Get Free Email Updates!
Join us for FREE to get instant email updates!
-By Caleb Jones
I have discussed the topic of slut shaming on this blog before, and I also analyzed it in the Alpha Male 2.0 book. Today, I’m going to respond to two specific points that slut shamers often make which I have not delved into before.
I’ll state my bias right up front. I think that women who have lots of sex, or have sex with multiple men, are not bad. On the contrary, I think they’re quite wonderful, and bring happiness to many men, as well as themselves. Of course there are caveats to this, as I’ve discussed before in the links above. These women need to be using condoms and need to be taking care of their personal safely and sexual health. They also should not be getting pregnant so that I’m forced at gunpoint to pay for their accidental spawn via my tax dollars.
So as long as they behave like responsible adults, women who have a lot of sex with dudes are awesome in my book. I wish there were more of them, particularly those women over age 33.
Now let’s tackle some slut shaming arguments.
The Egg vs Sperm Argument
Slut shamers will say that it’s perfectly fine for men to have sex with a lot of women, but it’s bad for women to have sex with a lot of men. Why? Because women only drop one egg per month and have a very limited supply, while men make millions of sperm a day and have an unlimited supply. Therefore, it is somehow natural for men to have many sexual partners and unnatural for women to have many partners.
Here’s the problem: What the fuck does that have to do with anything in the 21st century?
If this was the middle ages, and there was no birth control, no STD protection, no abortion, no adoption systems, no vasectomies, and no non-married child support culture or structure, then yes. It would be very dangerous for a woman to go around sleeping with a bunch of men. She might get pregnant and it would be a major source of problems for her, possibly even leading to her own death. It would also be perfectly fine for a man to go around impregnating women, since even if he impregnated a bunch, and he probably would, there would be no repercussions for him.
Just one problem. This isn’t the middle ages.
What in the world do sperm and eggs have to do with anything in a world of condoms, IUDs, blood tests, vasectomies, and abortion? NOTHING. It’s completely and utterly irrelevant in the modern age. The fact that I make millions of sperm and my cute FB can only drop one egg a month has nothing to do with whether or not she’s a “slut.” This is because I wear a condom, get STD tests done frequently, and my FB has a Mirena IUD implanted in her. She can’t get pregnant and we’re both very unlikely to get an STD from each other.
Under that scenario, which is the typical scenario for today’s non-married people, what does sperm and eggs have to do with whether or not she’s a slut?
Again, NOTHING.
Moreover, I have noticed that more women are on more valid forms of birth control now than back in 2007 when I first entered the Alpha Male lifestyle. Noticeably, more women I meet use birth-control mechanisms like IUDs or Nexplanon compared to those who I met seven or eight years ago. This is a fantastically good trend for us Alphas, and should be further encouraged.
I know we could have a debate about whether or not birth control is healthy for women, but that’s a discussion for other time. The point here is that if she can’t get pregnant, and both our odds of getting an STD from each other are very low, then this whole slut sperm/egg argument is completely irrelevant.
Men who say that “women who fuck lots of guys are sluts because they have a limited amount of eggs” are still living in the 16th century. I’m sorry, but we don’t live in those days any more. If you want to present a point, you need to update your argument to something that makes sense within 21st century sexual realities.
The 100-Partner Argument
The next slut shamer argument states that if a man has sex with 100 women, it will not (seriously) negatively affect his life or psyche, but if a woman has sex with 100 men, it will damage her as a woman. She will suffer harmful physical and psychological effects, while a man who has similar experiences will probably be fine.
On its face, I generally agree with this, but it's more complicated than it sounds. There are two aspects of this which render this argument either false or immaterial. I’ll describe the smaller one first.
As a man, having sex with 100 women won’t affect you adversely as long as monogamy is not your eventual goal. As I’ve demonstrated before, approximately three-fourths of the Alphas in the manosphere and PUA world hold long-term monogamy as an eventual goal to be fulfilled “someday.” Remember this, because it’s very important. Alpha Males and players don’t want to be players for their entire lives. The majority of these men want to settle down and get monogamous eventually.
If you NEVER want to get 100% monogamous, EVER, then having sex with 100 women is just fine. Go for it and have fun. However, as I explained in item number 14 here, if you have a goal of long-term monogamy “someday,” you actually destroy your chances of that ever working if you become a successful player and have sex with piles of women.
This is why dorky, sexually inexperienced beta males actually have better odds (or more accurately, less bad odds) of making long-term monogamy work than you do if you’re an Alpha who’s slept with a lot of women. You’ve established a precedent, desire, and pattern of behavior for sexual variety. When you're finally dumb enough to get married and monogamous with no prenup, after your NRE honeymoon period is over, you’re going to cheat. Then you’re going to get caught. Then you’re going to get massive drama at best, a divorce and custody battle at worst.
So the claim that having sex with 100 women doesn’t harm a man is largely false. Most men, even Alphas/players, want to get monogamous someday, and your ability to be life-long monogamous (without cheating!) is virtually destroyed if you have sex with that many women.
Happily, the Alpha Male 2.0 is exempted from this limitation. He’ll never get monogamous. Even if he settles down into an OLTR or OLTR Marriage, he’s still allowed to get some on the side. So he can sleep with 100, 200, or 1000 women, and still be just fine. It’s only you guys who want long-term monogamy someday who are damaging yourselves by sexing all these women.
Alright, here’s the second and larger point on this 100-partner argument. Who ever said you should go out and marry a woman who’s had sex with 100 guys? How many women do you know who’s had sex with 100 guys? Are there really that many? Are you going to get serious with a woman like this? Really?
Some more questions. What’s wrong with having a fuck buddy or MLTR who’s had sex with 100 men? Is there anything wrong with this?
A problem only arises if you get super serious with a woman like this. I agree with you that marrying a woman in a 100% monogamous marriage who’s had sex with 100+ men probably isn’t a great idea. So fine, don’t marry a woman like that. How hard is it to follow that advice? Are there really hordes of 100+ partner women roaming around the streets? Are they really that hard to avoid? No.
That being said, DO have sex with them! Date them! Spend time with them! Enjoy them! Nothing wrong with that as long as you don’t get oneitis or serious.
Again, be realistic. How many women, who’ve had sex with over 100 men, are you going to meet or date in your life? Seriously, this number is going to be very small. The vast majority of the women you’re going to be in relationships with over the course of your life will have had somewhere between 5-30 partners. Very few will be anywhere near 100, much less over 100.
Therefore, all this hand-wringing about these women who’ve fucked 100 men doesn’t make any sense. Statistically, there are very few women rocking these kinds of numbers. Are they really a problem? Is it really worth freaking out about?
Well, okay, fine Blackdragon. But I still wouldn't get serious with a woman who's been with more than three or four guys!!!
If you want to say that you shouldn’t get serious with a woman who’s slept with 100 dudes, then I think you have slightly the wrong attitude, but I certainly won’t argue with you. However, if you then say you shouldn’t get serious with someone who’s been with 15 partners, then that’s just silly. Who cares if she’s been with 15 other dudes before you? Is she now damaged goods? If you dated two women, one who had been with three men and another who had been with 15, you would not be able to tell the difference.
Granted, if you then bring a third woman who had been with 150 men, then yes, you probably could spot the difference with her.
See what I’m saying? Putting the 15-partner women in the same category as the 100-partner women is not only inaccurate, it’s dumb.
The 100-partner argument relies on focusing on a very tiny percentage of women who have been with a staggering amount of sexual partners. If you simply keep the women you get serious with at non-insane partner counts, which I think most men will do anyway, then the argument is completely invalid. Moreover, women who have been with a lot of sexual partners serve a very important and necessary function in the life of an Alpha Male and should not be disparaged.
I’ll end with my final summation on slut shaming. The more you slut shame, the harder you make it for me and every other man to get laid. Dude, getting to sex is hard enough for most men. Why are you making it harder for us?
I’ll state my bias right up front. I think that women who have lots of sex, or have sex with multiple men, are not bad. On the contrary, I think they’re quite wonderful, and bring happiness to many men, as well as themselves. Of course there are caveats to this, as I’ve discussed before in the links above. These women need to be using condoms and need to be taking care of their personal safely and sexual health. They also should not be getting pregnant so that I’m forced at gunpoint to pay for their accidental spawn via my tax dollars.
So as long as they behave like responsible adults, women who have a lot of sex with dudes are awesome in my book. I wish there were more of them, particularly those women over age 33.
Now let’s tackle some slut shaming arguments.
The Egg vs Sperm Argument
Slut shamers will say that it’s perfectly fine for men to have sex with a lot of women, but it’s bad for women to have sex with a lot of men. Why? Because women only drop one egg per month and have a very limited supply, while men make millions of sperm a day and have an unlimited supply. Therefore, it is somehow natural for men to have many sexual partners and unnatural for women to have many partners.
Here’s the problem: What the fuck does that have to do with anything in the 21st century?
If this was the middle ages, and there was no birth control, no STD protection, no abortion, no adoption systems, no vasectomies, and no non-married child support culture or structure, then yes. It would be very dangerous for a woman to go around sleeping with a bunch of men. She might get pregnant and it would be a major source of problems for her, possibly even leading to her own death. It would also be perfectly fine for a man to go around impregnating women, since even if he impregnated a bunch, and he probably would, there would be no repercussions for him.
Just one problem. This isn’t the middle ages.
What in the world do sperm and eggs have to do with anything in a world of condoms, IUDs, blood tests, vasectomies, and abortion? NOTHING. It’s completely and utterly irrelevant in the modern age. The fact that I make millions of sperm and my cute FB can only drop one egg a month has nothing to do with whether or not she’s a “slut.” This is because I wear a condom, get STD tests done frequently, and my FB has a Mirena IUD implanted in her. She can’t get pregnant and we’re both very unlikely to get an STD from each other.
Under that scenario, which is the typical scenario for today’s non-married people, what does sperm and eggs have to do with whether or not she’s a slut?
Again, NOTHING.
Moreover, I have noticed that more women are on more valid forms of birth control now than back in 2007 when I first entered the Alpha Male lifestyle. Noticeably, more women I meet use birth-control mechanisms like IUDs or Nexplanon compared to those who I met seven or eight years ago. This is a fantastically good trend for us Alphas, and should be further encouraged.
I know we could have a debate about whether or not birth control is healthy for women, but that’s a discussion for other time. The point here is that if she can’t get pregnant, and both our odds of getting an STD from each other are very low, then this whole slut sperm/egg argument is completely irrelevant.
Men who say that “women who fuck lots of guys are sluts because they have a limited amount of eggs” are still living in the 16th century. I’m sorry, but we don’t live in those days any more. If you want to present a point, you need to update your argument to something that makes sense within 21st century sexual realities.
The 100-Partner Argument
The next slut shamer argument states that if a man has sex with 100 women, it will not (seriously) negatively affect his life or psyche, but if a woman has sex with 100 men, it will damage her as a woman. She will suffer harmful physical and psychological effects, while a man who has similar experiences will probably be fine.
On its face, I generally agree with this, but it's more complicated than it sounds. There are two aspects of this which render this argument either false or immaterial. I’ll describe the smaller one first.
As a man, having sex with 100 women won’t affect you adversely as long as monogamy is not your eventual goal. As I’ve demonstrated before, approximately three-fourths of the Alphas in the manosphere and PUA world hold long-term monogamy as an eventual goal to be fulfilled “someday.” Remember this, because it’s very important. Alpha Males and players don’t want to be players for their entire lives. The majority of these men want to settle down and get monogamous eventually.
If you NEVER want to get 100% monogamous, EVER, then having sex with 100 women is just fine. Go for it and have fun. However, as I explained in item number 14 here, if you have a goal of long-term monogamy “someday,” you actually destroy your chances of that ever working if you become a successful player and have sex with piles of women.
This is why dorky, sexually inexperienced beta males actually have better odds (or more accurately, less bad odds) of making long-term monogamy work than you do if you’re an Alpha who’s slept with a lot of women. You’ve established a precedent, desire, and pattern of behavior for sexual variety. When you're finally dumb enough to get married and monogamous with no prenup, after your NRE honeymoon period is over, you’re going to cheat. Then you’re going to get caught. Then you’re going to get massive drama at best, a divorce and custody battle at worst.
So the claim that having sex with 100 women doesn’t harm a man is largely false. Most men, even Alphas/players, want to get monogamous someday, and your ability to be life-long monogamous (without cheating!) is virtually destroyed if you have sex with that many women.
Happily, the Alpha Male 2.0 is exempted from this limitation. He’ll never get monogamous. Even if he settles down into an OLTR or OLTR Marriage, he’s still allowed to get some on the side. So he can sleep with 100, 200, or 1000 women, and still be just fine. It’s only you guys who want long-term monogamy someday who are damaging yourselves by sexing all these women.
Alright, here’s the second and larger point on this 100-partner argument. Who ever said you should go out and marry a woman who’s had sex with 100 guys? How many women do you know who’s had sex with 100 guys? Are there really that many? Are you going to get serious with a woman like this? Really?
Some more questions. What’s wrong with having a fuck buddy or MLTR who’s had sex with 100 men? Is there anything wrong with this?
A problem only arises if you get super serious with a woman like this. I agree with you that marrying a woman in a 100% monogamous marriage who’s had sex with 100+ men probably isn’t a great idea. So fine, don’t marry a woman like that. How hard is it to follow that advice? Are there really hordes of 100+ partner women roaming around the streets? Are they really that hard to avoid? No.
That being said, DO have sex with them! Date them! Spend time with them! Enjoy them! Nothing wrong with that as long as you don’t get oneitis or serious.
Again, be realistic. How many women, who’ve had sex with over 100 men, are you going to meet or date in your life? Seriously, this number is going to be very small. The vast majority of the women you’re going to be in relationships with over the course of your life will have had somewhere between 5-30 partners. Very few will be anywhere near 100, much less over 100.
Therefore, all this hand-wringing about these women who’ve fucked 100 men doesn’t make any sense. Statistically, there are very few women rocking these kinds of numbers. Are they really a problem? Is it really worth freaking out about?
Well, okay, fine Blackdragon. But I still wouldn't get serious with a woman who's been with more than three or four guys!!!
If you want to say that you shouldn’t get serious with a woman who’s slept with 100 dudes, then I think you have slightly the wrong attitude, but I certainly won’t argue with you. However, if you then say you shouldn’t get serious with someone who’s been with 15 partners, then that’s just silly. Who cares if she’s been with 15 other dudes before you? Is she now damaged goods? If you dated two women, one who had been with three men and another who had been with 15, you would not be able to tell the difference.
Granted, if you then bring a third woman who had been with 150 men, then yes, you probably could spot the difference with her.
See what I’m saying? Putting the 15-partner women in the same category as the 100-partner women is not only inaccurate, it’s dumb.
The 100-partner argument relies on focusing on a very tiny percentage of women who have been with a staggering amount of sexual partners. If you simply keep the women you get serious with at non-insane partner counts, which I think most men will do anyway, then the argument is completely invalid. Moreover, women who have been with a lot of sexual partners serve a very important and necessary function in the life of an Alpha Male and should not be disparaged.
I’ll end with my final summation on slut shaming. The more you slut shame, the harder you make it for me and every other man to get laid. Dude, getting to sex is hard enough for most men. Why are you making it harder for us?
Want over 35 hours of how-to podcasts on how to improve your woman life and financial life? Want to be able to coach with me twice a month? Want access to hours of technique-based video and audio? The SMIC Program is a monthly podcast and coaching program where you get access to massive amounts of exclusive, members-only Alpha 2.0 content as soon as you sign up, and you can cancel whenever you want. Click here for the details.