her or anything, if she asks I will just say I was bitter to delete her and that she was a part of my past and I wouldnt mind having her on social media. I would love to boomerang her but as for now I accepted its over and im moving on. But I just want to make sure, am I stupid for trying to readd her? will that just boost her ego and friendzone me hardtime? She didnt react when I blocked her and I dont really care about that its pretty clear its over for now im just thinking about the future boomerang and the fact that if I live my life to the fullest and workout etc she will see this and maybe at some point she will reach out. Social media plays huge importance today and its important for us to stay STRONG and not obsess over her which I did. I know at the end of the day it doesnt matter what she thinks, but I want to live my life to the fullest and keep as many boomerang options as possible for the future, life is still a long journey ahead :). Thanks    

  • Anthony 2016-01-23 00:00:10

    More to Martin points....HIT THE FUCKING GYM LUIS. I've lost 12 kilograms since my break-up. Other chicks(younger chicks) from school noticed the weight loss and asked me out. Rocky 4 soundtrack and the will of steel is all you need.  Understand one thing, women are not strong, mentally or physically. You belong to superior sex, start acting like it.

  • Luis 2016-01-23 00:05:55

    @anthony and martin.....thanks for your reply . I go to the gym everyday for last 5 years and in great shape....i am getting lots of gals but she is in my heart and fuckin hard to move on....i work with her in the same team and we have to see each other everyday.....even today we sae each other i just turn away

  • Anthony 2016-01-23 00:14:24

    Klauss, I blocked my ex on FB and I am not concerned with how she views it. She's not in my life anymore so she doesn't need to see what I'm posting. If anything, taking social media away raises the bar for the ex to get in touch(they know your email). You have to go completely ghost on the ex and make them work to get back in your life. The ex wanted to end things, therefore, you give them exactly what they wanted and keep going forward.

  • Craig 2016-01-23 00:45:17

    @Anthony I came just in time lol ok so this is the deal. I've been with my girl for Seven Years so yeah long term relationship. I cheated on her the first year into the relationship slept with a women who I knew before my current girlfriend of seven years and well "what goes around comes around" and it finally came around. She cheated but slept around 3 times with the guy. My experience was a one night stand anyways. I'm on third week of no contact. I'm going for 3 months What my concern is whats going on with her emotionally. and whats the process for them to feel remorseful. I confessed my infidelity with her situation it was more of an affair. I had to investigate. She went from I miss you to fine don't answer my calls to I find it funny you only wanted sex from me after that you stopped talking to me. It's strange to me because I'm new to this no contact and Women man emotions emotions What I'm basically asking for is like a Guide of what to expect.

  • Anthony 2016-01-23 02:29:44

    @Craig (very long sighs) Your situation sounds far more complicated than what I went through. I'm approaching 3 months of NC and using it to focus on myself. It's amazing how much weight you lose when you don't have a girlfriend wanting you to go out to eat 3-4 times a week. After seven years, it sounds like this relationship has run its course. You both cheated on each other so obviously the trust is gone(as if females are even trustworthy to begin with). In your case, NC is to move on and meet new ladies, not make her miss you to get her back. Seven years is a long time and some couples even marry by then, but you already know what BD feels about getting married so it's a non-issue.

  • Anthony 2016-01-23 03:08:54

    @Luis, Damn dude, you work with her. That is a WHOLE DIFFERENT BALLGAME. That only means you'll have to be even more mentally strong. I can't speak on that because I have never had to be employed with an ex. Just hang tough brother.

  • Martin 2016-01-23 08:53:31

    @jasonyoung "I will wait for her to call again. When she does do I pitch again or not?" Yes of course. Say "it would be nice to see you, when are you free to get together?". Always assume she wants to see you and make a date when she contacts you. Dont insist on any day just ask when shes free and then choose the day and time based on what she says. Set date in the evening. She might not instantly say yes, she might be making contact just to see are you interested in her still, to line you up because things arent working with their current guy. That's why show your interest that you'd like to meet, then she makes excuse and she starts to scheme around and ditches her guy, it might take weeks or even months and then she contacts you again and then she'll say yes to a date. They line you up this way. Dont take the first contact as instant indication of meet up but still try to set a date so that she knows you want her still, after that it might take few weeks for her to get to a place where shes ditched the old fling. So many guys act like cold fish and not interested when their ex contacts them, they just assume that you're not interested and they stop forward movement. Always try to set the date when they contact you.

  • Martin 2016-01-23 09:12:59

    @jasonyoung "and asked about if I ever cook her rice recipe" Oh thats a opportunity to say that you'd like to cook it with her, why dont you come over my place next thursday and lets have a dinner. And ask her to bring a wine bottle with them. Those kind of questions are often subtle ways from women to try you to make a date. Thats the reason why they contact you usually, just so you would have balls to set a date. They're not gonna ask for it. They're looking to bond with you and receive you, and you as a man take action and make it happen. Then you penetrate her. You cant penetrate her through phone. They dont contact you just to chit chat on phone. Take that attitude.

  • Jasonyoung 2016-01-23 14:00:32

    @martin I didn't ask about that since she was sick but next time she calls I will invite her again.

  • KarenL 2016-01-23 14:25:40

    It's possible this has been touched on in the 600 comments above but thought i'd try my luck especially since there are so many men here. I'd been seeing this guy for a bit, things were seemingly going great .. always fun .. great sex .. no pressure and out of nowhere he tells me he just got out of a serious relationship .. isn't emotionally available and needed to figure things out. I handled it (even without reading this blog) in the way the author suggested, agreeable and understanding .. and haven't contacted him since..it's been 3 weeks. I've been going out, doing my thing, enjoying life, meeting people and he's even been liking my stuff on face book and instagram (I still haven't engaged with him.) So I guess I just wondered if you all thought the no contact strategy works on men too? In any capacity, do you think it affects men the same way it affects us?

  • od_dude 2016-01-25 19:50:08

    @ KarenL   your doing the right thing, continue to ignore and don't respond to him liking or commenting on anything on FB, that's a game, and he wants to see if you'll pay attention and if it gets annoying id remove him your social feeds, the fact he's liking could be he's could be still thinking of you, but he needs time to miss you now.  Continue to ghost him, if he values you and the sex was good, almost any man will come back, if he doesn't come back please continue to be fun, no pressure and give good sex to other good guys, I guarantee one of them will value it.    No contact strategy works on people because our basic phycology is the same,  if he did the dumping you now demonstrate you'd like him in your life but you don't need him. good luck good luck

  • Mathew 2016-01-30 23:46:14

    Ok everyone check me out this is the situation. I've been with my ex for six years. She had an affair that lasted a year and a half. She went behind my back and betrayed me. We were to the point of being engaged just never made the step anyways I've been doing no contact. I got calls emails and everything but what just got me is a call followed by a text. "PLEASE ANSWER IT'S AN EMERGENCY!" I'm just at the beginning of month 2 of no contact. What do you do in these so called emergency situations? She could really be dying like in some horror movie. Should have kept her fuckin legs closed. Need advice

  • Dawson Stone 2016-01-31 07:12:00

    I'll bet you $1,000 that her "emergency" is French for "stop ignoring me." Don't do it. When a women is being ignored I've seen it all. Just a few examples: - my dog died - my cat died - I lost my job - my aunt I hardly knew died - I had a fight with a friend - my new bf just dumped me - I've gotten back some bad test results Her emergency will either be no emergency or a lie. I've had at least 3 girls use the "bad test results" one only to respond and then have them say "sorry but you were ignoring me and I didn't know what to do." Don't be a pussy. Her emergency isn't your emergency anyway but trust me there's no emergency.

  • Mathew 2016-01-31 16:43:09

    @Dawson Stone Hell yea I didn't give in. Men unlike women would explain the details of the emergency. Leave a voicemail with sirens and sounds in the background of a real emergency. I didn't fall for it. When its a real emergency you explain the situation: "MATHEW HELP LISTEN I FUCKED UP OK OK LET ME EXPLAIN! I FUCKED UP AND I THOUGHT THIS NEW GUY WOULD BE A BETTER FIT FOR ME BUT HE IS NOT RIGHT! HE HAS A GUN AT MY HEAD AND I AM SO SCARED. CAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME."   Hahahaha now thats a real emergency...............Whelp shouldn't have cheated Toodles!

  • Martin 2016-02-01 00:03:13

    Well Mathew, what you want from her? You didnt tell that. You want her back in your sex life or nothing to do with her? If  its the first then I see no reason to ignore her when she contacts you. Women who want you will give up if you ignore them. If I'd want her as fwb or something, of fucking course I'd respond and try to set a date for sex to happen. You didnt explain what you want so its kinda hard to answer your question. If you want her, answer her and tell her what you want... which is to come at your place and then you'll escalate to sex. If she denies that then just say contact me if you change your mind. I want to be your lover not a friend, if you dont want to see me as a lover then I dont see any reason for us to be talking. Easy. Done. In life you get what you negotiate, state what you want and be willing to walk away after that. Thats the strongest negotiation position in any human interaction. But most manginas are afraid to say what they want, and hell they surely wont be walking away. Be a different man.

  • Jasonyoung 2016-02-01 11:38:07

    @martin So she contacted me few times last week and she knew I was at the same hospital she was at. She came down to see me. That was on Thursday, i had to leave to see a patient. After I texted her to see when she was free to get together and she has not responded. I haven't heard from since Thursday. It's hot and cold.

  • Klauss 2016-02-01 14:34:43

    @ Anthony "Klauss, I blocked my ex on FB and I am not concerned with how she views it. She’s not in my life anymore so she doesn’t need to see what I’m posting. If anything, taking social media away raises the bar for the ex to get in touch(they know your email). You have to go completely ghost on the ex and make them work to get back in your life. The ex wanted to end things, therefore, you give them exactly what they wanted and keep going forward."   I had the same approach but looking back im not sure if its the right thing to do, I mean if we were completely indiffrent we simply would not give a fuck and just leave social media open, move on and not care at all. Its true that removing social media raises the bar for her to contact us but it can also be used to our advantage if we live the life we always wanted to and dont give a fuck about what we post there and what she thinks about it. Blocking her shows we are affected by her decision and it also helps her to move on from us. I guess it depends how many years you were together and how the relationship was with your ex. But if you were AFC like me I dont think blocking is a good idea when I think about it. For me I am working on removing my oneitis and move on but its really difficult, she lives nextdoor basically and I see her at the gym sometimes. I realise in the end what its all about its me, I need to get myself to the next level where I simply dont give a fuck about anything. I think this is what makes Blackdragon/Dawson stone so succesful, they simply accept the breakup no drama and move on without any reaction, as if nothing happened. Im still too young/beta I guess to not be affected at all, the girl I was seeing was someone that wanted a future with me, she was talking about kids etc and now shes with someone else and she dont even look at me basically when I see her out. I tried be polite and say hi and ask how she is etc but she basically dont care anymore so I went ahead and blocked her from social media and shes completely dead to me now. But this is also a way of me showing emotion and creating drama which in the end reduces boomerang rate. Unfortunately I have been AFC and I think my boomerang % rate on this ex is very low at the moment but it doesnt matter. I want to improve myself and reach a point where im alpha 2.0, and im just thinking in general for boomeranging hot women, dont show any emotion when they break up, accept and live your life as if they werent there but dont do any reaction, no social media removal, no ignoring, no nothing. If they reach out invite directly for sex, they need to know what the deal is about and if they make it problematic just keep ignoring and live your life. Its obviously much easier said than done, I blocked my ex on facebook now for 2 months and I saw her today at the gym and it feels really strange we dont even say hi, I dont know if she saw me I tried giving eye contact to wave hi but she pretended I was not there. My game plan at the moment is to live my life and focus on myself, I am seeing a girl at the moment but I will most likely break up with her since I dont feel that amazing NRE bliss with her and we dont click on the sexual level either, my ex was a "bitch" and my current girl is more normal and I guess thats also something im constantly comparing and missing. I know im taking this social media thing too far, and its because deep down im still a bit needy/caring and I analyse small actions too much, but I want to understand which mentality I should have for the future moving on. For you guys that deleted ex girlfriends or ex lovers/FBs or whatever on social media, did you ever add them back after a while and see what happened? I will leave things as it is for now, but I think for next time better not block her (you can still unfollow and add google chrome blocker) and be completely unaffected no matter how difficult the breakup was. I had a chance to boomerang my ex already but I screwed it up by being too caring/serious and I pushed her into the arm of her new lover. I dont want to know what shes up to but same time I still miss her and think about her which fucks my head completely. When I dont see her its ok, but when she lives basically next door and I keep seeing her around it fucks me up because it reminds me of my AFC past and the fact we could have had a future together. I dont understand how some women can go from loving to basically not giving a fuck at all, but I need to understand that its over and she has no obligation to me anymore, its just another girl and sometimes we have to accept the way things are. Anyway sorry for a long post, had to clear my head a bit. Best regards

  • SJ 2016-02-01 15:23:47

    @ Klauss Whether to delete social media, block IM, block phone numbers, etc. is all debatable. You see some advocating that you should and others arguing that deleting further makes you look weak. Personally, I don't delete anyone, but what I do or anyone else does doesn't matter. If you think you have the discipline and self control to continue to move on, improve yourself, and meet new women, all while keeping those connections live, then perfecto. If you're sitting around creeping her FB page, then you're definitely better off deleting, regardless how it makes you look. Who cares how it makes you look? Your goal is to improve yourself, and a true alpha doesn't care what others will think. Your goal is to MOVE ON from this person ASAP. Focus on what gets you there.

  • Klauss 2016-02-01 17:06:16

    @ SJ Yeah I know, you are absolutely right. I try not to care at all, but its interesting to know what the optimal way of handling things are, its not easy controlling my emotions and force myself to realise its just chemicals fucking with my brain. Removing her from social media has helped me in the progress of moving on, for myself. But most probably its not the best thing to do in terms of boomeranging, in theory (that is if I have perfect self control, no beta whatsoever which is my goal). But in the end I guess its not that big diffrence, lets say if my odds were 55% before its now 40% because social media is really powerful these days. I started posting pictures of my current girl and me on a trip to a paradise island and tons of girls I used to hook up with started liking the pictures and I even met an ex FB at the gym who started asking who the girl I was seeing is etc. It really worked to my favour but these are women I completely forgot and moved on from, but just saying how powerful the effect was. Either way, im slowly moving on I already feel better than when I posted here a month ago and im going to the gym 6 times/week now so im starting to get back into the shape I was when I was in my prime days and that makes HUGE diffrence in every way when it comes to moving on and being happy and confident :).    

  • Anthony 2016-02-01 21:29:52

    Klauss, I'm not concerned about helping her move on. Quite frankly, the further she moves, the more money I save and the more weight I lose. She's someone else's problem now.

  • Martin 2016-02-01 23:17:48

    @Klauss "Unfortunately I have been AFC and I think my boomerang % rate on this ex is very low at the moment but it doesnt matter." All this shit doesnt really matter, no matter how beta you were or how AFC you were, after long time she'll see you through rose colored glasses. She will remember the best things about you. And one day when you pop into her mind from some movie, reading your old messages, some restaurant you went to, some recipe you cooked together, she will contact you. Old salt will make her thirsty. Some day. When my love of 3 years wanted to break up with me, I couldnt handle my emotions, I didnt take it well, ended up crying in front of her, we both cried because it was obvious this is goodbye time. She swore that she will NEVER have sex with me in her life, said that its just so repulsing thought. Yes I had become so beta in our relationship. I was her best sex ever, started as a true alpha but after falling in love I became the beta. Well I couldnt be just friends with her, platonic relationship wouldnt work after that and said final goodbyes and call me if you ever change your mind. It was the hardest thing I ever did and she tried to friend zone me HARD for a long time, after all sex wasnt on the table "ever again" so might as well have her as a friend right? After all she means so much to me. Hell no, never cave. Only accept what you want. Fast forward 4 months and guess who contacted? Shes been missing me all this time and thinking about that best sex ever that I gave her, all while shes with some chump. Suddenly I am the person she cant live without and saying shes going wet while thinking of us, 4 months ago I was the most repulsing thing ever and in our last day together she basically said go away I dont like to be with you. Brutal words from someone who you're deeply in love with. Time, absence. These things do fucking magic. Absence creates value. Whats common isnt valuable. Everything this article states works, no matter how beta you were and if you even cried with her! You just must have provided value in your relationship and she'll be back. And she came back, I set the date in my place and instantly sex occured and had sex all evening. Remember this woman said that she'll never ever have sex with me in her life. Remember: Whatever women say they mean that in the moment, and that can change tomorrow. Be it positive or negative. Today she might be in love, tomorrow she doesnt feel anything. Today you might be the most repulsing thing ever, tomorrow you're her soulmate. Dont take it personally, just accept women and their changing emotions the way they are and continue your life. She'll get in touch if you were the man once.   "I dont understand how some women can go from loving to basically not giving a fuck at all" You cant know what shes thinking. Thats all just a front. She might just be pretending that everything is okey. Whats more likely is that she is missing you a lot and and shes fucking sad over it. They always miss you even if they did the dumping. The dumpers job isnt easy either, it just looks like that. She misses you a lot if you brought value to her life and then went ghost eliminating yourself from her life when she unilaterally wants to end your relationship. But in your case you still see her in the gym, thats not helping your case. Once there is months of nothing and shes even thinking are you even alive anymore, then her feelings will be at their strongest and she'll reach out. If you brought value to her and then she loses you because she dumped you (knowingly expecting you to stay in friend zone because well it always worked before with other men), she'll go crazy. This particular woman never had this happen to her, all her exes are still in her life (she was always the dumper) and nobody has the balls to walk away. Well those exes are her best friends in the world, but they're just repulsing as a sexual beings. They're doing errands to her, but guess who shes fucking? The guy who walked away. Dont be dishonest and stay as a fake friend if thats not want you really want. Dont be some manipulating fake friend, be honest. You never wanted to be her friend, you wanted to have sex with her and be close to her romantically. Be honest about what you want and you just might get it, these friend zone chumps will never get it.   @Jasonyoung "So she contacted me few times last week and she knew I was at the same hospital she was at. She came down to see me. That was on Thursday, i had to leave to see a patient. After I texted her to see when she was free to get together and she has not responded. I haven’t heard from since Thursday. It’s hot and cold." You shouldn't have started to pursue after that, just let her come to you. Whats the rush. Let her initiate contacting, then ask her to hangout. You just saw each other and you instantly start to pursue next meeting, wrong. Women, especially exes, need time and space away from you and after that they'll contact you and then its their idea and then you set the date when she contacts you. Let her come to you, if she wants you she'll contact you with any excuse hoping you have the balls to set a date.

  • Klauss 2016-02-02 01:01:13

    @ Anthony "Klauss, I’m not concerned about helping her move on. Quite frankly, the further she moves, the more money I save and the more weight I lose. She’s someone else’s problem now." Haha thats true :), but im saying the best way if you want to boomerang a woman is to keep her on social media , im not saying keeping her on social media is the best thing to do in order for our own happiness, lifevalues etc. In the end we probably did the right decision of deleting our old flames so we think about them less. Im working to achieve a true "dont give a fuck about anything" state though but its very very difficult to work with our emotions however I know from now on and in my future relationships/FBs etc I will handle things pretty well. @Martin Thats a nice sucess story and im happy to hear that man :). Do you know a guy called Corey wayne? When I read your posts its reminds me of hes teachings, and its always nice to be reminded about how things work. I am very sure my ex is not completely over me, but in the end she made the choice and like Anthony mentioned earlier im just doing what she wanted in the first place, but I guess the main key is to do it as dramafree as possible. I think the good part about being AFC/loving/caring etc and then walk away is that when things are going worse in her current relationship she will remember the guy who was there for her and maybe reach out and in her mind "Just be friendly". Thats when you game the shit out of her and before she knows what happened shes naked in your bed and the feelings are coming back. I am not sure if I made enough impression for her to reach out again, but same time if I would to contact her now it would just lower her attraction even more so at this point there is nothing left to do. However my comments earlier was not about my situation and my ex, I was more thinking in general what the optimal way of handling things in order to boomeranging women are. BD made a great post of this obviously im just analyzing it a bit further from what ive experienced and learned from reading here and my own real life situations. Thanks again for responding to my posts guys and giving feedback, and again thanks BD for a good website and blog :).        

  • Martin 2016-02-02 02:31:45

    @Klauss Thanks, yes I know Corey Wayne. Definitely a follower! I turned to AFC/loving/caring and it surely destroyed attraction. After all, women are attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. Never change from the way you acted in the start of the relationship, it is what attracted her in the first place and it will keep her. But with time (absence, scarcity) things can change. And you get what you negotiate. If you want to see her naked in your bed then you'll get that if you're a good negotiator. Oh btw, when I said "call me if you change your mind", she straight up said "no I will never change my mind about that". And look what happened. It doesnt really matter what they say, never trust their word. Women can be so convincing with their verbal rejection that you really believe you'll never have a chance again, so maybe I'll just surrender to friend zone. Thats probably where the other exes have caved in. At the end of the day women cant control their emotions, anything can happen. Klauss you just need to learn from this and in future you'll deal way better with new girls. Maybe you did a mistake in fb blocking, but perhaps you can salvage that when she someday contacts you again. If shes with some other now then just let it be and be happy for her, whats the point being sad over it. But remember like BD's articles point out, women are not designed for monogamy. She'll get bored of any guy shes with, and one day she'll remember you. In the mean time date others, get happy and improve. Get lovers who appreciate you for you. Thats all you can do. That you can control.

  • Scott 2016-02-02 13:33:10

    Question on something I haven't seen asked on here......when you suspect (and odds say definite) that a girl you are seeing (not monogamously) feels the need to give you excuse after excuse as to why she couldn't make it or didn't call back when she said she would and has no ability to actually say that she had other plans...what do you make of her handling it that way? If you are not monogamous, what is the big deal about admitting you had other plans?  Instead it's bullshit excuses like there was a death in my family, I didn't feel good, went to bed and overslept, my cell phone ran out of charge, etc. etc.   Is this (lying) not worse than just admitting to having plans with someone else?  Because to me it is and it's justification for not wanting to even continue on a non-monogamous basis and starting a hard next.  Or is it just a case of who cares, it doesn't matter if she eventually calls you back a week later to hang out and hopefully get drunk and fuck?

  • od_dude 2016-02-02 14:23:51

    I just want to add the Social networking thing, the ghosting technique existed long before Facebook, its irrelevant if she on yours or not. If they aren't playing games, ( constantly liking your updates, etc ) and you can stay off their page leave them on, unfortunately its too tempting for most of us, alternatively you can assign them to acquaintance, then hide most of your pics and status from  acquaintances.  The added bonus of ghosting will make them wonder and most likely miss you more, as seeing you on Facebook can be comforting to them, you gone completely makes them wonder what your really doing.  Dawson advocates deleting, BD says its ok, it really depends on your situation at the time, but being on FB or not wont make them miss you more, their memories and time will do that,  ive been boomeranged a number of times in my life by exes, and many of of them were before Facebook and the longest one was 7 years after, and technically one was a crush from high school who contacted me 20 years later who i didn't sleep with in high school, and then ended up fucking her on and off for three years, its memories and time not Facebook.  Personally if they are with some one else, I'm gone, i dont want to or need to know about it, and I'm focused on myself, its sends a clear message as well, if your not in my life fucking me, I'm not wasting a minute of my time on you, period, including FB.  I may unblock them at a later date when I'm emotional clear, and dont give a fuck anymore.

  • Jasonyoung 2016-02-02 17:01:10

    @martin Thank you. The day before I last contacted her she wanted me to meet her for tea. We went out and flirted and she was getting closer. When we said goodbye we hugged each other and I tried to kiss her and she said gigging" no no no no!" And turned her cheek. That's why when I saw her at hospital the next day I guess I just kind of rushed it. I know this will be slow process but it seems like it's taking longer for me to get her in bed. I haven't heard from her in 5days now.

  • Martin 2016-02-03 00:25:59

    Jason its good that you made your intentions clear. You want her as a lover. Dont imply that you want something serious, just hang out, have fun and hook up. Giggling "no no no" might be just token resistance. Back down & try again later. If she denies it then just be playful and say that I want you. I cant be just friends with you, but we can be friends with benefits sure. Bring those gorgeous lips over here and kiss me. It's better to make your intentions clear than be some friend zone chump she has lunches or coffee with. You either get what you want or you dont waste time with her. You might care about her yes, but the truth is you want her romantically and you shouldnt accept anything less. Make that clear and be willing to walk away. Wait for her to contact you. Dont be desperate and initiate. Lack of attention from you makes her wonder, maybe you're a catch and you're with other women. And you should be dating women. Women want men with options. What you should do now? Nothing. Just wait to hear from her and then meet her.

  • Jasonyoung 2016-02-03 07:19:51

    @martin I'm not going to call again. I'll wait. I have been hooking up with 3 other girls but this one is a challenge for me. Thanks again for your input.

  • SO 2016-02-06 23:11:14

    So ex contacted few months after the break up, we had sex and she talked about how much she missed me and how she couldn't be without me. After that haven't heard from her in weeks. Shes a very busy gal so should I just let her pursue me and let her do all the initiating? Or should I text her? What I gather from here is that you shouldn't pursue someone who dumped you to begin with. I used to be the needy pursuer and that got me dumped so I don't want to start that again and shoot myself in the foot.

  • Neil 2016-02-07 13:05:52

    I just read this entire page top to bottom, you guys are brilliant! Really enjoyed the advice here. Wondering if you guys could help me, maybe clear things up, I am 29, had been single many years, because i had to stay home and care for my sick mum, my social life was gone. I was overweight, no confidence, never dated really. My mum passed in 2013 and i had freedom for the first time, into the big bad world. Threw myself into work. Started losing weight at the start of 2015 to get myself back in the game as i was tired being alone while my friends are settled, this was my time i deserved it right? anyway a girl i knew many years ago contacted me on FB, added me. We talked over and back every day after that, literally every day. It got intense, she was gorgeous, always liked her and was taken back she liked me. She had issues of her own, adopted, single parent, guy ran off before the kid was born. Dad died of cancer, tried to commit suicide. Then after all that met a guy several years ago who literally beat her, burnt her car, just abused her, for 3 years she could not escape she said but did. Her child suffered and it kills still to this day. So she took a break from men, until i came along. She spoke about how she could not believe she met someone so decent and genuine who wasnt an asshole. It grew and grew. 2 months it was so good although our time spent together was not always alot with her college and the kid and me working we tried our best. Then the last few weeks she got distant, little cold, stopped wanting me really, we talked but she said it was stress etc.. So i booked her a holiday with my buddies going too for her bday, get away for 3 days would help i thought, wrong. She just acted like an asshole to me, trying to start shit, ruined my trip and my friends seen it too, they asked her what are you doing hes done nothing wrong to you? she pulled back. We got home and we talked and i offered to end it, i mean shall we leave it i said? she said no lets just see how things go .... strange. 3 days later while talking on FB mail i told her i loved her and we would work this shit out.. give it time.. she replied with she didnt think it was working, we didnt gel, no chemistry. I was devastated, still am. I did properly love this girl. I replied with "you are ending it, and on FB mail? did i not deserve the respect of a call at the very least? she said she was sorry its not how she wanted it to come out but she had to say it and not pretend to me it was fine after i said i loved her. So i didnt reply for two weeks, i let it settled, left her to wonder. Shes stubborn and a bitch so i knew she would not text me. So i texted saying i had time to think, i see why she did it, i did love and care for her but i accept it basically, and i did wish her well for her future. I did not abuse her, or do anything bad.  She replied saying i was the most decent genuine man she ever met, i was a great catch and one day she will probably regret it but she cant make me happy now, her college is for two more years and her life is just too hectic she should not have got into a relationship, but what she said next stuck with me, how she seen me perhaps, she told me i dont think highly of myself at all and i had to learn to love myself more, have more confidence and see what others see in me that i was attractive i needed to figure stuff out and once i do my life will get better and change. Since it ive lost more weight, im down 4 stone. I feel better. I want to keep improving. We remained friends after that on FB but i felt it hard and felt we needed space away, so i had a present for her daughter i had promised 2 months before we broke up, so i said i am gonna send that present to you for your kid, i wont break that promise and we should delete each other on fb and move on with our lives.. she seemed taken back first like "if you feel it will help i guess.." but she said she understood and it helped me heal too. Again i told her she was a great mother, good luck with college and best wishes. That was it. That was Dec 18th. So we have not spoke since then and i feel better now, only lately a little better. My friend said she posted a love quote on new years about someone being a stranger last year can mean so much to you now .... aimed at me obviously. But i also know she ended it, and shes stubborn so she wont contact but part of me thinks she will at some point, her life now is just to much for her i think, im not gonna sit and wait not saying that at all, but i do love her, i really do. So what do you guys think after reading that, whats your view on it?

  • triforce 2016-02-07 16:19:08

    Week 7 of NC. imo it takes 3-4 months of NC if you're hoping to get your ex back.

  • Neil 2016-02-08 07:58:55

    @triforce   I agree with the sentiments, just leave it. I know she knows I love her, i care about her as my actions showed that and she said she respected me so much etc so i know that but i wont contact her, she may not me either she is stubborn but i will leave it. She will date others but i know her, and i dont think she will find it any of the other guys either, they all treated her shit. She will remember me for sure because of the care i gave her, if she never contacts me again, its fine, was not meant to be.. i am gonna keep living, keep getting better and better .. and see what life throws at me.

  • Scott 2016-02-08 16:26:45

    Odd how Mathew never replied with his intentions

  • Scott 2016-02-08 16:43:12

    @ Martin I love this advice you gave Mathew about a week ago. You said "You want her back in your sex life or nothing to do with her? If its the first then I see no reason to ignore her when she contacts you. Women who want you will give up if you ignore them. If I’d want her as fwb or something, of fucking course I’d respond and try to set a date for sex to happen. You didn't explain what you want so its kinda hard to answer your question. If you want her, answer her and tell her what you want… which is to come at your place and then you’ll escalate to sex. If she denies that then just say contact me if you change your mind. I want to be your lover not a friend, if you dont want to see me as a lover then I dont see any reason for us to be talking. Easy. Done. In life you get what you negotiate, state what you want and be willing to walk away after that. Thats the strongest negotiation position in any human interaction. But most manginas are afraid to say what they want, and hell they surely wont be walking away. Be a different man." I believe in that advice 100% because it's worked for me this past December after 2 months of NC.  However....and this is important...but have never seen it addressed anywhere on this blog.  When she does start calling, and like you say, she will....I have had her start to get into a routine of calling after she gets off work or driving to the store wanting to just talk and chat.  It's normal to be so pumped about her calling again after not seeing her for a long time, but if you aren't careful and always pick up the phone when she calls, you can all of the sudden show a pattern to her that you are available and the very thing that brought her back (scarcity and being unavailable) goes out the window and your back to square one. However and here's the question....you said in your comments that if you want her and she is calling, you said "you see no reason to ignore her when she contacts you".  Therefore, my question is, after you meet up and both feel the flames again and have sex and everything goes well, how do you keep that excitement in her mind going when she starts calling daily (I don't call, she does) to chat as she is driving in the car?  Should we only pick up sometimes so that we don't appear to be so available even though it's like a fucking adrenalin rush when she does call?  Or at that point if we don't pick up most of the time will she lose interest from that?  Which is the bigger turn off to her, a guy that picks up too much or not enough? Damn...women!  

  • Billy Calloway 2016-02-09 08:57:52

    Thank you ! Recently went through a bad breakup and followed your instructions to a T. It works. In the 6 weeks after she left me, my-ex (a classic Dominant with strong Independent tendencies) did everything short of hire a private investigator to find me. The lack of attention had her flipping out and suddenly, in her eyes, I went from a wimpy Alpha 1.0 (I would start fights & act like an ass--really bad move)  back to being the Alpha 2.0 I was before we met and that she found very attractive. I gave up 'my' mission and that was the fatal mistake and I paid for it by getting my ass handed to me. Never again. Guys, read and digest what is being written here on this site/blog. The advice is given here is spot on. For all of you who want to get your girl back, regardless of your motivation, drop out of site. Block her from EVERYTHING. Tough it out. Workout, get laid, get your head straight and ride it out. She'll call you back and you'll be fucking her shortly afterwards.    

  • Smith 2016-02-09 17:28:58

    I dated this girl for 5 months 3 of which we lived together only thing that messed it up was her moving ! Was the alpha but then she moved and she saw some weakness and walked all over me and I was a beta, we talked for about 3 months after breaking up thinking we were on the same page but I was so beta that she ends up with someone else around November and tells me "my fiancé takes great care of me financially and morally, get the picture? Stay out of my life" so I did around Christmas they break up and next thing you know she moves back to CA, she blocked me from everything back when we had broken up but still to this day has me on snap chat and I notice she started looking at everyone of my snaps I post to the story I have and then in January after about 2-3 weeks of looking iat how well I'm do I'm doing now (lost 37lbs, got into nursing school) just doing everything to improve myself she contacts me via snap chat message and tell me "I just realized how weird you are" long story short I made a snapchat long time ago that she added and I'm weird cause when I was a beta I made it cause she blocked me on my other one. But ironically when we had first broken up she hits me up from a texting app pretending to be a girl from my area to see if I was with anyone I know who it was so just messed with her a little haha. So I bring that up telling her well if I'm weird cause of that you are too cause you did the same thing! She comes at me with " I was just trying to find every reason to break up with you, how sad" but I respond with " I find that hard to believe cause we weren't even together at that time haha" so my question is do I wait till she reaches out again? Cause after that she still kept me on snap chat and continues to look at everything I post! I know she came at me side ways but is it still a good sign that she contacted me ? I'm only improving more and I know she sees it. What's the next move? Just wait patiently or contact her cause I do want her back

  • Smith 2016-02-09 17:34:51

    After that message of my saying we had been broken up at that time so that's hard to believe, she never responded back and me either since I not about be be a little bitch again and chase her ^^

  • Scott 2016-02-09 18:07:47

    @ Billy Calloway   Love hearing your success and turning your situation around with your girl.  I also have time invested with a very independent girl who likes to come and go, have her own place, work full time during the day and and go to night school three nights a week and she plans her "activities" when it's convenient to her schedule. Listening to your advice it sounds like you would be perfect to ask.  I have also done over 2 months of NC from late September to this past December 1st and then she started blowing up my phone like crazy.  Texting and calling.  One time it was 8 calls in a row, then 9 calls about two hours later, then the next day I counted 12 calls in a row in less than 2 minutes time. Just hitting redial over and over.  I finally asked who it was (even though I knew) and she texted her name as I was laughing because she actually thought I forgot her number.  Even though I did delete it, I had it memorized from the shear amount of times calling it when we were together.  So I reluctantly agreed to meet at a restaurant then we went to a couple bars and then we were at my house fucking.  So guys, don't ever believe that NC and disappearing doesn't work.....it works incredibly!!  In fact, nothing works better, NOTHING! But here's my question, and I'm having trouble with this right now.  She comes back after the NC and she's back to sometimes just hanging  out, having dinner and drinks and no sex.  Also, I always purposely  wait for her to call me instead of calling her.  Sometimes she calls every day and then doesn't call for 2-3 days.  And I know she is still playing the field and having her cake and eating it too.  Since it's not monogamous, would you freely put up with that and act like it doesn't phase you and use that time to be with other girls? Or since you have more feelings for this girl than any others, do you do what Martin suggests above when he says "I want to be your lover not a friend, if you don't want to see me as a lover, then I don't see any reason for us to be talking." On one hand you give her the impression nothing phases you, on the other you tell her what you want and get it from her from now on or if it's not good enough for her then you're cutting your ties and not  wasting any more of your time.  Which is the best option to go with an independent girl that knows she's hot but keeps giving you the impression that she wants you at least some of the time?  

  • Billy 2016-02-09 20:30:28

    Scott; The first thing you must do is be completely honest and ask yourself 'what kind of relationship do I want?' Come clean because if you don't your really going to fuck yourself up. The problem I see with your decision making process is the classic 'she's the hottest piece of ass in the world!' syndrome. We have all fallen into that trap: you come across a woman/girl that just might be a little 'above your weight class' and she's into you. You start thinking 'damn, I've got to keep this one. Don't fuck it up' . You have great sex, she's into the things your into etc... Then it's as if she realize who she's with. She hears you tell you think she's hot. She knows she's hot !, 'You're so beautiful', She knows that too and then you became another victim. She bounces. Gone and now you're fucked in the head. She comes back shortly after and you are happy but it's not what it was but to you it doesn't matter so long as she's back....Fuck that ! Get in your head and rebuild yourself now. No woman has the right to come and go gratis while you caddy to her wishes because you think you'll never get a hot chic like this again. Believe me you will once you find your mission. The mission is really important. Once you start being selfish and think of what is going to make you happy first can you be of any good to a woman who deserves to be with you. You must have faith and confidence to know that there are zillions of other hot, smart women who would be into you. But in order for that to happen you must ask what type of relationship that you want. If you are good with the demands and expectations like this woman ask for then cool but if not find your confidence, don't give too much of yourself that your that you become unhappy and set and stick to hard boundaries of what you expect in your relationships. Walk as if !!!!

  • Teamsmash! 2016-02-09 20:31:01

    Need some advice as what the next move is I dated this girl for 5 months 3 of which we lived together only thing that messed it up was her moving ! Was the alpha but then she moved and she saw some weakness and walked all over me and I was a beta, we talked for about 3 months after breaking up thinking we were on the same page but I was so beta that she ends up with someone else around November and tells me "my fiancé takes great care of me financially and morally, get the picture? Stay out of my life" so I did around Christmas they break up and next thing you know she moves back to CA, she blocked me from everything back when we had broken up but still to this day has me on snap chat and I notice she started looking at everyone of my snaps I post to the story I have and then in January after about 2-3 weeks of looking iat how well I'm do I'm doing now (lost 37lbs, got into nursing school) just doing everything to improve myself she contacts me via snap chat message and tell me "I just realized how weird you are" long story short I made a snapchat long time ago that she added and I'm weird cause when I was a beta I made it cause she blocked me on my other one. But ironically when we had first broken up she hits me up from a texting app pretending to be a girl from my area to see if I was with anyone I know who it was so just messed with her a little haha. So I bring that up telling her well if I'm weird cause of that you are too cause you did the same thing! She comes at me with " I was just trying to find every reason to break up with you, how sad" but I respond with " I find that hard to believe cause we weren't even together at that time haha" so my question is do I wait till she reaches out again? Cause after that she still kept me on snap chat and continues to look at everything I post! I know she came at me side ways but is it still a good sign that she contacted me ? I'm only improving more and I know she sees it. What's the next move? Just wait patiently or contact her cause I do want her back

  • Martin 2016-02-10 01:56:54

    TeamSmash you should've said to her contact initiation this: Hey, its nice to hear from you. I'd love to see you and catch up. When are you free to get together? No matter what she says.. "you're weird" is just her way of bringing herself to your orbit and to see if you still want her. All my exes have been frightened to contact me after long time of no contact, because they think I'm with some new girl and they fear they dont have a shot anymore or I might reject them. Thats why they contact you in some vague way (ie. you're weird). And then your response is like you're still interested (ie. Hey, its nice to hear from you. I'd love to see you and catch up. When are you free to get together?) and they're like AHHH yes!! Because thats why they contacted you in the first place! All my exes have said after hooking up again after break up, that when they sent me message after a long time they panicked the whole day waiting for my message that what I'm gonna say or will I just ignore, and then they tell that when they saw my message they're like YESS he still wants me and instantly sets the date. MOST guys do exactly the opposite and act like a cold non interested fish when ex contacts them, and then these women figure the guy isnt interested in them anymore and they cut their losses and do not even try anymore. Girls hate rejection and they never gonna try again if you seem like a cold fish. They fucking dont contact you to see how you doin, they contact you so that you'd have the balls to fuck her again. They're not gonna ask for it, they expect you to set the fucking date so it can happen. Women want sex as much as we do, they want to fuck, and prefer safe known to work option and not some drunk chump from a bar. So yea, Teamsmash you did a mistake. You were cold fish. Wait for her to contact you and be happy to hear from her and express that you want to hangout and catch up. Long time no z. Man, what is the point of all that chit chat? Why didnt you just ask her to hangout if you still want her? You cant fuck her through the phone. When she contacts you set the date. Most men try to act fucking cool, aloof, cold and even ignore exes when they contact thinking that will work. But those men fail with exes when they come back in contact. Shes not a random girl, you were already inside her and had a bond with her, shes just trying to see are you still interested in all that. Its not rocket science.

  • Martin 2016-02-10 02:17:47

    @Scott "But here’s my question, and I’m having trouble with this right now.  She comes back after the NC and she’s back to sometimes just hanging  out, having dinner and drinks and no sex." When she contacts or calls, why dont you flirt and communicate in such a way, that she understands that you're gonna fuck her if she meets you (I fucking want you so much right now, I'm gonna take you so rough tonight). Then you wont anymore have dates that do not end in sex. And thats better, you'll train her to see you in a intimate way and not like some nice friend she goes to dinners and drinks. And if she cant meet in that way then you wont see her. You deny those dates saying that you want her and cant be just friends with you. That will make you more scarce and your value will shoot up and she will eventually see you and have sex if shes enough interested spending time with you. If not then she isnt interested. Say "Call me if you ever change your mind". But just wait to hear from her and set the implied romantic date, busy chicks are busy chicks and you dont want to make her feel like shes losing her freedom when you're trying to push all the time.

  • Jasonyoung 2016-02-11 06:04:56

    @martin She called after I didn't for few days and asked why i don't call? I asked when she was free for dinner and then silence again... Wtf?

  • Martin 2016-02-11 08:48:16

    Jason. If that happens tell her you've been busy but you're glad that she called you. You'd like to see her, ask to hangout. If shes silent just let her come to you. Its like tennis, you have to wait her to shoot the ball back. Or say "I'm busy now cant really chat but I'd like to see you soon, when you figure out your schedule get back to me". I guess you've been like hers phone girlfriend in the past? And now you're acting different and she cant figure you out? From the very start you shouldnt train girl to use you as her phone girlfriend,  because if you try to change it after the fact they might think you're playing some games. If the girl says why you never call and insists on it, then you could sometime initiate and chat for a short time and then suggest the hangout: "why dont you drop by next sunday, lets make dinner together and catch up better." dont always ask when shes free, suggest meetings sometimes yourself. But if the date doesnt happen just be ok and not in any rush, these women need time to develop feelings for you. They might have that time of the month when you ask when they're free and then go silent but are suddenly horny & available in 2 weeks. Just hook up with other women and she'll come around as wanting to see you some day.

  • Gary 2016-02-11 14:04:00

    I got kind of a unique situation. Ive known this gal for over 2years. I lived with her during the 1st year. We started as room mates but she was really into.me from the start. She kept wanting me to commit but I told her I wasnt ready for that right now. We had the most awesome sex ive ever had and im 52 years old. She was totally into me. She is going to school for 4yrs for a degree in med research and got a grant that allowed her to rent a house very cheap. I stayed so she wouldnt get stuck for the lease. As time went on I developed more feelings for her and I started to make mistakes. Text to much etc. I helped her with some bills and spent alot of money. She started responding less and you could see the attraction level going down The complicated part is shes been sick most of the 2years. Cancer and heart problems from chemo. Shes getting chemo 3times a week now and shes sick alot. So I text alot because I get worried if shes ok and she responded less and less. About a month ago she was in the hospital and I didnt know it for 4days because she wouldnt return any message. Some of the ones I sent were pretty irate because she never answered. After she got out about a week later she said she didnt want a relationship and to leave her alone.to complicate matters there is a 60year old guy who she swears is a friend. And hes around a lot. I chased and tried to get her back on and off for the last month. Last fri I went to her house and had a big confrontation with her and this guy that was supposedly there to fix something. Now she wants to meet tomorrow probably to say goodbye or something. We had an awesome connection and phenomenal sex. I was there through all her sickness. Between the illness,this guy and my beta behavior I dont know what to do other than start no contact. I would love her back. What do you guys think?.

  • od_dude 2016-02-11 15:33:06

    @ Gary If a woman wants you, they let you know, if there are games going on, get the fuck out and never look back,  this is fucking with your head and your acting Beta because of it, it doesn't matter if the sex and connection are great, women have different agendas and they change, i had a woman i gave orgasm to every time, every single time, easy bolt on me for a Beta, so dont try and figure them out with your logic.  You gave a lot and became beta in the end, so the attraction went down, clear out and make like a ghost, hell the way shes treated you i wouldn't even show up tomorrow.  She told you she doesn't want you, now vanish fast and ghost the fuck out of her.  And really who the fuck is a 60 year old chasing a cancer patient anyways, i mean wtf, but if i were you after that confrontation i wouldn't even give her the satisfaction of telling you what you already know, be a Ghost now, see what happens in six months or a year from now.   Women that show no loyalty to those that were there for them in their hardest times aren't worth pissing on, and mark my words she will do it again, because no matter how incredible this 60 year old guy is or isn't, its her internal mess that is broken.

  • Gary 2016-02-11 16:18:10

    Thats a great reply. Thanks so.much. I would like to go and say pretty much what you said and say im done with this . I was loyal to you in your time of greatest need and never turned my back on you and the thanks I get is to be dumped and ignored. Good luck fighting cancer . Im leaving now ive wasted enough time with this and leave. Just not showing is probably the best option

  • Martin 2016-02-11 22:59:09

    @Gary if you end up meeting her and she wants to end it, then just do not give her the satisfaction of emotional burst and make her break you. Like experts here say, never be emotionally punishing when breaking up. Take the ego and emotions out of it and just shrug your shoulders. Be like "OK, I understand. I wish you all the best and hope that you get well. I want to continue to be lovers but if you dont then its been nice knowing you. Contact me if you ever change your mind." and walk away and never look back. You can still say this because its true "I was loyal to you in your time of greatest need and never turned my back on you and the thanks I get is to be dumped and ignored." she'll start to regret that in the future and she'll figure that she messed up. You say the sex was amazing, so do not burn bridges because she can still  come back in your sex life but shes not good relationship material. It's very likely this new chump screws it up in 3-4 months and she'll be riding your cock again. That's  almost 100% sure. Just make your odds of boomerang better by ending it without emotional punishing and leaving the door open if (read: WHEN) she changes her mind. It's obvious from your story that she has lost her attraction to you and you cannot do ANYTHING to turn it right now. But the thing that can change her attraction towards you is the 4 month absence BD talks about in this article. Absence turns you to a blank slate and she'll wonder about you and one day shes on your cock again. Just make sure you DO NOT stay as friends or stay in contact. She needs time and space away from you now and then one day in 3-4 months she'll see the past through rose colored glasses and she will fuck you again even though shes still with that new guy whos starting to become boring and is not that new and exciting anymore (but you will be exciting again because of absence - she has wondered about you for months and developed new feelings). That's how women are, do not hate them because of their nature. Accept them as they are.

  • Gary 2016-02-12 06:09:56

    I couldnt sleep.last night thinking about this. Im supposed to meet her in 4hrs. Im really thinking about just blowing it off. I think she thinks shes doing me a big favor. Im pissed off as it is. Im going to have to force myself to act cool and indifferent. In the other hand it might be better if her last impression is of me being confident. I could use some advice. I really appreciate the comments so far and will use that.

  • Martin 2016-02-12 08:44:14

    @Gary Just focus on yourself, you should really have bigger problems in your life than some woman. If she wants to end it then OK. You still have your purpose/mission and abundance of other women. Your life wont end, you're still going to improve yourself no matter is she around or not. And you shouldn't even be in a fearful state anticipating the final break up, even though her actions seem like it. That's the bottom line. Just act as if she wants to fuck you tonight, not like waiting that shes gonna dump you. That makes you walk on eggshells and you wont be that confident guy she fell for in the first place. What you fear you attract. But still always be prepared. If she dumps you then follow whats laid out in this article and in its comments. She can still be your fuckbuddy someday so leave that door open by not being emotionally punishing, even though shes probably not LTR material after dumping you like that (but dont say that to her). Keep us posted what happened.

  • Gary 2016-02-12 10:53:23

    I screwed ip. I thought it was an hr later than it was. She was gone. No message no nothing

  • Jasonyoung 2016-02-12 15:41:37

    @martin She finally responded with what restaurant are you talking about? And I tell her the restaurant and she asked me to help her find a job and silent again

  • untog 2016-02-12 22:29:57

    my ex gf broke me up after just 20 days of being official. she broke up with her ex for about 4 months before I court her and win her. Is this thread applicable for me too?

  • Martin 2016-02-12 23:44:56

    @Jason tell her that you can help her with that in person, meet at hers or yours place in the evening. Only accept evening meetings, nothing romantic wont happen in the daylight most usually. Hang out, have fun and then escalate to sex. Make sure to relate as man to woman and make a move, do not be just a friendly platonic nice guy helping her out. If she denies you again you lay it to the table: "I cant do this, I want you. We can be friends with benefits but not just friends. If you cant be my lover then please do not ever contact me again. I care about you but this just friend thing doesnt work for me. Call me if you ever change your mind." You get what you negotiate! Remember that. You gotta fucking have balls to do that and be willing to walk away. Make your intentions clear and stop dithering around. @untog Yes. Do not chase after her now, never initiate texts or calls. Make your life great and in few months when she comes back you may not even have time for her because you have so many other women. When she contacts you set the date and get off the phone. Escalate to sex. You cant do anything else.

  • lina 2016-02-14 00:28:47

    Oh this is wonderful advice ! Complete nonsens if your goal is to get back with a woman. Being a woman I can tell you, if I hear from a guy again after 4 months, I will have moved on. If i contact him myself  for whatever reason after such along period, it also means I have moved on. I might still want to know you are ok. But probably not, and you will not hear from me again. If women regret a break up you will hear from them soon, within a couple of weeks. If not...she is over you and moved on! Best part here is, if you do not contact her for 4 months, you have probably forgotten about her as well. And that is why this advice is not so bad after all, as it will help you to heal.

  • Neil 2016-02-15 08:08:06

    Guys help a guy out here! Still thinking about this girl i am crazy about her. I posted above but nobody replied, any tips would be appreciated guys you seem to know your stuff in here! She is stubborn, independent, don't need anyone type, she takes meds sometimes, high and low type, not sure if BPD or a Narcissist but signs of both. She chased me for months after adding me on FB. Finally we hooked up, was great for two months, best i felt, then boom, cold and distant, no kisses, compliments stopped, she fought over silly things always online, we talked mostly online she had college and a kid, me working nights, was hard to spend time, once maybe twice a week. She said i was the most genuine decent man she had met..we had little arguments and she was off for days, paid for a trip to amsterdam for her bday, she didnt change, we got home and she mailed me 3 days later, i told her i loved her and we would work it out! she was fine the night before however, usual lovey messages with kisses etc its why it took me by surprise. She said we did not gel, no chemistry.. i did not reply for 2 weeks, even tho she knew i was so gonna be so hurt she did not contact me either in this time ... we talked after 2 weeks she said she was very sorry, not how she wanted it to go, i deserved better and she was waiting on me to contact her she was giving me time.. we talked it out i said i understood her choice despite being in love with her, i got it. It ended ok, we wished each other well and deleted each other off FB. That was Dec 18th, no contact since. Knowing her she probably will not contact me which hurts but no idea what to do if anything i can do now?

  • od_dude 2016-02-16 16:45:36

    Neil there's nothing to work out, you told her you loved her,  she told you she wants to end it, let her chew on that for a while, and be a ghost, work out, play golf, by nice clothes meet other people focus on you be a man. Forget her, she might come around and contact you, you cant doing anything about it, they have to start missing you and they only way that happens is for you to be a ghost. If they contact you in months or years from now, your ripped, you've got nice cloths and you've improved your stock, you might have some ones else, and if not you might want to give them a shot again, but from my personal experience once a woman dumps on you, your heart never gives them that opportunity again, you might bang them even have fun with them again, but your never willing to let your self feel the way you once did.  You did it right, you ended it with out being punishing, your next step its to elevate your stock.

  • Martin 2016-02-16 22:08:44

    Neil. Yeah what can you do. If you were not asshole and you werent emotionally punishing with the break up, you told her you love her and want to workout things, then what can you do if she doesnt want to continue. But whatever she has said only applies in the moment. And that can change anytime. Women are emotional beings and their feelings change all the time, we on the other hand always have our attraction towards woman and it basically never changes if it once was there. Once a man loves a woman, he will always have that love for her. If things were same with women, dating would be so much more simple. If she wanted you she would contact you. She needs to wonder about you for now. But maybe someday, after 6 months or so, you can send her something that reminds of your time together. If you got something special with her then maybe she'll see you and catch up and then anything can happen. I know its not easy to be without the woman you love and whom loved you back and now shes like a different person and is being very cold/ignores you. It sucks and hurts more than anything. But if you communicated what you want and she doesnt want that, then move on. Sure she might come back someday and want to see how are you doing, but you cant make her do it, she needs to want it on her own. Just like od_dude said, now you need to elevate your stock. She's not the only amazing girl for you in the world. When you get better, its likely that you'll meet someone so much better that when she comes back you might not even want her anymore, unless you really loved her.

  • ToorgJ 2016-02-17 06:27:13

    ***Lesbian Friend-Zone. Need Advice*** So, after reading the above, I've realized I've probably made about a million beta mistakes... So here's a little backstory....I'll try to keep it short. I befriended this older woman through website intended to help people meetup that have common interests. Keep in mind, that at the time I was not looking for a romantic relationship of any sorts. We pretty much hit it off instantly despite our 12 year age gap. I'm 26, she's 38. She had just gotten out of a relationship two months before, blah, blahhhh. At this point I've seen multiple red flags with her. 1. She just got a relationship. He Ex actually cheated on her; that's why it ended. 2. I know for a fact, she is still on "good terms" with her Ex. 3. Very indecisive. One day she wants to be with me, the next day...she wants to get back with her Ex. 4. I'm not even that physically attracted to her. Through all of that, even knowing that those were red flags....I still manged to catch some kind of feelings for her.....The connection we had, it's like I've known her my whole life. I've never connected with anyone like that. Fast forward three months, we are still in the same place. She's still talking to her Ex, blah blah, shes's still "confused" about her feelings, blah blahhhhhh. At this point, I was mentally preparing myself to just be her friend no matter what. No matter if she came around, and said she did want something more. During this whole time, I know I've been playing the stand-in girlfriend (boyfriend) roll without getting jack shit in return. I could tell she had been avoiding me (not wanting to meet up) for two weeks are so. So I just told her that I don't think we should talk anymore, and I hope things between them workout. No hard feelings.  She came back with, I'll be here when you are ready to talk to me. I'll always have "friend love" for you......*barf*. We texted a couple more times, and then the last text she sent was on Friday....pretty much saying I'll be here when you are ready to talk. So all of the above I know sounds EXTREMELY beta. The only problem is, I want to text her so bad! Another beta move. I know I need to just walk away from the whole situation....I got played, or perhaps "I played myself" - *DJ Khaled Voice*.... Thanks in advance, ToorgJ  

  • Dummy 2016-02-17 07:53:13

    What if the girl never comes back? It's been an year and she used to contact me as a friend which was hurting me. So one day I told her that I wanted her...hold her hands etc...she never replied and then afterwards I stopped everything all together. She works at my workplace and we avoid each other like bad smell. It's a lie if I were to say that I don't love her and not miss her. The anxiety has reduced but I still think of her. Life sucks!

  • od_dude 2016-02-17 12:34:16

    @Dummy

    What If the girl never comes back?
    You wont care any more, why? because you took all the hurt and pain, and put it into the gym, your work, your looks, your style.  Your stock has doubled with your efforts, and you have other options.  Every one keeps asking the same question, you cant beg a woman back, and you cant be an orbiting friend zone beta while they bang some other dude,  Ghost the fuck out of them including Social media ( at least until your not effected by seeing who shes banging ) and elevate your stock.   Dummy, what your going though sucks, its really shitty, i know, and the worst part you cant do anything to change her right now,  but you can do something to change you now and that might change her, so here are some instruction for you to read, follow exactly what this guy did, and you'll be able to bang her again or you wont give a shit, but you'll be in control, read and follow it.   Good luck brother. http://aaronbleyaert.tumblr.com/post/109959086957

  • Anthony 2016-02-17 23:27:17

    Dummy, NO WORKPLACE RELATIONSHIPS!!!! You aren't paying attention to what BD says!!!!

  • Anthony 2016-02-18 05:14:59

    "If he dies, he dies." ---Ivan Drago "If she doesn't come back, she doesn't come back" 😉

  • CrabRangoon 2016-02-18 11:24:28

    Even though this is an older post it's timely for me since I just soft nexted someone.  Many women will throw out the "why won't you fight for this!  You never really cared" line.   Fighting for it just keeps the broken record spinning in my experience.  You'll keep rehashing the same crap over and over with no resolution.  Just back away from it-time and space bring some great clarity.

  • Neil 2016-02-19 10:21:13

    Thanks a lot guys for the advice you're good men in here! I feel good now. I'm getting fitter, I've got 3 women chasing me, each week I am improving and taking control. And it helps me keep busy and get over my ex. I didn't punish her for ending it so coldly and horribly and how she acted toward me I accepted it was over and we wished each other well. She's had bad relationship after bad relationship all bad men some beat her etc I treated her really well so I can hold my head up high for that and one day she may realise it but by then I'll have someone better. Life goes on men 🙂

  • od_dude 2016-02-19 16:31:44

    Neil

    I didn’t punish her for ending it so coldly and horribly and how she acted toward me I accepted it was over and we wished each other well. She’s had bad relationship after bad relationship all bad men some beat her etc I treated her really well so I can hold my head up high
    Ive learned something the hard way, some women need to feel sorry for them selves, so the go from bad relationship to bad relationship, and always using it to cry a self righteous mantra to their friends and families or anyone that will listen to their "whoa as me" bullshit, "I'm a good woman i put up with this douche, but ill fix him, because I'm good and care, blah blah"  this lets them cry the victim for sympathy, they dont want a healthy situation, the moment they are in a healthy situation, it forces them to look in the mirror and realize its themselves that are fucked up, selfish and entitled, they cant blame some one else and they hate that, so they sabotage it and run back to an abuser, where they can feel sorry for them selves again, pretend they are good people who are just victims.  Just walk away from those types, they are hopelessly self centered people that need to be victims.

  • Martin 2016-02-19 23:34:59

    Neil. Women like that are not good relationship material. They love the unpredictable bad boy who one time beats her and next time is lovey dovey cuddle guy, she never knows what to expect and that gives her the tingles. You're not like that so eventually she got bored of you and shes back on the hunt for exciting bad boy but shes likely to come crawling back to you when shes got enough of mistreating from the next bad boy and remembers your niceness. She might have a seasonal want for exciting bad boy and then for a nice stable guy. Your turn was done and it might come again. But remember shes not good relationship material because this will likely happen again and you'll be all broken again, if she comes back just see her casually as a sex playmate and wrap it up. And that way you'll likely keep her, because your lovey doveyness actually repulsed her. Women like that always want that man who doesnt want her. That's why shes not good relationship material, because once you're committed she'll lose all interest.

  • Neil 2016-02-20 06:59:25

    Great posts and advice guys, really appreciate it as well. I have had enough time to think it all through, I was annoyed at myself for still thinking about her, why? she treated me shit, she actually admitted she did as well, why could I not have told fuck off? guess its not me and my feelings outweighed anything else. Isn't it strange that I actually know she would not be someone you would want to marry, very controlling, trying to dominate, you say something out of place and BOOM! its blown up. Cant win with a woman like that. She has always been this way too, thats why no relationship worked before I imagine, she had to have played a part cannot always be the guy was just a bad guy. Not sure you views on it but I was told she maybe a narcissist, she has all the traits, they lure you in with a real intense start, she chased me hard for months, found out all about me, was so nice and easy to get on with.. then it got past the little honeymoon period and the mask fell off. Constantly wanted to fight, just act a prick really. I know she probably likes the bad boys or the guy who will tell her fuck off and ignore her etc they chase them types these women, but I also know her well enough to know she realises this is not the man she truly wants, she wants to settle and live a good life, she dreams of success and being rich, she talks money a lot and what she will do etc she has an ego in that sense. So she knows a drug dealer etc will not do long term and her family will not tolerate also, it seems she made a rash decision though, and maybe missed the spark of the bad boy as said above, so she may seek that thrill out now again and then as all the other ones she realises shit i gotta get out of this now its not what i want either, and round and round it goes. I honestly do believe one day she will regret it, she is bright, she has brains, also issues that cloud them. One day she will think of me and the good I did and how she acted and maybe reach out but it wont matter as said above also, I will have someone much better. I will never contact her, so if she does not at any point, we will never speak again, if you asked me weeks ago about that I would say that it would make me sad to hear that, now? not so much. She had nothing to bring to my life, I had a lot to bring to hers though, she lost out. My revenge will be living well and success 🙂

  • Anthony 2016-02-20 07:47:24

    That's the spirit Neil...now hit that gym!!!!

  • Martin 2016-02-21 02:49:30

    You shouldnt be motivated by revenge, rather motivated for yourself. But its true that you'll be motivated to improve yourself so that one day they'll see what they lost and then they might run back to you and beg for you. Anyway most old lovers with true bond and love in between each other will want to have a taste again of that old salt, and even more if they've improved. You gotta remember that: Most women age like bananas, men age like wine if they improve themselves. Your oneitis girl will look very different in 5 years, you on the other hand might've improved a lot. Of course theres those few women who age well and some of them blossoms to even more beautiful, but those are the rare bunch. Anyway if you want to better your odds with that woman you loved and lost, improve yourself and maybe in few years you'll get her or someone better. It sucks in this moment that you lost her but whining and crying over it wont help, be a man and do what you must.

  • Neil 2016-02-21 09:21:28

    Good advice, Martin. I don't seek revenge on her, I don't wish anything bad on her in fact, I never did, she treated me shit, which she said so herself, she knows she did, let her sit with that fact but I meant just my revenge is and should be to live well, improve my life or stock as you guys call it and that is it. I cannot make her come back and knowing her its not her style but what I can do is not be the nice guy she knows as in always available, contact her, run after her, she knows I truly loved her, she really does know, she did not want it, I accepted it, we talked after, she knew how much she hurt me but i never once begged her to come back, did not send any drunk silly texts saying please or thinking about you etc so I did well this way, I held my nerve and i had a rough xmas, she was on my mind daily, even when out so I showed some resolve to not contact her then, I do think she half expected me to run back or send lots of messages with her knowing my feelings so maybe it helped me. I am not sure what i want off her to be honest, I guess my ego got bruised a little, there is things i would change if i could but i cannot now so why beat myself up.. i would not have spoke to her so much, texts back and forth non stop daily, it was too much and she was busy too, think it all got to much for her, her fault and mine there. I wrote a blog about it and it helped, just got it out of my system, i find each week i feel better in myself, i feel good i never let myself down or sent stupid messages. Think when we are dumped its natural for the male mind to be very hurt, ego more so. Why me? what changed? am i not good enough? could i have done more? but its on her, her reasons, not mine. Fact she chased me first, added me online, talked non stop to me, wanted me.. then went cold and dumped me online, course its gonna hurt you. I know behind that wall she puts up for the world to see, she has a heart, she knows she did it wrong and maybe regrets ever getting into anything with me as we always got on so well as friends and she has ruined that too. She is the type to move on though, she intergrates into other groups and carries on with life until she gets bored of that too. I do expect her to contact me, but not for a long long time so none of this will matter anyway. One fact i left out that may or not have anything to do with it although i did ask and she said no way!! I actually met this girl through a buddy of mine, they had a little thing years ago, nothing serious, he had no interest in her and finished it with her over a phone .... yup... she always kinda liked him too, she rang him a year later after NC saying she was in hospital she was not feeling so good and he talked to her, he is a good guy, but didnt want anything else. She tried to add him on FB twice in the last 4 years but he never accepts it he has a woman and baby now so he could not so she started to dislike him, bitterness i suppose. When we hooked up, she did not want to be around him or hear his name, she got angry in his company it was weird..i asked her why it was so long ago and meant nothing? could this also have anything to do with it? i know its thinking into maybe to much but i did think she got to a point where she had those feelings for him and never quite let it go and just realised what she was doing with his friend?

  • Martin 2016-02-21 22:07:02

    It's good you didnt chase. These women who pushed you off when you were too needy and head over heels in love with them, they usually start to wonder why you're not chasing and they actually might start to miss the way you were in love with them. Especially if shes narcissistic she might want to "drug" you again so that she sees you still do love her. Now you're indifferent to her, she might come back and do exactly that. Some women get such a power rush when they get men fall in love with them. She's likely to do that in the future when she develops feelings for you again and starts to wonder about you. This time just do not fall for her so easily, she has to earn it if shes to come back for real.

  • Ending 2016-02-22 02:28:31

    When the break up comes against our will how we should react to that? The experts here say that do not be emotionally punishing but doesn't really tell what to say for best chance of boomerang. For the best odds of boomerang from LTR where the woman fell off from love, what do I say when she wants to end it if I want her to be back in my sex life and even in LTR? 1. Shrug it off with "Ok, I enjoyed our time together and I wish you the best" and be done with it? 2. Say that you love her and remind her about your best times together and how you want to continue all that and if you don't then give me a call if you ever change your mind, I cant be just friends with you. Here many commenters say women dont want men who want them, so option 1 wouldn't atleast lower her attraction? But option 2 is standing up to yourself and what you want. If you went needy in the relationship option 1 is better then? Women want sex too so they probably wont come back to a clingy guy whos in love with them while she lost those feelings? Saying the second isnt probably that good idea then? Would like some clarification what you guys are doing. Or does it even matter what you say. They'll come back either way if you were enough good to them and they start to miss that?

  • Neil 2016-02-22 04:17:41

    Wise words Martin, you have been here before for sure! We act stupid after these things just our minds don't want to let go, still hurt so i accept that is lifes circle, i feel much better as of late i really do, my mind is not going into overdrive as much the no contact has helped me a lot, you need that space to breathe. I would like to hear your views on something if its ok, i know its stupid but since we last spoke (it was on snapchat) she sent a thanks for the present for her kid etc i noticed she did not delete me off her snapchat, i expected it, but she never did, i did think she would expect me to contact her on there after some weeks i actually know for a fact she would have expected it as she knew my feelings...i never did. i checked days ago and she was still there..checked today and we are no longer friends so in the last few days she deleted me on there, now we have not sent snaps or anything since it, both been quiet, not even a story on there, keeping our distance.. dunno why it bugged me but it did if i am honest, guess as it ended ok and we wished each well and all and i was dumped, i did not think she would do it.. two things spring to mind for her action here, she got sick of not being able to post a story with me on there as a friend and she wanted to just forget it and move on properly, or she got angry at me not trying to reconnect and show her attention as she expected and run back so she done it.. i find it odd to do it 2 months after our last talk though, what would you read into that?

  • Martin 2016-02-22 05:35:22

    Neil she might have unfriended you just to get you to notice that and maybe contact her so she'll see that you're weak and still pining over her. Do not contact her, let her come to you because she did the dumping, it must be her idea to come back. You cant twist her arm to like you. And no matter how stubborn she is that doesnt matter, if she wants you she will contact you someday! If she doesnt then she doesnt want you (yet). Do not read too much into what happens with the social media stuff, snapchats etc. Focus on yourself and be in this present moment. I've been where you are now, I know it sucks to think her and you're crushed that why she cant like you the way you like her. You think why the fuck things changed to this from that deep mutual love. It fucking sucks. But man, I've found that you just gotta be happy for her if you really love her, understand that she chose to not be with you and to be somewhere else. Respect her choice and accept it. You cannot do anything about that. You can learn for your next relationship (or if she comes back) where you went wrong, maybe you became too loving nice and needy, cut that back next time. If you really loved her you'll let her be free if she doesn't want to be with you. When you think your time together, smile and do not cry. You got an great experience, be glad for that. Most people do not get to experience that. Most people are alone and never experience anything deep with someone, at least you got an experience and you can learn from that. For real, if you really love someone you want them to be happy, and if they're not happy with you then you'll let them go wherever they want and you'll smile. Love is giving, its not about possession. Maybe this will set your thoughts more straight.

  • Carl 2016-02-22 06:41:01

    My case is a little bit different from those already presented here. I hope you guys can give me some insight into It. Well, I am 21 and merely by choice, I've never been in a serious relationship before. But in the last two months and a half, I met this quite young girl(she's only 18), extremelly good looking, taller than me, smart and quite mature for her age. We got to know each other and immediatelly started dating. I fell for her. In the beginning, her mother(who's very controlling of her) would tell me things about her and her past, that she got involved with someone twice her age and that she suffered a lot due to the fact her mother wouldn't accept her relationship with this guy. That was four months prior to I meeting her. I didn't care too much about It, she was with me now and the guy was past. I am mentioning It because I always tought she still had feelings for him. I don't know. Everything was perfect between the two of us, we would see each other everyday(which I think now was a big mistake), and when we were together, she would be always lovely and caring, and the sex was great. The problem was that when we were not together, she would never call or text me, let alone ask me to come over. I had to do all this myself, and of course I wouldn't feel comfortably with It. And there was this female best friend of her, that she liked her so much that I sometimes I felt like a mere second option. It sucked. That aspect of her not "pursuing" me(phoning, texting etc) that I mentioned earlier improved a little, but two weeks ago she started to act cold and moody, and one day she asked me to come over and we broke up, I didn't question It, acted indiffent, and just went home. I didn't talk to her in the break up period. In that period, things went really downhill. Both my mother and hers had an argument over our break up and they stopped talking to each other. My ex-girlfriend then messaged me saying she missed me and wanted me back. I gave her a second chance. We met the day after and had great sex. Everything was ok, when two days later she suddenly messages me on Whatsapp and says that It will be hard for her to date me now since mine and her mother won't talk to each other and that she can't even come to my house anymore. I said that I still could go to her house and her mother - despite what happened between our familes -, still liked me and I could go to her house as I normally did. She then said It wasn't enough. I confronted her about her feelings about me and that If she really indeed liked me, she would be willing to fight for our relationship together. She then said that she "needed time", and that she no longer knew what she wanted. I then said the following: "You will have your time, but in that period, you will never see me again." She asked If I really mean It, or If I was claiming It. Which I said: "The future is uncertain for everyone, goodbye". And It's been one week since we don't talk to each other. I am trying to move on now, I know It was a really short relationship, but It was very intense, we lived great things in that period. I miss her greatly. Should I keep ignoring and acting indifferent to her or I made a mistake by saying those words above and she had the right to ask for a break?  

  • Martin 2016-02-22 07:09:56

    Carl its likely that she doesnt have very high level of interest in you, but you made it so by pursuing and initiating too much. And she might have some feelings for some other guy you should just let her come to you and give her time to miss you. I bet you contacted her everyday and that way you ended up hanging too much? This is what happens when you are in too much of rush to be with this girl all the time. “You will have your time, but in that period, you will never see me again.” you shouldn't have said that. You should just said: "I want to continue what we have and if you dont then its goodbye but take your time to think about it. when you figure it out, reach out to me. " If she wants to keep some break, you say: "I dont want us to have break, but its ok if you do, but dont expect me to wait for you, I'll go meet some other women if you're not sure about us anymore." Tell her what you want from her and stand for yourself. Do not accept friend zone, its romance or you're out of her life. You didnt really negotiate what you want, you just basically shut the door from her. I'd call her and say that I want to continue what we have but if you dont then its ok, but call me if you ever change your mind. Never end things like you did, be relaxed and communicate lovingly about what you want and if she doesnt want that then end it with "call me if you change you mind" and walk away and never look back. She'll come back if she feels it, it might not happen instantly but maybe in few months when she starts to miss you.

  • Carl 2016-02-22 08:26:24

    So, Martin, you suggest I contact her and ask If It's really over? I don't like this uncertainty, either I have her or I don't. Anyone else?

  • Martin 2016-02-22 08:56:26

    If I understood right she didnt really end it, she asked time and then you ended it. You didnt give her the space to think about it first but just ended it straight up by saying you will never see me again (in my experience women always come back when they ask for break/space, you didnt give her that chance). She might take that like you never want to see her anymore because she will be like this and will need her space once in a while, and you seem to not be able to give her space that she needs every once in a while. Women are not gonna contact you after that and risk rejection, women never want rejection. In that case I'd reach out and communicate better what I want, that is if you didnt do that. It's been only week so its not bad. But you know it better and if you see it differently and she really ended it then I'd wait for her to reach and then communicate what I want, pitch a meet and proceed into her pants.

  • Carl 2016-02-22 09:47:17

    Should I message her and arrange a meeting?

  • Neil 2016-02-22 11:03:24

    Thank you Martin, really appreciate the replies you are a good guy.   I know the point o this blog is don't be a pussy, i have seen the light! I am not usually a soft guy, i am decent i feel things and take things to heart but with her i was blinded i just loved her a lot, i seen a future with her, a good one, i know it could have worked if we got through the first year with her so busy in college and all but it just all came to a head, i do take some blame though, i said silly things, never malicious but it caused big arguments and thats when she kinda turned cold on us, despite them not being major which showed me she may have not been into it so much but it aint something i can know for sure now.   I reacted well, i gave her space and will do so, i did not beg or make her feel shit i told her she was a great mother, she would do well in college and i wished her happiness, so i can hold my head high. I hope she thinks of me the same and did not just say that to me and fill others with shit about me, she didnt strike me as that type though. I did think she would do it to get me to react and here from me as ive been a ghost this last 2 months really so she must have wondered time to time what i am doing. I will not react to anything done online, as you said work on myself, get happy and see what happens next. I do feel lucky despite my pain being daily almost about it that i had or felt that kind of love, my first time to really feel so strong about a woman and i am almost 30. It can only make me better too. I do wish her well really, deep down i do. She is not a monster, i seen inside her soul, i knew the life she leads, how hectic it is, her personal issues and struggles, she is a brilliant mother, she is doing her level best, i wish her love and happiness but from what i seen, she has stuff to sort out first before she can truly have that, i hope she does. We can put to much emphasis on social media now, people lose there minds when blocked or deleted but thats people acting out, showing emotion, rage, a moment, we got caught up in moments, i do think months down the line she will regret deleting me there but it wont matter then.   Appreciate your words they help and i will keep growing, next time i fall in love i will be in a much stronger position, i know that for sure 🙂

  • Klauss 2016-02-22 12:11:43

    @od_dude sorry for late reply been busy lately focusing in improving myself ;). "I just want to add the Social networking thing, the ghosting technique existed long before Facebook, its irrelevant if she on yours or not. If they aren’t playing games, ( constantly liking your updates, etc ) and you can stay off their page leave them on, unfortunately its too tempting for most of us, alternatively you can assign them to acquaintance, then hide most of your pics and status from  acquaintances.  The added bonus of ghosting will make them wonder and most likely miss you more, as seeing you on Facebook can be comforting to them, you gone completely makes them wonder what your really doing.  Dawson advocates deleting, BD says its ok, it really depends on your situation at the time, but being on FB or not wont make them miss you more, their memories and time will do that,  ive been boomeranged a number of times in my life by exes, and many of of them were before Facebook and the longest one was 7 years after, and technically one was a crush from high school who contacted me 20 years later who i didn’t sleep with in high school, and then ended up fucking her on and off for three years, its memories and time not Facebook.  Personally if they are with some one else, I’m gone, i dont want to or need to know about it, and I’m focused on myself, its sends a clear message as well, if your not in my life fucking me, I’m not wasting a minute of my time on you, period, including FB.  I may unblock them at a later date when I’m emotional clear, and dont give a fuck anymore." Great post and when you say it that way the social media aspect really doesnt matter that much. Its like you say if you have the self-control and being alpha 2.0 you can simply keep them there but if you are more emotional/alpha 1.0 as I was I simply had to block my ex lover to get over her and get my head clear. I blocked her around NYE, today I was at the gym and ive been starting to work out very hard and I saw my ex there. I was on the threadmill and she took the threadmill next to me and smiled and said hi I just said hi back said "long time no see" basically. Went on with my workout and she came around again and we chit-chatted a bit but I didnt pitch a meet unfortuantely I just asked her what she was up to and how life is etc and went back to training and left it at that. The reason im bringing this up is to encourage other people out there, as a matter of fact ive lost 6kg since new years and I look good now, my ex noticed and was checking me out and this is just the beginning. I am gaining power again I finally am slowly dropping the oneitis and I really dont give much fucks anymore I simply trying to focus on myself and live the life i want. I dont know if she is still with her boyfriend or not as stated before in the blog it doesnt matter, next time I will try and pitch a meet but just remember with this girl I was very AFC/beta and her attraction dropped but I think its slowly coming back and she misses me. I definately would like to have sex with her again but if not its not the end of the world, but how would you guys approach a similar situation? I guess deep down I still want her to work to get me back I dont want to be too desperate and thats why I just kept the conversation cool and left it at that. But same time its the mans work to actually pitch a meet and make something happen. I guess next time just tell her, its been a while and ask if she wants to meet up for a drink, like a regular date/hookup I guess? Either way, now back to the standard work, definately a motivation to see my oneitis checking me out like she used to do back in the days and actually making an effort talking to me. I seriously thought it was 100% over a few months ago and impossible to fuck her again but the way she looked and contacted me she definately missed me or wanted something. To anyone who recently been dumped or having a hard time getting over someone, remember to love youself, hit the gym and be the man and women (and your ex) will notice. Good luck guys, will update if I manage to pitch a meet and get her back in bed :).    

  • Carl 2016-02-22 15:19:48

    It turns out you were right, Martin. I contacted her and asked If It was over, and she said "I don't know" and then asked me "What do you think?" and proceeded to say she "doesn't know what she wants in our relationship" and that she tought I didn't want to talk to her anymore. Well, I didn't say what I wanted with her either. Then the following happened: I was at the gym when we were talking and by coincidence she was near by. I told her I wanted to give her something(I picked up a dirty rock from the ground and hide It), when I saw her I made a surprise and gave her the rock(lol), she then came and jumped at me, and we kissed. She behaved very lovely and caring in the brief moment we talked(she had a important meeting), and she even touched my dick. Well, It seems I am still in the game. She said she wants to have sex with me and left saying she will contact me about It. But the problem is she wouldn't say what she wants(regarding the future of our relationship) and this uncertainty worries me. Where do I go from here?

  • Martin 2016-02-22 21:21:07

    @Carl Great! I'm happy for you. I knew this would happen, its standard for women to need space, man their hormones change all the time so one moment they're in love and one moment they want nothing to do with you. Don't take it personally just understand that IT WILL BE THIS WAY ALWAYS. Let her come to you, when she contacts you set a date and have fun and hook up. Then give her the space to come to you and do not contact her instantly the next day. Give her the silence in between dates so she has time to develop feelings for you. Do not worry about dating labels. Just focus on setting the next date and then have fun with her and have sex. That is all you need to focus on, its her job to focus on the dating labels and what you are, and she will bring those up when shes ready. Never talk about relationship labels, just focus on your next date and do not talk about future. She wants to have fun with you and you're trying to ruin it by some serious relationship talk. She'll fall in love with you if you just focus on what man should focus on: setting the dates when she contacts you and then having fun. When shes ready she'll bring up the relationship talk. Drop that approval seeking uncertainty about your relationship. If you dont want to lose her again then do not focus on that. Focus on your mission and let her come to you in her own pace. Man she wants to have sex with you and you're trying to talk her out of that if you talk about being boyfriend girlfriend. She doesnt know what she wants in a relationship but she knows that she wants to have sex with you, so do that. She will know eventually if you just focus on showing her great time. How you acted in the start of relationship and how you got her to like you, you must act always that way if you want to keep her attracted. And I bet you didnt talk about your relationship on your first date?

  • Carl 2016-02-23 04:50:29

    Yeah, It seems I made a mistake when confronting her about our relationship's future. I will take It slow from now on. Now I fear I turned her off and she might not contact me after that; by the way, in the time we were together, she would never initiates contact anyway. Is It ok If I do that if she doesn't?

  • Martin 2016-02-23 05:37:03

    Carl she probably never initiated BECAUSE you never gave her the chance to do that. You probably were always texting her something if you hadnt heard from her in few days. Am I right? She has NO REASON to initiate because of your actions. She will initiate when she hasnt heard from you, be it week or few. "She said she wants to have sex with me and left saying she will contact me about It." now just wait for her to contact you and anything she says you instantly set the date, do not start pursuing now by initiating when she has said she'll contact you (when shes ready). Be patient, theres no rush.

  • Klauss 2016-02-23 05:57:04

    Hey again, wanted to add another comment. As I mentioned earlier I met my ex yesterday at the gym and she was very flirtatious and asking how I was etc I was tired from the training and was just friendly but never pitched a meet. I am thinking of messaging her tomorrow and do as adviced in the blog saying I thought about her and ask if she wants to meet up in order to have sex. What would you guy say on this? Its been more than 4 months since we split and I have gone full no contact and shes blocked on social media I guess she missed me but she hasnt done any effort to really ask me out. I just want to make sure I dont come off as too needy by doing this, as she was the one who rejected me and treated me like a doormat in the past. Obviously im in another place now and if she would reject or simply say no its back to ignore 2-3 months unless she contacts me again. Just want to be 100% I do things right this time. So: is it ok to shoot away a text to her in 1-2 days and saying it was nice to hear from her and ask if she wants to grab a drink and catch up? Or should I just leave it and keep living the life im doing now. Thanks

  • Carl 2016-02-23 08:31:01

    @Martin No, I wouldn't always text her, quite the contrary, I would give her the same treatment she gave me by also rarely contacting her throughout the day. Believe me, this situation always pissed me off. The problem is she never invested too much in our relationship, what makes me think she doesn't like me a much as I like her.

  • od_dude 2016-02-23 17:32:50

    @ Klauss

    As I mentioned earlier I met my ex yesterday at the gym and she was very flirtatious and asking how I was etc I was tired from the training and was just friendly but never pitched a meet.
    She fishing, i wouldn't text her, but wait for another happenstance at the gym, pitch a meet for drinks at your place or a pub, either way escalate quickly. Klauss your doing the right thing, perfect, your upping you stock, improving your assets, keep doing this, its increases the odd of them coming to you, it will never drive them away. I love this story, every one on here should read this if they haven't, I never seek revenge, it takes energy from me and wastes in on a person who doesn't matter, take that pain and anger and invest it in you.

  • Klauss 2016-02-24 01:02:55

    @ od_dude I read that story I saw you linked it before, here is quicker one btw: http://aaronbleyaert.tumblr.com/post/109959086957 Its awesome and made my day better :). Thanks for the input I will keep doing what im doing and if she reaches out again I will try pitch a meet in a smooth way and take it from there. Will update here if anything else happens but for now its time to increase my value ;). Best regards

  • onedream 2016-02-24 07:28:24

    Hey fellas, dated this girl for about a year I work with she cheated on her bf thinks were great but ex kept lingering around i got emotional and kept pressing her until one day she wanted out we still work together and she keeps it friendly and makes remarks on what we have done all the time, is she playing mind games, what does she want or what I do I see her constantly at work but thats about it, shes 23 in 32 thank you

  • od_dude 2016-02-24 11:19:07

    @ onedream you already broke the rules, you slept with a chick you work closely with, plus you became beta, so now your fucked. dude if shes not giving you the landing signs, she playing games period, ive said it a million times here, you all know when a chick wants you, they let you know, and if its ambiguous then she playing the game called "i used to want you but now i just want you to pay attention to me." i call it "come here come here go away go away" and they will all do it if you let them. Onedream, you need to break all contact with her except when necessary, and join a gym, do everything you can to get your mind off her, and be absent, and its going to suck four times more for you because you have to see her every day.  IF you have to fuck a chick you work with, make sure she in a different department or on a different floor, ABSOLUTLY dont fuck some one your work closely with or is your boss, you need to be able to put distance between you when things go south.  And finally Onedream did you think you were so special that she cheated on her boyfriend for you, i'm fine with nailing a chick who has boyfriend, but dont ever think its because your the one, for fucks sake dude, women like that are NRE junkies, they lose the energy with the old and need the Oxycontin rush of a new one and you gave her a new rush, trust me your not special and when you lose your ability to give them the rush they  move to some one new, she still an emotional child at 23, i suggest you treat her as one.

  • onedream 2016-02-24 12:17:22

    @od_dude Thanks, she tells people from other departmens that she miss me but with me shes like nothing happen, friendly thats it, i wanna keep fucking her until i can detach physically, sex was great. emotionally im cutting my losses, , is there a chance? I act like nothing happen at work. she sends random text here and there.

  • onedream 2016-02-24 12:25:10

    my ego got in the way she came back once we fucked she loved it then she ignore my calls again how do i reverse this game i got involved in there are still some feelings not as strong since i realized whats going on . am i being stupid for not putting this past me? what if she comes back? i dont want to wait just want to get my closure help is much appreciated fellas

  • Carl 2016-02-24 17:31:46

    You want to "detach physically", but yet you keep having sex with her? The fact is you are physically and emotionally attached to this lady, can't you see that? Just ignore her, I know It's hard, but you gotta give It a try. If sex is the problem, she is not the only one you can have sex with. How about going out and meeting new people? Stop depending on her.

  • od_dude 2016-02-24 17:37:46

    @ onedream step 1 next time she contacts you for anything not work related, escalate to an intimate meeting, tell her to come over to your place you miss her and want to see her again, if she gives you anything other than a yes, go to step 2. Step 2  blocker her and ghost her as best you can, and do not respond to any ambiguous text from her, or anything indirect from friends. If she directly contacts you again, repeat step one. Send a clear message to her, your either fucking me or you get nothing from me, period, and even let her know if she doesn't want you, you have some one else take her job.  She is a child, and you need to treat her like one, your a 32 year old man and she a teenager, be the man.

  • Anthony 2016-02-24 17:44:58

    By the way, being single has inspired me to go for my Ph.D next year. Martin is right guys, increase your stock. Time AND gravity decreases theirs.

  • onedream 2016-02-24 19:02:24

    @od_dude . Thanks for all th feedback , she sents some remakrs through text as of what we've done but havent reply yet. I might be in denial and still holding on the good times. its harder when it happened so sudden and no exact reason as of why. your mind gets fucked over wondering what you did wrong when everything seemed right. my ego keeps getting in the way and its a loss thats hard to cut loose especially if you feel mindfucked. once you have become a beta from an alpha is there a way to redeem yourself. thanks fellas. one thing for sure once something gets in the way of your daily life its time for change , whatevwr that is.

  • Martin 2016-02-24 21:47:10

    Onedream "she tells people from other departmens that she miss me but with me shes like nothing happen, friendly thats it, i wanna keep fucking her until i can detach physically, sex was great. emotionally im cutting my losses, , is there a chance? I act like nothing happen at work. she sends random text here and there."   Man, she sends you texts so why dont you try to make a date when she initiates contact?? From now on whatever she texts you, you respond with "hey i'd love to see you, when you are free to get together?" then when she tells her available days pick one and drinks or dinner at your place in the evening. Then escalate to sex. If she denies that then say call me if you change your mind. If she keeps contacting you after that you set the the date again and if she doesnt come to your place then you say that please do not contact me ever again if you dont want to be my lover, we have no reason to talk otherwise unless its about work. I want you and I cannot be just your texting buddy, so call me if you ever change your mind. Get better in negotiation, negotiate what you want with this girl and if she doesnt give that then its: well.....bye. Just like od_dude said. Do that, its so simple what you need to do now. This stuff isnt rocket science. If she wont mount your cock then shes done, she changed your relationship terms against your will so give her the gift of missing you. If you do this you'll get her or someone better.

  • onedream 2016-02-25 15:20:28

    thanks for all the feedback fellas. shes playing this game good, mad nonechalant at work. and flirty but when i approach, hostility. i decided to block and wait for contact. if a chick wants to reach out to you she will find a way. until then it sucks when you have feelings but fuck it. i was sold the dream and she knows that now so shes playing the game. when i wasnt into it she was all over it. Can you gain that upper hand in situations like this. or they are doomed. this is for future reference.

  • od_dude 2016-02-25 15:57:53

    @ onedream Yes you get the upper hand, but dropping them on their asses, going to the gym, buying nice clothes and up your stock, use pint-rest for style reference.  She will contact you, because she an egotistical child, and if you've raised your game she will be back in your sack, but never never give her the emotional upper hand again, always let her think she is quickly replaced if she isn't giving you what you want, and remember what she done, she not a keeper, she has a huge amount of growing up to do.  Now Ghost her the best you can, and avoid her as much as possible at work, only be present if you have to be, that means avoid her on breaks or in the cafe if you know shes there.  Meet some other women and preferably not at your work, friends of co workers are fair game.  You are a 32 year old man, you are the power, not some 23 year old tart, she is just one of millions of vaginas, she young, stupid and thinks hers is gold apparently, and if shes pretty she have plenty of betas chasing it to reaffirm her delusions, unfortunately these girls take decades to grow up.  If you dont work, out start now, i cant stress enough that getting into great shape gives you a massive amount of upper hand.

  • onedream 2016-02-25 20:26:23

    @od_dude u the real deal. ghost her. called block. asking if theres other women. she hung up. no meet. im in great shape and im onto this is to get an upper hand. everytime i seemed to follow my emotions it took me nowhere. shes pushing me away more with these stupid games. ill see where this goes. if i dont see results as much as it hurts. it doesnt seem to be worth the time. challenge is on.

  • Anthony 2016-02-26 02:20:53

    You'll be fine onedream....the world is awash in pussy.

  • od_dude 2016-02-26 15:05:19

    @ onedream

    asking if there's other women
    Not surprising, girls that age are rarely secure, the way to get her back is to play on her insecurities, make it clear she will be replaced quickly, and you dont need her.  Stick to your guns, ignore until she contacts you directly and agrees to meet you, otherwise your banging other chicks> Let her play her stupid games, your not playing anymore, she will come running back when she thinks your moving on with some one else.

  • Gary 2016-02-26 16:40:32

    Im just so pissed off at myself. Here I was giving this girl money and help because she was sick and planned to stick with her untill the end and she dumps my ass while a 60year old hangs out over there all the goddamn time.She still swears hes just a friend. They sure came to the door like a couple when I confronted them. I feel like a fucking idiot

  • Anthony 2016-02-26 18:35:46

    Gary, Consider this a lesson and keep it moving.

  • Gary 2016-02-27 06:41:56

    What does that say about me to get left for some avg 60guy by a girl most likely dying of cancer? I thought I was doing the right thing.

  • onedream 2016-02-27 08:17:38

    @od_dude you right, it could also be shes playing the controlling game really good. called at 4am. didnt answer. still playing it cool at the office. it has become a mind game at my expense. this sucks. holding strong. so far. when do you give in a little.

  • Martin 2016-02-27 10:49:17

    @Gary if a woman whos dying from cancer leaves you when you were caring and loving and wished to help her by your best ability, that doesnt say ANYTHING about you. It says all about her. Just let that other guy have her, its better that way. You're appreciative and loving to her and shes just "meh", well then shes just not right for you and she doesnt get to have your valuable time then. Wish her the best from your heart and move on without any emotional punishing. You wanted to workout things but shes not having it, so just let go and end things with wishing her the best. If she feels anything towards you she'll contact you someday in the future. Yes it sucks that you care about her a lot and then she doesnt care shit about your caring, it hurts you deep from the inside. So give her the gift of missing you. It's all you can do. Move on not to get her back, but move on for your sake. Because you need time to heal so you can attract a woman who you want and who wants you too. You want a woman who's crazy about you who cant wait to hangout with you again. It doesnt make sense to want someone who doesnt want you anymore. You cant change her feelings for you with words, only time and space can. Bet that the moment you've moved on and forgotten her, thats when shes got bored of the guy and she contacts you. But then you might be with a woman who's head over heels in love with you and you rather be with her, because she values you and shows it. Give your valuable time to women who fucks your brains out, not to those wishy washy hot & cold ones.

  • Gary 2016-02-27 15:18:55

    Thats a very good post. Im having a hell of a time with this for some reason. This gal chased me for a year when I could take or leave it. Shes cute but only about a ,6 I just liked her. There was an electricity there. Im to old for this shit . Fuck im worse than when I was 30going through this. I work out , im in good shape and look young and here I am all hung up on a girl none of you would want. Shit 90percent of the guys would have left her after all her problems and cancer started. Im not going to contact her im just very pissed off. I feel like getting some sttess relief by beating that guy senseless

  • Anthony 2016-02-27 15:54:05

    Gary, Better to beat a punching bag than that guy. Touch him and you can get a record. It's not worth it. Martin is on point about this. She has cancer for god-sakes and STILL has bitchy behavior. Dude, you don't need to walk away from this girl. You need to RUN faster than Usain Bolt at the Olympics. Her lost, not yours.

  • Bill 2016-02-27 18:21:30

    It's so fucking simple!

  • od_dude 2016-02-27 21:06:35

    @ onedream You never give in until they are in your bed.  She calls at 4 am, pick up the phone tell her to come over and talk, if she says no, say bye and hang up, if she texts you, tell her to come to your place and talk, if she says no, don't text back.  If she wants to talk at work, tell her your busy on a task, but she can come to your place and talk later, if she says no, say excuse me I need to get this task done, bye.  Its simple you will pay attention to her if she banging you, any time she makes direct contact set up a meet then escalate to sex, if she wont, you ignore her and your putting your time into some one that will.

  • Martin 2016-02-29 12:03:41

    Here's a quote to all you guys pining after your ex: "Never get jealous when you see someone with your ex. Remember what our parents taught us when we were little? We have to give our used toys to the 'less fortunate'." Especially for Gary, just let that other dude have her. It was just your turn, and its now his turn, but his turn will also come to an end. It's a scientific fact. That's just the way women are, accept it and you'll see that theres no need to get pissed over their nature.

  • Klauss 2016-03-02 11:40:17

    Can make a small update. I ran into my ex again at the gym, this time she approached me again but not as flirty as last time. I was a bit cold though but I kept doing my thing but after the workout I decided to text her and ask if she wanted to meet for drinks and catch up at my place. She said she was up for it and we set a date the week after (today) and now she just flaked. She asked if its ok we do it another time and I just responded: "Hey, no problem its fine :)" Back to ignoring again and keep working, I guess I fell for the temptation of catching up and trying to get into her pants again but since ive been at the 4 months ignoring mark I thought it was ok. But atleast from now on its easy to move forward and I actually managed to sleep with 2 women during this last weekend so its all good :). She simply responded : "Cool thanks" with no idea of rescheduling etc, did I handle the flakeing correct? I didnt want to try and reschedule another date, at this point if she had interest she would have brought something up and she would have NOT flaked. So in a way its good, im not wasting my time and guess the only thing I can do now is wait for her to reach out. Wanted to ventilate my experience, how would you guys handle it now if I see her out? Should I simply smile, say hi and walk on and not engage in any special conversations? Thanks    

  • od_dude 2016-03-02 11:58:13

    @ Klauss you did that exactly right, you pitched a meet she agreed, then flaked.  Now you vanish again,  this situation can continue for years, but if she reaches out again before the four month mark, by all means pitch a meet, i know others disagree, but sometimes i pitch the meet at pub for drinks, this makes them feel like there not being total whores, some chicks just want to believe there not whores even though they like getting fucked as much as we do, but what ever, ill placate the delusions. After a few drinks i can feel the energy out between us and then escalate to my place or the car 🙂

  • Klauss 2016-03-02 12:14:48

    @od_dude thanks bro, yeah exactly back to focusing on my stock and mission in life.    

  • Martin 2016-03-02 22:10:43

    Klauss at least she now knows that you want her but you dont need her. You were indifferent about the date happening but of course you'd like to have seen her in a romantic setting. She knows this now and when she contacts you in the future she knows the dynamic between you two. If she contacts you shes ok with you two being romantic, because you set that frame. Then just set the meeting again. She could've been on her period thats why she wasnt so flirty and thats why she flaked. In less than 2 weeks she'll be ovulating and fucking horny and if she makes the contact then go for it. I wouldn't initiate contacting now, she has to do it. But if you see her in the gym then its obviously ok to say hi and do flirty chat for a min.

  • Klauss 2016-03-03 06:31:34

    @ Martin Exactly, I made the dynamics clear atleast and I think the reason she flaked was that she knew what I wanted and she wasnt ready for it. I think shes still seeing some guy and all I can do is to see if she makes contact or not, I dont think I should do anything more than waiting at this point. If this was a random girl I would probably try contact her again in one week (or set up a new timeframe right on the flake) and try set a date but since this is a girl I have history with and had sex with many times I guess its better to just wait and see, the ball is in her court now. Yeah I will try and be friendly at the gym, life goes on and nothing really happened there is no point in being butthurt about her flaking. I mentioned this before but I will mention it again btw, im getting in good shape now ive lost alot kgs since the beginning of the year and im feeling way more confident and better. The flow comes almost naturally and it really helps in EVERY aspect of life, even now this girl used to be a huge oneitis and being flaked like this would have hurt me a bit in the past but I barely care now, as a matter of fact her flake just made it easier for me to look forward because now im starting to realise my worth and other women does aswell. So I just want to point out how important it is to get in good shape, if its hard to get started get a proper preworkout and go lifting and life will automatically be easier :).  

  • od_dude 2016-03-03 14:23:58

    im getting in good shape now ive lost alot kgs since the beginning of the year and im feeling way more confident and better
    Ive been stressing this through out the post, you cant underestimate how much power this give you, i'm in my mid 40's and i keep my self in top shape, i regularly get approached by mid 20's girls,  the gym gives you power, low body fat will make you look your best.  In addition to this get some style if you haven't already, i recommend pint-rest for style guides, and you dont have to spend a fortune to like like you spent it, i regularly get top clothing at discount and thrift stores, you'd be surprised at what people and higher end stores toss out after barely using or not selling, id rather spend my money on my golf clubs, nice watches, trucks and fishing trips.   Klauss its all about taking your power back, once you have your power back, its an amazing feeling. PS, im sure your ex has noticed your physical changes at the gym which is why shes snooping around a bit.

  • onedream 2016-03-04 13:32:17