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Cougar Game For Younger Guys
We’ve talked a lot about how older men can date younger women, so it’s only fair to address the reverse, which I do indeed get asked about regularly; how do younger guys score with older cougars?No problem, I’m here to help. I happen to be an expert on this. In my 20’s, I dated nothing but much older women and was reasonably successful at it, at least for the clueless beta I was back then. Both the woman I lost my virginity to and the woman I married back then were older women, plus a few I dated in-between (as I’ve talked about in My History With Women Series), so I can speak with some authority on this. In addition, I have observed many, many older women get into FB relationships with much younger men. So let’s do this.
-By Caleb Jones
Foremost of those exceptions is the decently attractive younger man (as well under age 30) who clearly has zero provider potential. In other words, the 40 year-old man trying to have sex with the 37 year-old woman on the second date is going to get a self-righteous, huffy and puffy lecture about “how to treat a lady” and how she’s “not a whore” and how it’s “too soon,” but the next day, she’ll happily fuck the 23 year-old pool boy or the cute college student who works in the mail room, neither of whom has ever taken her out on a date or has spent even one penny on her.
If you call her out on this blatant unfairness, her answer will be that since she wasn’t “dating” that younger guy, it was okay to have sex with him fast. But this is woman language and is thus, incorrect. The English translation is this:
“Because my ASD, Societal Programming, and Provider Hunter desires are all so high, I can’t have sex with a man unless he’s my boyfriend or is trying to be my boyfriend by taking me out on dates, and a man can’t be my boyfriend (or try to be one) if he isn’t a good provider. This means he makes a decent amount of money, is decently responsible, is reasonably intelligent, is at least my age or older, and treats me like "a lady." But! A man who is cute, very young, dumb, and clearly has no money can’t ever be my boyfriend, so he doesn’t fall into any of those categories. Therefore, it is okay not only for me to fuck him, but fuck him very quickly and as much as I want with no other expectations from him. It’s a loophole in my system. Sorry. That's just the way it is.”
So there you have it. So you'll have to exploit her loophole in order to get into her hole. You do that by becoming the man she just described: cute, young, dumb, and who clearly doesn’t have any money. If you’re a younger guy and want to get to sex fast with women over 30, you need to be that guy, or at least act like him.I can’t do this. I’m in my 40’s and I’m clearly successful even if I try to hide it (women can smell it on me; they’re very good at this), so if I try to get to sex fast with many women over 33, I’m going to be successful with a few of the exceptions to the rule, but the vast majority of them are going to give me a headache while they rattle off their irrational ASD excuses as to why they can't have sex with me "yet."
This is why I focus on women under 33 whenever I can; not because I like them better (I love women in their 30's and 40's) but because the meet-to-sex times are much, much faster with younger women, and I don't have time to fart around.However, if you’re in your 20’s, this may not apply to you, and you may be able to score with these cougars very fast. Here’s how:
1. Play up the “young dumb guy” aspect. Look young. Act young. Act naïve. Way back when I was younger and dating older women, I found that I was actually more successful with them when I clearly showed how naïve I was and how inexperienced I was. Cougars are predisposed to like younger men, so the more you act like a younger man, the more successful you’ll be. A lot of younger guys try to act older when approaching older women; this is a mistake. Act young. Hell, act younger than you are. Obviously you can’t take this too far and act retarded, but you know what I mean.
2. Don’t dress nice. Look like you have no money. Don’t dress up in nice shirts, slacks, suits, or whatever. Feel free to do that with women your own age, but if you’re a younger guy going after older women, this is a mistake. Just dress in jeans, a decent T-shirt, normal shoes, and a normal coat. Again, look the part. Even if you make $80,000 a year, look like you make about $20,000 or less. Or even better, that you're unemployed. I'm not making a joke here; I'm very serious. This is a careful dance because you have to dress down, but you can’t look shitty. If you look downright crappy, then older women will avoid you. Just dress “normal” (not nice, but normal) but make sure you’re clean.
3. Wear good cologne. Older women love cologne in ways younger women don’t even notice. Don't ask me why. They just do.
4. Don’t try to act cool. Dial down the player shit. Read this article here and pay very close attention to it. Generally speaking (and yes, there are exceptions to this), older women attracted to much younger men generally do not want some kind of cool, badass, confident player/Alpha. Instead, they want the nice, clean-cut, hardworking boy next door who is home doing his homework while the Alphas are out getting drunk. Over-33 women, cougars included, tend to be Dominants, and Dominants don't like confident Alpha Males (those women are offended by these kinds of men). Opposites attract.
Listen to what I'm saying though: I’m not saying they want a beta or an introverted nerd either. No, no, no. That won’t get you laid either. The frame you should have is that of a high-end beta male on this chart. Not a nerd, but not a cool guy either. Just a nice, cute, boy next door. That will cast the widest net and has the highest odds of success with the most amount of cougars.
5. Be nice. Don’t over-game Cougars and don’t try to be a badass. Be nice. Don’t be a pussy, but be nice. Again, err on the side of beta rather than Alpha without going too far into beta-nerd zone. This is one of the very rare times when being a little beta can actually help you get laid. A good-looking younger guy who clearly has no money, dresses like it, who is fun to talk to, and doesn’t come off like a player douchebag will absolutely clean up with cougars. How and where do you meet cougars if you’re a younger guy? The best answer, by far, is social circle game. Get out into the world and get involved in activities where women in their 30’s and 40’s congregate. Make lots of friends and meet friends of friends. Meet your parent's friends (yes, I'm serious). Use Meetup.com if you have to.
Online dating can work, but it’s honestly not the best way to go for this kind of thing. Daygame or night game would be better (though I know nothing about night game), but seriously, if you really want to make this work, you need to get very good at social circle game. If you follow all the above advice, you won’t have to meet too many Cougars to be successful at this.
Lastly, since I know I’m going to get questions about this, what about you guys in your early 30’s who look like you’re in your 20’s? It’s much less likely to work even if you look young, unless you lie. I don’t lie to women, so that’s a decision you need to make on your own. Younger guy game is really a playground for men in their 20’s. Once you’re over 30 and certainly over 35, you’re in a different world (Don’t worry, you can always go the other direction and do sugar daddy game or younger woman game if you want. Hey, if it’s “sexually liberating” for women to have sex with younger guys, it’s the same for us when we have sex with younger women, right? Fair is fair, ladies.)
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Joe 2018-01-18 06:23:41
Very fun topic to read up on today BD! Reminds me of my younger days! When I was 23 and jacked. I hooked up with new 2 cougars each month, mostly through night game & social circle (I was living in Houston, where there are WAY more men than women). You are 100% spot on with your point about being nice and not acting like a player. My 2 cents extra on this concept is that women over 30 who are still hot have been hot for 10+ years and they have already dated, been in relationships, and often been cheated on by alpha/player types of men their age. <-- This knowledge led me to consistently get the easiest pussy in my life (up to that time) and yes, I found cougars to be much easier than college girls I went to school with. Another reason as to why I actually preferred older women when I was young(er) is they have way more sex drive than young girls. This isn't hard science, but I've read studies that concluded women's sex drive peaks at 33 and men's sex drive peaks at 15! Keep the fun & helpful articles coming BD. Always a pleasure to read your work!
89yjkhjsd 2018-01-18 08:53:06
Over-33 women, cougars included, tend to be Dominants, and Dominants don’t like confident Alpha Males (those women are offended by these kinds of men). Opposites attract.Heartiste, Illimitable Men, and others say that every woman unconscious wish is to submit to a "more powerful" (= better at power plays, at the least) men. You are in disagreement with them on this point. I really don't know. I have the impression that they are right. And dominants act domineeringly only because they like you that much. If you go above "that much," they'll switch to submissive mode. Then, if you aren't a celebrity and want a quick lay, your advice is right even if you are wrong on this point.
Magok 2018-01-18 08:59:07
Nice article, I'll add that in any social hobby you can find girls of different ages. For example I used to dance salsa and I dance Tango now. Most people start dancing at late 20's and early 30's. I got in a short relationship with a woman 8 years older than me. And I Agree with what BD says . Other social circles can be trekking groups (a friend told me wonders of these groups), charities or non governmental groups, drama and improvising workshops, etc.
Chris Stevenson 2018-01-18 09:19:10
this is such a fun topic. one thing that it will do for a man is raise his standards off the charts. when i played this game it just kind of happened and honestly wish that i did it more. either it is a selection effect or just that they must work harder at it, but they were always much more attractive and relationship pleasing than younger females. in my area many of the younger females were fat and disgusting with equal personalities. the few good ones were off the charts bitch. the older ones were actually better people. honestly, a few actually ruined me for putting up with drama (not that I would anyway), bad sex, bad bodies, mediocre food, demands, demands, ASD, whatever. i was actually hard working, becoming successful and dressed kind of sharp. had what you might call an MLTR with two of them quite openly actually wondering if it would ever haunt me as i was well known in the community through business success. did not give a shit and it never happened, seems like no one ever noticed to an extent that mattered. if asked why i did it or how a man should, they have to be beautiful by any age standard; you will regret otherwise. you should also learn about her as it will teach you how and why she is desirable so that you can apply to other females in your future. you get free learning while having fun. a good takeaway is that whenever i am challenged by others (male and female) as to why i have high standards for a woman's health, weight, attractiveness, work ethic, etc., i often cite these females with whom i had affairs. one was significantly older and had an amazing body. this should not be a man's only sexual outlet, but can definitely be fun and an easy learning experience. for some it is an easy introduction to casual, no strings attached sex. they often want the best for you and actually encourage you to also go for younger quality girls. one actually went out with me and checked out a girl that i was interested in and was all excited about me having her. BD's points are spot-on. you really do not have to try that hard with this group, just don't get addicted and forget about the younger ones.
TheRealCurtis 2018-01-18 10:07:49
As a 42 year old male, what if I just made me a t-shirt that said I'm a big kid at heart and just wanna have fun. Or it could say "No Drama Zone". Something silly & humorous. Basically, I'm advertising to the world I'm not serious disney relationship material at that moment and just wanna get laid and have fun tonight. Just like them. Surely this would increase the odds of success for us 40 year olds a little. Be a good conversation item at minimum. Lol. Yeah I'm gonna test this out sometime... Can I get some one phrase ideas I can print on tshirts guys?
The New Yorker 2018-01-18 10:26:28
Nice, clean cut, hardworking, cute looking young guy? Asian dudes are born for this! I wonder how long an Asian pretty boy can pull off the “young guy look.” Until 30, 35, or 40? Any other Asian guys here who can comment on cougar game?
Blackdragon 2018-01-18 10:45:03
You are 100% spot on with your point about being nice and not acting like a player. My 2 cents extra on this concept is that women over 30 who are still hot have been hot for 10+ years and they have already dated, been in relationships, and often been cheated on by alpha/player types of men their age. <– This knowledge led me to consistently get the easiest pussy in my life (up to that time) and yes, I found cougars to be much easier than college girls I went to school with.Good point and I absolutely agree. This is why, in many cases, it's actually easier to get into an OLTR (not MLTR, but OLTR) with women over 30... because they already know monogamy doesn't work. They've personally experienced it failing over and over again, whereas a lot of younger women are still under the delusion that it might with some future Prince Charming.
Keep the fun & helpful articles coming BD. Always a pleasure to read your work!Glad to help!
Heartiste, Illimitable Men, and others say that every woman unconscious wish is to submit to a “more powerful” (= better at power plays, at the least) men. You are in disagreement with them on this point.No I'm not. I'm in complete agreement, but the issue is irrelevant. As I've talked about before, women over 33 have such high ASD that they will still refuse to have sex with you even when they're very attracted to you. I've talked before about over 33 women who I tried to have sex with on the second date, and they adamantly said no, but then ran right home and immediately masturbated while thinking of me and texting me all about it. Unlike a lot of other Manosphere guys, I deal in the realm of practical advice. In that vein, it doesn't matter what women are attracted to. It only matters what actually gets them to take their clothes off within 3-4 hours of face time and allow your penis inside them. If a hot woman is very attracted to me but is still refusing sex after several hours, I'm not interested and I'm moving on.
BD’s points are spot-on. you really do not have to try that hard with this group, just don’t get addicted and forget about the younger ones.Or you can just do what I did; focus on hot over-30 when you're a young beta, and as you become more old/experienced/Alpha, add in the younger ones too, for a nice big party. 🙂
Nice, clean cut, hardworking, cute looking young guy? Asian dudes are born for this!Yes, but I would add that those Asian guys need some muscle, as I explained here. The typical "skinny Asian guy" look isn't very attractive to most white women (and a lot of Asian women, I might add), but the Asian guy with some muscles does very well.
JJ 2018-01-18 10:48:59
It ain't a loophole. Women have 2 primary sexual imperatives and men have one. Women will fuck a guy primarily : A) Because he is a fuckable guy OR B) Because he is a potential provider male She will want to date the second guy but, for the first one, dating is not necessary.
TheRealCurtis 2018-01-18 10:55:10
@JJ Are you serious? Women are all the time having double standards for things they wil not do with me yet because they "love" me. Then they will get mad and run to the bar and do those exact things with complete strangers they don't love. Now, if your a man, would you rather be the guy she loved or the one she did not love?
Steve 2018-01-18 11:14:40
I guess it's got something to do with how the milf views guys in their early 20s versus her own age. With men her age it's more; ugh let's get it over with, uck here's what you want. Now the option to get pregnant by you, then extort you for money, and more money should you make increasing amounts every year. The older you get, the more money you should make, the more she'll try to extort. And she'll use the police and judge to help her. Now early 20s guys who are banging early 20s girls. In the milf's head my guess is she's wondering; can I compete with these early 20s girls? idk I do have tits and ass that are starting to sag, little extra belly from having kids. do young guys want to do me or am I old? idk but it'll be a self-esteem booster should she succeed. And the option to get pregnant by a 20 year old guy as the husband is unheard of. She knows she'll have to wait a decade before you ever have any assets for her to extort from you. The police and judge won't be chasing some 20 yr old dude whose taken out a student loan as he's likely still in college, for some monthly child support. I've never seen it in society.
Tom 2018-01-18 12:22:06
I think it differs from person to person. I've bang one 59 years old considered cougar she cooks good meal for me, we banged on 2nd meeting met her at daygame. She's so fun, old woman but inside heart is behaving like a 19 year old party girl, but will be matured at times. Every tease, flirting with her just feels damn clicked (or maybe she's a narcissistic trying to make think so...acting in certain way)
Blackdragon 2018-01-18 12:35:03
A) Because he is a fuckable guy OR B) Because he is a potential provider maleCorrect, and the problem with over-33 women is that if he's B, he can't be A, even if she's sexually attracted to him. But if you're a younger guy, you don't have that problem. Thus the loophole.
I think it differs from person to person. I’ve bang one 59 years old considered cougar she cooks good meal for me, we banged on 2nd meeting met her at daygame.There are always exceptions to every rule, and the exception proves the rule. I've had sex with a few over-33's on the second date too; they were the exceptions. Doesn't change a thing I'm saying.
Duke 2018-01-18 12:45:46
Can I get some one phrase ideas I can print on tshirts guys?Tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes.
TheRealCurtis 2018-01-18 12:49:48
Love it. Gonna order that! Time to go look immature now lol... Thanks so much!
JudoJohn 2018-01-18 13:40:31
BD's in line with Ben Franklin. Here are the reasons why younger men should choose older mistresses: 1) Better conversation; 2) They match the diminution of beauty with an increase in utility; 3) No children; 4) They are more prudent; 5) Gravity affects what's below later than what's above; 6) It's less of a sin than defiling a virgin; 7) They are DTF; and 8) They are so grateful!
Chris Stevenson 2018-01-18 16:36:08
Benny Hill, the British comedian had a song with the lines, "Give me an older woman every time. They don't yell and they don't tell and they're grateful as hell."
Berti 2018-01-18 18:40:20
I have never had any problem hooking up with Milfs, the youngest was 38, the oldest well over 50. I have actually never had a date with either one of them, it basically happened either the same night I met them or after the 2nd meeting. I usually meet them through daygame, simple small talk situations and then I go straight to the point and tell them that I finde them hot, sexy etc. I once met a brazilian cougar at a supermarket - later she gave me a handjob in a street corner before I fucked her the same night at her place, while her boyfriend was at work, at least that what she told me. The most money I ever spend on them was when I hooked up the very first time with a milf. I bought a cheap bottle of wine, like $5 and that was it. The easiest nationalities that I have had sex with were polish, russians, asian, german and other european women I love cougars
KryptoKate 2018-01-18 21:00:03
BD, your advice on this one is spot on, but can you please use a less puke worthy photo!? Seriously that photo is nasty (not in a good way). And she looks about 60, not 40. BTW, I know this is OT for this post, but let me just tell you...your live in situation with PF is going to get much worse before it gets better. I (probably stupidly) let my boyfriend break me down and move in almost a year ago. It took a good 6 to 9 months before my brain and body chemistry finally accepted it. I have had years living by myself and for months I was VERY ANNOYED at him being in my space, being here all the time, watching his stupid shows and sports on TV, just basic lifestyle and territoriality annoyance. I had to demand several times that he leave and go camping for the weekend just to get some goddamn time to myself. There are SO many small irritations and annoyances...honestly it is annoying to me that I now have to close the bathroom door when I use it, which I never did before. It's annoying to coordinate wake up and sleep times and meals and whocis hungry for what when and what are we going to watch in TV etc etc, the list of things to disagree on is neverending. And we have separate bathrooms a king size bed and in fact don't even keep our clothes or dressing area the same, all our personal grooming/dressing spaces are separate. It is still really rough when you have independent people who don't get lonely and who DO get annoyed when things aren't the way they like them. That said, I've finally gotten used it. But it wasnt a month long adjustment period, it took at least 6 months. For me. He was fine with it from the beginning but he doesnt mind drama and noise and I do. I'm definitely not happier than I was before, and there is way more drama and way less sex, but it's fine and no longer actively irritated me. I'm not unhappy...probably like 10% to 15% less happy than before whereas the first couple months I was MUCH less happy. I think there is actually a hormonal and neuronal rewiring that has to take place when you have gotten used to exercising total control over your environment and suddenly have to give some of that control up. The only definite plus is financially. He pays me rent so I now have an extra bunch of money that I can use as "fun money" for investments and speculative buys like MJX. So I've been telling myself that watching my investment account balance go up is worth a corresponding slught decline in personal happiness. But IMO if it isn't for the financial benefit aspect of combining households, there is literally zero reason for anyone to live with a romantic partner. Increased intimacy, less loneliness or whatever BS other people come up with is just that: BS. It should only ever be a financial move. And honestly once he's able to afford an equally nice place on his own I expect we will live separately again bc it's just not that great and definitely kills the romance.
KryptoKate 2018-01-18 21:11:18
P.s. Again sorry for posting this on the wrong thread. See now that he is here all the goddamn time I never have time to myself to peruse a site I like and comment leisurely, lol. The cougar shit is right on. Be sweet cute naive nice fun appreciative and not at all a real boyfriend prospect and she will go for it. Oh and also don't act like you're going to tell anyone. With a cougar your job is to be a fun distraction from her normal stressful life, good lay, and an ego boost, nothing more or less. She may want to show you off to her girlfriends but probably not beyond that, and you should definitely keep it discrete unless she initiates trying to show you off as her boytoy. If you're lucky, she may even try to pass you around to her friends so they can all try you out. ? Seen that happen before. Also in any city, there are specific bars where they hang out (they don't want to have to stand directly next to their younger competition and so generally stay away from the "young" joints) where a young guy can basically go in and clean up super easily.
Alex C 2018-01-19 00:28:40
Kate, would you say the man you live with is a man without a mission/goals? How come you chose to let him move in with you if you love your own space so much? And great stuff BD re cougars, this is something I don't actually have much experience with but will give it a go in the future. There's just not a major incentive right now as I love younger women haha!
Izzy 2018-01-19 03:51:08
Hey BD, This article couldn't have been posted at a more convenient time as I have a drink date with a cougar next week. I had two questions regarding this particular situation. Does the loophole you describe still apply if the cougar knows youre on am education path that will get you a higher paying career than the one the cougar is in currently? Do you still plash the dumb,young angle? 2. I know you espouse the 2 date rule,but in this situation would you try to get to sex on the first date or still wait until date 2? Thanks for the great content, look forward to your answer
JudoJohn 2018-01-19 08:31:02
OK let's pump the brakes here a bit. BD, please correct me if I'm wrong, but there's no such thing as a cougar for men our age (I'm 45, I think the same as you, within a year at most). The term cougar depends on the age delta between the man and woman. A smoking hot 45 y/o woman would be a cougar to a man under 30 (really under 25), but to me/us she would be something different. @Kate, to agree with this piece is to agree that for guys like me, physically fit and financially/emotionally secure, women our age are next to impossible. The whole fucking point is that they'll put out for the good looking younger loser but put up impossibly high barriers for guys like me, who are functionally about the same as the good looking younger losers (since I am just as much of a Provider as they are.....but because I could be a Provider, the dance continues.....and yes, I'm more fit than most men half my age....and I agree, the headline pic right now is hideous). All that said.....I'm interested in techniques for whoring myself out to the country club set. For 2018, I'm more interested in getting better at pulling younger women into MLTR/FB relationships, so that will be my focus. Still, I declined the offer from a rich older woman when I was in my late 30's, and it was a good thing, I had a frame of Jello. These days it would be game on. It seems like after getting 2-3 younger MLTR's/FB's going, it would be fun to be "educated arm candy" to women who can afford way more than I ever will.
Blackdragon 2018-01-19 13:51:43
Does the loophole you describe still apply if the cougar knows youre on am education path that will get you a higher paying career than the one the cougar is in currently?Absolutely. Everyone knows college students are poor.
Do you still plash the dumb,young angle?Yes!
I know you espouse the 2 date rule,but in this situation would you try to get to sex on the first date or still wait until date 2?I never recommend planning on going for sex on the first date before the first date has even occurred (unless you're paying her for sex). The only time you should go for sex on the first date is when you're already on the first date and it's 100% obvious that she's ready to fuck you right that minute (which does happen sometimes, but not noirmally). Otherwise, wait for the 2nd date.
BD, please correct me if I’m wrong, but there’s no such thing as a cougar for men our age (I’m 45, I think the same as you, within a year at most).Correct. We are too old to do cougar game. We can have sex with women in their 40's and 50's obviously, but that's different. If you're asking if a 45 year-old guy can run "cougar game" on a woman who is 60, no. You're younger than her, but you're not a "younger man." (And for the record, I have had sex with women in their 50's when I was in my 30's. It still wasn't cougar game.)
Blackdragon 2018-01-19 13:54:29
BD, your advice on this one is spot on, but can you please use a less puke worthy photo!? Seriously that photo is nasty (not in a good way). And she looks about 60, not 40.Even if she was 60, or even 70, I'd hit it and enjoy it thoroughly. Think like a man, Kate, not a woman.
BTW, I know this is OT for this post, but let me just tell you…your live in situation with PF is going to get much worse before it gets better.I'm not discussing that in this thread because it's too off-topic, but a recurring theme of people who say PF and I aren't going to "work" (or have major problems) is: "It didn't work for me, so it probably won't work for you." Clearly you can see the numerous problems with that logic.
ninio 2018-01-19 15:39:59
can virgins exploit this loophole?
Lovergirl 2018-01-19 16:13:12
I don’t get the if you’re 45 and she’s 60 then it’s not a cougar thing- that doesn’t make any sense. If I, at 41, were to sleep with this 31 year old guy that I know wants to go there with me (but I’m his boss so I haven’t) then I would consider myself a cougar. That’s a big age difference.
KryptoKate 2018-01-19 16:38:45
Ok, sorry BD but I wasn't actually saying you were going to fail but just simply that the adjustment process may take a little longer than you think. That's all. On not "young" but younger guys doing this, I think the thing to keep in mind here is that the whole reason that for women it is "okay" with a way younger guy but not one who is just a little younger is bc hooking up with a guy where there is zero chance of a relationship is ego protection for the woman. She doesn't have to worry about being eventually rejected by someone who is entirely out of the realm of possibility for a relationship in the first place. So you see, by being so young and non appropriate that she wouldn't want you as a real boyfriend (even though she's totally attracted to you), it means she doesn't have to worry about being used only for sex and rejected for a relationship by the guy. Bc she's already dismissed the notion of more so there's no rejection going on. That's what it comes down to. Everyone hates being rejected but I think women actually fear it and work through the possibilities and therefore they avoid men who might reject them. Whereas a lot of guys don't worry about rejection and in fact stretch far out of their league to take a chance, and then just get pissed when it happens. So if you're not quite young enough to be in the category of someone she can pre reject by never considering a relationship, you just have to do something else to out yourself in that category. Though I don't really know what that would be. Something that puts you in the absolutely unrelationshipable category without being either a loser or someone who will judge her and reject her. Honestly I think the JOTB/BD type of technique if making it clear you love and appreciate and don't judge or look down on women but absolutely cannot and will never be monogamous is the best bet.
KryptoKate 2018-01-19 16:58:26
@ Alex, like I said, he broke me down. Started off long distance and he didn't want it to continue that way as the travel was too expensive and he wanted more time together. And at first it was supposed to be temporary and he just kept turning up the heat on the proverbial pot and claiming my house as his own. It's what people do I guess. Not making excuses, I let him. No, he is definitely not directionless or missionless he is the opposite. The reason I let him is bc I thought he was the best guy I would ever get, and he is an awesome guy and honestly friends and family may never have forgiven me if I drove him away. And he wanted to live together. I didn't. I gave in. He's more traditional than me. Everything in life is a trade off, you can't have things perfect and anything with another human requires compromise. I am still happy, though like I said I would rather live apart. He doesn't and I'm not ready to break up over it at this point. Honestly I'm just kind of a super extreme person with how much I like to keep control of my life and not share it, and how little I like chaos, he is definitely WAY more normal than me and being forced out of my comfort zone arguably is good for me even if I don't always like it. Or not, who knows. Bottom line is that at a certain age and experience level you kind of know when you meet someone who is way better than anyone else you're ever going to get, and to let someone like that walk away for any reason (such as refusal to compromise) is very difficult to justify.
Blackdragon 2018-01-19 18:45:17
can virgins exploit this loophole?Yes, but as a virgin any approach will be difficult unless you pay for it, since virgins can't/won't sexually escalate (that's why they're virgins). I would actually tell the older woman you are a virgin, and want your first time to be "special" and that you've "chosen" her and that you want her to "teach" you. Lots of older cougars will be very flattered by that and actually go for it.
I don’t get the if you’re 45 and she’s 60 then it’s not a cougar thing- that doesn’t make any sense. If I, at 41, were to sleep with this 31 year old guy that I know wants to go there with me (but I’m his boss so I haven’t) then I would consider myself a cougar.Cougars fuck young men, not younger men. I know that sounds the same but there's a clear difference. You would consider yourself a cougar with a 31 year old man because a 31 year old man could still be considered a "young man" (at least these days). But a 45 year old man isn't a "young man" by any measurement whatsoever, even if he looks "good for his age." So a 60 year old woman fucking a 45 year old man isn't fucking a young man; she's fucking a younger man. Fucking a younger man doesn't make you a cougar, and the dynamic is different. Look me in the eye and tell me there isn't a huge difference between dating/fucking a 31 year-old man (the modern day version) and a 45 year-old man. There is.
Ok, sorry BD but I wasn’t actually saying you were going to fail but just simply that the adjustment process may take a little longer than you think. That’s all.I don't really have an expectation on the time frame the "adjustment" period and never have.
Lovergirl 2018-01-19 19:13:17
There is a huge difference to ME because a 45 yr old man is older than me and a 31 yr old one is way younger. If I was 65, I would still feel like a cougar with a 45 yr old man, because compared to him I would be really old. Honestly, I’m usually not that attracted to men that are much younger than me. This guy that works for me though is just super cute and he’s such a gentleman. ALL the older ladies like him haha. Even this over 60 yr old woman just thinks he’s the sweetest thing. He’s such a flirt but he’s non-threatening, which I guess is what you need to be to attract older women. Not that he’s some wimpy beta guy or anything. He was a firefighter and played football and he’s manly and all that. He even told me he used to get in fights all the time. I also get the feeling he would be dominant in bed but he’s not aggressive towards women, just very smooth.
Jack Outside the Box 2018-01-20 02:27:41
BD, your advice on this one is spot on, but can you please use a less puke worthy photo!? Seriously that photo is nasty (not in a good way). And she looks about 60, not 40.I can't say much for the face. But I would absolutely put my dick in between those tits and cum on that face in order to make it glisten, thus improving its appearance. Always look for constructive solutions.
I’m definitely not happier than I was before, and there is way more drama and way less sex, but it’s fine and no longer actively irritated me.Are you at least getting some on the side? Please say yes!
And honestly once he’s able to afford an equally nice place on his own I expect we will live separately again bc it’s just not that great and definitely kills the romance.This is so true, which is why my girlfriend is actually moving out. It was her decision (largely for the reasons that you stated), but I have come around to agreeing with it. We never had any major fights or anything. Two of her fuck buddies were annoyed that I was there while they were having sex with her, even if I was in a totally different room of the house, and I lost one potential fuck buddy because she felt awkward screwing a guy when his girlfriend was at home. But those were minor logistical inconveniences. What she really didn't like was sleeping next to me (apparently, I toss and turn a lot and sometimes grind my teeth), and not having enough breathing room in general, due largely to all of those little things that defy description that you alluded to. So she said she's moving out precisely because she does not want this to lead to a break up. So I guess she's saving our relationship. You would, no doubt, agree. And no, I'm not trying to rub it in. 🙂
Jack Outside the Box 2018-01-20 02:55:17
If you’re lucky, she may even try to pass you around to her friends so they can all try you out.Oh, she doesn't have to be a cougar for that. I have had group sex with virtually all of my girlfriend's female friends who are in her inner circle. But I never had sex with any of them on an individual (one-on-one) basis, except one. This girl was in a "don't ask, don't tell" relationship with her boyfriend. When she expressed interest in having sex with me individually and not in a group event, she told me that her and her sister have had a rule ever since junior high that they would always share their men with each other a minimum of one time. She has never had sex with a man whom her sister hasn't done it with too, at least once, and vice versa. So she and her sister (who are only two years apart) share all of their men, which means their partner counts are identical, not just in terms of numbers, but in terms of the exact same men. This means she's not even allowed, under this rule, to have a one night stand with a random stranger, unless her sister can somehow fuck him too (at least once). So the reason she started sleeping with me individually and not just in a threesome, group event, or whatever with my girlfriend is because she had to reconnect with me so that she could introduce me to her sister (who is monogamously married, but only cheats to satisfy this rule), so I can fuck her at least once. This led to her and I sleeping together regularly until she finally introduced me to the sister, who I fucked once. Afterwards, the sister said that she can't fuck me again because "I'm married and don't want to betray my husband," but she offered to introduce me to her friends who might like to fuck me, which is what led to that one potential fuck buddy who ended up not sleeping with me because she felt awkward due to my girlfriend. I've learned not to venture too far from my girl's poly circle because the further away I get, the more mainstream the women become. Fuck that! My point is that men being passed around within female social circles is more common than most men think, and it has absolutely nothing to do with cougars (at least not inherently). You just have to project a completely non-monogamous vibe, be a master of discretion (very important), and show (not tell) yourself to be extremely open minded about sex and sexuality.
Captain 2018-01-20 13:30:43
The cougar game Blackdragon is talking about applies to cougars in the United States and probably other anglo countries as well. Outside the Anglosphere this stuff is usually not applicable.
Captain 2018-01-20 13:38:24
How to hook up with over 33 year old women in 2 dates if you are over 35... Be tall. Meet over 33 year old women who are from out of town, preferably international. Be in the top 99% for looks and body for your age. Don't be too rich or successful but don't be a bum either. Involve alcohol on the 2nd date. Go to multiple venues. Let her pay when she offers (after the first date). And yes, Blackdragon it will still take more hours than with a younger women.
Blackdragon 2018-01-20 14:56:18
The cougar game Blackdragon is talking about applies to cougars in the United States and probably other anglo countries as well. Outside the Anglosphere this stuff is usually not applicable.Most everything I say on this blog applies to the Western world only, as I've said many times, correct.
And yes, Blackdragon it will still take more hours than with a younger women.And that's why I'll pass.
joelsuf 2018-01-21 04:26:53
BD’s in line with Ben Franklin.Well any libertarian would be. Franklin was the prototypical Libertarian. Getting back to this, I've had lots of success with 35+ chicks even though I'm in my 30s and not as successful as many other men in their 30s. I do agree that when dealing with 33+s, you gotta dial down the player nonsense, or be like 2% player at most. In most cases, just being friendly, mature and cool works pretty well.
Jack Outside the Box 2018-01-21 13:23:43
6) It’s less of a sin than defiling a virgin;???????????????
Marty 2018-01-21 14:14:32
1) Better conversation;This is rubbish. Middle aged women can be some of the most annoying people in the world to talk to. Depends on the girl. Age has nothing to do with it. If fact in my experience as women age and life takes its toll their propensity to become wingers goes up exponentially. (Not to be sexist this also happens with men.)
6) It’s less of a sin than defiling a virgin;Are you sure you're on the right blog??
David 2018-01-21 17:43:56
Im 34, and I feel like theres some kind of ten year rule. Women 10 years younger dig me. Women 10 years older dig me. Women closer to my age have ridiculous expectations. Its literally insane, even hearing my platonic female friends my age talk about men. They'll criticize a guy and flake on him for being TOO wealthy, hansome, tall, perfect, etc. Its crazy how dumb they are at that age. Maybe its the "wall" transition setting in, or hormones, or me specifially. My two cents on cougars older an me: socially, they seem to enjoy telling me how succesful or smart they are. Sexually, they want to get fucking demolished and fucked harder than a jackhammer. In the morning tho, I am surprised by the clinginess. 3 times in the last couple years with 3 different cougars, they thought I was going to try a relationship with them and were pretty butthurt. It seems the younger women were better at cutting the cord in my experience.
Roberto 2018-01-22 18:54:04
It’s less of a sin than defiling a virginWhen was the last time you "defiled" a virgin? I haven't fucked a virgin since I was a teenager. Speaking of which, I had relationships with a number of older women when I was in my late teens and 20, 21. Some of these relationships were fleeting, most were a bit longer, two or three went on for some time, but almost all of them were "drama-free" (to use BD's term) and good fun (for me certainly and I think for them too). But now (26) I don't hook up with older women much, if at all. This is not a conscious decision on my part, but it doesn't arise. I can only assume that these women looked on me at 19 or 20 as a young male body and a good fuck (one worth trying, anyway) but that somehow doesn't exactly apply now, from their point of view, that I'm a bit older, paid well, etc etc (though still in good shape physically).
Genghis Khan 2018-01-23 17:49:23
Hey BD! long time reader I discovered your blog when I was 18 (2 yrs ago im currently 20 and 1/2 ) I am very blessed and thankful i have spread your blog to my friends they love it as well, you also converted me to a rooshv traditional wife thinker bs to a OLTR Biology PoV to women like you have You have also converted me from a die hard trump supporter to a individualist and libertarian type of guy I love this article BD please make more like these in the future, I had a serious question I need your help on my situation, I love Older women and cougars to (pref age 30s and 40s no more ) I cant do social scene game in my situation I already make money I have a business where I go to peoples homes and do quotes/estimates for residential painting with my own company I am indeed good looking and in decent shape (mini 4 pack without shirt nothing special but im not skinny and def not fat slob) How can i meet these older women? See 2 concerns here 1) Im in no social circles , i might check out the meetup events but i have exactly no ties to any social circles (im in a mid sized city in california about 500k people) 2) Even though I talk and dress like a good looking younger immature 20yr old , finicially im actually pretty well off lol Im talking way better than most people my age lets just say i make 75k a year at 20yrs old You said these women can smell if I make money but its best to be look poor? so will it hurt me if i truthfully tell them I have a business that does ok for me ( I also have wealthy parents they dont help me finicially anymore im independent now, good choice i traded finicially support for my own freedom i can do whatever i want now) so with my business question should i tell the truth but just talk/dress more like a good looking immature HM style guy? Also how the hell am I suppose to meet these women lol, will online dating be my best resort for this obviouslly it wasnt ur first recomendation but for me will this be my best option if i have some good looking pictures which i do ! Thank you BD <3333
Genghis Khan 2018-01-23 17:56:05
When was the last time you “defiled” a virgin? I haven’t fucked a virgin since I was a teenager. Speaking of which, I had relationships with a number of older women when I was in my late teens and 20, 21. Some of these relationships were fleeting, most were a bit longer, two or three went on for some time, but almost all of them were “drama-free” (to use BD’s term) and good fun (for me certainly and I think for them too). But now (26) I don’t hook up with older women much, if at all. This is not a conscious decision on my part, but it doesn’t arise. I can only assume that these women looked on me at 19 or 20 as a young male body and a good fuck (one worth trying, anyway) but that somehow doesn’t exactly apply now, from their point of view, that I’m a bit older, paid well, etc etc (though still in good shape physically).Hey bro I Personally deflowered alot of 18-19 yr old girls keep in mind I am 20 yrs old, its opposite i sometimes dislike these virigns they are cute but so boring in bed they dont know how to move and sexy talk etc Im craving a older more milfy/cougar but sexy looking with experience and can take me for a ride and teach me some things Plus if they are clean tested and already had their kids past kids age I dont have to use a condom anymore lol
Blackdragon 2018-01-23 23:49:45
Hey BD! long time reader I discovered your blog when I was 18 (2 yrs ago im currently 20 and 1/2 ) I am very blessed and thankful i have spread your blog to my friends they love it as well, you also converted me to a rooshv traditional wife thinker bs to a OLTR Biology PoV to women like you have You have also converted me from a die hard trump supporter to a individualist and libertarian type of guyI'm shocked, but welcome to a more rational thought process!
Im in no social circlesYou have the power to change that if you wish.
i might check out the meetup events but i have exactly no ties to any social circlesDo it.
(im in a mid sized city in california about 500k people)That is your biggest problem. Not social circles, not that you make too much money, etc. It's that you live in a small town. No matter what you do, the difficulty bar is raised until you move.
so will it hurt me if i truthfully tell them I have a business that does ok for meYes. Tell them you work hard but don't tell them you make any money.
Also how the hell am I suppose to meet these women lolSocial circle game, like I said, which yes, will be hard in your small town.
will online dating be my best resort for this obviouslly it wasnt ur first recomendation but for me will this be my best option if i have some good looking pictures which i do !No. Again, your town is too small. Start making plans to move. Seriously.
Roberto 2018-01-24 20:27:34
Hey bro I Personally deflowered alot of 18-19 yr old girls keep in mind I am 20 yrs old, its opposite i sometimes dislike these virigns they are cute but so boring in bed they dont know how to move and sexy talk etcI agree – despite all the mythology surrounding virginity, sex with a virgin isn't generally the greatest. As I've got older it's not something that particularly miss.
Im craving a older more milfy/cougar but sexy looking with experience and can take me for a ride and teach me some thingsRecommended. In my experience at your age, older women can provide good sex, good fun, often good learning, and low drama. They're not interested in restricting your life and, as you say, they're not likely to become pregnant, esp if they have a partner who's away (e.g. working overseas) or who's not servicing them properly. I've known them to pass the good word around to their friends too.
Shane Goodridge 2018-01-25 23:29:27
I'm 25 turning 26 this year can this post still work for me?
Genghis Khan 2018-01-26 00:04:00
Hey BD thanks for responding Did I read that right? you said
No. Again, your town is too small. Start making plans to move. Seriously.Its not a mid sized city its pretty big it has 522k do you really think thats to small? portland oregon is literally 639k and seattle is 700k 522k in my city in cali (my bad for calling it a town) isnt much difference than portland which is 639k .. did you perhaps read my comment wrong?
Blackdragon 2018-01-26 10:50:04
I’m 25 turning 26 this year can this post still work for me?Of course. Anyone under 30 or so.
Its not a mid sized city its pretty big it has 522k do you really think thats to small? portland oregon is literally 639k and seattle is 700k 522k in my city in cali (my bad for calling it a town) isnt much difference than portland which is 639k .. did you perhaps read my comment wrong?I'm not misreading your comment; you're misreading Wikipedia. Portland isn't 639K, it's 2.4 million, which is plenty. The municipal city boundaries are not relevant; what's relevant is the greater metro area; how many people you have access to within a reasonable driving distance. If the population of your greater metro area is at least 1 million, then you're fine and can ignore what I said. If it's not, and your town is literally 522K out in the middle of nowhere, then you need to move ASAP.
Throughfare 2018-01-28 21:16:02
Agree with BD here. Meeting and closing women of any age is easier in a "big" city. I find that's especially important for the cougar ladies, though, because one thing they want is anonymity, and that's much harder to maintain in a <500k town.
Marty McFly 2018-01-30 13:18:15
Love me a tasty cougar or milf. I somehow manage to appeal to both older women looking for a fuck n chuck and younger women looking for a mentor. So long as they intersect with my target market, that is. But that is the duality of INTP nature, we're like adolescents going on middle age.
Marty McFly 2018-01-30 13:37:48
I should have added that your calibration also has to be right depending on what the woman's looking for, obviously. For instance, I've lost lays by being too "formal" with VYW (this is actually my toughest demographic to crack) as well as with older ones by being too player. In one instance, I purposely acted overly beta to get out of having sex with a horny woman who, shall we say, misrepresented herself.
danttr 2018-02-07 13:35:21
something strange happened. I opened an account in dating site with 2 pics, said in the description that "I am now a student without any resources love freedom" (in my language: not English) to try the cougar game thing... and not only that 33 yo women and above not responded to me (I sent 4 messages) 35 young women sent to me messages. now sure 4 openers isn't enough for cougar game, but 35 younger women sent me in just 6 days it just feeling odd. what does that mean? I am 25 yo. need to mention that I have pretty face. idk what the deal here
Pancake Mouse 2018-02-07 17:21:13
need to mention that I have pretty face. idk what the deal hereSounds like you just answered your own question.
danttr 2018-02-08 02:09:42
Pancake Mouse but I am 5'4''. not like the Hollywood fantasy.
danttr 2018-02-08 03:25:44
and dont forget that texts mean nothing if you dont have success. 1 text and 1 sex mean more than - 100 texts and 0 sex.