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How To Qualify Women For Certain Relationships
Today we’re going to talk about your women, the different types of relationships (which most of you already understand), and also the qualifications for those women to be in certain types of relationships. I get a lot of questions about this.
-By Caleb Jones
FB — Friend with Benefits
This is a woman you’re having sex with but aren’t dating. She’s your friend. You’re not going on dates or spending the night; you’re just hooking up. Every Alpha Male 2.0 should have at least one FB, preferably more. The other relationship types that follow are optional, but an Alpha Male should always have FBs.
MLTR — Multiple Long-Term Relationships
This is a woman you’re dating and having sex with. You like her romantically and have romantic intentions. You go on dates, spend the night, and spend extra time with her. At the same time, it’s non-monogamous and non-exclusive. There have been times in the past when I had two, three, or even four MLTRs. More than two MLTRs is a lot of work though. You can have any combination of FBs and MLTRs in any numbers you can handle.
OLTR — Open Long-Term Relationship
This is the Alpha Male 2.0 equivalent of your girlfriend. It’s just like an MLTR, except it’s exclusive. You’re not allowed to date other women if you have an OLTR, and she’s not allowed to date other men — but you can hook up with other women as long as they’re just FBs or one night stands. It’s a much more serious, committed type of relationship.
This is an OLTR you live with full time. This is regardless of whether you’re legally married; the legalities of the situation aren’t relevant because if you’re living with a woman full time, you’re living the lifestyle of a married man.
For my part, I have an OLTR Wife, Pink Firefly, and I have several FBs. But you can choose any configuration of these that you want.
Now let’s talk about the requirements for these relationships.
Requirements for FBs
What are the requirements for an FB?
That’s a trick question — there are none.
You can have any woman you want as an FB. There are no real requirements outside of the requirements of someone you’d have sex with.
Personally, I only have two requirements for FBs, and they’re very open-ended. A woman can be an FB for me provided:
- She is physically attractive. On the scale of ugly, average, cute, and hot, she must be at least cute, but preferably hot.
- She can’t be a bitch to me. I’ve had FBs and MLTRs who were total bitches to other people in their lives, but they weren’t to me.
I don’t do drama, so if she’s nice (or at least neutral) to me and physically attractive, she’s in as a FB for me. There are no other requirements.
Also, she can have boyfriends. I didn’t say she had to be single.
You could choose to add more requirements to FBs if you wanted to, but that would limit your options, and I don’t know why you would. You can get pickier as you get further down into the model — you should definitely be pickier with OLTRs, for instance.
Requirements for MLTRs
A lot of guys misunderstand this and think the requirements for MLTRs are almost like an OLTR, like those of an actual girlfriend — and that’s not the case. MLTRs are not your girlfriends. They’re just women you’re dating.
My only extra requirement for an MLTR on top of an FB is that she can’t live a completely reckless life. For example, let’s say she does hard drugs, like a hard-core heroin addict. In that case, I would probably pass.
To be clear, I’ve had lower-end MLTRs in the past who were reasonable drug users. I’m not talking about smoking weed; I’m talking about hard drugs. As I got older, I raised the bar a little bit on that front.
So the requirements for MLTRs are the same as for FBs: She has to be physically attractive and can’t be a bitch to me, but on top of that, she can’t live a completely chaotic life. That’s really the only requirement that goes beyond that of an FB. As always, keep the requirements low. (Some guys choose to put an age requirement on MLTRs, and that makes sense for some men.)
Requirements for OLTRs
Now we’re getting picky. An OLTR is your girlfriend. She’s a big deal, because when you commit to an OLTR, you are no longer allowed to have MLTRs again unless you break up with your OLTR. (You can have FBs, just not MLTRs.)
A woman who wants to be your OLTR needs to earn it. You don’t just give it to her because she demands it. Here’s how this works:
An OLTR must get her start as an MLTR, and she must be an MLTR for at least six months — 12 months is better — with almost zero problems. That means almost zero drama and almost zero jealousy. You’ve finally had The Talk letting her know you’ll never be monogamous, she survived it, you’re continuing to see her, and she’s more or less OK.
Here’s my example. I dated Pink Firefly for a year and a half before she became my OLTR. She started as an FB and became an MLTR. The woman before her, H.B.M., was in my life as an FB and MLTR for three years before she became an OLTR. So the longer a woman sits at MLTR, the better, because you don’t know what you’re dealing with when you first start dating someone.
The dumbest thing men do is start having sex with a woman and then turn her into a girlfriend. That’s fucking stupid. No wonder guys have drama, problems, and chaos in their dating lives. Again, at least six months as a well-behaved MLTR is a requirement for OLTR; a year is better. Beyond a year is even better.
Once you make the decision to upgrade the relationship to OLTR, you then have the OLTR Talk, which is different from The Talk. This is where you essentially go through all the negatives about yourself and list all the things she’s going to hate. Lay it all out from the beginning so there are no surprises. (I cover the exact steps involved in doing The Talk and The OLTR Talk in The Ultimate Open Relationships Manual.)
Most people do this in the opposite order. They get serious with someone without talking about any of the negatives, they move in together, God forbid they may even have kids together, and then all the negative shit comes out and it’s way too late. You don’t want to do that.
You can add other requirements to your OLTR. This is where you’re allowed to get picky; you can add requirements for her physical appearance, intelligence, and so on. Just don’t go crazy with it. Don’t be one of these traditional right-wing guys who has a list of 37 things they need to find in a perfect wife who doesn't exist. But you are welcome to add extra requirements for an OLTR.
Requirements for OLTR Wife
The core requirement for an OLTR Wife is a woman who gets to the OLTR level and is able to maintain that level for a long period of time with few or no problems without living with you.
It took Pink Firefly two years to go from OLTR to OLTR Wife. I wanted to make sure before we moved in together that we had a nice long track record of being emotionally exclusive and serious without a lot of problems, jealousy, or drama; all the things most people encounter in their serious relationships eventually. I wanted to watch things very carefully and see how they went when we had disagreements, and only after about two years did things get comfortable enough for me to move in. As soon as she moves in, she becomes your OLTR Wife.
So what’s the theme with this serious stuff? WAIT A LONG TIME — as long as you can possibly wait. As I’ve said many times on my blogs, to you guys who are desperate for girlfriends or wives, there is no rush. You have plenty of time. Men do not have a biological clock like women do. We can have babies whenever the fuck we want. We also age much better than women (generally speaking). So there’s no need to rush into a serious girlfriend or live-in relationship.
TAKE YOUR TIME. The longer you wait to get serious with a woman, the better the odds are that the relationship will last in this modern era. You have to be very careful and take this slowly, step by step. NO RUSHING.
Again, most of you guys reading today shouldn’t even have an OLTR. I’ve said this many times: You should not have a girlfriend until you’re at least 30. You should not move in with a woman in a romantic context until you’re at least 35.
So if you’re under the age of 30, go crazy with FBs and MLTRs. You can even have a high-end MLTR, which means she’s your favorite. She’s still not your girlfriend though, and you’re still wide open and available to date whomever you want.
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TheMaleBrain 2020-09-14 05:22:05
My current/lasting status is that I have 2 MLTRs and occasional side piece. This has been going on for 4 years strait. Hard as I tried, I could not hold on to 3 MLTRs. It isn't a solid arrangement (for me), it takes 1-2 months time before it breaks down and one of the MLTRs leaves. My main difficulty is the FB, as I don't intend in the next few years to upgrade any MLTR (both high-end. Longest is 6 years and the other is 4 years) to OLTR status. My problem is that I don't put enough effort into creating prospects. I'm more of a PS then a TH kind of guy. In 2016 I put in the effort and had (on top of the 2 MLTRs) additional 6 girls. Ah, good times. As per MLTR requirements: I noticed that introvert girls are better material for MLTR. They create less drama, and are more satisfied with "being without you for a few days", even if they (GASP) "love you".
M 2020-09-14 09:25:23
Great article. The main problem we have in America today is women's push for relationships, sometimes just after the first few dates [let alone 6+ months]. How do you stave off that impulse conditioning of theirs ? Their impulse comes from both SP and OBW. Their girlfriends, their families whisper in their ears...
Daniel defoe 2020-09-14 09:53:04
"How do you stave off that impulse conditioning of theirs" M , I used to asked BD that type of question and he typed this....... [ just say no , have some balls .]
Blackdragon 2020-09-14 12:15:51
Hard as I tried, I could not hold on to 3 MLTRs. It isn’t a solid arrangement (for me), it takes 1-2 months time before it breaks down and one of the MLTRs leaves.3 MLTRs is doable (I've done it) but yeah, it takes way too much work in my view.
My main difficulty is the FB, as I don’t intend in the next few years to upgrade any MLTR (both high-end. Longest is 6 years and the other is 4 years) to OLTR status.That's fine. I'm the same and always have been (it's rare I upgrade any FB to anything).
I noticed that introvert girls are better material for MLTR. They create less drama, and are more satisfied with “being without you for a few days”, even if they (GASP) “love you”.I like introverted women a little better as well but you're stating a matter of your personal preference and not a general axiom.
The main problem we have in America today is women’s push for relationships, sometimes just after the first few dates [let alone 6+ months].That is not an American thing. That's a woman thing. Just about all women will push for something eventually (with exceptions). The Alpha Male 2.0 system accounts for this and integrates this into the system.
How do you stave off that impulse conditioning of theirs ?You don't stave it off. You integrate it. (The Cardinal Rules, The Talk, soft nexting, LSNFTE, roster, etc).
Andy L. 2020-09-14 12:36:25
@ Daniel defoe Let me respond without referring back to Black Dragon's material and see how close I get: It starts with the very first date and the frame we present to the girl, I think it's called EFA (early frame announcement). EFA is the message we send the girl through body language, verbal cues, and the absence of beta boyfriend behaviors. The first date is brief. Conversation is light and witty. Keep turning the conversation to sex, use casual touching to convey your message, and stay outcome independent. The entire purpose of the first two dates is the get to sex fast through comfort and attraction, so we do not engage in deep political, social, or interview verbal exchanges. We are confident, cool, and do not give a shit about anything in particular. She should be doing 80% of the talking. We do not kiss on the first date. Maybe not even the second. We do not engage in boyfriend behavior, i.e. texting constantly, phone calls, asking about family, buying her things. We show up, have sex, and leave. No hanging about and "doing things" with her. Maintaining the correct frame will prevent 90% of her conditioning. If not, and she makes an ultimatum...well, you know what to do. One of those soft nexts, or a shrug of the shoulders and move on. She will be back.
Paul Proteus 2020-09-14 22:57:13
TAKE YOUR TIME. The longer you wait to get serious with a woman, the better the odds are that the relationship will last in this modern era. You have to be very careful and take this slowly, step by step. NO RUSHING.Wiser words have seldom been spoken. How do you know a fish is a docile fish and is not a shark in disguise? You spend enough time with it to see, on many occasions, that it doesn’t go into a frenzy in the presence of shed blood in the water.
Robin 2020-09-15 03:46:54
Some of the younger girls smoke, and since you don't screen. How would an Alpha 2.0 that are anti-smoking qualify/handle such a girl?
AlphaOmega 2020-09-15 05:36:30
Some of the younger girls smoke, and since you don’t screen. How would an Alpha 2.0 that are anti-smoking qualify/handle such a girl?Same as anything else you don't like about a girl but that isn't necessarily a total deal breaker for you in terms of fucking her from time to time: you meet perhaps less often and you make it clear in some way that you don't like it but that its up to her what she does if she doesn't care what you think she might find you meet her less often and if she wants to see you more she will know what to change but you leave it to her without pushing it on her. Its kinda the same if she for example cuts her hair which makes her less attractive to you - you dont tell her what she has to do but you show to her that it makes her less interesting to you.
Blackdragon 2020-09-15 10:38:24
Some of the younger girls smoke, and since you don’t screen. How would an Alpha 2.0 that are anti-smoking qualify/handle such a girl?If she's an FB, ignore it and proceed. I am anti-smoking and think cigarettes are fucking disgusting on multiple levels, but I have and had many FBs who smoke (cigarettes and/or weed). Don't care. If she's an MLTR, that's your decision. I personally would still go for it as long as she kept the smoking more or less away from me and I would never move her to high-end MLTR.
BlueJay 2020-09-15 14:46:05
At what stage can we have kids together? High end MLTR? OLTR? OLTR wife?
Pseudonymous User 2020-09-15 15:08:17
Some of the younger girls smoke, and since you don’t screen. How would an Alpha 2.0 that are anti-smoking qualify/handle such a girl?The beauty of it is that they will go out of their way not to annoy you if you do things right. Smokers know well smoking is obnoxious to non-smokers, so if a girl does it in your presence or doesn't make an effort to smell good, you must have failed to communicate you dislike smoke or that you don't put up with stuff.
Blackdragon 2020-09-15 16:21:14
At what stage can we have kids together? High end MLTR? OLTR? OLTR wife?There is no solid answer to that question because some men would like to have kids without living with the mother. Normally and ideally the answer is OLTR Wife, but one could have kids with an OLTR or even an MLTR if he was 100% prepared and 100% aware he was doing something unusual.
Dallaz 2020-09-16 22:32:48
BD I don't think you mentioned this is your book but if a woman hits you with the LSNFTE but texts you to hookup twice later, Can you initiate contact after that or they have to do 100% of it?
Aloofus 2020-09-17 05:08:13
BD, You mention almost no jealousy for an OLTR... Isn't that asking a woman not to be a woman? I agree with no drama from jealousy, but my OLTR every so often needs assurance I'm not going to leave her for one of the other women I'm fucking. Now she's not actually causing any issues/problems with it, she's just being a woman. We talk about it and everything is good. Though you might not be counting that at jealousy.
CTV 2020-09-17 08:33:03
The weird thing is these days the Media and Society almost want you to prioritize Masculine traits they would need to succeed in the business world and such. Which I support women doing of course.. however it seems to in many case wash out their femininity or make it hard for them to get out of that work mode. It becomes a catch because those women badly want to break out of that shell.. So if you're upfront as an Alpha 2.0 can work but requires more work from YOU.. Or at minimum as FWB's or possibly date on some level for True Independents (Not Dominants) 1. You catch this shit from promoted in media in today's movies and FB/Insta bullshit.. Thus somehow trying alienate you if you don't.. Similar to how fat acceptance and anti racism shit and shit goes way overboard.. 2. You mathematically in many states (CA/NY most def) a two income household with kids just to survive.. Thus making men have to check out chicks incomes more as qualifying traits (Big No No as we've talked about here and seen for myself).
Blackdragon 2020-09-17 11:38:09
BD I don’t think you mentioned this is your book but if a woman hits you with the LSNFTE but texts you to hookup twice later, Can you initiate contact after that or they have to do 100% of it?Yes, because if you've fucked her twice again you're back in the relationship again. The LSNFTE ends as soon as you have sex with her again.
You mention almost no jealousy for an OLTR… Isn’t that asking a woman not to be a woman?The key word in that sentence is almost. Just about all women will demonstrate some jealousy, of course. But if she demonstrates a lot, she does not qualify for OLTR.
I agree with no drama from jealousy, but my OLTR every so often needs assurance I’m not going to leave her for one of the other women I’m fucking.It really depends on what you mean by "every so often." If it's more than about once a month, I'd move on. There's no way in hell I'd be with PF if she needed that assurance every month or more. Jesus, fuck that.
It becomes a catch because those women badly want to break out of that shell..Correct. Most women don't want to act like men even if they try to act like men because that's what society says that's what Strong Independent Women do.
You mathematically in many states (CA/NY most def) a two income household with kids just to survive.. Thus making men have to check out chicks incomes more as qualifying traitsAmazingly, this has already started to happen. Some young dudes looking for girlfriends (or future wives) are now looking at women's incomes as factors regarding whether or not to date them. As I've said, cultural collapse has already begun....
AlphaOmega 2020-09-17 13:09:34
You mathematically in many states (CA/NY most def) a two income household with kids just to survive.. Thus making men have to check out chicks incomes more as qualifying traits (Big No No as we’ve talked about here and seen for myself).This is a whole topic of its own but I often wonder if the cause is partly that people accept it like what I mean is if I was to move for a job to a city with tripple rent then of course I expect the salary needs to be proportionally higher otherwise why would I go? Of course I shouldnt if not. Yet when I say this people look at me like they dont know what I talk about.
Blackdragon 2020-09-17 21:57:31
This is a whole topic of its own but I often wonder if the cause is partly that people accept it like what I mean is if I was to move for a job to a city with tripple rent then of course I expect the salary needs to be proportionally higher otherwise why would I go? Of course I shouldnt if not. Yet when I say this people look at me like they dont know what I talk about.That is very different than to qualify a woman to date/fuck based on her income as one of your key factors. You shouldn't give a shit unless you're either a scammer or a total beta.
AlphaOmega 2020-09-18 01:07:54
That is very different than to qualify a woman to date/fuck based on her income as one of your key factors. You shouldn’t give a shit unless you’re either a scammer or a total beta.Thats exactly what I said, instead of looking for a rich woman the solution is to live in a cheaper place if you cannot afford the expensive cities (yet).
xillong 2020-09-18 12:35:31
My current/lasting status is that I have 2 MLTRs and occasional side piece. This has been going on for 4 years strait. Hard as I tried, I could not hold on to 3 MLTRs. It isn’t a solid arrangement (for me), it takes 1-2 months time before it breaks down and one of the MLTRs leaves. My main difficulty is the FB, as I don’t intend in the next few years to upgrade any MLTR (both high-end. Longest is 6 years and the other is 4 years) to OLTR status.@TheMaleBrain Two consistent MLTRs for 4+ years is pretty impressive. Maybe you or someone else can share additional tips or experiences on how to establish and maintain these longer-term relationships. For example: * When did you give them the talk and how did it go? * How do you handle jealousy between them? * How do you manage expectations for 'emotional progress' or pushing for OLTR status? * What rough percentage of women lasts that long without major breaks? I am following BDs women advice and it helps a lot. However, my relationships are much shorter than I like them to be, usually a few months to a year (MLTRs and FBs). Any tips or shared experiences are appreciated.