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Relationship Advice and Hypocrisy
-By Caleb Jones
She was bitchy about it at her blog, saying things like,
I’m announcing this news a lot sooner than I ever expected due to the constant trolls who have nothing better to talk about!!!and
I do not want any lecturesYes, you pampered, hypocritical bitch, I’m sure you don’t. This is a woman who was paid as much as $30,000 per speech and $260,000 by one charity alone for preaching about sexual responsibility and pregnancy prevention.
Is she going to get an abortion? Of course not. She’s a right-wing conservative. She’s going to have the baby and all of her friends and everyone in her family will kiss her ass, just as most people do these days when young, unmarried women have babies by accident.
Of course she quickly backtracked and said the pregnancy was "planned." Yeah, right. If that's true, that makes all of this even worse.
I’m not going to spend the rest of this blog post bashing this doofus. That’s too easy, and it’s not even the real problem. She’s wealthy, and I’ve said before that I don’t mind if wealthy single women crank out babies. (Though the fact she’s a raging hypocrite who ripped off thousands of dollars from charities doesn’t do much for her.)
The real problem here is society’s worship of hypocrites when it comes to relationship and sex advice. I’ll give you several examples.
1. Barbara De Angelis. This woman was one of the foremost relationship experts of the 80s and 90s. For many years she was all over TV and hailed as a relationship expert. She sold products, put on seminars, had several New York Times bestsellers, and made millions of dollars teaching people, mostly women, how to have quality, lifelong relationships.
Just one problem. She’s been divorced five times.
I don’t mean she’s been divorced five times by now. I mean back when she was popular, she had been divorced five times, all before 1995. One of the five husbands was none other than John Gray, the author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.
It gets worse. Back in the early 90s, I watched several long interviews with Barbara, and she’s, well, a psycho. She would talk seriously about having past life experiences. She would have actual, hyperventilating panic attacks if her boyfriend didn’t call her every day, especially while traveling, and update her on exactly what he was doing at all times.
None of this seemed to bother society, who pumped her up as some kind of qualified relationship expert and bought products from her to the tune of millions of dollars.
2. Tony Robbins. Look, I love Tony Robbins. Really, I do. I’ve seen him speak several times, have read his books, and his original Personal Power program definitely contributed to some of my successes in life back in the early 90s. His general success principles and NLP stuff is top-notch and I wholeheartedly recommend it to others.
The problem is that he made millions of dollars on seminars and products around the topic of how to have a marriage that “lasts a lifetime” and how to find the “perfect mate”.
I have no problem with people making money giving advice. I do that myself. But you’d better be the example of the advice you’re giving. I have no problem with Tony giving advice on how to turn your life around, or form new habits, or make a lot of money. He’s done all that stuff. But having a quality marriage?
Tony married an older single mother with three kids, the oldest of which was just a few years younger than Tony at the time. While being married to this woman, he fathered a child with another woman. Then, as many of you know, Mr. Marriage That Lasts A Lifetime got divorced. Oops.
Worse, he married another woman the same year he got divorced. This new woman was married to another guy when she started dating Tony, and left the dude to marry Tony.
Does any of this sound like someone using good relationship strategies?
3. Dr. Laura Schlesinger. Dr. Laura was a hugely successful radio talk show host who gave advice on relationship issues, mostly marriage and relationships. Being a right-wing Christian, she regularly berated callers, quite angrily, about how they should not “shack up” (i.e. move in with someone) unless legally married, how people should be faithful in marriage, how people should pick quality partners, how people shouldn’t get divorced, how women shouldn’t have babies out of wedlock, how people should respect their family, etc.
She made millions upon millions of dollars with this advice, and was almost a household name.
Just one problem. She had blatantly and repeatedly violated all the advice she gave. She dated a married man. He actually moved in with her, while not being married to her, and stayed with her for nine years. After his divorce, they finally got married. Why? Because she got pregnant. Out of wedlock.
She didn’t speak to her own sister or mother for 18 years. Her mom died alone in her apartment, and no one knew for two months until her dead body started to stink up the place. Dr. Laura had no idea, and apparently didn’t even care.
4. PUA and the manosphere. Obviously this isn’t mainstream, but this hypocrisy extends even to our little world. Just off the top of my head, I could name at least seven PUA/manosphere gurus right now, many of whom you’d know or have heard of, who have given advice on how to “find the perfect girlfriend” or “find the perfect wife” or give relationship advice in general. These guys went on to either get married or move in together in a monogamous relationship, brag about how happy they were (often adding that they “didn’t need PUA any more”) only to have it blow up in their faces a year or two later. Breakups, move-outs, divorces, drama.
(No, I’m not going to name names, so please don’t ask. That would cause a flame war and I don’t have the time in my schedule at the moment to deal with the fallout, even if it made me money. But many of you know who these guys are.)
This is why I A) never give advice regarding monogamous relationships and B) never give advice about how to have a relationship or marriage that lasts "the rest of your life." I have no successful experience with monogamy, nor is having a marriage that lasts "the rest of your life" possible for most people in the modern era, particularly Alpha Males.
In society, people are (for the most part) smart enough to not take get-rich advice from people who are poor, or get-fit advice from people who are fat. But for some bizarre reason, people will happily suck up relationship and sex advice from hypocritical dumbasses like Bristol Palin who are doing the exact opposite of the crap that they’re advising other people to do.
Even if some people point out the hypocrisy, these hypocrites are often vehemently defended. It’s fascinating as it is sad.
One of my personal business standards is to not give advice in areas I have no experience in. Guys ask me all the time to give advice about things like monogamous relationships and fitness, and I always refuse. I have no expertise or real successes in these areas, so I refuse to give advice about it, and will continue to do so.
I’m not sure why this is difficult for other people to do. If you haven’t done it, don’t shoot your mouth off about it. If you’ve done it, but don’t know for sure if it’s really worked out yet, keep your mouth shut about it until it does. If you aren’t practicing what you preach, stop preaching. (If you want to talk about what you would like to, or about something theoretically possible, or something you’re attempting, that’s all okay. I often do that myself, but I make it very clear that it’s not something which I’ve personally accomplished yet, and thus not qualified to give advice about.)
The problem isn’t Bristol Palin. The problem is a society so needy for relationship or sex advice that they’ll listen to just about anyone who gives the said advice, regardless of whether that advice makes sense or if the advice-giver is actually doing (or has done) what they’re advising.
Society created Bristol Palin. It’s our fault. And society isn’t done creating more of her.
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Blackdragon 2015-06-30 09:50:57
Before anyone asks, I won’t be commenting on the recent gay marriage decision, since I’ve already said everything I have to say on the subject here and here. Please comment at those posts if you wish to discuss that topic. Thanks.
Allan 2015-06-30 10:18:17
WoW - spot on on all of this. Seems the norm is "do as I say, not as I do". Thanks for the article! Al
JoshuaTenor 2015-06-30 10:25:38
Yes! I find hypocrisy to be a big problem in society in general. When I give people advice, I provide it in the form of "this is what my experience has taught me, and hopefully you find this information useful". But I surely would never create the illusion of success where I haven't had it.
Blackdragon 2015-06-30 10:54:01
Yes! I find hypocrisy to be a big problem in society in general.Depends on the area. I see it as a huge problem in relationship/moral areas and in politics. In other areas of life (fitness, business, etc) I don't see much of it.
CaveClown 2015-06-30 11:29:30
Never commented here before, but been reading for some time. Great stuff BD. I'm in the early stages of a divorce. I get advice from people all the time on how to save the marriage and so on. Meanwhile, all these people are either divorced, or in bad relationships. I've literally had men give me advice and then at that exact moment have their wife walk in and boss them around like hired help. Funny.
Alex Cockell 2015-06-30 11:48:25
Re Bristol Palin - does this fit the bill? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G333Is7VPOg
Steve 2015-06-30 12:59:22
Dr. Phil might also be a good example of charlatans gone wild while laughing all the way to the bank.
Tony 2015-06-30 14:16:57
When I was in school my university wanted to pay Bristol Palin $20k to speak on some panel about being abstinent in college. The only problem is that not only was she not abstinent,she never went to college. Of course everybody went crazy and they ended up rescinding the invite.
JJ Roberts 2015-06-30 15:00:33
It is not possible to solve problems created by 2.0 thinking by using 2.0 thinking. Pretty much every single piece of relationship advice out there is exactly that. Even the so called "PUA" stuff with people claiming that they are "red pill". Nope, bitching and moaning about the blue pill way of the world does not make you red pill.
Duke 2015-06-30 15:55:13
I think this post is more about how dumb the general population is than the authors being hypocrites. If a person can make money by spouting non-sense, why wouldn't they? People buy books that are going to reinforce their fairy tales, not books that contradict them. These authors aren't even the tip of the ice berg. There is La La Anthony, Carmelo Anthony's wife. She wrote a book called The Love Play Book, New York Times best seller with an average of 4 and a half stars on amazon. All this from a woman that could barely get her man to marry her after being engaged for six years. Then there is forty something Reality TV star Bethenny Frankel who was bold enough to write a book called I Suck at Relationships so You Don't Have to. I flipped through the book one time when I was at Target and couldn't believe that something like that could get published, let alone sell for twenty five dollars. My personal favorite though is pussy beggar Steve Harvey. This guy makes money like a champ. He has his own radio show, talk show, game show, and has written two books on relationships, while being married three times. I don't even know if he believes half the shit that he says though. My guess is he doesn't have to as long as woman keep buying his books and watching his show.
big daddy 2015-06-30 16:15:30
Well why not take relationship advice from hypocritical conservatives? After all do we not take climate advice from hypocritical liberals who run around screaming that we are all gonna die because of global warming? Witness Al Gore, AKA man-bear-pig. He creates a movie warning us all about the dangers of global warming caused by man made carbon emissions. Then he proceeds to build a mansion, funded by profits from carbon trading schemes, that consumes massive amounts of power and spews massive amounts of carbon. Meanwhile he is jetting around the world picking up all these environmentalist awards for raising awareness of this global warming "problem". As if all of his traveling activities were somehow exempt from causing the problems he is warning us about. And somehow people see absolutely no irony whatsoever in any of this. BD, you were focusing on the relationship advice angle of this, I get it. My point is, people fall for hypocritical advice in all areas of life. Why should relationship advice be any different?
Blackdragon 2015-06-30 17:26:10
I get advice from people all the time on how to save the marriage and so on. Meanwhile, all these people are either divorced, or in bad relationships. I’ve literally had men give me advice and then at that exact moment have their wife walk in and boss them around like hired help. Funny.Me too. Everyone loves to be a relationship expert, even when their own relationships suck. Women are particularly guilty of this.
When I was in school my university wanted to pay Bristol Palin $20k to speak on some panel about being abstinent in college. The only problem is that not only was she not abstinent,she never went to college. Of course everybody went crazy and they ended up rescinding the invite.I sure hope my mom runs for president someday so I can get $20,000 per speech recommending a bunch of stuff I'm not doing.
My personal favorite though is pussy beggar Steve Harvey. This guy makes money like a champ.I forgot all about Steve Harvey! Hell yeah! He racks in that cash!
Witness Al Gore, AKA man-bear-pig."Man Bear Pig! Hey guys, I'm totally cereal!" Haha! Oh fuck yeah! Al Gore, one of the greatest political con artists of the last 30 years. Let's not forget he sold his TV channels to those evil oil arabs for millions of dollars. But like I said above, you're using a political example and politics is one of the 3 hypocritical areas I see: - Relationships / sex - Moral issues - Politics
Al 2015-06-30 18:43:39
Another great post. What else would we expect?! 🙂 Whilst it is mildly irritating to see all this going on, there is always money to be made from other people's problems, perceived or actual. So if a few dumb people give money to clever people, it should be no surprise. No different to cigarettes and alcohol for sale really. (And weddings 😀 ) I would worry me more if all this relationship advice actually worked! All the while that it doesn't and the hypocrisy is exposed, it helps add to the ammunition being gathered to shoot the long term relationship myth down in flames.
Al 2015-06-30 19:03:51
I should have read Palin's blog before commenting. Apparently, none of this matters, because god is merciful. Well, that's all right then. We are all saved. 🙁
Mih 2015-07-01 01:00:11
Hey, you just gave me a great idea - i should have a blog about how to make monogamy work and how you can be happiest in that relationship framework.
Jon 2015-07-01 16:45:31
It seems like Holly Fisher should be on the list too. You know, the girl with the viral Hobby Lobby photo who was a patriotic heroine for the Christian right until she cheated on her combat veteran husband with a Tea Party video editor at a Faith and Freedom event... But it's all good. She prayed about it and now she and Jebus are closer than ever. 😐
Tony 2015-07-01 18:31:41
Mih- You'd probably make a lot more money than Caleb does doing this. It's a lot harder to sell people hard truths than convenient lies.
Amanda 2015-07-01 18:48:20
Yeah, it seems the most vocal are sometimes the biggest hypocrites, particularly those who preach endlessly about the immorality of others. Some more examples: - Ted Haggard (evangelical pastor caught having sex and getting high on meth with a male prostitute) - John Piper (Christian Patriarchy bigwig who preached about sexual purity, but was discovered to have had an ongoing affair with his kids' nanny) - And who can forget Newt Gingrich! Obviously many others have done and are doing the same things these people did (which is often their go-to response when caught), but it really irks me when those same people made their millions by preaching "family values" - especially when said preaching involves a heavy dose of finger-pointing at the "immoral, godless heathens"!
Diggy 2015-07-02 12:06:18
Did anyone see that show millionaire match maker? Or maybe its still on... I gave up on TV a few years back partly because of swill like this. The millionaire relationship "expert" advised millionaires who can't get laid how to change themselves in a beta pussy to get all the pussy. She actually told her clients that if they slept with one of the women before making her a GF she would fire them. She was not married and apparently a "handful" to put it nicely. Her qualifications are working at Great Expectations, the video dating service. You can't make this shit up... Yet millionaires were letting this woman change them instead of finding someone that fit their lifestyle. And she made millions.... Sometimes I don't even know how to deal with the world!
Blackdragon 2015-07-02 14:31:01
Did anyone see that show millionaire match maker?Yes! And you're right, it should have been called "How To Be A Beta." I only saw two episodes but they made me cringe. That goes back to my point earlier: Just because a guy has a lot of money doesn't mean he's an Alpha. The world is full of high income and high net worth betas.
Amanda 2015-07-02 16:02:45
Yes, I remember the Millionaire Matchmaker! "No sex before monogamy." She screamed at one girl for "giving it up," and attributed that to why the couple was no longer together. Of course, hardly any of the couples ended up staying together for any period of time, and her "98% success rate" stopped being announced at the beginning of the show. Also, Patti (the matchmaker) made a big show of her engagement, only to later call it off. However, I do think that many men prefer that women don't have sex too soon (even though most men will try), probably thinking it shows poor character. These guys are mostly betas or maybe Alpha 1's. I don't like it and it would be awesome if sex were not commonly thought of as something the man tries to take and the woman guards, but that seems to be the way a lot of men think - "if she did it with me, how many other men has she done it with?" When I waited until commitment in relationships, guys would go out of their way to specifically tell me how much more they respected me and that it solidified in their minds that they wanted to be with me. Most guys I've been with (including my current BF) have been confident betas - I think one past boyfriend was an Alpha 2 and nothing seemed to bother him, but there were other factors that prevented that relationship from working out.
lgrobins 2015-07-03 15:49:27
I covered this post on my blog and am now getting accused of slander regarding Dr. Laura. I was provided with this link http://mobile.wnd.com/2006/04/35656/ , which is Dr. Laura's own words and defense to everything said about her, specifically about her mom she says this: "She was not there for my son’s birth, my home burning to the ground, my husband’s near fatal heart-attack, nor the public attacks on me and my career by various special-interest groups. After that, I frankly didn’t care about her either. There had never been any mother-daughter bond with me or with my sister. One day the Beverly Hills Police called me (she had a condo in Beverly Hills) to let me know my mother was dead, and had been dead on the floor of her apartment for about four months. (There were no friends and none of her neighbors were close – nobody noticed!) They said it was probably a homicide, but not a robbery. When the police came to my home to ask me questions, I told them it couldn’t be a homicide. I said that to murder someone “personal,” you had to be close enough to begin to hate, and that nobody got close to her. The final conclusion was unknown cause of death, but not homicide. The horrendous part of all of this is how the media – because I am a “celebrity” – handled this event. I was accused by many of the network so-called news shows and radio talk-show hosts of abandoning my mother, contrary to what I espouse on my radio program. She alienated everyone from her life and I was being made to pay the price for that. One of the network morning-news anchors asked some psychiatrist they grabbed at the last moment to comment on whether I should be giving advice about family issues when I didn’t have a relationship with my mother. My mother, I anguished, was causing me pain even after death! My mother had a condo worth over a half-million dollars, stocks, bonds, money in the bank, and insurance policies (which were made out to me as the beneficiary – I gave it all away to a children’s foundation charity). She took trips on luxury liners and flew the Concorde to Europe. She didn’t lack for anything she wanted" Her fan club is basically saying that its because her mom rejected her that she ultimately didn't care about her mom's death, but my thought is----is that what religious people do? Tit for tat, you reject me so I reject you. This is all suppose to be evidence that everything said about Dr. Laura is a lie, but these are just a woman's word and people can believe it or not. So she says she gave the money from her mom's estate to charity. Awwwww how sweet, but again, its just her words....we will never know if this is actually true. Also, so did she just tell the police it wasn't a homicide and they believed her? There is something manipulative about the way that is all said. And you don't have to be close enough to someone to hate...crimes can also be random and not personal. If the police thought it was homicide, that say something and I would be curious to learn the actual reports from that, but we will never know.
dcl 2015-07-03 22:47:43
I have a massive collection of pua and game material on my computer. DVD sets, pdf and ebook files, mp3s and audio books, stuff like that. There's so much there that I couldn't possibly go through it all. I wouldn't want to either. Not at this point. I don't need it anymore. They all say basically the same things, with some extra bits you don't really need. Anyways, the other day while I was searching on my computer for an unrelated file, I came upon a pamphlet turned ebook by a guy named Allen Roger Currie. The ebook is called, "Mode One: Hardcore Casual Sex Version." While it's not exactly like yours, the way he wrote reminded me of your writing. Straight to the point, no bullshit type. For example, "Women like to "test" a man's sense of backbone. If they criticize you ... especially harshly ... and you back down or quickly apologize, you're letting a woman know what you really don't have any true BALLS. You're "pretending" to have balls. Women like a man who REALLY has BALLS. (Page 22)." Have you heard of him before?
Blackdragon 2015-07-06 18:22:10
Have you heard of him before?Yeah, I have. I don't really understand his core concept though. My vague understanding is that he recommends you walk right up to women and tell them they're hot and you want to fuck them. But that can't be right, thus my lack of knowledge on his technique.
Steve 2015-07-20 03:02:22
Regarding the "relationship advice" portion....If you have been seeing a girl for quite awhile on an on/off basis and you feel, despite having sex occasionally and regular communication, that you are too much in the friend zone area despite promising more sex is it best to do which of these? When she texts, is it best to respond with pointing out that she hasn't been living up to her promises to me or is it best to completely and suddenly NC her and not respond to texts at all? In the past, during various issues, I have done this for a week or so and she simply texts back "Guess you are being immature and not wanting to talk to me anymore. "If that's how you want it then good bye and good luck to you" Which is the best strategy to get her to realize I won't settle for friend zone without causing her to think that I never want to talk to her again and chance having her move on elsewhere permanently?
Al 2015-07-20 03:12:33
@Steve In my limited experience, no contact is best. I've had several instances of texts saying all sorts of stuff. I've ignored it all. Eventually, days, weeks or months later the text comes with an invite for sex. Yes, she may move on. Sad, but it happens. Relationships are transitory. NEVER, ever, point out her faults, her part of the bargain. That's the best way to antagonize her. Ignore what she says. Watch what she does. It's not easy but it does work. Don't respond to her accusations or try to set her straight. Don't get into an argument where you try to justify yourself to her. It reeks of beta behaviour. She's testing you. I am in the last throes of an on/off 3 year relationship. She hovers, we have sex sometimes but she is on the way out. I can tell. But any contact is initiated by her. Not me. Don't weaken. Find someone else. They are all out there.
Blackdragon 2015-07-20 09:54:25
Steve - Instantly soft next any woman you're dating who refuse to have sex with you. Especially after promising it and then not doing it. Don't keep spending time with such a woman; you're encouraging friend zone and it's 100% your fault.
Steve 2015-07-20 15:25:02
@Al and @Blackdragon......Thanks guys, soft nexting it is for a couple weeks and I am guessing that after the "accusations" she has of my change in behavior.....if she texts me with a different tone and promises sex that you agree that's ok to proceed with that being the standard from then on or does it have to be a longer period of soft nexting? I would think if she agrees and changes her attitude after a short period of tie it's ok to roll with it, but just asking. (And yes, to be outcome independent I will attempt to schedule a back up date later in the evening just in case.)
Steve 2015-07-20 15:45:22
@ Blackdragon......also in a lot of your soft nexting advice you say to use it usually after she tries to have an argument with you or when she gives you some sort of drama episode. In my case, it is just her having control (not giving sex when promised) and her exercising her independent ways of doing what she wants (or not wants) when she wants because she gets SO much attention from guys everywhere because of her looks (yes she's a model). Also in your soft nexting advice you say in approx. 3-7 days after initiating the soft nexting, the guy calls or texts the girl and picks up the conversation and plans to do things like nothing happened. In my case, is it best for me to reingage the communication with this girl or wait for one of her texts after a week or two? (assuming there would be one at that point).
Blackdragon 2015-07-20 16:12:22
1. You can soft next a woman for any reason, not just drama. For example, refusing to have sex with me, even if done very nicely and sweetly will earn a woman an instant soft next, at least from me. Often this version of a next will last a week or longer. 2. You should NEVER interrupt the nexting period just because she promises something. "Okay, okay, I'll have sex with you now!" NO. Responding to that before the nexting period is over destroys the entire next and will actually make things worse in your relationship. 3. I would wait until she texts you first.
Steve 2015-07-20 17:36:18
@BD.....Yes thanks, and sorry to have to give you more of this to help with, but I guess I didn't ask it right in the previous posting..... 1) The problem has never really been her not texting me, although I know when she realizes I am ignoring her, she will go off on me in her texts. Regardless, what I am saying is that if she texts me after a few days saying something like "Hey, I miss you and want to spend the night tonight."....should I take the opportunity at that point or be suspect of her offer after just a few days and continue to next for a certain length to ensure she gets the seriousness of the reason for the nexting and to ensure a true change in her long term behavior? (if that's possible) 2) Also, very important....if this does not come from an argument where she unloaded a bunch of drama on me and instead it's from her lack of attention getting worse over the past couple months....if I suddenly next now for a week or more (when I haven't really done that before during the 9 months I've seen her), will my now doing that all the sudden confuse her as to what my exact reason is? I haven't seen her in a week, but in the past few days I've also discovered a dating site profile (btw...I've had one on the same site with no pic posted for along time) and she's had some questionable postings on Instagram. She knows I know about the dating profile (don't know how long she's had it, possibly the entire time we've been seeing each other). So my question is.... before I start the nexting, when she texts me again in the next day or two, should I point out (calmly without beta rage) exactly how she fucked up before I go totally silent or should I not say anything because she will just assume overall that her cumulative actions have caused my sudden scarcity?
Blackdragon 2015-07-20 18:17:40
Steve. Stop being a pussy.
Al 2015-07-20 21:45:02
@ Steve. It's simple (or it is with experience). Completely ignore this woman. Don't forget, she can, and will, do whatever she wants. AND you should let her be free to do so. I've been there, so listen. I had an "awkward" girl who loved to run things. I eventually actually turned down an offer of sex with her. Then she blew up my phone. It took some balls for me to turn her down. I could have run to her and yes we would have had sex but I would not have been in control. We've had sex several times since. Until she knows that she can't mess you about, you will be stuck where you are. If this woman is the pain that she seems to be, what are you doing with her anyway? Don't let the little voices in your head make you chase her. She has plenty of attention by the sounds of it. Let them buy her dinner and give her gifts. Don't "tell her off" - you'll lose. If and when she is ready, she will have sex with you. That day may never come. Hook up with someone else. Don't answer any of her texts until it becomes obvious that she is definitely interested. You said it yourself. Be outcome independent. Try it. It works. I know.
Steve 2015-07-21 01:07:20
@BD.....didn't think I was, but ok. I know sometimes we need to be slapped in the face to snap out of it. Although I've seen other blogs where you answered similar come backs asking more details. @Al......thanks and since she knows I often work from home, garage open, etc because I have my own business....if she eventually drops by it will be a challenge to not get sucked into having a conversation after she questions me, let alone keep a straight face.
Steve 2015-07-21 18:19:20
Nexting and NC contact started today. So far 3 texts and 3 calls from her. I have no choice at this point to do this. Things have to change if there is any hope of a future. If you knew what I have done and bought for this girl in the past you guys would kill me and look where I am. Hard to explain though to anyone else if you've never been in "L". It totally blinds you if you aren't careful.
Al 2015-07-21 20:08:15
Steve, We've all been in love. As perverse as it is, being nice guy, buying stuff, doing things for her, actually diminishes her attraction to you. You become the same as all the other guys who orbit her. There is a very slim chance she'll disappear but I've practised nexting more than a few times now. It has never failed. Take a deep breath. 🙂 But you are beginning to answer your own questions now. That's good. And guess what? I got a text this morning from my boomerang. After 4 weeks.
Steve 2015-07-22 07:11:13
Thanks Al, your experiences show to keep the faith. This whole time I have been a patient saint through all the bullshit and mixed messages with the thinking that I realize she's much younger than me and and has to learn to realize what's important in life and who has her best interest in mind. I also know that she wants to have her first child in the the next year or two and since I want that same thing and wanted it so bad to be with her, I have held on, but if it's not meant to be and she's not the match and more importantly, can't ultimately trust her like I would need to, then it's going to come down to this process as being the difference or forget it and I move on forever and can never look back and at most she would be a FB. I really, really appreciate you and BD taking time on this issue for me. It means alot.
Sledjoys 2019-10-25 15:17:36
Oh man, I had to stop following a YouTuber because I kept noticing way too many examples of her hypocrisy. For me, the straw that broke the camel's back was when she made a whole video bashing open relationships and how they were basically just cheating without consequences (which it fucking isn't, but okay). The kicker? In her videos, she's stated that not only does she find it hard to be monogamous, but that she's cheated multiple times and doesn't feel guilty about it. Bitches got high drama needs! I don't want to name her or give her more traffic to her channel, but she's exactly the over-33 Dominant with the maxed-out ASD that you talk about. A textbook example. It's almost as if you had her in mind. She bashes older men for dating younger women because she thinks it's predatory, but turns around and advocates that women date younger guys because they're "more adaptable" (projectile vomiting). And then she'll joke that having a boyfriend is like having a dumb son. Yeah, no shit, you're dating younger guys. I would've been what you defined as a VYW #2 if I hadn't turned 24 last week. What's more disturbing than this hypocrisy is how little people are bothered by it. It really begs the question as to why. Now, I don't agree with everything you say (and honestly, who does?), but I get the impression that you're at least trying to be an example for the advice you give, and for the most part, are quite successful. My problem is when people like Bristol Palin or that YouTuber I talked about don't make even the slightest effort to be an example. You might as well get a face tattoo that reads "Charlatan."