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You Don’t Need To Date Lots of Women!
-By Caleb Jones
This complaint usually takes one of the following forms:
“I don’t want to date lots of girls. That takes too much time.”
“Blackdragon, your Alpha 2.0 lifestyle is hedonistic. I’m not like that. I don’t need to be banging tons of girls all the time.”
“Blackdragon thinks sex is the most important thing in life. It’s not!”
“I tried Blackdragon’s relationship system, and I fucked tons of girls, and I hated it.”
“You know, not everyone can go out and fuck tons of hot chicks all the time.”
"I'm not going to spend hours a day dating six different women! I have better things to do!"
The incorrect, and frankly stupid implication in the above statements is that I tell men to go out and “fuck a lot of girls.”
I have never said this.
Seriously. Go back through my archive and find where I said you need to fuck a lot of girls, or date a lot of girls. You won't find it, because I've never said it.
Go ahead. Prove me wrong. Go check. It’s okay, I’ll wait.
No! Listen to me very carefully:
“More than one” means two or more. Two is more than one. Two is not “many.” Two women is not “lots of girls.” Two women is not “hedonistic.” Two women is not “tons of chicks.” Two women is not placing sex as the “most important thing in life.” Two women is just two women. If you think two women is “a lot of women,” then with all due respect, you are retarded.
As I’ve said many times, all most men need is one MLTR or OLTR and one FB on the side. That’s just two women. You only need to have sex with the side-FB once every 4-6 weeks. That’s it. That is not a lot of women to have sex with, but it still qualifies as nonmonogamy. As long as you have at least two women, even if the second woman you don’t see that often, then congratulations, you are following my advice.
YOU DONT HAVE TO HAVE SEX WITH LOTS OF WOMEN. YOU DO NOT NEED TO DATE LOTS OF WOMEN. TWO IS ALL YOU NEED.
Got that? I’m about to expand on this idea a little bit, but before I do, I need to make sure you understand what I just said, and don’t forget it.
Hey, I wouldn’t have to be this empathic and repetitive if there weren’t so many guys misinterpreting my advice.
So let me say it one more time:
I have never advocated for men to go out and “fuck lots of girls.” NO WHERE in my blogs or books have I ever said this. I have only advocated for nonmonogamy, which can mean just TWO girls. TWO girls is not a lot. It’s just two.
Okay, now that we’ve cleared that up, I’ll give you a little more detail on my thoughts regarding the number of women you can or should have in your life.
Two women is plenty for a lot of men. However, some men may want more. This is fine. Historically, I’ve been most happy with three women who are at least semi-regular, but that’s just me. While three women is more than two, three women is still not “a lot.” It’s just three. I chose three as my favorite number many years ago for these reasons:
1. It’s manageable. Having more than three women as FB’s or MLTR’s is a decent amount of work, but having three isn’t too bad.
2. It’s reliable. Even if one woman is sick, or unavailable, or does a LSNFTE, I’m still covered with two. This gives me plenty of time to go get a third (usually via resurrecting a woman from my old list).
3. To me, having two women is too close to monogamy. Again, this is just my personal opinion and I’m not recommending a technique here. If I had just two women, and one left, I’d be instantly de facto monogamous, and that’s way too dangerous for both my frame and my sex life. To me, three is better than two since if one leaves, I’m still not in monogamy zone (which women always do eventually, but 94% come back, so it’s not a big deal).
Again though, this “three figure” is just me. Two might be perfectly fine with you. That’s great, go for it!
Also, some of you guys may think two or three women isn’t enough. Maybe you’re a young guy focused on getting laid right now. Maybe you’re an older guy who just got divorced and is super hungry like I was after mine. That’s fine. If you want to date four, five, six, or even more women at a time, that’s fine, go right ahead. Just remember that’s not what I’m recommending. I’m just recommending more than one, which means two or more. The exact number is completely up to you, based on your age, personality, lifestyle, and where you currently are in your life.
On the flip side, I have said before that I think having a goal like “I want to fuck 100 girls” is a little silly. So you bust your ass for several years at the clubs and on Tinder and you fuck 100 girls. Okay, so what? Then what? These notch count goals, so popular with young PUA guys, are unfulfilling, short term objectives that don’t really lead to anything worthwhile, at least in my opinion.
I have never set a goal to fuck X number of women. My goal, so many years ago, was to get laid whenever I wanted, as fast as I wanted (by sending a few texts and that’s it) with attractive women, at least three times a week, without having to promise anyone monogamy, and without having to pay hookers.
I hit that goal many years ago, and now, that condition is a normal and regular part of my life. Once you have two or more FB’s / MLTR’s, and you know how to go get new women relatively quickly, you’re good to go. My point is that there was never any numerical amount of women I needed to have sex with. I just had sex with as many women as I needed in order to hit that goal.
I have said before that if I just had sex with two women for the rest of my life (both of whom never left and never got fat) that would be plenty. I stand by that statement. (The only reason I need pickup skills is that sadly, women tend to eventually either leave or get fat. It's just how they work in the Western world.)
That’s all I need. I think two or three is fine for most men. Two or three isn’t “lots.”
The next time you ever see someone post anywhere on the internet that my system isn’t a good one because I tell men to “fuck lots of girls” or "date lots of girls," hit him over the head with a link to this article. I never said that. I don't believe that. I never will.
I hope you guys get this.
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Kyle 2017-06-05 05:31:45
I have a personal question, a little irrelevant with this article. If I am not mistaken, you have said that you had to hard next a woman only once or twice. What about the girls that got fat? Don't you hard next them, as being fat is unacceptable for you in a woman? In addition, 94% return rate is for the first time. Have you ever had women that didn't want to come back again after the second LSNFTE? If so, I guess that you run out of resurrecting women, in the long haul.
Sean 2017-06-05 06:05:59
Two is one, one is none, three is for me 🙂
FiveSix 2017-06-05 08:15:05
After having a good string of one night stands, I realized how unfulfilling it is, and think there are two types of guys complaining: 1.) Guys who are also realizing this, and instead of blaming themselves for not seeing this coming, they gotta blame it on someone. 2.) Guys who don't believe they can have ONS or multiple partners, and need to be angry (somewhow) at people who do it, or disown the possibility. Either way, it's an ego issue.
joelsuf 2017-06-05 09:15:39
These notch count goals, so popular with young PUA guys, are unfulfilling, short term objectives that don’t really lead to anything worthwhile, at least in my opinion.This requires a little bit of context. If you are an older person then its childish, immature, and not indicative of good relationship skills. In many ways the "notch count" is an act of closet homosexuality, as many who are my age (30s) use it to fight off any possible homosexual urges they might have. Just a theory, really. But if you are younger you need to gain experience no matter who you are. You won't be a good partner if you don't have experience because you'll still catch feelings fast, and you'll still place tons of pressure on the opposite sex because your inexperience puts pressure on you. My magic number is 10. In order to have confidence with the opposite sex you should: -Have had sex with at least 10 different people (of different sizes and attractiveness levels to see what is comfortable for you). The average number of chicks that a man has been with in his lifetime is like 5, which explains why men won't stop simping. At least chicks understand this and instead of indirectly using men for emotional gain (which is what most inexperienced men to do women), they directly use men for personal gain. At least they are honest. -Be able to have sex with the same person at least 10 times. No one knows how to do this it seems lol. I myself am working on it. At the moment, I've had sex with my current gf 5 times but I've only been with her for a month or so. There exist couples who have been together for YEARS who haven't hit this number these days and you can tell who they are. Its sad. This goes for pretty much any sex and even any orientation.
Blackdragon 2017-06-05 09:22:45
If I am not mistaken, you have said that you had to hard next a woman only once or twice. What about the girls that got fat? Don’t you hard next them, as being fat is unacceptable for you in a woman?Hard nexting is when you take a woman you are actively seeing instantly stop seeing her. I've never hard nexted a woman for getting fat, since no woman has gotten fat while I was seeing her (gained weight, yes, gotten fat, no). If a woman is fat, I just won't bother to resurrect her from my roster of exes if I see on her social media pages that she's clearly become fat. (Again, not gained weight, but become fat, because there's a difference.) This is pretty rare but it has happened (twice, based on my memory).
In addition, 94% return rate is for the first time. Have you ever had women that didn’t want to come back again after the second LSNFTE?Yes but it's rare. I've had a few not return after the third or fourth LSFNTE though.
If so, I guess that you run out of resurrecting women, in the long haul.That would only be the case is 100% of women did that, and so far, in 10 years, I have not seen this. Only some do, not 100%. Now if you're talking about, say, 25 years, than perhaps that's true, but I don't have that data yet. I guess you'll have to check in with me in 15 years. (I think there will still be a handful of sporadic, off-and-on again women around in 15 years, but I guess we'll have to see.)
After having a good string of one night stands, I realized how unfulfilling it is, and think there are two types of guys complaining: 1.) Guys who are also realizing this, and instead of blaming themselves for not seeing this coming, they gotta blame it on someone. 2.) Guys who don’t believe they can have ONS or multiple partners, and need to be angry (somewhow) at people who do it, or disown the possibility. Either way, it’s an ego issue.That's probably accurate, yes. I've also noticed a lot of monogamy-defenders purposely mischaracterize my advice for similar reasons. It's hard to demonize a guy who recommends only having sex with two women. Much easier to paint me as some kind of mad PUA guy who advises fucking "tons of chicks all the time," even though that isn't the case.
UK_Player 2017-06-05 09:26:27
joelsuf In many ways the “notch count” is an act of closet homosexuality, as many who are my age (30s) use it to fight off any possible homosexual urges they might have. Just a theory, really. I'm sure you don't really believe the insane comment you just made. Guy's that go for high notch counts are usually just high sex drive men who like variety and like the accomplishment of it, and it is good for their ego and it is great fun doing it. But after a while most men would be better off moving into Blackdragons strategy which is more sustainable longer term. This is what I have done.
Blackdragon 2017-06-05 09:27:32
But if you are younger you need to gain experience no matter who you are.Correct, but I never see guys talking about fucking 10 or 20 or 30 girls as a goal. I see guys talking about 100 and similar. That's dumb.
You won’t be a good partner if you don’t have experience because you’ll still catch feelings fast, and you’ll still place tons of pressure on the opposite sex because your inexperience puts pressure on you.Incorrect. Experienced Alpha 1.0's who have banged lots of girls get oneitis just like betas do (and often when they do, it's worse). I've talked about this before. Oneitis has more to do with self-awareness and lifestyle management than it does how many women you've fucked.
Be able to have sex with the same person at least 10 times. No one knows how to do this it seems lol.I do. 76% of all women I have sex with have sex with me over a prolonged period of months or years. It's not that hard if you utilize the correct EFA and correct system (which standard PUA doesn't teach, since it's more focused on "getting the lay" and notch counts). Having one night stands is horrible, horrible time management.
FiveSix 2017-06-05 10:43:44
In many ways the “notch count” is an act of closet homosexuality, as many who are my age (30s) use it to fight off any possible homosexual urges they might have. Just a theory, really.LOL! What?! Oh ok, it's just a theory, you know... like Special Relativity or Evolution.
Roberto 2017-06-05 11:42:33
After having a good string of one night stands, I realized how unfulfilling it is, and think there are two types of guys complainingI agree that a sex life that consisted solely or largely of one-night stands would indeed be unfulfilling (not to mention, almost always, an inefficient use of time). But I find the occasional ONS to be enjoyable (pace BD) and it's also good to know that I can have sex with a women that I don't know and have no expectations of seeing again (and vice versa). I've had four this year, all of which were fun (and three of which were when I was away for work; local colleagues are often a good source of knowledge here). That said, ONS do sometimes lead to further hook-ups.
In many ways the “notch count” is an act of closet homosexuality, as many who are my age (30s) use it to fight off any possible homosexual urges they might have. Just a theory, really.I'm pretty sure that's a generalisation that isn't true in many/most cases. Can't be proved of course one way or the other, but for me and other guys I know who do/have done that, it's more a matter of variety, the feel-good factor of bedding lots of women, and the enjoyment and variety that it brings. I accept though that what seems good when you're twenty or thirty might not seem so much fun when you're fifty or sixty.
E batches 2017-06-05 12:29:23
Learned this one the hard way during go time. Thank you for this post.
Duke Royal Davis 2017-06-05 12:54:26
Thank You!!! Finally! I do semi-open triads and Vs, yet this is almost always translated into screwing a thousand women a minute. It isn't. The reason I say "semi-open" is because I like two to three women in rotation and at that point, I don't care if they want to see other people but I don't. Three women on a regular basis is taxing.
FiveSix 2017-06-05 14:36:07
But I find the occasional ONS to be enjoyable (pace BD) and it’s also good to know that I can have sex with a women that I don’t know and have no expectations of seeing again (and vice versa).I'll agree with you there. I'm not a zen master, so even if I find it unfulfilling, it doesn't stop me from having them (outside of my hometown at least). I'm still a "thrill of the hunt" guy.
Shanghai_bobby 2017-06-05 15:10:21
Hiya BD, Just playing devil's advocate here. Whilst you didn't say you needed 'lots' specifically. You did mention that 2 is closer to 1, and that is risk of drama/neediness, hence one should have at least 3 to be comfortable or drama free, according to you. You then go on to say that when you were younger, you had 4 regulars on the go at one point, and another 4- 6 as backups. Sometimes, implications are even more explicit than stating a clear cut answer, because people's minds/imaginations do funny things. Cheers, SB
Jack Outside the Box 2017-06-05 17:42:15
In many ways the “notch count” is an act of closet homosexuality, as many who are my age (30s) use it to fight off any possible homosexual urges they might have. Just a theory, really.As a "pleasure of sex" man who thinks that one night stands are stupid, it's not often that I defend my "thrill of the hunt" brothers, but I will in this case, because your "closet homosexual" conspiracy theory is REALLY getting out of hand at this point. First you came for the MGTOWs with this theory and I didn't speak up because I'm not a MGTOW. Plus, I hate those sex-hating pussies and think that your theory has some truth in their case. Next you came for the "thrill of the hunt" men with your closet gay theory and I thought about holding my tongue yet again because I'm not TOTH. But dammit Joelsuf, my girlfriend is (or at least was) a TOTH woman, or as tradcons would call her, a "slut" (or as you would call her - a closet lesbian) and, quite frankly, this needs to stop. There are men in this world who lead sexual lifestyles that you disagree with who, at the same time, are perfectly straight. TOTH men are a fine example of this "not Joelsuf but still straight" phenomenon. I assure you, sir: this phenomenon exists! It may be a peculiar phenomenon to you, but it's real. We are real. We breathe, we eat, and we fuck, just like you, while at the same time, having no desire to suck dick, have dicks rammed in our asses, or ram other men's asses with our dicks. In a previous thread, you came dangerously close to calling me a beta or a pussy because I fell in love with (or as you call it, "caught feelings for") my girlfriend. And now her and I are going to have a baby together. You claimed that a real alpha has casual sex with women only, thus implying that men like BD and myself are weak pussies. But you stopped short of implying that BD and I are desperately fighting the urge to suck each other's dicks by seeking emotional companionship from females instead! And it's good that you stopped short there. But my question Joelsuf is, who will be next? Which perfectly heterosexual lifestyle that you disagree with will you insult next by dropping the "closeted gay" theory on? It's tired dude. Your "secret gay" theory is very tired, and at this point you are showing some social justice tendencies, since those morons love assigning "secretly gay" status to anyone whom they disagree with on anything. Closeted gay men themselves love doing that too as a form of psychological projection. Not that I'm accusing you of being a closeted gay guy (although your "could this person be gay" constant awareness is getting creepy). Please, before you accuse me of overcompensating here, and thus fighting the urge to stick your cock in my ass via misdirection, I ask you to let this theory go for now, because it's becoming one note and really try hard as you start to see secret homosexuality everywhere in a world where it is no longer secret or shameful. Thanks in advance Jack Outside the Box (but not outside the straight box; outside the blue pill box - you got that, right?) 🙂 P.S. If you are not Joelsuf, but still straight, please add your voice if you feel it's necessary. It's important that we all stand together and show Joelsuf that we exist. I stand for "Not Joelsuf but still Straight" rights. Do you?
Nick 2017-06-05 18:23:59
@Jack outside the box. If Joelsuf sees gay everywhere then his mental point of origin is what? Anyways I don't know all the terms and lingo here but I think I get the concept. I for one did tons of one night stands from 16- 28 with two one year plus relationships in there. 28-34 I kept the same two women around without serious commitment and once in awhile find another to have around. I'm like you and am soon to be a dad so I've calmed down at 35 to be a great father. For the guys who don't know how to fuck the same woman ten times, you got to be aggressive in the sack. All women that have sex are sluts and crave a firm hand around their neck, ass slapping, hair pulling,dirty talk...It's not a hard concept. Yes and I said all women that includes our moms and sisters....Watch what they say ,watch,and read without them realizing it and you'll get it. Just remember this pull out the damn cherry popsicle before it melts or it will be an extra sticky morning.
joelsuf 2017-06-05 19:55:39
I’m sure you don’t really believe the insane comment you just made.I do, but its just some observation so don't take it too seriously. Take a good look at PUA instructors and how effeminate they act. Among hundreds of instructors there are like two that actually understand what it means to be masculine. And they know who they are targeting. Read this.
First you came for the MGTOWs with this theory and I didn’t speak up because I’m not a MGTOW. Plus, I hate those sex-hating pussies and think that your theory has some truth in their case.Good. Now what you need to understand is that PUAism is very similar. I'm not attacking TOTH people, I'm attacking PUAs who overvalue notch counts and who preach the importance of it. There is a difference. Supposed heterosexual men who measure their self worth by how many chicks they have supposedly had sex with are trying to "prove" that they aren't gay. Again, this is just some wild theory I have. Do not take it seriously. According to BD's description, TOTH people just enjoy short term relationships. They don't measure their self worth based on notch counts.
Tri 2017-06-05 20:00:26
BD, You say you want sex 3 times a week. Go back to before your OLTR and you say you prefer 1 MLTR and 1-2 FBs on the side, perhaps including one back up. If you see these FB only sporadically, every 4 weeks or so, then how can you possibly maintain your thrice a week goal without seeing any of the girls more than once a week? It doesn't quite add up, especially if you advocate a 2 girl system, where one is only seen every few weeks. If I also have a high sex drive, and would like sex 3 times a week, then aren't you really indicating I would require AT LEAST 3 to reach my goal while maintaining the once a week rule. Surely this would be 3+ to cater for redundancy. Cheers.
joelsuf 2017-06-05 20:09:18
I never see guys talking about fucking 10 or 20 or 30 girls as a goal. I see guys talking about 100 and similar. That’s dumb.I agree. My "goal" is whatever twice the average partners that men have and that's always been my goal. So 10-20 is my goal. I'd welcome more but its certainly not necessary. I'd rather have sex with the same chick 10 times than have sex with 10 different chicks at this point. But that's because I have experience now. That "100 and similar" number to me is just to impress other men. Which is what leads me to my hunch in my original arguments.
Gil Galad 2017-06-05 21:02:27
Supposed heterosexual men who measure their self worth by how many chicks they have supposedly had sex with are trying to “prove” that they aren’t gay.@Joelsuf: well here's the thing: being mildly obsessed about proving you're not gay, especially for someone whose behavior hasn't been significantly modified by the whole "intellectualization" of those things, might be instinctual. Because it makes a lot of evolutionary sense. Hell, the very fact that "you're gay" is a potent insult against a straight guy also makes evolutionary sense. So I might say "Yeah, they're trying to prove they aren't gay, and you know what ? it's stupid, but it doesn't mean they're gay." In sexual selection, any stray factor lends itself to being repurposed by evolution to serve as yet another measuring stick; the fact we have mustaches (which are virtually useless for survival) is probably one example; "approach anxiety" and how men unequally deal with it may be another. The whole "I wanna prove I'm not gay" thing may be just another measuring stick; it's just that more clueless men tend to overdo it with very dumb "displays of non-gayness" instead of just standing there, being masculine and unphazed by accusations about their orientation. And it's "double-layered" sexual selection because while straight males need to signal they're not gay, they must also jump the OI hurdle of showing they aren't that worried about that, because supposedly it's obvious that they're straight. In short, to me this is one more example of something evolutionary being mistaken for something psychoanalytical - goes to show how much damage old Freud has done (not to say his stuff is devoid of insights of course). Remember that "rationally pursuing your personal happiness and not caring about impressing anyone else or racking numbers" is not our default wiring at all, because we're not wired for happiness: becoming happy is a hacking procedure. But I get that you don't mean those things very seriously; however the reactions you're starting to get aren't surprising and, come on, you know you're generalizing waaaaay too much. In fact, even low-T men can still be straight. Unmasculine, whiny, petty, skinny-fat - but still with heterosexual urges.
Harry Flashman 2017-06-06 05:00:10
This post seems to have brought out the crazies.
FD 2017-06-06 05:39:53
Seriously. Go back through my archiveand find where I said you need to fuck a lot of girls, or date a lot of girls. You won’t find it, because I’ve never said it.*Ahem* https://blackdragonblog.com/2011/09/27/dont-screen-women-instead-categorize/ : "Fuck a lot of girls first. Then worry about your fantasy dream girl. (Actually, if you’re fucking lots of girls, that dream girl will come to you. More on this in a minute.)"
joelsuf 2017-06-06 08:51:12
“Fuck a lot of girls first. Then worry about your fantasy dream girl. (Actually, if you’re fucking lots of girls, that dream girl will come to you. More on this in a minute.)”By "a lot" BD doesn't mean "make sure to have a notch count in the triple digits or say good bye to your man cards." "A lot" means more than the average in BD's case.
you know you’re generalizing waaaaay too much.I'm talking in particular about PUA networks and its fanboys really, not those who enjoy casual sex in general. I would also get on my soapbox about how college is now shaming men and boys for being heterosexual, but JOTB is better at doing that than me and that subject has been beaten to death as it is. My specialty is dragging PUAism through the mud, seeing as I have had used their materials in the past, and PUAism today is nothing like it was in the past. I feel like this is worth mentioning and discussing. This article explains it much better than I could, specifically item #4. I don't dislike LGBTs I just dislike how they want to use the same tactics used against them back in the day against heterosexual people.
Blackdragon 2017-06-06 10:09:24
*Ahem*Dammit, that one was so old that I forgot about it. You got me. Granted though, that was six years ago, and it was in the context of guys who don't fuck enough girls (getting oneitis for one quickly and "screening"), and I never said you had to regularly date lots of girls as FB's or MLTR's as a lifestyle, and I wasn't implying you had to fuck 50 or 100 women or whatever. But yeah, I should have been more careful with my challenge.
You say you want sex 3 times a week.Want, and usually have. Yes.
Go back to before your OLTR and you say you prefer 1 MLTR and 1-2 FBs on the side, perhaps including one back up. If you see these FB only sporadically, every 4 weeks or so, then how can you possibly maintain your thrice a week goal without seeing any of the girls more than once a week?1. You can fuck a MLTR multiple times a week as long as you only see her once a week. For example, I've had MLTR's where she spent the night with me every Tuesday. So sex with her Tuesday, sex with her again Wednesday, I don't see her again until the following week (following the once a week rule; as I've said, that's once per calendar week, not once every 7 days) then (for example) have sex on sex Friday with a FB. Sex three times. As always, sexual variety isn't my objective (though I admit it's a nice byproduct of my system); consistent sexual frequency is. 2. If I wanted sex three times a week, then yes, one FB on the side that I only saw sporadically once a month wouldn't satisfy me sexually if I didn't have an OLTR.
It doesn’t quite add up, especially if you advocate a 2 girl system, where one is only seen every few weeks.Go back and re-read the article. I'm advocating a 2 girl system for other men, not for me. For me (not for other men, but for me), yes, if I don't have an OLTR, I need at least 3 women who are pretty consistent. But most men don't have the sex drive that I do and are probably fine with 2.
If I also have a high sex drive, and would like sex 3 times a week, then aren’t you really indicating I would require AT LEAST 3 to reach my goal while maintaining the once a week rule.If you don't want an OLTR whom you can see more than once a week, or a high-end MLTR who you can spend the night every week (providing you with sex multiple times instead of just once), then you're correct. You'll need at least 3 women if you want to get laid thee times a week. As I've said many times, men with higher sex drives need to work a little harder than "normal" men in their woman-life.
SAO 2017-06-06 15:27:28
Most people who try to rack up a large number of "notch counts" are doing it for validation. I feel these 2 links by Aaron Sleazy explain it well: http://aaronsleazy.blogspot.com/2013/07/sex-as-exercise-in-seeking-validation.html http://aaronsleazy.blogspot.com/2013/06/who-came-up-with-sex-is-greatest-thing.html
Marty 2017-06-06 19:22:21
Most people who try to rack up a large number of “notch counts” are doing it for validation.I don't agree. To me this is a classic version of guy slut shaming SP. Trying to make guys feel like they are immature or whatever because they want to have sex with multiple girls. Women and mainstream group think love to use this one on guys. I think most guys would have sex with a lot more women if it was easy to get ones that were hot to them. The reality is its not easy and takes a bucket load of work an effort. So even guys who like it, often settle for less and more regular in order to save time and effort. Like all things there are different levels to it all. Low, med, high sex drive guys. Guys that like more variety than others etc etc. There may be some guys who need validation this way just like some girls are sleeping around for psychological reasons but I don't reckon that is the majority. Sex with new women is fun! Why is that so hard for people to acknowledge. To me a lot of the high notch count guys are just guys who like sleeping with new women all the time and are willing to put in the effort to make it happen. Their enjoyment of it is high enough to justify the reward for effort. Some of these guys get to the point where the reward for effort starts to trail off and they "settle down" a bit. But some don't. Like everything in life, some people are lazy and won't put in the effort. Some will. The fact there are SO many guys out there going to hookers, to me, is a pretty good indication that guys just like sleeping with new women. Not much validation in paying for it. But guys still do it and lots of them enjoy it. And most of them would do it a LOT more if they had the money.
SAO 2017-06-07 00:46:03
I don’t agree. To me this is a classic version of guy slut shaming SP. Trying to make guys feel like they are immature or whatever because they want to have sex with multiple girls. Women and mainstream group think love to use this one on guys.I'm not slut-shaming men. In fact,as a man myself,I am in full support that men should be free to have sex with whoever they want and not be pressured into commitment.
I think most guys would have sex with a lot more women if it was easy to get ones that were hot to them. The reality is its not easy and takes a bucket load of work an effort.Yes,if getting women was as easy as jacking off to porn or going to a prostitute,you would be right. but as you yourself have said,it isn't. It is a ton of work,and while it may be exciting/fun in the short-term(and I would even say that pick-up skills are important to have in your arsenal,for many obvious reasons),continuously going out with the sole intention of getting laid,ESPECIALLY on a daily/regular basis,is a losing preposition in the long term. You mentioned hookers,I suggest you read this: http://lifestylejourney.blogspot.com/2011/10/paying-for-sex-is-more-alpha-than-using.html Oh yeah,here are more posts by Aaron Sleazy(and this is all coming from someone who was once a high notch count guy) discussing this issue: http://blog.aaronsleazy.com/index.php/2016/10/23/the-plummeting-price-of-pussy/ http://blog.aaronsleazy.com/index.php/2016/10/23/would-you-bother-with-women-if-prostitution-was-legal-and-very-cheap/ http://blog.aaronsleazy.com/index.php/2016/10/21/the-time-cost-of-women/ Of course,none of this is aimed at BD's system,which is actually pretty reasonable,but this is aimed towards your more typical PUA.
Heteronormative Norman 2017-06-07 12:04:10
Hehe. Not me. I've ALWAYS wanted to fuck tons of hot women. And it's because I was a pathetic dork with no social skills in highschool. My mother used to play mind games too, and my mother sister was a huge bitch. So I want validation. I want to feel like I belong with hot women. That's it's no privilege. It's my due. Whatever it takes to make that happen for me. Now that I know women actively and consciously work against that ideal, I'm one step closer to putting it in stone. I want to throw it all in the faces of the people who always had something better to do than piss away their youth with me. You don't even have to be nice to women or men. It seems to be literally all about getting the ball rolling and keeping it rolling.
johnnybegood 2017-06-07 13:05:46
Hi BD -- This is perhaps a bit unrelated but --- speaking of dating lots of women -- I have a few of your core ebooks, and you give the generally wise advice to keep a date under $11 or something like that, generally a drink for you, drink for her. ... I live in downtown Chicago. And the logic that 'most women won't order food if you don't/ at a bar, cause they don't want to seem like a fat pig' has not borne out in reality. In fact, maybe due to the time I usually schedule dates (maybe 6, 6.30, or 7) for what I call 'afterwork drinks' --- it seems like most women DO attempt to order food, or at least ask about it. Yeah --- really hurts the 'try to spend as little as possible' thing. Which I agree with -- if only about 3-4 out of 10 girls out on a date I'll ever have sex with, that's quite some money to burn. Maybe I just need to schedule 9 o'clock dates.
Parade 2017-06-07 15:23:38
And the logic that ‘most women won’t order food if you don’t/ at a bar... I'd say about half the women I go out with on a first date at a bar ask about food. My answer is usually that I'm not hungry and then continuing to talk about something else. Sometimes she'll order food on her own, sometimes she won't. I only pay for it if it's a SDD thing or if I'm hungry and getting myself something and she's just sharing some of it. It doesn't seem to change anything. If you're getting it frequently are you sure you're not going over the 1ish hour time limit for the date?
Blackdragon 2017-06-07 16:38:31
I live in downtown Chicago. And the logic that ‘most women won’t order food if you don’t/ at a bar, cause they don’t want to seem like a fat pig’ has not borne out in reality.This is true in most cities, but not all. Cities with stronger women are indeed going to have more women who order food on first bar dates. Solutions: 1. Have later dates, well after dinner time, as you suggested (after 8pm or 9pm). 2. When it's clear she wants food, encourage her to order something simple, like a cheese plate, not a full-on meal. 3. Do NOT order any food yourself and refuse to eat any of hers. Clearly show that SHE is the one who wants the food and SHE will be eating the food, not you. Many times women will want to order food but push you to "want" some too because they're embarrassed to be the only one eating. "If I get some pot stickers will you have some too?" Tell her you're really full because you just ate at work, or you're on a really strict diet (usually true in my case), and nicely say no.
Daniel 2017-06-08 19:45:49
I have to say, I still find it a little surprising just how horrified you are of this "de facto monogamy" BD. You talk as though something terrible and out of your control would occur if you didn't have sex with other women every few weeks. Although I am very surprised to see you say it only "needs" to be every 4-6 weeks, I thought it "needed" to be a lot more frequent than that. You have the skills necessary that you can get a new woman (or resurrect an old one) in only a matter of a few days, so why so concerned about the possibility of an FB dropping out and leaving you "monogamous"? For that matter, I find it hard to believe that you couldn't, at this point, maintain your frame. Is it REALLY that "dangerous"? I just can't imagine myself ever falling prey to the Beta oneitis drama-prone nonsense again, and I don't really feel like hooking up with extra girls is the reason for that. I can see it was necessary to get me into the frame and skillset I have now, but it seems unnecessary now. I currently have three FB's and two MLTRs one of whom I'm considering making an OLTR. And frankly, I have sex with the FB's kind of like taking my vitamins. I do it because doctor BD said it's healthy, but for some reason I don't have full conviction.
Marty 2017-06-08 19:55:44
Is it REALLY that “dangerous”? I just can’t imagine myself ever falling prey to the Beta oneitis drama-prone nonsense again, and I don’t really feel like hooking up with extra girls is the reason for that. I can see it was necessary to get me into the frame and skillset I have now, but it seems unnecessary now.I think if you look at BD's stuff closely its more to do with the girl than you. If you have an OLTR and she starts to realize you are de facto monogamous it will instantly trigger all the usual SP girlfriend feelings in her. She won't be able to help feeling like monogamy is a possibility. And the drama will begin, even if you are still trying to hold frame.
Blackdragon 2017-06-08 20:29:33
You talk as though something terrible and out of your control would occur if you didn’t have sex with other women every few weeks.Several bad things would occur: 1. As Marty said, SHE would start to feel that she had you by the balls. And she'd probably be right. 2. You would start becoming accustomed to only fucking one woman. This would make it harder for you to get off your ass and go get more, both emotionally and logistically. 3. Because of items 1 and 2, drama and betaziation would increase. If don't think drama and/or betaization is "terrible" or "dangerous," then by all means feel free to ignore my advice and be monogamous for a while and see what happens. All I know is that I've seen literally hundreds of men in my email go through this, and the results don't make them happy.
Although I am very surprised to see you say it only “needs” to be every 4-6 weeks, I thought it “needed” to be a lot more frequent than that.Again, it needs to be more frequent for me. It doesn't need to for most other men. 4-6 weeks is fine for most guys with normal levels of sex drive. That does not describe me.
I just can’t imagine myself ever falling prey to the Beta oneitis drama-prone nonsense again, and I don’t really feel like hooking up with extra girls is the reason for that.Of course you don't think that. Many other men have said those exact same words, and nearly all of them ended up with problems once they went monogamous. Not immediately, but eventually. And I will repeat, a lot of this is about her changes in behavior if you go mono, not you. But again, if you want to be de facto monogamous, go right ahead. It's your life. I know how it will end up, but if you need it demonstrated for yourself, go for it.
I have sex with the FB’s kind of like taking my vitamins. I do it because doctor BD said it’s healthy, but for some reason I don’t have full conviction.That is a horrible reason to have sex with a FB and if you're really only doing it for that reason, you should next all of your FB's immediately and go get one or two new ones who are much better-looking and/or better in bed so you can enjoy having sex with them. You should only fuck FB's because you enjoy it, not because a guy on the internet said you have to, even if that guy is me. And if you say that you literally don't want to fuck ANY other women besides your current favorite, even if you found a FB who is a personal 9 or 10 to you, then you know what my response is to that. (That you're lying to yourself to justify either laziness or oneitis.)
Captain 2017-06-09 14:11:52
I currently don't have any fbs on the side but I travel at least every two months and sometimes for long periods of time. When I'm away from my OLTR I hook up quite a bit and she occasionally hooks up too. For example, when the moon and the stars and the sun and the planets and the weather and the seasons and her hormones all align and she meets a 6'2 athletic alpha who says all the right things at exactly the right moments and touches her in just the right way, then she will hook up, IF she is turned on enough. Both of us get pretty jealous when we are in the same city so for us this is an arrangement that is working for now. I realize it might not for ever but thankfully we are also both flexible. I used to have a couple of local FBs but they LSNEFTed me and I have actually been much happier with the current arrangement. I get variety and our jealousy is kept to a minimum.
roger 2017-06-12 20:01:38
Good that you clarified this. So many can see that this system can be for them.
roger 2017-06-12 21:23:21
Incorrect. Experienced Alpha 1.0’s who have banged lots of girls get oneitis just like betas do (and often when they do, it’s worse). I’ve talked about this before. Oneitis has more to do with self-awareness and lifestyle management than it does how many women you’ve fucked.Yep, they think they have found "The One" TM, a Unicorn. And oneitis takes over their mind, all logic reasoning vanish until after the breakup where they wonder what the hell happened to me? Some don't learn, and keep repeating. Some simply label the all of the opposite sex as horrible, and go on to be bitter (feminani's, MGTOW). Few wake up to reality, that there is no unicorn, that relationships are temporary; if you get past 2 years you're lucky - but the end is nigh.
September Skye 2017-06-26 03:18:53
@joelsuf: Holy shit, you have really internalized the media propaganda. "If you don't like our in-your-face homosexual campaigning that means you're actually homosexual! Nyah nyah, I win!"
This requires a little bit of context. If you are an older person then its childish, immature, and not indicative of good relationship skills. In many ways the “notch count” is an act of closet homosexuality, as many who are my age (30s) use it to fight off any possible homosexual urges they might have. Just a theory, really.Hey joelsuf, if you spout anti-conservative statements that means you are a closet conservative. Just a theory.
September Skye 2017-06-26 04:02:17
@Marty: Good post! And I will link to it hoping that more will read it: https://blackdragonblog.com/2017/06/05/dont-need-date-lots-women/#comment-315744 You're right, sex with many women is fun, and why is that so hard for people to acknowledge? So many are busy with acting above-it-all, even in the manosphere. Someone noted elsewhere, "It has become popular among PUA gurus to act above it all, that they are 'tired of the game'. Not me. The game is still fun." Something like that. But yes, everyone knows that you can get tired of everything, and EVERYTHING has diminishing returns in time. Everything in life gets to a point where the effort isn't worth the reward anymore, at least not for the moment. Which doesn't take away from the fact that it is fun. I will not be afraid to say it. Even though I am in a relationship now, which is when so many will put on an air of being "wiser than the single guys who don't yet see what I see." And no, this doesn't mean you have to make an effort to sleep with a certain number. Or that you have to "dedicate your life" to it. Or anything like that. Sometimes the discussions in the manosphere are between people who both know the same things, but one guy likes to act like the other guy doesn't think of factors X and Y even though they're just so obvious that the other guy didn't bother to mention them.
Marty 2017-06-26 07:18:31
Thanks Skye. Seems people love to complicate things sometimes and make up reasons to justify their own biases. But the simple answer is often more correct. My GF thought after we had sex with lots of girls I would get over it, slow down and not want to keep finding new girls. Took a little bit of explaining but now she realizes that is never going to happen. While I love fucking her I'm always going to want to find another new girl to fuck as well. Just because I like it! I don't need it. I have sex with her every day anyhow. I just like it! I like exercising and being fit, drinking beer, eating steak, listening to live rock bands, riding motorbikes and fast cars, sitting on my deck looking at the view and I love fucking a new hot girl that I haven't fucked before! Simple as that! 🙂 The older I get the more at peace I've become with just accepting what I like and letting everything else go. Makes for a much happier life!
Andrew 2017-07-11 22:59:34
Rightly said - Sex is NOT the most important thing in life.
joelsuf 2017-07-12 15:32:04
Hey joelsuf, if you spout anti-conservative statements that means you are a closet conservative. Just a theory.That's beyond proven itself. Progressives today act eerily similar to religious collectives in centuries past. Same strategy, different cause.
“If you don’t like our in-your-face homosexual campaigning that means you’re actually homosexual! Nyah nyah, I win!”I wouldn't say this kind of thing if I didn't believe it. Anyone who feels "threatened" by LGBTs are very suspect. Answering collectivism with collectivism is still a feminine trait, no? And yes, being overly concerned with laycount is closet homosexual behavior. Comparing yourself to others is again a feminine trait. This article explains it a little more than I can: http://strengthbysonny.com/2015/09/06/the-pua-industry-revealed-part-iv-what-the-pua-industry-knows-about-you/