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What Would You Have Done Differently If You Had Known?
-By Caleb Jones
Knowing what you know now, and assuming you were the man you are now, what would you have done back when you were married? Would you still have gotten divorced?
If I was the man I am now, I would never have ended up in that scenario in the first place (monogamous, legally married with no prenuptial agreement or any other legal recourse, no legal parenting plan for the kids, fully combined finances with a woman, etc).
But if for some strange reason I had, instead of being a stupid, outcome dependent beta and arguing with her for a year and a half only to get divorced, I would have done the following:
1. Stopped arguing with her, about everything. If she started arguing with me, I would have terminated the conversation, even if it meant leaving the house with my laptop and working down at a Starbucks or one of my client’s offices.
2. Started lifting weights, dieting heavily, and improving my fashion.
3. Separated all finances as best I could (this I actually did). 4. Stopped trying to have sex with her.
5. Once all that was done, I would have notified her in a calm tone of voice that I was going to start having sex with other women. I would promise her that I would wear a condom, that no one would know, and that I would not ever do it in the house. I would make it clear that I was not asking for permission; I was just going to start doing this whether she liked it or not. I would have told her that if she wanted to divorce me because of it, she was more than welcome to hire an attorney and file papers, but that I would not divorce her. I estimate an 80% chance that she would have gone along with it (admittedly after a huge explosion of drama that would probably have lasted a week and that would have been a big pain in my ass). I would then start having sex with women on the side via online dating.
For you married guys, if you want more details on exactly how to do this with very high odds of success, read this book.
Knowing what you know now, how would you have changed how you met women when you first got started with online dating?
Shit, I would have changed everything. Instead of shooting in the dark using trial and error and PUA techniques mostly meant for night game (there were no online dating gurus back then), I would have instead followed everything I know works that I describe in my online dating manual.
Knowing what you know now, what would you have changed when you first got started with open and poly relationships?
I would have verbalized less! I would have shut my big dumb mouth and not talked about the relationship in any way whatsoever until at least 3-5 months in (then it’s time for The Talk). This is one of the biggest mistakes men make in open/poly relationships, and I was guilty of this myself.
I also would have spent more time focusing on social circle game/“referral game” with my MLTR’s and FB’s who were under the age of 23 (having sex with their friends, with their consent). I did plenty of this but I should have done more back then (today I’m way too busy for that kind of thing unless it falls in my lap). It’s the fastest, easiest sex in the world without paying for it.
Marketing! Marketing, marketing, marketing! I should have spent quadruple the amount of time on marketing and sales and less on the technical side of the business. It took me 3.5 years to go from zero to a six-figure income, and that was doing a lot of things wrong. Had I marketed harder and better, I could have shortened that 3.5 years down to 6-12 months.
I also would have spent a tiny fraction of the money I did when I got started. As I talked about in my book, I wasted a big amount of cash on stupid shit I didn’t need at all. I purchased several computers I didn’t need, business cards and letterhead I didn’t need, a phone system I didn’t need, rented an office I didn’t need, etc. It was fun for a while, but I could have spent a tiny fraction of the money I spent and would have received the same results.
Knowing what you know now, what would you have done when you were 18 and just getting started? Would you change anything?
That’s an awfully big question. The answer is, of course, and a lot. To be fair to myself, I did a lot of things right when I was a young man, but I did a few things very wrong. Things I did right:
- Refused to go to college, despite massive pressure from family and friends (not going to college was one of the three best decisions I ever made in my entire life).
- Started my business as fast as I possibly could (part-time when I was about 20, full time when I was 24).
- Learned as many business and career skills while on the job at a company in a growth industry (in this case, software).
- Didn’t waste time with women or fun and focused on building my income.
- Invested in real estate as soon as I possibly could.
Things I did wrong:
- Lost my virginity way too late (age 22 or 23). It was good I didn’t focus on women, but I should have had a FB or two for self-esteem and stress relief reasons. Eventually, I did exactly that, but several years too late.
- Stayed at my first real full-time job way too long. I could have made much more money and gotten important skills faster had I left sooner. I was there three years; it should have been 1.5 years at the most.
- Got monogamous at age 24 and traditionally, legally married at age 25. Stupid, on both counts.
- Had children way too early, at age 26 (thought at least I did a budget and made sure I could afford them before I actually had them). I should have waited until I was 40 at least.
- Started the wrong kind of business (hourly computer consulting). It was profitable, but not Alpha 2.0 compatible at all. Too labor intensive, not easily scalable, selling hours for dollars, location dependent, etc.
Let’s say you were 18 again, but it was today in the current year, not way back when you got started in the early 90’s. Would you have changed anything business-wise?
Not really. The nature of the business probably would have been online instead of real-life, since there was no internet to speak of back in the 80’s/early 90’s when I got started. Japan was also a big deal back then before they imploded, so today I would focus on China instead. But other than those details, I can’t think of anything significantly different from the answer in the above question.
Knowing what you know now, would you have dated your ex-wife at all?
Back when I was 24? Maybe, sure. She was very attractive back then and we got along well before we moved in together. Worst case, she would have been a MLTR, perhaps upgraded (incorrectly) to an OLTR, we would have moved in together, never gotten married, had my same two kids, she would have moved out amicably in about three years, and I would have just paid child support instead of going through a divorce, lawyers, alimony, and the typical angry ex-wife. At that point I would have maintained her as a temporary FB until she re-married (which she would have done, not being "scarred" by an actual divorce), and I would go on my merry way.
I can’t really envision myself as never having kids, although it’s certainly possible. At a bare minimum, if I could wave a magic wand and do it all over again, I would have had my same two kids, but had them when I was a 40, 45, or 50 year-old wealthy Alpha Male 2.0 under some kind of OLTR, not when I was an up-and-coming 25 year-old beta under a traditional, monogamous marriage. That was stupid and insane. If I had never had kids, had never been legally married, and knew everything as a young man I know now, by age 40-50, I would have far more money than I have now and most of my Mission would already accomplished, so having two kids at that time (that some woman was cool with taking care of most of the time) would be no big deal.
As I've said many times, and lots of very successful men agree with me, having kids before you've accomplished your big dreams and goals in life is one of the dumbest things men do.
Knowing what you know now, would you take back anything you said way back when you first got started in the PUA community on the forums?
When a man gets divorced, he goes through a period where he’s irrationally upset for about 1-2 years and can't think clearly. Any talk about monogamy, marriage, or living with a woman sets him off onto a rant he can’t control. You’ve seen many of these irrational bastards comment on this very blog (particularly when I talk about my current girlfriend). During the time when I was first posting on forums back around 2008-09, I was still in this phase, so my anti-monogamy rhetoric was a little too strong.
Which of your opinions have evolved since then, if any?
I now admit that serial monogamy can “work” for some men of certain personality types. Higher-drama men, lower sex drive men, more controlling men, more needy men... if guys like that want to put up with all the bullshit involved in serial monogamy once the NRE dies down, then they’re more than welcome as long as they understand all the downsides.
Remember that I’m talking here about serial monogamy, which is short-term monogamy. Long-term monogamy doesn’t work for anyone in the Western world (barring very rare exceptions, and if you’re reading this blog, you’re not one of them), and anyone attempting it is indeed stupid, lying, or delusional.
Knowing what you know now, would you have modified the type of women you dated early on? More or less younger women? More or less older women? Perhaps different types of women?
As stated above, I certainly would have stopped opening women online who were over the age of 33 several years sooner than I did. Just doing that alone would have saved me several years of wasted time.
Beyond that, no. Over the last ten years I’ve dated a wide range of women in terms of ages (18-19 year-old girls, women in their 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, and even mid-50’s), races (white, many types of Asian, Hispanic, Russian, mixed races, etc), personality types (wild extroverts to nerdy introverts), nationalities (American, Asian, European, E. European, S. American, etc), and looks (sexy blondes, girl-next-door brunettes, crazy redheads, etc). I really enjoyed the variety and it was hugely interesting and educational. I have my “type” just like most other guys, and I always lean towards that, but I’ve never understood the guys who ONLY date their “type” and rarely anyone else. It’s a very big world out there, and it’s there to be experienced!
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Atlanta Man 2017-05-04 05:46:05
This is the best article you have ever written for guys over 40. I always make a mental note not to dwell in the past because I cannot change it, and always keep an eye on the future because you have power over that- but every mans mind wonders at night, going over the errors rehashing the past. This was definitely good, more stuff for us over 40 guys to relate to!
Hugo 2017-05-04 06:05:33
I will love to hear more specific steps about "marketing and business" skills.
joelsuf 2017-05-04 07:23:29
When a man gets divorced, he goes through a period where he’s irrationally upset for about 1-2 years and can’t think clearly.My dad dragged that phase out until he died of cancer nine painful years later. He drowned himself in work until he got cancer, and even then he was bitching about how he couldn't work because he had to go to treatments etc. In those nine years, he dated exactly one woman, who told ME that he was not her type. Ouch. If I had shown him this blog he would have told me to never read it ever again because it "its a scam." He thought that everything that didn't agree with his lifestyle or his beliefs was either a scam, a conspiracy, or anti-semetic.
– Refused to go to college, despite massive pressure from family and friends (not going to college was one of the three best decisions I ever made in my entire life).I wish I hadn't went to college either. Sure I had some fun times, but those fun times could have been had even if (and probably especially if, come to think of it) I had a part time job. I absolutely loved being on my school's bowling team and travelling across the US to different tournaments and stuff, but yeah, I didn't need college for that either. All the shit I learned in my classes? Yeah, I could have googled most all of it, sadly. And now I'm looking down the barrel of tens of thousands of college loan debt. Its quite depressing. But I DID buy my car straight up, and refuse to buy a home because I know how that its a losing deal. So I suppose I don't care if the department of education gets some of my income. Its not like I have any other debts (besides a very minuscule credit card balance).
Got monogamous at age 24 and traditionally, legally married at age 25. Stupid, on both counts.Its funny, in the last decade I have witnessed at least 90% of my male buddies get married between the ages of 25-30. I've aged better than virtually all of them just going on random dates and having random sex. I have more energy too and stress out way less. How do I know this? I don't humblebrag like they do on social media. I don't need to; I don't need to convince anyone how happy I am just so I can convince myself how happy I am.
I wish my communication style back then was more like today; rational, objective, and fact-based rather than ranting.I still think the ranting has its place, as does insulting and trolling. On the internet, that reaches more people than being rational and objective, as horrifyingly sad as that sounds. The manosphere (Danger and Play and Roosh in particular) is a great example of this, as well as most other collectivist entities. Hell I discovered most red pill ideologies through trolls on PUA boards.
Alejo 2017-05-04 07:43:35
Nice post, I'm 26 and already thinking about all my mistakes since I was 18... actually I'm doing some mistakes now... Offtopic: I think some spam bot goit inside the Alpha 2.0 community. watch these post: I , II and III . All were posted by last 2 member registered.
Northern 2.0 2017-05-04 07:45:40
Can you please write more on social circle game / "referral game" with VYW (23 and under)? I'd love to read more on how you arrange this and make it happen, whatever your age is.
johann sebastatian was a good composer 2017-05-04 07:51:06
I now admit that serial monogamy can “work” for some men of certain personality types. Higher-drama men, lower sex drive men, more controlling men, more needy men… if guys like that want to put up with all the bullshit involved in serial monogamy once the NRE dies down, then they’re more than welcome as long as they understand all the downsides. Remember that I’m talking here aboutserialmonogamy, which is short-term monogamy. Long-term monogamy doesn’t work for anyone in the Western world (barring very rare exceptions, and if you’re reading this blog, you’re not one of them), and anyone attempting it is indeed stupid, lying, or delusional.I take it "delusional" includes "programmed." Serial monogamy can also be sought by idealists, dreamers, philosophers who haven't reached the stage of cynicism... you know, some us can't see any deep meaning in "making money", let alone social prestige and status, ... and of course, as emotional beings, we suffer loneliness too. You would really, really, really like to have a reliable, consistent, team mate to play together the game of life. What I would do differently now is: knowing that is only a wishful dream, and suffer much less from seeing it fail and come apart before my eyes over and over. What do you have against serial monogamy if the two parties move on upon the NRE's end, though? I think that is the way to go for me.
Azka Firrah 2017-05-04 07:54:53
That's good contemplating list for me in my 20's. - May the fourth be with you, The Great Blackdragon! ?
AL 2017-05-04 08:13:18
When I was 14, my girlfriend's mother tried to seduce me. I ran off down the road. If I had known then what I know now!!! 🙂 Got married at 24 but that only lasted 3 years. We had nothing when we met and not a lot when we parted so I got away with that one. Been single ever since. Have had lots of very pleasant "relationships" so have been lucky I guess. There is no need to conform to anything that you don't want to. Other than observing the law that is. But not SP of any sort.
Blackdragon 2017-05-04 11:50:59
I will love to hear more specific steps about “marketing and business” skills.That information costs money. I've got seminars and books coming up for that. If you want some freebie basics, go read my business blog and my other blog. My main book also touches on that.
Offtopic: I think some spam bot goit inside the Alpha 2.0 communityPlease do not report that stuff here. Use the "Report an issue" link at the bottom of the community page. (Those posts were already taken care of quite a while ago.) This is the Blackdragon Blog, not the Alpha 2.0 Community, and we need to keep topics per-site segmented and organized. Thanks.
Can you please write more on social circle game / “referral game” with VYW (23 and under)? I’d love to read more on how you arrange this and make it happen, whatever your age is.I have a detailed chapter in my younger woman ebook about exactly how to do it. Beyond that, in the past, every time I've written about it no one gives a shit, so I'm not super excited to write about it again, but I'll consider it.
I take it “delusional” includes “programmed.”Yes.
What do you have against serial monogamy if the two parties move on upon the NRE’s end, though? I think that is the way to go for me.Read this and this, plus my comments in those threads.
May the fourth be with youStar Wars Day is stupid.
Dimwit 2017-05-04 12:16:14
What's with the angry ex wife? Are they always angry? Mine got hard nexted, because we had no children. When we still communicated, she was constantly angry. So, according to you, they get bored after 3 years, then dump you. But why stay angry? They got what they wanted. Never got this.
Joe K 2017-05-04 15:54:23
My greatest regret(s) in life are committing to monogamy with 2 particular women, who both turned out to be horrible people who were astoundingly good actresses for a year or three. I also regret my inability to discern that they were acting the part, and I was too naive and trusting to know better. This robbed me of so much I could've otherwise experienced. I regret being the good guy, I regret doing the 'right thing', I regret not cheating on both of them. I regret believing in 'ethics' and 'integrity' (in the arena of sex/dating/whatever). I regret not seeing that those virtuous concepts are merely weapons that society and the Feminine Imperative use against you, to their benefit, and to hurt you ultimately. On the 'angry ex-wife' thing - as a parallel to that - the only 5+ year married women I've ever seen who I honestly believe to have been faithful - are all angry women. If I meet a married woman who isn't angry and has been married for 5+ years, it's basically a telltale sign that she's a discrete cheater and will likely cheat with you if that's your thing (not endorsing or condemning it, but it is what it is). This makes perfect sense from the viewpoint of what BD teaches.
RedPhoenix 2017-05-04 21:31:41
Wife of 21 years just left me for chad, a real loser. Unemployed, takes drugs, drinks and has ptsd. She tells me she wishes she never met me. Whats interesting in my case is that sex with her was epic and she was always up for it, and she would initiate at least half the time. We would often have sex 14 days in a row, break for a day or two then again. She was addicted to me and me her. I'm no slouch, 6ft5, former pro athlete and we have beautiful children. Hypergamy doesnt care and in my case this is only 3 weeks old so I'm not happy to hear that I may struggle for 1-2 years over this. I still love her to bits and she still calls me every day. Its just nuts but she wants chads boner but my shoulder to cry on. When did I become the beta chump ? This was so sudden. One day she was all over me, like normal i,e like its been for 21 years. Oh and shes a milf of note. She was a 10 when I met her and still at 39 shes mind blowingly hot. My mind is doing cartwheels at what Ive lost and where I could have seen the warning signs. Yes, yes I can go fuck 24 year olds now but im failing to process how I get from where I am now to that. And will that be enough for me ? Will I always want what I had because it was so good ? How will my children ever function properly now without me ? I've been in the manosphere since 2011 so well versed in all of it but still I cant understand how I got blindsided by this. I'm either truly stupid or something better awaits. Not sure but I can tell anyone whos callous about these things i.e "just forget the bitch and move on" has another thing coming. Wait till it happens to you and then see how you feel. All I can do now is read this blog and others and hope whats being said will apply to me too in time and I'll not mope about and die and instead be reborn.
Blackdragon 2017-05-04 21:42:00
What’s with the angry ex wife? Are they always angry?They aren't always angry, just often angry. As to why, A) women tend to have a very hard time accepting personal responsibility during major relationship problems (it's so much easier to blame "the big dumb asshole ex-husband" than to take personal responsibility) and B) women know that 100% of society, friends, and family will always take their side when they blame the man. Being than angry ex-wife is the path of least resistance.
My greatest regret(s) in life are committing to monogamy with 2 particular women, who both turned out to be horrible people who were astoundingly good actresses for a year or three. I also regret my inability to discern that they were acting the part, and I was too naive and trusting to know better.I disagree they were acting. They were likely normal women; happy and sexual during NRE, then increasingly bitchy and nonsexual once A) monogamous and B) living with a guy. If a man is living with a woman and has promised monogamy to her, there's no reason to be a nice or sexual anymore. It's standard female stuff.
Jarod 2017-05-05 07:45:12
When I first saw the title, I thought this was going to be an article on Zero Based Thinking which is very interesting as well. This article, however, was great. If I had it to do all over again, I would have avoided marriage and college. I spent 20+ years in a marriage that was meh most of the time. I always think of the Nine Inch Nails song "Everyday is exactly the same" and this just keeps a man from feeling excited about anything. Only after the divorce to I come to realize how "beta-ized" I had become. It's just one of those things that happen. College was just a waste of time and money. It's hard to buck the standard of the day when all of your trusted advisors recommend college. There was no voice back then to suggest that college could possible be a waste of time and money. Instead it was touted as the only way to get a high income (by teachers and counselors who do not have a high income). In watching my own adult kids, I see that avoiding mistakes is not easy. I've talked these things to death and still had a child marry at a young age. I think when people are young and hormones are at their peak, that they will be unable to heed non-traditional advice until the see it for themselves.
POB 2017-05-05 09:20:06
I always notice a sense of detachment every time I make a jump to something important in life. Does not matter if it is women, business, an increase in income or a new relationship skill. Eg: my younger self was horrified of the though of not having a "steady job" or a "career" and a nice fat government pension when it was time to retire. My current self does not give a shit about this stuff and is looking forward to work hard and smart to the end of his days, starting a couple of new business, getting rich and saving as much as possible for a reasonable period. In my defense (not an excuse BTW) I did not have much encouragement from my family to be like I'm today.
Joe K 2017-05-05 14:59:16
I'm sure BD understands this, but perhaps I'll be describing this in a fresh way: The reason monogamy doesn't work is because of women. Not men. Men have the capability to deny themselves sexual variety, key in on one woman, learn to live with the monogamy, and be fairly content over the long haul. Women are the ones who ask for the monogamy and security in the first place. They get it - and then sabotage everything, and then it's never "their fault". But in most cases, the guy made his peace with the monogamy from the get-go. Despite the awareness of her own past that she MUST possess, she still persuades him that the monogamy will work if only he'll commit to it. He does, then a year or three later she ruins it. This could either be by cheating, or as BD says above - by being bitchy and asexual to the man she 'loves' - upon getting what she wanted from her 'love'. Then, she's somehow not responsible when that relationship fails. So it's women who create the monogamous relationship, then it's also women who destroy the monogamous relationship. Did I miss something?
2017FreedomRelationshipsFun 2017-05-05 17:11:35
A lot of good advice in this BD post. I would not have been in high school or college football because it jammed a nerve in my neck that causes severe pain and headaches many days a year and have to take pain medicine that might cause a GI bleed someday and it was basically for nothing. In high school and university I would not have wasted so much time studying for high grades that did zero for helping to get a job. I would have had sex when younger (I didn't have anyone to show me how to meet women back then). I would either not have gone to college (all it did was make me over fifty thousand dollars in debt), or I would have went to a much cheaper college and not taken it seriously at all (just looked at it as a place to meet women and have fun).
Blackdragon 2017-05-05 18:33:44
The reason monogamy doesn’t work is because of women. Not men. Men have the capability to deny themselves sexual variety, key in on one woman, learn to live with the monogamy, and be fairly content over the long haul.Absolutely wrong. Men hate monogamy, aren't capable of it (with rare exception) and cheat on women like dogs. Even beta males cheat in vast numbers if the relationship last long enough. Go here to read some of the horrible statistics on this.
So it’s women who create the monogamous relationship, then it’s also women who destroy the monogamous relationship. Did I miss something?Correct, but who are the ones agreeing to monogamy when they know deep down they won't be able to pull it off? Men. Women indeed are a huge problem, but saying "it's all women's fault" is not a statement that reflects any level of reality or objectivity.
2017FreedomRelationshipsFun 2017-05-05 21:17:04
Historically speaking women did not create marriage or monogamy, as it was guys who created marriage and then it was guys who created marriage with monogamy. Marriage was "invented" around 5000 years ago in Sumeria/Mesopotamia (current Iraq) around early 3000's BCE by guys who bought women for marriage and it was not for religion as Marriage was a Legal Contract for society to distribute tasks (men doing agriculture and women doing domestic). Marriage spread throughout the region and in Judea (biblical Old Testament) it was not monogamy as men could have wives/slaves/breeders/concubines as many as they could afford. In ancient Greece (there was also much homo and pederasty) and in ancient Rome marriage was for the good of the STATE (for society NOT for the individual) to produce especially sons for the military and for more taxpayers). It was especially the Roman Empire where the men Emperors promoted/popularized by force/imposed marriage with monogamy, not for religion but for POLITICAL power reasons. It was especially around 9 AD that a guy Roman Emperor Augustus (month August) promoted/imposed marriage with monogamy in his "moral legislation" (that "really" wasn't about "morals") by force praising fathers who had sons for the State (for the Roman Empire) and by punishing unmarried men who were forbidden from getting inheritance, and only allowing married men with at least three children to get all of an inheritance. This imposing of monogamous marriage especially by Roman Emperor Augustus was "really" for military/economic/POLITICAL reasons, especially it appears as a POLITICAL war on the wealthy Roman aristocracy to disperse/decrease their inheritance (Land and Money) so it went to more than one heir. Thus it was especially the guy Roman Emperor Augustus who used/promoted/popularized/imposed marriage monogamy as a POLITICAL weapon to especially control/decrease the wealth/disperse the inheritance of other guys in the Roman aristocracy so that the Roman Emperor had the most POLITICAL power. Marriage monogamy was also used for the military to produce more soldiers and taxpayers to pay more taxes to fund more wars. Monogamous marriage was also used for political power alliances. Marriage monogamy was used to try to make sure sons (who would get inheritance land and money) were "legitimate" (biologically his) as there was no DNA tests back then. Thus the "real reasons" for especially the guy Roman Emperor Augustus to impose marriage monogamy as a POLITICAL weapon was not for "religious or moral," but for economic/military/POLITICAL power reasons such as to sabotage/economically and POLITICALLY weaken the wealthy Roman Empire aristocracy other guys to thereby increase/strengthen the POLITICAL power and control of the guy Roman Emperor. The Roman Empire created the RomanCatholicChurch (based on Pontifex Maximus, etc), especially the guys such as Emperor Constantine I in 325 AD and Theodosius I (that another guy politician quickly turned Bishop Ambose had by his weak balls) who pressured Theodosius I to make it the State church of the Roman Empire in 380 AD. Never trust a guy such as Ambrose who promotes chastity/sexual abstinence. Especially Augustine of Hippo (Africa) who previously had pre-marital sex/non-married sex often, had a son while not married, didn't really believe in chastity/sexual abstinence even though many Christians in 2017 continue to use the Sex-Negative sayings of "saint" Augustine to promote sexual abstinence in churches and schools, he converted to Christianity before Theodosius I threatened with death followers of the previous religion Augustine was in, and Augustine had mistresses. It was Augustine and other "church fathers" who made INCORRECT readings of Genesis that in original Hebrew was originally based on earlier Sumerian/Mesopotamian stories of Enki (Ea) with NinTi (Lady of the RIB) that in the OT was rewritten as "Eve" (Hawwah in the original Hebrew) from Ha Adams RIB and was NOT about "original sin" as it was simply a story to explain why humans had knowledge but not immortality. The Genesis serpent word in the original Hebrew was nahash (the same word nahash used for Moses' staff), so it was not "satan/the devil," as it likely was based on the Sumerian/Mesopotamian "god/Lord" of Wisdom Enki (Ea), thus at the Tree of Knowledge Enki wanted to HELP humans and "Eve" (Hawwah) was a hero and Adam (ground/man) was a hero as they gave humans knowledge, and Enki's "brother god" Enlil did not want humans to have immortality in the "original" Genesis story. Christianity has been wrong about that story for almost 2000 years because it wasn't until the 1800's that the original stories were rediscovered and the truth has been covered up until internet information is now available. After the Fall of the Western Roman Empire (money that used to go into the military went into the churches and military outsourcing increased thus weakening the military) it was guys in the ROMANcatholicChurch (created by the ROMAN Empire) that filled the power void and took over political control and continued marriage monogamy for Church plus POLITICAL power/control of society. The Donation of Constantine was a forgery (that's not moral). In 565 AD Roman Emperor of the East Justinian I made more monogamy marriage laws possibly to try to keep out barbarians/outsiders. From around 320 AD to currently especially the ROMANcatholicChurch guys used chastity and marriage monogamy for POLITICAL and economic power/CONTROL and now has possibly over $8 Billion plus hundreds of billions of dollars in real estate wealth. The Marriage Industry Complex is worth Billions of dollars annually. After the 1500's Protestant Reformation (who preached much from Augustine) that broke away from but is still basically the same as the ROMANcatholicChurch, resulted in extreme splinter groups of guys such as Calvinism and then had even more extremists guys in the Puritans in the mid 1600's to 1700's who used to publicly beat people for having unmarried sex, eventually formed the current right wing Christian Right. The original word Porneia (that was changed to Fornicatio in Latin and Fornication in English) was originally about sex with slaves and pederasty slavery, Porneia was NOT about "pre-marital sex," until the 1600's when the Puritans INCORRECTLY changed the MEANING to their PURITAN definition as "pre-marital sex," thus there is nothing in the original bible against umarried sex between unmarried people. In the New Testament "Paul" and even "Jesus" could "really" be based on Apollonius of Tyana, or Emperor Vespasian or Titus, or a composite of other characters. From especially around 9 AD to the present day has been a marriage monogamy MESS. Even in 2017 may guys still make the decision to get monogamously married upon their own choice. There is tons of intentional marriage propaganda daily, but in the United States in 2017 if you are a man no one is forcing you into a monogamous marriage, as monogamy or non-monogamy is YOUR decision. I choose non-monogamy.
Joe K 2017-05-05 23:53:33
OK- then I am just speaking for myself. For me, I have always had the ability to 'buck up' and turn the 'pursuer' side off, and key in on one woman. Of course - it's blue-balls for the first couple months after committing - but I can and have done it, multiple times. So - 'deep down' - I *did* pull it off, albeit with a hell of a lotta self-deprivation and sacrifice. Yet - there were benefits too, as you acknowledge via conceding that serial monogamy can work for some guys (though I would've made it last 'forever' bc of how I was raised)....So perhaps with me - it has been all the women's fault, but with other men, they will be equally likely to cheat. I dunno. Guess it reflects - again - how I was raised. What is most fascinating to me is to see how being virtuous/ethical is a massive DLV in real life. And it's a DLV marked by hard fuckin' work, requiring sacrifice and discipline. Those 'virtues' were supposed to be valuable. But they are self-destructive. Who knew?
Anubis 2017-05-06 00:12:27
Easy: Don't marry, nor even go near my ex wife. Ever. And commit to staying unmarried until post 45. My younger self had ZERO self-esteem, the product of being super high IQ in the 70s in a tiny rural blue-collar town, and married the first girl (a solid HB3) that showed interest in me at 24. I finally was ready to leave her several years later and of course she got pregnant, so I stuck it out another 8 years and one more kid. All the time she's endlessly harassing me if I so much as look in the direction of another female. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid, Stupid, and I did mention I was stupid? At age 35, the company I was working for was bought and my stock options were suddenly worth $750k. Fast forward 6 years later, and I'm broke and in debt again because my whale of a wife would literally (not making this up, I was shell shocked to beyond beta) physically assault me when I tried to curb her spending. Money about gone, she pulls the "open marriage" card on me, and I get dragged into it out of fear of losing my kids. Of course its open for her, not so much for me. I finally crack and like the damn country song, something breaks in me for the first time and the asshole finally emerges, and I divorce her after executing a year-long plan to get clear of her drama (want to hear my recording of her threatening to tell the cops I'm sexually abusing my kids or any of numerous other threats?). Of course once I'm free, I find out she had been cheating on me the whole time back to before the wedding, while I went over a year without multiple times. No wonder she accused me of cheating all the time. I was the classic super-Poindexter beta chump who didn't know soon enough that he didn't have to be. I say was, because I let the rage at losing so many years power pretty much every decision afterwards. Never-a-fucking-gain is my motto. I believe living well is the best revenge, and I'm working hard on my revenge.
Kevin 2017-05-06 07:10:57
Hey BD, great article. I'm a mid 20's guy so this advice is perfectly timed. Could you elaborate more on your advice to just focus on making income and spending less time on having fun and chasing women?
Blackdragon 2017-05-06 13:33:47
OK- then I am just speaking for myself.Okay, but that isn't what you said in your comment.
For me, I have always had the ability to ‘buck up’ and turn the ‘pursuer’ side off, and key in on one woman.For a while. You can't do that for 20 years. Try it and you'll see.
Money about gone, she pulls the “open marriage” card on me, and I get dragged into it out of fear of losing my kids. Of course its open for her, not so much for me.You should have said "Great!" and then banged a bunch of 22 year-olds and made sure your wife saw pics of a few of them. It would have turned that entire thing around. But yeah, I understand being a beta in a marriage and not having the confidence or ability to do something like that.
Could you elaborate more on your advice to just focus on making income and spending less time on having fun and chasing women?It's very hard to focus on income goals and woman goals at the exact same time. You should choose one, focus on that for a while, then when it's on plate-spinning mode, move to the next. For example, get 1-2 reliable FB's just to get laid every once and a while, then completely stop all dating, stop all pickup, stop thinking about women or girlfriends or marriage, and 100% focus on your business life for 1-3 years. Once your income is at a certain level, then circle back to women at that time.
Jack Outside the Box 2017-05-06 13:37:31
OK- then I am just speaking for myself. For me, I have always had the ability to ‘buck up’ and turn the ‘pursuer’ side off, and key in on one woman. Of course – it’s blue-balls for the first couple months after committing – but I can and have done it, multiple times.You've voluntarily given yourself blue balls multiple times? That's very beta dude.
So – ‘deep down’ – I *did* pull it off, albeit with a hell of a lotta self-deprivation and sacrifice.No wonder your women cheated on you. You've demonstrated a very unattractive personality.
Yet – there were benefits too, as you acknowledge via conceding that serial monogamy can work for some guys (though I would’ve made it last ‘forever’ bc of how I was raised)How you were raised? Ok, so you used to be a humble blue pill beta and you still have the nerve to say that it was the woman's fault for cheating on you? Shame on you.
….So perhaps with me – it has been all the women’s fault,No. It was yours. Women aren't attracted to men exhibiting beta behaviors and attitudes at these extreme Disney levels. Giving yourself blue balls? Believing in Disney mono forever? Sheepishly following "how you were raised" instead of thinking for yourself? All of this screams - "I'm unattractive. Please cheat on me." Don't blame the women. The fault here is exclusively your own. But if it makes you feel any better, even if you would have been the biggest alpha, your women would still have cheated on you, but it just would have taken them longer (because monogamy doesn't work).
but with other men, they will be equally likely to cheat. I dunno. Guess it reflects – again – how I was raised.You were raised with horseshit and you're still clinging to that excuse. Seriously, drop the beta rationalizations! Start raising yourself.
What is most fascinating to me is to see how being virtuous/ethical is a massive DLV in real life.There is nothing virtuous or ethical about monogamy. There is nothing virtuous or ethical about not cheating. In fact, remaining faithful is massively unethical. It represents ownership of another person and being enslaved to a sexual monopoly where competition (and the decency that that competition incentivizes) is abolished. The fact that you're still referring to monogamy as virtuous or ethical tells me that you still have massive problems.
And it’s a DLV marked by hard fuckin’ work, requiring sacrifice and discipline. Those ‘virtues’ were supposed to be valuable. But they are self-destructive. Who knew?That's because they're not virtues. They are unethical vices used to control you.
Jack Outside the Box 2017-05-06 13:46:27
@Anubis: First you say this:
I finally was ready to leave her several years later and of course she got pregnant, so I stuck it out another 8 years and one more kid.Then this:
Of course once I’m free, I find out she had been cheating on me the whole time back to before the wedding, while I went over a year without multiple times.So......what makes you think those kids are yours? Paternity test maybe?
(want to hear my recording of her threatening to tell the cops I’m sexually abusing my kids or any of numerous other threats?).Haha! As an ex-lawyer, I've heard wives and girlfriends threaten to falsely accuse the man of touching the kids just so she can get full custody so many times. But yeah, I'm always up for hearing it again. Upload that shit if you can.
Jack Outside the Box 2017-05-06 13:56:55
BD, why do you keep saying this:
every once and a while,It's "once in a while." Also, could you please approve my comment to "K" on the "pros and cons" thread? Appreciate it.
Blackdragon 2017-05-06 14:12:09
BD, why do you keep saying this: every once and a while, It’s “once in a while.”Thanks Grandma.
Jack Outside the Box 2017-05-06 14:34:36
Thanks Grandma.LOL! Hey, you appreciate it when people correct your typos. So, you're welcome. 🙂
Anubis 2017-05-06 19:07:07
You should have said “Great!” and then banged a bunch of 22 year-olds and made sure your wife saw pics of a few of them. It would have turned that entire thing around. But yeah, I understand being a beta in a marriage and not having the confidence or ability to do something like that.One thing to understand.. and it took me a while to clearly see, was that she was actively manipulating me the whole time, which included the use of physical violence (she was bigger than I was at this point), gaslighting, and other threats up to the mention of the 38 revolver she got from her mother. I'd come to realize later her always accusing me of looking at other women was projection of her cheating. As the sole provider, and a successful one at that with a SAHM, I quickly learned that I was going to be very screwed in court. When I lost my job @$110k/yr a decade ago, I found another one in a city that was 4 hours away by car, so I said "hey, I can get a cheap studio apartment there to stay during the week" and I did. That turned into a 2-bedroom with a garage as I moved all the stuff I cared (I had a good deal relating to work actually) about out of our huge house (~4000 sq ft bought with that windfall money) under the plan to sell it and downsize (because of her burning through the brokerage account plus some bad investments). I sold my one "fun" car and worked on the financial untangling as a prelude to a divorce all the while telling her "no, we'll get a small place in the country, etc, etc..". She was so used to getting her way and having me under her thumb that she did not believe I would divorce her, even when her girl friends said that must be what I was planning. 🙂 The housing bubble was just starting to pop then, and it made things take longer, but I got that albatross off my neck before everything crashed. Anyway, I did start to see other women in the other city, though mostly in their 30s and 40s, but I didn't have nearly the time my ex did because I worked, and spend the weekends with my kids. When I did do something that she didn't feel like she had a plan in arranging (group date: me + 4 ladies, 2 of which I went on to fuck), she went ape-shit bonkers and started the major threats, looking for any kind of leverage to control me. (she never, ever shut up) I didn't need that crap since I hadn't yet filed for divorce, especially with the threats of false accusations and 2 kids under 8 yrs old. So I kept one LTR on the downlow - very happy with how she worked out, btw. I had to learn the hard way to man up. I discovered Leykis during all this (he was still on radio then) and it was one hell of an eye opener and kick in the ass that I needed. I won't deny it, I had to learn in steps and make mistakes along the way, but I mostly killed off that beta chump. @Jack Outside the Box:
So……what makes you think those kids are yours? Paternity test maybe?I DNA tested both kids shortly after the divorce was underway and had the results before it was official. Both mine. I can not understate how important that certainty was.
Haha! As an ex-lawyer, I’ve heard wives and girlfriends threaten to falsely accuse the man of touching the kids just so she can get full custody so many times. But yeah, I’m always up for hearing it again. Upload that shit if you can.I had an app on my Palm OS phone (remember those), that saved the call digitally to an SD card with the time, date, and contact name as the filename. It was awesome. When I shared the first really juicy call with my lawyer, she (yes a woman, but she was a well-connected 'gool-old-gal' in a small county - think Ann Richards in Texas) told me "This is great! If she pull that I can get you out of jail in just a few days!" I was like "Wait? Can't I take it take to the cops and prevent my even going to jail in the first place?" That's when I found that it didn't matter and they were obligated to take me away no matter what, until the investigation was over at minimum. She then went on to tell me about a recent client who was jailed nearly 4 weeks on false charges. The Deluth model and all the fucked up stuff. That's when I changed my strategy into getting as far away from my ex- as possible without tipping my hand. The great recession hit during all this, and decimated my industry in the state. I wound up taking a job on the west coast out of necessity - nearly twice my previous pay vs. unemployment. It absolutely sucks for my kids, but I visited them as much as I could, hitting 50+ overnights in a year. When they are in their 20s I have a stack of (digital mostly) records they are welcome to if they show an interest in knowing what really happened. If you don't have sufficient custody, it's too hard to compete with a narcissistic BPD psycho bitch.
Steve 2017-05-07 02:48:14
What I should of done differently: Separating my finances completely is a great one. Skip college and gain relevant numerous certifications in a technical job with advancement opportunities. Unlearn years of PUA, and instead stop after one year of PUA reading [sure I'll be missing more knowledge but read where I'm getting at]. Create a life of a female 10 as a guy. Aka have hundreds of the opposite sex always be contacting you by text, phone, posts. When you draw crowds into the thousands you've made it. So a celebrity youtuber, or semi but not wholesome famous musician (think of Alison Wunderland) or male model. PUAs argue with me on this but I've seen these half-famous guys get 7 attractive girls at the whim of a text invite. It's less work, you're aware the girls already like you and find you real cool, they are fighting over you.. Come to my event, then head to a party afterwards and we can continue to drink at my hotel and have eat at different restaurants the next day. I would spend my years creating a half-celebrity persona instead of spending years cold approaching complete strangers on the sideway or endless night bars where decent female talent is missing. Find a way to have 3 kids without getting married. I'm cool with paying child support for kids in my future, even 3 of them. But not alimony.
GoodSense 2017-05-07 10:01:23
I heard you say in previous articles about serial monogamy in comment section that laziness always leads to unhappiness. Is it always or most of times? Also what leads to happiness? Another thing. I asked a 25 yr old brown skin complexion good looking female whats the top 3 things she desires in a man, and she said physically decent looking, open-minded, and consistency. Then I asked her if she would be open minded enough to consider an open relationship in future, and she responded saying "relationships are not meant to be open". hahaha made me laugh. Most women have too big of a ego to consider an open relationship it seems especially in United States.
GoodSense 2017-05-07 10:20:32
Adding on to comment above. Isn't outsourcing your work a form of laziness but a lot of business owners do it to free up their personal time to go on more vacations which is a form of laziness right? Also, it seems most people in general women and men have too big of a ego to consider an open relationship here in U.S. Not sure about other countries.
Parade 2017-05-07 11:45:48
Then I asked her if she would be open minded enough to consider an open relationship in future, and she responded saying “relationships are not meant to be open”. hahaha made me laugh. Most women have too big of a ego to consider an open relationship it seems especially in United States.You can't ask that outright until you've known the person for a while and been fucking them. The vast majority of women are going to say 'no' to someone who is effectively a stranger asking them if they'd consider an open relationship. Of course there are exceptions, but you're not likely to find them by asking random people. It's not what they say that matters, but what they do. The vast majority will say 'no way', but will also be entirely fine with it if they actually get into an open relationship with someone who runs it the 'right way'.
Blackdragon 2017-05-07 15:56:49
I heard you say in previous articles about serial monogamy in comment section that laziness always leads to unhappiness. Is it always or most of times?Always, with rare exceptions.
Also what leads to happiness?Freedom and abundance. Read my book.
I asked a 25 yr old brown skin complexion good looking female whats the top 3 things she desires in a man, and she said physically decent looking, open-minded, and consistency. Then I asked her if she would be open minded enough to consider an open relationship in future, and she responded saying “relationships are not meant to be open”. hahaha made me laugh.All women will say that. ASD and SP. That doesn't mean they won't do it. Words and actions are two different things, particularly with women.
Most women have too big of a ego to consider an open relationship it seems especially in United States.Incorrect. I've had mountains of American women in open relationships. Read this.
Isn’t outsourcing your work a form of lazinessNo. It's a productivity enhancement.
a lot of business owners do it to free up their personal time to go on more vacations which is a form of laziness right?No. Going on a vacation every once in a while to recharge from working hard on your Mission not laziness, it's a productivity enhancement. Laziness is sitting around all the time doing nothing. Vacations are a crucial part of your your recreational life. Again, you really need to read my book.
KryptoKate 2017-05-08 18:53:38
@ 2017 FRF Thanks for the history lesson, that was interesting. Monogamy is most definitely invented by men, it's just always been invented by men to apply to OTHER men and to women, not to themselves.
GoodSense 2017-05-09 20:35:52
I actually read your book snd discovered your blog couple weeks ago. It has all been eye opening. Im approaching 30 and kind of glad Im discovering this blog before getting married or creating any kids. My parents have been married for 30+ yrs but I realize we live in different time now with internet and dating apps which makes it so easier to hookup with variety of people. But your blog and book makes me ponder How can you really be happy and have a lot of fun in a monogamous long term situation? I remember author of Sex at Dawn book said that being monogomous is like being a vegetarian because its not natural. I read that book audio style right before yours but had audio version from audible.
GoodSense 2017-05-09 20:41:01
Also yea your book was good focus on freedom and happiness. Would you do audio version of book to put on audible possibly?
Blackdragon 2017-05-09 22:23:32
How can you really be happy and have a lot of fun in a monogamous long term situation?You can't. (Unless both you and your partner dislike sex.)
I remember author of Sex at Dawn book said that being monogomous is like being a vegetarian because its not natural.Yep.
Would you do audio version of book to put on audible possibly?An audio version would be expensive to produce, and I don't see how I could make my money back quickly. I'm not saying I'll never do it; I'm saying it's not very high on my to-do list.
John 2017-06-30 16:16:13
Sideburns 2017-07-03 04:58:24
Having kids any time these days is one of the dumbest things people can do. You'll regret it even if you won't admit it. It's bad for your happiness, everyone else's happiness (including the kids), and a waste of your and the planet's resources. For the same experience, only more worthy, foster (you get paid), adopt, or just be uncle. Anything else is just elitism, SP, or a penis extension (not as fun as a fast car, yet more polluting). See if you can find a good reason, in this handy table: whybreed.pdf
66Scorpio 2017-07-08 08:26:54
BlackPolarBear 2017-09-15 02:53:17
Not sure where else to pose this idea for you BD, but at the beginning of this article you mentioned dieting. So here goes. I read in one of your older posts about your journey to lose weight and get in better shape. I also had an issue trying to get my fat percentage down and look more cut, especially around my mid-section (yay human male genetics!). I tried a myriad of diets and workout plans; none worked, of course. I finally found one that was so easy it was stupid.. Intermittent Fasting. If you've heard of it and haven't tried it, TRY IT. If you haven't heard of it, give it some research, and I'd like to hear your analysis of it. The main benefits of it include better concentration, better mood, increased testosterone levels, body detoxification, and of course, massive amounts of fat loss. I can personally attest to the effectiveness of this method. I started 3 months ago at 230 lbs, and now I'm down to 210, with NO lifestyle change other than my eating routine. I used the website you previously listed to check my BMR and TDEE, and adjusted my caloric intake accordingly. For me, I fast (while drinking water every time I feel hungry) for 20 hours, and then eat 1500 calories within a 4 hour window. I reward myself post-workout at the end of the 20 hour cycle by eating whatever the hell I want, and oh man, breaking a fast with a few pieces of pizza is heavenly. The body is still in fat burning phase at that time, so it really doesn't matter what you eat, so long as it's not in excess. Then my second meal at the end of the 4 hour window is a very healthy high protein meal. That basic strategy has worked wonders for me. If you (a fellow INTJ) think that you are strong-willed enough to go with only water for 20 hours, I'm anxious to see if this could work for you as well. P.S. The body going into "starvation mode" is a huge and overly referenced myth. That's the first thing people always said to me when I started doing this. But the results don't lie.