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Ignore What Women SAY – Only Watch What They DO
-By Caleb Jones
BD, she said on her profile she only dates guys who are younger than 30. What should I do? BD, she told me she never has sex with a guy until five dates. What should I do? BD, she told me she would never have an open relationship, ever. What should I do?
One of the biggest differences between men who have dated a lot of women and men who have dated just a few women is that the latter category continue to believe that women communicate just like men. News flash. They don’t. Here I provide a handy translation guide to translate women language into English. You can also look at the comments here where some women fully admit that when women say certain words, like “strong,” “commitment,” or “independent,” they have completely different meanings than those listed in the English dictionary. (You know, that stupid old book we dumb men use to communicate.)
This is why, whenever in a dating or relationship scenario, you must completely ignore what a woman SAYS and only pay attention to what she DOES. Note that I’m only talking here about dating and relationships. You can indeed rely on what women say in other contexts (like in the workplace environment). But in terms of romance and/or sex? No.
To be clear, you don’t do this because women are stupid. They aren’t. Women are quite intelligent and know exactly what they’re doing.
You also don’t do this because women are “lying” to you. They are not lying in the rational, male context of the word “lie.” When you marry a woman and she says “I will love you forever,” of course she’s not going to love you forever, but she often means it when she says it. Later she’ll change her mind of course, but right now, she means it. She’s not lying to you.
You do this because women communicate completely differently than you do. So when she says:
“I never have sex with a man until we’ve had five dates.”
...that’s not what it means in a rational man world. If you translate that sentence in to rational man-language, it means:
“NORMALLY I don’t have sex with guys until we’ve been on five dates, because society has incorrectly told me it’s bad to have sex before then, and what society thinks of me is very important. But if you’re attractive enough to me and use strong enough game, I will happily have sex with you before then, as long as we keep it on the down-low. I can’t actually say this to you right now, because it may blow my chances for some free dinners, and you might think I’m a slut. So I’m going to going with the societal model and act like I don’t have sex with guys until five dates.”
If you’re not very experienced with a lot of women, you’ll have no idea she’s saying all that when tosses her head in the patented Strong Independent Woman™ manner and says “I have a five-date rule.”
Crazy? Yes, but that’s how women work. Get used to it.
If you’d like some more evidence of why you must ignore what women say and only pay attention to what they do, here are some real-life examples I’ve seen or experienced of how many intelligent, educated, mature women proudly, strongly, and clearly declared something in their dating/relationship life, and then proceeded to do the exact opposite.
1. A woman I was briefly dating told me unequivocally that her cardinal rule was that no man was ever, ever, EVER allowed to meet any of her children until she had been dating him for six months. It was her “six month rule,” an absolutely rock-solid law in her life, she said. “My kids come first, I must protect them, it’s not negotiable.” I didn’t want to meet her kids, but apparently other men had asked.
We eventually parted company, and just one month later she had a new boyfriend. Almost exactly one month after that, she plastered a big picture on her Facebook page of her, her new 30-day boyfriend, and all of her kids, all going camping together.
This woman was in her late 30s, college educated, and very smart.
2. Another woman I was seeing in her late 20s, also very intelligent and college educated, once lectured me that she “didn’t do polyamory.” She “respected herself” and “would never do such a thing” like “some other people” in the city were doing. She was quite emphatic about it.
As she was saying those very words she was dating and having sex with three different men; me and two others.
3. Numerous times, with numerous women of all ages, from 20s to well into the 40s, I have heard women on dates go on and on about all the horrible drama they’ve recently had in their relationships, work life, family life, you name it. We’re talking hardcore drama that goes on for months or years. These stories are prefaced and ended with statements like, “I hate drama” and “I never do drama” and “I don’t have time for drama.”
4. A woman once trying to get me to promise monogamy (before we ever had sex) told me very clearly that she “always needed sex three times a week.” That was her absolute minimum. She was “very sexual” and was “embarrassed to admit” she needed it “so often.”
She hadn’t had any sex for six years.
5. This is one of my favorites. Numerous times, with numerous women of all ages, they will proudly declare, “I quit smoking!” or “I quit drinking!” or “I quit smoking weed!” “Isn’t that great?!?” They’re always very excited about this and treat it like it’s a great accomplishment.
When I ask when they quit, they answer, “Four days ago.”
(What percentage of these women quickly go back to the cigarettes/booze/weed a few days later? About 99%.)
6. I once had a woman lecture me at great length about how she “must be free” and how she could “never live with a man” and how other women who lived with men or married men were “weak” and had trouble “finding themselves.” She would never do such a thing, she said. As usual, she was very clear and emphatic about this. It was not just a casual statement.
A year later, we texted. She was living with a new boyfriend.
7. A woman I once dated said that “she could never do monogamy” and she was shocked how “dumb women were” who agreed to it. “You’ll eventually want to hook up with another guy! Why are women so stupid? Those women are just asking for trouble,” she would say.
About a year and a half after uttering those words she got monogamously married. She called me a jerk when I reminded her what she said about monogamy just a few months earlier.
(Yes, she later got divorced. Yes, she then came back to me.)
8. I once had a brief fling with a woman whose best girlfriend charged men money for blowjobs. She was horrified at her friend, calling her a “whore” and a “slut” and how she “didn’t have any self respect.” “I don’t see how she can do it. I would never do something like that. I have self respect and I’m not a whore. Disgusting!”
Two weeks later I texted her to hang out, and she said she would come over and have sex with me but only if I gave her $100.
(I declined her offer.)
9. I was once seeing an over-33 who strongly declared she had a three month rule. She had to have three months of consistent dates before she would ever have sex with a guy. (And you thought the five-date rule was bad!) She repeated this rule often. Of course I told her that her rule was insane and nexted her.
A little later we met up again (long story). She still strongly declared her three month rule.
We had sex on the third date. Total dating time before sex: 1.5 weeks.
I could go on with more real-life examples but hopefully by now you get the point.
Were all these women dumb? Insane? No. They just changed their minds. If you’ve read my book, you know that women are biologically wired to change their minds. It’s what women do.
If she can do a complete 180 on something she just said a few weeks ago, there’s no point in taking what she just said as gospel. That’s why, in a dating or relationship scenario, you must always ignore what women SAY and only watch what they DO.
Make your choices and decisions based on her actions, never her words.
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ricerocket 2015-05-04 11:31:43
Ha BD, you keep posting these timely articles for me, thank you! I am relatively new here, and somewhat new to the living with the intent and purpose of non-monogamy, and experiencing these things in the past few months, with more wide open eyes. The experiences are almost surreal at times, and leaves me shaking my head in a bemused way at times.. I have been reflecting on the words and actions of a woman just this past weekend, whom, with determination and intent, told me she has been seeing another man, who completely adores her, fawns over her, takes her out and spends money on her, lavishes praise and affirmations on her, and only wants a monogamous relationship with her and to be exclusive, and those are things I can't offer her, so she wants to pursue that with him. I agreed, that is not who I am, nor what I want, but if she did want that, then I would understand and wish her well, and that she must follow and pursue what she needs, and want she wants, and I would be happy for her. Now, mind you, this conversation occurred while both of us were naked in my bed. So, she said she will pursue that, but would like to keep me in her life, even if we are just friendly, and not having sex anymore, and I agreed. We then had sex again. Her final thought of the night she relayed to me after, was asking me if she could come over next Tuesday night to see me....
Dave 2015-05-04 11:59:10
In the grammar of dating, men are subjects and women are objects.
Aloe 2015-05-04 12:03:53
Ricerocket - beautiful example. I laughed hard almost all the way from the first BD example to your comment above.
AKA 2015-05-04 13:56:14
Ha ha ha! These are awesome. As a married dude my example is more tame. Wife: How come you left crumbs on the counter after you fixed food? Me: Didn't feel like cleaning it up Wife: Well, I ALWAYS clean up the counter after I make dinner 2 days later, there is a huge pile of crumbs on the counter after she failed to clean up her own mess.
Tony 2015-05-04 14:09:07
My favorite is "We're not going to have sex". That means "We're going to have sex". The first time I heard it was in the form of "We're not going to kiss" when I was a kissless virgin, and I stupidly believed her. If I had a time machine, the first thing I'd do is go to my 14-year-old self a couple days before that happened and shake some sense into him (then kill Hitler, stop John Wilkes Booth, etc).
Blackdragon 2015-05-04 16:31:26
I agreed, that is not who I am, nor what I want, but if she did want that, then I would understand and wish her well, and that she must follow and pursue what she needs, and want she wants, and I would be happy for her.Beautiful. That's why she had sex with you again. If you had said, "OMG okay be with me I'll be monogamous please don't leave!" her pussy would have dried up instantly (and the drama and demands would have increased). Outcome Independence: the single most attractive nonphyiscal trait a man can have to women.
POB 2015-05-04 16:58:45
Thanks BD, this is a great post! I feel compelled to put two of my recent experiences here: - FB, we met regurlarly for about 3 months, she gave me lots of drama when I told her I had other women. Soft-nexted her for a while. Keep in mind she is 100% pro-monogamy (and divorced), full of SP, gave me the whole speech etc, etc. Fact is she has a new boyfriend. Asked her to come over. She agreed and told me point blank she's eager to fuck me again (but won't dump him). - Another FB. Before we had sex we had some back and forth on WA. Really nasty sexual girl, constantly telling me some crazy stuff she would like to do with my dick. When I asked her for some kinky pics, she sent me two toying with a huge white dildo. On the day of the third date she was all "well, you know, I'm a lady and I really don't like guys talking that way to me". "I don't know if I wanna meet you anymore, you're too sexual for my taste", etc, etc. Brought her to my place and she became nasty again.
Dawson Stone 2015-05-04 19:05:05
I agree with all of this but I simply don't understand how the Manosphere acts like this is a gender issue. Most men do the same shit. Say they won't settle down. They do. Say they won't take shit from their boss any longer. They do. Say they won't get married without a pre-nup. They do. Say they won't take shit from their wife/gf/lover. They do. Say they will hit the gym. They don't. Say they will start eating healthy. They don't. This is a HUMAN condition. It is why it is so funny when young kids call their parents out when they don't walk the walk. "But Daddy you just had a cigarette yesterday." As with most things the distance between how people say they will behave and how they actually behave is significant. Yea guys are on average more logical beings but when it comes to creating cognitive dissonance and walking the talk the guys are on average no better than the women.
Blackdragon 2015-05-04 19:19:57
Yea guys are on average more logical beings but when it comes to creating cognitive dissonance and walking the talk the guys are on average no better than the women.That's not been my experience, at least with the men I know, and I've known a hell of a lot. With the exception of the first two items, most of the things you listed men (in my experience anyway) don't do. Most men who don't go to the gym never say they'll "go to the gym" and not go. They will say things like "I need to go to the gym" or "I should go to the gym," but that's different than saying "I'm going to go" and never going. The same goes for men who get screamed at by their wives. They'll bitch about it, but they won't proudly declare they'll divorce her or put her in her place or whatever and then not do it. Men do indeed tend to be more precise in their use of language. So yeah, in my experience, of course men and women both do this, but women are demonstrably worse in this area. (As a matter of fact, the more I think about it, the more I realize it's not even close.)
Ron Gordon 2015-05-04 19:21:55
Advice please. I had the privilege of having first date sex with a 21 yo college student in a karaoke booth last week. She was a virgin. I texted her a few times if she was okay, and she said yes. One week later I texted inviting her to a dinner. She responded she is sorry she has a person she likes (a guy) and would not be able to have dinners with me in the future. I texted "I understand." I think she is surprised at what we did and maybe regretful. I intend to wait a week or so and just restart with a new text as Roosh advises, however, if anyone has any advice I am happy to hear it. Thanks.
WolfOfGeorgeStreet 2015-05-04 22:09:41
You can indeed rely on what women say in other contexts (like in the workplace environment).Hahahahaha! Yes, because you can rely on a woman that is totally illogical and irrational and knows not what she says, to segment out certain environments in her life and be logical and rational in those only. Especially a workplace environment where workplace politics can create just as much of an emotionally charged environment as dating (just look at how many affairs start in the workplace). So I don't know if you actually believe what you've just written, or just have to be PC due to a lack of anonymity and the fact that saying otherwise could impact your other business interests. As always there are a few rare exceptions (there are in a dating context too), and I have had the pleasure of meeting them in both a dating context and in the workplace. Typically though, most women in the sort of career roles that require them to be clear, rational, logical and decisive, fail miserably, and are carried by the few rare exceptions, men, and the anti-discrimination laws that allow them to get those roles in the first place.
Blackdragon 2015-05-04 22:25:52
Advice please. I had the privilege of having first date sex with a 21 yo college student in a karaoke booth last week.It's not a privilege. Stop pedestaling.
She was a virgin. I texted her a few times if she was okay, and she said yes.Stop texting her like that. Stop being needy. Man up.
One week later I texted inviting her to a dinner. She responded she is sorry she has a person she likes (a guy) and would not be able to have dinners with me in the future. I texted “I understand.” I think she is surprised at what we did and maybe regretful. I intend to wait a week or so and just restart with a new text as Roosh advises, however, if anyone has any advice I am happy to hear it. Thanks.1. Wait 3-4 months and then try again. Odds of success: low. 2. Fuck other girls
Yes, because you can rely on a woman that is totally illogical and irrational and knows not what she does, to segment out certain environments in her life and be logical and rational in those only. Especially a workplace environment where workplace politics can create just as much of an emotionally charged environment as dating (just look at how many affairs start in the workplace).I agree but that's not what I'm saying. What I meant when I said that is that generally speaking, if in the workplace a woman promises to get a project done on time, she will generally get it done on time. If that wasn't true, and women were constantly not following through on their business commitments made in the workplace, you'd have women getting fired left and right all over the corporate world, even in this litigious, PC culture. Companies literally couldn't afford to employ them. Moreover, no business run by a woman would survive more than 6 months. Yet you don't see this happening. Women do indeed adhere to logical structures when they have to. Not always of course, and I've indeed described in detail that women are more irrational than men in the workplace, so I'm way ahead of you here. I'm just saying women are not nearly as irrational at work as they are in dating/relationship scenarios. Which is true.
So I don’t know if you actually believe what you’ve just written,I believe absolutely everything I write or I wouldn't write it.
or just have to be PC due to a lack of anonymity and the fact that saying otherwise could impact your other business interests.Um...you're actually implying I'm PC? Really? You're kidding me, right? You think if I say certain things on this blog I'll lose money in my other business interests? You really don't think that would have already happened if that were the case? With all the crazy shit I've been saying on this blog for six years now? Again, you're kidding me...right?
WolfOfGeorgeStreet 2015-05-04 22:54:57
you’re actually implying I’m PC?Context. I'm implying that you are more PC than most manosphere writers. Take your article you linked about women in the workplace, I agree, of course. However you go on to say that nothing can be done about it, I disagree, something absolutely can be done about it if you're the hiring manager. Don't hire women for roles where their emotional immaturity would be a liability, instead hire a man who you can sell as being 'better qualified' for the position (to avoid any accusations of being discriminatory). Likewise, in instances where you have no control over their hiring and their emotional immaturity is having adverse effects on your performance. Consistent and prolonged periods of subtle but calculated emotional manipulation can cause any women that are creating problems for you to snap and either never bother you again because they'll stay well clear, or simply quit. I doubt you would ever outright say that, other manosphere writers would.
Dawson Stone 2015-05-04 22:58:02
@BD I am not saying there is no difference between men and women but it is nowhere near what you or others in the Manosphere represent. In psychology they call it group-level attribution error. When a woman does something (in this case means something different than she says) it is attributed to her being a woman and an inherent flaw due to her gender. When a man does the same thing it is treated as an outlier and not representative of the group (the group of the observer). Now let me preface this by saying that you do seem to take a much more straight forward and honest approach in your dating style then most (nearly all) men but that is not the norm by any stretch of the imagination. And even in your case you often dodge/evade the questions you know if you answered directly and honestly up-front would impact your ability to close. Women say the same crap about men and could easily provide a "man to woman translation guide" much like you did above. I know plenty of women that say what they mean and mean what they say. I know plenty of men that say lotes of things they know to be untrue because they know it will impact the likelihood they will get the result they want if they are honest...getting sex. Let's look at just a few examples to parallel yours. Woman: "Do you normally sleep with a woman on the first date?" Man: "Of course not. When I have had great chemistry with someone it has happened from time-to-time but it is not the norm." What Man Means: "Yes every chance I get." Woman: "Do you expect we are going to have sex tonight?" What Man Says: "I don't expect anything. If it happens it happens." What Man Means: "Yes if I play my cards right and keep your anti-slut defense at bay I will." Woman: "Are you going to want to see me again if we have sex on the first date?" What Man Says: "Of course I would." What Man Means: "I will keep you as a fuck buddy as long as you don't pressure me for more but that's it." Woman: "How long has it been since you last had sex?" What Man Says: "It's been a couple of months." What Man Means: "Yesterday." Woman: "Do you like strip clubs?" What Man Says: "I think they are so creepy. How weird to get turned on next to all my buddies." What Man Means: "I was at one last weekend." Woman: "Would you ever consider getting married again?" What Man Says: "If I met the right person I would consider it." What Man Means: "Hell no!" Well you get the idea. I am betting that you also could find women (probably women you have gone out with - I know I have) that would say the exact opposite of every thing you listed above: 1. Wants a guy to meet her kids early to see if they get along 2. Wants to be poly 3. Says she can be jealous and dramatic sometimes but that is just because of her passionate nature4. She doesn't have a really high sex drive etc.... People in general say what they say for a variety of reasons. Mostly because they have a desired outcome in mind and they are putting forth the image they believe will give them the best chance of achieving the outcome they desire. It isn't that women simply cannot say what they mean or that men can. In all human interactions one should ignore words and focus on actions. Male/female interactions are no exception.
Blackdragon 2015-05-04 23:07:42
Context. I’m implying that you are more PC than most manosphere writers.Really? You mean most those other guys in the manosphere who recommend to settle down and get monogamously married someday to a "good girl"? I'm more PC than those guys? If you're referring to the more angry manosphere writers who are very jaded and have a bone to pick, then yes, I'm much less angry with women. That's very true. But you're confusing lack of anger with political correctness. To say that I'm at all politically correct is completely insane.
I doubt you would ever outright say that, other manosphere writers would.You're correct; I wouldn't say that, because instead I say, and have said repeatedly, you shouldn't hire ANYONE. That's because having employees, male or female, isn't a path to freedom and long-term happiness (in most cases; I agree there are always unusual exceptions to the rule).
I am not saying there is no difference between men and women but it is nowhere near what you or others in the Manosphere represent.Haha! You might want to tell George that. Seeing your comment right after his, taking an almost opposite view, is funny to read. Ah, the contrasts one reads on blog comments! George is right in that men are more rational more often than women. You are right in that men are very irrational at times also. Just witnessing one conversation between me and a pro-monogamy Alpha 1.0 is more than enough evidence of that. Your examples are not examples of irrationality. They're examples of men purposely either lying or sugar-coating the truth in order to get laid. One could argue the ethics of such a thing, but one could not say that's an example of irrationality, because it isn't. I'm in-between your view and George's.
WolfOfGeorgeStreet 2015-05-04 23:37:01
If you’re referring to the more angry manosphere writers who are very jaded and have a bone to pick, then yes, I’m much less angry with women.Yes, those guys. The ones that have absolutely nothing to lose, are desperately unhappy, and so can say anything their black heart's desire without worrying about repercussions.
To say that I’m at all politically correct is completely insane.Ok, fine, you're not PC, you're just less critical and more accepting of women and their faults. Happy?
Dawson Stone 2015-05-04 23:44:54
@BD I am confused by the point you are trying to make then. So your point is that women believe their lies and men don't? I don't understand what you are saying by women being irrational and men aren't. Women's actions and words are often at odds. Men's actions and words are often at odds. Where does irrationality come into play? That when she says she won't have sex until the 5th date she irrationally means that and even though she knows she has in the past she simply forgets that she did? And even though a woman knows she was an jealous, dramatic lunatic in her last relationship she irrationally has amnesia about it? Yea, I don't buy that for a second. The woman says she won't have sex until the fifth date because she wants to know the guy wants more than sex and if her saying that gets the guy to flake she avoided a guy that only wanted sex. The psycho woman that keyed her last bf's car says she isn't "drama" because she knows if she told the guy the truth he would run for the hills. She says she has a "6-month rule" because if she admits the last 5 guys she dated for only a couple of weeks met her kids you will think (rightfully so) that she is a awful mother. I thought your point was:
you must completely ignore what a woman SAYS and only pay attention to what she DOESI am saying it is EXACTLY the same the other way around. Women must ignore what a man says and only pay attention to what he does. No different. You go on to say:
They are not lying in the rational, male context of the word “lie.”I mean come on. Men are no more honest than women. In fact, in my experience I would give the nod to women in terms of generally being more honest. Men lie to get a woman into bed. Women lie to get a man into a relationship. I honestly think it is a distinction without a difference.
POB 2015-05-05 04:18:23
@Dawson C'mon man, I'm pretty sure you're not that naive. Everybody knows that if men and women were straightforward with each other before sex humanity would slowly fade and end in about two generations. As I recall there's a post right here in this blog that explains why you cannot be completely honest with a woman you did not sleep with (mind you this is not the same as lying, as BD said a thousand times here). If you break this rule you'll get none, zero pussy. You and I may not agree and think these rules are crap, but this is how the world works...
Matt T. 2015-05-05 06:36:12
@ Dawson: Your blog rocks but you stopped posting last November. I thought you died or something! Any plans to start back up again? @ BD: Sorry for the threadjack. Good post as always.
Dawson Stone 2015-05-05 06:43:35
Everybody knows that if men and women were straightforward with each other before sex humanity would slowly fade and end in about two generations.Finally we agree. 🙂 PEOPLE are not honest and straightforward with each other because it doesn't serve their purpose...not because women(or men) are irrational. I was simply trying to rail against what you and others in the Manosphere often do...mis-assign perfectly understandable (and yes rational) behavior as irrational and only perpetrated by women. I am making the point that it is ALWAYS THE CASE that FOR ALL PEOPLE and in ALL SITUATIONS one should ignore what PEOPLE say and only pay attention to what PEOPLE do. The gender attribution makes no sense to me. It would be easy to use examples having nothing to do with sex or relationships that might be true at work or in a friendship and apply pretty equally to both genders. I only used examples that did have to do with sex and/or relationships to mirror your examples and because you made the point that these things were true with women "...whenever in a dating or relationship scenario..." For instance: "I always promote those people that show initiative and work hard" Do they? "I hate when people gossip. You will never find me gossiping." Do they? "I promise I will pay you back. Thanks for the loan buddy." Do they? Again if I had to give the nod to one gender or the other in terms of honesty I would give it to women but it is pretty even. So I still don't get your point. Is it that women can't be rational? Is it that women can't be trusted? Is it that women don't mean what they say? I thought it was this last one (but am not sure since you keep bringing up women being irrational and that they see lying differently) and regardless I see how none of these only apply to women.
everybodyhatesscott 2015-05-05 08:39:38
<blockquote>She was a virgin.</blockquote> No she wasn't. Seriously guys, if a girl has sex with you on a first date and she's not 16 the chances she's a 'virgin' are so minuscule you can just assume she's lying. Has it happened before? Probably, but every single dude on this corner of the internet has managed to find that 21-25 year old unicorn virgin? I highly doubt it. It's the equivalent of 'I never do this' Don't be stupid and call her out on it, but you don't have to believe it.
Dawson Stone 2015-05-05 08:55:25
@POB Sorry for mis-attributing your comment to BD. I read the comment on my phone...my bad. @Matt T Thank you and yes. My first new post will be tonight. @everybodyhatesscott lol. Especially if it was in a karaoke booth.
Kryptokate 2015-05-05 12:13:20
I'm with Dawson on this one. As someone who is regularly told by everyone I know that I am logical to a fault/unusually rational/a robot/weirdly unemotional, *everyone* seems irrational to me. Once I stopped viewing people as deliberative, rational agents and more like talking animals who use their big brains to articulate ex-post-facto rationalizations for their behavior, people suddenly became very predictable and started making much more sense. Watching what people do rather than say is good advice across the board and in every situation. But I do not perceive men behaving more rationally than women. One big area where men's irrational behavior generally far exceeds women's is anything to do with ego, pride, and competitiveness. I work in an industry with a lot of type-A, big ego people and on the whole, I see far more examples of men being petty, carrying out personal vendettas, cutting off their nose to spite their face, taking things personally, and generally having emotional ego-based reactions rather than logical ones. Not all men at all, but the worst offenders I see are men, not women. The area where I see women being most irrational is the one you described, where there is a large gulf between a woman's self-perception (based on social ideals and taboos) of herself as a generally selfless, sexually respectful, caring "nice girl", and the reality which is likely to be much more sexually callous and venal. Women are raised with social norms saying they are sexually pure and selfless and caring, believe it to be true, and then rationalize the fact that their behavior totally belies that, without ever noticing how blatantly untrue it is. This also applies to other areas where there is a serious discrepancy between how self-interested a woman's behavior is and her idea of herself as a "nicer" and more selfless person than she actually is (for example with motherhood martyrdom). However, I would note that a lot of this discrepancy is based in religious-based indoctrination and those women raised in cultures with the highest commitment to believing myths of the non-sexual, selfless good girl are usually the worst offenders. Women who don't have any religious-based illusions and who accept the reality of their sexuality are generally some of the most rational and straight-forward humans I ever meet. Check out the most recent episode of "Louie" and the very rational speech Pamela Adlon's character gives regarding "a la carte" relationships to the irrational-behaving Louie for a great fictional illustration. Just to provide a concrete counter-example of men saying irrational things, let me give my own: last week I met a man while out of town on vacation and we spent a few nights together and had a great time. We don't live in the same city or state. He was on vacation with a bachelor party so it prompted a few discussions about marriage and I expressed that long-term monogamy is not feasible in this day and age because anyone with desirable opportunities will eventually cheat. He argued strenuously with me, was clearly disturbed by my opinion, and insisted that when two people are really meant to be together, that isn't true. He also kept asking me if I wanted to have babies (I don't), told me what a good idea it would be to combine our genes (I did not participate when he talked about such things), and kept expressing distress about the distance between our cities causing a problem for us having a serious relationship and wondering if I would move to his city and fantasizing out loud about moving to mine. Despite the above, when I asked him how his previous relationships had ended, he admitted that in every case it was because one of them got the "itch to fuck someone else." And here's the kicker: I am 90% positive that he has a serious girlfriend in his hometown and was cheating on her with me the whole time! Yet there he was, arguing with me about my lack of romanticism and talking nonsense about babies and serious relationships. This was not because he thought he had to lie to me to get me to sleep with him because I made it perfectly clear from the outset that I wanted to and was going to have sex with him. It was because he was away from his girlfriend, feeling the hormonal NRE rush of meeting and sleeping with me, and just spewing feelings-based nonsense that totally contradicted everything about his actual life and how he was living it. If there's one thing people in NRE/crush mode hate, it's talking about, thinking about, or admitting that monogamy isn't viable over the long term. Even when they are at that very moment violating a monogamous commitment to someone else! Classic.
POB 2015-05-05 12:37:23
@Dawson That's ok, don't worry 😉
So I still don’t get your point. Is it that women can’t be rational? Is it that women can’t be trusted? Is it that women don’t mean what they say? I thought it was this last one(...)Look, I'm not a manosphere guy (yet) but even so I've had lots of experience on both sides of the coin. When I was a beta (a long time ago) I really thought women were pure angels of light. After that, on my serial monogamist days, I would probably answer "maybe" to number one, "no" to number two and "yes" to number three . Today I just go with the flow and apply what works. I really like to talk to and observe women behavior and I can guarantee you that half of what they do is just emotions boiling over them at any particular moment. Exceptions aside, most of the time they simply don't know how to act on (or react to) us. It's just their instincts mixed with a lot of SP doing the talk. And because there's a short supply of Real Men out there things get even worse. Most women just don't have a clue about what to do when they find a man that behaves like....a man! Not a boss, not a gamer, not a whiny wimp, just a guy who knows what he wants and goes after it. And they are extremely attracted by that (and yes, all the time they say otherwise). This is why I do not hate or curse women, this is why I always try to not be mad at them (even when they behave like shit)...'cause I always remember what's going on on the big picture. If they give me a hard time, oh well, go have a good life. If they don't then we have lots of fun. Simple as that. BTW, I'll make sure to bookmark your blog! @Kriptokate Agree 1000% with everything you said
Dawson Stone 2015-05-05 12:40:45
@Kryptokate LOVED your response. I have hired and fired hundreds of people and I always prefer to hire women versus men because with women you tend (in general) to manage emotions and with men you tend (in general) to manage egos. Emotions are temporary but egos are permanent. Emotions can "blow over" but egos cannot. Your example PERFECTLY illustrates my point. The human condition is one of creating cognitive dissonance between what we know to be true and what we wish to be true. There are some gender differences in terms of where this cognitive dissonance tends to focus itself (but there are always exceptions to every rule) but it is the same crap regardless of gender.
Kryptokate 2015-05-05 12:43:07
Clip of the scene I referred to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UuBC5yK3qPQ "I don't know why I'm on this side of the argument, I guess I just feel insecure." Great example of a lot of the things BD talks about on this blog, with people insisting on monogamous ideals even when they fully know better.
Dawson Stone 2015-05-05 12:52:44
@POB I think you and I are in violent agreement. Like most generalizations, at best they can only generally be true and our job should be to evaluate each situation and person for what it is...a unique situation and person. And while I agree that women are ruled more by emotions (in general) and men (to Kryptokate's point) are ruled more by ego. Both cause people to behave in ways that are not rational and therefore are not a happiness maximization strategy. And I couldn't agree more with your view on life with regard to people behaving badly. No reason to be mad at anyone (man or woman) for how they behave as it is a waste of mental energy. If someone behaves in a way you don't like/enjoy/appreciate...next. If a good guy friend tried to fuck the girl I was dating it is irrelevant about how much he says he values my friendship. Doesn't matter the gender. Simply watch how people behave and all will be revealed.
Blackdragon 2015-05-05 13:30:08
My bottom line is this: 1. Men and women are both irrational. 2. Women are more irrational than men in their relationship/sex lives in terms of the difference between what they say and actually do. This doesn't mean men don't do this also. It means women do it more and to a more extreme level. My Main Point: Generally speaking, and yes there are always exceptions, men do not consistently go around in their relationship/sex lives proudly and loudly making clear, declarative statements and then proceed to do the exact opposite a few days/weeks later. Yet women often do exactly this, consistently, as a pattern of behavior.
Blackdragon 2015-05-05 13:40:07
Yes, those guys. The ones that have absolutely nothing to lose, are desperately unhappy, and so can say anything their black heart’s desire without worrying about repercussions.I am every bit free to say whatever the hell I want here, every bit as much as those angry guys, for reasons I've already described here and here. Just because they're angry and I'm not doesn't mean I don't share the same freedoms. My entire life is structured for maximum freedom. I can say literally whatever I want on this blog (and regularly do) regarding women and I will not suffer any more repercussions than those guys. And to be clear yet again: 100% of everything I say, anywhere on the internet, on any blog or forum, is 100% what I believe, or I would not say it. I have been, by far, one of the most consistent manosphere guys in terms of walking my talk and meaning what I say, for many, many years.
Ok, fine, you’re not PC, you’re just less critical and more accepting of women and their faults.Correct. I have designed a lifestyle where women make me very happy despite their many flaws. I find this more conducive to personal happiness than sitting around angry or depressed that it's not 1952 anymore.
Happy?Extremely and always. That's the core difference between me and those other manosphere guys you refer to.
Dawson Stone 2015-05-05 18:08:02
Women are more irrational than men in their relationship/sex lives in terms of the difference between what they say and actually do. This doesn’t mean men don’t do this also. It means women do it more and to a more extreme level.I thought the point you were trying to make was that you can't listen to what women say but instead must watch what they do? And as I outlined in my earlier post it isn't irrational at all. It is totally rational: Says she won't have sex right away as a way to screen out guys that just want sex - rational Says she won't be poly because she doesn't want to be poly (even though she might accept it) - rational Says she isn't drama because she doesn't want to scare the guy away - rational Says she always needs sex, as you yourself said, in an effort to try to trick you into agreeing to monogamy - rational Men and women both behave (generally) in their own best self interest to maximize the outcome they are trying to achieve. For a man usually this is having sex with the minimal amount of time, hassle and cost possible. For a woman it is about getting the man they want into the relationship they want. While I don't think it was the point of your post I don't see how this is irrational behavior on the part of women or how they are less rational in any significant way than the guy that says he wants his girlfriend to be a whore in the bedroom but would also like for her to be a virgin or damn close to it. Yea that's gonna happen. And guys absolutely "...go around in their relationship/sex lives proudly and loudly making clear, declarative statements and then proceed to do the exact opposite" days/weeks (sometime minutes after cumming) about everything from "I don't do one night stands" to "Of course I will want to see you again if we have sex tonight." Men lie to get laid. Women lie in an effort to get a man into a relationship. It isn't about being irrational. It is about hiding their (men and women both) true motives because if their true motives were revealed they would have near zero chance of achieving their desired outcomes.
Dawson Stone 2015-05-05 18:26:20
@Kryptokate OMG that video was FANTASTIC!!!!! Thank you for sharing.
ETA 2015-05-05 19:14:30
Hey @Ricerocket, it's nice to find another "GoodLookingLoser" here! Similar experience here with my lay # 7 back in GLL 30 years old chick, was screening me hard for husband material. Like real hard, never went through 4 dates of full on interviews like I did with her! On date 4 she popped the question about where it was going. I dodged it, but on date 5 she said she wanted to withhold sex(we had sex on the second date) cause she didn't want to get too attached and hurt. After a couple of hours of teasing, we had sex that same date. As I was fucking her doggy she kept saying it was last time. lol...yeah right.. I left her with a big smile. Later that week I get a text from her saying it can't work and asking me to be just fuck buddies! She went from looking for a husband, to withholding sex, to fuckbuddies within 2 weeks! I used to be the most rational, and correct man you'd find when it came to communicating to women. I'd spend hours trying to convince women rationally...not anymore, I've saved myself lots of headaches, and life with women is much easier and more rewarding!
Amanda 2015-05-05 19:48:52
OK, going to try to block quote here ...
And because there’s a short supply of Real Men out there things get even worse. Most women just don’t have a clue about what to do when they find a man that behaves like….a man! Not a boss, not a gamer, not a whiny wimp, just a guy who knows what he wants and goes after it. And they are extremely attracted by that (and yes, all the time they say otherwise).You hit the nail on the head with this. I've seen a lot of comments about ASD and societal pressure re: women not wanting to sleep with a man too soon. Some probably think this pressure comes from other women, but in my experience, it's actually MEN who have made me feel this way in the past! I've had boyfriends tell me they respected me more for not sleeping with them too quickly (including my current one, who even said it cemented his desire to want to be in a relationship with me because that showed I was "not like other girls"), and on the flip side, I've had guys not want to enter a relationship because I apparently slept with them too soon. It seems most all the men here would not judge a woman for this, and that's great - if you both know what you want, why continue to drag it out? Unfortunately, there are many men out there who have a "magic number" (of dates, days, relationship milestones, etc.) in their head of when a woman should "give it up" - too soon and she's a slut ("if she did it with me, who else has she done this with?"); too late and she's a prude who probably hates sex, so might as well move on. I remember figuring this out and being flabbergasted as to why these men would pursue sex, act like they wanted a relationship, and then turn right around and shame women if they obliged. I'm guessing these men are Alpha 1.0s? I also agree with Kryptokate re: men and women in the workplace. I supervise seven men and three women, and by FAR the person who gives me the most headaches is a man in his 40s. He's prone to emotional outbursts, always focuses on what everyone else is doing wrong, and has a victim mentality. I've helped him to quell this a bit by meeting with him regularly to allow him to vent - it's like he's a pressure cooker who needs some steam let out from time to time so he doesn't explode! 🙂 I also had an employee who burst into tears, pleaded with me and then proceeded to blame everyone but himself when I had to let him go at the end of his introductory period (after almost-daily feedback sessions in which I told him exactly what he needed to do to bring his work up to the level needed). The issues with both of these guys were definitely related to ego. With the women I supervise and work with, I see more issues related to perfectionism and second-guessing themselves, even though the work they do is good. This leads to their work being done much more slowly than the men, but with fewer errors. Of course, this is all anecdotal; it's just what I've witnessed in the workplace. My field is science-related, so it could be a bit different than most offices.
Kryptokate 2015-05-05 20:20:19
@ Amanda -- Fully agree. Women play coy and hard-to-get because it works and most men like it and will want you/respect you more if you resist them. I have a friend who is always super straight-forward with guys about just wanting sex and although they are initially interested, it freaks them out and they always dump her because they think she's too aggressive/loose. As for me, I would love to not have to play games and just be straight-forward but it isn't usually possible so I play it by ear -- it's usually pretty obvious if a guy is the type who wants/expects resistance and places value on a girl who is hard to get. But if a guy is not like that and I can tell he'll like me just as much if we do it right away, then I don't bother with the act. That's why the best advice for guys who want fast/easy sex is to make it abundantly clear to a woman from the get-go that he doesn't look down upon sluttiness, will be discrete, and won't lose respect or ruin a woman's reputation if she has sex with him. @ Dawson -- Louie is the best! His show is amazing art and portrays all kinds of poignant, moving insights about male/female dynamics.
rgz 2015-05-05 21:24:24
All of the examples given in the article apply to the first month-ish of dating. Do you think women will become more consistent in matching their actions to their words?
rgz 2015-05-05 21:52:57
...the last sentence above should say "Do you think women will become more consistent in matching their actions to their words if the duration of the relationship is longer, say years rather than months?
POB 2015-05-06 06:33:59
Unfortunately, there are many men out there who have a “magic number” (of dates, days, relationship milestones, etc.) in their head of when a woman should “give it up” – too soon and she’s a slut (“if she did it with me, who else has she done this with?”); too late and she’s a prude who probably hates sex, so might as well move on. I have a friend who is always super straight-forward with guys about just wanting sex and although they are initially interested, it freaks them out and they always dump her because they think she’s too aggressive/loose.@ Amanda and @Kriptokate You girls are 100% correct, but that does not happen to Alpha 2.0s (and some clever Alpha 1.0s). I really don't mind a woman being completely honest about what she wants right from the start. In fact I love that! Problem is more than enough they prove the point BD is trying to make with this post. They fuck you on the first date, you're nice to them after it and soon they think they "own" you and start to make demands. Everytime is the same, and believe me, I don't give anyone any indication I want a serious monogamous relationship.
ricerocket 2015-05-06 07:46:48
@ETA, hey brother! Nice to see another GLL here as well. Someone there, recommended BD's site, and I have been enjoying it ever since.
I used to be the most rational, and correct man you’d find when it came to communicating to women. I’d spend hours trying to convince women rationally…not anymore, I’ve saved myself lots of headaches, and life with women is much easier and more rewarding!Isn't it so much better? :o) I have come to embrace the "Outcome Independance" BD describes. I have a story from last night that was another eye opener with the same woman in my first post. Good stuff, may post about it in a forum...
Dawson Stone 2015-05-06 07:58:53
Oh Shit I almost forgot but the comments on here reminded me...the most irrational of all behaviors is actually on the Man side of the equation. Try everything humanly possible to get a woman into bed and then use the fact that you convinced her to do so as a reason to disqualify her as datable. Fucking retarded. Men are just as bad as women.
Blackdragon 2015-05-06 11:51:51
Do you think women will become more consistent in matching their actions to their words if the duration of the relationship is longer, say years rather than months?You'll see less of this in longer relationships because there are less promises and declarations to be made when you've been living with a woman and married for five years than when you're first dating in the first few months of the relationship, when everything is being established. But do women in long-term relationships/marriages make strong declarations to their BFs/husbands and then proceed to do the exact opposite? Holy shit, of course. Any married guy can attest to that. So in that respect, no, it never "gets better." It's a forever condition you need to accept about women.
Franco 2015-05-06 14:43:15
@everyone that can answer: So if I get this correctly, it is part of the female way of thinking that changing mind at any time, without giving a rational explanation is a woman's right. And that it may seem odd but when someone realizes that part of female psychology, he can calibrate his expectations. Perhaps even communicate with women better. Some time ago, within the internet profile competition, I think it was BD's remark that men who used subcommunication had received better reviews. In other words, women appreciated it when their own language was used to reach them. I wonder though, do they still appreciate it when used in the context Dawson mentioned (to get sex)? If a woman asks me how is our relationship going and I reply that I see her in a serious monogamous way, but in a week tell her this is no longer the case because I see things differently now, will she accept it the way she want to be accepted when she changes mind?
Dawson Stone 2015-05-06 15:20:19
@Franco Again I think attribution is being made incorrectly to things as being "how women think" versus "how men think." To my points, in most (not all of course) cases the behavior a woman might exhibit (e.g. saying she won't have sex on the first date when she knows she will) is totally rational. In terms of communication PEOPLE build rapport easier with people that communicate and interact in a way that is similar to their own having nothing to do with gender. In the world of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) it is called mirroring. Mirroring can be done with regard to the word choices someone uses (a more visual person says things like "Can you see what I am saying" where a more auditory person will say "Can't you hear what I am saying"), body language, hand gestures, etc. It terms of communicating you must simply understand your audience. If you are dealing with your boss that has a huge ego you might communicate one way, with a police officer after being stopped for speeding another way, and an emotional secretary that just broke up with her bf another. To say women act a certain way is as silly as to say X is true about Jews, Y is try about Blacks or Z is true about Asians. While it might be true that the average Jew is more wealthy, the average Black is better at basketball and the average Asian has a higher math SAT score it is a simplifying generalization that will often give you the wrong impression and to ask to borrow money from a guy just because he is Jewish, pick the Black guy for your basketball team just because he is black or the Asian kid for your school Mathlete team just because he is Asian will often get you a bad result.
Kryptokate 2015-05-06 15:44:02
@ Franco I'm not really sure what you mean about it being a woman's "right" to change her mind. *Everyone* has a right (which is a legal term) to change their mind about things for any or no reason. Unless you've signed a binding contract where you make a long term commitment, you're free to change your mind whenever you want about whether you're attracted to someone or whether you want to keep working at your job or whether you prefer bacon or pancakes or whether your friend is funny or annoying or any other thought or feeling you have. What exactly does "change your mind" even mean? It just means you have a thought or feeling that is different from the one you had yesterday, and that's inherent to the human condition. And even if you DID sign a contract of some sort, say, to stay at your present job for 2 years, you're *still* free to change your mind, you will just have to face the consequences by paying breach of contract damages. Of course, while everyone is free to change their minds about whatever they want whenever they want, everyone else is free to dislike it and react badly to it. As a social species, our survival depends on being able to predict the behavior of others. So of course no one likes it when someone else behaves inconsistently with their stated intentions or otherwise changes their feelings/thoughts. Because it makes that person unpredictable. And unpredictability makes one's life much more difficult. You can't make good decisions without good guesses about what's going to happen. But this idea that women get to change their minds, and men don't, is nonsense. Everyone changes their minds. On a daily basis. And everyone gets upset at others for behaving in ways that are inconsistent and unpredictable. My own adaptability and ability to change to fit the circumstances is in my best interest, but predictability and constancy on the part of everyone else is also in my best interest, so naturally we all value consistency in others more than in ourselves. If you know women who claim to have this privilege while denying it to men, they are either dumbasses or playing you for a sucker. Because that's just a BS way for a woman to try to avoid accountability or facing consequences, while making sure that everyone else is accountable. And frankly, it's male naivety in believing that women are somehow so fundamentally different as to be inexplicable aliens that fuels men believing in that kind of silly explanation. One thing to consider: there are certain areas where one is much more likely to "change their mind" than others. For example, many of the things I love or hate -- foods, music, vacation spots, etc -- are exactly the same and have remaining unchanging from 10 years ago. It's rare that I go from fully hating to loving something, or vice versa. Yet that DOES happen with my sexual desire towards particular men. Often a guy that makes me aroused and turned on and excited about him today will literally make me feel disgusted and repulsed to think about sexually a year later. And that's pretty common for women. I don't think men are as prone to sexual repulsion but they certainly get bored of what had them firing on all cylinders a month or a year ago. And people's romantic feelings are all over the map...they declare undying love for people they barely remember a few years later, they suddenly fall for someone they didn't notice before, they marry their "soulmate" and divorce their worst enemy, etc. So, given that romantic/sexual feelings are so incredibly subject to wild fluctuations, it's no coincidence that this is the one area where people are most interested in locking everyone else down, verifying their status, and mandating that they stay consistent and not change their minds. This where people display the most insecurity and desperation to disallow others from being unpredictable -- you said today you felt this! How dare you feel something different another day! And I swear that most men would be entirely in favor of a public sex registry where every woman had to publicly register every male she sleeps with so that everyone can know exactly who is sleeping with whom establish the accurate status of everyone's else's sex life. Love is also the area where people carry on with ridiculous, over-the-top demonstrations of how committed they are today to not changing their mind later (i.e. a wedding). People don't require this kind of demonstration for virtually anything else because they know the chances of changing one's mind aren't that high. But people know, deep down in a primal sense if not consciously, that everyone is unpredictable, inconsistent, and unreliable in the arena of romantic love, and that's why you get demands for commitments regarding future behavior, out of control insecurity and paranoia, and ridiculous dramatic demonstrations of one's alleged constancy. None of which would be necessary if people were naturally prone to being reliable and consistent in love, and none of which manage to prevent people from later changing their minds anyway. Societies have enacted every possible punishment to prevent inconsistency in love...banishment, public humiliation, financial or reputational ruin, even public execution or permitted murder...and it STILL doesn't prevent everyone from "changing their minds."
Blackdragon 2015-05-06 16:30:31
So if I get this correctly, it is part of the female way of thinking that changing mind at any time, without giving a rational explanation is a woman’s right. And that it may seem odd but when someone realizes that part of female psychology, he can calibrate his expectations.Calibrate his expectations is the key there, and the entire point of my post. You cannot take anything a woman declares in her sex or relationship life at face value. It can, and likely will, change literally at any time.
I think it was BD’s remark that men who used subcommunication had received better reviews. In other words, women appreciated it when their own language was used to reach them.Correct. This is even more important in open/poly MLTR/FB management. You can't say to a woman "I'm going to go fuck two other women in addition to you." She'll explode. But you can indirectly show her you're doing it without verbalizing it, and she'll accept it (assuming you're doing everything else right).
*Everyone* has a right (which is a legal term) to change their mind about things for any or no reason.Correct. And everyone must accept the horrible consequences if they change their minds on major things when the other party has not.
Blackdragon 2015-05-06 16:32:52
Here's a quote from my book on the subject of women changing their minds in ways more radically than men: Women are constantly changing. One day she’s the “happiest she’s ever been.” The very next day she’s “miserable.” One week she’ll feel one way about something, the next she’ll feel a completely different way. One year she’ll want certain things for her life and three years later she’ll want a completely different set of things, often the exact opposite of what she just wanted. Women under the age of 50 are constantly changing. They can’t help it. It’s how they are. Men are the opposite, at least usually. By and large, men are static creatures ("static" in this context meaning slowly-changing, rarely-changing, or never-changing). They are the way they are, and they rarely go through any radical changes in opinions or desires. A 25 year-old man with a high sex drive, who loves baseball, wants to get married, and have two kids is very likely going to be that same guy with those same core desires when he’s 45. While there are always exceptions to every rule, usually very little of those core desires will change over that 20-year time span for him. However, a 25 year-old, high sex drive woman who loves baseball, wants to get married and have two kids will change all of those opinions drastically, many times, during that 20-year journey to age 45. Sometimes her sex drive will be strong and healthy; sometimes she won’t want sex from anyone at all. Sometimes she’ll want to be married. Other times she’ll hate marriage and think it sucks. Sometimes she’ll want two kids. Then she’ll want four kids. Then she won’t want any kids. Then she’ll want one kid. On and on and on this goes, in all of her Seven Life Areas (SLA). This is how women work, all the way until they reach their fifties when this process of constant change begins to slow once they complete menopause and lose estrogen, thus making them less feminine and more static, like men.
RevLiifestyleDesign 2015-05-06 19:54:17
Great article, what guys need to realize is women really do speak another language, the language of emotion. They merely mimic ours, the language of ours. In fact they can speak ours just as well as we can, can do just as well in school and in business. The difference comes when they feel strong emotions, they revert back to their mother tongue. Whenever a woman tells me an absolute, all I hear is words. My favorite one is, I'm not sure if I want to get married or have children.
Vaquero357 2015-05-06 22:49:40
We've all encountered or experienced some variation on this: Woman to Man, during NRE phase of relationship: "You're the best I've ever been with!!!" Woman to Man, parting shot after the relationship implodes: "The sex was lousy. I never enjoyed it!!!" Question: Which statement is a lie? Answer: Neither. The woman's truth is based on how she feels at the moment. Maybe it's more accurate to say that men consciously and willfully lie more often. And more often than women, they feel "estopped" from making a statement that would contradict an earlier assertion they made. Maybe that triggers the lying.... But, yeah, kudos to whoever said above that even highly intelligent people mostly use their brains to rationalize what they did on impulse.
doclove 2015-05-07 04:53:12
I agree with Black Dragon's assertion that women are more likely to say one thing and do another than men especially when it comes to romantic/sexual relationships. It has been my anecdotal experience. It seems Theodore Beale "Vox Day" agrees with Black Dragon in his blog Alpha Game Plan with the article entitled "Confidence". He states that there is a difference in communication styles between men and women in the dialectic and rhetoric methods used. Although he doesn't directly say it in this article, I will make an educated guess and say that he believes men will use the dialectical method more and women will use the rhetorical method more based on his previous writings. The funny Dilbert cartoon strip implicitly says this in his article. http://alphagameplan.blogspot.com/2015/05/confidence.html
Martin 2016-03-26 20:33:48
Ignore what they say. LOVE it. IDGAF, stick to the Mission. LOL SUCH great info. I would always try and listen to every little thing that came out of their mouths. Boy, now I can relax, and gently get them to do what I want. LOLOLOL
Elkay Mann 2016-06-22 04:41:05
A man will lie cause he thinks what to say then speak to get what he wants. He will find out it's the worst way to get (good) results but he won't regret it unless he finds a way to get better results and manages to trascend that lying habit. Which he probably won't if it's a habit and he's a mediocre man. Or he may simply never realize and blame the chicks for not giving him what he wants. A woman gets irrational because she doesn't give a fuck about what is true and what isn't, she (usually) only cares about how she feels when she is going to speak. If she is really angry, she will throw bullshit just to make you feel bad, no to get something done. Actually she will probably get the opposite of what she wanted, endure the consequences, leave the situation behind and will probably regret doing it some time in the near/far future. If she's smart, she may even learn from it. If she's not, she will blame the guy for everything and "move on".
bongstar420 2016-07-02 15:52:20
Wow...All of those women are examples on why I don't socialize with them in general.
Ich 2016-08-30 15:16:34
she said on her profile she only dates guys who are younger than 30. What should I do? BD, she told me she never has sex with a guy until five dates. What should I do? BD, she told me she would never have an open relationship, ever. What should I do?Lol, that's going to be what they hope they will be doing, or what they like to tell themselves they have been doing. Both are very likely to be the reverse of their actual behaviour. What a profile like that suggests is that probably she loves to have sex before 5 dates, she at the very least has phantasies about open relationships, she is attracted by over-30 men but wants to shit-test them since start.
Joe K 2016-10-13 06:19:50
@Kryptokate: "But this idea that women get to change their minds, and men don’t, is nonsense. Everyone changes their minds. On a daily basis. And everyone gets upset at others for behaving in ways that are inconsistent and unpredictable... If you know women who claim to have this privilege while denying it to men, they are either dumbasses or playing you for a sucker. Because that’s just a BS way for a woman to try to avoid accountability or facing consequences, while making sure that everyone else is accountable." If you give not one fuck about social consequences, this might be arguably true. Maybe. In terms of social consequences, women do get to change their minds while men don't. 100%. Hell, women get to blatantly lie and the social outcry will be nothing more than "Well, she was confused / she wasn't happy anymore / she was just a little naive / she was having doubts / she didn't feel safe telling the truth..." Compare that with a man who lies to women, intentionally, in an effort to get what he wants. If you are that man, be prepared to be branded as a Complete Fucking Monster by the same people who defended the women's lies as I exemplified in the paragraph above. So, yeah, if you give not one fuck about your social circle regarding you as a Complete Fucking Monster and you are prepared to deal with that indefinitely...
JB 2016-10-13 10:28:54
@Joe K While we can all agree that women often get away with not only changing their minds, but also with lying, I think it's important to realize: The alpha male 2.0 doesn't lie The alpha male 2.0 considers his options carefully before making any important (long-term) decisions The alpha male 2.0 does not care what anybody else thinks of him (because he knows that everything he does is to the best extent of his abilities) Do women have it easier in a lot of areas? Yes Do women have it harder in a lot of areas? Hell yes. While the MGTOW community wants us to be angry at women for stuff like this, remember that the rationale for making decisions are different for men and women. Women make choices based on feelings, and therefore their choices are easily interchangeable based on a billion factors. Men base decisions on logic and "gut instinct", and thus our choices are often not subject to change quickly. To some extent, society knows this, and thus women "get off easy".
Throughfare 2017-08-01 12:42:04
Hey BD (& RiceRocket) This comment is coming very late to the party, but there's an insight I've gained over the years that is very hard for most guys to grasp (it's kind of at the level Quantum Nonlocality in terms of non-rationality- LOL) Here's the hard-to-grasp truth: For women more than 1 thing can be true at the same time Guys are in the grip of this left-brain thing of thinking that if a thing is true, then its opposite must be untrue. Not always true for women. So let's say a woman has a man she's monogamous with, and truly, deeply believes that 'cheating' is wrong and she is committed to never cheating. That's true for her. Then she is out with her Secret Society buddies, and she meets this hot guy who gets her totally aroused, who impresses her that he would never kiss & tell, and is vouched for by her GFs. She fucks him on the spot. And feels good about it. And here's the kicker- she didn't cheat! This is also true. I, and others, have literally seen women zone within the deep currents of their minds two, or even more, realities that to literalistic guy minds are mutually exclusive. Sometimes they seem to unconsciously switch between realities, with one being true at one time and another at another time, but here's the kicker: sometimes women are living within both realities at the same time. LOL, women's minds are so much more expansive than limited guy minds. This is one reason why guys who think they can find a truly monogamous unicorn will get what they deserve . . . a woman who's monogamous with them, in that part of her mind.
A Man 2017-08-01 20:30:06
@Throughfare. Those are the type of women that are good for FB's. The type of women you are describing are very good at self deception and make very good liars. I've never had patience for that kind of bullshit. I only get into a relationship with a female that understands that black is black and white is white.
Throughfare 2017-08-01 21:07:49
@A Man, While I know you're not going to believe me (cognitive dissonance is a bitch) I'll just put it on the record that this is hardwired. To other guys reading this- you would be blown away if you could see the sex that happily married "good girl unicorns" have with Secret Society guys on GNOs, on business trips, at weddings even! And they go home to their hubbies, demure, composed, content . . . nothing happened! (It was "sex that doesn't count") AWALT (or as BD puts it "women are biologically wired to change their minds")
Johnny Ringo 2018-01-06 10:58:53
This is a great article I have referred to often. But, this part: You can indeed rely on what women say in other contexts (like in the workplace environment). This made me LOL. I work with nothing but women and can say that they are going to give you some giant doozies when it comes to work as well. Exceptions to every rule, but I have more stories and experiences than most.
AlphaOmega 2018-01-07 02:44:35
but I have more stories and experiences than most.Id like to hear some of these stories.