Get Free Email Updates!
Join us for FREE to get instant email updates!
Is It Better to Be a Beta?
I’ve been purposely saving this article to make sure it was the first thing I published for the New Year. Hopefully, if you get what I’m trying to say today, it will help guide you to success for the rest of this year, and for Go Time specifically. The consensus on a blog like this is that, overall, it is better to be an Alpha Male than to be a beta male. This is even inclusive of the downsides that come along with being an Alpha.
-By Caleb Jones
Opinions vs. Facts
One of the biggest problems with discourse today is that most people don't understand the difference between facts and opinions. Often one “disagrees” with stated facts because they sound like opinions, when they’re actually verifiable facts. You can’t disagree with a fact. You can dislike a fact. A fact may make you very angry. But you can’t disagree with it.
If I state an opinion (“that car sucks”), you can disagree. There is no objective right or wrong answer. However, if I state a fact (“that car has four wheels”), you can't disagree with me. Well, I suppose you could, but if you’re seriously pointing at a car with four wheels and saying it has 17 instead, you would be behaving very stupidly or irrationally. At that point, in my view, the conversation is over, since clearly I’m talking to either a retard or a madman.
If you hated the fact that the car had four wheels, you could act as if you “disagreed” with me by getting upset with me, insulting me, saying I'm wrong but not backing up your statement with anything, attempting to change the subject, or playing games by trying to redefine the argument (“Well, what exactly do you mean by ‘wheels’ BD?”). This kind of thing happens all the time with people who try to debate me on the internet (and in real life too). Regardless, you don't actually disagree with me. You're just upset at hearing the fact I'm stating. There's a difference.
For example, if I say long-term monogamy doesn't work, I'm not stating an opinion even if it sounds like I am. I'm stating a fact. If you get long-term monogamous right now, the odds are off the chart that you'll eventually either cheat, get cheated on, and/or break up/get divorced, barring the extremely rare exception to the rule. The facts, statistics, history, and science all clearly show this. You can dislike that, and that’s fine, but you can't disagree with it, because you can't disagree with facts.
However, if I say short-term monogamy (serial monogamy) sucks, now I'm stating an opinion. You can disagree with that all you want, and bring up many points that defend your position that you think short-term, serial monogamy is a good thing for you. I can respond by stating the reasons why short-term monogamy is a bad thing for me, and perhaps people like me. I might sway you to my opinion, or I might not. In the end, you and I may just agree to disagree, and that's perfectly fine. We're talking about opinions, so there is no right or wrong.
Happy vs. Unhappy
Next, we need to define what “better” means when we say Alpha is better than beta. Once again, “better” is an opinion. My definition of “better” might be different than yours, or slightly different, or pretty much the same.To me, it's very straightforward. Better means happier. In my opinion, your primary goal in life is to be as happy as possible, as often as possible. My book and most of my content is about how men can live a life of long-term, consistent happiness (at least as much as possible). If you’re happy, and happy a lot, you win. If you’re unhappy (or bored, or just “eh, okay”), or like this on a semi-regular basis, you lose.
This is, of course, my opinion. If you’re a more right-wing, Alpha 1.0, manosphere type of guy, you probably think “better” means more in charge, or has more children, or has bigger muscles, or has a more loyal wife or girlfriend, or how religious one is, or something like that, regardless of how happy you are all the time.
If you’re a more left-wing, touchy-feely type, you might think “better” means who gets laid more, or who experiences love or feminine energy more, or who gets more respect from his peers on a PUA forum, or something like that, again, regardless of how happy you are all the time.Regardless, for better or for worse, this is my blog, written by me, and thus today I’m going to use my measuring stick of what “better” means. It would be this:
1. How happy a man generally is.
2. How rarely he experiences any type of unhappiness or boredom/“eh, okay” feelings, regardless of the reason.
Using this definition of “better” is being an Alpha better than being a beta?
A beta will experience less happiness, or at least more unhappiness/boredom in a given span of time than an Alpha will. This is not my opinion, this is a fact.
This is also true when comparing an Alpha Male 1.0 to an Alpha Male 2.0. The Alpha 2.0, living an Alpha 2.0 life, is going to be happier more often than the Alpha 1.0 living an Alpha 1.0 life. Moreover, the Alpha 1.0 will be happier than a beta living the typical beta life. Again, this is not my opinion; this is fact. Even men very committed to the Alpha Male 1.0 lifestyle who hate my material won’t try to argue that the Alpha 1.0 is happier more often than the Alpha 2.0.
However... it’s not that simple. There’s one more wrinkle to this.
Self Awareness and Acceptance
Let’s compare two men, Beta 1 and Beta 2.
Beta 1 lives the typical beta male life and hates it. He makes a low or low-average income. He is married and monogamous to an overweight, Dominant, nonsexual wife who bosses him around endlessly. He has a decent amount of drama, but not mountains of it, since most of the time he just keeps his mouth shut and obeys quietly, preferring that rather than getting screamed at. He’s a nice guy who often fantasizes about living an exciting life like James Bond, but never has the courage or the balls to make any changes, because he knows his wife, or mom, or boss, or friends will yell at him. So he just shuts up, goes to work, takes the abuse life throws at him, bitches on the internet, tries to look forward to isolated moments of happiness which are rare, and puts up with life until he dies.
Beta 2 is a little different. He’s a beta, and so lives that same life. Like Beta 1, Beta 2 makes a low-average income, is monogamously married to a Dominant wife, and spends his life getting bossed around by her, his boss, his family, and various other external factors.
“Yeah, that sounds great, but man, I would never do that. I wouldn’t like it. I’m honestly kind of a wimp. I need someone to tell me what to do. I would hate to be single, or nonmonogamous, or do something like start my own business. I prefer to be with a strong woman at all times, who takes care of me. Yeah, yeah, I know that makes me sound like a pussy, but hey, I kind of am. I agree it kind of sucks to not live a life like yours, and yeah, I complain about my life sometimes, but you know something? This is what I want.”
I’ve actually had a few beta males tell me things like this. Are they as happy as me? No. Will they ever be as happy as me? No, and they admit that. They’re not defensive and they’re acknowledging the facts. They are self aware enough to know who they are, who they are not, and most importantly, they are consciously choosing the limited life they live.
This is very different from Beta 1, who is not living consciously at all and is not self aware in the least. He just thinks life sucks and there’s nothing he can do about it. If anyone points out other options, he thinks they’re lying, or are at least doing something bad. He doesn’t know who he is and he’s confusing opinions with facts (which is a convenient way to escape self responsibility; left-wingers do this all the time). It’s exactly the same with Alpha Male 1.0s. There are Alpha 1.0s who are not self aware at all, and live in a simplistic, constantly irritating, black and white, me-strong-you-weak world. These men are certainly happier than betas, even self aware betas, but drama, conflict, anger, and bullshit are common, regular occurrences in their lives.
Then there are self-aware Alpha 1.0s who are a little different. I’ve had many Alpha 1.0s admit to me (almost always in private) that they will never be as happy as me and will have regular drama, conflict, and anger for the rest of their lives, but that they don’t really care. Happiness is not their primary goal. Controlling other people, saving society, imposing their will externally, and things like this are more important to them than their own personal happiness, and they admit this. They have sort of a martyr thing going on. So they choose, consciously, to live an Alpha 1.0 life, despite its downsides. Some of the men who have admitted this to me are names you would know if I said them publicly (which I will not).
In the case of both the self aware beta and the self aware Alpha 1.0, “better” might not matter. They may admit the facts of better vs. worse, but they may argue that the traits that make some other lifestyle better don’t matter to them. I, of course, think the Alpha 2.0 lifestyle is the greatest, or at least the “least bad” lifestyle that a modern day man can possibly live. I believe this very strongly and have mountains of facts behind me to back this up. I’m going to continue to endorse and push this lifestyle, in some form or fashion, until the day I die. I think all betas and Alpha 1.0s would indeed be happier if they lived a more Alpha 2.0 life.
However, as I’ve explained in detail before, only a small percentage of men informed of these concepts will ever choose to do this. There will be the betas and Alpha 1.0s who are not self aware, and will continue to be stupid, defensive, and irrational when presented with new ideas, as well as some of the self aware betas and Alpha 1.0s who will consciously choose to remain who and what they are, for their own reasons, regardless of better or happier.
That only leaves the small percentage of men who seek something better; betas who are tired of being slaves, and Alpha 1.0s who are tired of the work and drama. Those are my guys, and they are why I’m here.
Want over 35 hours of how-to podcasts on how to improve your woman life and financial life? Want to be able to coach with me twice a month? Want access to hours of technique-based video and audio? The SMIC Program is a monthly podcast and coaching program where you get access to massive amounts of exclusive, members-only Alpha 2.0 content as soon as you sign up, and you can cancel whenever you want. Click here for the details.
Get Free Email Updates!
Join us for FREE to get instant email updates!
Kevin 2017-01-02 05:17:48
Men are measured up by the size of their wallet. so when eventually the girl dump you, you get hit big time if you are not aware of the "red-pill" scenarios.
Emmanuel 2017-01-02 05:25:39
Hey BD, You're awesome and I want to be you. Just wanted to point out what I think are mistakes: 1) You say "A beta will experience less happiness, or at least more happiness/boredom in a given span of time than an Alpha will." The second "happiness" in this sentence should be "unhappiness". 2) You say, "However, as I’ve explained in detail before, only a small percentage of men informed of these concepts will ever choose to do this." And then you go on to describe the people who will in fact NOT do this: "These will be the betas and Alpha 1.0s who are not self aware, and will continue to be stupid, defensive, and irrational when presented with new ideas, as well as some of the self aware betas and Alpha 1.0s who will consciously choose to remain who and what they are, for their own reasons, regardless of better or happier." Thanks for another sick post BD! Your fan, Emmanuel
Alex Clewlow 2017-01-02 05:48:40
Hi BD, I agree with everything you just said apart from one thing to do with Alpha 1.0's, as I know a few myself: I think happiness is the goal with everyone on the planet, including self-aware Alpha 1.0's. I think they want the positive emotions associated with controlling others, but are yet to experience consistent positive emotions and would benefit from actually trying the Alpha 2.0 lifestyle. They are just going off what has made them temporarily happy in the past. The Psychology studies seem to point towards different people having different locus' of control, therefore valuing freedom to differing extents, but these locus' can change over time depending upon various external factors. Do you think that if Alpha 1.0's actually tried the Alpha 2.0 lifestyle, they would prefer it and then cease to desire to control others? I think most are just too scared to try it and don't have a strong purpose. Interesting post though! Alex
Anthony 2017-01-02 06:18:17
How does the Alpha 2.0 lifestyle mesh with military life? (Basic training in 48 hours)
Eugene 2017-01-02 06:43:40
Maybe a bit off topic but you made me think of a "happiness barometer" I got one time from a guy I admire (credit to Jay Cataldo here) that he gave based on his years of research and working with clients. His general barometer for how happy a person was was whether they met 4 criteria consistently. Note - one thing he did mention was that the general consensus on "happy" people around the world is a bit different from your view on it (which is fine). He says that "happy" people aren't going around feeling awesome emotions, all the time. But rather they are a little above neutral most of the time (or even neutral), and then if they do experience some negative emotions it's generally temporary. So basically said you know you're happy when : 1. You consistently think more positive then negative thoughts 2. You feel good of neutral for most of your day 3. You're easily able to find things to enjoy doing 4. You're more resilient to environmental stressors, aka you bounce back quickly from any temporary setbacks or negativity.
Just Curious 2017-01-02 06:55:22
Do you really think an Alpha 1.0 could be happy being an Alpha 2.0? Is it not part of the 2.0 to be outcome independent which the 1.0 would find difficult because of their need to control? Would the lack of drama not be a bit of a disappointment for them therefore lessening their happiness? I can see where the 2.0 could be a better/happier person in general but I can also see where it could actually make certain people unhappy or at least less happy.
Alex Clewlow 2017-01-02 07:14:35
@Just Curious Yes I do: Basically, I disagree with the implication that controlling, Alpha 1.0 tendencies are purely personality based. I think a lot of it is down to having a lack of clear purpose & exciting life goals. They don't feel in control of their own lives so they seek to control others. If these guys are truly self aware Alpha 1.0's, then that means they genuinely seek negative emotions. It doesn't make any sense. The only case in which this could make sense is due to boredom. It's the same with women. If people are bored then they must not have any exciting goals in their lives, which then causes them to seek drama etc. There will be a personality component to this as well, but if controlling people found a solid purpose for themselves (and one that doesn't involve other people), I believe we would have a lot less conflict in society in general.
Anon. 2017-01-02 07:42:21
I, for one, learned to let go of my controlling instincts when we started a small IT team of four. In the beginning, I felt compelled to check on everything, and often I had the urge to do something myself rather than delegate. It took some effort, and in a couple of months I learned to trust my teammates. Then I suppressed my "someone's wrong on the Internet" instincts and inside myself, I granted everyone permission to be as stupid as they wish. I gladly give advice still, but only 1) if they ask for it (or at least seem receptive) and 2) for as long as they actually heed it. To me, being beta equates to helplessness and ignorance. The school system is a great example. I hate helplessness and ignorance, and I'm very happy to have gained independence through earning good money (thank you grandfather for getting me interested in math and programming) and figuring out how life works (thank you Internet, and BD's resources in particular). I could see myself choosing the serial monogamy option (though currently I see no benefit to that), but I could never put myself in a position of helplessness and ignorance again. For one man's victory over ignorance, look up Pulitzer Prize-winning The Ballad of Old Man Peters by Jon Franklin.
Tony 2017-01-02 07:47:53
Blackdragon, I am that Beta who is becoming more self-aware, at the same time ,I am seeking a better way to live, I am tired of living below my potential of living a better life, when not only do i believe i could be doing so much better, I deserve to be. Life has really kicked me in the ass. But with this New year , I aim to take a different direction in life, otherwise life will remain the same. Same old boring routine, a lack in finances and little to no sex life at all.
Just Curious 2017-01-02 08:04:27
@Alex Clewlow Ah, personality. Such an individual thing this is. *clear purpose, life goals* are these not a reflection of a person's personality? Each with their own idea of what is ideal for them as an individual. There are many people who use negative emotions to judge/compare positive emotions. So yes, they will deliberately create negative situations so that they can feel something positive later. Think make-up sex. I do believe that the desire to control is a personality trait that is inherent in many individuals. And that it would take phenomenal self will to overcome it. I also believe that not everyone has the ability to find a *solid purpose* for themselves. Some people are born to be followers, some are trained by society and very few of these people will be able to find the strength to overcome that. Boredom is also controlled by personality. What you find boring may well be something I find exciting. Not everyone goes looking for a fight when they are bored, some just take a nap. I personally know Alpha 1.0's who are in control of their lives (or appear so) and so they think they should control others that do not display control or they compete with other controllers. Probably a source of endorphins.
Maree 2017-01-02 08:11:42
Dear BD, Happy New Year. Since I discovered your blog earlier this year I have read it consistently. Thank you for the work you do, being there for the guys who want to change and through your example of living the happiest possible life, showing others they can do it too. I know that you state your aim is not to have an effect on the world because it is too far gone and cannot be changed but I personally think that the more happy people there are, the better place the world is to live in. I know you are there for the guys, and so I hope it won't be offensive to you or other guys reading these comments to know that I am a woman and your blog has helped me a lot as well. I like to be consistently happy too and reading posts like the one you have just written has hugely expanded my understanding of people and relationships. In 2016, this better understanding was the key factor in me reducing drama everywhere in my life, and unsurprisingly I am much much happier as a result. I know that helping women and changing the world are not at all your intention, but, regardless I think you do both of these things, and so, thank you for this also. Maree.
Alex Clewlow 2017-01-02 08:33:58
@Just Curious Fair enough that's a great reply that makes sense. In terms of purpose & boredom, I meant they need to find something that stimulates them personally and prevents them from being bored too often and then causes them to seek drama too often, of course this purpose will be subjective. I do believe many (not all, as you've said) Alpha 1.0's would benefit from less boredom. I know too many Alpha 1.0's personally, who just do nothing with their lives, and their traits are exacerbated after retirement. One for example is only happy when travelling for 1 month each year. The other 11 months he is an unhappy control freak. If he could find another source of happiness similar to travelling, do you not think he would be less controlling in general for the other 11 months? A source of happiness that keeps his mind away from other people for the majority of the year? If people like this were really focused on setting up a new business for example, I imagine that even if they did have controlling tendencies that are unavoidable, they would be far more subtle. But you are right in the sense that not everyone will be capable of finding a purpose as many are born to be sheep, which I find quite sad, but I guess that's how the world works. And you are right with contrasting emotions and the make-up sex example too!
Gil Galad 2017-01-02 08:47:23
I think that an Alpha 1.0 could come to enjoy the 2.0 lifestyle by being "trapped" through some kind of wager: he loses a bet to a 2.0, and the stake is that he now has to go by the 2.0 rules for, say, 1 year. First he hates them and only does it to respect his lost bet, but by the time the year is over, he realizes that he could continue doing that after all, even past the expiration date. This might be achieved by regularly challenging Alpha 1.0s on issues where 1° you're pretty sure you'll win, 2° you know they won't resist the challenge. "You will cheat on your girl within 2 years. If I'm wrong, I'll be monogamous (eww) for 1 year. If I'm right, you have to be nonmonogamous and uncontrolling for 1 year." Although, personally I'd rather make a more selfish wager by just betting money against the 1.0.
Just Curious 2017-01-02 09:09:03
@Gil Galad Alpha 1.0's have a tendency to be cheaters. So I can see him learning to be a better cheater. Letting you think he is being 2.0 and his woman that he is monogamous. I once challenged an overweight friend. Told him to set a reasonable amount of weight to lose per month and if he did not reach that goal that he should not have any partnered sex for the next month. He refused the challenge. That challenge did not require any change in his personality just his habits. So I'm not sure a challenge would work when it would require a change in his thinking.
Gil Galad 2017-01-02 09:55:04
@Just Curious: I agree that this kind of challenge is very vulnerable to the loser flat-out lying about what he did/didn't do. But ultimately it'll still work every now and then; your can arrange your side of the bet so that losing actually doesn't hurt you at all (even if the 1.0 imagines it does. "I will play no video games for a year" would be hilariously easy for me, LOL), or even make a unilateral bet where only he pays if he loses (many people are so defensive about their lifestyle that they *would* say yes to that). If I remember correctly BD has made some long term money bets with guys/couples. On the other hand, if a guy has been overweight for a long time then the behaviors/habits that are causing this are definitely part of his personality. Personally I freakin' love eating; I would go crazy on something like the soylent bullshit. You could try telling your friend to just clean up his diet instead of decreasing his intake, that might be easier for him: it's shocking how hard it is to eat too much clean food (I did this last year, with junk food only twice per month: I went from nearly 4000 cal/day to having difficulty hitting 2800; my abs are definitely more visible now.)
CT 2017-01-02 10:30:34
I just want to say that your blog post pictures are the best. I don't know where you get them but they're always relevant and sometimes funny as hell. Keep up the good work. I look forward to more great things in 2017.
Tug Speedman 2017-01-02 10:49:18
How does the Alpha 2.0 lifestyle mesh with military life? (Basic training in 48 hours) Well, you can't have your own business and choose to work less than 40 hours a week. Also, you can't have an open marriage because adultery is against the law in the military, you will get court martialed if they catch you. I was in the military for 8 years. I ran into 1 guy that knew game the whole time I was there. 90% of the guys with girlfriends will have some of the worst oneitis you'll ever see, and when you go to bootcamp, I'm willing to bet that 50% of the guys you're with who have girlfriends at the time of bootcamp will propose to them either during a visitation day, or right after boot camp is done. I had never met so many 20-22 year old men who had a wife and 2 kids already. They were all miserable. The ones that are single.....have some of the worst standards I've ever seen (no offense army or marines, but you guys were the worst). They'd literally go home with the first thing that showed them interest. With so many betas (more than you'd think for it being the military) and lots of loud and proud alphas, it's really hard to live a 2.0 life, especially since there are so many rules in the military, and an alpha 2.0 has so few rules. I'll give you some advice... Never under any circumstance date someone else who is in the military, especially in your own shop Find as many friends as possible outside of work. I lived in Turkey for 3 years, all my friends were Turkish or Europeans who played pro basketball in the city, I had a lot more fun my time there than the other people stationed there. Had my own friends no matter where I was stationed, my social life was great because of it, I didn't hang at military bars, I wasn't around extreme alphas who had to fight if someone looked at them sideways, I was around people with similar interests. Ditch the high and tight the moment you're allowed to. Go back to your old hair style or as close as you can come while still being in regulations. Try to hold on to as much of your old identity and personality as you possibly can Last advice....look for special assignments...lots of times the jobs are cool and you can go to a very cool country and travel. I ran a post office for the US Embassy in Turkey for 3 years, some of the best years in my life. Good luck
Dwight Brown 2017-01-02 11:32:49
Guys this Alpha 2.0 reality and lifestyle takes time... I can imagine it would be tough to jump from total beta with 'salaryitis' to making your own money, not building your life around a woman. The older you are the harder it gets I am assuming. We all have our story, I actually was a BETA in my marriage, an ALPHA 1.0 in my affair/relationship that followed. Yes... I jumped the marriage ship as I had total outcome independence and freedom everywhere in my life except when I stepped through the matrimonial doors. After the disaster of the narcissist girlfriend and $250K later, ran wild for a few years. Realized I cannot do the strict vanilla monogamy thing... but then met someone who is a good woman... but a 'bad girl'. We enjoy BD Blog, we talk alot about the state of love and trust, I have pushed her in some directions (I am Alpha 2.0 Dominant and kinky, she's an Independent female, but was hungry and looking) and we have our quirks I won't get into here. My life isn't build around hers, and hers isn't around mine. Old me would be building a house in my mind for us and how to get to the 'married state'. I AGREE with BD BLog 99% of it... based on my history and my experiences with women and relationships and all the bullshit I see people struggle through. Outcome Independence and 'filthy monogamy' - that works for us. Hardest thing for most guys is dealing with their females misbehaving. Just set a boundary both can agree to and remember, she may be special, but here are 4.5 billion of them on this planet. Strive for Alpha 2.0... join the club!
Anubis 2017-01-02 13:24:34
BD, Another great post. On more than one occasion I've verbally discussed how some men are just wired to be Beta2's and that's their natural state (much like how you observed that some women are naturally submissive or dominant), but I've rarely seen that acknowledged. There's is not much one can do for a Beta2 - for most, their built-in firmware has them preferring that state (which is not the same liking it). That not to say we should treat them badly or deride them though. I know people like that, and I'm even currently employing a couple of them. They're comfortable with me calling the shots (and taking the risks). Leaders need minions 🙂 @Dwight Brown - I'm trying to join the clup - it's like weight loss - real progress from the structural changes of everyday life, not short term sprints and 'diets'. I feel like I'm something of an Alpha '1.5' these days with a little bit of the Beta1 I was in my first marriage still remaining to be eradicated. Like you I'm Dominant & kinky (and my (ex-w was a bi-polar NPD poly-switch.. recipe for disaster), and though I've chosen to remarry, it's a long-built D/s relationship that removes much of the ambiguity, explicitly keeps my freedoms, and lets me focus on my mission. And the mission is going well... I'm about to write a $97K Quarterly estimated Tax Payment the IRS, which is a nice validation that I'm on the right track to building something great (for me).
Dwight Brown 2017-01-02 14:25:40
Awesome Anubis! I recommend reading the books BD talks about... I almost fell out of my chair when he talk about Robert Ringer! I'm 48 and read about him back in my early 20's... It is so much about mindset. BD has figured it out, it cost me a fortune through one failed marriage and one disastrous relationship to NOT go down societal programming lane. #BlackBart #ToHellWithDisneyFairyTales
Erik Williams 2017-01-02 16:00:32
Thanks for being here for us Caleb.
hilsey 2017-01-02 16:47:46
Inspiring post as always, BD--great comment, Dwight Brown! I hope to find similar relationship(s). I'm happy to have found this blog before ever getting into any serious relationship. I had chances to be a girlfriend--its so easy to begin a mono relationship--but it just never looked desirable watching my peers and family so being "the girlfriend" was not something I wanted to be. Never fully understood my aversion but reading this blog I now understand (from the male's perspective)--a lot of pain and effort for little return! Happy New Year, men!
JudoJohn 2017-01-02 17:20:52
I have embarrassingly deep Beta tendencies, and am pretty far from an Alpha 1.0. Alpha 2.0 is within my grasp, but I'm learning it is not going to be a smooth or non-linear process. I was very happy from when my unicorn left last summer to about 1.5 months ago, when I started seeing someone, instead of just doing exactly what I felt like doing when I felt like doing it, which was my pattern for months. I tried The Talk, but it's not going to work, and I need to cut her loose. Here's my point (and it's not there's this one girl...): Over the conversation with her, I was able to draw some solid conclusions about what I did right and where I was lacking. It's not her. It's never her. It's up to me to handle my life. It's my frame. This is why I am still pursuing the Alpha 2.0 lifestyle. The freedom of crafting one's own life is huge. The Beta is insidious, to be sure. The most dangerous thing a woman can say to me is that I'm not giving enough, blah blah blah. Very dangerous to a recovering Beta. For me, it's the most dangerous a woman can say/do. I doubt it's all that different for others, but I walk in my shoes and no other man's. But if I want to spend 4 hours watching a Frontline chronology on Jesus to Christ, that's my fucking call, so don't tell me how you'd rather do this or that with me, because I have a limited amount of time and intend on using it to make myself happy. Edit: GO TIME!
Anthony 2017-01-02 17:51:21
@Tug Speedman, Thank you very much for your reply. I lived in South Korea for 5 years (ESL teacher & grad student) and if the army sends me back there, I already have my Korean drinking buddies and ladies on speed dial. I also have some friends in Japan. I am not going into the military with a girlfriend or wife because after a 3.5 year "relationshit" with a Korean woman, I'm just not interested in being tied down by a woman or kids. Every single dollar I make is for me and only me. Your advice has been heeded.
Brad 2017-01-02 19:40:30
BD, thanks for the article. In an OLTR, what are the rules regarding gifts from FBs? Given that most guys give gifts/pay for dinners for women as a covert contract to get pussy/ownership, is it ok for an OLTR to accept gifts from FBs? Is that something you address in the OLTR TALK? Also, in your opinion, what is the best way to communicate your standards to your OLTR during THE TALK? E.g. that you will break up with her if she chops of her hair/gets fat for non-medical reasons/etc. I presume the woman would have similar standards for you, and it is very important to be honest upfront to prevent problems in the future, as you say so many times. My issue is that they sound like ultimatums, and generally if a girl gives an ultimatum it's wise to break up immediately. What are your thoughts on this? A post on ultimatums would be nice
Blackdragon 2017-01-02 19:51:16
Just wanted to point out what I think are mistakes:Corrected! Thank you!
I think happiness is the goal with everyone on the planet, including self-aware Alpha 1.0’s.This was another error that I've corrected above. Instead of saying Alpha 1.0s don't have happiness as their goal, I meant to say happiness is not their primary goal. Yes, all people want to be happy, but only some people view happiness as their absolute, number one goal in life. I'm not sure why I made so many errors in this damn article. Gotta lay off that crack I guess.
Do you think that if Alpha 1.0’s actually tried the Alpha 2.0 lifestyle, they would prefer it and then cease to desire to control others?Frankly, no. I think most Alpha 1.0s (and by "most" I mean 51% or more), would not prefer being more happy while being unable to tell other people what to do or steer the outside world, and the Alpha 2.0 lifestyle would make many of these guys uncomfortable, even if they were clearly happier more of the time. These men would eventually slip back into Alpha 1.0 habits. Call it a dysfunction if you want (I have no idea), but that's how it is (I think). I think some, perhaps even many Alpha 1.0s would be far happier with the Alpha 2.0 lifestyle and would love it, but as I've said many times, I think these guys are the exception rather than the rule. Most people want to be what they are, even if what they are makes them unhappy.
I think most are just too scared to try it and don’t have a strong purpose.Yes, I think that's true of many (but not all).
How does the Alpha 2.0 lifestyle mesh with military life?It doesn't. Being in the military is the opposite of Alpha 2.0, since you have near-zero freedom. If your goal is Alpha 2.0, your goal should be get in and get out at a very specific time, and make it part of a long-term plan, so you can get to an Alpha 2.0 lifestyle as fast as you can once you're a civilian again.
1. You consistently think more positive then negative thoughts 2. You feel good of neutral for most of your day 3. You’re easily able to find things to enjoy doing 4. You’re more resilient to environmental stressors, aka you bounce back quickly from any temporary setbacks or negativity.I agree 100% with the above four items if you take "or neutral" out of it. Neutral is not happy.
Do you really think an Alpha 1.0 could be happy being an Alpha 2.0?As above, some yes, some no.
Is it not part of the 2.0 to be outcome independent which the 1.0 would find difficult because of their need to control?Yes, but that doesn't mean that man wouldn't be much happier if he learned to lessen or eliminate such a need. I speak from personal experience. I was never an Alpha 1.0, but when I was a young man I was extremely outcome dependent, and often had a strong need at work to tell everyone what I thought the best thing to do was so that they would agree with me and change what they were doing. Man, that caused all kinds of problems. I knew that if I wanted to be happy, I had to learn to let this shit go. I eventually did, and wow, I am so much happier now that I don't care, and just shrug and accept that most people are fucked.
Would the lack of drama not be a bit of a disappointment for them therefore lessening their happiness?Again, the goal of the Alpha 1.0 becoming 2.0 is to remove or lessen his need for drama, not make excuses for it. Just because you feel you need something doesn't mean you should need it.
I know that you state your aim is not to have an effect on the world because it is too far gone and cannot be changed but I personally think that the more happy people there are, the better place the world is to live in.I certainly won't disagree with that. 🙂
I know you are there for the guys, and so I hope it won’t be offensive to you or other guys reading these comments to know that I am a woman and your blog has helped me a lot as well.A small but surprisingly steady percentage of my readership is made up of women. I don't really understand why, but all readers are welcome as long as the understand my content is aimed towards men. Regardless, I'm glad I could help.
Thanks for being here for us Caleb.You're very welcome. What's with all the love today? It feels weird not having at least a few posters throwing snark or veiled insults at me!
Blackdragon 2017-01-02 19:57:00
In an OLTR, what are the rules regarding gifts from FBs? Given that most guys give gifts/pay for dinners for women as a covert contract to get pussy/ownership, is it ok for an OLTR to accept gifts from FBs?Sure.
Is that something you address in the OLTR TALK?No. Anyone can buy you presents. I'm not buying presents for any of my FBs though.
Also, in your opinion, what is the best way to communicate your standards to your OLTR during THE TALK? E.g. that you will break up with her if she chops of her hair/gets fat for non-medical reasons/etc. I presume the woman would have similar standards for you, and it is very important to be honest upfront to prevent problems in the future, as you say so many times.Just tell her. BUT! You should have the minimum number of standards. The more standards you have for a woman, the higher odds you'll have that she'll eventually break those standards. (I have no standards for Pink Firefly other than the usual drama-related ones. She can do whatever she wants.)
My issue is that they sound like ultimatums, and generally if a girl gives an ultimatum it’s wise to break up immediately. What are your thoughts on this? A post on ultimatums would be niceYeah, soft nexting is way better than giving an ultimatum. And if someone gives you an ultimatum you should just soft next. No more questions or comments on this. Stay on topic now please.
Parade 2017-01-02 21:56:47
One thing I have trouble with in the Alpha 2.0 framework is the mission. I don't have one, and I don't particularly want one (beyond just doing whatever I feel like doing for the day). I suppose I could say my mission is pretty selfish - Maximize my enjoyment. Which suits me just fine. I can't say I'm Alpha 1.0 or beta in that department, though. Is it really required? I get that you have one, and you encourage other people to have one, but I don't see how it relates to being free. Or letting other people be free.
JB 2017-01-03 01:07:10
Happy new years to all! As a guy who was a beta, turned into a 1.0 via. the rest of the usual manosphere crap and started banging lots of women (but going monogamous and cheating in the process), then found BDs blog and turned my life around for happiness and freedom, I can tell you some very certain things: 1) Your personality is not set in stone. It can easily change if you let it. 2) Societal Programming controls most of your thoughts and how you feel about most subjects. You need to fully comprehend that every subject you feel strongly about without any concrete reason to is SP. The reason for many men to be beta / 1.0 is that they have SP about women from religion / Hollywood / their respective societies that dictates 1) purity is good and should be cherished 2) the needs of women must be put about your own. There are TONS of other false beliefs about women, and they are easily identifiable after you've realized what SP really Means. 3) Obsolete biological wiring (Jealousy) is hard to overcome, but not at all impossible. The reason that both betas and 1.0's are jealous (handled differently, as in the beta gets sad and the 1.0 gets mad) is mainly OBW, and though difficult, you can learn to control it. Once you've played around with having MLTRs and FBs for a few years, you learn that this is truly the only real way to live. Having only one woman in your life WILL make you prone to neediness, jealousy, getting oneitis, drama and all sorts of garbage. It might not be PERFECT, but it's as close as it's going to get. Don't let yourself waddle around in SP, OBW and negative mindsets when you can have it all (and it only takes a few years to get there). @JudoJohn As a former beta/1.0, I have some tendencies as well, especieally knowing that I am prone to loneliness (even though I currently have 4 women on steady rotation) and also oneitis. The purpose is KNOWING that you have these weaknesses and to not succumb to them. I know exactly what needy behaviour is and avoid it at all cost. With regards to your freedom, you are absolutely right. Freedom is one of the most important aspects of the 2.0 life. Women are in awe of men who value their freedom high. My EFA is very strong, and all my women know that I value my freedom very highly, and that I am a busy guy. In turn, they respect my time and appreciate it whenever I can fit them in my schedule. Sure, there are women out there who will probably challenge it, but none of my current girls would ever dare to do so. And that's what it's all about: Getting to the point where you are totally free, but have an abundance of everything, and thus you become truly outcome independent.
Rick Axis 2017-01-03 04:48:43
Isn't holding on to their old ways (B2's and A1's) mostly because of ego/identity investment? Externally focused (getting dominated or wanting to dominate) as a form of feeling some kind of control in their lives. Combined with all the false societal messages they've accumulated through the years and what you get is a guy so brainwashed that he's willing to let go of his own freedom and happiness just so he has a false sense of control in his life. Whether that is being controlled (pampered) or controlling everything around him. And letting go of all of that is a scary prospect for many men because they have to build an entirely new identity based on self-reliance and truly being autonomous. Something many say they want, but actually run away from. So the remaining men (5% or more as you say) should feel blessed because we truly are. Reading comments from Tug, JB and others really show this. Happy new year to all.
Alex Clewlow 2017-01-03 05:29:01
Exactly, this is what I was trying to say before. I know that a lot of people can definitely reduce this externally-based need for control (or to be controlled) and possibly eliminate it by changing their lifestyle. It may be extremely hard for older, stubborn, societally brainwashed guys and easier for younger guys but I don't think it's 100% set in stone. I just can't imagine a guy being genuinely hard-wired to be comfortable being dominated by everyone else. Surely this is just hardcore societal programming and learning from parents as a child and therefore reversible? Maybe it really is set in stone for some unlucky guys as BD says, who knows. It's just a guaranteed path to misery for them. I suspect at the heart of the problem, it's either weakness of character or extreme stubbornness that causes them to struggle to overcome hardcore societal programming.
AL 2017-01-03 06:02:12
One mellows as one ages, and of course, learns by mistakes. Becoming outcome independent is easier as you get older. I think the trick here is for the younger men to realise sooner rather than later that adopting Alpha 2.0 ways will get you happier sooner. Thanks BD for another easy to read and digest article. 🙂
Just Curious 2017-01-03 07:22:12
@ Alex Clewlow Some people do not like responsibility. So if all they are doing is following orders then no one can lay blame on them. So I suppose in a way they are outcome independent in that whatever happens happens. They don't really care because it's not their fault. I think that there are those who enjoy being dominated hence the BDSM fetish. Do you think this comes from society or parents? Al is right that as we age we can indeed mellow out but at the same time there are many who become entrenched in their routines and do not want any changes. The world is full of different and that is what makes it so interesting.
POB 2017-01-03 08:18:24
Alpha 2.0s concepts, although 100% valid and coherent from a rational point of view, are extremely hard to pass on general male population. Guys understand what you mean, give you a nod of approval, then go on and do the exact opposite of what you said. Fast forward and they come back and say "So sorry, you were right man". It's frustrating and kinda of sad at the same time. Anyway, one of my closest friends is a player. He refuses the label but that's what he is: a guy who likes to fuck a lot of women and uses seduction techniques to do it. Last year he got a Serious GFᵀᴹ who was Not Like the Restᵀᴹ . Side note: I personally know her because she did some side work for me. She is super cool and nice although extremely drama prone when in a relationship. Of course after a while he was fed up (and cheating) and broke up with her because he "didn't see them together for the next 25 years". Genius. Ok, I thought, now is a good time to make him understand stuff from an Alpha 2.0 point of view. He already had BD's AM book (which BTW took him ages to open and start to read). I was caught by surprise when he showed up talking about concepts of the Alpha 2.0 lifestyle. I was ecstatic!!! He would be my first true conversion! Yet again I was dead wrong. Two weeks ago I asked what he would do for new years eve and he said he was going to the beach with her, because he decided to Give Her Another Chanceᵀᴹ. "Ok, I guess, good luck...see you down the road when you both break up in the middle of massive drama." Just hoping he does not marry her.
Blackdragon 2017-01-03 10:24:07
One thing I have trouble with in the Alpha 2.0 framework is the mission. I don’t have one, and I don’t particularly want one. I can’t say I’m Alpha 1.0 or beta in that department, though. Is it really required?Yes, because of long-term future happiness. If you're a reasonably young guy (under age 35) with few responsibilities (no or little debt, no spouse, no kids, etc) who is young and healthy and decent looking, and makes a decent amount of money, then yes, you can get away with being happy with no Mission right now. The problem is when you get older you're going to be screwed, and you won't be very happy. You'll likely be miserable by the time you're in your 50s. Having a Mission insures happy now and happy later. Happy now can be easy for some guys. Happy later requires a Mission.
Isn’t holding on to their old ways (B2’s and A1’s) mostly because of ego/identity investment?Many times, yes. Letting go of bullshit is sometimes really hard.
Alpha 2.0s concepts, although 100% valid and coherent from a rational point of view, are extremely hard to pass on general male population. Guys understand what you mean, give you a nod of approval, then go on and do the exact opposite of what you said. Fast forward and they come back and say “So sorry, you were right man”. It’s frustrating and kinda of sad at the same time.My very next article on Thursday is about this. And yes, you're right.
JRM 2017-01-03 11:00:41
I have an Alpha 1.0 friend and I talk to him about these concepts and it's obviously clear: he loves telling people what to do and also loves drama. It's quite hilarious and sad - he thinks he'll meet this little princess that does whatever he says and his relationships always implode in the exact same 3 - 4 month fashion. But nonetheless, he wouldn't have it any other way.
Gil Galad 2017-01-03 12:07:45
Guys understand what you mean, give you a nod of approval, then go on and do the exact opposite of what you saidThat's probably a biological thing. We're still animals, and it's only been a short time that we've become *somewhat* able to change our behavior, not because of immediate danger or coercion, but because someone "convinced us with logic". So we're able to recognize logic but the corresponding adjustment in behavior remains lagging. Both the mind and the hierarchy of a species' population have only a finite degree of flexibility: just like you don't change your mind at will even if you were technically "convinced" (when was the last time you immediately said "Yes, you're right and I'm wrong" upon realizing that someone had a point ? Not, you first have to mull over it all when alone, and *maybe* verbalize agreement later), humanity can't turn into 100% Alphas 2.0s even if everyone nodded to the 2.0 principles: there will always be inertia and so there will always be betas and Alpha 1.0, possibly always more than 2.0s too. In just five words, "flexible, but not infinitely so".
Darryl E. 2017-01-03 14:50:54
Kev yes at the very very end all men are measured by how big or little their wallets. Everything else is noise, moving in circles and fluff to women. Airhead vs Non airhead She feels extremely proud of herself for walking her dog. She feels so great about who she is after a 30 minute walk. Her career is having videos of her trying on different types of makeup and reviewing for you the movies she's watched. Talking and texting her family and friends to discuss the day's drama of yelling, relationships, strangers who've attempted to talk 'flirt' with her cause she's the 'prize.' She believes she's the most spectacular person around. She'll be doing just this till she 35 when her beta husband and her have decided that's the time to start having their own kids. She's an alpha of the house who'll be a beta should her hubby stop loving her makeup caked face, fashion shopping, couch sitting self. But she'll get 50% of assets anyways. Versus her female counterpart. Who goes to a job 8-5. And does something at her company contributing to the wellbeing of thousands each day. Is she an alpha or beta at her job, does she intend to become an alpha or beta later in her life?
Harry Flashman 2017-01-03 16:59:35
BD, is an Alpha 1.5 possible? I'm a former classic Beta1 who eventually morphed into a classic Alpha 1.0. I was certainly far happier than as a Beta, but not completely happy as I had a LOT of drama, be it from a long string of attractive women. Still, I was much happier than being a hen-pecked Beta hubby. Over time, I began figuring things out on my own and making changes in the 2.0 direction. In finding your blog, I found a great deal of validation for those changes. However, I will not make the final transition to Alpha 2.0 for one reason, I cannot accept my significant other sleeping with other men. I know that would make me horribly unhappy. Even if I tried and tolerated it for a short time, I'd likely react by resorting to raging 1.0 behavior. I seem to have settled quite nicely into an Alpha 1.5 lifestyle. Is this possible over the long term?
Blackdragon 2017-01-03 17:13:53
BD, is an Alpha 1.5 possible?No. Saying you're Alpha 1.5 is like saying you're half monogamous. You are or your aren't. However, you can cherry-pick aspects of the Alpha 2.0 lifestyle and integrate them into your Alpha 1.0 or beta life. I know lots of guys who have done that. They're beta or Alpha 1.0, but have have done certain things I talk about in my book, just not the big things.
I cannot accept my significant other sleeping with other men. I know that would make me horribly unhappy. Even if I tried and tolerated it for a short time, I’d likely react by resorting to raging 1.0 behavior.And as I said above, in my view, that is a negative you need to work on, not something you need to just surrender to and accept. Women cheat. Women dump you and then fuck someone else. So if them fucking someone else bothers you, you're asking for recurring unhappiness for the rest of your life. And maybe you don't mind unhappiness, but I do.
Pyro Nagus 2017-01-03 17:51:05
Alpha 2.0s concepts, although 100% valid and coherent from a rational point of view, are extremely hard to pass on general male population. Guys understand what you mean, give you a nod of approval, then go on and do the exact opposite of what you said. Fast forward and they come back and say “So sorry, you were right man”. It’s frustrating and kinda of sad at the same time.I call these people askholes. 😉
What’s with all the love today? It feels weird not having at least a few posters throwing snark or veiled insults at me!After effects of the christmas vibe. It will wear off so don't get used to it. That being said, I don't celebrate christmas so FIX THE FUCKING COMMENT'S SYSTEM IN YOUR OTHER BLOG. LET ME GUESS, YOU'RE BUSY? JUST DO IT! Please and thank you. 🙂 @Just Curious and Alex Clewlow Many of the things I wanted to say were added by some of you later on so I'll just say this. The Lizard still makes up the oldest and most powerful parts of our brain. So while we can all objectively agree on the right answer, it's very hard to convince the Lizard to act on it consistently simply because it doesn't logic. It emotions. (I can't wait till the day I become a cyborg, install some sort of computer chip in my brain and become a cold blooded machine...muhahaha. Though I suppose I'd have to put on a bunch of fall-back systems in place for when I get hacked.) So whenever you want to successfully convince someone to change their habits, you have to put a system in place that continues to emotionally reward the participant and make sure they stick to it for a long enough time so they develop the change into a habit. The unhappiness curve provides an interesting perspective on forming habits, consistent effort and discipline. Think of sexual preferences as an example, while I haven't pulled this from any external scientific sources outside my own gluteus maximus, I suspect that while people generally don't change their sexual preferences, somehow consistently forcing them to orgasm to fetishes they dislike (eg: watersports) makes them like it more and more (Pavlovian Principle). Women and younger people are more prone to change. So that leaves out old alpha 1.0s. Although this can work on most typical alphas, as you guys pointed out, some are inherently alpha 1.0. So no matter how rigorous the training, their biological programming will eventually compel them to dive into the drama somewhere down the line so they can 'feel human' again. Just like how most women can't have consistent happiness and are compelled to make drama out of nothing.
betalpha? 2017-01-03 18:11:24
BD, I would like your opinion on a more "gray area" situation. Your examples, though I'm sure you've chosen them to illustrate the maximal difference between Alpha and Beta, are overly simplistic/exaggerated. I am a young (25yo) black guy (although girls say I look Middle Eastern/Indian or Hispanic because of lighter skin/softer hair), about to start a fairly high paying engineering job (80K+), look decent, tall and fit (6'6'' 190 lbs) although I could use some extra muscle, but I've been Beta for a long time and wasn't able to get laid in college because of poor social skills (many girls would be attracted initially but I killed it by being lame). Now that I'm starting to get success with women, would you say that serial monogamy would be a good way to "start up" and improve with women? I'm concerned that the girl I'm currently with is going to push monogamy on me and I'm wondering if I should just enjoy the monogamy while it lasts (or start cheating). I do like being in a relationship and I can fuck anytime I want since we're in NRE, but I haven't been in a relationship before and I don't know where the future is headed. I'm not getting married for at least another decade, so I don't have to worry about older beta problems like living with a heifer or being bossed around (yet). Also thanks to millennial feminism, I don't worry about spending money on hoes since they're all down to split the checks in the name of equality. Other than that, having sex in her apartment all day only costs me round trip subway fees... Basically my question is, as a beta who is just starting with alpha lifestyle, should I start doing serial monogamy first since I'm a "noob" and try polyamory once I get better with girls? Or just start off demanding poly and let my gf break up with me?
JudoJohn 2017-01-03 19:47:44
Danke, JB.....and Blackdragon, you're getting love on this thread because you're helping dudes become happier and successful and it's Go Time. We'll be snarkier on your next post.
Parade 2017-01-03 21:58:23
You’ll likely be miserable by the time you’re in your 50s. Having a Mission insures happy now andhappy later. Happy now can be easy for some guys. Happy later requires a Mission.Interesting. I am indeed younger than 35. Since I have no desire for a Mission at the moment I guess I'll see if I start getting less and less happy with the state of my life as I get older and maybe think about developing a Mission when I feel the lack of purpose. As it is I revel in having no purpose. I can't imagine someone wanting a purpose. (ok, that's a little hyperbolic, I can see where someone would want one, but every time I think about it I go "not for me", just like every time I think about running a business like a website)
JB 2017-01-04 01:57:48
@betaalpha? Serial monogamy would be the easy choice for you, but I can guarantee you that you will get oneitis very fast for your women and tolerate loads of drama and other bullshit, and you will turn into a needy little bitch with every single one of your future monogamous girlfriends. Since I'm guessing that you've already broken all the rules with your current girl (you've been seeing her more than once a week, you've been running a serious boyfriend/provider vibe, you've been way too romantic with her etc.), congratulations, you've fucked up any chance of her accepting a nonmonogamous relationship. If you are too weak to man up, sure, go do serial monogamy (+ cheating). I did it for a while, and it makes you feel like shit. Accept and follow all the core concepts of being a 2.0 (especially with dating, since you've now got a nice carreer path, congratulations by the way), and even though it will be very hard to start up and you will make some mistakes, I can tell you from first hand experience that you will become the happiest you've ever been, and you will stay that way. Don't ever succumb to the easy path of the beta or the Alpha 1.0, that's a losers game.
POB 2017-01-04 07:50:03
Women cheat. Women dump you and then fuck someone else.You forgot "women refuse to have sex with their partners when monogamous for a long time". To me those three are the hardest concepts to pass to my friends. When I say to them "women like sex, you know...they may love you or have strong emotions towards you, but they're biologically wired to refuse sex and/or jump at other guys dicks when they're in a long-term monogamous relationship with you" they just laugh at my face (or go berserk) defending that I just need to find my Special Girlᵀᴹ,settle down and stop with the non-sense LOL.
I call these people askholes.Wish it was that simple man. SP and OBW are strong forces at work, and they work ALL THE TIME, even when we're not aware of it. Guess we'll probably have some good insights from BD's next article.
Duke 2017-01-04 11:01:35
One thing I have trouble with in the Alpha 2.0 framework is the mission. I don’t have one, and I don’t particularly want one (beyond just doing whatever I feel like doing for the day). I suppose I could say my mission is pretty selfish – Maximize my enjoyment. Which suits me just fine.FWIW I'm 37 and think along the same lines as you do (at this point in my life anyway). I think BD is correct in that most men (as they get older) need a mission. This is mostly to counteract the urge to start a family or make a woman a part of their life as part their identity or purpose, which in effect leads to all the usual consequences. However, a small percentage of men will never need a mission or purpose other than enjoying life to the fullest. That said, I wonder what BD's mission is, and how he came up with it. Maybe we will get a blog post that conveys that information someday.
Blackdragon 2017-01-04 12:30:46
FIX THE FUCKING COMMENT’S SYSTEM IN YOUR OTHER BLOG. LET ME GUESS, YOU’RE BUSY? JUST DO IT!Yeah yeah. I'm upgrading that entire blog this month so be patient.
Basically my question is, as a beta who is just starting with alpha lifestyle, should I start doing serial monogamy first since I’m a “noob” and try polyamory once I get better with girls? Or just start off demanding poly and let my gf break up with me?Going from noob to monogamy is hard. Going from noob to nonmonogamy is hard. Going from monogamy to nonmonogamy is very hard. Therefore, given those three choices, you should go from noob to nonmonogamy. Being monogamous, even serial monogamous, trains your mind for oneitis, jealousy, and scarcity mentality (and often drama too). Note the commenter above who is complaining that he can't have his women fuck other men, even though he's clearly very experienced. That's what you run into when you do monogamy "first." By going from noob to nonmonogamy, you skip all that pain and bullshit. I wish I could have done that.
You forgot “women refuse to have sex with their partners when monogamous for a long time”.Correct! Forgot about that one!
I wonder what BD’s mission is, and how he came up with it.My Mission is not hard to figure out.
Ron1 2017-01-04 15:27:26
My Mission is not hard to figure out."Helping steer the 10% of men who have the desire and will power to become happy Alphas 2.0 on correct path (while ignoring the rest of the hard-core Alpha 1.0 and Beta males), helping people and businesses market their products and manage time effectively, while at the same time actively striving to be as happy as possible leading the Alpha 2.0 lifestyle (and making a living out of all this)" ??? 🙂
Blackdragon 2017-01-04 20:38:05
That's just a goal from one of my three businesses. I have two other businesses that have nothing to do with any of this Alpha 2.0 stuff. My Mission encompasses all of them, plus much more. The second half of what you said is pretty accurate though.
MaxiB 2017-01-04 23:48:27
Hey BD, This reminded me of a post I just read on a woman's dating blog... http://simoneleebrennan.com.au/the-dating-journal-the-dating-bullshit-is-born/ She meets a "hot" alpha dude who goes to her place for dinner and sex only on Tuesdays. A few weeks go by, she suspects he's seeing someone else so she stalks him to a bar where he's on a date with another woman. She confronts him the next day, he doesn't care, he's only loosing the Tuesday girl and has plenty more women on the go. On an different note, why is it men are (rightly) called out for stalking/creepy behaviors, while women like that blogger get a free pass?
Emmanuel 2017-01-04 23:52:00
JB 2017-01-05 02:49:32
@MaxiB While you are certainly correct that women have a huge free pass in this area, I think we just have to accept it. It's one of those things that SP unfortunately dictates, along with: Alimony is good (poor woman!), palimony is bad (Guy needs money from his ex-wife? What a loser!) A single dad should work to support his child. The state should support the children of single mothers. ... and so on. You can name countless subjects where women have a lot of advantages within social (and financial!) norms. (On the other hand, remember that a guy fucking lots of women is "cool" while a sexually liberated woman is a "slut". They have disadvantages as well.) This is not to say that girls can't be considered as stalkers at all, it just takes a lot "more" (If she sat in his treehouse and spied on him in his living room, society would consider her a stalker as well). It's one of those things about life that we all just have to accept - It isn't always "fair", but you accept it (because you can't change it) and use it as best you can.
Leon 2017-01-05 03:28:30
That’s just a goal from one of my three businesses. I have two other businesses that have nothing to do with any of this Alpha 2.0 stuff. My Mission encompasses all of them, plus much more. The second half of what you said is pretty accurate though.Speaking about life mission, you didn't mention anything in your books either, such as where/when did you find yours and what it is. Are we supposed to keep our mission a secret? Correct me if I'm wrong but I see no harm in letting the others know about stuff you wanna do in life.
hey hey 2017-01-05 05:17:33
Leon with the same logic you should be telling your financial status to everyone. No harm. On topic though, betas are slaves and have usually very limited option therefore they take the hits and say thank you. But what about women? I understand women staying with the same guy for 3-5 years. But anything more than that seems like a wasted life. Disgusted of sex with the same beta, boredom, lack of excitement seems very pathetic life from the perspective of a woman(even though they get freebies). Ladies(Krypto, LG) can you give your excuse on this? Why the hell did you stay mono with a guy when you realized you are "disgusted" by him(I mean it doesn't take more than 5 years to realize this)? It's not like you are slaves like the beta, you have options. Was it because of society and how people will react? Was it because you felt bad about doing this to him? Love(I highly doubt that since you bash your ex husbands without pity)? Children(There are many couples that stay years together before getting married and even having children)? What does it trigger you to say enough is enough in 10-15 years and not in 5-7 years?
Blackdragon 2017-01-05 13:43:41
This reminded me of a post I just read on a woman’s dating blogHoly crap that article was great! So indicative of female psychology and incongruent Alpha Male 1.0 behavior. She actually says it: What’s The Dating Bullshit? Well, if you missed last week’s entry, in a nutshell, The Dating Bullshit is: When you are convinced that the time you actually spend with someone translates to them genuinely wanting to officially, exclusively, date you. But they don’t. Haha!
On an different note, why is it men are (rightly) called out for stalking/creepy behaviors, while women like that blogger get a free pass?Men are bigger and stronger than women, so society doesn't deem a female stalker as physically threatening as a male one.
Speaking about life mission, you didn’t mention anything in your books either, such as where/when did you find yours and what it is.Yes I did. I talked about how I sat down one day in my early 30s and wrote out my ideal life. My Mission was derived from that.
Are we supposed to keep our mission a secret?That's up to you. I try to keep my exact Mission a secret because A) I'm a public figure and B) I publicly talk about my private life so much, that I would like to keep at least some things private (though again, my Mission would not be hard to figure out). Feel free to tell your Mission to everyone if you want. It's your Mission; totally up to you.
The New Yorker 2017-01-05 14:08:30
Hey BD, I've noticed that younger girls tend to like "pretty boy" looking boys, while older women tend to go for rugged "Clint Eastwood" looking men. What's your explanation to this phenomenon?
Blackdragon 2017-01-05 17:02:10
I’ve noticed that younger girls tend to like “pretty boy” looking boys, while older women tend to go for rugged “Clint Eastwood” looking men. What’s your explanation to this phenomenon?I have never observed this, nor have had anyone report anything like this. It likely just applies to your personal social circle.
The New Yorker 2017-01-05 18:20:19
Allow me to rephrase it this way: Why do androgynous pretty boys get so many women drooling over them if women want masculine alphas? See: Almost every musician (Justin Bieber types) and band (K Pop), at least nowadays You see this situation among the teenage female population and pop concerts Any theories, BD?
KryptoKate 2017-01-05 20:34:11
@ New Yorker I can explain it as that was true of me. When I was in my teens/20s I loved pretty boys who were slim with long hair and not at all masculine. The guys I like now in my 30s would have terrified my younger self. I think it is really just because women start off afraid of men, so they like the ones who seem gentler, kinder, less masculine at first -- like they wouldn't hurt a fly. Eventually with more experience you realize that men aren't typically mean or violent to women and you stop being afraid of them, and then you become more attracted to strong seeming men. I was afraid of tougher more masculine men when I was young because I thought they might physically harm me. I now realize that is not true and that actually a "pretty" or weaker looking guy is just as likely to harbor ill will for women... The more confident and experienced you become, the more comfortable you feel "handling" a tougher seeming guy.
KryptoKate 2017-01-05 22:24:04
@ hey hey It never took me that long to figure it out and break things off. But yes, it takes much longer than the actual dissatisfaction which sets in well before I'd build up the courage to actually break up. It's because all of society wants you to be "normal" in a relationship, and the person wants to be in a relationship, and they give you ultimatums, and it makes your friends and parents happy, and it's just really, really, really hard to fight every single day against social expectations. If I posted a pic on facebook right now of me and the guy I'm seeing, I would have dozens of "awww so cute" comments and likes, while if I posted something about how being single and not having to be with just one man is great, I would get anger (or crickets at best). Humans are social animals, meant to live in groups with rules and hierarchies, it's how we're wired. It's very difficult to fight against the social norms of one's group. It's much easier to give in sometimes and have your friends and parents and lover and co-workers all be happy for you and approving of your choice than to always have to be the weirdo who seems obsessed with sex but doesn't want a relationship, and who gets people's suspicion and criticism. Sometimes it's just tiring and easier to give in. And there are benefits at first to a relationship...someone to hug and cuddle with, someone who cares about your daily existence and wellbeing. And by the time you are more than a year in with someone, they are probably your best friend and you are very, very attached to them, and breaking things off and hurting them is terrible. So that's why. And then new someone comes along and lights you up and makes you feel alive and then all those cozy reasons fade into the background and nothing matters but getting to know the fascinating, wonderful new person.
hey hey 2017-01-05 23:29:44
Yeah i get the short term effects of the mono relationship. What i dont get is this: woman finds a super beta. She loves the attention of society, the cuddling, the friendship etc and this goes on for years. The attraction is minimal most of the time. And it gets worse every year. I can understand the 5-7 years but anything more than that it really baffles me. The biological pressure should have been higher than the societal by that time and as such forcing you to take action. I had a discussion with two married women. They are both 20+ years in. They both said it disgusts them to even give a romantic kiss to their husband. Whilee the guy is there being sweet and takes it. The one of them said this: i want to feel that new relationship energy again, feel young again. i can get men easily but whats the point?
Joe 2017-01-06 13:38:47
Been kind of wondering if I'm alpha or beta, never mind the 1.0's and 2.0's. I'm getting the feeling an alpha 2.0 can't be married. But if that's the description of the married betas, I'm definitely not that. Can I be a married alpha without all the drama?
Blackdragon 2017-01-06 14:52:52
Allow me to rephrase it this way: Why do androgynous pretty boys get so many women drooling over them if women want masculine alphas? See: Almost every musician (Justin Bieber types) and band (K Pop), at least nowadays You see this situation among the teenage female population and pop concertsYou're talking about the celebrity factor, not that younger women like androgynous men. If you did a scientific test, where 100 typical younger women went on a first date with an attractive, androgynous pretty boy, and then went on another date an equally attractive masculine guy of the same age, most of them would fuck the masculine guy.
I’m getting the feeling an alpha 2.0 can’t be married.He can't be traditionally married, but he can certainly be married. It has to be an OLTR marriage, or swinger marriage, or poly marriage, etc.
Can I be a married alpha without all the drama?Can you be a married Alpha without all the typical drama? Yes. But, if you're married, even as an Alpha 2.0, you will have some drama. At least a small increase in drama is unavoidable if you live with a woman full-time. (Hey, we're talking about women here.) If you can't stand even that, you should never live with a woman.
John 2017-01-07 06:53:26
I don't cheat (never have) or chase women or "bag a lot of tail" but I'm an asshole, don't take orders, aggressive, incredibly jealous, would rather fist fight than talk, love violent sports (boxed and played football), arrogant, and cocky. I have no game with women though, haven't gotten laid in a couple months (middle of divorce) and have aged badly (late 40's but age and marriage got the best of me) so would that alone (being terrible with women) make me Beta?
K 2017-01-07 10:39:29
I’ve noticed that younger girls tend to like “pretty boy” looking boys, while older women tend to go for rugged “Clint Eastwood” looking men.Because of age proximity?
Blackdragon 2017-01-07 11:31:02
I don’t cheat (never have) or chase women or “bag a lot of tail” but I’m an asshole, don’t take orders, aggressive, incredibly jealous, would rather fist fight than talk, love violent sports (boxed and played football), arrogant, and cocky. I have no game with women though, haven’t gotten laid in a couple months (middle of divorce) and have aged badly (late 40’s but age and marriage got the best of me) so would that alone (being terrible with women) make me Beta?It sounds like you're an Alpha 1.0 who just isn't getting laid right now.
Mike Hunter 2017-01-08 20:58:14
@BlackDragon - I love the idea of being happy all of the time. But is it possible? What do you think of the of the "hedonistic treadmill" theory? Also I understand that the Alpha 2.0 philosophy is all about letting go of the need to control what other people do. I have done this is the sexual realm. In fact our opinions regarding sexual fidelity are basically the same. But what about in the person realm? You write about alpha 1.0 guys who want the perfect 'wife slave'. That's basically what I want; minus the marriage part and lifetime pair bonding. I've had this in the short term (a couple of months) and it was great. Never in the long term though. Should I try to let go of that dream and only consensually dominate women when they're physically with me? Any insight regarding the alpha male 2.0 lifestyle as it relates to BDSM (which seems very geared towards Alpha Male 1.0).
Blackdragon 2017-01-09 12:03:15
I love the idea of being happy all of the time. But is it possible?I've addressed that many times. There are unusual and rare occurrences that will make you unhappy no matter how hard you try (when one of your parents die, for example). Barring those occurrences, yes, it's possible to be happy all the time. Not at a 10 all the time, but definitely at a 8 or a 9, certainly a 7.
What do you think of the of the “hedonistic treadmill” theory?Never heard of it. I don't recommend pursuing hedonism (or else I would advise men to just fuck FBs for the rest of their lives). I recommend pursuing long-term consistent happiness.
But what about in the person realm? You write about alpha 1.0 guys who want the perfect ‘wife slave’. That’s basically what I want; minus the marriage part and lifetime pair bonding. I’ve had this in the short term (a couple of months) and it was great. Never in the long term though.Having that in the short term is possible. That's called serial monogamy. If that's what you want, then go ahead, but serial monogamy won't being you long-term consistent happiness, as I talked about here and here and here.
Should I try to let go of that dream and only consensually dominate women when they’re physically with me?Of course not. Short-term monogamy / domination is possible. If you're sure that's all you'll ever want, even as you age into your 40s and 50s, and you don't mind the occasional unhappiness it will cause, the go ahead. It's your life. It's not Alpha 2.0 though.
Any insight regarding the alpha male 2.0 lifestyle as it relates to BDSM (which seems very geared towards Alpha Male 1.0).BDSM is a sexual condition, not (necessarily) a relationship one, so it applies equally to Alpha 1.0 and 2.0. I know many Alpha 2.0s who are into BDSM.
Mike Hunter 2017-01-09 14:04:02
@Blackdragon - Thanks for replying to my post.
Never heard of it. I don’t recommend pursuing hedonism (or else I would advise men to just fuck FBs for the rest of their lives). I recommend pursuing long-term consistent happiness."The Hedonistic Treadmill also know as Hedonistic Adaptation is the observed tendency of humans to quickly return to a relatively stable level of happiness despite major positive or negative events or life changes. According to this theory, as a person makes more money, expectations and desires rise in tandem, which results in no permanent gain in happiness." In other words it's the theory that no matter what you do it's impossible to permanently raise your long term level of happiness no matter what you do. Psychologists developed the theory after observing that accident victims who lost their legs, and lottery winners both claim to return to their previous level of happiness when enough time has elapsed.
Having that in the short term is possible. That’s called serial monogamy. If that’s what you want, then go ahead, but serial monogamy won’t being you long-term consistent happiness, as I talked about here and here and here.Thanks for the link to your article about serial monogamy. It closely mirrors much of what I have experienced in the past. Although I wouldn't call it "short term monogamy"; because I never promise monogamy to a woman. Nor do I expect it from them and tell them so when they try to initiate the talk. I'm realistic about the sexual side of human nature. As you said I'd call it: "short term domination". But the results seem to be the same.
BDSM is a sexual condition, not (necessarily) a relationship one, so it applies equally to Alpha 1.0 and 2.0. I know many Alpha 2.0s who are into BDSM.I'm still a little bit confused about this. Do you mean don't control a woman's life when she's not physically with you even if she claims that is what she wants? What about if we only do it when we're together because that's our dynamic . Will that have the same results? Or do you mean that I should reserve BDSM for the bedroom only? I don't mean to be so nit picky, and I know all of this would be much more straight forward if my tastes were more vanilla. But I want to know what I can "get away with" in this regard. My goal is consistent long term happiness, and most of what you've said seems to dovetail with my personal experience. So I'd like to try the Alpha 2.0 lifestyle to see if it works for me. Our views regarding long term monogamy are basically the same. So I feel like I'm halfway there anyway.
Blackdragon 2017-01-09 14:37:32
In other words it’s the theory that no matter what you do it’s impossible to permanently raise your long term level of happiness no matter what you do.Yep, it's a valid theory and I've seen people do this. We've talked about how to avoid it in my membership program, as well as my book when I talk about Mission. You have to learn to maintain a high level of happiness despite the problems you encounter and the goals you haven't hit yet, and you have to adhere to a Mission rather than a goal, since once you hit a goal, you may be unhappy again. You also can't use that treadmill as an excuse either; because what is the alternative? Sitting around all day and being unhappy?
I’m still a little bit confused about this. Do you mean don’t control a woman’s life when she’s not physically with you even if she claims that is what she wants?1. Don't control a woman's life. 2. During sex doesn't count. I'm extremely dominant and controlling during sex. During sex I'm the biggest Alpha 1.0 in the universe. But sex is not the rest of life outside of sex. It's just during sex. 3. If a woman specifically asks you to control her outside of sex, then go right ahead, but stop doing it the instant she starts complaining you're trying to control her. Example: In my last serious relationship a few years ago, she complained that I should "tell her what to do more" since that showed her that "I loved her." I resisted, because as an Alpha 2.0 I don't do that, nor want to, nor have time to. She persisted. Eventually, I said okay, and started telling her what to do. She loved it for about two weeks, then complained that I was bossing her around. I said, "See? This is why I don't tell you want to do," and then stopped. She got the message. She never asked me to tell her what to do ever again. As always, ignore what women SAY and only pay attention to what they DO. I don't give a shit what women say; it rarely matches what they really do and/or really want.
What about if we only do it when we’re together because that’s our dynamic.If it never results in drama, then fine.
do you mean that I should reserve BDSM for the bedroom only?If your objective is minimal drama, yes. (BDSM role-play outside of the bedroom would be okay though; that's a little different.)
Gil Galad 2017-01-19 03:23:25
BD, you've said that even betas eventually cheat. Does that mean that in theory, even a beta could be technically dating two women at a time, including the non-cheating (open or semi-open relationship) way ? I'm guessing he'd be struggling much more at it than an Alpha, with more drama (and less sex) from the main girl and much less consistent side girl(s). Could there be such a thing as a beta 2.0 ? I've heard of examples of guys who admit they're kinda clueless at seduction yet confess to find themselves (sort of) fucking 2 women at a time, though not super-hot ones and not very consistently. They'd be a somewhat happier cousin of the "Master Beta" from the other article. Otherwise maybe they're just guys slowly transitioning toward alpha.
Blackdragon 2017-01-19 10:20:53
Does that mean that in theory, even a beta could be technically dating two women at a time, including the non-cheating (open or semi-open relationship) way ?Of course.
Jack Outside the Box 2017-01-20 17:49:20
I cannot accept my significant other sleeping with other men. I know that would make me horribly unhappy. Even if I tried and tolerated it for a short time, I’d likely react by resorting to raging 1.0 behavior.Then you are pedestaling her as if she's a rare diamond or a scarce resource that needs to be hoarded. This demonstrates a scarcity mentality and massive insecurity for someone living in 2017 with an abundance of women. It also smacks of hypocrisy, since you presumably as an alpha 1.0 are sleeping with other women while demanding that your main girl satisfy your purity fetish. I forgive blue pill men for this (while sleeping with their women, of course), but someone like you who has access to the red pill should know that everyone is poly whether they know it or not. How do you know whether or not your woman is already sleeping with other men? She doesn't require your permission. So it's not that you want the Disney fantasy of female purity (which is fiction), but you just can't handle knowing about it. That's fine, I suppose, if you want to be kept in the dark about your girl's extracurricular activities, but don't automatically assume that your woman is mono just because you ordered her to be. That's delusion. She'll fuck other men if she wants to. The question isn't whether or not she'll do it. The question is, when she chooses to do it, what will be your level of awareness vs. her level of discretion. I say, if you love her, you will spare her the headache of lying and hiding, as you can't control her one way or the other. But I guess I just see that when it comes to mono, there really is no "there" there, so I prefer a minimum amount of fictional Disney constructs.
Bob 2017-01-27 14:23:18
I'm somewhat embarrassed to say that I am a beta, in terms of what I'm attracted to. In fact, I was so much in denial about it that I didn't even realize it until relatively recently. But I've noticed that I'm always attracted to women who are taller and/or stronger than me. To the point where I can see that they may be objectively not pretty, but it doesn't matter. If they're larger, stronger, dominant, I'm into them. A big, physically strong, plain-faced woman is far more of a turn-on to me than a short, adorable waif-type. And I wish that weren't true. So I'm trying to figure out how to deal with this part of myself, as I agree that it's hardly ideal for happiness. Not sure if you have any recommendations for me.
KryptoKate 2017-01-27 15:51:39
@ Bob Perhaps it is your genes, guiding you to produce bigger, more physically strong offspring. Just hope that if you reproduce with one of these women that you have sons and not daughters. The tragedy of many giant, super masculine men like football/basketball players is that they have hideous daughters. But it's good for their sons. Same goes the other way around for super feminine, small women...their sons aren't so lucky.
Gil Galad 2017-01-27 17:00:57
@Bob: do you want to have submissive sex with strong, dominant women or do you want to be in a relationship with and be bossed around by these women ? Your solution depends on the answer. if it's just that they turn you on, you can have FBs like that or even pay a visit to dominatrices now and then. If you actually want a relationship where you're the submissive, then yeah that's gonna impact your long term happiness. Also I think your physique may affect your taste. Feeling small, unfit and unmuscular can make you intinctively compensate with a bossy, big-boned partner. Maybe more steak, barbells and zinc ?
Bob 2017-01-28 14:37:22
@KryptoKate, I am not looking to have any children going forward. But I agree that part of what we are sexually attraction is unconscious "trait shopping" for potential offspring. To me, this is why you so often see tiny women with very tall men -- not just average-sized men. I'm not very small, but am a bit below average in height, and have noticed a fair percentage of very tall women smiling at me. So I suspect that 'trait-shopping' works in both directions. @Bob: do you want to have submissive sex with strong, dominant women or do you want to be in a relationship with and be bossed around by these women ? I don't really desire submissive sex. The idea bores me. I just am attracted to larger women. As for being bossed around by women, this would be a deal-breaker today, but was kind of how my childhood was -- which no doubt plays a part in my current makeup. This looks more like my family than I'd like to admit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPanUwQ_158
happy beta2 2017-01-31 02:41:57
I might be naive, but I'd like to challenge the notion that a beta2 will necessarily be more unhappy than an Alpha1 or Alpha2. I could be what you call an Alpha turned into a beta2 by a long term relationship. Over time I realized I felt comfort in submitting to my girlfriend, both sexually and within the relationship itself. I became a better person from her guidance -- quit smoking, exercised more, established better routines like a consistent sleep schedule. I understand the freedom I am trading to have these things, but I get off in part from a sense of protection and warmth that I have from getting to live within such structure. I have taken on many jobs and businesses where I needed to be in control of lots of moving parts, and I absolutely hated my life. I would much rather spend 8 hours on an intense intellectual programming problem than deal with the stress of being a manager of people again, and the toxic politics that it can entail. I am consciously aware of what I am doing, and have chose to do it after many years of being very alpha and PUA. If there is one thing I would have to criticize with the manosphere blogs, it's this reductionist assumption based on flawed notions of evolution that men must be ALPHA, and women must be submissive. I would like to challenge this notion that men cannot knowingly and consciously submit to a women without finding happiness in doing so. Maybe I'm wrong, but the certainty that you have in this I feel is just not correct. I am sexually submissive and BDSM forms a major part of my life. Perhaps my shift in sexual proclivities is what is driving the change, but I'm honestly only interested in dominant women right now. It's possible that my perversions have changed my personality in negative ways that will actually lower my self-esteem and make me unhappy... or that I have just discovered who I really am.
Blackdragon 2017-01-31 13:04:00
I would much rather spend 8 hours on an intense intellectual programming problem than deal with the stress of being a manager of people again, and the toxic politics that it can entail.That's very Alpha 2.0. I agree.
If there is one thing I would have to criticize with the manosphere blogs, it’s this reductionist assumption based on flawed notions of evolution that men must be ALPHA, and women must be submissive.And I disagree with that completely and always have, but that doesn't mean betas are happier than Alphas. (The Alpha 2.0 is an Alpha who doesn't have all that overhead.)
I would like to challenge this notion that men cannot knowingly and consciously submit to a women without finding happiness in doing so. Maybe I’m wrong, but the certainty that you have in this I feel is just not correct.I didn't say you can't be happy submitting to a woman. I said you'd be more happy, long-term, if you had that same woman in your life but were still able to do whatever the hell you wanted. I'm not saying beta 2s are miserable. They can be generally happy. But an Alpha with far more freedom will be more happy most of the time. I also have a strong feeling that your relationship is less than three years old, and possibly still in the NRE phase, which skews your own perception of happiness. Check back with me in 5-7 more years (assuming you're still with this woman which statistically you won't be) and THEN tell me you're "really happy" submitting to her rules on your life. I have a feeling you won't be.
happy beta2 2017-01-31 15:49:44
You're right, my relationship is only 3 years old. We do what many young couples do nowadays, and spend half our time living together and the other time not. (So like a "half" move in situation...) I wonder how that would change the timeline of your predictions of when dissatisfaction will enter in. An interesting element in my relationship is that I am dating a former fat girl who became skinny and hot only in her early 20's, meaning for most of her life she never grew up understanding what it meant to be hot. She's only had a handful of sexual partners and seeing her past weight I don't think she's lying. In comparison I've slept with 40-50 women by the time I finally settled down with her in my mid-20's. My experience has led me to believe that former fat girls have dramatically different relationship dynamics than women who always knew they were hot. In general they have way less self-confidence, and much more appreciation for what they have. Another factor: Her parents are still married and loyally monogamous after many years. Other commentators on your blog have noted how people who date who grow in families like this are generally much more likely to remain attached in a long term relationship than someone who grew up in a family with divorce (which I did). Indeed... I'm totally open to our relationship becoming "monagamish" and I even raised the idea with her about it that one day we might get bored with each other and may want to play around in ways where we don't emotionally hurt one another.... but she's still dead set against it... telling me she believes firmly in monogamy. But if you are right in your prediction that she will get bored and want to fuck other men... then I'm not too worried for our relationship necessarily, because monogamy was never a precondition for happiness. If three years is the limit to relationship happiness, can I overcome the NRE hurdle by just agreeing to become monogamish? --- Few other points I want to make: - The (right-leaning) manosphere and the alt-right often prides itself in calling people cucks... but cuckholding is actually a major fetish for many submissive men. As are chastity fetishes and other things Alpha males would find unbelievably beta and degrading. Their visceral reaction against such things -- and shaming of them to me comes off as elementary, ignorant and closed-minded. In part because I don't think they understand that for men who are into these sort of kinks, they can be a hell of a lot of exciting sexual fun for both partners. - It takes extraordinary communication skills and understanding within both partners for a relationship to progress consensually to cuckholding. I would argue men who go into this kind of play, which in part is sexy due to the unbelievable mind fuck, are showing a level of confidence and independent thinking in knowing who they are that suggests traits of an Alpha2. - I concede the life of an Alpha2 may be better than a Beta2, but that's only if the person is capable of becoming an Alpha2. Where I disagree is the suggestion that being an uninformed Alpha1 will make you happier than a Beta2... This I disagree. I would argue the self-awareness of the beta2 arguably goes much farther in creating a life of happiness for them than the Alpha1. On happiness I would argue it goes: Alpha2 > Beta2 > Alpha1 > Beta1
Bob 2017-01-31 22:22:59
If someone equates suffering and humiliation with happiness, the entire discussion becomes a Möbius strip. In that case, why not get married to the most horrible woman one can find without a pre-nup? One can't lose if getting taken to the cleaners in a scorched-earth divorce is the sexiest experience of all.
Blackdragon 2017-01-31 23:54:04
You’re right, my relationship is only 3 years old.As I thought. Then you can't assess your current level of happiness with any level of accuracy of determining future happiness. Wait until you're well past three years (if you two last that long, and you probably won't); only then will you be "normal" again.
We do what many young couples do nowadays, and spend half our time living together and the other time not. (So like a “half” move in situation…) I wonder how that would change the timeline of your predictions of when dissatisfaction will enter in.Living part-time and monogamous will extended it a little bit past if you lived together full time and monogamous, which isn't saying much.
In comparison I’ve slept with 40-50 women by the time I finally settled down with her in my mid-20’s.This is two of the reasons it won't work; you've established a precedent of sexual variety, and you're way too young to settle down.
Her parents are still married She’s only had a handful of sexual partnersAll points I've addressed and refuted before on this blog numerous times. You really need to read this.
I’m totally open to our relationship becoming “monagamish” and I even raised the idea with her about it that one day we might get bored with each other and may want to play around in ways where we don’t emotionally hurt one another…. but she’s still dead set against it… telling me she believes firmly in monogamy.Correct. Once you give a woman monogamy, it's extremely difficult to take it away from them. That's why you should never promise monogamy in the first place. Perhaps you'll do better in your next relationship. Also, you don't "ask" a woman to open up a relationship. Of course she'll say no. You tell her you're going to do it. More information in this book here.
But if you are right in your prediction that she will get bored and want to fuck other menThat is not my prediction. My prediction, and I will be right, is that she'll get bored with you and leave or get mad at you when you finally cheat (and then leave). These odds of one of these two scenarios occurring are are overwhelming, to the degree to which I'd bet a third party $5,000 it will happen, if I knew you better. And I'd be right.
If three years is the limit to relationship happiness, can I overcome the NRE hurdle by just agreeing to become monogamish?You agreeing to it isn't the problem. It's her agreeing to it after you've acted like a submissive monogamous pussy for three years. It's too radical a change for many women to handle.
I concede the life of an Alpha2 may be better than a Beta2, but that’s only if the person is capable of becoming an Alpha2Any man who is not mentally retarded can become an Alpha Male 2.0, provided he wants it badly enough. There are no special requirements.