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-By Caleb Jones
As I’ve discussed before, most men, even Alpha Males, have no intention on being players for the rest of their lives. At some point, even the horniest players will want to “settle down” in some form or fashion.
Today I’m going to list all the options available to men in the modern era, along with their pros and cons. I will also discuss the possibility regarding children for each. You will quickly find that while every option contains numerous problems, some are much better than the others.
These are listed in no particular order, but I’ll start with the worst option first, just to get it out of the way.
1. Traditional monogamous marriage
This is what I’ve always called a TMM. This is when you legally marry a woman, expect and promise lifetime monogamy, and don’t sign a prenuptial agreement. (Please don’t tell me you’ll get a prenup if you choose this option. The stats clearly show that you won’t.)
In the modern era and Western world, this is, by far, your worst option. As I discussed in detail here, your odds of success with this option are less than 13%, and that’s based on post-2009 figures which have all grown worse since then. The odds are at least 87% that you will either get divorced, experience an affair (you’ll cheat and get caught or she’ll cheat on you) or end up in a shitty, soul-killing marriage that never ends. The price for this very-likely failure for a man is ridiculously high, financially, emotionally, and spiritually.
The men who choose this option are those who are either needy, ignorant, or highly delusional. Hopefully, this won’t be you, though sadly I know that many of you will eventually surrender to this option.
Can you properly raise kids under this option? Yes, though the odds are high you’ll screw them up a little when you get divorced and both you and your (ex) wife hate each other. Kids feel this and are affected deeply by it.
2. Serial monogamy marriage
I’ve discussed this one here. It’s the same as option 1 (legal marriage, monogamy, no prenup) except that you secretly don’t care if you get divorced later, as long as it’s many years “down the road.” You’re almost sort of planning on it.
This is the option most women choose. However, as divorce rates continue to climb, it is gaining growing popularity with many over-30 Alpha Male 1.0s
This option is only for high-drama, high-emotion guys who secretly enjoy chaos, drama, and/or problems. I acknowledge that there is a percentage of men out there like this. If you enjoy big highs and terrible lows, and get off on these ups and downs, then I guess you may go ahead do the serial monogamy marriage thing. But if you don’t like unhappiness, this option is not for you.
Can you properly raise kids under this option? Yes, though you're even more likely to screw them up than with option 1.
3. Be a player forever
This option means you stay in Charlie Harper mode forever, well in your old age, even as a very old man, eventually switching to paid sugar babies or hookers as your looks deteriorate.
This option is barely worth talking about because very few men will choose this option. The vast majority will chose to settle down and pair bond in some form or fashion. Regardless, it's still an option technically.
The only big problem with this option is loneliness. I have never seen a guy choose this option and not wrestle with recurrent feelings of loneliness. Some form of pair bonding is more conducive to long-term happiness for a man, particularly as he gets past age 35.
Can you properly raise kids under this option? No. You will only have kids if they're accidents; then have fun with the child support.
4. Permanently move to the third world
Under this option, a man moves to a third world country where traditional lifetime marriage still (somewhat) works, marries a (often much younger) woman under a monogamous marriage, and stays in that country for the rest of his life. (This option is not when a man marries a woman from the third world and brings her back to the West. That’s simply another variation of option 1 which doesn’t work. As soon as she gets some white girlfriends and westernizes, she’ll divorce your ass faster than you can say “Robin Williams.”)
Though I will never do it, the third world option is a perfectly valid option for the men with the balls, personality, and the lifestyle to uproot his life and permanently relocate to a crappier part of the world. Other than monogamy and high odds of cheating (and thus drama), I see nothing horribly wrong with it. I just know that very few men actually follow this option even if they say they will.
Can you properly raise kids under this option? Yes. Surprisingly, this option is actually perhaps the least-worst option for having kids in the modern day world.
5. Celibate MGTOW
Under this option, you go full-bore MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way), swear off women forever, never date them, and never have sex for the rest of your life.
Yikes. I just got a malevolent chill down my spine by even just typing those words. Like with forever player, very, very few men will choose this option. As problematic as women have become, the hard, undeniable reality is that men like sex. More importantly, as I demonstrated in the Alpha Male 2.0 book, when men deny the fact they are sexual creatures, it damages them as men.
I guess if you're one of those weird men who hate sex, celibate MGTOW might be fine(?). But for the other 95% of you, you're going to have to find a better option for maximum long-term happiness.
Can you properly raise kids under this option? No.
6. Be a serial monogamist forever
This option means that you have a constant stream of short-term (three years or less) monogamous relationships, one after the next, for the rest of your life, even well into your old age.
Like with option 2 (serial monogamy marriage), this option is for Alpha Males who secretly like highs and lows, though they’re not as addicted to problems like those option-2 guys. This option is particularly suitable for men who are more controlling or who don’t have high sex drives.
While I’m against monogamy, I do admit this is a valid option for certain personality types. You’re monogamous, which means you’ve handed your balls over to a woman, and that means there’s a permanent ceiling on your freedom and happiness once the NRE phase is over. You’re also getting dumped a lot which won’t be fun for you. However, at least you’re not putting yourself at risk of divorce and other massive catastrophes.
Can you properly raise kids under this option? No.
7. Polyamory forever
This option means that you have many short-term and long-term polyamorous (MLTR) relationships throughout your life. These relationships will not be live-in relationships (though some can be if you get creative and if your drama tolerance is higher). The man choosing this option never really pairs bonds with one woman into an OLTR, instead always has a steady rotation of FBs and MLTRs, or perhaps even a modern version of polygamy.
There is no problem with this option other than the fact that you will eventually have strong desires for pair bonding and will experience some loneliness in this respect, somewhat like (though not nearly as intense as) the forever player. However, this could easily be overcome by always having a high-end MLTR whom you like “the best,” which is an almost pair bonding (but not quite).
Can you properly raise kids under this option? No, unless you get very unconventional, and even then, I don’t think it’s a good idea.
8. Serial OLTRs
This option is self-explanatory. It’s just like the forever serial monogamy guy, except in this case you have OLTRs instead. You have a pair-bonded girlfriend you don’t live with, and you love her and are committed to her only, but you (and likely her) are allowed to get a little on the side sexually with FBs when needed.
It’s very possible (and even likely) that a man can oscillate back and forth between this option and option 7, having FBs/MLTRs sometimes, an OLTR at others. This is probably the ideal option for most Alphas seeing long-term happiness. This option is a distinct possibility for myself as I get older if I never get to an OLTR Marriage.
Can you properly raise kids under this option? No.
9. Open Marriage (OLTR Marriage)
An OLTR Marriage means you have an OLTR with whom you live full-time or part-time but do not legally marry. You can still have sex with other women on the side, within whatever ground rules you both agree to. Legally married or not, your finances stay completely and legally separate. You do have long-term expectations for the "marriage," though you're not delusional and thus don’t plan on it lasting the rest of your life. However, if does that would be great. I describe it in great detail here.
This is the second-best option after option 8 for Alphas seeing long-term happiness. It has all the advantages of being married “for real” with virtually none of the risks or downsides. You are living with a woman, so there are some risks that you’ll have to manage, but other than that it’s a pretty good deal.
Can you properly raise kids under this option? Yes. This is the second least-worst option for having kids other than the third world option. You will still likely get “divorced” under this option, but unlike the monogamous, legal divorces, there will be much less hard feelings between the parents. This will be less harmful for the kids.
Summary
Here are the options listed in the order of best-to-worst for men who want to pair-bond someday:
Serial OLTRs OLTR Marriage Third world (if he wants kids) Serial monogamist forever (if he doesn’t want kids) Serial monogamy marriage Traditional monogamous marriage
If a man never wanted to pair bond with a woman, here are the options from best to worst:
Polyamory forever Player forever Celibate MGTOW
Lastly, it’s really important to understand that none of these options are prefect. You could find big problems with all of them. The days of the perfect male long-term marriage/relationship scenario have been gone for several decades now. Today, we’re left with options that are not “best” or “worst” but instead are “least bad” or “really bad.” So if you want to tear apart any of the options I said are good, remember that no matter what you say, you’re still comparing them to options that are worse.
Today I’m going to list all the options available to men in the modern era, along with their pros and cons. I will also discuss the possibility regarding children for each. You will quickly find that while every option contains numerous problems, some are much better than the others.
These are listed in no particular order, but I’ll start with the worst option first, just to get it out of the way.
1. Traditional monogamous marriage
This is what I’ve always called a TMM. This is when you legally marry a woman, expect and promise lifetime monogamy, and don’t sign a prenuptial agreement. (Please don’t tell me you’ll get a prenup if you choose this option. The stats clearly show that you won’t.)
In the modern era and Western world, this is, by far, your worst option. As I discussed in detail here, your odds of success with this option are less than 13%, and that’s based on post-2009 figures which have all grown worse since then. The odds are at least 87% that you will either get divorced, experience an affair (you’ll cheat and get caught or she’ll cheat on you) or end up in a shitty, soul-killing marriage that never ends. The price for this very-likely failure for a man is ridiculously high, financially, emotionally, and spiritually.
The men who choose this option are those who are either needy, ignorant, or highly delusional. Hopefully, this won’t be you, though sadly I know that many of you will eventually surrender to this option.
Can you properly raise kids under this option? Yes, though the odds are high you’ll screw them up a little when you get divorced and both you and your (ex) wife hate each other. Kids feel this and are affected deeply by it.
2. Serial monogamy marriage
I’ve discussed this one here. It’s the same as option 1 (legal marriage, monogamy, no prenup) except that you secretly don’t care if you get divorced later, as long as it’s many years “down the road.” You’re almost sort of planning on it.
This is the option most women choose. However, as divorce rates continue to climb, it is gaining growing popularity with many over-30 Alpha Male 1.0s
This option is only for high-drama, high-emotion guys who secretly enjoy chaos, drama, and/or problems. I acknowledge that there is a percentage of men out there like this. If you enjoy big highs and terrible lows, and get off on these ups and downs, then I guess you may go ahead do the serial monogamy marriage thing. But if you don’t like unhappiness, this option is not for you.
Can you properly raise kids under this option? Yes, though you're even more likely to screw them up than with option 1.
3. Be a player forever
This option means you stay in Charlie Harper mode forever, well in your old age, even as a very old man, eventually switching to paid sugar babies or hookers as your looks deteriorate.
This option is barely worth talking about because very few men will choose this option. The vast majority will chose to settle down and pair bond in some form or fashion. Regardless, it's still an option technically.
The only big problem with this option is loneliness. I have never seen a guy choose this option and not wrestle with recurrent feelings of loneliness. Some form of pair bonding is more conducive to long-term happiness for a man, particularly as he gets past age 35.
Can you properly raise kids under this option? No. You will only have kids if they're accidents; then have fun with the child support.
4. Permanently move to the third world
Under this option, a man moves to a third world country where traditional lifetime marriage still (somewhat) works, marries a (often much younger) woman under a monogamous marriage, and stays in that country for the rest of his life. (This option is not when a man marries a woman from the third world and brings her back to the West. That’s simply another variation of option 1 which doesn’t work. As soon as she gets some white girlfriends and westernizes, she’ll divorce your ass faster than you can say “Robin Williams.”)
Though I will never do it, the third world option is a perfectly valid option for the men with the balls, personality, and the lifestyle to uproot his life and permanently relocate to a crappier part of the world. Other than monogamy and high odds of cheating (and thus drama), I see nothing horribly wrong with it. I just know that very few men actually follow this option even if they say they will.
Can you properly raise kids under this option? Yes. Surprisingly, this option is actually perhaps the least-worst option for having kids in the modern day world.
5. Celibate MGTOW
Under this option, you go full-bore MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way), swear off women forever, never date them, and never have sex for the rest of your life.
Yikes. I just got a malevolent chill down my spine by even just typing those words. Like with forever player, very, very few men will choose this option. As problematic as women have become, the hard, undeniable reality is that men like sex. More importantly, as I demonstrated in the Alpha Male 2.0 book, when men deny the fact they are sexual creatures, it damages them as men.
I guess if you're one of those weird men who hate sex, celibate MGTOW might be fine(?). But for the other 95% of you, you're going to have to find a better option for maximum long-term happiness.
Can you properly raise kids under this option? No.
6. Be a serial monogamist forever
This option means that you have a constant stream of short-term (three years or less) monogamous relationships, one after the next, for the rest of your life, even well into your old age.
Like with option 2 (serial monogamy marriage), this option is for Alpha Males who secretly like highs and lows, though they’re not as addicted to problems like those option-2 guys. This option is particularly suitable for men who are more controlling or who don’t have high sex drives.
While I’m against monogamy, I do admit this is a valid option for certain personality types. You’re monogamous, which means you’ve handed your balls over to a woman, and that means there’s a permanent ceiling on your freedom and happiness once the NRE phase is over. You’re also getting dumped a lot which won’t be fun for you. However, at least you’re not putting yourself at risk of divorce and other massive catastrophes.
Can you properly raise kids under this option? No.
7. Polyamory forever
This option means that you have many short-term and long-term polyamorous (MLTR) relationships throughout your life. These relationships will not be live-in relationships (though some can be if you get creative and if your drama tolerance is higher). The man choosing this option never really pairs bonds with one woman into an OLTR, instead always has a steady rotation of FBs and MLTRs, or perhaps even a modern version of polygamy.
There is no problem with this option other than the fact that you will eventually have strong desires for pair bonding and will experience some loneliness in this respect, somewhat like (though not nearly as intense as) the forever player. However, this could easily be overcome by always having a high-end MLTR whom you like “the best,” which is an almost pair bonding (but not quite).
Can you properly raise kids under this option? No, unless you get very unconventional, and even then, I don’t think it’s a good idea.
8. Serial OLTRs
This option is self-explanatory. It’s just like the forever serial monogamy guy, except in this case you have OLTRs instead. You have a pair-bonded girlfriend you don’t live with, and you love her and are committed to her only, but you (and likely her) are allowed to get a little on the side sexually with FBs when needed.
It’s very possible (and even likely) that a man can oscillate back and forth between this option and option 7, having FBs/MLTRs sometimes, an OLTR at others. This is probably the ideal option for most Alphas seeing long-term happiness. This option is a distinct possibility for myself as I get older if I never get to an OLTR Marriage.
Can you properly raise kids under this option? No.
9. Open Marriage (OLTR Marriage)
An OLTR Marriage means you have an OLTR with whom you live full-time or part-time but do not legally marry. You can still have sex with other women on the side, within whatever ground rules you both agree to. Legally married or not, your finances stay completely and legally separate. You do have long-term expectations for the "marriage," though you're not delusional and thus don’t plan on it lasting the rest of your life. However, if does that would be great. I describe it in great detail here.
This is the second-best option after option 8 for Alphas seeing long-term happiness. It has all the advantages of being married “for real” with virtually none of the risks or downsides. You are living with a woman, so there are some risks that you’ll have to manage, but other than that it’s a pretty good deal.
Can you properly raise kids under this option? Yes. This is the second least-worst option for having kids other than the third world option. You will still likely get “divorced” under this option, but unlike the monogamous, legal divorces, there will be much less hard feelings between the parents. This will be less harmful for the kids.
Summary
Here are the options listed in the order of best-to-worst for men who want to pair-bond someday:
Serial OLTRs OLTR Marriage Third world (if he wants kids) Serial monogamist forever (if he doesn’t want kids) Serial monogamy marriage Traditional monogamous marriage
If a man never wanted to pair bond with a woman, here are the options from best to worst:
Polyamory forever Player forever Celibate MGTOW
Lastly, it’s really important to understand that none of these options are prefect. You could find big problems with all of them. The days of the perfect male long-term marriage/relationship scenario have been gone for several decades now. Today, we’re left with options that are not “best” or “worst” but instead are “least bad” or “really bad.” So if you want to tear apart any of the options I said are good, remember that no matter what you say, you’re still comparing them to options that are worse.
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