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Planning Out Your Life
-By Caleb Jones
Strategic planning is what I do. It’s a key component of my day job. People who are unhappy are usually that way because they never sat down and planned out their lives in a clearly defined direction they desire.
It’s the same with companies. Businesses that are experiencing trouble are usually those whose owner/president sets a few goals about how much money he wants the company to make, but that’s about it. That’s not enough for success (unless you get lucky, but you can’t emulate luck nor plan on it).
People do this too. They might set a goal, or a very general goal, about how much money they might want, or how they want to get married / have kids “someday,” or how they want to be “happy,” or some other nebulous objective.
Not only are these not real goals, it’s nowhere near an actual plan.
This honestly one of the biggest reasons why most people are unhappy to some degree. It's not the only reason of course; Societal Programming, Obsolete Biological Wiring, crappy upbringings, and personality problems also play a role.
Beyond those topics, I did not talk about personal strategic planning in that book, as in planning out your life. This is also important. Personal strategic planning is a big topic that I can’t cover in a single article, or even a series of articles, so I’m not going to try. I could write an entire book on the subject and I probably will at some point down the road.
Instead, I’m going to give you a very simple, very summarized, very watered-down example of how I’ve done this for myself. I’m only going to scratch the surface and give you a very generic overview. There will not be a lot of specifics. Regardless, from this example and from The Unchained Man (which you really need to get if you haven’t yet; the damn thing is only $9 for the digital version) this should give you a good starting point.
One objection/question you might have is if you’re already old. If you’re 60, do you need to develop a strategic life plan? The answer is yes. It just means you obviously have a shorter span of decades to work with than the guy who is 26. Your plan will also have to factor in both the positive and negative aspects of your older age, such as decreased physical prowess and appearance (negatives), and increased wisdom and financial means (positives). But yes, you still need a plan if you want to be happy.
1. Got to a strong pain point where I knew I had to change.
When I hit my early thirties, I looked around and realized the life I was living was not the life I wanted. In many ways it was the opposite of what I wanted.
I had a relationship I didn’t like (traditional monogamous marriage), a financial situation I didn’t like (massive debt, massive monthly overhead, minimal net worth, zero savings), a body I didn’t like (flabby, pale, balding, badly dressed, dorky-looking beta male), a business I didn’t like (a typical hours-for-dollars, location dependent business with employees that had to be managed), a sexual life I didn’t like (boring wife-sex with a typical, nonsexual, overweight wife about 2 – 3 times per month if I was very lucky), and a future that looked terrible (no plan, no change in sight).
I had hit all the goals in my twenties that society told me I needed to have, like “Get married!” “Have kids!” “Start a business!” “Make a lot of money!” And yet here I was, living a life that was the opposite of what I knew would make me happy.
I knew I had to change. I had no choice.
Maybe you haven’t hit that pain point yet, and that’s fine. Maybe you’re just comfortable or bored. If that’s the case, look into the mirror and ask yourself how your life will be in 10-20 years from now if you don’t change anything. That will cause you some pain, I promise.
2. I clearly defined my ideal life.
As I’ve talked about before, one day I canceled all of my appointments, went to the park by myself on a sunny day with my laptop, sat down on a park bench, brought up a blank Word document, and wrote out exactly what my perfect life would be if I started over right now, completely from scratch, with no wife, no kids, no business, no nothing. I told myself I could add some of that stuff back in there when I was done if I wanted (and I did with some of the items), but I started from absolute zero.
When I was done, I had two pages describing my perfect life. The bad news is that it was just about the opposite of the life I was currently living. The good news is that it was all perfectly achievable and realistic, given a little time.
3. I set specific goals based on this new vision.
Using this vision of my ideal life, I started setting goals to get there. This was the easy part. I’m very good at goal setting and always have been. The problem was that the goals I had been operating under were goals I was told to want (Societal Programming) rather than want I truly wanted.
This time, and for the first time in my life, my goals would be mine. Not my parents', not my (ex) religion's, not my society's, not my politics', not my wife's, not Hollywood's, not my friends'. Mine.
4. I got off my ass and got to work.
I didn’t sit around fantasizing. I didn’t sit around complaining about everything. I didn’t waste my time arguing with people on the internet or playing video games. Nope, I fucking got to work. Pumped with my vision and my goals, and terrified at what would happen if I didn’t change, I got to work on my new plan. Everyone around me immediately noticed a difference in my attitude.
I also started to Alpha-up. I knew that a beta male would not be able to accomplish these goals, so I had to become an Alpha. Again, I had no choice. I got to work on being more confident, not taking crap from anyone, and moving in a direction I wanted regardless of what other people in my life said or did (including my wife at the time).
5. I formulated my Mission.
From the mistakes I made in my twenties, I knew that goals and plans would not be enough. Goals are critical, but they’re not all you need. If all you have are goals, you will eventually hit them (if you work on them that is!) and then once you’ve achieved them, you’ll stand around like an idiot and say, “Uh… oh no. Now what?”
I knew that I needed a Mission, something far more important than any goal or project, something that had no “end date,” something that would drive me regardless of my goals or current life status, something I could work on literally for the rest of my life that would make me happy not only today, but 25+ years from now.
I didn’t know what this Mission was, so I worked on discovering it, always looking inward, digging deeper and deeper. It took me a few years to clarify it precisely. Many of you have asked what my Mission is. For the first time ever, I’m about to tell you. It’s this:
As a man who is the ideal example of long-term masculine happiness, financially, in business, with physical health, and with relationships, I will continue to help one million men achieve a life of long-term consistent happiness. From this, and from businesses that help both men and companies, I have functionally unlimited wealth to do whatever I want and explore the entire world.
This is not a goal. This is a Mission. There is no “end date” to it. It will take me the rest of my life to both achieve this and maintain this. It’s what drives me in addition to my goals and my vision.
Thus armed with a Mission, I will never run into boredom or a “now what?” state so many older and middle-aged men wrestle with.
6. I broke my life up into phases.
Despite having a Mission that could last the rest of my life, I knew that regarding the details, things I want now will not be things I want 20 years from now. Men who are 28 have different priorities and desires than men who are 58. I had to acknowledge this. I knew that I would want different things at age 45, 55, and 65 than I currently did in my thirties.
The example I’ve often given at this blog is your woman life. When you’re 25, you’ll probably want to bang lots of hot bitches, never have any kids, never live with a woman, and just focus on freedom and pussy. That’s great! But when you’re my age (I just celebrated my forty-sixth birthday), I promise you’re going to want something in your woman life that looks a lot different (unless you are a very rare exception to the rule). It doesn’t have to be monogamy (I’m not monogamous and never will be), but it will likely be something more stable, pair-bonded, and long-term.
So I broke my life up into several phases. Your life might be three or four phases. Maybe it will just be two phases. The number of phases and the type of phases are completely up to you. For me, I chose two phases.
My first phase is Empire-Building Phase. For me (and you will probably be different) this phase covers a 37-year span, going from age 16 to age 53. During this phase, my focus is building life infrastructure and baselines in my financial life and woman life, exactly as I talk about in The Unchained Man, as well as a third baseline I don't discuss in that book that I'll talk about in a minute.
So I’m done with all that woman-life-building; all I have to do today is maintain the structures in my woman life I've already built, which is easy, since maintaining is always much easier than building.
My financial baseline is not yet done, but it’s almost done and nearing the end; I should be finished with that in another four to six years at the very latest. Six years from now I’ll be 52, one year shy of the end of my Empire-Building Phase, right on schedule.
I have a third baseline, my slowest one by far, which is my physical health baseline. I’ve greatly improved this but it’s still no where near where I want it. I will likely complete this one last, after my business baseline is done, since physical fitness has always been my weakest area.
You will always have at least one weak area in life; it's up to you to determine what this area is, work on this as best you can, don't surrender to it, and for fuck's sake, don't make excuses about how it's too hard for you and too easy for others. That kind of crap is for betas. You're better than that. (I hope.)
At or around age 53, which is seven years from now in 2025 (if not sooner), I will gracefully exit my completed Empire-Building Phase and enter the second phase of my life, which I call my Experiential Phase. During this phase, I will focus on experiencing the world and myself rather than focusing on building things. With my three life foundations solidly built (financial, woman, and health), all I need to do is maintain those things, which again, is much easier and far less time consuming than building something from scratch. I will focus the rest of my time experiencing what it means to be a self-actualized man.
During this phase, I will focus on things like writing, traveling, experiencing, spirituality, and social aspects, rather than focusing on money, business, women, and fitness like I do now.
I will still work during my Experiential Phase, since I love to work, but instead of working for money and empire like I do now, I’ll just work for the experience of working, to express myself though my work rather than focusing on any infrastructure objective.
This plan ties in with every other area of my life. For example, longtime readers may notice that year of 2025 looks familiar; that's the year I'm planning on moving out of the USA (if not sooner). For years, I've been saying that I promise to keep making blog posts here until 2024, again, right before the end of my Empire-Building Phase. I've also always said I wanted an OLTR Marriage in place before my early fifties, again, before my Experiential Phase begins.
See? All these plans tie together, and always have. All these things need to be locked down before I turn 53. And, most of them already have, which makes sense, since I'm 30 years into my 37-year life phase. I'm nearing the end of this part of my life, which again, is all according to plan.
If you're much younger than me, obviously you won't be this far into your life plan, and that's fine; you've got more time than I do. If you're my age or older, even if you feel you're not as successful as you should be, you've probably locked down at least one part of your life (usually financial), perhaps more than one.
Again, everything I'm describing is just an example. Please, please don't make the mistake of copying this plan or this Mission verbatim. You are not me, so copying my Mission or life plan verbatim will likely be harmful for you. Maybe you don’t need an Empire-Building Phase at all. Maybe you need a different set of phases. Maybe you need four or five phases instead of two. Everyone is different, and you are different from me. You likely have a very different Mission within you than I have. You have a different personality and priorities than I do, at least somewhat. (And sure, your Mission or life plan could have similarities to mine, but I'm quite sure they aren't the same.)
It’s your job to take these things and plan out your life.
I suggest you get to work. The clock is ticking, and the only guarantee you have for the future is that you'll get older.
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Chad 2018-04-23 05:16:12
BD - re: your fitness goals, just wanted to offer some resources which might resonate with you. Keep an open mind as it sounds crazy to most, and is counter to what we're all taught growing up (societal programming). I've been eating meat only for 3 months, never hungry, have dropped 25 lbs of fat effortlessly, and have never felt better in my life. Vegetables are unnecessary, carbs (esp sugar & refined carbs) are a main cause of almost all diseases, including obesity. I think your body is especially sensitive to carbs, and that you could achieve your fitness goals quickly and easily within a few months with this way of eating. Some resources: https://zerocarbzen.com/ http://meatheals.com/ Check out the facebook groups Principia Carnivora and World Carnivore Tribe. Thousands of people have cured themselves of all kinds of ailments by eliminating the triggers in their diets. This is essentially an elimination diet where you establish a firm baseline over a few months then reintroduce foods to see exactly how you react. I firmly believe that if you give a zero carb diet a solid chance for 3 months, you will be blown away not only by how easy it is to shed fat, but also by how much focus and energy you have. And after you've stabilized for ~6 months, if you get bloodwork, you and your doc will be blown away by how good the numbers are. Not gonna proselytize too much more, just saying give it a few hours of research if the idea resonates with you. I believe if you give it a fair shot, you will just be angry with how long it took you to find this information. Plus, this is about the most alpha diet you could adopt 😉 Thanks for all your work.
Tim 2018-04-23 05:22:50
Chad - how about thyroid function and hairloss on keto/low carb diet?
johnny 2018-04-23 06:34:39
..BD, in terms of starting/building an alpha 2.0 business, what if I have no idea where to even begin and still can't come up with something I could see myself doing? It's causing me internal conflict because I know you've said that every guy should have his own business, ( and I'm really not trying to complain here) but I don't have any skills that I could offer as a service. I know that you'll probably say to just try to acquire skills, but again I have no idea what skills to even begin with, and skills could take years, I want a plan that I could start relatively soon. It feels like being stuck in quick-sand: where strangely the more I try to think about this area of my life and try to get out of it, the more stuck, confused, and spinning my wheels I seem to be.
hollywood 2018-04-23 06:47:59
I concur with the poster above suggesting a low-carb diet. I lost 180 lbs with very little exercise following a very strict low-carb diet. I had tried calorie restriction prior, and was always too hungry and just ended up worse off. Now that I have trained my body to eat less by going low carb for about 4 years, I have now switched to rigorous workouts and calorie restriction instead of low carb. You'd be surprised, but this takes much longer and is a slower process to losing weight, but is easier to maintain the lifestyle. I believe it takes roughly 30 days to form a habit. I have formed a habit of using the elliptical (much more rigorous than an exercise bike) and restricting each meal to a calorie allowance that requires my body to lose weight long term (I do not allow more than 600 calories for any meal). However if I were to coach anyone on weight loss, (seeing as I have lost nearly 200 lbs myself), I would suggest they start out with low carb. Typically you will lose 15 lbs in the first two weeks as your body transitions if you do it properly. After that, I was consistently losing 3-4 lbs per week during my initial weight loss. 1-2 lbs per week may be more realistic for most.
Oden 2018-04-23 08:48:34
Excellent post! It was perfect timing for my life. How old were your kids when you broke it off with your wife? And how well did they handle it?
C Lo 2018-04-23 09:02:21
Great post. mildly OT: I did what Chad suggested and it almost killed me. I hired a cycling coach and a nutritionist who put me on 65% carbs/18%fat/17%protein and I felt better in a day. Free advice on nutrition over the internet is like using Wikipedia. Buyer beware. On topic: I had a decent long term pair bonded relationship in my twenties and now, several years clear of my divorce, am quite adverse to ever having one again. I need a woman for sex and that’s it. I wonder if I’m alone or just the odd one? Caleb - please consider writing a post on what to do when your mission gets ended by 2% factors.
Sachmo 2018-04-23 09:08:00
This is a great post. Thanks for sharing. The idea of splitting your life into phases is interesting.
Gaurav 2018-04-23 09:24:29
Well I know that you're not going to listen to any of the fitness advice people are giving but since you're one of the most influential person in my life i think I should recommend you something which really will help you. muscleforlife.com This website. Just this one. Definitely the most honest, effective, efficient guy in the fitness industry. Has answers to pretty much everything you need to know. To me he is like the BD of the fitness industry. Effective and to the point. Detailed explanation about everything. He has sold over one million copies of his book. Even if you don't buy his book just read every article of his site it's sufficient. I do not have anything to gain from it. Just wanted to help you.
CTV 2018-04-23 09:45:04
You gotta be willing to make the Tough Calls too.. 1. Moved in with my folks to pay down Debt with a Vengeance. As we all know debt is our biggest freedom killer. I was putting it off for a while, now I just want to put it to bed. I live in So Cal so.. It costs money to breath. You literally gotta use the self check out just avoid the plastic bag tax. AND YES it has put a dent in my dating life. 2. Have my Vasectomy Scheduled next week, had to spend money in short term to get my sperm put away in a bank. Have 2 Deposits this week and Vasectomy next week. I DOOO WANT KIDS when I'm ready. Probably in my 40's.. late 30's at earliest. 3. Cut out many friends who are liabilities to my Long Term Happiness, some Best Friends. Had to be Done. 4. Making it a point to put in Extra Time at my families company to learn our business more and cultivate more clients. 5. Gonna look into VA Loan soon.. Since we Vets qualify for those benefits.. Don't know why I didn't before for a Condo.. Again CA you're looking at 300,000 MIN plus our on going taxes. 6. Still formulating my Mission and More Goals.. It's On Going..
Horatio Mars 2018-04-23 09:46:13
Sometimes I lose sight of long term for what's right in front of me. This post really puts things into perspective for how you've established achieving your mission. How often would you say to alter/adjust the long term plan, especially when things are harder to predict on a 7-year timeline? (Or any other arbitrary years-long timeline?) Big annual reassessment on top of your biweekly planning?
Blackdragon 2018-04-23 10:27:32
your fitness goals, just wanted to offer some resourcesPlease read the bulleted list of everything I've tried in this article before offering me any weight loss advice.
How old were your kids when you broke it off with your wife?Son was 14, daughter was 8.
And how well did they handle it?Their parents got divorced. How would you take it? They took it horribly, of course. But over time, they were happier because their two parents (who didn't like each other), lived separate lives and were able to find more happiness (or in their mom's case, less unhappiness) and thus were better parents. It took a little time though, perhaps 1-2 years.
I wonder if I’m alone or just the odd one?You're normal for a man in his twenties.
please consider writing a post on what to do when your mission gets ended by 2% factors.No. Never worry about the 2% Rule. That's the entire point of the rule.
Moved in with my folks to pay down Debt with a Vengeance. As we all know debt is our biggest freedom killer.Yes, and that is one of the few reasons to temporarily move in with parents; to destroy your debt as fast as humanly possible while living like a pauper and spending money on almost nothing else.
How often would you say to alter/adjust the long term plan, especially when things are harder to predict on a 7-year timeline? (Or any other arbitrary years-long timeline?) Big annual reassessment on top of your biweekly planning?Good question. The longer-term the plan is, the more you're allowed to alter it. So if you have a 6 month plan, you can't alter it at all (unless something very usual happens), and if you do, you're just fucking around and aren't serious. If you a 3 year plan, you can tweak it a little as you go. If you have a 7 year plan, you can change it as conditions change, as long as you don't radically transform it into something completely different, or make huge deviations just because you got married or moved to a new city or whatever. I don't have a scheduled time when I reassess my long-term goals, Mission, or vision, but I know myself very well at this point, and I know I'm on the right path for me.
Fred 2018-04-23 10:37:24
Thanks, BD. I've been reading the book, but haven't reached the Mission part yet. I'm in my early thirties, spend my twenties accomplishing everything SP told me would make me happy. Yet, I am miserable. At least, I am on the strong pain point required for the change that you mention. On a more practical question, do you keep all your phases, goals, mission written somewhere?
Magok 2018-04-23 10:42:17
Thank you for writing this, it looks like you put a lot of thoughts and good wishes while writing it.
ziogio 2018-04-23 11:58:55
BD, you mentioned in Unchained Male having baseline income of $70k min. Any thoughts on minimum net assets to retire on? I know there are a lot of variables but if I wanted to quit working at 50 and lead a minimalistic nomad life of travel abroad, what dollar amount would you minimally recommend??
C Lo 2018-04-23 12:09:20
You’re normal for a man in his twenties.As I’m 48, fantastic. i think you misunderstood my question. I’m suggesting that IF a 2% event derails your mission to the point of it being junked, how do you get a handle on things and start over? 2% events happen. Worryingly about them is stupid, being generally prepared to get yourself back mentally is just good planning. When I played poker or lent money and a deal went south I’d just shrug it off but I’ve had a bunch of flukey shit happen the past couple of years and my head isn’t the same.
777 2018-04-23 12:18:02
@ziogio 2 Mio $ Standard/Baseline. 1 Mio $ Minimal, but barely though* *) Depends on where city you're live also how's your lifestyle preferences >> But, again it's heavily personal. For me it's 7. It's lucky number. Reasonable and still realistically reachable.
Blackdragon 2018-04-23 12:38:10
I’m in my early thirties, spend my twenties accomplishing everything SP told me would make me happy. Yet, I am miserable.Yep. That's what SP does. It satisfies the people around you while making you unhappy.
On a more practical question, do you keep all your phases, goals, mission written somewhere?Of course, and in great detail, and I review all of them regularly. It's not a goal (or vision or Mission) if it isn't written down. Goals also need specific dated deadlines, also written down and scheduled.
Thank you for writing this, it looks like you put a lot of thoughts and good wishes while writing it.Thank you, and I did. I'm here to help you guys. It's my Mission.
you mentioned in Unchained Male having baseline income of $70k min.$75K actually, but this can vary based on your location in the world.
Any thoughts on minimum net assets to retire on?Yes. I have entire formulas for this.
I know there are a lot of variables but if I wanted to quit working at 50 and lead a minimalistic nomad life of travel abroad, what dollar amount would you minimally recommend??For too detailed a topic for this thread. I strongly suggest you join my monthly podcast/coaching program were we discuss that kind of thing in great detail.
As I’m 48, fantastic.Exactly. 🙂 Yeah, you're an exception... unless you just got out of your divorce less than 2-3 years ago. In that case, you're just going through your "just recently divorced phase," which I promise will end soon.
i think you misunderstood my question. I’m suggesting that IF a 2% event derails your mission to the point of it being junked, how do you get a handle on things and start over?I understood your question perfectly, you just don't like the answer, which is still no, since the entire point of the 2% Rule is to not worry about those things ever happening.
Worryingly about them is stupid, being generally prepared to get yourself back mentally is just good planning.Incorrect. I never, ever plan for 2% events. If I did, I wouldn't have any time to do anything else, since there are so many 2% events. Instead, I plan contingencies for 5% events, 10% events, 20% events, 50% events, and so on. I'm really good at that. The entire Alpha Male 2.0 lifestyle protects you against these things since it's based on independence and redundancy.
CTV 2018-04-23 12:46:40
@ Blackdragon I'm gonna say that 75K in California is Poverty lol. You really need a baseline of 100K to have some freedom to maneuver. Even people at 100K in this State are pay check to pay check in many cases who live frugally!! They recently declared in Orange County that 84K a year is Poverty if you live there. Whats your thoughts on that BD? Not just California, but New York, Denver, ETC. What do you think you think is Minimum for these high cost outliers?
CrabRangoon 2018-04-23 12:47:16
Great post today BD. I feel like precious few go through these kind of exercises which is why so many people are miserable or just kinda "meh" about their lives. Most in my circles seem to just slog through life willy nilly, doing what they are "supposed" to do based on family/society pressure and complaining about it all the time without ever doing any self reflection on why they make bad choices.
Blackdragon 2018-04-23 13:09:51
I’m gonna say that 75K in California is Poverty lol.Yes. $75K isn't enough in many areas of the world. Southern California, Manhattan, etc.
Whats your thoughts on that BD?I would never live in California for any reason. Some of the highest taxes and cost of living on the planet, worst divorce and co-habitation laws on the planet, women in San Francisco are some of the worst in N. America, and so on. California is a place that is meant to be visited, not lived in long-term.
Not just California, but New York, Denver, ETC. What do you think you think is Minimum for these high cost outliers?I can't give you a table of minimum incomes for various cities. Start with $75k per year as a baseline and adjust upwards and downwards from there if needed (and usually it isn't).
C Lo 2018-04-23 13:20:56
Instead, I plan contingencies for 5% events, 10% events, 20% events, 50% events, and so on. I’m really good at that. The entire Alpha Male 2.0 lifestyle protects you against these things since it’s based on independence and redundancy.Fantastic. Can you discuss how you anticipate and prepare contingencies for these situations? As I just passed year four post divorce, I’ll assume that is simply a 2% event and proceed accordingly.
C Lo 2018-04-23 13:31:16
I can’t give you a table of minimum incomes for various cities.I can help here, as a former SoCal expat. Federal poverty guidelines put a number of $12,140 as the poverty line. This is misleading because at that low of an income you would start to qualify for a bunch of free government assistance that, frankly, doesn’t exist in Orange County. That’s a big reason why there are raging homeless problems. As an aspiring Alpha 2.0 you don’t want to be needy anyway, so I’d suggest this formula: $84k (a legit number!) plus $75k. I lived there till 2010 as a usually double income no kids household making $120k and still could barely maintain a lower middle class (by OC standards) lifestyle. It’s more than doubled since then. Good luck!
Parade 2018-04-23 13:38:45
I would never live in California for any reason. Some of the highest taxes and cost of living on the planet, worst divorce and co-habitation laws on the planet, women in San Francisco are some of the worst in N. AmericaI can definitely back this up. I only live here because I get paid too much to leave. My plan is to save as much as possible (should be able to put away <quite a bit> per year) and move out of the state after 5-7 years. That means my woman-life will have to suffer as I build wealth. (Being vague about exact numbers but suffice it to say that I’m _well_ compensated for living in Cali). Of course, my plans don’t involve building my own business — unlike BD, I dislike work...so I set a deadline on how long I’m going to work, and maximize my income and savings until I reach that point. Once I hit my goals there, I’m done and on to a different phase (dialing in the woman life I’ve had to neglect, probably, I’ll figure that out when I get closer)
Blackdragon 2018-04-23 14:07:19
Fantastic. Can you discuss how you anticipate and prepare contingencies for these situations?I do everything I talk about. Multiple women at all times. Multiple and diversified income sources at all times. Lots of money in emergency savings. Disaster preparedness. Low monthly expense footprint. Zero debt. International income. Detaching from all governmental systems. Ridiculously diversified investments. And so on.
As I just passed year four post divorce, I’ll assume that is simply a 2% event and proceed accordingly.No, not wanting to pair bond as an older man is not a 2% event. Lots of older men are like you. They're just the exception, not the rule (but not the 2% exception, more like 10-15%).
C Lo 2018-04-23 14:43:37
I appreciate your time responding. Thanks!
CTV 2018-04-23 14:55:29
I was born in LA, raised in So Cal just outside it. I don’t know anything besides CA. You literally can’t afford to have kids here. I seriously think the high cost of living is linked to the increased crime rates.. which now it’s very hard to even go to jail since they decriminalized A LOT via proposition 57 But the Saftey net (hammock) we pay for doesn’t discourage anyone from Shitting out Kid after Kid they can’t afford. Worst place to divorce and from what I hear fathers rights here SUCK. Abortion clinics in this state need to be open 24/7 if you ask me. Anything smog related on your car will put you in debt.. For Fuck sake I use the self check out just so I can declare I didn’t use any plastic bags just to avoid that new law they passed. However being used to Socially Liberal atmosphere and desiring a lower overhead you really can’t beat Las Vegas. Baddest ass place for the money to live in the Union I’d you ask me. Socially Liberal without the Authoratian Leftist shit like Canada, Europe and CA. I don’t like hookers, but if someone has a problem with hookers or gambling go ahead and disregard what I said lol. I seriously think Las Vegas is a Libertarians wet dream.. it’s Cheap, Socially Liberal, Low as fuck on Taxes, awesome on Guns, very business friendly. And Vegas has an unlimited buffet of women. I’d say it would be good for short term, long term, easily can attract an OLTR/TMM to move out there with you if you get serious and she isn’t close. You can literally date foreign women from your home with all the travel!! Texas I’d give credit to, but too much TRAD CON bullshit. Like a sex toy bans/limits? Who tracks this?! If youre really ballin on cash than at least get a condo in Vegas so you can register your vehicles there.
C Lo 2018-04-23 16:17:16
Disagree on most of Las Vegas metro. It’s like the Inland Empire caught a substance abuse problem. It’s cheap but it’s way worse than SoCal for crime/drugs because it’s cheap. Orange County is propped up by Chinese fleeing their countries and purchasing homes all cash to get their money out of country and get their kids into top tier US schools (Irvine). They run tour busses of Chinese nationals around to lol at vacant properties. It’s crazy.
B 2018-04-23 17:15:10
Wonderful article and thank you for sharing your mission. It has already helped me make my own more defined, which is extremely exciting! Funny you guys are bashing California, I've heard that a lot lately and agree with most of the negatives people point out. I live in northern ca, specifically the north bay (north of SF). I have accomplished a great deal in a short amount of time with my woman life. Do you really believe this area is much more difficult with women than others? How so?
CTV 2018-04-23 18:21:01
Oh no! I think California, specifically So Cal is one of these spots to get women via population density, LA models, beaches, Etc! I’m just saying a good alternative would be Vegas with all it has to offer. Chinese are buying up property all over LA as well! That foreign money into our schools probably is why the state colleges and private schools have no problem raising the price. They figure the Chinese have the money anyway. Dude drugs and crime are all over LA/OC as well so in reality going to Vegas. So if you can tolerate crime.. not a selling point but still.
Duke 2018-04-23 18:25:44
Disagree on most of Las Vegas metro. It’s like the Inland Empire caught a substance abuse problem. It’s cheap but it’s way worse than SoCal for crime/drugs because it’s cheap.I don't get your comment. I don't see how drugs negate CTV's comment. He was just saying how cheap it was, how socially liberal it was, that it had low taxes, was pro guns, and friendly on business, which are all true. Maybe you're implying that you couldn't find a oltr over there, if so that may be the case if every girl you meet is on drugs, which I doubt if that's true.
prepped 2018-04-23 18:45:02
@Blackdragon I'm curious. Your mission doesn't mention your kids. Is that by design, or perhaps just excluded here because it's personal and personal family? My mission does include my kids (now in the early 20's) as I'm building part of my empire to leave to them.
CTV 2018-04-23 18:53:27
@DUKE I don’t think @C LO is negating it. Hes just saying how the environment many have high crime as well just like how CA’s is on the rise. As far as an OLTR/MLTR/LTR/TMM I don’t think you’ll have trouble at all. Imagine how many guys there are dumbasses?! Imagine how hard it is to trust people in a place like Vegas? If anything some provider potential and stability may give you a leg up in that market. However I’d most def say you need to be able to do game in person there vs. soley online. Bein that much of these scene is social and new people come in/out.
azog 2018-04-23 18:54:32
@BD Not to be negative, but what if you don't achieve the goals you set for your phase one by the time you reach age 53? Would you extend phase one or proceed with phase two regardless?
david 2018-04-23 21:51:09
Was just thinking about this. Thanks for the great article. Seems like I've done everything right so far. Started my own service business in my early twenties, avoided marriage, kids, no debt (cheap vocational school), although everyone told me I was immature. I've kind of become spoiled honestly. I've worked mostly flexible hours taking naps during weekdays, cooking healthy at home, partying on weekdays, working at night when I feel like it, etc. Now I FINALLY have the semblance of a mission, but I'm lazy! I keep procrastinating. It's like my motivation peaked 10 years ago, or I only work on projects that I find fun. Or maybe my mission is bullshit? I'm obviously not super stoked about it. (Saving money to provide care of my parents and then sisters.) Does a mission need to be HUGE?
Blackdragon 2018-04-24 00:59:10
I live in northern ca, specifically the north bay (north of SF). I have accomplished a great deal in a short amount of time with my woman life. Do you really believe this area is much more difficult with women than others?No. As I'm sure you're aware, Northern California is a completely different culture than Southern Cali. It's more like Oregon. Frankly, it should be its own state (that will never happen though).
I’m curious. Your mission doesn’t mention your kids.Correct. My Mission is not family-based, but yours can be.
Is that by design, or perhaps just excluded here because it’s personal and personal family?No, personal / family Missions are fine as long as they don't rely upon one person (outside of yourself) or a small number of people to do something.
My mission does include my kids (now in the early 20’s) as I’m building part of my empire to leave to them.That's fine, since it doesn't require your kids to do anything (other than outlive you I guess).
Not to be negative, but what if you don’t achieve the goals you set for your phase one by the time you reach age 53? Would you extend phase one or proceed with phase two regardless?It's not negative; it's a good question. I would proceed with phase two regardless, since if for some bizarre reason I don't get that stuff done by age 53 (I plan on being done well before that age), I will be very, very close, so I'll just proceed. Again though, I'm not recommending you do this or not. This is just what I'm doing. Your Mission is yours, and no one else's!
Blackdragon 2018-04-24 01:08:07
Now I FINALLY have the semblance of a mission, but I’m lazy! I keep procrastinating. It’s like my motivation peaked 10 years ago, or I only work on projects that I find fun.That's not a Mission. A Mission can't "peak" or be "accomplished." If it can, it's a goal, not a Mission.
vironcia 2018-04-24 09:04:12
"During this phase, I will focus on things like writing, traveling, experiencing, spirituality, and social aspects, rather than focusing on money, business, women, and fitness like I do now." So you're gonna travel even more ? what do u mean by experiencing and social aspects? examples, please?
Blackdragon 2018-04-24 11:10:37
So you’re gonna travel even more ?Yep. All over the world.
what do u mean by experiencing and social aspects? examples, please?I don't really know for sure, and that's the point, but it would be things like: - Going to a party or business group with no objective other than to experience other people. - Picking a random place on the planet I have no interest in (close my eyes and touch a world map) and go there just to hang out. - Do weird shit like live in a forest in remote northern Russia for a few days or do the same in the Algerian desert. - Try a bunch of new things I've never done before, like skydiving and scuba diving. You know, experiencing life.
bluegreen 2018-04-24 13:48:37
Great post and best wishes! A few thoughts: "Never worry about the 2% Rule" - unless you're into the actuarial sciences haha! "Please read the bulleted list of everything I’ve tried in this article before offering me any weight loss advice." I'm not an expert but two things I don't see on that list that might mildy help (maybe shave off 1% off of BMI?): improving gut health/pre&probiotics/fermented foods with most meals, and testing for food allergies. "I believe it takes roughly 30 days to form a habit." - Some new research says a new habit, on average, takes 66 days to develop, and in the study the range was 18-254 days (https://jamesclear.com/new-habit). Mission | Goals | Systems/Habits : One concept that some people may be forgetting (or assuming others know about) about is the development of systems/habits. In theory, lots of goals are much easier to accomplish by creating the right habits, etc. Best wishes!
Chili 2018-04-24 16:17:08
How long from writing your goals down in the park did it take you to discover your mission?
NoNameDude 2018-04-24 18:24:28
Please read the bulleted list of everything I’ve tried in this article before offering me any weight loss adviceIt is in your head, then, for sure. You aren’t fit as you want because subconsciously you don’t want to or even actively resist it. It is even more true if you feel a need to defend your position while reading this. See what I’ve done here? You mentioned it yourself, so YOU KNOW IT, but still self-sabotaging in some way. As David D. used to say, you mind got you by the balls.
BigTime 2018-04-24 18:41:35
Most of the people claiming huge weight loss are spiking the football on the 20 yard line. Something like 99% regain it all, plus more. The proof is obesity everywhere you look. If it was easy, everybody would just go paleo and be done for life. Humans have a food addiction (too much) and a laziness addiction. You have to treat it like the alcoholics do. Meaning be super vigilant and never ever give in at all. I was cocky like many others in my 20s. Running 5 miles a day and eating ice cream just because I could with no problems. Then you get injured or sick and have to slow down. But you forget the food adjustment and gain weight fast. Of course the activity level cannot be maintained after 40 or 50. It probably has to be a goal above all other goals. Otherwise you give in to frustration at lack of progress, temptation of that special treat/holiday, mood changes or social events.
Blackdragon 2018-04-24 19:11:58
Some new research says a new habit, on average, takes 66 days to develop, and in the study the range was 18-254 daysThat's correct; it takes longer to integrate a habit than most people realize.
How long from writing your goals down in the park did it take you to discover your mission?I didn't bother with a Mission at that point; that a little came later. It took me about a year to come up with a rough draft Mission that was pretty close, about another year to clarify it.
You aren’t fit as you want because subconsciously you don’t want to or even actively resist it.I know, and I've said that myself many times.
If it was easy, everybody would just go paleo and be done for life.Exactly. It's not just about paleo or keto or intermittent fasting or weight lifting or whatever. There are other core factors involved in losing weight and keeping it off forever that are far beyond those things.
It probably has to be a goal above all other goals.No, at least not for me. It's key goal that I need, but I wouldn't put it above good money and a great woman life. If you gave me the choice of having a perfect, ripped sixpack body for life, but you'd have to take away all of my money, women, business skills, and woman skills, I would not take that trade. No way. My weight is literally the only problem I have in my life; my life is that good. Health and fitness are critical though, I agree, particularly when you're over age 35. (Guys under 35 can wing it.)
Freevoulous 2018-04-25 06:18:25
A bit of a harder question BD, but how do one FINDS their Goal and Mission? Im 32, reasonably good shape (about 3/4 of the way towards my body goal), about halfway in my financial goals and pretty much done with my woman goals (swinger OLTR). However, I find little to no happiness in my progress and don't really feel like these goals are capital G Goals... and I definitely do not have a Mission, and Im clueless how to start. I did the "blank Word page" thing numerous times, and invented numerous Missions for myself, but pretty quickly it turns out it is not this. So basically, I know how to get what I want, but I do not know WHAT to want.
Tom 2018-04-25 08:44:58
I second what Chad said about eating meat only. Also, I did read the post you wrote about everything you've tried and failed with – you have not tried meat only yet. Watch the video below, read meatheals.com, and follow @sbakermd on Twitter. If you can't do just one of these, your internal "know it all" is all that is keeping you from getting this lifelong struggle handled - COMPLETED - easily, within six months, flat. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yj_Bc9hdHa0&app=desktop
C Lo 2018-04-25 09:00:41
One of the things I really like about Caleb is his philosophy that you are free to do whatever it is that makes you happy. I sincerely appreciate him letting us spitball our particular situations and giving honest and pointed feedback on them. I had already been doing a what he advocates (eg mission and everything that branches off from that), but it’s clear that I was doing it incorrectly (being monogamously married, not enough diversity). In retrospect, issues that are 2%ers for Caleb were 100%ers for me because of it. It was just a matter of time. If I can give any advice to other users who are starting from scratch, it’s decide how much drama you can stand AND how much you actually want. Figure that out and build your life around it. Be mindful that the people you surround yourself with bring their own level of drama acceptance. If you have someone like JOTB around (who I like very much) you are accepting his level of drama into your life (which I don’t like) and you will have to sort it out accordingly. Thanks for the help, Caleb. Rest well knowing that you are succeeding in your mission.
Jia 2018-04-25 10:50:26
Caleb do you still offer money back satisfaction guarantee on all of your ebooks?
Blackdragon 2018-04-25 12:57:56
A bit of a harder question BD, but how do one FINDS their Goal and Mission?Read chapters 8, 9, and 10 in my book.
Watch the video belowYour expert ate nothing but meat for an entire year and didn't get any blood work done that entire time. Jesus. Not exactly a confidence builder. Also note the guy above who said he did that and almost died.
Thanks for the help, Caleb.You're very welcome.
Caleb do you still offer money back satisfaction guarantee on all of your ebooks?Yes. Always and forever.
Tom 2018-04-25 14:07:06
Your expert ate nothing but meat for an entire year and didn’t get any blood work done that entire time. Jesus. Not exactly a confidence builder. Also note the guy above who said he did that and almost died.Heh. Know-it-all in the house. Caleb, you're great where you're great. And where you're not, you're aggressively, relentlessly, transparently full of it. (Except for the recent nextasf thread.) Yeah, it's just too hard to read a bit or try it for a month. You'd rather inject testosterone and bitch about how hard it is to lose weight for another decade or two. You can lead a fat guy to meat & water, but...
Tom 2018-04-25 14:22:13
Search to 32:18 to hear Dr. Drew freaking out about the diet: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSD06TGzzts
Blackdragon 2018-04-25 16:31:52
Know-it-all in the house.Huh? I didn't say I knew anything.
you’re aggressively, relentlessly, transparently full of itWhere am I full of it? I said it concerned me that the guy in the video didn't do any blood work. I didn't state any opinions on your diet. Your entire comment makes no sense. And try the decaf.
Antekirtt 2018-04-25 16:52:25
The idea that one is "full of it" for being skeptical of an extreme diet when people have already reliably lost weight using less extreme ones is pretty silly. Especially that for every coach that endorses such a diet you'll easily find another experienced coach or nutritionist who will reject it, or at the very least confirm that no, it's not the only game in town.
Philip 2018-04-26 09:25:54
Hey BD, check this out. not related to this article but to your blog in general. https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/06/style/modern-love-sleeping-with-married-men-infidelity.html?mc=adintl&mcid=facebook&mccr=mc12&ad-keywords=IntlAudDev&subid1=TAFI&dclid=CLiansys2NoCFdQlHwod1DwCUw
Anon 2018-04-26 15:02:31
not related to this article but to your blog in generalAs usual, someone tries to look rationally at relationships and immediately finds that monogamy is an unnatural construct that does not work.
Duke 2018-04-27 07:47:52
Caleb, you’re great where you’re great. And where you’re not, you’re aggressively, relentlessly, transparently full of it. (Except for the recent nextasf thread.)Tom, do you have a link?
Truc 2018-04-27 11:52:57
Hey BD, I saw someone mentioned zero-carb. In my own experience, this the real game changer in terms of diet. Fat melted away, my energy is through the roof, mental clarity, sleep quality etc. I would really suggest you look into it, and try it for like 3 months, and see how you feel. If you take the time to really get informed on the topic, you will come to the conclusion that, just like for monogamy, the experts in the field of nutrition actually do not know much...
Taigen 2018-04-28 08:21:06
I think it's also important to consider big changes that can wipe out your plans, such as wife (or you) gets serious illness, and other such 'acts of God'. In my experience such things can turn up the volume on the experiential phase earlier than planned and change everything. Good to be prepared for the event that the plan may have to change. Great article BD.
joelsuf 2018-04-28 09:44:45
I canceled all of my appointments, went to the park by myself on a sunny day with my laptop, sat down on a park bench, brought up a blank Word document, and wrote out exactly what my perfect life would be if I started over right now, completely from scratch, with no wife, no kids, no business, no nothing.This is gonna sound stupid compared to most of the stuff I write on here, but I've been trying to do this for a very long time, and it is NOT a good experience. Every time I try to do it, I wind up just putting down "I just want to stop feeling bad and failing at everything." Then I write a couple of thousand words about how I have failed at everything I have set out to do and that's why I don't deserve anything good and then I just tear the page out of the notebook and burn it. Seriously, its like staring into the abyss lol. I've had these kinds of self esteem issues for virtually my entire life, since my adolescence. I've seen dozens of counselors about it and none of them have come up with any real solutions. I think I'm at the point where the more distractions I have, the less I think, the less I care, and the more productive I can be. Which kind of messes with the alpha 2 model since you need to think long term in order to be alpha 2. When I think long term it just makes me want to give up on everything. Anyone else have this kind of issue, where they can think 10 minutes ahead but not 10 years ahead?
Alex 2018-04-28 21:12:50
Hey man just wondering.. do you have any guy friends? Like some guy friends to hang out with.. joke.. talk.. do things with etc.. Cos i think thats part of a successful life. (Besides your online guy friends lol)
Blackdragon 2018-04-28 21:32:10
Hey man just wondering.. do you have any guy friends? Like some guy friends to hang out with.. joke.. talk.. do things with etc..Yeah, a few through work.
Cos i think thats part of a successful life.Then that's part of a successful life for you, and that should be a part of your Mission and/or goals. For someone more introverted, such a thing would not be a requirement for a successful life.
Alex 2018-04-28 21:55:45
Thankyou for your quick reply. One more thing. Ive noticed you are very intelligent. Can you please write an article describing how you learn..think.. make decisions etc? Like how to think like you?
Félix 2018-04-29 02:09:06
Hey BD, I got a question regarding formulating one's code, since I know this is such an important area I need to tackle before formulating my mission. In your main book, you present both a list of conditions and an exercise to help develop a mission. However, if memory serves me right, this is not the case with formulating our own personal code. Although you did provide us with the requirements for it, is there anything else (like an exercise) that you would recommend to tackle this area, since I've been kind of struggling with it for a while?
Blackdragon 2018-04-29 10:25:08
Can you please write an article describing how you learn..think.. make decisions etc? Like how to think like you?That's too off-topic for this blog, but I might do that at my other blog.
However, if memory serves me right, this is not the case with formulating our own personal code. Although you did provide us with the requirements for it, is there anything else (like an exercise) that you would recommend to tackle this area, since I’ve been kind of struggling with it for a while?No, not for one's personal Code. For that, you just need to look inward and ask yourself if you'd be resentful of yourself at all, at any point in the future, if you did certain things in your life.