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The 5 Skills You Must Master For Real-Life Dating
This is the next installment in the “5-7 Skills” series. In every area of life, there are usually 5-7 key skills you must master to be successful at it. I’ve already covered the skills you need for online dating here and the skills you need for nonmonogamous relationships here. Today I’m going to cover real-life dating skills, when you are face-to-face with a woman. There are five skills you must get good at in order to make this work in your life.
-By Caleb Jones
Therefore, these five skills apply to daygame, social circle game, and the one or two real-life dates necessary for proper online dating (both types of sugar daddy game included). As always, the five skills are not listed in any particular order since they’re all critical. If you’re at least “decent” at all of them, you will get laid, and with attractive women. If you are bad at even one or two of them, you might get laid, but it will be difficult and you’ll have to work much harder. If you’re bad at more than two of them, you’re probably not going to get laid at all unless you either pay for it (or perhaps settle for average or below-average women).1. Temporarily Faking Confidence and Outcome Independence Until You Have Them For Real
“Inner game” really means confidence and outcome independence, two things I talk about a great deal in my books. Confidence means you are self-assured in your abilities to accomplish the things you want in life. You know you’re not perfect, but you know you have the skills necessary to get what you want, and aren’t super worried about it. Outcome independence means you don’t give a shit about how any particular scenario (first date, particular woman, etc) ends up. If it works out, great. If it fails and you never see her again, you honestly aren’t bothered at all and are on the next woman on the list. And she can tell you don’t care. (You’re polite and pleasant, but you don’t give a shit.) Confidence and OI are the two most attractive non-physical qualities to women you can possibly have.
Confidence and OI are not skills. They are qualities. However, if you don’t have both of them yet, the skill you must learn is how to fake it until you make it. If you’re not confident or outcome independent yet, you need to at least pretend you are while you interact with her. If you act nervous (meaning not confident) or needy (meaning not outcome independent), then her attraction will drop. So you have to at least learn how to pretend until such time as these two things become natural for you. I talk about confidence and outcome independence in great detail in The Unchained Man and Get To Sex Fast.2. Optimizing Physical Appearance This is an obvious one and the one everyone likes to focus on. It’s not the be-all, end-all that a lot of angry guys think it is, but it’s still core and important. Being good at dating, seduction, whatever you want to call it, requires that you optimize your external appearance as much as humanly possible within the constraints of your genetics, race, age, and budget.
Failure to do this doesn’t (necessarily) mean you can’t get laid, or even can’t get laid with attractive women, but it does mean that you’ll have to work much harder, and put in much more time, work, and numbers to get the results you want. Optimizing your physical appearance must be done. Moreover, doing so offers numerous other benefits to you that have nothing to do with women (as I talked about here), such as better health, higher quality of life, higher self-esteem, and higher income.3. Mastering The Correct Sequence Getting to sex as fast as possible requires you to do certain things, at certain times, in a certain order. You don’t kino a girl within the first 10 seconds, you don’t try to have sex with her within the first five minutes, you don’t discuss the relationship on the first date, and so on.
You must know what these things are and when they need to be done. If you: Don’t know what these things are. Know what these things are, but don’t exactly know how to do them. Know what they are, but don’t exactly know when they should be done in the process. Know what they are and when they need to be done, but often forget because you get too excited or comfortable.
Then you won’t be very effective. You need to know what these things are, how to do them, when they need to be done, and you actually need to do them near 100% of the time. Fortunately, this is probably the easiest skill to learn of all the ones listed here. You just get a good book that teaches you these things (Get To Sex Fast is mine; highly recommend it) then go on a bunch of first dates (or similar interactions) and practice the sequence until you get it down.
4. Sexual Escalation This means you actually have the balls, and it does take balls, to physically start the process of having sex, or at least getting very sexual. This one is really hard if you don’t have a lot of sexual experience. The biggest reasons men remain virgins for so long is not because they’re losers or because they’re shy around women; no, it’s because they don’t know how to sexually escalate. This was something I really had to focus on. It took me a good year of practice before I got good at it. Today, I have 100% confidence with it and I do it without even thinking (again, when it’s appropriate in the process and not before!). You must learn how to sexually escalate, when it should be done, and most importantly, have the bravery and outcome independence to actually DO IT when it’s required. It’s key.
If you have zero attraction but skyrocket comfort, she’ll put you in friend zone, and now you’re out of luck. Not good! But, if you have a high amount of comfort while also having a high amount of attraction, she’ll have sex with you very quickly, and continue to have sex with you for a long time under any type of relationship you want. You must learn how to achieve a high degree of comfort and attraction without generating too much or too little of both. That’s it! If you get even decently good at all five of the above items, you’re all done. You’ll be able to have sex with new women whenever you want or need, and with minimal effort. Want to talk to other guys working on Alpha Male 2.0? Join the new Alpha 2.0 Forums HERE and/or join the Alpha 2.0 Facebook Group HERE. They are both FREE to join!
I’m coming to a town near you in 2019 to do the least expensive Alpha Male 2.0 seminar I’ve ever done. I’ll be in 18 different cities in the USA, Australia, Canada, and Europe. If you want to come to a low-cost seminar to learn how to improve your financial and woman life, click HERE and get your tickets! The next cities coming up are Las Vegas, London, and Berlin! Alpha Male 2.0 World Tour 2019
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Hung Hom 2019-05-13 09:31:57
Very high quality post.
tester of paternity 2019-05-13 09:38:18
To confidence, I'd also add the second part of the definition from the book "The Manual" by W. Anton: confidence is also being comfortable with not knowing the outcome, i.e. being positive/motivated.
blue 2019-05-13 14:04:58
Great point/guidelines - the biggest challenges for me currently would be #3 (just winging it) and #5 (too much comfort).
Shortguy 2019-05-13 23:08:52
@BD I'm 168 cm(approximately 5 feet and 6 inches). I live in US so I'm shorter than average. I'm overall above average for physical appearance but I'm loosing at height. To fix this I may get a 3" tall shoes and can potentially date more taller women but eventually these women will figure out I'm not actually 176 cm tall. would you suggest this or should I be just me with normal shoes and target shorter women only?
Tom 2019-05-14 05:13:24
i'd say comfort is b.s esp for early intermediate/beginners. Because chances are you may be talking too much by explaining your vulnerabilities during comfort phase. And you wouldn't know whether what you said turns her off or not. Best case is shut up, use non verbal escalation while getting her to invest in conversation.
Blackdragon 2019-05-14 09:27:24
would you suggest this or should I be just me with normal shoes and target shorter women only?Yes. If your height bothers you (and it shouldn't if you're 5'6"; tons of guys are 5'6"), get some good elevator shoes. Links to a few sites are at excuse #2 here.
i’d say comfort is b.s esp for early intermediate/beginners. Because chances are you may be talking too much by explaining your vulnerabilities during comfort phase.Correct, that is usually the case by far, but there's also a decent percentage of intermediate/beginners right out of the PUA world who are way too scripted and "gamey" and kill comfort because they're overdoing it. There are also guys like I was who are beginners who overcompensate for beta-ness and think they need to go full asshole; they also damage comfort.
Mike Hunter 2019-05-14 19:27:03
Black Dragon: I saw this and thought you might want to write an article about it. It's a study that shows unmarried couples living separately have the highest rates of sexual satisfaction, Married Couples have the 2nd lowest rates, with people that don't have a (sexual?) partner showing the lowest rates. https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/happy-singlehood/201905/does-marriage-really-improve-sexual-satisfaction
Avalanche 2019-05-15 07:12:32
Tell us about what is the best time to have the talk? Should it be on a dinner outside? Right before sex? Right after it? When is 'usually' the best time to have the talk?
Eric C Smith 2019-05-15 08:09:32
essentially for the confidence part you're saying......hang in the fight until the momentum of success turns your way and you feel confident through experience. right?
hollywood 2019-05-15 08:28:49
Avalanche May 15, 2019 at 7:12 am Tell us about what is the best time to have the talk? Should it be on a dinner outside? Right before sex? Right after it? When is ‘usually’ the best time to have the talk?He talks about all of this in his book "The Ultimate Open Relationship Manual" http://www.haveopenrelationships.com/sales23055726
Blackdragon 2019-05-15 09:21:04
Black Dragon: I saw this and thought you might want to write an article about it. It’s a study that shows unmarried couples living separately have the highest rates of sexual satisfaction, Married Couples have the 2nd lowest rates, with people that don’t have a (sexual?) partner showing the lowest rates.Interesting, but pretty obvious.
Tell us about what is the best time to have the talk? Should it be on a dinner outside? Right before sex? Right after it? When is ‘usually’ the best time to have the talk?Get that book.
essentially for the confidence part you’re saying……hang in the fight until the momentum of success turns your way and you feel confident through experience. right?Right. And if you hit it hard, you won't have very long to wait.
Joe 2019-05-16 04:10:44
I am rather new to this "dating game". I am 40 and recently divorced. This blog has been a major help. I have been very successful with woman in general by following BD's rules although I do deviate with certain things. There have however been a few similarities when it comes to success with woman. Most of them have mentioned the words "You are dangerous" along with "I feel safe with you" shortly before or after sex. This is nothing more than "attraction" and "comfort" as mentioned by BD. My psychical appearance is okay although I am the type you either like or don't in terms of looks so if she says yes for the date I am rather sure the attractiveness box is ticked. If I may add a tip - you have to make them laugh. Woman loves men with a sense of humor...........
Leon 2019-05-16 06:44:27
Thanks to your books and blog, I have become okay/decent in all 5 skills. This is the first time in my life I can feel the abundance in my women life and I have to say it's a very sweet spot to be in. Not only I have 1 OLTR and 3 young FBs on rotation, but I also know for a fact that I can have sex with 3+ new attractive girls in the next month if I decide to hit the market hard. That's a good feeling!
AlphaOmega 2019-05-16 06:48:39
Not only I have 1 OLTR and 3 young FBs on rotation, but I also know for a fact that I can have sex with 3+ new attractive girls in the next month if I decide to hit the market hard. That’s a good feeling!How long did it take you to reach that level?
Blackdragon 2019-05-16 08:19:45
Most of them have mentioned the words “You are dangerous” along with “I feel safe with you” shortly before or after sex. This is nothing more than “attraction” and “comfort” as mentioned by BD.Yes, and that is almost exactly what you want to hear from a woman; both of those things at the same time. That's a strong indication you're doing a lot correctly. If she thinks you're dangerous, you're not getting laid (or not getting laid for very long). If she thinks you're safe, you're in for hardcore drama and/or betaization very soon (if not already). But if she has both at the same time, you're in.
Not only I have 1 OLTR and 3 young FBs on rotation, but I also know for a fact that I can have sex with 3+ new attractive girls in the next month if I decide to hit the market hard. That’s a good feeling!Perfect! OLTR + a few FBs is my favorite configuration. 🙂
John 2019-05-16 08:33:10
you have to make them laugh.Most funny guys are Beta males. That's shit women say (got to have a sense of humor) just before they jump on the back of a Harley and rides off with Joe hard ass who only cracks a smile when he blasts the exhaust on his bike.
Duke 2019-05-16 10:20:44
Women think guys they are attracted to are funny. So if she is laughing at what you said it's more than likely because she likes you, not necessarily because you have a sense of humor.
The kir 2019-05-16 14:29:02
Hi Bd I’m in dilemma regarding the physical appearance optimization I’m 24 years old 5’7 and 130 lbs which is considered skinny Assuming I work and have limited time: Should I prioritize hitting the gym to add muscle mass and temporary quit putting the numbers in or Focus on putting the numbers in and take it easy on the gym? What’s your opinion?
X 2019-05-16 15:15:20
@The kir You are kidding, right? For weight gain gym takes one hour a day three to four days a week. How the heck it is going to stop you from putting the numbers in?
Blackdragon 2019-05-16 15:33:04
Should I prioritize hitting the gym to add muscle mass and temporary quit putting the numbers in or Focus on putting the numbers in and take it easy on the gym? What’s your opinion?You can get laid just fine without gigantic Arnold muscles. If you only have enough time to put in the numbers OR lift weights, then of course my answer is to put in the numbers.
joelsuf 2019-05-16 15:35:37
Most funny guys are Beta males. That’s shit women say (got to have a sense of humor) just before they jump on the back of a Harley and rides off with Joe hard ass who only cracks a smile when he blasts the exhaust on his bike.Joe Funny will get thrown in the friend zone and will be frustrated unless he's outcome independent, then he just goes to the next chick, but Joe Hardass only gets one night stands, unless he's blasting the exhaust on his bike to impress people, which he is likely doing. The best thing is to be Joe Funny AND Joe Hardass, not just one. LMS + These five things + Asking out 20 chicks a week = Get chicks no matter how funny you are or how cool your ride is 😉
Incognito 2019-05-16 17:02:26
There's a lot of different ways of being funny. A sharp sense of humor is cool, self deprecating clowning isn't. No point pretending to slip over on a banana skin on a first date.
joe 2019-05-16 23:26:38
"Most funny guys are Beta males. That’s shit women say (got to have a sense of humor) just before they jump on the back of a Harley and rides off with Joe hard ass who only cracks a smile when he blasts the exhaust on his bike."There is a misconception that an Alpha male needs to be an arsehole. Why cant an Alpha be funny and have a sense of humor? BD is hilarious - listen to his podcasts and read his blogs. For me a sense of humor is a sign of intelligence. I believe that when you make woman laugh that they trust you easier. And I don't mean tell jokes. Rather be sharp and witty - they love that. I always ask for their number after I made them laugh and 90% of the time they give it to me even though we have only been talking an hour or so online...................
Leon 2019-05-17 01:10:54
How long did it take you to reach that level?I started reading PUA books/forums in 2014 and found BD's blog in 2016. However, most of them were just casual reading and inner-game self-strengthening of sort. I only started putting it in practice and hit my first blitz in 2017, when I finally had some free time. I don't have time to optimize my profile and just use photos shot by smartphone instead of professional ones like BD recommended, thus my opener-to-date ratio is not good, only about 10-15%. However, I have like 80%+ date-to-lay ratio, means I can quickly have sex with 4 out of every 5 girls I meet, in the 2nd or 3rd date. Every time I do a blitz, I have to deal with a quality problem of having too much sex with different new girls in a week in order to lock them in (done 6/7, only need 3, Cialis helps). Some did ONS me though. My main objective these days is not sarging girls, but keeping hot FBs on rotation as long as possible (can't upgrade them since I have OLTR) so I can avoid doing blitz every once in a while. Sadly, BD doesn't have any special technique about it, other than ''orgasm and good talk afterward''. If anyone knows any guru specializing in keeping hot, long-term FB, it will be much appreciated.
joe 2019-05-17 01:35:41
"I don’t have time to optimize my profile and just use photos shot by smartphone instead of professional ones like BD recommended, thus my opener-to-date ratio is not good, only about 10-15%." I though my profile was okay. Turns out it wasn't. If I can offer you one tip - get a girlfriend to do your profile for you. My one girlfriend picked 6 photos for Tinder, filtered some of them (she did not use one that I was using) and she wrote a wicked description of me - everything true but in a stylish way. Since then I have gotten 10 x more likes on Tinder. Turns out you see yourself a lot different than woman do. So get a woman to choose what she likes. Hope this makes sense
Antekirtt 2019-05-17 02:49:03
I’m 24 years old 5’7 and 130 lbs which is considered skinny Assuming I work and have limited time: Should I prioritize hitting the gym to add muscle mass and temporary quit putting the numbers inTake a low frequency/ high yield approach to the gym. Either 1-2 big workouts per week, or 4-5 very short but very efficient workouts (whichever fits best into your busy schedule). Focus 95% on big compound lifts and on few, intense sets (press, row, pulldown, squat, deadlift), don't give a rat's ass about small isolation exercises, and prioritize adding weight and reps in the medium rep range whenever possible, while getting as much daily animal protein as possible. Unless this leaves you sore all week, which it might in the beginning (lol), you can shift your attention to dating the rest of time.
John 2019-05-17 06:37:30
There is a misconception that an Alpha male needs to be an arsehole. Why cant an Alpha be funny and have a sense of humor?A lot of alpha males are funny also. Or try to be funny becuase they've heard women like a sense of humor. My disagreement was with your assertion "you have to make them laugh" as an absolute. The example of the asshole harley (guy was just a counter to say plenty of guys do without it. Sense of humor is good but not required. I get laid many times by just smiling, nodding, asking questions about them, and then well timed escalation. It's all about frame and knowing when to set the hook.
Blackdragon 2019-05-17 09:26:49
My main objective these days is not sarging girls, but keeping hot FBs on rotation as long as possible (can’t upgrade them since I have OLTR) so I can avoid doing blitz every once in a while. Sadly, BD doesn’t have any special technique about it, other than ”orgasm and good talk afterward”.You need to clear the emotions and slowly re-read what you just wrote.
A lot of alpha males are funny also. Or try to be funny becuase they’ve heard women like a sense of humor. My disagreement was with your assertion “you have to make them laugh” as an absolute.It's an issue of degree. Being funny is important; one of my core techniques for first dates is to make her laugh, at least a little, every few minutes. Getting from zero to sex quickly by being serious the entire time is going to be damn near impossible. And at the same time, you can't go too far with it and a hell of a lot of men do, perhaps even most men. If you overdo it (which again, is very easy to do) you get into clown mode which shoves you directly into eternal friend zone. I talked about this here when I spoke about Asian guys who do this. So yes, you need to be funny, but only to a point, then stop!
the retired one 2019-05-19 04:02:43
So yes, you need to be funny, but only to a point, then stop!It takes some daring to call "humour" what will make a woman laugh. In reality, humour involves subtlety, irony, thus a fair measure of complexity, thus is an instant chat-breaker, date-breaker, courtship-breaker, and deal-breaker, because, at least, it will confuse them. Better call the plays we are required to perform lowest-common-denominator pranks and banter, since that's what they are?
paul 2019-05-30 04:11:20
Can you do a blog post about 5-7 skills needed for Sales/Marketing ( aka making cash )?