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This is the first in an ongoing series where I give advice to guys specific to their race. A common complaint is that most men’s pickup or dating advice is white guys giving advice to other white guys on how to have sex with white or Asian girls. This is correct. I can see how men of other races, particularly those living in the West where most women are white, can feel left out.
-By Caleb Jones
I’m going to do my best to give helpful dating advice today for black guys. In upcoming installments in this series, I will write specific articles addressing other races, including Asian guys, Hispanic guys, and Indian guys. Stay tuned for that.
Let’s get the obvious disclaimer over with first. I’m white. I’m as white as milk on rice on a paper plate in a snowstorm. I’m whiter than most white men. Therefore, my advice to men in this series will be based on the results and problems that I’ve seen other non-white men experience in discussing these topics with literally thousands of men over the last eight years.
In that time, I’ve seen a lot of black guys (or Asian guys, or Indian guys, etc.) do a lot of things right and score with white girls (and other girls), and a lot of things wrong and get nowhere. So just like with the issue of the good and bad cities, I have a pretty good idea of what works for non-white guys and what doesn’t, even if I myself am white.
Will my advice be perfect? No. The best dating advice a black man could get would be from another black man who is already very successful with the type of women he likes. I will try to be the next best thing, based on my experience of working, communicating and observing black guys in the dating arena, but I fully admit my advice won’t be as good.
If you are black and have successfully had sex with many women (both inside and outside of your race), please do comment below and offer advice to your brothers.
Advice for Black Guys Going After Black Women
Not much I can say here. Much like Hispanic women, black women tend to be higher-drama than women of other races, but this is somewhat equated by the fact that black men also tend to be higher-drama themselves. If you’re a black guy seeking black women, I don’t think you need any customized help beyond the standard dating advice I have already given in my blogs and books.
You’ll simply have to remember something which you probably already know; that black women are (likely, but not always) going to throw more jealousy and drama at you than the typical white or Asian girl.
Advice for Black Guys Going After White Women
This is where things get a little complicated. I’ll take this step by step.
1. Understand in advance that your success rates are going to be lower with women of other races no matter what you do.
It doesn’t matter if you’re talking about online game or daygame or whatever. If you’re black and the women you’re working on are white, you are going to get a lower hit rate / response rate than a white man of the equivalent attractiveness. This is even if you do everything right. That's is just the way it is and there’s nothing you or I can do about it. It's biological; human beings tend to be more attracted to other human beings of the equivalent race.
This is why, with online dating, I always tell non-white guys to target the women of their race first, clean the dating site/app of those women first, then move to the women of other races. Your response rate will be much higher with women of your own race if you’re non-white. Again, it’s just the way it is.
That doesn’t mean you can’t get laid. I know plenty of black guys who are fantastic players and have sex with hot white girls all the time. It just means you can’t expect the exact same response rates as a white guy. Accept this and don’t get pissed off about it.
2. Calm the fuck down.
Black guys’ biggest problem is that they usually have extreme, overconfident, overly aggressive Alpha Male 1.0 personalities. That’s fine for most black women. It is not fine for most white women. All you’ll do with your overly aggressive hyper-confidence is turn off, or even scare away white girls.
If you’re wanting to date white girls, you need to take your energy level down about three or four notches. Think classy and cool, not badass or gansta. Don’t be quite as aggressive. Talk a little more softly. Be a little more polite. Avoid ebonics and talk like what a white girl would be accustomed to hearing. Just calm down, you bastard. Seriously, I see a lot good-looking black guys who could score with white women if they just calmed down a little (or a lot!).
In that time, I’ve seen a lot of black guys (or Asian guys, or Indian guys, etc.) do a lot of things right and score with white girls (and other girls), and a lot of things wrong and get nowhere. So just like with the issue of the good and bad cities, I have a pretty good idea of what works for non-white guys and what doesn’t, even if I myself am white.
Will my advice be perfect? No. The best dating advice a black man could get would be from another black man who is already very successful with the type of women he likes. I will try to be the next best thing, based on my experience of working, communicating and observing black guys in the dating arena, but I fully admit my advice won’t be as good.
If you are black and have successfully had sex with many women (both inside and outside of your race), please do comment below and offer advice to your brothers.
Advice for Black Guys Going After Black Women
Not much I can say here. Much like Hispanic women, black women tend to be higher-drama than women of other races, but this is somewhat equated by the fact that black men also tend to be higher-drama themselves. If you’re a black guy seeking black women, I don’t think you need any customized help beyond the standard dating advice I have already given in my blogs and books.
You’ll simply have to remember something which you probably already know; that black women are (likely, but not always) going to throw more jealousy and drama at you than the typical white or Asian girl.
Advice for Black Guys Going After White Women
This is where things get a little complicated. I’ll take this step by step.
1. Understand in advance that your success rates are going to be lower with women of other races no matter what you do.
It doesn’t matter if you’re talking about online game or daygame or whatever. If you’re black and the women you’re working on are white, you are going to get a lower hit rate / response rate than a white man of the equivalent attractiveness. This is even if you do everything right. That's is just the way it is and there’s nothing you or I can do about it. It's biological; human beings tend to be more attracted to other human beings of the equivalent race.
This is why, with online dating, I always tell non-white guys to target the women of their race first, clean the dating site/app of those women first, then move to the women of other races. Your response rate will be much higher with women of your own race if you’re non-white. Again, it’s just the way it is.
That doesn’t mean you can’t get laid. I know plenty of black guys who are fantastic players and have sex with hot white girls all the time. It just means you can’t expect the exact same response rates as a white guy. Accept this and don’t get pissed off about it.
2. Calm the fuck down.
Black guys’ biggest problem is that they usually have extreme, overconfident, overly aggressive Alpha Male 1.0 personalities. That’s fine for most black women. It is not fine for most white women. All you’ll do with your overly aggressive hyper-confidence is turn off, or even scare away white girls.
If you’re wanting to date white girls, you need to take your energy level down about three or four notches. Think classy and cool, not badass or gansta. Don’t be quite as aggressive. Talk a little more softly. Be a little more polite. Avoid ebonics and talk like what a white girl would be accustomed to hearing. Just calm down, you bastard. Seriously, I see a lot good-looking black guys who could score with white women if they just calmed down a little (or a lot!).
3. Snap up the fashion.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll probably say it again. In my personal, anecdotal experience, the only men who have out-gamed me, and got girls I wanted to get but couldn’t (and yes, I'm talking about hot white girls here), were black guys who were calm and well dressed.
The typical city-black guy with baggy jeans, a shitty T shirt, and a jacket with some huge logo on it is no threat to my game. But a black guy with a shaved head, dressed in slacks and a nice button down, who’s calm and collected, is like an H-bomb of player godhood. That guy will out-game me, with white girls, almost every time. I have no chance. These guys are white-girl pussy magnets.
The sad reality for us white guys is that black guys are cooler. They are. Let’s be real about this. Black guys, when they snap it up a little are far more cool than the typical white dude. If you’re a black guy, use this to your advantage. Don’t waste it by being the typical black guy stereotype.
So if you want white girls, snap up your fashion. Start dressing nicer. Use this article and this one to get started.
4. Realize that white girls DO like black guys...but here’s a catch.
Black guys often think that “white women don’t like black guys.” Wrong. Oh, so wrong.
It’s true that there are a lot of white women that would never date or hook up with black guy. It’s also true that a huge percentage of white women have secret black guy fantasies that they never talk about to anyone because of racial or right-wing Societal Programming.
I have seen many white women go crazy when black celebrities like Shemar Moore, Taye Diggs, Morris Chestnut, or Michael B. Jordan walk onto the screen. These white women are not the unusual exceptions; they’re very common.
If you’re the typical black guy, you’ll never get these girls because you’ll scare them off and then you’ll incorrectly assume that white girls don’t like black guys. But, if you snap up your look and your fashion, calm down a little and talk more like a white person, you will be able to convince many of these women to act out the fantasy (or at least strong curiosity) they’ve always been thinking about.
There's also a generational issue. With every new generation, more women are more open to dating outside of their race. Gen Y white women are far more likely to be cool with dating black guys than white women of my generation (Gen X) and way more likely than my parents' generation (Baby Boomers). My grandparents' generation (WWII Generation) wasn't even allowed to do that. So with every new generation this interracial stuff gets easier (to right-winger's horror).
Advice for Black Guys Going After Asian Women
The stereotype is true: black guys love Asian women. Holy crap. Whenever I’ve dated an Asian girl, black guys will come out of the woodwork to hit on her in quantities that never happen if I’m dating a sexy blonde white woman, even if she looks like Coco T.
The advice for black guys going after Asian women is the exact same as the above stuff for the white women, with one exception. If the Asian girl is first generation Western, as in she was born and raised in her Asian country, then you need to even more nice and more calm than with a white girl. Again, over aggressiveness will scare Asian women, even if some are secretly attracted to it. (If an Asian girl was born and raised here in the West, just treat her like a white girl, which is essentially what she is.)
You also need to understand that a long-term relationship with a first generation Asian girl is probably not on the cards for you. Very few Westerners understand this, but Asians are the most racist people on Earth. (Western white guilt has successfully used Societal Programming to convince whites that whites are the most racist race; not true by a long shot.) Her Asian dad has a samurai sword with your name on it if he finds out his little jade princess is having sex with a black guy. She knows all this, so she will likely keep you a secret from her family. Yes, there are exceptions to this and this is not always true, but it is the norm.
Ah, racism. It’s one of the most potent forms of false Societal Programming. I predict we shall see some in the comments below. (Let’s see if I’m right!)
That’s it for black guys. Coming up, advice for Indian guys, Hispanic guys and Asian guys, so subscribe to this blog in the upper-right corner above if you’re in any of those categories.
Want over 35 hours of how-to podcasts on how to improve your woman life and financial life? Want to be able to coach with me twice a month? Want access to hours of technique-based video and audio? The SMIC Program is a monthly podcast and coaching program where you get access to massive amounts of exclusive, members-only Alpha 2.0 content as soon as you sign up, and you can cancel whenever you want. Click here for the details.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll probably say it again. In my personal, anecdotal experience, the only men who have out-gamed me, and got girls I wanted to get but couldn’t (and yes, I'm talking about hot white girls here), were black guys who were calm and well dressed.
The typical city-black guy with baggy jeans, a shitty T shirt, and a jacket with some huge logo on it is no threat to my game. But a black guy with a shaved head, dressed in slacks and a nice button down, who’s calm and collected, is like an H-bomb of player godhood. That guy will out-game me, with white girls, almost every time. I have no chance. These guys are white-girl pussy magnets.
The sad reality for us white guys is that black guys are cooler. They are. Let’s be real about this. Black guys, when they snap it up a little are far more cool than the typical white dude. If you’re a black guy, use this to your advantage. Don’t waste it by being the typical black guy stereotype.
So if you want white girls, snap up your fashion. Start dressing nicer. Use this article and this one to get started.
4. Realize that white girls DO like black guys...but here’s a catch.
Black guys often think that “white women don’t like black guys.” Wrong. Oh, so wrong.
It’s true that there are a lot of white women that would never date or hook up with black guy. It’s also true that a huge percentage of white women have secret black guy fantasies that they never talk about to anyone because of racial or right-wing Societal Programming.
I have seen many white women go crazy when black celebrities like Shemar Moore, Taye Diggs, Morris Chestnut, or Michael B. Jordan walk onto the screen. These white women are not the unusual exceptions; they’re very common.
If you’re the typical black guy, you’ll never get these girls because you’ll scare them off and then you’ll incorrectly assume that white girls don’t like black guys. But, if you snap up your look and your fashion, calm down a little and talk more like a white person, you will be able to convince many of these women to act out the fantasy (or at least strong curiosity) they’ve always been thinking about.
There's also a generational issue. With every new generation, more women are more open to dating outside of their race. Gen Y white women are far more likely to be cool with dating black guys than white women of my generation (Gen X) and way more likely than my parents' generation (Baby Boomers). My grandparents' generation (WWII Generation) wasn't even allowed to do that. So with every new generation this interracial stuff gets easier (to right-winger's horror).
Advice for Black Guys Going After Asian Women
The stereotype is true: black guys love Asian women. Holy crap. Whenever I’ve dated an Asian girl, black guys will come out of the woodwork to hit on her in quantities that never happen if I’m dating a sexy blonde white woman, even if she looks like Coco T.
The advice for black guys going after Asian women is the exact same as the above stuff for the white women, with one exception. If the Asian girl is first generation Western, as in she was born and raised in her Asian country, then you need to even more nice and more calm than with a white girl. Again, over aggressiveness will scare Asian women, even if some are secretly attracted to it. (If an Asian girl was born and raised here in the West, just treat her like a white girl, which is essentially what she is.)
You also need to understand that a long-term relationship with a first generation Asian girl is probably not on the cards for you. Very few Westerners understand this, but Asians are the most racist people on Earth. (Western white guilt has successfully used Societal Programming to convince whites that whites are the most racist race; not true by a long shot.) Her Asian dad has a samurai sword with your name on it if he finds out his little jade princess is having sex with a black guy. She knows all this, so she will likely keep you a secret from her family. Yes, there are exceptions to this and this is not always true, but it is the norm.
Ah, racism. It’s one of the most potent forms of false Societal Programming. I predict we shall see some in the comments below. (Let’s see if I’m right!)
That’s it for black guys. Coming up, advice for Indian guys, Hispanic guys and Asian guys, so subscribe to this blog in the upper-right corner above if you’re in any of those categories.
Want over 35 hours of how-to podcasts on how to improve your woman life and financial life? Want to be able to coach with me twice a month? Want access to hours of technique-based video and audio? The SMIC Program is a monthly podcast and coaching program where you get access to massive amounts of exclusive, members-only Alpha 2.0 content as soon as you sign up, and you can cancel whenever you want. Click here for the details.