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The Online Dating Profile I Wish I Could Write
Below is the online dating profile I, and many other men, wish they could write on a dating site. I do not recommend writing up a profile like this; it won't work. It directly assaults women's Societal Programming and thus women will turn away in droves. This is just an interesting thought experiment. What if I could write an online dating profile that was 100% blunt, honest, and up-front about absolutely everything, without trying any techniques or game whatsoever? It would look something like this...
-By Caleb Jones
Once we start spending time together and we know we like each other, that's a different story. I have no problem with spending money on you at that point (within reason of course). My point is it takes time to get there. If you really need a guy to spend several hundred dollars on you just for you to sit and talk to him several times, then you should probably move on and find someone else. Don't worry! There are lots of men like that on this dating site; you will have absolutely no problem finding several who will happily agree to that deal.
I live a very happy and exciting life, and I'm literally one of the happiest men I know. I'm happy because I've purposely structured my life to be happy, in all areas, including my financial life, my women life, my health, etc. I'm very goal-oriented and very motivated. My work is very important to me and holds great meaning in my life. While I'm not one of these Type A stress-ball guys who work 80 hours a week and are never available, my work is a priority in my life, so if you're the kind of woman who gets irritated that the man she's with is sometimes unavailable at odd hours because he works hard, you really should move on and find someone else.
I don't do sexual monogamy. Let me explain that before you spit out your coffee and your eyes bug out of your skull. I am happy to, and would like to, have a particular woman in my life whom I love, take care of, be with, and commit to. However, even in that kind of relationship (something I call an OLTR), I still have to be allowed to discreetly get a little on the side sexually while wearing a condom. And before you ask the question, yes, you as the woman will be allowed to get a little on the side if you want to also. Fair is fair.
Why do I require this? Because I'm a man, and that's how I'm biologically wired. If you don't like it, you really should talk to god, not me. I didn't design the system, I'm just a victim of it. As you no doubt have already experienced several times in your past relationships with men, if you never, ever let a guy get a little on the side, he will eventually cheat on you behind your back. I'm sure that's happened to you before and I'm sure you didn't like it. So my answer is to eliminate the middleman of deceit and drama and just be honest. It's the adult thing to do. Only teenagers believe in perfect Disney fairy tale relationships. I'm hoping you're more intelligent and mature than that.
If you would rather be with a man who promises you absolute sexual monogamy, who will later cheat on you behind your back because he's lying to you when he makes that promise, then you really should find another man. I don't lie to women, but this dating site is full of men who will happily lie to your face by making that promise. If that's what you want, go for it!
True, you could dump that guy before he cheats on you, but I'm looking for something very, very long term. If you're looking for a new man to get really excited about at first but whom you will get bored with a year or two later and dump, you really should move on and find someone else. I only like long-term relationships.
Let's see...what else?
Oh yeah. We should probably talk about kids, because if you don't already have two kids, you'll probably want some more. If you already have kids, I'm perfectly fine with that. I know a lot of men will consider you baggage or damaged goods. I do not. I like kids and think it's perfectly fine if you have some.
If you don't have any kids and want some, or if you already have kids and want more, that gets a little complicated. I already have two kids myself, but they're more or less grown now, and if I have more kids it will sap much of the newfound freedom I now experience by not having any.
The same goes for legal marriage. I suppose I could be talked into it under certain unusual conditions, but I really have no interest in being legally married, since these days it's just too risky for high-income men. Actually, it's risky for all men, but the more money involved the more risky and dangerous it gets, even if a woman signs a prenuptial agreement, which is something I doubt you'll be excited about doing. What I do want is to live with a woman as husband and wife. I think that would be fantastic. I will also cover most of the bills since it's statistically likely that I make more money than you. I will still expect you to work and bring in income though; you can't be a freeloader and I'm not a sugar daddy. But my point is I won't be stingy with my wife and I'll take care of you, provided your drama stays low (and don't forget about that no-monogamy thing).
So if you're still here, which I doubt, and you're still interested in meeting me, which I doubt, then message me and we'll go to a very nice bar where I'll buy a drink or two (but that's it) and talk for about an hour. I will be a complete gentleman and not try to have sex with you in any way. No pressure at all.
That being said, if you and I hit it off, then the next time we meet, or perhaps the time after that, we'll have sex, and it will be fantastic. I'm no Casanova but I'm very good in bed compared to most men and very good at bringing women to orgasms, often multiple orgasms.
What is that I hear? You don't want to have sex within three dates? Hey, that's great. I respect that decision, but you really should move on and find another guy. I realize that women can build a connection with a man without sex, but men don't work that way. We need the physical act of sex to build a real emotional connection and bond with someone. I'm sure you're great, but I have no interest in going on repeated dates with someone I can't build a connection with because she has some kind of rule about when she's allowed to have sex.
Again, it's how we men were built, and again, if you hate that, complain to god, not me. I will wear a condom and show you recent blood test results that show I'm clean (I get tested for every STD under the sun every 3-4 months, religiously), so you won't need to worry about STDs. Again, if you really think sex within three dates is horrible/evil beyond belief, then it would never work out between us because I only emotionally connect to women who are comfortable with sex. I am definitely not the man for you, and as always there are plenty of men on this dating site who will happily agree to many dates with zero sex. Message me if you want, otherwise I hope you find what you're looking for! Either way, have fun!
So there you go. If I actually put that profile up on a dating site and sent out some openers, my response rate would be about 1% from women under age 33, and 0% from women over 33. In other words, it would be a huge waste of my time. Writing this, I started thinking about what a woman would write if she was being completely blunt and honest on her profile without trying any "female game." Hmm. Sounds like I should do a blog post on that too...
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honeycomb 2015-02-01 07:09:41
hehehehe .. a post on "completely blunt and honest" women .. that should be a short post .. if you find an example online please share it.
AKA 2015-02-01 09:16:29
Women already get to write blunt and honest profiles. That's why you see them posting their list of 500 demands that the potential man must meet.
honeycomb 2015-02-01 09:37:30
@AKA .. Actually that's not correct. No woman is honest with herself. So, how can she then be honest about anything else? Woman .. "I want a nice guy." Nice Guy .. "Why do all the women who use me for diner hook-up with the bad guy?!?!?!" Don't listen to what a woman says. In fact it usually is the opposite. You have to watch what thet do. Lists are a weeding out process. Nice guys are the only ones that follow the lists. And we know their track record .. don't we?
Blackdragon 2015-02-01 10:28:02
You're both right. They write blunt and honest profiles about the beta male they want. They keep hidden all the aspects of the Alpha they want.
honeycomb 2015-02-01 13:04:14
hehehe .. I demand a recount Blackdragon .. lol I can see a hangin chad from here .. too funny. I just rarely see any sencerity in the ladies profiles. They all want the princess experience. And why not? They've been told they deserve it for so long and by so many other women they believe it must be available. Hence why your honest profile would never work on them. Most women deserve to grow old alone. And by the looks of it .. your ploy may work in a few more years depending on the economy. Would love the outcome for a lot of men if this came true. Cheers .. Here's to wives and mistresses .. May the two never meet.
POB 2015-02-01 13:20:10
It's funny 'cause I did something like this way back then on POF just to see how it would fly. Here is what happened: 1) Got zero responses from my openers 2) Got tons of ugly chicks opening me and complimenting my honesty
Blackdragon 2015-02-01 16:01:34
They all want the princess experience. And why not? They’ve been told they deserve it for so long and by so many other women they believe it must be available. Hence why your honest profile would never work on them.True, but the princess experience is still something they want. They're not being dishonest when they say they want that. They do want it. Where the non-disclosure comes in where they also want the freedom to get bored with you and drop you / divorce you whenever they want so they can go ride some Alpha cock for a while and/or trade up to a more compliant and/or wealthier beta male. A woman will never state in an profile that her never-ending avoidance of boredom will always be more important than the man in her life.
got zero responses from my openersYup! A real-life equivalent: back in 2007 I told women flat out, on the very first date, that I was dating other women and was going on lots of dates at the moment. I wanted to be honest and up-front. Hey, that's what women say they want! An honest, up-front guy! Okay! Do you think it worked? Do you think I got laid? Heh.
Vaquero357 2015-02-01 18:01:00
"A woman will never state in an profile that her never-ending avoidance of boredom will always be more important than the man in her life." Solid, solid gold. Always keep this in mind when dealing with your women. Make your future plans regarding them with this fact front and center. And *don't expect* them to behave any differently. It's not their fault, they're not evil, they don't go thru life making elaborate schemes how to mess up beta males' lives. It's just the way they are. Took me about 42 out of 50 years to figure this out (with a lot of help from this blog and some of the key forums, including BD's), and since I have, the "woman side" of my life has been SO much happier. Vaquero.
Vaquero357 2015-02-01 18:03:42
And....women are no different from most guys. What they think they want and what they say they want really isn't what they want. They're fooling themselves b/c of their societal programming. If people could start being more honest with themselves, maybe they would start being more honest with others. But don't expect BD's open, honest, no BS profile to become the norm in our lifetimes! Vaquero.
RedKnight 2015-02-01 22:06:49
In this case, honest is good when it aligns with a woman's interests. If it doesn't, then you're a jerk and an asshole. Btw, BD, I have seen so many women set up their profile similar to the one you listed in the post, however, the biggest difference is the angry, jaded tone. Geez, I wonder why.
POB 2015-02-02 06:27:46
Another thing I've noticed is that some online chicks are becoming really really rude. This is happening specially after the first back and forth with them. At first they sound nice and warm and then, out of the blue, they explode and tell you to fuck off for no reason. Maybe betas are to blame for the creation of these little monsters?
oliver 2015-02-02 07:50:53
Definitely an interesting thought experiment, and it drives home the point that the entire human race lives in delusions of one sort of another. It's just a matter of which ones you end up embracing. Non-blue pill (manosphere)-types have theirs, women have theirs, betas have their own. I don't think 100% truth will allow one to be "successful" in life - you need to dress it up with some delusion, because that's the way the game is played.
Greg 2015-02-02 08:22:09
"I realize that women can build a connection with a man without sex, but men don’t work that way. We need the physical act of sex to build a real emotional connection and bond with someone." Don't orbiters do the same thing? Or did you purposely exclude them from the 'men' category? "So there you go. If I actually put that profile up on a dating site and sent out some openers, my response rate would be about 1% from women under age 33, and 0% from women over 33. In other words, it would be a huge waste of my time." Wouldn't those 1% be very high quality women for you? Would it not even out in the end (relationships/time spent)?
oliver 2015-02-02 08:35:49
@greg I suspect Blackdragon is talking about himself, his preferences. I have certainly built a connection with women without sex. Shit, I grew up catholic until I was early 20s and had all that nonsense spewed at me, but I did have romantic connections with women without sex being involved.
Blackdragon 2015-02-02 10:09:35
Another thing I’ve noticed is that some online chicks are becoming really really rude. This is happening specially after the first back and forth with them. At first they sound nice and warm and then, out of the blue, they explode and tell you to fuck off for no reason.I haven't run into that yet. That sounds like a regional thing to me.
Non-blue pill (manosphere)-types have theirs, women have theirs, betas have their own. I don’t think 100% truth will allow one to be “successful” in life – you need to dress it up with some delusion, because that’s the way the game is played.I think the goal should be, at the very initial dating stages, to package your message as honestly as possible but in a way that moves the interaction with the other person forward, and as quickly as possible. Be too up-front, and you'll blow the other person out (this is also true with women trying to get a particular man by the way). Try to move things too fast, you'll still blow the person out. As is often the case, the sweet spot is in the middle.
Don’t orbiters do the same thing? Or did you purposely exclude them from the ‘men’ category?A little of both. A woman is not likely going to be attracted to an orbiter-type guy; that's why he's an orbiter and not fucking her. And the emotional connection of an orbiter longing to nail his platonic female friend does not compare at all to the emotional connection of a masculine man in a relationship with a woman he cares about and is having sex with. Two completely different things. Both involve caring, but one is a longing and a fantasy, the other is real, deep, and spiritual.
Blackdragon 2015-02-02 10:11:54
Wouldn’t those 1% be very high quality women for you? Would it not even out in the end (relationships/time spent)?No. The majority of them would not end up on a real-life date and also be fat or less attractive, just as POB indicated above when he tried it. Trust me. Putting up a profile like this would not work. Regardless of what they say, women do not want this kind of blunt honesty from men at the initial outset. And again, neither do men from women.
Matija 2015-02-02 11:25:13
Hey what dating sites do you suggest for people in countrys like Croatia, i live in Zagreb, the capital with around 1 million people, but cant get a match on tinder, is tinder even worth wasting time on ? its a underdeveloped country and people are conservative with all that monogamus relationship shit, feels like kinda impossible to get oltr or mltr, FB kinda... should i switch immediately to night game/day game, night game i get some luck from time to time...
RedKnight 2015-02-02 19:28:41
I have to say with all this talk about women needing an emotional connection, most of the women I've met online wouldn't know an emotional connection if it bit them on the ass. Most of it is self-serving game playing. That sounds really bitter when I type it, however that's just an observation.
lazy guy 2015-02-02 21:15:04
BD, thanks for some amusing, smart entertainment -- appreciated. One aspect of people balking at wide open honesty is that often they require you to let them pretend they are not aware of XYZ facts about you. i.e., 'Secretly, it's okay with me if you have other sex on the side, but you must allow me to pretend I don't know. Don't force me to admit that I know you're doing that and that I want to stay with you anyway.' 'Plausible deniability' -- like 'Gee, I really thought we would just have one drink at your place at 2 AM and then I'd leave. But then, sex just happened somehow. I didn't make a decision earlier.' It comes down to 'I think it's unacceptable to be a person who would accept X or choose Z, so I can never admit that I am that person.'
lazy guy 2015-02-02 21:20:41
BD, your comment about how crucial it is to 'proceed at the speed which is acceptable to that woman' is so true, and yet I see very little teaching offered about how to read her preference for how fast things will advance with you. Maybe it's just a matter of experience; you learn to do it right intuitively ... Comments?
POB 2015-02-03 05:45:59
Chicks online play A LOT because they have to (in no particular order): - deal with hordes of betas kissing their golden asses and boring them to death; - fullfil their disney fantasies and; - find a good looking alpha to sweep them from their feet when both are humping in bed. That's why you'll suceed if you have some game: to counteract all this crap and show them some real men value.
Erynn Haskins 2015-02-03 08:03:12
I enjoyed reading this so much. Even though you more than likely wouldn't hear back, I would completely respect your honesty and bluntness. It's refreshing lol. However it is kind of sad that most men think this way when trying to find a mate. What you mentioned about how it takes sex to create an emotional connection was quite disappointing, but even I know it's true. I'd prefer this kind of profile though because at least you know what you're signing up for.
RedKnight 2015-02-03 13:49:26
Eyran, you just said "I enjoyed reading this so much. Even though you more than likely wouldn’t hear back, I would completely respect your honesty and bluntness. " You liked reading it but probably wouldn't respond. And then "However it is kind of sad that most men think this way when trying to find a mate" So, it's sad that men do not have a direct profile which, in your own words, you will not respond to but like to read.
Erynn Haskins 2015-02-03 14:07:43
Haha I guess what I meant is that its cool that he's honest (to me) but most women wont want to respond to it...because we as women don't want a guy who only wants us for sex and who are non monogamous.
Blackdragon 2015-02-03 14:38:35
Hey what dating sites do you suggest for people in countrys like CroatiaAs you said, focus on day or night game. And many countries in your area (not sure about Croatia specifically) are accustomed to "monogamy" where you promise monogamy and just cheat a lot. That may be what women are expecting (sadly).
‘Secretly, it’s okay with me if you have other sex on the side, but you must allow me to pretend I don’t know. Don’t force me to admit that I know you’re doing that and that I want to stay with you anyway.’Yes, true for most women. Goes back to the "monogamy" (in quotes) concept I mentioned above. ie If you DO it it's okay, if you SAY it you're an asshole. (And no, it doesn't make any sense, but we're talking about women here.)
BD, your comment about how crucial it is to ‘proceed at the speed which is acceptable to that woman’ is so true, and yet I see very little teaching offered about how to read her preference for how fast things will advance with you. Maybe it’s just a matter of experience; you learn to do it right intuitively Comments?I don't care what a particular individual woman views as "too fast" or "just right." I only care about how MOST women view this. My entire dating system already reflects this. I don't try to have sex on the first date. But I do try (hard) on the second date. For most women under the age of 33, this is "just right" provided the man does everything correctly. There are a few under-33 women for whom this is "too fast," but I don't care. I just next those and move on to the next woman on the list.
I’d prefer this kind of profile though because at least you know what you’re signing up for.As RedKnight said, you appreciate the honesty but you would pass anyway. Lots of women say this when I talk about this concept. "Wow! That's so great! I really love the honesty! I wish more men were honest like you, but I'll pass. Bye!" And that's exactly why men can't be up-front blunt and honest like this. They'd never get laid. (And to be fair, women can't be blunt and honest up-front with men either.)
we as women don’t want a guy who only wants us for sex and who are non monogamousIf you re-read my profile above, you'll see very clearly that I don't want a woman "just for sex." I want a long-term, live-in relationship with a woman I love and care for very much. ...but true, I won't be monogamous, because virtually no man will be monogamous long-term (they cheat unless the woman breaks up with them first). As I said in the post above, if a woman would rather a man promise monogamy then cheat on her behind her back, she really needs to find someone else. I don't lie to women.
Jack Outside the Box 2015-02-03 16:28:37
@Erynn: So the fact that men don't want a connection without sex is "disappointing" to you? Why? Does this mean you want a connection without sex? Again, why? And when did BD say he wants women for "just sex?"
Erynn Haskins 2015-02-04 06:55:13
@jack clearly I misinterpreted the "just for sex" part. Sorry. So to answer the first question. I'm engaged now and my fiancee actually is one of those guys that can have an emotional connection without even having sex. He's the only person I've met like this. But any woman would want a connection outside of sex. I mean, why wouldn't she?
Jack Outside the Box 2015-02-04 14:54:13
@Erynn: Your question does not compute. Why in the world would anyone want a sexless connection with a member of the opposite gender? It would be hollow and incomplete. It's like having a serious relationship without conversation. It's empty. Also, your fiancé is cheating on you, or is a closeted homosexual.
RedKnight 2015-02-04 17:01:24
What exactly do we mean by an emotional connection? Here we talk about dating, self improvement, and having a great sex life. Emotional connection is a byproduct of a healthy productive individual with another individual that is unique to that moment, or if you prefer of a wanderlust point of view, it is the shared experience that an individual to fully open to understanding and accepting. A sexless emotional connection is platonic. We don't do that here.
POB 2015-02-05 03:38:14
@Erynn: please enlighten us on why are you engaged with a guy that you do not feel sexually attracted to? As @Jack and @Rednight said: really, what's the point? Don't you get it that you won't be happy long-term doing it, and worse, probably leave a big emotional scar on someone else once you break up with him (which you will)?
Erynn Haskins 2015-02-05 06:55:04
I am sexually attracted to him, we just don't have to have sex all the time to have a connection which i think is perfectly normal.
Erynn Haskins 2015-02-05 07:00:05
@Jack ok, so I realize here that my point isn't going to be acceptable. i'm pretty sure most men think the way you do but to say every man is like this is a bit much. We do have a physical relationship, but we don't have to have sex all the time to be connected. that's all im saying.
Jack Outside the Box 2015-02-05 16:18:27
@Erynn: That's like saying, we are not connected all the time in order to be connected all the time. Or, I don't have to have my eyes open in order to see. Does not compute....Does not compute... Overload.... Overload..... You must have a super low sex drive!
Erynn Haskins 2015-02-06 06:26:16
lol no, i don't. we can agree to disagree.
kerry 2015-12-03 17:13:30
wow quick BG on me ...55, Beta male most of my life without realizing it...had many monogomous relationships...even a 7 year marriage...all ending basically as outlined on this site, I got bored , she got bored, no sex for months...all the BS that comes with the downhill spiral of mutating into "beta"...Divorce was brutal emotionally but looking back the best thing that ever happened to me...once the black cloud passed I realized I was living again, without the bullshit of someone constantly judging me....started checking out POF between 2013 to thru 2015 ended up hooking up, banging or having mini relationships with 19 women so far...most i banged on between dates 1-4. The odd thing for me since i was always programmed so long to " be in a relationship" i went into every date situation thinking that it might be just that...All the women i hung with seemed to have a physical chemistry with me right off the bat...so sex happened quick...the only thing different was that I really was digging the freedom of being single...and almost all these women wanted relationships...the hard part was explaining that i just wasn't feeling that long term vibe, I could feel my happiness slip out the window when i actually though of settling with any of these women, and actually a few blew up...lol. You know what? they got over it and a lot I'm still friends with and bang occasionally...Also I was never rude or mean to any of them....after about number 5 it got easier to just go on and tell them. Funny cause I stumbled on this site not for advice ...it was sort of a fluke...but it really mirrors whats going on with me now, I feel way more in control and dont give a shit if women don't like my attitude...I actually found they think its attractive for some reason...so I will continue to not " give a fuck" lol