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Alpha Male Forgiveness
A core part of long-term consistent happiness is the concept and practice of forgiveness, a difficult thing for most people.
-By Caleb Jones
To fulfill your potential, to develop your full mental capacities and to liberate your emotional and spiritual energies, you absolutely must forgive everyone who has ever hurt you in any way. You must "let go" and walk away from your anger and your resentment.Yep. He’s right. Holding on to anger or resentment is one of the dumbest things you can do, even if the other person was 100% wrong and you were 100% right.
The problem with forgiveness is that it can imply, at least to some, that you’re acting like a beta male and are thus letting people walk all over you, or continually treat you with disrespect.
Today I will explain forgiveness from the Alpha Male point of view (specifically Alpha 2.0, of course) so that you can forgive while still retaining your Alpha status in your work, family, and social circles.
While forgiveness is required, forgiveness, in and of itself, is not enough. The beta male (and some higher-drama Alpha Male 1.0s) forgive and tolerate. Your job is to forgive and not tolerate.
In other words, forgiveness isn’t the problem. Tolerance of shitty behavior from others is.
Let’s say your mom is a total bitch. Obviously you love your mom because she’s your mom. But whenever you spend time with her she screams at you, criticizes you, berates you, and so on.
You need to forgive her while not tolerating this crap from her. You need to do both at the same time.
The beta male (and some higher-drama Alpha 1.0s) tolerates this crap and puts up with it. He still spends time with his mom on a regular basis despite the fact she verbally abuses him. Obviously, this is unacceptable if you want to be long-term happy. As I’ve said before, just because someone is your mom (or dad, or child, or girlfriend, or wife, or best friend, or whatever) doesn’t give that person the right to give you drama. No one has the right to give you drama. No one.
Since most humans are either women or beta males, putting up with bullshit from family members and other close people is a societal norm. It’s weak, pathetic, and destructive.
Another approach is when a man screams at his abusive mom, calls her a fucking bitch, swears to never talk to her again, then leaves, cuts off all contact, and then carries around a loadstone of resentment in his mind for years. I’ve known several people who have done this with people in their pasts. They don’t tolerate crap, which is good. But they never forgive, which is physiologically destructive.
You’ll notice that people like that will complain about their mothers (or ex-wives, or ex-best friends, or whatever) for years. They will even blame their current negative conditions on these people, even if they haven’t spoken to them in years. “I have trouble dating women because back when I was a teenager, my mom was a fucking bitch and blah blah blah excuse excuse excuse…”
Years ago, I was in a reasonably serious relationship with a woman who would occasionally bitch about her ex-husband. The problem was that the divorce was 13 years in the past. I get bitching about your ex if you’re currently going through a divorce, but 13 years later? She had not forgiven him, and she was paying the price for this, 13 years later.
Back when they were married, he had an affair, divorced her, and married his lover. He was still married to this woman 13 years later. The woman I was dating had a daughter and had to coordinate with both him and his wife on occasion. She actually had his wife’s name in her phone as “Home Wrecker.”
Again, she hadn’t forgiven him. Or the new wife. She should have. It doesn't matter whose fault it was. If you want to be happy, you need to forgive.
(I also suspect she still had some feelings for him, since you can’t hate someone without having some love for that person on some level. I didn’t give a shit about my ex-wife and never talked about her, yet it had only been a few years since the divorce. I didn’t love my ex-wife anymore, so I didn’t hate her. I didn’t give a shit and had moved on.)
Therefore, the correct move, if long-term happiness is what you want, is to both forgive and not tolerate. You do both, not one or the other.
So in the case of your bitchy mom, you say to her (in a calm voice), “Mom, I love you, but I’m not going to spend any time with you if you can’t behave like a normal adult. Bye!”
Then you soft next your mom exactly as I describe in this article here about how to soft next problematic family members. Remember, a soft next is temporary. I’m not saying you never talk to your mom ever again. I am saying you don’t talk to your mom, spend any time with her, or go to any family events where she’ll be there for about a year or two.
During this nexting period, you forgive your mom. You can either forgive her internally, just between you and yourself, or you can forgive her externally, by sending her an email saying you forgive her. Either way, you completely forgive every bad thing she’s ever said to you, reminding yourself that one can only love others as much as one loves themselves. If she’s that abusive to you, she probably doesn’t love herself very much, and (perhaps) she’s doing the best she can. Don’t take it personally. Forgive her. Give her blanket amnesty. And then move on.
…and remember to maintain that soft next! Don't be a pussy! Forgiveness does not mean you tolerate drama. Forgiveness means that while you’ve cut that person out of your life (temporarily or permanently) you release all the anger and resentment you feel towards that person, mentally love that person, and get on with your fantastic life and your Mission.
Who You Should Forgive (and Not Tolerate)
For most people, here is the list of people you need to forgive, listed in order.
1. Forgive your parents.
Look, your parents probably fucked up. Even if you had good parents (I did) they still probably fucked you up at least a little (mine did). It’s normal. Forgive them. While everything in your life is your fault, and this applies to your parents, they probably did the best they could under the conditions they created for themselves, the age they did it, and their personalities when they did it.
I say this as a man who, very stupidly, became a father at age 25. I was way, way too young. My kids will probably have to deal with some problems based on some of the stupid mistakes I made as a young kid trying to be a parent back then, just like I probably need to because of my parents (my mom being a former Catholic nun and my dad being a former hippie with a disturbed past), just like you probably need to based on your parents, and just like your kids (if you have any) might have to because of mistakes you made when they were little.
We’re all human, we’re all flawed, and that includes your parents. Regardless of the horrible things they did, forgive them, release that anger, and move on. You can’t be happy if you don’t do this.
2. Forgive your Ex (all of them)
Being angry about an ex is the stupidest thing in the universe. Do you know why? Because YOU are the one who dated (or married) the bitch. No one put a gun to your head. YOU did that of your own free will. So if you’re angry about your ex-wife or ex-girlfriend or ex-whomever, you’re just showing the world how stupid you are. You’re the one who was with that person. What does it demonstrate if you’re still angry at that person?
Long-time readers may have noticed that I’ve never said anything insulting or disparaging about my ex-wife that wasn’t a simple statement of fact. I did this on purpose. Bitching about your ex just makes you look bad because you were the one who dated (or married) that person.
Any time I see anyone (man or woman) bitch about an ex, my reaction is always the same: “Uh, you were a fucking dumbass for getting serious with that person.”
So forgive them. I don’t care what they did. Forgive them, release that anger, and move on. You can’t be happy if you don’t do this.
3. Anyone else who has wronged you in the past.
That partner who ripped you off. That ex-best friend who didn’t have your back. That brother who took advantage of you. Whomever it is, regardless of what they did, forgive them, release that anger, and move on. You can’t be happy if you don’t do this.
Lastly, don’t be afraid to soft next or even hard next anyone in your life who treats you like shit or wrongs you. Yes, forgive them. Don’t be mad. Don’t harbor anger. But don’t tolerate their crap either. Next their asses!
I am an absolute wizard at forgiving-and-soft-nexting people who wrong me. I gently kick them out of my life, forgive them completely, and get back to my amazing Alpha Male 2.0 lifestyle, loves, work, and Mission.
Learn to do the same. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
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Tom 2018-09-03 05:18:28
OMFG, i've been living with my bitchy mom for 26 years and it's damn difficult at times my emotion kicks in my voice will be louder and she reads it wrongly, easily. (Yes, i've improved recently to have applied technical skills like ''push-pull''/''self amusement'' just try to get out of our heads). Women are easily picking up on these cues anyone wants to be alpha 2.0 needs to self check/regulate their emotions properly before verbalizing anything. Cause the best man on the scene is the one who could handle all the positive/-ve emotions. He's the rock!
zaker 2018-09-03 05:39:06
Hell, I do know I have some slight resentments sometimes for a short while, but I think I'm good at forgiving. Being angry and upset helps noone, especially not me. Often someone does something to me and I'll forgive him very quick, minutes and I'm over it. When I started doing it, I felt guilty for forgiving so fast but that's coz I think I still let people walk over me sometimes, that's something I need to work on. I think I just don't give that many fucks about how someone calls me, unless it's completely disrespectful, however in social situations it doesn't look as well.
von clausewitz 2018-09-03 06:16:12
The girl that BD talks about in this post is a textbook example of Alpha Widow.In an older post someone commented about Alpha Widows and if we should screen them and not make them more than an FB,but BD said that You Should not Care.I think its stupid,because even if the girl from this post is low drama,and you make her an OLTR,in this example she would not love you as much as she loved her ex,and she will always love her ex,even if it is love combined with hate.I bet if that girl was BD Oltr,and the ex husband would want to get back togheter with her,even for the bad things that the ex had done to her,she would have dumped BD in a heartbeat and go back togheter with the ex husband. IF ONETIS is the biggest destroyer of men.ALPHA Widow is the biggest destroyer of women. Being with a girl like that in an OLTR relationship,is like a girl being in an OLTR ,with a guy who has Oneitis for another girl. I think we should avoid broken girls like this one, and not make them mltrs. BD what do you think about this???
C Lo 2018-09-03 07:54:45
BD what do you think about this???Im not BD but I’ll answer. I wouldn’t care. She stays and we have a good time, great. She leaves, NBD. Women are like sandwich shops in strip malls. They are always coming and going, and there’s always another one around the corner. Act accordingly. Back on topic: I hard nexted my parents and immediate family about two years ago. The specifics aren’t important, but it was big, and long overdue. Previous to a couple of years ago, my family was very close. I live in a small community. Dealing with the passive guilt was the biggest challenge. Even if they deserve it, cutting off immediate family (even as a soft next) is very difficult, but you must master them if you desire a low drama life. Get mad, get over it, and move on. But don’t allow yourself to be in a situation where your safety is compromised. BD: the site had a problem loading this page. Might want to look into it. The subject is too important to get buried under IT issues.
Tim Garrison 2018-09-03 09:03:43
BD , it sounds like you are suggesting that these people will change. That is after nexting them for a year or two. At that point in time they will act like a normal adult around you ? We can suggest otherwise hahaha ( they will never change ) So it seems like what you're really saying , if this is all true what I just said , Next Them Permanently ? 2) Is it possible to make people change their behavior ? ( to act like a normal adult ) Thank you BD. Great topic. Ps: I hope what you're implying is true. That would be great if we could next - people for a year or two and then they would act like a normal adult , around us. Tim , Vancouver Canada
Caveman Lenos 2018-09-03 09:59:02
That sounds needy Tim You don't do this for others you do it for yourself The time away is more so to heal and improve your longeterm happiness and overall living You cannot do that while still living in the pain and living with said person as a constant ficxture of your physical or cognitive life This is Behavioral Pysch 101 So do it because you want to better yourself not because you want to change others Changing others is a myth of control You can only manage others not dictate who they are and whay they do... Plus why would you want to do that anyway So many better ways to spend your time
Blackdragon 2018-09-03 10:07:12
The girl that BD talks about in this post is a textbook example of Alpha Widow.No. She just had oneitis. I don't like this "Alpha Widow" term because I think it confuses things.
even if the girl from this post is low drama,and you make her an OLTR,in this example she would not love you as much as she loved her ex,and she will always love her ex,even if it is love combined with hate.Very possible, yes. That's why you would never make a woman an OLTR in the first place if she had some repressed oneitis for someone else. Doing otherwise would be your fault, not hers.
IF ONETIS is the biggest destroyer of men.ALPHA Widow is the biggest destroyer of women.Incorrect. "Alpha Widow" just means "a woman with oneitis." Again, stop confusing things with these stupid new terms. (Proof: her ex wasn't even an Alpha. He was a beta.)
I think we should avoid broken girls like this one, and not make them mltrs.Incorrect. They make perfectly fine MLTRs. I've had FBs and MLTRs who had strong feelings for other men. It's allowed under those models, I didn't care, and you shouldn't either.
BD: the site had a problem loading this page. Might want to look into it. The subject is too important to get buried under IT issues.Because I accidentally posted two blogs posts at the same time. The delay was only for about a minute or two.
BD , it sounds like you are suggesting that these people will change.NOOOOOO I'm not. People don't change. Some people might get over their fear/anger though.
That is after nexting them for a year or two. At that point in time they will act like a normal adult around you?Depends on the person, the severity, and the situation. Maybe, maybe not. If you come back in two years and they're still an asshole/bitch, next again, perhaps permanently if you feel you need to.
C Lo 2018-09-03 10:30:17
The reason soft nexts work is by enforcing boundaries in a low drama way. If the target is mining for the drama or doesn’t respect your boundaries, you don’t want them around anyway. Once you master the soft next, it’s life on easy mode. Your EFA is instantly adjusted so not only do YOU know what to do when someone gives you drama, a lot of people “get it” and don’t give you drama to begin with. BD: it’s better now but still takes a couple of minutes to update. Either way you are on it. Thanks.
Randy 2018-09-03 13:01:59
Hey BD, great article. I'm wondering if you have any resources or suggestions for the actual process of forgiving someone? It's something I majorly struggle with (funnily enough, in almost every scenario you mentioned). I'm the guy who tells someone off then nexts them but carries huge grudges for years and years. Because I hear all the time that I'm supposed to forgive people in my past, I've tried but most of the advice I've heard is "Just do it," which I'm just not even sure where to start. Any time I've tried to find something on this the advice is always religious, with the key element being "trust in God," or something similar. And any non religious advice is always really lacking as well in my experience.
Vanilla Boy 2018-09-03 14:39:24
Because I hear all the time that I’m supposed to forgive people in my past, I’ve tried but most of the advice I’ve heard is “Just do it,” which I’m just not even sure where to start.Big stuff? The wife who took your house? The mother who sat by while her husband abused your sister? Sigh. It can still be done. There are specific methods and practices. Journaling. Writing letters to the people that you don't send. Mindfulness meditation. Psychedelic therapy. BD may have something to say, but there are probably people out there more qualified than him for the specific stuff. Different people will have different ideas. But there is stuff out there that is not religious. If you got heavy shit, it's like being the short black guy with a squint and bad teeth learning to deal with women. The work will be a lot harder. But you still owe it to yourself to do it.
JudoJohn 2018-09-03 14:40:01
Because I hear all the time that I’m supposed to forgive people in my past, I’ve tried but most of the advice I’ve heard is “Just do it,” which I’m just not even sure where to start.My father let my junkie mother take me down to Tampa at 10 years old. I have no business being as successful as I am now. I'm now in my mid 40's, Dad's in his early 70's. About a decade ago, man to man, I basically said "Why the fuck did you allow this to happen?" With tears in his eyes, he said it was the biggest regret of his life. How the fuck am I not going to forgive him? Was the massive amount of angst I was carrying helping anyone? Nah, it immediately melted, and it's been great from that day to this day, we'll be riding horses through the Wyoming foothills on Thursday, our 7th trail ride this summer. The utility of this example is questionable, because not everyone sees the errors of their ways, but at least trying to crawl into the point of view of the person on the other side can be helpful. Dad was thoroughly outmatched by the manipulative harpy who birthed me and regretted it ever since. It's like being mad at a twerp for getting his ass kicked. As you can tell, I've not forgiven my long dead mother, and never will. Here's the thing....I only think about it a few times a year, literally less than 10. But when I do, I feel a burning hatred. I should feel a burning hatred. She destroyed lives, I mean essentially (not legally) killed people, and very nearly destroyed me. It's a tough case. I actually agree thoroughly and wholeheartedly with this post. It's just....most 15 year olds aren't given cocaine and passed around between his mother's friends as a toy (I fucked at least six 40 y/o's as a teenager....only 1 since). She's the only person I haven't forgiven (and there was plenty of blame to go around) and it is almost a source of pride....there is an ethic in this hatred, in that there are certain boundaries which must never be crossed. Anyway, this kind of turned into a rant about what I went through, but the bottom line is at least trying to put yourself in someone else's shoes, in my estimation, can be a good start towards forgiveness, because it makes you think about the circumstances and incentives (and bounded rationality) that the person was presented with at the time.
JudoJohn 2018-09-03 14:52:59
Fist bump with Vanilla Boy, well said, and impeccable timing.
Vanilla Boy 2018-09-03 15:08:32
@judojohn. Respect. But you are what you are now and you wouldn't be who you are without your mother. You found the strength to get over it. That's her gift to you. I nexted my mother for a decade or so. Eventually, I put calling her and talking to her on my "to do" list, half an hour every two weeks, whether I felt like it or not. I often didn't feel like, but I have to say, we have good, civil conversations, mostly. Nothing heavy. We have a few shared interests, bush walking and stuff. We just talk about that.
Adam 2018-09-03 15:09:28
This was beautiful. Thank you 🙂
Blackdragon 2018-09-03 15:46:57
BD: it’s better now but still takes a couple of minutes to update.You literally have to sit and wait over 120 seconds to update this site? Then I'd say there's something wrong with your connection, because it only takes about 3 or 4 seconds at the most for me and I live very far away from where this server is hosted.
It’s something I majorly struggle with (funnily enough, in almost every scenario you mentioned). I’m the guy who tells someone off then nexts them but carries huge grudges for years and years.STOP GIVING A FUCK. If you carry huge grudges for years and years, you have blazing outcome dependence! Just follow my usual stuff: find a Mission, live a great life, focus on your goals instead of other people, have lots of sex, watch your physical health / energy levels very carefully, and so on. And yeah, just do it. Just say in your head "I forgive you. You no longer have any power over me. I forgive you," and just move on to your awesome life. And if it's not awesome, make it so!
JudoJohn 2018-09-03 16:05:33
just move on to your awesome life.This can't be overstated, the people who love me and don't agree with my life path are nonetheless really happy that I'm happy with it. No one ever experiences any drama because of me, and it's surprising how much currency that's worth. @ Vanilla Boy:
You found the strength to get over it. That’s her gift to you.+1. Her, and her line. I never met her father, but he was a physicist in WWII who worked on the problem of thwarting magnetic mines. I am smart and good looking....I can take only limited credit for these things....and she did say she chose my father carefully (for her) and he's actually pretty great. On to the future.
Vanilla Boy 2018-09-03 17:11:13
Just say in your head “I forgive you. You no longer have any power over me. I forgive you,” and just move onHa. Cool if it works. But PTSD is a thing, you know. Talk to people who've been in conflict zones. It can be done and you should make every effort, but sometimes it takes a bit more than that.
CCMidwest 2018-09-03 17:44:48
Yeah, it took me about 90 seconds to load this page. Switched from my WiFi to my cell service with the same result, long load time. My phone loads other sites in 1-3 seconds (just checked)
Blackdragon 2018-09-03 18:11:15
Ha. Cool if it works. But PTSD is a thing, you know.Then get some counseling/therapy and address it. Ongoing PTSD is not an excuse. For anything.
Yeah, it took me about 90 seconds to load this page. Switched from my WiFi to my cell service with the same result, long load time. My phone loads other sites in 1-3 seconds (just checked)Then something very weird is going on because the site is loading just fine for me. I'll look into it.
C Lo 2018-09-03 20:50:53
Whatever you did, it’s OK now BD. Two seconds on refresh. Thsnks for backing me up CC.
Magok 2018-09-03 21:30:47
Could you please write about tolerators personalities someday? I don't have any problems forgiving people, even those who were really shitty to me, but my tolerance bar is unhealthy high.
C Lo 2018-09-04 10:13:28
Could you please write about tolerators personalities someday?I don’t have any problems forgiving people, even those who were really shitty to me, but my tolerance bar is unhealthy high.Lots of resources out out there for this. I’d encourage you to start with “Codependent No More”. Acknowledging this is a problem in your life is huge and shows you have the self awareness to resolve it.
Whatever4ever 2018-09-04 12:19:44
Im SOOO glad I'm "old and ugly" and you'd never date me ROFL! But some of us plain wenches have a good heart and our personality and credentials shine from not relying on our looks to get us ahead in life and love.
JohnMurdoch 2018-09-04 12:55:38
I recently drastically cut the time spent with my dad (not entirely a soft next but very close) because of annoying behavior and stuff. I never got mad at him though, I always thought it was my fault because I wasnt able to simply ignore his comments. He always had the uncanny ability to get under my skin. I had a temper a few years back but red pill allowed me to get completely rid of that, except about my dad. he gets me mad and I cant control. So I decided I propably will never not care about his ball busting attempts and had to cut ties drastically. The anger is probably too ingrained in my brain to circumvent at this point
David 2018-09-04 17:42:21
How do you know if you've forgiven them or not? I cut people out of my life like a hot knife through avocado toast. I have friends for very short time frames, and to this day only speak to my dad and no one else in my family. I dont think I'm angry though. I just dont like gossiping with idiots or hearing losers complain, being flaked on, etc. Theres usually some kind of line crossed, then I decide i'm just going to ignore this person, forever. I feel nuts writing it. Is that crazy?
Blackdragon 2018-09-04 18:35:11
Could you please write about tolerators personalities someday? I don’t have any problems forgiving people, even those who were really shitty to me, but my tolerance bar is unhealthy high.That's a little beyond my topic areas. It usually means you have some low self-esteem issues.
Im SOOO glad I’m “old and ugly” and you’d never date me ROFL! But some of us plain wenches have a good heart and our personality and credentials shine from not relying on our looks to get us ahead in life and love.Uh, I think you're posting in the wrong thread... and probably even the wrong blog.
How do you know if you’ve forgiven them or not?If you don't still harbor negative feelings towards them. Forgive, and move on.
C Lo 2018-09-05 14:58:37
The anger is probably too ingrained in my brain to circumvent at this pointBeing angry is okay. Giving someone who’s actively provoking you to anger a millimeter of room in your life is crazy. You know what fixes this problem - 100%, fail safe, fool proof? A hard next. And then some professional help to sort out the nonsense of faulty programming that you’ve picked up from this person who’s only right to be in your life is because he chose to fuck your mom. As far as I can tell, having sex with your mom doesn’t give him a hall pass to be a asshole. You can try a soft next, but this sounds like something that’s wired into your dad and as the saying goes old dogs don’t learn new tricks. *I cut off my parents and the rest of my codependent family shortly after my divorce when I unbetafied myself. It sucked. The last six months have been more peaceful and drama free than the rest of my time on the rock put together.
joelsuf 2018-09-05 16:49:35
Giving someone who’s actively provoking you to anger a millimeter of room in your life is crazy. You know what fixes this problem – 100%, fail safe, fool proof? A hard next.I'm likely doing this to my folks too. When your stepdad gets drunk and threatens to fight you because he's retired and bored, and has an equally bored wife who guilt tripped you into signing over your late grandmother's house to her, that's when I say "yeah I'm good. We're done." I'm just glad that in signing over that house, I effectively bought them out of my life. And in retrospect, since they are so unhealthy that they won't live long, it may have actually been the better idea. I literally don't have any obligation to see them again. Which is comforting.
I cut off my parents and the rest of my codependent family shortly after my divorce when I unbetafied myself. It sucked. The last six months have been more peaceful and drama free than the rest of my time on the rock put together.haha nice! I've been loving things ever since I cut my folks off too. I should have never went back to them.
joelsuf 2018-09-05 17:09:12
It’s just….most 15 year olds aren’t given cocaine and passed around between his mother’s friends as a toy (I fucked at least six 40 y/o’s as a teenager….only 1 since).Damn that's insane. I mean my mom would get high in front of me but that was about it. You should go public about your mom's buddies doing that to you. You agreed to the sex they wanted, right? Cuz if you didn't, that really sucks.
joelsuf 2018-09-05 17:35:37
Could you please write about tolerators personalities someday?I'm not BD but I definitely have some input about tolerators. Two of my best friends are probably the worst tolerators ever. Thing is, they aren't bad people, they are just pathetically beta and have close to zero chance at succeeding at anything with the mindsets they have. One forgives and tolerates, and its pretty difficult for the other one to forgive or tolerate. and both let their folks literally run their lives despite being in their mid 30s. While the one who forgives and tolerates is disabled (autistic and epileptic with no real talents, although he is decent at cooking and building things) and can't help it, there is no excuse for the other one, who is really talented when it comes to drawing and being an entertainer. One thing about both of them is that they both crave instant gratification. They both play video games for at least 4-5 hours per night. Maybe that has something to do with it. It really sucks how weak they are.
I don’t have any problems forgiving people, even those who were really shitty to me, but my tolerance bar is unhealthy high.I had the reverse problem back in the day. I used to not forgive or tolerate certain stuff. I used to always say "I don't forget and I don't forgive" and it made me a very bitter person who always thought there was some kind of conspiracy against me. Used to take everything so personally. Crazy part was that I wouldn't feel the same if I didn't have that kind of mindset. Pretty crazy.
John 2018-09-06 10:48:56
Any time I’ve tried to find something on this the advice is always religious, with the key element being “trust in God,” or something similar. And any non religious advice is always really lacking as well in my experiencefor me it was long angry walks, weight lifting, lots of sitting quietly and working it out in my head, getting more social, Tons of reading, and practice.. practicing a refusal to be bitter. In the end you have to be driven by something.. a motive.. my motive was movin on without being a damaged bitter little pussy.. being bitter about your past makes you undateable.. that’s why most men and women on the dating sites are only good for a couple weeks before the crazy comes out.. damaged.. they never took the time to deal with the pain in a constructive way.
joelsuf 2018-09-07 07:24:58
being bitter about your past makes you undateableIt makes you a lot worse than that. Like literally no one wants to be around a person like that. I was like that during most of my 20s, just some butthurt faggot who was bitter about being beaten down by life. Made me unattractive in almost every way imaginable.
Mr. Roboto 2018-09-10 11:09:42
@BD I know you don´t really like the term "Alpha Widow", I agree that it is confusing because many women get Oneitis for men who are not even Alpha (I am an example of that, because in my Beta/Blue pill days a woman got hardcore Oneitis for me). But since long time ago I have been waiting for a complete article from you with your take on Alpha Widows/Five Minutes of Alpha effect, and why you think you shouldn´t care.
hilsey 2018-09-10 12:47:33
This stuff works. Had an issue with my dad. Luckily, I was precocious enough to conclude HE had a problem and the abuse was unwarranted or I would've ended up a stereotype--girl desperately seeking daddy's love. In my early 20s, I researched personality disorders and drastically changed my behavior around him. Zero tolerance but I was cool, calm, and quiet towards his rage. Since then he has treated me better in 2018 than all the years of his abuse. I 100% do not tolerate him and am on my way to full forgiveness. For both parents. Bitterness is not my style.
Blackdragon 2018-09-10 14:24:35
since long time ago I have been waiting for a complete article from you with your take on Alpha Widows/Five Minutes of Alpha effect, and why you think you shouldn´t care.I'm unsure why you would expect me to write an entire article on a term I didn't invent, don't like, think is irrelevant, and in many cases don't even know ("Five Minutes Alpha effect?" WTF?). If you want more details on those terms, go read the websites written by the men who invented them and/or think they are a big deal. I am neither.
Kevin Velasco 2018-09-24 17:17:26
Thanks for this emotionally powerful post on forgiveness. May we all live in a world full of less resentment/hatred/anger.
Anon 2018-09-28 04:59:40
Excellent post! Have you written any articles regarding age gap? I have a relative who is 40 and dating a 20 year old. I have warned him there may be a storm coming :/
Marty McFly 2019-04-11 12:01:55
Most importantly, forgive oneself, if you've done a harm.