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Time Management When Dating
This is an update and re-write of an old article I wrote back on the PUA forums many years ago. It will help you find the time to schedule all of those first meets, first dates, second dates, and so on, while managing the other areas of your life.
-By Caleb Jones
Time management is a life essential skill. Without time management skills, the only thing you can hope to accomplish in your life is one of two possibilities:
1. Be decently good in one area and have the rest of your life suck. This describes most men.
2. Be mediocre at lots of different things and be great at nothing. This describes most women and many younger men.
If you want to be good in multiple areas, you must learn and master time management.
In the book The Unchained Man, I lay out two detailed time management systems. Here, I’ll describe some time management basics you can use to apply to your dating life so that your woman life doesn’t suck time and energy away from your other important life areas (Mission, business, fitness, etc).
Some people have a calendar but never look at it. They whip it out, put down some appointments, and then don’t look at it for a week. Not gonna fly. If you’re busy like me, you’re probably referring to your calendar probably two or three times a day. If you’re not as busy, you can get away with referring to it once every three days. Longer than three days is not effective.
2. Decide what you are going to eliminate. One of the keys to personal effectiveness is to decide in advance what you are not going to do. What you are not going to be good at. What you are going to give up. This is tough but it must be done. You can’t do it all, and you can’t have it all. To be good at some exciting things, you must choose to eliminate other exciting things from your life. I know it sucks. Suck it up and do it.
To use myself as an example, I make a lot of money, I have a sex life that is, quite literally, equivalent to a male teenager’s wet dream, I’m very healthy, I travel the world, and I have a strong and positive family life. But I have virtually zero social life (outside of work and women). I also have virtually zero regular hobbies (outside of work and women). As I’ve talked about in my book and in other places, since I’m a Myers Briggs INTJ personality type, this setup is all perfectly fine with me, but you see my point. I don’t have it “all.” No one does, and to think otherwise is stupid and delusional.
1. I would make far less money than I currently make, and I would work longer hours.
2. I would be no where near as good at women and dating skills as I am now.
While trying to do “everything,” I would be mediocre at lots of things, instead of really good at two things (money and women) and pretty good at one thing (being a dad).
As I read posts on blogs and forums from many younger guys, I get the distinct feeling that they are following the path of being “mediocre at lots of things.” This is not, and can’t be, the path to mastery.
3. Decide upon your time categories. Once you’ve eliminated the cool stuff you aren’t going to focus on, you must categorize the ways in which you need to spend your time to reach your objectives in the areas you do want. I’ll give you my categories from my life, but yours are going to be different. As a matter of fact, I live a much fuller life than most men, so your categories will be much less numerous and complicated. I spend my time in one of 14 ways (in no particular order):
- IW (improvement work, as I describe in The Unchained Man; and I actually have two types of IW; general IW and product development IW)
- Pink Firefly time (daily time I spend with her)
- Family time (sporadic time spent with my kids or parents)
- FB time (limited to mostly wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am sex)
- Client work (any work that is done directly for my consulting clients)
- Writing time (blog articles, books, newsletters, etc.)
- Financial management (bookkeeping, reviewing my budget and sales reports, managing my investments, etc.)
- E&C (responding to email and blog/forum comments)
- SW (standard work, any necessary work that doesn’t fall into the other categories)
- MW (monthly work, a checklist of about 13 items that need to get done every month)
- Non-work projects (projects that need to get done that have nothing to do with work, like setting up a vacation or organizing my garage)
- Relaxation / Recreation (I’m very careful not to do too much of this; I have big goals)
That’s also why there are no categories like “working on the car” or “karate” or “going to concerts” or “hanging out with friends.” I would much rather work on my Mission or have sex than do any of these things. But that’s me.
Now again, you’re not me, so if you consider hanging out with friends very important to you, that’s fine. Then by all means, have a “Friends” category. This just means you must eliminate something else. See how these things all wrap together?
The advantage in having categories is twofold: A) It tells you where to spend your time, and B) it defines for you exactly what “wasting time” means to you. Both of these are valuable.
4. Schedule your key categories in your calendar at least once every three days or so, using the E3D system in my book. Also schedule any appointments in there. You don’t need to schedule every category, because some will happen automatically and/or via a habit.
Think before you schedule these things, because once you put it down, you are making an appointment with yourself, and you’re going to keep that appointment no matter what. Treat it as if it’s an appointment with your boss. (Because it is.) If you put down something you’re not sure you’re going to “make,” then put it down for a different time.
Be sure to leave gaps in your schedule. Don’t schedule your categories wall-to-wall from 6am to 11pm. You need gaps to deal with emergences, unexpected occurrences, things taking longer than you planned, and so on.
5. Schedule your dating. If you’re in dating mode right now, you’ll need a category called “women” or “dating” or “pick-up” or whatever you feel is most applicable. I have always said that any guy who wants to get good at online dating or daygame needs to schedule in those things at least three times per week. Put them in your schedule, and keep those appointments with yourself.
6. Follow your schedule. Make sure you refer to it often. Learn to make your schedule your master, not your whims or the whims of other people. This is one of the hardest habits to learn in life, but one of the most important. (And you’ll never be 100% perfect with it. That’s okay.)
7. What if “shit comes up?” It will. If what “comes up” is in one of your categories, that’s fine, take the time and address it, or whip out your schedule and schedule a time to deal with it later.
If things are coming up routinely that are outside of your categories, that means your life is out of control. You need to man-up, and get control back. Do whatever you need to do, but do not let things regularly “come up” that are not in your categories! Non-category items that “come up” are only acceptable if they happen infrequently (like a doctor’s appointment). If they’re happening all the damn time, you’ve got big life problems that you need to deal with.
I’ll use myself as an example again. For me, watching TV is a massive waste of time. It accomplishes nothing I want in life. So I don’t do it. But, I’m human, so I do allow myself to waste a little time now and then. There are times, when all my work is done, during one of my gaps in my schedule, I’ll hop on the internet and stream an episode of the old Dr. Who show from the 70s or 80s, or watch a quick scene or two from an Avengers movie. I’m wasting time, but I'm not wasting very much, and I’m doing so on my terms.
See how this is different then just coming home from work, plopping on the couch, and watching sitcom reruns or binge watching Walking Dead for four hours straight like most Americans do?
I’ve also talked about how sometimes I’ll play a video game, set a one-hour timer, play, save my game and stop playing when the timer goes off, then get back to work. Again, I’m not letting my time-wasting or recreational time suck blood from my goals, Mission, and long-term happiness.
And before I see this in the comments, if your knee-jerk response to this is that you “could never do that,” that you somehow “must” play your stupid video game for more than an hour because you lack a basic, adult level of self-control, then have fun being mediocre for the rest of your fucking life. I’m glad I’m not you.
9. Say NO. Whenever anyone asks you to do something in your work, in your family life, in your personal life, and certainly in your woman life, say NO. Be an asshole and say no. Everyone is constantly trying to give you shit to do. But it’s not your shit, it’s their shit. You don’t need more shit. You have enough shit. People who say yes to everything never accomplish a damn thing in life. One of the biggest time management skills is the ability to learn to say no.
This applies double to the women in your relationship life. Women are constantly trying to betaize you and turn you into a pussy or a slave. Be a fucking man and say NO. Even if they get mad, say no. Even if they leave you (good!!!), say no.
10. Batch your tasks. All similar tasks should be done at the same time. This has direct application to dating.
When I’m in full dating mode (and it’s been a long time since this was the case; I don’t need to “date” very much anymore since I have such a nice, steady roster of women), I can easily be working on 15-20 or more women at a time. I have women I need to message, some I need to call, some I need to text, some I need to send Facebook messages to, and so on. So I will go into all of my dating sites, apps, and social media all at once, message all the women I need to message, then I’ll pick up my phone and send six texts right there to all the women I need to text, and so on.
I’m doing all of this during my scheduled “woman” time. I’m not doing this just because a woman has just texted or left a voicemail that says “OMG, call me right now!” NO. Sorry Darling, you’re waiting until I can batch you with other phone calls to other women.
That’s it! Don’t let an active dating life interfere with your other life areas, particularly your Mission!
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nator 2018-08-30 06:44:19
Friendly Disclaimer: Most guys will burn out with this level of "overachieving" and will be happy with a bit less (i.e. more time reserved for "wasting time"/relaxation categories).
Ben 2018-08-30 07:40:10
I recently became a father for the first time, and it's really challenging my time management skills. It's getting better now that the little one is on a semi-predictable schedule (sleeping, eating, etc), but my bandwidth is still much less than what it used to be. I know this isn't a parenting blog, but do you have any high-level time management tips for guys with young kids (infants/toddlers)? Do you talk about this in any of your books?
Small Survivor 2018-08-30 07:47:32
Yep. If you want to get lots of things done you have to be a ruthless monster sometimes. As an IT Tech Support guy, you learn very fast to charge expensively when freaking EVERYONE starts asking or otherwise manipulating you to fix their computers. This article is gold!
Blackdragon 2018-08-30 07:50:43
Friendly Disclaimer: Most guys will burn out with this level of “overachieving” and will be happy with a bit less (i.e. more time reserved for “wasting time”/relaxation categories)Friendly Reminder: I'm not talking to "most guys." Read item four here.
I know this isn’t a parenting blog, but do you have any high-level time management tips for guys with young kids (infants/toddlers)?I'm a parent myself. It works the exact same way. You designate "dad time" for when you need to (and yeah, it will be a lot of time if your kids are small, which is why I recommend for Alpha 2.0 fathers that the mother be responsible for most of the child-rearing grunt tasks; you need to be out there working on your Mission, not changing diapers).
Do you talk about this in any of your books?Yes. In The Unchained Man I have an entire time management chapter plus two chapters on parenting. Combine those three chapters and there you go.
Rockie 2018-08-30 08:17:57
Do you have any techniques in order to minimise the time after sex with FBs,which are not sugar babies?The majority of them want to get some sort of validation from a guy after sex.Do you have any technique in order to minimise that,and to nicely send them home more rapidly after sex?How much time do you think is healthy to spend giving some sort of validation to an FB who wants that,in order to keep her around and not be an asshole(when the only interaction between you and her is at your home,ans she comes alone by car and leaves alone by car)?
CTV 2018-08-30 08:25:15
Instead of Eliminating all Friends, you can just eliminate the shit friends. The ones that waste time, create drama for you and such. It's like parting ways with a Malignant Tumor. That frees up some time. I moved in with my parents to pay down debt. It's put a dent in my dating life, but it's worth it for Long Term Economic Freedom. I took a slight detour in paying down debt to bank away sperm (quite a bit) so I could get my Vasectomy. Now having that done I can have kids on MY TERMS, if at all.
Basquez 2018-08-30 08:30:15
Hi BD,I live in a third world country and i have a big salary more than the people who live in the western world.Because I do not want to lose time going to my Mltrs homes(those who do not have a car) and bring them to my house( in order to have sex and spend time togheter).If i pay them the taxi everytime,to come and to leave,will betaization increase?Will this thing destroy my EFA in some form?
Blackdragon 2018-08-30 09:22:16
Rockie/Basquez - Do not change your name in the middle of a thread. Pick one name and stick with it.
Do you have any techniques in order to minimise the time after sex with FBs,which are not sugar babies? The majority of them want to get some sort of validation from a guy after sex. Do you have any technique in order to minimise that,and to nicely send them home more rapidly after sex?Give them a little validation instead of focusing on zero. Talk to them for 10-15 minutes before sex (or more if you want), have sex, then talk for 5 minutes after sex, then they go. Under that model, it is very rare for me to have an FB who wants to talk to me for a long time after sex. I've virtually never had a problem getting an FB out of my house after sex pretty quickly; but I give them some validation before sex.
How much time do you think is healthy to spend giving some sort of validation to an FB who wants that, in order to keep her around and not be an asshole (when the only interaction between you and her is at your home,ans she comes alone by car and leaves alone by car)?15 minutes or so, or more (but only if you want more).
Instead of Eliminating all Friends,This is not my advice.
Hi BD,I live in a third world country and i have a big salary more than the people who live in the western world. Because I do not want to lose time going to my Mltrs homes (those who do not have a car) and bring them to my house (in order to have sex and spend time togheter). If i pay them the taxi everytime,to come and to leave,will betaization increase? Will this thing destroy my EFA in some form?If they're under age 23, no. If they're over age 23, a little.
Harry Flashman 2018-08-30 09:40:12
I’m well organized with a successful career. But this sounds like a miserable existence. Of course, I’m an outgoing sociable person. To each his own. I gladly trade a little less “success” for a little more freedom. It’s funny though how all of this is so utterly foreign to women. The vast majority of women I’ve known, many working professionals, can’t keep a calendar or plan their finances. They sort of float through life. It’s amazing. As difficult as it is for most men to follow your above advice, I would bet it’s damn near impossible for 99% of women.
CTV 2018-08-30 10:25:21
BD I wasn't trying to misquote your advice on when I said (instead of Eliminating All Friends) I know that wasn't your meaning, I was just saying that is what I did.
es 2018-08-30 10:51:18
love your time management stuff. no doubt if I maximized my time my biggest dreams can happen! I will sit down and continue to hone this. Getting beyond that average threshold is paramount.
Vaquero357 2018-08-30 10:54:59
I remember #9 very well from your original MASF post (yeah, I've been following you that long). I remember printing it out and taping it over my computer screen. I've fallen off a bit from following that rule. Other people - family, clients, coworkers, women (especially!), strangers on the steet - love, love, LOVE to be Time Vampires with your time. Most of us are far too nice with them. Be ruthless in saying "NO"!! Time to print out a new copy and get back on the wagon.
CrabRangoon 2018-08-30 10:59:33
#9 Say No This is probably one of the most key points in the list, especially for those who are people pleasers (used to be one myself). Get very comfortable saying NO to all people in your life...girls, friends, even family. Sure you'll get guilt trips from some of these folks but who cares? They'll get over it. I find it's tough to get this across because I'm not married and don't have kids. Everyone assumes I have tons of time for that reason. I don't. I work, am part of a band and have other projects going at any given time plus I need alone time since I slide more towards the introverted side of the scale. I'm actually busier right now than most married people I know. People in your life always want something from you, particularly your time. They will gleefully fill up every minuet of your day if you let them.
JudoJohn 2018-08-30 11:36:50
I work remotely, but it's no panacea, especially for a fairly social guy like me. 1) I've thought of going to a 55/5 minute split, focusing hard for 55 minutes, then walking away for 5 before getting back to it. Rational? 2) I have some non-work goals, for instance, working through a book on project finance, or a new programming language. Would it be better to work a 45/10/5 split, working for 45 minutes, studying my stuff for 10, then walking away for 5, or instead stick with the 55/5 split and make one of the 55's my own studying? 3) I often work in coffee shops, museums, libraries, and brewpubs, although I drink water when on the clock (at least until the last hour). I can't count it as day gaming....but is it irrational to think of it as passive day gaming? i.e., glancing around occasionally, and if there is a clear enough IOI (which happens often), approaching....or is this just a recipe for distraction? Excellent advice all around.....A needed kick, I'm now thinking hard about better time management, thanks for posting this.
JudoJohn 2018-08-30 12:31:54
And just a knock on question.....is it OK to say "Here's 14 hours to get 12 specified, 1-hour blocks of stuff done" and then do whichever of the 12 blocks you're in the mood for in that particular hour, as long as you get all 12 done....or is it better to stick to a specific schedule, with time slots for activities planned ahead of time?
Blackdragon 2018-08-30 12:36:56
1) I’ve thought of going to a 55/5 minute split, focusing hard for 55 minutes, then walking away for 5 before getting back to it. Rational?Yes, rational, but personality-dependent. One model is to work for for 60 minutes, then break for 15, then work for 60, and do that all day long until you're done. What you're describing is similar and it does work. But it won't work for everyone. For example, it wouldn't work for me because I get very immersed (in "the zone") when I work sometimes, particularly when I write. But you should try it and see if it works for you. It might work great.
2) I have some non-work goals, for instance, working through a book on project finance, or a new programming language.I consider those work goals since they're part of your financial life. But I get what you mean.
Would it be better to work a 45/10/5 split, working for 45 minutes, studying my stuff for 10, then walking away for 5, or instead stick with the 55/5 split and make one of the 55’s my own studying?Nooooo. Focus on one thing for as long as you can until that one thing is done. What you're suggesting is very scattershot. I would even break out studying for certain days, not every day.
3) I often work in coffee shops, museums, libraries, and brewpubs, although I drink water when on the clock (at least until the last hour). I can’t count it as day gaming….but is it irrational to think of it as passive day gaming? i.e., glancing around occasionally, and if there is a clear enough IOI (which happens often), approaching….or is this just a recipe for distraction?It's fine. I've done that myself. But I don't recommend doing that while working on something very important or immersive. Do the on-the-fly daygame while you're doing shit like responding to emails, bookkeeping, and other grunt work tasks, not creative work.
is it OK to say “Here’s 14 hours to get 12 specified, 1-hour blocks of stuff done” and then do whichever of the 12 blocks you’re in the mood for in that particular hour, as long as you get all 12 done….or is it better to stick to a specific schedule, with time slots for activities planned ahead of time?Personality dependent. Both approaches are valid but only one will work well for you. Try both and see which one works better for you. (I personally do a more complicated combination of the two, but I have a much more complex work schedule than most people.)
JudoJohn 2018-08-30 12:59:26
Excellent, and yeah I have about a 60/40 split between immersive, creative work and grunt work. BD, thanks, I know this is your bread and butter. I'll experiment more and see what works best, along with developing some yardsticks. Again, obliged.
zaker 2018-08-30 14:46:44
I agree with the time management techniques, but I've found interesting, non-offtopic thing to latch on. Since you touched the topic of achievement and averageness though, I have to follow up on nator's comment. Western culture is mentally ill with attitude to achievement. It's a strong SP and it's present in you BD. It says: you are not a valuable human being unless you're above average or you achieve a lot. It's a belief, and it's a limiting one. While there are numerous people that have achieved a lot while having this belief, my argument is that it is not because of the belief, but in spite of it, and they were less happy because of such belief. There are numerous people who did not have such belief yet they achieved a lot. My conclusion is that to measure your self-worth or happiness on how much you're achieving is 1) limiting, 2) not true, because you cannot prove that a human being is less worthy than another solely based on how much he's achieved - what exactly would be the measurement? There is no scientific measurement of a human's worth, therefore the argument is invalid. I have yet to see a person who has succeeded in proving this. I've recently finished The Subtle Art Of Not Giving a Fuck. Manson writes well about this problem (as well as telling the reader that you should get married every couple pages, which made the otherwise decent book harder to read) Moreover, in my experience, whenever I had a wrong belief/reason to base upon when motivating myself to do something, that goal would suffer a lot. Note that nowhere have I said to be average, or to not try, or to not do, or to not strive to be the best at what you do. In fact, almost ironically, all of your techniques, such as niche yourself, work in tandem with the attitude that I wrote about above - in case of niching, it's very hard to be very good at "fitness advice", but it's much much easier (also on your achievement stress! Which begins where you base your self-worth if you share the damaging belief I wrote about above). The only thing I say is that there is a better attitude that takes nothing away from you in the context of achieving things, if that's important to you, and instead gives more happiness, is healthier and more spiritually correct, if that's a thing, and I feel like it's a heresy to put it this way anyway. Consider this: if you suddenly, due to an accident or illness, lost most of your ability that allows you to succeed at things you're really good at, you'd become very depressed, maybe suicidal, maybe you'd kill yourself. I know this myself that this would be incredibly hard for me, as I've only recently realized how much I base my self-worth on achievement. For example, I have developed extensive listening skills (as in, audio/music-wise). As an experiment, I imagine what I'd do if I went deaf tomorrow. I'd literally lose all the progress and benefits of developing those skills and all that is connected to them. All the time gone. Or imagine losing an arm. Or your penis. It's fucking scary. We're addicted to achievement. Addiction is the opposite of freedom, which is basis of A2.0 lifestyle. Now, I could be wrong about those things. Think this through. Conclusion: you don't need to negatively motivate yourself to achieve great things. Let happiness be happiness, self-worth be self-worth and achievement be achievement.
JudoJohn 2018-08-30 15:09:07
We’re addicted to achievement.Women don't care about the struggle, they hang out at the finish line and fuck the winners. Judo is a full contact combat sport. I will doubtless be thrown on my ass tonight. But the mere fact that I grapple 6 hours a week (and lift) means that I've achieved a body type and physical countenance that pulls IOI's from women half my age.
self-worth be self-worthFuck self-worth. Humans are social critters and our lives are social games. To play the game, you have to bring something others find worthy to the table. To enjoy the value of others one must bring value oneself. Managing one's time, not down to the gnat's ass but as BD described, gives one an advantage in the game.
Blackdragon 2018-08-30 15:43:25
It’s a strong SP and it’s present in you BD. It says: you are not a valuable human being unless you’re above average or you achieve a lot.You won't be of lower value as a human if you are average. What a silly thing to imply. But you will be less happy these days if all you are is average. Decades ago, when the world was a very different place, a man could indeed be average and long-term happy. Today, no, it's near impossible to do so. (I have an article coming up about exactly this topic.) So I'm not talking about human value. I'm talking about long-term happiness, as always.
Consider this: if you suddenly, due to an accident or illness, lost most of your ability that allows you to succeed at things you’re really good at, you’d become very depressed, maybe suicidal, maybe you’d kill yourself.Incorrect. My highest goal is long-term happiness, so If I was disabled, I would still find a way. You think my objective is achievement. It is not. It is happiness. I do not believe in achievement for achievement's sake. Read this.
We’re addicted to achievement.Utterly incorrect. Society is addicted to ease and laziness. 50% of all families in the USA are on some kind of government assistance, as just one of many horrible statistics I could cite. Most people in the Western world are unhappy, lazy fucks. Achievement is the last thing they want.
Conclusion: you don’t need to negatively motivate yourself to achieve great things. Let happiness be happiness, self-worth be self-worth and achievement be achievement.1. I believe in positive motivation, but I also agree that some negative motivation can help sometimes as well. 2. In order to be long-term happy in today's society, some level of a achievement will be required. Not a lot, but some. (Ex: I say make $75K per year, not $500K or whatever; I say have two girls on rotation, not fuck 100 girls; and so on.)
rgz 2018-08-30 16:20:15
What do you do on your non-scheduled time? You said don't book stuff 06:00-23:00 but also don't waste time. So if you have something 14:00-17:00 then 18:00-19:00 what do you do on the 1 hour gap?
X 2018-08-30 17:37:39
Humans are social critters and our lives are social games.Just become a sociopath. Don't need to achieve shit (for society that will milk the fruits of YOUR labor). Don't give fuck about society and it's stupid monkey games (play you OWN game using these useless eaters for YOUR own good). And women will LOVE you for it. But you won't give a fuck about that either.
X 2018-08-30 17:40:15
Most people in the Western world are unhappy, lazy fucks. Achievement is the last thing they want.This is just the opposite side of the coin. Lazy fucks versus crazy overachievers. There is no middle ground.
Prof21 2018-08-30 19:10:04
Hey BD, As an INTJ, how do you deal with per perfectionism?
Blackdragon 2018-08-30 20:56:36
So if you have something 14:00-17:00 then 18:00-19:00 what do you do on the 1 hour gap?I take a break. I could eat a snack or lunch, go for a quick walk, watch some YouTube videos, watch a movie or movie clip, have sex, etc. Breaks are necessary for high productivity. They are not wasted time. Wasting time would be doing something frivolous (watching TV, playing video games, arguing about politics on social media, watching porn, etc) for hours on end. I do not do this.
Lazy fucks versus crazy overachievers. There is no middle ground.Right. Those are the only two types of people. Okay.
As an INTJ, how do you deal with per perfectionism?I don't see correlation between INTJ and perfectionism. I'm a hardcore INTJ, but if you could see my desk right now, or if you notice the number of typos in my blog posts (and past books), you'd clearly see I'm not a perfectionist at all. I'm a little anal sometimes, but not a perfectionist. I'm too focused on action and results.
Vanilla Boy 2018-08-30 23:45:34
To improve time management by reducing time spent on social media and news sites, I've installed a program called Cold Turkey, a very strong blocking program that is practically impossible to route around. I can't look at newspapers, media site, Facebook, instagram and so on until 7pm. The first week I used it was painful. That stuff is addictive as smack. Getting women out of the house? Just let em know beforehand that you have things you need to do at a certain time. I also have a 20 minutes a day rule for certain creative projects that are easy to put off when there are things piling up. I promise I'll spend AT LEAST 20 minutes a day on those projects. Can be more, but not less. You can always find 20 minutes. And doing something every day on them keeps them alive. I also do it with reading books, except it's AT LEAST one chapter or 10 minutes a day. Can be more, but not less.
Vanilla Boy 2018-08-30 23:49:24
PS I think I'm gonna have to regretfully add this blog to the sites that I can only look at after 7pm.
zaker 2018-08-31 03:27:53
I have an article coming up about exactly this topic.I'm all eyes. As for achievement addiction, it's the opposite coin of that lazyness. The people who used to be lazy, or their families were, take a rocket into self-improvement-ville and instead become the extreme on the opposite side of the spectrum.
So I’m not talking about human value. I’m talking about long-term happiness, as always.The question is, how much exactly do you need to achieve? What 10% of men are you aiming for? How much achievement is enough? Snswering this question for myself, I need lots of free time, at least compared to you, BD. Sort of like free writing - just for the sake of it being free, unrestrained fun, doing whatever I feel like at the moment, letting the subconscious and spontaneity take the wheel. I'm a child, though. That doesn't mean that free time is playing games or wasting time on the Internet. Internet has been too addictive for me to let it run unrestrained. Wasting time is still wasting time. I repeatedly did have successful research on new stuff on the Internet in the area of my interest, but it's easy to do too much of it. I need a couple hours here and there, sometimes a full day, sometimes a full week, to do nothing and see where it takes me. As long as my mind isn't occuppied by some kind of struggle during that time (such as addictions), that's the best time I could spend. All the random small desires I wanted to do in my childhood or teens, or even lately, resurface. For me, those small desires amount for long-term happiness. It might be cooking a random new meal with a girl. It might be going to a trip to a 300km away friend that I haven't seen for a while. It might be doing something completely new just for the sake of it. It puts me into the zone. I crave new experiences like a fat dude craves hamburgers. I need lots of variety in my activities, otherwise I get stale, my creativity and happiness plummet, my relationships get boring. I respect your opinion.
JudoJohn 2018-08-31 06:12:00
The question is, how much exactly do you need to achieve? What 10% of men are you aiming for?Answering this for myself, I'm pretty happy as a senior analyst. I think I can continue to get relatively well paid analyst jobs the rest of my career. AI simply isn't able to be a "data scientist unicorn" that is, have all three of mathematical ability, programming ability, and domain expertise. If computers don't remain as dumb as I think they will, no one is safe. And of course I'll hedge. But I'm not one of those driven kids, and I work with a bunch of them. I have no problem working for them and leading up the command chain. I don't know how one would be a lone wolf consultant in project finance....and yes, I'll explore that too, I already said in this thread making time for continuing education is important. Still, I work on deals in the hundreds of millions of dollars, so it's hard to see how they'd bring on a lone wolf, but.....it's an open question. My point is I'm not aiming the guys at the heads of those deals. Physically, however, I'm aiming square at the top 1%, and of younger guys than me. I realized competing in judo is rough, but with my judo skills I'd do really well in BJJ, so I took that up. I also run and lift weights. Probably 12 hours a week, plus some outdoor recreation, vigorous stuff, rock climbing and backpacking. There's a reason I talked above about passive IOI's. Plus, the key to long life is vigorous physicality. Plus, I just have a great time with it all. And yeah, I'm a better cook than most. Thinking that you have to achieve in a traditional way is also limiting.
joelsuf 2018-08-31 07:08:14
One of the keys to personal effectiveness is to decide in advance what you are not going to do. What you are not going to be good at. What you are going to give up. This is tough but it must be done. You can’t do it all, and you can’t have it all. To be good at some exciting things, you must choose to eliminate other exciting things from your life. I know it sucks.I think this is one of the most important paragraphs you have ever written across all your blogs and books, BD. This paragraph has stared a hole into my soul and now I'm at a crossroads. I love my hobbies and stuff, but it's getting more and more clear that I might have to drop my hobbies in order to be as successful as I want to be.
joelsuf 2018-08-31 07:12:01
The paragraph about saying NO is also amazing and something I had to learn the hard way. I'm considering hard nexting my immediate family because of the bullshit they wanted me to do for them that was cutting into my time. I already effectively "bought" them out of my life by signing my late grandmother's house over to them, so they can rot for all I care with their booze, cigarettes, marijuana, and gambling.
Blackdragon 2018-08-31 10:30:00
The question is, how much exactly do you need to achieve?I've been very clear about that. The answer is: 1. $75,000 USD per year in income, ideally from location independent sources and your own small business with no employees. 2. At least two women on sexual rotation while avoiding legal entanglements. 3. Good phyiscal health. That's all most men need to achieve long-term consistent happiness. Any man reading these words can accomplish those three things given a few years. No excuses. You really need to read my book. The ebook version is only $7.
What 10% of men are you aiming for?You must be new to this blog because I've been very clear about that as well. The answer is: Those beta males who are tired of being slaves, and those Alpha Male 1.0s tired of the work and drama.
I think this is one of the most important paragraphs you have ever written across all your blogs and books, BD.Yep. The big problem with men in their 20s is that they try to do everything. Can't be done.
David 2018-08-31 13:08:52
I agree on the lazy fuck comment. I see myself with the same tendencies. I have a credo written on my whiteboard that I actually modified from a Roosh quote: "Stop settling for comfort. Start pursuing discipline." It was my discipline that helped me learn guitar, bass, drums, italian, spanish, internet marketing, graphic design, investing, entrepreneurship, fitness, etc. Talent didnt do jack shit, and Im better off than anyone I knew growing up , including older relatives. When most people realize that success at anything actually requires discipline and hard work, they say " I'd rather enjoy my life." Ten minutes later they go back to complaining about how much life sucks. No YOUR life sucks, and you made it that way, lazy fuck lol.
Blackdragon 2018-08-31 14:13:52
When most people realize that success at anything actually requires discipline and hard work, they say ” I’d rather enjoy my life.” Ten minutes later they go back to complaining about how much life sucks.Exactly correct and I've seen the same thing hundreds of times. "Hey man, that sounds like too much work. I just want to enjoy my life." This is almost always code for "I'm lazy and I'd rather sit back and bitch about my my irritating-shitty-mediocre life than put in 2-4 years of work to make my life much better forever."
joelsuf 2018-08-31 15:00:58
When most people realize that success at anything actually requires discipline and hard work, they say ” I’d rather enjoy my life.” Ten minutes later they go back to complaining about how much life sucks. No YOUR life sucks, and you made it that way, lazy fuck lol.LMAO you pretty much described nearly EVERYONE I know back where I grew up. Thing is, working your face off IS enjoyable if you can do it the right way. I've been doing freelance writing for a little over a year now and it is awesome. I actually need to worry about jumping into the freelance writing rabbit hole so much this way I'm not writing for like 30 people this way I don't get overwhelmed lol. Incidentally, the ONE person who says "I'd rather enjoy my life" and actually MEANS it is a disabled guy I live with. Being mentally disabled (really bad ADHD, autistic and grand mal epileptic), he doesn't mind working part time jobs and collecting disability checks. Makes about $20k a year from both. He knows where the ceiling is and is content. Sure that makes him very beta, but at least the motherfucker's happy. Only thing he complains about is stuff at his job and even then its a very short burst. Still has that innocent curiosity and charm that every pissy beta and alpha 1 want back so much. Can't say that about...pretty much anyone else in my life.
bluegreenguitar 2018-08-31 15:06:17
Lots of good ideas - thanks! 2 of my sticking points: 1. Not taking into account need for recovery. For example, I'll "budget" 2 hours to work out, but sometimes it takes me no time to recover, whereas other times, I'll need four hours to recover. How does one take into account large variability of time in relation to certain activities? 2. If I focus too much on one project/area of my life, then my life becomes unbalanced to a point where I need to address other areas of life. Rebalancing usually takes me a lot of time/energy. I can still make progress, but what might take a dedicated month to accomplish may instead take me 6 months with a healthy life balance. Is this normal? Suggestions? Thanks
Mariano 2018-08-31 21:10:46
Hello Caleb! If you have virtually zero social life, does that mean you don't have friends? please elaborate. Or what do you really mean with social life?
Blackdragon 2018-09-01 08:31:36
For example, I’ll “budget” 2 hours to work out, but sometimes it takes me no time to recover, whereas other times, I’ll need four hours to recover. How does one take into account large variability of time in relation to certain activities?I'm not sure what you mean by "recover," but if this keeps happening to you, simply double your time allocations. If you think it will take 2 hours, assume it will take 4 hours and schedule accordingly. If it ends up taking only 2 or 3 hours, great, move on to the next project.
If I focus too much on one project/area of my life, then my life becomes unbalanced to a point where I need to address other areas of life. Rebalancing usually takes me a lot of time/energy. I can still make progress, but what might take a dedicated month to accomplish may instead take me 6 months with a healthy life balance. Is this normal? Suggestions?I don't believe in life balance, and what you're talking about is one of the reasons. Instead I believe in focusing one or two projects at a time in terms of weekly or day-to-day basis, and in terms of macro I focus on only those 2-4 key areas that give me the biggest positive return and happiness. Refer to Chapter 7 in The Unchained Man where I describe the Seven Life Areas.
If you have virtually zero social life, does that mean you don’t have friends? please elaborate.I have a social life as the term is normally used, in that I am around other people all the time, almost consistently. I don't have a social life as I use define the term as part of the SLA (again in Chapter 7 in The Unchained Man where I describe the Seven Life Areas) since all these people are almost always either women I'm having sex with (woman life), people I work with (financial life), or family members (family life). I have friends, but these are all work friends or FBs and so on.
joelsuf 2018-09-01 08:33:49
Or what do you really mean with social life?He means hanging out with friends and family and stuff. He doesn't do "guys nights" where he just chills with his guy friends. He likely has swapped that out for chilling with/having sex with Firefly and his FBs, which to me is pretty much the same thing only way better.
Andrea 2018-09-01 10:53:29
Hi BD, Can you share how PF spends her time? Time management is very difficult to master so I'm curious to see how the woman you love does it.
David 2018-09-01 12:03:27
Rebalancing usually takes me a lot of time/energy Personality types are different. I know some people who must be manically happy and excited about something just to start it, then they quit when the excitement wears off. I think you may be overzealous in the beginning, and everything else takes a back seat. In my opinion, sure some PROJECTS can get done with a few months of intense focus and labor, but most of my goals require habits and systems to be followed for years. It takes years to truly master an instrument, language, etc, so I have weekly routines and I try to make them fun.
Blackdragon 2018-09-01 16:00:40
Can you share how PF spends her time? Time management is very difficult to master so I’m curious to see how the woman you love does it.She doesn't need to worry about time management much since she's a corporate employee. She's gone at her job all day, during the evening when she gets home, she relaxes. Pretty simple. This will all change in about a month when she quits her job to work full time on her businesses (and my marketing company). I'll talk about that in my next OLTR Marriage update.
Anon 2018-09-01 17:31:14
she quits her job to work full time on her businesses (and my marketing company)That will make you date your business partner essentially. Do you think it being the OLTR negates the rule?
Blackdragon 2018-09-01 18:57:02
That will make you date your business partner essentially.Utterly incorrect. Having any business partner of any kind is a direct violation of Alpha 2.0, and having your OLTR be a business partner is a direct violation of OLTR Marriage. PF will not own even 1% of any of my companies and never will. (And vice versa.) Instead, my OLTR wife be one of my virtual assistants. That's perfectly allowed. I've had MLTRs in the past do the same.
Do you think it being the OLTR negates the rule?Absolutely not. See above. I'm not answering any more PF questions in this thread. I'll discuss that when I post our next relationship update, which is coming soon.
Cyx 2018-09-02 02:52:20
Starting as a virgin, how many hours goes into getting “at least two women on sexual rotation while avoiding legal entanglements”, and how many additional hours are needed to be as good as getting sex as you? Do other valuable skills tend to take more or less time to achieve?
Blackdragon 2018-09-02 10:04:34
Starting as a virgin, how many hours goes into getting “at least two women on sexual rotation while avoiding legal entanglements”, and how many additional hours are needed to be as good as getting sex as you?There's no way I can provide you with that number because everyone is different. Speaking in general, it will take you 1-2 years of practice to get really good with women, but it probably won't take you nearly that long to get 2 women on rotation. Getting 2 FBs or MLTRs isn't that hard.
Do other valuable skills tend to take more or less time to achieve?Yeah, in general.
GoodSense3 2018-09-02 14:43:10
When does your how to get to sex fast audiobook release?
Blackdragon 2018-09-02 16:24:23
When does your how to get to sex fast audiobook release?In the next 24-48 hours. Watch this blog.
joelsuf 2018-09-02 19:19:05
Starting as a virgin, how many hours goes into getting “at least two women on sexual rotation while avoiding legal entanglements”, and how many additional hours are needed to be as good as getting sex as you?That depends on a number of things. First, how old you are, second, how much DSR (Dating, sex, relationships) SP you have encountered and how strongly it has influenced your mindsets towards the opposite sex, and lastly, how experienced you are outside of sex. It could take as short as a few months because you need to fix just a couple of things or as long as five years if you have been around a lot of crazy SP that influenced you.
Mariano 2018-09-02 19:44:24
Caleb, I have no idea where to put this question: Do you cover in your book about how to deal when women want to talk about feminism? I tend to answer "I don't care", but I don't know if this is correct or not. I know I shouldn't try to argue. I'm talking about the first-second date. Sorry, this is totally off topic. Maybe you could write something about this if more people are interested?
Vanilla Boy 2018-09-02 20:21:26
Do you cover in your book about how to deal when women want to talk about feminism?Personally, I'd go with sympathetic murmering and let them tell you. Maybe some light hearted jokes, but nothing that would imply that you are belittling what they are saying. Better still, try and deflect the conversation away from ideology and onto their own personal experiences at work and so on. But it's not a good sign if they give you an angry rant or a self pity fest on the first or second date. At that stage, they should still also be trying to make a good impression on you. Otherwise, generally supportive, non committal, positive without denying any negative feelings they may have. But don't try to win points by saying stuff you don't believe (aka "feminist fucker").
Martin 2018-09-03 04:23:25
Starting as a virgin, how many hours goes into getting “at least two women on sexual rotation while avoiding legal entanglements”, and how many additional hours are needed to be as good as getting sex as you?With these kinds of questions, I always wonder - what do you want? What kind of answer do you want to hear? Are you looking for an excuse to not get started, because it's too hard? Would it make a difference if it took you 3 months or 3 years? Would you not bother with it, if the effort were to great? You either want it or you don't, and the time to get started is now, no difference how long it will take you. This is similar to newbie weight lifters asking "how fast can I put on muslce?" It doesn't fucking matter! Get out there and lift (or approach women), the rest will take care of itself.
Wilson 2018-09-03 08:37:30
How many hours per week do you budget for responding to these comments
Blackdragon 2018-09-03 09:45:18
Do you cover in your book about how to deal when women want to talk about feminism?Just nod, give no opinions, and keep asking questions, eventually steering the conversation away from that. Read my book Get To Sex Fast for precise instructions on how to avoid topics like this on 1st/2nd dates.
How many hours per week do you budget for responding to these commentsE&C time (responding to comments on all of my websites plus all of my email) takes me 45 minutes per day. I don't track commenting time separate from email time because I consider those two activities the same, so obviously responding to comments takes much less time than 45 minutes because I get a lot of email. I only respond to comments on the current two blog posts to keep commenting time to a minimum. I also refuse to read or respond to long comments.
johnnybegood 2018-09-04 12:54:58
This post makes sense. However, a lot of issue with this -- the big Important Calendar -- is that planning is one thing, execution is another. I can write down "run 8 miles a day" every day in the calendar. In fact I typically do run 8 miles a day. But I have a long history of running. So I know. The discipline/ motivation required to do that is high. Having a plan is one thing. Having the discipline to stick to it is another. One way of doing that is systems -- trying to stack the odds in your favor, like not having any ho-hos in the house if you're on a diet. Take away the choice. But that's still something I need to figure out. How do I stay disciplined in all areas of life? Another part of the equation I think is mental energy. They say that a person can only make so many decisions in a given day, important decisions. Deal with a certain intellectual-cognitive load. I'll have to find the exact research --- but essentially, like spending focus/ effort on "what cereal should I really eat today" -- will negatively impact your abilities later in the day, vs. a guy saying "fuck it, not wasting energy on this decision" -- and limiting what pesters him through the day. So why is that relevant? Well I have a very intellectually demanding data warehouse/ SQL database administration 9-5 job. I'm constantly doing complex, deep-thought, unique challenge Big Data problem solving for some Big Corporation. Problem is, when I get home and want to work on my own ventures to free me from the corporate nipple, it's like I'm zonked out and barely want to focus on more intellectual problem solving. But maybe that's just an excuse. I think mental/ physical energy management is an important consideration as well. It's more than just time. An unrelated minor question for you --- How much time do you devote to cleaning/ maintaining your house? I feel like I use/ almost waste a TON of time cleaning the house all the damn time. I'd hire a maid but I'm not sure if they really clean clutter and I'm worried about security stuff. What do you usually do here? The maid route?
Blackdragon 2018-09-04 19:26:48
Having a plan is one thing. Having the discipline to stick to it is another.Two different topics. I'm only discussing the former in this article.
How much time do you devote to cleaning/ maintaining your house?Near zero. I have a small house, I'm very clean and organized, I am pretty minimalist so I don't own a lot, and clean as I go. When needed I have maids, but we're talking once every few months.
C Lo 2018-09-04 21:56:18
Do you cover in your book about how to deal when women want to talk about feminism?I can you what I tell them - the truth. I'm all for it. Hey, look at that! Isn't that dog adorable! (Change subject to anything - anything at all - of neutral subject as fast as possible, and get back to keeping it light and having fun).