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You’re Not Who You Think You Are
-By Caleb Jones
“I’m Joe Smith.”
“I’m an attorney.”
“I’m a mother of two.”
“I’m a proud American!”
“I’m an activist!”
“I’m a loser.”
“I’m a badass.”
Maybe, not often, but maybe you'll get a more complete answer, something like:
“I’m a healthy, fun guy who loves life and is the father of three beautiful children. I’m married and I live in Chicago. I’m a regional manager of Acme Company and I drive a Dodge Stratus. I love hiking and camping, and I’m a life-long Democrat.”
Perhaps you’ll get an answer that is deeper, like:
“I am a spiritual being, an extension of the universe that is trying to figure itself out. I perceive, I exist, I experience. I am here to live this life before I move on to the next.”
Stop for a minute and think about who you are. How would you sum yourself up in a few sentences if you had to?
Seriously. Do it. I’ll wait.
Now guess what?
That’s not you.
I shall explain.
There’s the person you think you are and there’s the person you actually are.
The person you actually are is the person you were meant to be. The person you were designed to be. Everyone is different; everyone has a different set of skills, talents, strengths, and desires. These are the core aspect of the person you actually are; the person you were meant to be.
The person you think you are is an artificial construct purely as a result of Societal Programming (SP) and Obsolete Biological Wiring (OBW). The person you think you are is the result of decades of false external (SP) and internal (OBW) pressures that have crushed you into the man you look at in the mirror every day. But that’s not who you are. Who you really are is very different.
Picture a beat-up, rusty, damaged Ferrari in the middle of a massive, disgusting junk yard, covered in junk and trash. It’s mangled, brown, and missing parts. It’s a hunk of shit.
But a hunk of shit is not what the Ferrari was meant to be. It was meant to be a sleek, elegant, finely-tuned speed machine that can scream down the freeway at 200 mph and look and feel amazing while doing it. That’s what the Ferrari really is. The junkyard Ferrari is a bastardized version of what it is supposed to be, made that way by internal and external pressures that have nothing to do with the Ferrari's greatness.
The beat-up junkyard Ferrari is you, or at least partially you. Over the decades of your life, either because of laziness, delusion, irrationality, trauma, and/or false information, you have allowed SP and OBW to create this oddball, bastardized version of what you are. So today, that’s what you think you are.
But that’s not you.
If you’re not at least an 8 happy on the 1 to 10 scale the vast majority of the time, this is an indication that the current version of you, the version of you that you think you are, is very different from the real you.
If you’re very happy the vast majority of the time, and are often in a state of happiness, fulfillment, and/or peace, this is a strong indication that the current you and the real you are more closely aligned. Maybe not 100%, but close.
When I was in my late twenties, the person I thought I was could be described as, “A successful brick-and-mortar business owner, computer consultant, with a traditional marriage and family, living in Portland, Oregon.”
But that wasn’t me. It wasn’t even close to me.
As a result, I wasn’t happy. I’m not saying I was miserable. I wasn’t. But I wasn’t happy. Or fulfilled. Or excited. I was generally “okay” as well as being stressed out and always thinking that something was wrong.
Something was wrong. The person I thought I was, that schlubby, dorky-looking, badly dressed, badly groomed, stressed-out, unhealthy-looking, monogamous beta male dad I looked at in the mirror every day wasn’t me.
But today, I know. If found him many years ago through a lot of introspection and some of the exercises in my book.
Today, almost 20 years later, I’m much closer to the real me. I’m still not 100% there. I may never get 100% there, but I’m really, really close, and I get closer every year. This is why I’m so happy every day; A) I’m aware of who the real me is, and B) the current version of me is very close to being this man.
The real you is (likely) someone amazing and impressive. The interesting part is that you probably don’t even know who this man is. You’re too busy worrying about the man you think you are, that guy you see in the mirror every morning with all of those problems.
Once you find out who you really are, and even better, start removing the SP and OBW from your life to get closer to being this man, the happier you will be. You won’t believe the difference.
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Misha 2018-05-28 05:04:26
Shit! This is deep topics. I'll comment later.
Sadiesblonde 2018-05-28 06:27:43
I like the Ferrari analogy. So, this is really objective. You are inferring that a high self awareness is present for the individual to tease out who he thinks he is v. who he actually is. It’s like how can you know what you don’t know? Furthermore, what if you know who you really are but you can’t get there? Failure to execute, is that because the OBW and SP are too strong or the individual is too weak? I like the metric of happiness and inner peace but what if you psychological baseline is wired for unhappiness? I guess what I’m saying is, a Ferrari is only as good as the factory it came from.
VSmilex 2018-05-28 07:07:25
I disagree with that article. Or should I say, the logic of it. The Ferrari analogy is interesting, but... people are not like cars. Not a very good analogy. Most of successful people are not made successful from birth, like a Ferrari car, but worked insanely hard for years to become successful. They guy who you see in the mirror is you. It is a result of the actions that you have taken during your life up until this moment in time. Whether you like it or not, you are who you made yourself to be. The difference between how successful we are is how ambitious we are. Some are more, others are less - and even then the level of ambition is not fixed and varies with time, depending of how happy/bored/excited/tired we are. The more ambitious the goal - the longer and harder it is to achieve it. That's why BlackDragon is achieving his "self" only now, in mid-40s. Because he decided to bust his ass for a very ambitious goal, not because he was made that way. He was probably never supposed to achieve it, but doing it anyway. Your true self is whoever you decide to be. A Ferrari is a Ferrari no matter what happens, but with humans, a Fiat Punto can transform into a Ferrari over time if he wants it bad enough.
AnonDude 2018-05-28 09:09:46
@VSmilex BD can correct me if I'm wrong but I think you are missing the point. You are right in saying that you can achieve anything if you put a lot of work into it but from my personal experience I can tell you that there really is a unique perfect version of yourself underneath SP and OBW. If you make goals that are not in line with that real version of yourself and work really hard on those goals you will indeed be able to achieve them. However, you will not be happy after or during your hard work. In other words, you are born a Ferrari but because of SP and OBW you think you are a Lamborghini. You achieve your goal of becoming a Lamborghini trough hard work but deep down you know you are not a Lambo and therefore are not happy or fulfilled.
VSmilex 2018-05-28 09:38:24
@AnonDude I understand it, just don’t completely agree with it. Its like with sex. We all have some kinks that are somewhat taboo, and those who want it bad enough get them. Those who are scared or think they are not normal, supress them. SP is just an obstacle. Many of us know perfectly well what we want in life. BD is not unique in the way he sees through SP bullshit. He is just not afraid in getting what he wants and putting in the work and time into it. Others just can’t bother and settle for what they have or what is easier.
Max 2018-05-28 09:55:37
Blackdragon 2018-05-28 11:43:51
You are inferring that a high self awareness is present for the individual to tease out who he thinks he is v. who he actually is. It’s like how can you know what you don’t know?You sit down and self-analyze. I've done this many times. The exercises in my book help. But yes, without any self-analysis you'll never discover this person, and most people live their entire lives and never actually sit down and analyze themselves.
Furthermore, what if you know who you really are but you can’t get there? Failure to execute, is that because the OBW and SP are too strong or the individual is too weak?Yes, or because of something like past trauma, extreme laziness, drug addiction, etc.
I like the metric of happiness and inner peace but what if you psychological baseline is wired for unhappiness?I don't believe that is true of anyone unless you're clinically insane or close to it. I could be wrong though.
Most of successful people are not made successful from birth, like a Ferrari car, but worked insanely hard for years to become successful.That doesn't contradict anything I said. The real you is the kind of person who will put in all the time and effort to become himself.
They guy who you see in the mirror is you.Correction; it's the current version of you, whom you have the ability to change whenever you choose.
The difference between how successful we are is how ambitious we are.Correct but that has nothing to do with what I'm talking about. Some people's real version of self isn't some super-awesome person; maybe it's just a really nice, caring person in the vein of Mother Teresa. Some people are ambitious, some are not. That's perfectly fine. But all of these people have a real version of themselves.
kevin 2018-05-28 20:37:26
Great post BD there was a guy not claiming to be original refined a 3 step process each day ask yourself 3 questions 1 who am I? 2 what do I desire? 3 how can I Serve? introspection,focus,action name:Ramana Maharishi process.:self enquiry it works
Tamera 2018-05-28 22:01:09
Great article as alway. Thanks. Do you recommend women to read the unchained men? Very pumped to read regarding the mission part. I noticed though that your other subscription program is for men only so just wonder if women can find unchained men helpful (regarding the finding mission part).
Blackdragon 2018-05-28 23:38:59
Do you recommend women to read the unchained men?Not really. Much of it will be offensive to women unless you're usually sex-positive and have an unusually low level of political correctness and ASD. I even have a disclaimer on the very first page of the book about that. I essentially say that women are invited to the party if they really want to come, but the party is for men, not women.
Ryan 2018-05-29 01:54:48
BD, for a beta to transform to Alpha 2.0, is the natural progression from beta to Alpha 1.0, and then to Alpha 2.0? Or can one (eventually) get to Alpha 2.0 from beta without having to be Alpha 1.0 first?
Tamera 2018-05-29 02:02:28
Should be fine. Happy being a slut. Was asking mainly to see if they will be helpful for women's mission setting. Sounds even more interesting. Will get a copy and read those Non PC comment on the side as a low ASD assessment haha.
POB 2018-05-29 07:09:51
Happy being a slut.There are no sluts. Only sex-positive women. If men, other women or society cannot handle it, it's their fucking problem.
paternitytester 2018-05-29 07:58:18
Should be fine. Happy being a slut. Was asking mainly to see if they will be helpful for women’s mission setting.I told my MLTR about this and she likes the book and lives by it - she's a 2.0 by nature though. She's more from the rational kind spectrum end of women.
Butt Poop 2018-05-29 08:34:11
I always knew I was an intergalactic cowboy rock star billionaire.
CrabRangoon 2018-05-29 08:39:55
I'm guessing the vast majority will never do this sort of introspection and it's really sad. I think it's the main reason that people are so unhappy these days. No one really does the reflection needed to understand what you really want and value as an individual. They simply take on values and desires of their family, society, significant others etc... and just wash, rinse, repeat. It's the path of least resistance but long term it'll never give you what you truly want. Especially with romantic relationships-people have a tendency to just blame the other person when things go south and never take the time to reflect and reboot a bit., They just hop into another pairing right away to avoid the negative feelings you need to work through. In fact, I was seeing someone that was prime candidate for a high end MLTR. She turned to me and bluntly asked "what do you want with me??" sort of thing. I explained some of the 2.0 aspects of how I do things and when I asked the same, she said "I just don't want to be alone anymore". She didn't even realize she's clearly not ready since this is just trying to avoid a negative emotion instead of embracing a positive one.
Tamrea 2018-05-29 20:17:14
I told my MLTR about this and she likes the book and lives by it – she’s a 2.0 by nature though. She’s more from the rational kind spectrum end of women.Thanks! That's very helpful 🙂
Alan 2018-05-30 02:44:03
I am an ardent fan of blackdragon. His Alpha Male 2.0 system is the best to live by if you want long-term success and a happy in life. Three main points that I have taken from a majority of his posts include: Desist from succumbing to societal programming, i.e the norms, expectations and what is deemed right, instead, focus on making yourself happy as it is all about you. Monogamy doesn't and won't work. Period. You won't achieve Alpha Male 2.0 lifestyle if you have no financial freedom. Money will enhance the quality of life you live. It will facilitate dates, and the mission you will have as a man. My final request to blackdragon is to ask you how I can promote my content or if you can consider incorporating my writings to your work. You can check a few published at www.myidealperspective.blogspot.com
Magok 2018-05-30 07:44:38
There are no sluts. Only sex-positive women. If men, other women or society cannot handle it, it’s their fucking problem.Well said!
FiveSix 2018-05-30 09:32:21
There are no sluts.Incorrect. I have a few of them, and they are very dear to me.
joelsuf 2018-05-30 09:35:08
There are no sluts. Only sex-positive women.But MUH HYPERGAMY!! hurr hurr hurr I'm saying here what I can't (or shouldn't) say in the Alpha 2 community: Any man who complains about chicks being able to act out their horniness needs to check and see if there is sand in THEIR vaginas. The fact that all you have to do to get laid is pretty much invite 20 or so chicks out per week (and that's with really attractive chicks; for average ones this number can easily be 5 or 10 if you are alpha enough) is pretty amazing. But yeah, let's go back to the middle ages where people only had 2 sex partners in their lifetime and the average life expectancy was like 40 (probably because lack of sex). Totally down for that.
joelsuf 2018-05-30 09:46:00
Over the decades of your life, either because of laziness, delusion, irrationality, trauma, and/or false information, you have allowed SP and OBW to create this oddball, bastardized version of what you are. So today, that’s what you think you are.BOOM. So legit. The even more difficult part is unwiring from all of it, especially the SP and OBW. What I intend to do on my blogs (as well as in a book I am writing) is unveil a concept called "Immortal Individuality" where you divorce from each thing that made you who you think you are one by one and replace them with your own version of SP driven by your own values and principles. In the very near future, in my blog, I will sit down and list each and every form of SP that I have encountered. I will also list things that exist for you despite who you are. For example, my cat (and any animal really), the beaches and parks I run at, and the weights I lift don't care about what my opinions of stuff are. They just exist because they have to exist. The more you can divorce yourself from SP while at the same time being aware of it just enough is when you'll start developing Alpha 2 traits.
joelsuf 2018-05-30 10:01:44
I’m guessing the vast majority will never do this sort of introspection and it’s really sad.There is a LOT of sacrifice involved in doing this kind of stuff. You have to divorce yourself from a lot of things that you think make you happy. For example, Nearly half of my facebook friends post political stuff and other opinions. This gives them a nice dopamine rush and they often need it and won't feel normal without it. The addiction to social media exists for a reason; people want to feel important. When you do this kind of introspection, you give that up. I've given up a lot of things that used to please me a lot on my journey to be Alpha 2. such as going out, doing drugs and drinking, playing video games, jerking off, dicking around online...these are all things that I used to do all the time outside of work. Not but 2-3 years ago, if I wasn't working, I was doing these things. Case in point: When I first began following this blog a couple years ago, I posted a quote from Denis Leary about happiness and how it comes in small doses. BD called me out on it. He was right but I had no idea at the time. It takes quite a bit of inner strength to understand that those things take away from your personal, financial, and sexual freedom and long term happiness.
Blackdragon 2018-05-30 13:50:10
My final request to blackdragon is to ask you how I can promote my content or if you can consider incorporating my writings to your work.Read this.
Harvey 2018-05-30 17:50:49
I know this question is not related to the post but can guys in their mid to late twenties use referral game with VYW or does it only work for guys in their thirties and older ?
Kevin Velasco 2018-05-31 12:12:40
The true/highest Self exists beyond past/story/body.
Blackdragon 2018-06-01 09:36:42
I know this question is not related to the post but can guys in their mid to late twenties use referral game with VYW or does it only work for guys in their thirties and older ?https://blackdragonblog.com/off-topic
Bernie D 2018-06-01 10:36:06
Blackdragon, your argument here assumes intent. A Ferrari is a Ferrari by design. We are just the result of random evolutionary processes. Sure, I can look at my strengths, talents, etc. But I'm no more "meant" to be something than a specific can of yellow and blue paints are "meant" to be part of Van Gogh's The Starry Night. I like the sentiment, but the logic doesn't stand up to scrutiny.
Blackdragon 2018-06-01 10:45:32
Sure, I can look at my strengths, talents, etc. But I’m no more “meant” to be something than a specific can of yellow and blue paints are “meant” to be part of Van Gogh’s The Starry Night.If you're a naturally amazing and talented writer (for example), you weren't meant to write at all? Doesn't the fact that nature made you do this mean anything? I'm not talking about god or religion or destiny or anything like that, since I don't believe in that stuff. I'm talking about nature. It stands to reason that a hawk, which was designed to fly around and eat mice, was meant to do that. Saying nature designed the hawk to sit around in his nest all day and die of starvation doesn't make any sense.
Antekirtt 2018-06-01 11:54:50
I think some commenters are getting too caught up in reading the article in a hyper-rationalist light when the point of the article (IIUC) is to create an effective mind hack to pull people out of inertia and negativity and get to work on becoming awesome. Sure, in philosophical or evolutionary terms, no conscious/deliberate process intended for you to be one thing or another, and biology regularly designs trillions of minds and bodies that will then have a trememdously uneven rate of failure and success, once tossed in the game of life. But the point is that most of those individuals potentially have the tools to be among the winners, and vivid visualization of what "winner" means to you can help you get started on that path.
Berti 2018-06-02 18:44:56
I realized some things in my life: 1. I can't stand working too much and I can't stand being surrounded by career type of people who only think about work and making money 2. I make good money but it doesn't make me happy. Money means shit to me. 3. I still don't know what to do in life that makes me happy 4. Most of us are not meant to be Ferraris no matter how much work you put in 5. Life is probably meaningless anyway. In the end what matters is how many women you have banged lol
Blackdragon 2018-06-03 11:38:03
I realized some things in my lifeAnd I've realized that, as usual, your attitude is one of the worst I've ever heard.
Berti 2018-06-03 13:22:53
And I’ve realized that, as usual, your attitude is one of the worst I’ve ever heard.So? What's the solution then? Money is not what I am looking for, it doesn't buy me happiness or anything.
joelsuf 2018-06-03 17:46:01
Most of us are not meant to be Ferraris no matter how much work you put inI highly, highly doubt you are successful with money or chicks with this kind of attitude. This is the kind of thing that Elliot Rodger was saying. That's the kind of thing I was saying in my late teens/early 20s when I thought there was a "conspiracy" against me lol. Can you guess how productive or happy I was then?
What’s the solution then?If I didn't have respect for BD then I would let you know in no uncertain terms what to do (as a joke of course). But BD doesn't like when users throw insults at others on his blog even jokingly, so I'll resist the temptation. Instead I'll direct you this article. In it, BD writes about how he took a day off everything, went to a park (or the beach? I don't remember), just chilled and wrote about everything he wanted for him and him only. I've tried it a couple times, it isn't easy. My default thinking when I did that kind of stuff was "I just want to feel less pain." Keep going and every time you go you'll be like "oh yeah THAT'S what I want!" Looks like you're still being seduced by PUAs and the "red pill." You need to find purpose. Real purpose that transcends money and chicks and goes beyond getting electronic high fives from people who post on RSD Nation and Roosh's forum. The PUAs (ESPECIALLY RSD, your tone smacks me of an RSDer who just reads their materials and doesn't act on them) are wrong. They always will be wrong. Life is not only about money and chicks. Yes, you need to have a baseline success for money and chicks, whatever you are comfortable with (I'm good with average to above average chicks and $40k-$50k a year), but you need to have something much more grand to work towards. For me its getting people to recover from really shitty events in their lives while resisting the temptations of thinking like a high schooler, catching one-itis and being collectivists. I intend to make this a giant brand going into the 2030s (if possible, there's a good chance the government will own everything in the west in the 2030s lol). Maybe for you its different. Who knows. You can "borrow" my mission if you want, I don't care. As an Anarcho-Capitalist, I think stealing "intellectual property" from each other is necessary to make the person you stole from actually make better stuff. This sounds harsh but you need it mane. Good luck.
Blackdragon 2018-06-04 00:21:53
What’s the solution then?Based on past comments you've made here, I know that any answer I give you will reject. I would strongly suggest reading my book, doing what it says, and remembering that I never said you need to make a lot of money.
Berti 2018-06-04 11:54:16
I highly, highlydoubt you are successful with money or chicks with this kind of attitude. This is the kind of thing that Elliot Rodger was saying. That’s the kind of thingIwas saying in my late teens/early 20s when I thought there was a “conspiracy” against me lol. Can you guess how productive or happy I was then?lol What are you talking about? What attitude? You sound like one of those PUA guys. What conspiracy? I am good with women most of the time, cause I guess I can talk and look good or at least I am not ugly. I make good money too, I just don't care about money. I own a flat, where I get a monthly income from despite the money I earn with work and I have my savings as well. I have read the article already but I did it again, so thanks for that. I will write and think about how my life should be, so thanks for reminding me to do that.
Looks like you’re still being seduced by PUAs and the “red pill.”Really, PUA? I can't stand those guys. And what about the red pill? I thought we are all red pillers. Actually I might be more of a black pill guy.
You need to find purpose. Real purpose that transcends money and chicks and goes beyond getting electronic high fives from people who post on RSD Nation and Roosh’s forum. The PUAs (ESPECIALLY RSD, your tone smacks me of an RSDer who just reads their materials and doesn’t act on them) are wrong.I have never read anything about RSD at all. Like I said I don't believe in PUA.
They always will be wrong. Life is not only about money and chicks.That's what I said partly, I said I don't care about money. Actually I think most guys who use money to get chicks are pathetic. But what I said or rhetorically asked was, whether banging chicks seemed to be the most important thing in life. I wasn't 100% serious about it, but still...who knows.
Yes, you need to have a baseline success for money and chicks, whatever you are comfortable with (I’m good with average to above average chicks and $40k-$50k a year), but you need to have something much more grand to work towards.I make a little more than that but in € and I live in a relatively cheap yet big city. Just saying. But I know what you mean. I haven't found my purpose in life yet, that's what I struggle with. Working the whole day, going to the gym and then maybe going out on the weekends just doesn't do it for me. I like to be my own boss but I don't know which direction to go. @Blackdragon
Based on past comments you’ve made here, I know that any answer I give you will reject. I would strongly suggest reading my book, doing what it says, and remembering that I never said you need to make a lot of money.Are you sure you're not confusing me with somebody else? I barely comment on your articles. Why would I reject your answer? I have read your book already. It's an ok book in my oppinion and I am not trying to bash your work, it's just that your book isn't that different to what other guys have written already. I mean all books about self work/help, women, sex and relationships, written by men, who claim to be Alpha males or who claim to be red pilled are repetetive to some degree. Sure there are differences as well. As for the money, I was just saying that money doesn't make me happy. I remember you saying that more money makes you automatically more happy in one of our convos we once had, but it wasn't my intention to bash you for that. I was just saying I realized money and career is not for me.
Blackdragon 2018-06-04 12:39:28
Are you sure you’re not confusing me with somebody else?Nope. Here are just a few random examples of your negativity in the past: https://blackdragonblog.com/2018/03/26/18683/#comment-367443 https://blackdragonblog.com/2018/03/26/18683/#comment-367504 https://blackdragonblog.com/2018/01/11/scientific-data-women-unhappy-men/#comment-357382 https://blackdragonblog.com/2018/01/01/conditional-monogamy-one-way-monogamy/#comment-356671
Why would I reject your answer?Ask yourself, because you just did:
it’s just that your book isn’t that different to what other guys have written already. I mean all books about self work/help, women, sex and relationships, written by men, who claim to be Alpha males or who claim to be red pilled are repetetive to some degree.
Berti 2018-06-05 13:28:13
@BD So I disagreed with you on 2 topics and that still makes you angry? I am sorry, I am not going to kiss your butt just because you don't like what I have to say. I am not you, I have made my own experiences and I say what I think. There are things I agree with you and others I don't, that's why I barely have commented on most of your articles. And like I said, your book is an ok reading but nothing extraordinary at all since I have read many books like that, so why lying about it? I don't reject answers, I read them and give my oppinion. It's your problem if you can't deal with it. After all this is a discussion forum as well, it's not about you lecturing me.
Blackdragon 2018-06-05 16:40:45
I rest my case.
Marty McFly 2018-07-26 14:22:34
I identify as a raptor.
Tiago 2018-08-30 04:14:27
But aren't we designed by nature to be hunters?