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Long-Term Friends With Benefits Management – A Case Study
I get a lot of questions regarding managing long-term FBs (friends with benefits).Today I will overview the real-life case study of the longest consistent non-sugar baby FB relationship I’ve ever had. This relationship lasted from June 2012 to January 2017, 4.5 years consistent, with no breaks, nexts, or LSNFTEs of any kind.To be clear, this was not a sugar daddy thing but a normal FB. I never gave her a dime. I started seeing her when she was 23, ended things when she was 28 or so, today she’s in her thirties and we’re still friends. The only reason I ended the sexual relationship was because she started gaining a bunch of weight, as most Western women eventually do. If not for that I could still be seeing her consistently to this very day.
-By Caleb Jones
Amy is the one woman I got a date with when I did the blitz I described many years ago here. It was one of the first times I had an online dating blitz with just a 2% response rate. I didn’t care, since it created my longest consistent FB ever. To save me some typing, here’s what I said about her back then, from that same article. 2% means five women responded. Within a week of me sending openers I was having sex with one of these women: A vivacious 23 year-old with a damn near perfect body. Per my usual system, we had a first date that was just under an hour. Grand total cost to me: $6.50. A coffee for her and orange juice for me (I don’t drink coffee; caffeine is a drug and I don’t do those). The very next day I just brought her to my house and we were having sex within 30 minutes. That’s a 1.5 hour meet-to-lay.
Even better, there was almost zero time spent online talking to her. Just pitched the date on the third exchange as always, and it was scheduled. This is all to be expected, because A) I’m a very woman-experienced guy, B) she was in my fastest-to-lay age range (23 to 27) and C) she was in my target market of women (very feminine and girly, loves watching Disney movies, loves dressing up in bright little dresses, very cute and submissive during sex, a solid Type 2 VYW who is very attracted to strong, masculine older men). She’s become a regular in my life since then, and I couldn’t be more pleased.So as you can see, it was a near-effortless process to get from zero to sex with her. Her attraction for me was pretty high from the get-go regardless of the fact that I was 40 years old at the time and 17 years older than her.
Why did I make her an FB instead of an MLTR? On the plus side, her body was exactly my type, she had pretty much zero ASD, she was very feminine and sweet and pretty much never gave me drama. On the minus side, her face was not my type at all (Amy Adams isn’t exactly the blonde Barbie type that I prefer), she would sometimes have a strange smell during sex (not bad, just odd), her personality wasn’t one that was attractive to me, and she would sometimes get a little needy and/or clingy. Therefore, FB. And a fantastic one at that.We started having sex about once a week or close to it. In following the Cardinal Rules of Nonmonogamous Relationships, I never saw her more than once a week. Because she was an FB, I didn’t go out on any dates with her.
She had a medical condition; a very mild form of Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) and was thus scared to drive a car (though she was just being a pussy; she could have driven a car just fine). This meant I had to always go get her and drop her back off. That was fine since she lived about seven minutes away from my house at the time. I would just pick her up, we’d go back to my place, talk for a little bit, have sex, talk for a little more, and then I’d take her back.Every once in a while, I’d say maybe one out of every eight times we hung out, I would stop on the way and get her a two dollar burrito at the local Taco Bell or something like that.I was the first man she had sex with after a long dry spell for her. Once we started having sex, and certainly once I got her orgasming (more on that in a minute), she sexually awakened and slowly started having sex with other guys. (I experienced this same exact thing with HBM.) She was an FB so I didn’t care. I actually tend to prefer that with my FBs since it takes much of the relationship pressure off me. Let her beta male boyfriend get all the drama and betaization while I just get the sex.Once we were having sex on a regular basis, I started working with her to get her cumming. Again, one of the Cardinal Rules is to make them cum every time you have sex so that they’ll stick around even if you’re not giving them monogamy. I tried fingers, tongue, grinding, and nothing really worked, perhaps because of the SPD.
Did she ever complain I never took her out to dinner? Of course she did. She’s a girl. That’s what girls in these kinds of relationships do. My answer, once we knew each other well was, “Eh, I don’t really want to. I just want to hang out and talk.” This doesn’t always work with every woman, but it worked with her.Just because she never LSNFTE’d me doesn’t mean she never got boyfriends. She certainly did. Once she sexually awoke by cumming left and right with me, she eventually got a boyfriend. He was a beta, of course, and would do things like constantly blow up her phone with stupid “how’s it going?” messages and “what are you doing?” messages and then whine and complain when she didn’t hang out with him. He never made her cum, of course. As per the usual dating model, she got irritated and bored with him and dumped him about four months later.About six months after that she got a second boyfriend who was either an Alpha Male 1.0 or a beta with Alpha 1.0 traits. He said that he would be fucking other girls while dating her. (Big mistake dude. Never verbalize that stuff right up front. He should have read my book on open relationships.) When she told him she’d be fucking other guys, he hesitated, but then said he “didn’t care,” which, of course, was a lie.
When she told me this story, I said, “He’s going to care. Very soon. Within the next two weeks he’s going to tell you to stop fucking other men.”“Oh no,” she said, “He said he didn’t care.”“I don’t care what he said,” I said, “I know how men work. Just watch.”I was right. Three days later, while having sex with her, he told her he didn’t want her having sex with any other men except him. She said okay, and then he came inside her even though she was not on any birth control. (Do you see why I have zero sympathy for most men. Regarding birth control, Amy was on and off birth control through the entire time I knew her. Her body didn’t seem to handle it well. I even suspect she can’t get pregnant, because she ended up having a lot of unprotected sex with some seriously stupid and reckless guys, and yet never got pregnant. But who knows? I was always very careful.
She lied to him about only having sex with him and kept on seeing me regularly while dating him (ah, monogamy). They dated for about six or seven months if I recall, and had lots of drama. Like most guys, he was extremely jealous, needy, and territorial, even though he was probably cheating on her. She put up with the drama for quite a while (women’s desire for the “boyfriend experience” is that high sometimes), but eventually she dumped his ass.She dated one more guy during this time, but I don’t have any specific memories about him. She eventually dumped him too.She never dumped me.At one point, I eventually caved in to her requests to have “dinner.” So one time, just once, I broke one of the FB rules and took her out to a $27 meal at Applebee’s, which made her very happy. It was against the rules, but as I’ve said before, once you’ve mastered the rules and know what you’re doing and have a 100% solid Alpha fame, you can break a rule here and there as long as you’re careful.
But, alas, the weight gain kept going, as it so often does with formerly attractive women. As she entered her late twenties she started getting to the point where her entire body had changed shape into something that just wasn’t attractive. She was no longer turning me on. Add to this the fact that I was losing weight at the time and having sex with hotter and hotter women. Because of all these factors, I couldn’t justify her continuing to consume my time.I didn’t just cut it off. I just started seeing her less and less, until the less became not at all. The last time we had sex was two years ago, January of 2017.To this very day, she’ll still send me a message over social media asking me how things are going and we’ll have a little friendly chit-chat. She’s in her thirties now and lives with a roommate in the same town where I met her.
The lessons you can learn from this, regarding having a long-term FB in your life, are: 1. Always follow all the Cardinal Rules I talk about in regard to managing relationships. If I had failed to follow any of these rules, none of this would have worked, and I mean that. 2. Always remain outcome independent and non-needy regarding other men they might have sex with. And if she's an FB, particularly a young FB, she will fuck other guys, so prepare for this. 3. Always focus on sex. Make sure you have a lot of sex and make sure she feels amazing during sex every single time. Be the best lay of her life. Men are so bad in bed that you wipe out all the other competition when you do this. 4. Don’t start treating her like an MLTR or a girlfriend, even if she asks (and she probably will). 5. Be nice. Don’t be an asshole. Be her friend. Remember that the F in FB stands for friend.
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bernd 2019-01-31 05:55:43
Did you tell 'Amy' that you no longer found her attractive due to weight gain? Did you advise her to lose some weight so she would stay attractive to you and other men?
CW 2019-01-31 06:21:10
BD, how would you handle a more immediate change in appearance? I had a low-end MLTR 21 year old recently who wore wigs (didn't care) switch from long hair gorgeous hair to a short butch lesbian look. She was very excited about this look change and pitched it to me like it was a good thing. I asked her nicely to wear long hair for our next meet and she got mad "you should be attracted to who I am as a person" etc. so I said we shouldn't meet. I'm fairly certain I couldn't have had sex with her with the short hair look. Was there a smoother way to handle that didn't feel so Alpha 1.0 (demanding she change her look)?
pixis 2019-01-31 06:24:45
Just amazing. would like to know more about the end of your relationship though. Didnt she say anything when you started meeting her less and less? doesn't she say anything when you just 'chit chat' now? does she know why you left her? she offended or anything?
Aloofus 2019-01-31 06:37:44
BD, as far as breaking rules.. do you believe there's an order of importance? My longest running MLTR is at about 17 mo now, and we didn't have the talk until about a year in! It also wasn't really as uncomfortable as the first time I had the talk (which I probably talked way too damn much). In any case I occasionally see her during the week for sex (meaning that we sometimes have sex 2x per week). I've literally never seen her, where some form of sex hasn't taken place (outside of our first date). Often those additional meetups are kind of impromptu (can you come move this piece of furniture for me, for a blowjob/ kids are with their dad come fuck me after work) type stuff. Outside of that, there hasn't really been any rule breaking. I can't help but think because I occasionally see her a little extra (while following all the rules/not acting like a bf) has made this into a very good MLTR.
Dexter Daygame 2019-01-31 07:42:37
either an Alpha Male 1.0 or a beta with Alpha 1.0 traits.I recall you characterizing Neil Strauss and Mystery as betas with Alpha 1.0 traits. Can you explain what the difference is between these two categories ?
VSmilex 2019-01-31 07:43:40
she would sometimes get a little needy and/or clingy. Therefore, FB.Aren't these positive qualities when it comes to girls? I personally think its fantastic when a girl is more into you than you are into her. Needy/clingy guy - pathetic and cringy. Needy/clingy girl - cute and adorable.
zech 2019-01-31 08:38:40
I've been following the rules but there seems to be a weird pattern with some girls. There has been 3 occasions in the last 2-3 months where the girls is REALLY eager to see me at the beginning after we had sex 2-3 times. They even offer some favors (like bringing me food etc.). After we have fucked twice I switch to relationship management mode. They girls expect ofc to see more than once a week but in ~2-3 weeks but it almost seems that they get tired for asking me to see them (one of these 3 recent ones asked 3 times in the period of 4 days to see me). And they start to fade away. Then in the following 2-3 weeks it's much harder to meet up with them (when just some time ago they were trying to come to my place even at midnight). And at around 2-3 months mark it usually fades away completely when they reject my last two offers to meet up and I next them and they almost never reach back to me. I'm kind of thinking that they are really hunting for boyfriend and when obviously I'm not offering that (right at the beginning) which I show with my behaviour, so they next me. I seem to be having this kind of girls much more than girl who actually comply with this sort of "slow start" to the relationship. I'm not sure if it's a cultural (scandinavia) thing or what and these girls rarely bring up any relationshipstuff. They just prefer to next me instead trying to convert me to a boyfriend. Obviously I'm not bringing up the talk about status of relationship etc but neither do they. There has been only 2 occasions in the last 1,5 years where a girl has verbally brought this up (another one was at 3 months mark, another one was at 7 months mark) and over this time I've had about 15 MLTR or FB relationships of 2-4 months. My roster is fully refreshed pretty much every 3 months and it annoys me because it's really time consuming to keep refreshing the roster (well, atleast I get better in game). I know how to do it so I'd rather use less time to get new leads and focus more on other areas on my life. I live in a smaller town (200k people) so efficient online game isn't an option so I have to do DG and NG. So am I a bit delusional here when I expect to FBs to last more than 2-3 months? (MLTRs usually last a bit longer, 3-4 months but I rarely even get there with most of the MLTR candicates to show them that they are more than FB's).
Blackdragon 2019-01-31 09:41:20
Did you tell ‘Amy’ that you no longer found her attractive due to weight gain?No. That would have been pointless.
Did you advise her to lose some weight so she would stay attractive to you and other men?No. That's Alpha Male 1.0 stuff. I don't care what people do, nor are people going to change their weight or eating habits just because I say something.
I asked her nicely to wear long hair for our next meet and she got mad “you should be attracted to who I am as a person” etc. so I said we shouldn’t meet. I’m fairly certain I couldn’t have had sex with her with the short hair look. Was there a smoother way to handle that didn’t feel so Alpha 1.0 (demanding she change her look)?Good question. Beta male method: Say nothing, just suffer. Result: resentment, lessened attraction. Alpha Male 1.0 method: Tell her to stop wearing that wig and look like THIS when you see me instead. Result: resistance, drama, possible breakup. Alpha Male 2.0 method: Say something like, "You can wear whatever you want and look like whatever you want, totally cool with me, but I'm not attracted to you when you wear that wig. Nothing I can do about it; that's just how my dick feels about it. I mean, we could try to have sex when you look like that, but I probably won't get hard, which means I probably won't be able to have sex with you anymore (or hang out with you). But hey, do whatever you want." Result: She takes the wig off (or worst case but unlikely scenario, she nexts you with zero drama and you fuck her again in a year when the wig is long gone).
Didnt she say anything when you started meeting her less and less?Yeah, some minor stuff but I don't remember specifics.
doesn’t she say anything when you just ‘chit chat’ now?I don't know what you mean by "say anything." She doesn't ask to hang out but I assume that's because she knows I'm married now. (And yes, she knows it's nonmonogamous.)
does she know why you left her?She probably suspects but I'm not sure.
she offended or anything?Not at all (as far as I know). She might be a little sad, but not offended.
My longest running MLTR is at about 17 mo now, and we didn’t have the talk until about a year in!Those are the BEST! I love those!
BD, as far as breaking rules.. do you believe there’s an order of importance?I'd rather not go there and open that door because 99% of the men reading these words shouldn't be breaking any Cardinal Rules ever for any reason.
I recall you characterizing Neil Strauss and Mystery as betas with Alpha 1.0 traits. Can you explain what the difference is between these two categories ?https://blackdragonblog.com/2017/10/09/charts-where-you-fall-on-the-alpha-beta-scale/
she would sometimes get a little needy and/or clingy. Therefore, FB. Aren’t these positive qualities when it comes to girls?Not to me. It's irritating.
I personally think its fantastic when a girl is more into you than you are into her.That condition doesn't require clinginess. All women I date beyond the FB level are into me more than I'm into them, but very few of them are needy/clingy.
I’ve been following the rules but there seems to be a weird pattern with some girls. There has been 3 occasions in the last 2-3 months where the girls is REALLY eager to see me at the beginning after we had sex 2-3 times. They even offer some favors (like bringing me food etc.). After we have fucked twice I switch to relationship management mode. They girls expect ofc to see more than once a week but in ~2-3 weeks but it almost seems that they get tired for asking me to see them (one of these 3 recent ones asked 3 times in the period of 4 days to see me). And they start to fade away. Then in the following 2-3 weeks it’s much harder to meet up with them (when just some time ago they were trying to come to my place even at midnight). And at around 2-3 months mark it usually fades away completely when they reject my last two offers to meet up and I next them and they almost never reach back to me.None of that is unusual, but you will get better at this (extend the time frame) as you practice more. I'm also convinced you're doing something wrong in there (I don't know what) (or they're over age 33). Scandinavia may also be a factor (you're in a fucking post-feminist society).
So am I a bit delusional here when I expect to FBs to last more than 2-3 months?Nope. Keep at it. You'll get better.
zech 2019-01-31 10:41:51
None of that is unusual, but you will get better at this (extend the time frame) as you practice more. I’m also convinced you’re doing something wrong in there (I don’t know what) (or they’re over age 33). Scandinavia may also be a factor (you’re in a fucking post-feminist society).Yes, probably so, altho these girls keep coming back to me for a fuck or two here and there and some of them start sending me messages if I accidentally bumb into them somewhere (which usually leads to another fuck or two until they fade away again). Some of them hint that I shouldn't fuck other girls really covertly (or ask if Im fucking other girls) and couple of said that "nah, I don't wanna come to your place for usual stuff" in which point I've nexted them. So I'm thinking that I'm acting too playerish and/or they see me as unattainable (this is my ego talking). I think I should try a bit more comfort based approach for awhile and see do the girls stay longer. Maybe talk a bit about feelings/deep things and that kind of stuff which girls like (with MLTRs). All girls have been under 33. Pretty much on the 20-25 range. Also I've noticed that if I've seen FBs in a night club and I kind of keep my distance in conversation and don't get physical with them, it fastens up the drop. Usually I'm gaming new girls when I'm out so I prefer not to interact with "locked" FBs too much or go home with them.
CrabRangoon 2019-01-31 11:12:03
This is my biggest challenge in the Alpha 2.0 lifestyle, maintaining FB's, so thanks for this one! The MLTR/FB model works best for me at this stage of my life. I have no issue getting MLTR's going and keeping them in the fold but FB's seem to be more elusive and fall off pretty quickly. Of course they tend to be younger women so they are by default flakier and all over the place. Would you say though that younger is the way to go generally for FB's due to life ASD and less demands for Disney marriage, etc...? These girls do tend to be pretty quick lays which is a great benefit.
Blackdragon 2019-01-31 11:29:04
Would you say though that younger is the way to go generally for FB’s due to life ASD and less demands for Disney marriage, etc…?Unfortunately yes. But that's a generalization. I've had many FBs in their 30s and they were great (and two in their 40s). But most of the longer-lasting ones tend to be younger girls (late teens, early 20s), yes. All of my active FBs right now are in their early 20s.
Harry 2019-01-31 12:41:13
BD, were you having condom sex with her all those years? I have an FB / low MLTR that I trust that I don't use condoms with, I wonder if I should keep reminding her regularly to tell me if she had (starting having) sex with someone without a condom...
Natalie 2019-01-31 13:32:36
My husband refuses to sleep with other women. What do I do? I’m not interested in other men at the moment but worry that he will be unhappy in the long term if he only has sex with me (we have sex every other day on average). I just want him to be happy and not slowly lose his drive and love of life. He’s been such a wonderful husband to me and my goal is show him the same consideration, but he won’t cooperate.
John 2019-01-31 14:02:35
My husband refuses to sleep with other women. What do I do?Stop having sex with him, bring a young hot 20 something girl home (sugar daddy site if you don't know one), and present her to him. be like putting a steak in front of a starving lion... Just kidding.. Just mention this site to him.. Btw, most men, once they settle into monogamymarriage, are fully institutionalized. They create a whole life around never having sex with any other woman.. Obsessive sport watching, eating, getting fat, wearing the same shirt every day, couple card nights, driving SUVs, and etc... One reason why women are usually the ones who file for divorce and men are content to stay....
Aloofus 2019-01-31 15:13:44
I have no issue getting MLTR’s going and keeping them in the fold but FB’s seem to be more elusive and fall off pretty quickly.Seems to be my experience as well. Hell my last 3 lays off of apps ended up ONS me. Although I suspect I failed to get to lock in for a couple of reasons (waiting too long and being a tad too distant).
Blackdragon 2019-01-31 18:26:21
BD, were you having condom sex with her all those years?Both with and without. Once I got to trust her (and knew her ovulation cycles) I would go bareback, but it would usually go back on the condoms once there was another boyfriend in her life.
I have an FB / low MLTR that I trust that I don’t use condoms with, I wonder if I should keep reminding her regularly to tell me if she had (starting having) sex with someone without a condom…You should only do that if she's A) been around a long time and B) shown though her actions, not her words that she's a responsible person. Otherwise "reminding her" won't do shit.
My husband refuses to sleep with other women. What do I do?Nothing. Let him do or not do whatever he wants.
I’m not interested in other men at the moment but worry that he will be unhappy in the long term if he only has sex with me (we have sex every other day on average). I just want him to be happy and not slowly lose his drive and love of life. He’s been such a wonderful husband to me and my goal is show him the same consideration, but he won’t cooperate.If he knows you don't mind him sleeping around a little, then when he gets to the point where he wants to have sex with someone else, don't worry, he will. He's a man. Right now I wouldn't worry about it.
Harry 2019-01-31 18:57:32
>> it would usually go back on the condoms once there was another boyfriend in her life. Sounds good! I guess even if she would've promised to always use condoms with boyfriends, you would not rely on that. BD, I believe you used to mention you don't "interrogate" or question FBs / MLTRs about other guys they sleep with. Was she just openly volunteering information about her dating life? Or you'd check in with your women (or with her in particular), once in a while, about their (her) current dating situation(s) / arrangements?
Kaelos 2019-01-31 21:14:44
Once we started having sex, and certainly once I got her orgasming (more on that in a minute), she sexually awakened and slowly started having sex with other guys.Did she directly tell you about the guys she was having sex with or did you ask her if she was having sex with other guys?
At one point, I eventually caved in to her requests to have "dinner." So one time, just once, I broke one of the FB rules and took her out to a $27 meal at Applebee’s, which made her very happy.When you go out to eat dinner with a MLTR/OLTR (and the rare FB) and it's a booth, do you sit next to her on the padded seat or do you sit opposite each other? How about if at a table, facing each other or chairs next to each other?
Once I got to trust her (and knew her ovulation cycles) I would go barebackDid you cum inside her as well? I'm interested in learning about unprotected sex in regards to ovulation cycles. Thank you BD.
AlphaOmega 2019-02-01 01:30:44
Did you cum inside her as well? I’m interested in learning about unprotected sex in regards to ovulation cycles.That is not something that is reliable.
Did she directly tell you about the guys she was having sex with or did you ask her if she was having sex with other guys?I have discovered that if youre having a young woman you date / have sex with and she knows youre not mono and that youre ok with what she does she will enjoy telling you about her "dates" and crushes from work etc. So, I would easily imagine she would excitedly tell him every time.
Dexter Daygame 2019-02-01 04:48:03
I don’t drink coffee; caffeine is a drug and I don’t do those).This is surprising since you comes across as a really hard worker. With all the businesses you've set up and run you've never felt the need to have some tea or coffee for working late through the night ?
John 2019-02-01 05:47:52
Did you cum inside her as well? I’m interested in learning about unprotected sex in regards to ovulation cycles.
That is not something that is reliable.Learn with a baby..
Blackdragon 2019-02-01 10:34:26
BD, I believe you used to mention you don’t “interrogate” or question FBs / MLTRs about other guys they sleep with.More or less.
Was she just openly volunteering information about her dating life?Of course. She's a girl. What else do girls talk about? 🙂
Or you’d check in with your women (or with her in particular), once in a while, about their (her) current dating situation(s) / arrangements?I never have to. They'll tell me all about it on their own. They're girls.
Did she directly tell you about the guys she was having sex with or did you ask her if she was having sex with other guys?She usually directly told me. I have a very open relationship with all women, so they don't feel threatened telling me this stuff. That's one of the reasons I have a 94% return rate and most other guys have a 5% return rate.
When you go out to eat dinner with a MLTR/OLTR (and the rare FB) and it’s a booth, do you sit next to her on the padded seat or do you sit opposite each other? How about if at a table, facing each other or chairs next to each other?None of that is at all relevant with a woman you've already had sex with twice. Do whatever you want. That's only important during the dating/seduction phase, not the relationship management phase.
Did you cum inside her as well?Oh yeah man. Left and right. I filled that bitch up. What do you think?
This is surprising since you comes across as a really hard worker.I'm an extremely hard worker, yes.
With all the businesses you’ve set up and run you’ve never felt the need to have some tea or coffee for working late through the night ?Never once in my entire life. If you... 1. Get at least 7-8 hours of sleep every night on average. 2. Drink lots of water. 3. Stay away from drugs and don't have a horrible diet. 4. Keep your hormonal levels strong (that means blood tests). 5. Exercise. 6. Have an exciting goal or two that really motivates you. ...then you'll never need to drink coffee or tea for the rest of your life and you'll have all the energy you want or need. And if you do need coffee because you need the energy, then you're not doing one or more of the items above. I have an entire chapter regarding personal energy in The Unchained Man.
johnnybegood 2019-02-01 11:54:53
Question for you BD about my current situation --- And this happens to me a lot, actually. Find Hot girl on Tinder. She's hot, daresay hotter than my typical women. There's not much mental connection. At all. You rush into sex. Her? Because who knows. Me? Because she's got a banging body. You continue to fuck, for months, once a week. Again, not much of a mental/ emotional connection, and presumably this has to go two ways (I hope) -- not like she could think you talk about everything/ anything when you don't -- she comes over, you fuck, you talk a bit. BUT -- even though I'm 30, I'm sort of a rookie and dumbass with these things, so I've done this a few times: we go to dinner once in a while. She SPENDS THE NIGHT once in a while. Even though "the talk/ what-are-we" convo NEVER happens -- in fact to this day I have no idea what certain "relationships" were slotted as -- well, the nonexistant frame makes things tricky. Does she think she's my girlfriend? If I fuck other woman, would it crush her/ I'm an asshole? What usually happens here is her or I will usually break it off. I think the main reason why is that -- we have a "fuckbuddy" relationship, but it's unverbalized ... too much ... and either I, or her, or both, likely want to fuck other people, but don't, because it's unclear what "this" is. My current girl --- same situation. Rushed in for the sex, but not much connection. Thing is, I have no idea how she sees it. Would I even "propose" an open relationship or say "what is this?" at this point? I thought guys wanted to avoid that conversation. I don't really want to propose some terrible ultimatum either where it's like "hey are we just fuckbuddies or ...? Because if not, bye ..." Maybe it's cleaner to just break and assert the "fuckbuddy" frame earlier in the future. For context, I've been seeing the current girl for 4 months.
Truthteller 2019-02-01 13:52:09
So BD, how did you get over (if you ever had) the need or want to be the first/best/biggest/etc. your lover has ever had? Some women can cum really easily, too...so I mean, do you think the 'make sure she cums every time' rule is applicable to women like that? Or is more necessary? On the one hand, by sticking to your rules I'm having great, like fast exploding, success. In this month alone I've racked up 10 new partners, all cute or hot ('8' by my standards), and I have the mLTR, too. I stuck to my guns with the mLTR when she started pressing me for the bf/gf label, and she even said she wasn't talking to anyone else (but as you say above, women lie about this stuff, and she doesn't seem needy or anything over text or when I'm not around). I didn't say anything with regard to that. How can you tell if they're lying or if they're putting on some kind of act? You'd probably need to know this information to know how sexually satisfied they are. My only move is to never ask and just let them say whatever they will say...is that good enough? (This isn't a 'this one girl question' it's just...generally I'd like to know). On the other hand...I'm in the middle of a time management nightmare and having (another) crisis of confidence. The more praise or positivity I receive, the more I just reduce it to not good enough status in my mind. In most domains I'm far above average, and so it's very bizarre to be appreciated for the things you have but still feel like it isn't good enough. And even the slightest negative thing, especially sexually, can put me on tilt. Is this a thing, or a phenomenon? I almost wish I was an ugly, small-dicked, non-muscular, clumsy in bed guy who somehow scored women. Because I notice that I don't really care much about my height (5'5) even though undoubtedly at this height I'm shorter than the vast majority of women are used to or prefer, but I'm so below average in it that I don't even care about running that race. Any resources for beating this type of thing? I already do therapy and everything. I want to be free of giving a shit about this type of stuff and just focus on the now and having fun.
johnnybegood 2019-02-01 15:09:05
first/best/biggest/etc. your lover has ever hadFirst is particularly odd. Who cares. Best and biggest makes a bit more sense from an ego perspective, but again, who cares. I assume I'm not the biggest dick/ best lay man on the planet, or even the state. Where I fall on the normal distribution/ bell curve really just depends on A. how many partners she's had, B. what continent her partners have come from (dick size stats) and C. my own sex prowess and dick size. The more partners she had the more my actual dick size distribution will fit where it actual fits in the general population, lol. Not sure why basic math and statistics are upsetting. Is it a jealousy thing or insecurity thing? Who cares, you're banging her. Frankly I don't even think about other dudes.
Vanilla Boy 2019-02-02 04:52:45
So BD, how did you get over (if you ever had) the need or want to be the first/best/biggest/etc. your lover has ever had?The best way to get over it is to recognize that it's a reprehensible way of thinking out of which no good can come. NEVER express it, even in a roundabout way, to a woman or she will rightly hold you in deep contempt. If you find yourself thinking those kinds of thoughts, go for a run or take a cold shower or do any other kind of activity that shakes you out of it. If the thought comes up again, go for another run.
john 2019-02-02 06:22:43
So BD, how did you get over (if you ever had) the need or want to be the first/best/biggest/etc. your lover has ever had?Once you’ve fucked enough women this won’t enter your mind.. or shouldn’t.. if it does you might have onitis..
Blackdragon 2019-02-02 11:20:54
johnnybegood - I read your post and I have absolutely no idea what your question is. Please rephrase in 1-2 sentences.
So BD, how did you get over (if you ever had) the need or want to be the first/best/biggest/etc. your lover has ever had?"First" or "biggest" I don't care and never have, since I have no control over these things. Regarding "best," I don't need to "get over it" because it's strictly a technique I need to employ for maximum relationship results, not an emotional need I have. I don't are how she feels about me being good (or bad) in bed; that will take care of itself. I just need to get her cumming. OUTCOME INDEPENDENCE!
Don 2019-02-03 00:23:01
@ BD what are the main reasons some your FBs left in the past? I'm sure they were satisfied sexually when you meet. is that mostly because they found a new bf and bf demanded that or they wanted to see you more as MLTR or demanded more but couldn't get or else?
suidine 2019-02-03 04:51:32
That was actually a really heartwarming story. Thank you!
Blackdragon 2019-02-03 09:09:57
@ BD what are the main reasons some your FBs left in the past?LSNFTEs. That's almost always the reason. And since monogamy doesn't work, 94% of them come back, so I don't mind.
That was actually a really heartwarming story. Thank you!You're welcome!
Michal 2019-02-03 10:09:40
Caleb, since I moved from Poland to London I've noticed that majority of women here that I find physically attractive are dominants. Do you do anything differently when your FB is a dominant to maximise chanse of her being long term or recurring FB?
Blackdragon 2019-02-03 10:47:42
Do you do anything differently when your FB is a dominant to maximise chanse of her being long term or recurring FB?Not really, other than to not overtly challenge them (but you really shouldn't be doing that anyway). I've had many Dominant FBs. They're great. (Never had a Dominant MLTR or OLTR and never will.)
Michal 2019-02-03 13:27:50
I’ve had many Dominant FBs. They’re great. (Never had a Dominant MLTR or OLTR and never will.)If women is a dominant I automatically categorise her as FB.
EP 2019-02-17 10:58:27
Black dragon with younger girls, if you get lsnfte’d do you all of a sudden stop viewing there instagram/Snapchat stories?