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Today we’re going to talk about love. Love just makes the world go ‘round, doesn’t it?
Love in an Alpha Male 2.0 context is very different from when you love a woman from a beta male or Alpha Male 1.0 perspective. And we’re talking about romantic love for a woman here; I’m not talking about how you love your brother, your dog, or your dad. And in terms of being in love, I think upwards of 99% of men are really only capable of loving one woman. In my experience and research, it’s next to impossible for that kind of love to apply to more than one woman.
-By Caleb Jones
How It’s Done
I am married to Pink Firefly, and I mean it literally when I say she is the most wonderful, perfect woman for me that I have ever dated in my entire life. That is saying something because I have dated scores of women over the last 13 years (and a little before that as a beta male). A lot of them were amazing women, and I’ve been in love a few times. I’m Blackdragon and I'm almost fifty, so I’ve been around the block.
But of all those women, Pink Firefly is the pinnacle in terms of her for me and in terms of the relationship I have with her. I love her more than I have ever loved a woman in my entire life. She is literally a dream come true for me; I love her on a spiritual level that I have not experienced often. It is beyond amazing.
That said, it’s also true that if Pink Firefly reaches a point in our relationship where she is giving me drama on a recurring basis and it’s not stopping despite our best efforts, I will instantly terminate the relationship and I will do so immediately and with zero regrets. She will, literally, be out of my house in no more than 48 hours. I won’t like it, but I won’t hesitate to do it.
In other words, I love her completely, but I don’t have oneitis. The vast majority of men are the opposite: When they love (or really like) a woman, they will do anything to keep her. They will argue and fight to keep her, and they’ll sacrifice massive portions of their lives and masculinity. I would say that for 97% of men, love equals oneitis. When a normal man loves a woman, all she has to do is make a bunch of demands, and if he thinks she’s serious about leaving him, he’ll immediately begin to compromise.
I hear this from guys online and in real life all the time—they will "do anything to make this relationship work." No! That’s oneitis, folks. Fuck that.
Do you think I’ll "do anything" to keep Pink Firefly? FUCK NO! There are all kinds of things I won’t do. Not just drama, because that would be the most likely reason for me to terminate my relationship with Pink Firefly, but other things, like demands. If for some reason, she came to me one day and said she didn’t want me to have sex with other women anymore, boom, she’d be out of my house within 48 hours.
Same thing if she came to me and said she didn’t like that I was working so much. If she demanded that I cut back on work to spend more time with her, she’d be out of my house within 48 hours.
It doesn’t mean I don’t love her. I love her more than I’ve ever loved. I can love completely without having oneitis or sacrificing my rationality and masculinity.
When you reach that point as an Alpha Male 2.0—a point beta male and Alpha Males 1.0 will never reach—you will achieve a level of happiness you don’t even understand right now. I mean that literally, and I speak from experience. I am happy to a degree I didn’t even understand I could reach. One of the main reasons is because I can love without being stupid or having oneitis. I can love and still be a man.
One of the endgames of the Alpha Male 2.0 is to love as much as you possibly can, based on your personality, without sacrificing any rationality. This is something men don’t do. Most men fuck this up.
Guys who are de facto monogamous are good examples of this. De facto monogamy is when you’re messing around with three women, let’s say, and over a period of time, two of the women kind of float away, leaving you with just the one. And one day, you wake up and realize it’s been three months and you haven’t had sex with anyone except the woman who’s left. That’s de facto monogamy. You didn’t promise her monogamy, but you are monogamous—you’re only having sex with her.
Men who do that are acting on emotion rather than rationality. I’ve never seen a man actively choose de facto monogamy; when it happens, it happens to them. But what I have seen them do is rationalize their decision by emphasizing how great the woman they’re with actually is. It’s all beta male bullshit and rationalizing things backward, not the result of a conscious, rational decision. They’re getting feelings for this woman and getting oneitis, and they irrationally fall into this pattern.
That is something I’ve literally never done. I’ve never fallen into de facto monogamy with a woman, certainly not in the last 13 years as an Alpha Male 2.0. I have always been rational regarding the relationships structures with women in my life. These relationships are there to make me as happy as possible and I never forget this. I don’t get lazy or complacent or distracted with work, but I still focus on what’s important, which is my happiness. I can’t be happy if I’m not rational in my relationships, and neither can you.
Another example is Alpha Males 1.0 or more confident betas who commit to monogamy, realize they don’t like it, and start cheating. Around 90% of the time, they didn’t sit down and plan to lie to their women by promising monogamy with the intention of cheating on them. Most men who cheat were just stupid and didn't think this shit through. They start dating a woman who’s “not like the rest,” they commit to monogamy, it’s fine for a few months, and one day they wake up and wonder why they ever agreed to this. Then they create drama, or cheat and get caught, and so on.
They got oneitis and became irrational. They lost rationality when they caught the feelings. You don’t want to do that. The objective is to be in love and have those feelings while remaining rational. Men who are serial cheaters have never sat down and thought through whether this is a workable model, and that’s why they do it. And like the de facto monogamy guys, they then backward-rationalize how they painted themselves into this corner.
Ultimate success in your woman life, especially for those of you who want to settle down in some way in the long run, is getting to the point, emotionally and mentally, where you can love a woman (however you define romantic love) and not lose any objectivity. You need the objectivity to only use relationship models that actually work long term (or that won’t harm you if they fail) without putting up with any bullshit or limits on your freedom or happiness just to keep a woman, even if you love her more than you’ve ever loved before.
How do you get there? Practice. You practice by having FBs and MLTRs for years. Eventually, when you’re ready (and want to—this is optional), you practice having your first OLTR. The very first time you do these things, you’ll make mistakes. Do you think I did MLTRs perfectly the first time I tried? No, I fucked them up. But by the third one, it worked perfectly, and I’ve had many FBs and MLTRs since then. My married OLTR with Pink Firefly is working beautifully, and we've been together for six years and are about to hit our three-year mark in our marriage where most married couples are encountering all kinds of problems.
If you’re a very outcome-dependent or hyper-emotional guy right now, you probably won’t accomplish this goal next month (or even next year). Work towards this anyway! That’s why you need to practice these models, so you can get to the point where you can love a woman without holding back. I don’t hold back any feelings with Pink Firefly at this point, and I haven’t for years. I can feel these feelings and express them while remaining a rational Alpha Male 2.0.
With some practice, you’ll be able to do the same.
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JohnnySixpack 2020-11-16 09:15:22
Timely post. I’ve worked for several years to incorporate the outcome independence and the removal of social programming from my life. In doing so, I had (up until recently) an excellent OLTR/FB situation. For almost 4 years the relationship with my OLTR were by far the most meaningful and “value added” situations I’ve ever had. Consistently happy, yet able to pursue my mission and see other women as I saw fit. HOWEVER — something went wrong. It’s possible I lost my edge and was too accommodating in the end. As we all know, in the end, everything is “my” fault as men have the burden of performance. Although I suspect another contributing factor (and one that BD has touched on although possibly not in this context). That factor is the aging and hormonal changes that a woman experiences WITHIN and during an OLTR. The conditions under which an early-mid thirties woman will be ok with the terms of an OLTR seem to change markedly at the late-thirties and beyond stage of a woman’s life. Perhaps they start to feel as though they need financial security beyond what they had as a younger thirty-something? In any case, for my situation, this resulted in increased shit-testing, and a few soft nexts which, in the past, seemed to take care of the issue. Surprisingly, the soft next seemed to exacerbate the issue and resulted in a spiral of drama that resulted in me terminating the relationship. I was sad and it hurt, but as BD writes above—avoiding oneitis is crucial. I hadn’t changed any terms, she did. And since the terms of the relationship were no longer mutually beneficial it was time to end it. I was with this girl for almost 6 years. First as an FB, then as an MLTR and for the last 3.5 years an OLTR. Most men would have all kinds of tethers (joint property, cell phone plans, etc) which would prolong the breakup process. Because I had scrupulously avoided any of that, I had her belongings boxed up and the relationship terminated within 48 hours. Using BDs advice to avoid co-owned or joint anything also prevents “relationship inertia” from forming. That is, the concept that it’s just “too much trouble” to disentangle and therefore easier to stay in something that is sub-optimal. BDs advice is gold on this matter.
Blackdragon 2020-11-16 11:16:52
That factor is the aging and hormonal changes that a woman experiences WITHIN and during an OLTR. The conditions under which an early-mid thirties woman will be ok with the terms of an OLTR seem to change markedly at the late-thirties and beyond stage of a woman’s life.I have never seen this at this particular age. That was your particular OLTR. Example: Pink Firefly started dating me when she was 33. She is about to turn 41. No difference in her attitude towards non-monogamy whatsoever in that time (plus or minus). But that being said, yes, women change their minds. It's what they're biologically wired to do. Expect it and never be surprised by it. (If PF suddenly wakes up one day and decides she hates non-monogamy and doesn't want to do it anymore, I will be disappointed, but not surprised. She's a girl.)
In any case, for my situation, this resulted in increased shit-testing, and a few soft nexts which, in the past, seemed to take care of the issue. Surprisingly, the soft next seemed to exacerbate the issue and resulted in a spiral of drama that resulted in me terminating the relationship.I would bet $1,000 you did some aspect of the soft next incorrectly. My best guess: you answered one of her post-next contacts prematurely.
I was sad and it hurt, but as BD writes above—avoiding oneitis is crucial. I hadn’t changed any terms, she did. And since the terms of the relationship were no longer mutually beneficial it was time to end it.Well done. If more men were like you it would be a world full of happier men.
Because I had scrupulously avoided any of that, I had her belongings boxed up and the relationship terminated within 48 hours. Using BDs advice to avoid co-owned or joint anything also prevents “relationship inertia” from forming.Outstanding.
CrabRangoon 2020-11-16 11:31:05
@JohnnnySixpack "Using BDs advice to avoid co-owned or joint anything also prevents “relationship inertia” from forming. That is, the concept that it’s just “too much trouble” to disentangle and therefore easier to stay in something that is sub-optimal." You've hit on a key component of this lifestyle and something I've adhered to well before I even had a name for it. You have to resist the urging and often shaming that happens when you refuse to combine key aspects of your life. I personally know many couple who are in soul sucking relationships but are so entangled and entwined with each other. it's very difficult to eject, so they just stay and continue to bitch. They combine finances, residences, even businesses (that one blows my mind to no end) which would entail some major legal battles to get out from under. It would feel like a prison to me and I'd go mad-as a freedom loving Alpha 2.0 type of guy, it's a nightmare scenario but one you can avoid by simply not being dumb. Well done!
VP 2020-11-16 15:11:29
Is there a way to subscribe to this blog by email?
Blackdragon 2020-11-16 18:41:13
Is there a way to subscribe to this blog by email?Click the big green button at the top of the blog that says Click Here For Your Free Gifts.
AlphaOmega 2020-11-17 05:53:26
I think upwards of 99% of men are really only capable of loving one womanI always assumed it was more like 50-80%. It is well known that there are men are able to love multiple women. I would accept if you want to say something like 90 to 95 even but 99+? come on, you know its not true.
hollywood 2020-11-17 12:37:28
I haven't ever been keen on the idea of OLTR, however I do agree wholeheartedly with the importance of not becoming defacto monogamous. I have actually had this happen. Was LSNFTE by MLTR at the same time two FB's both got boyfriends and cut me off. That was hard to avoid or plan for but it wasn't quite a month that I went without. That's been a few years. Since then I have secured an older polyamorous woman as an FB. For a couple years now, she has saved me from any defacto monogamy. This woman fucks lots of guys but she is always down for me. To the point I hit her up and she cancels whoever she had plans with and schedules me in. I often go about a month in between visits with her. This is also why she prioritizes me. I always make her cum and by seeing her so rarely, I am like some sort of special treat to her it seems. I have found this reduces my stress level about maintaining backup FB's. A true poly woman seems to stick around reliably. I no longer start freaking out and sarging for new women as soon as an FB falls off because I know this woman is always on the bench. Having a woman like this is a great thing to have IMO because I can have an MLTR whom I care for deeply, without focusing too much time on keeping a huge roster. Instead I can sarge for women when I have spare time, like when I'm out in public and can do daygame while I'm shopping or something. No longer worrying about the dating apps or meeting women at clubs, I can just hit up women naturally while performing other tasks. The point of this I think is, that you can sometimes find reliable women (this one claimed to be poly when I met her and really was) that are poly that will stick around for years even when you rarely see them. So if I was to go the OLTR route, I would be happier doing this as opposed to paying sugar babies/hookers etc. And gives me more free time then I think I would have if I had to mess with sugar/salt game.
Blackdragon 2020-11-17 13:56:11
It is well known that there are men are able to love multiple women."Well known?" Okay, show me the data.
I haven’t ever been keen on the idea of OLTRBecause you're still young (under age 35). Let's see how you feel about it when you're 50+.
Having a woman like this is a great thing to have IMO because I can have an MLTR whom I care for deeply, without focusing too much time on keeping a huge roster.Agree! As I've said many times, two women is all most men will need.
AlphaOmega 2020-11-18 00:19:58
As I’ve said many times, two women is all most men will need.its enough yes but in my experience too easy to lose both sometimes around the same time. 3 feels much more stable and reliable
hollywood 2020-11-18 07:32:59
its enough yes but in my experience too easy to lose both sometimes around the same time. 3 feels much more stable and reliableOh I agree, because I have became defacto-monogamous by losing two fb's at the same time before. However this was my point about a truly poly woman. The one I am talking about sleeps with 3-6 different men a week. That's not as bad as a prostitute, most likely, and I don't spend any money. However, she's older than me and I always make her cum, so she's always on my bench. She never has a true boyfriend, so there's no reason why she can't just sleep with me whenever I hit her up, and so far she does, even when I've went as long as 2 months without contacting or even talking to her. I usually only wait about a month in between visits however.
Phero 2020-11-20 06:40:33
Speaking of making a woman cum.... BD says the easiest way to make a woman cum is by going down on her. My question is:- does one go down on a new woman? Someone one just met and has had no time to know about her sexual history / practices? I'm asking from the health perspective...
Blackdragon 2020-11-20 09:05:51
BD says the easiest way to make a woman cum is by going down on her.Correct (without a vibrator, that is).
My question is:- does one go down on a new woman? Someone one just met and has had no time to know about her sexual history / practices? I’m asking from the health perspective…I generally do not. I wait a few times before doing that. But I still will do my best to make her cum the first time though, using finger or (if available, under certain conditions) vibrator. Making a woman cum with your finger isn't difficult (in most cases); it just takes more time.
Eric Smith 2020-11-21 07:54:45
A worthy cause. Seeing what deprogramming I can do with a philosophy mentor and potentially going to leap frog to a new sales job that will put me in position for an income that can lay that foundation for getting out of the prison for real. Been de facto monogamous for 4 years now. Thanks BD for the once a week rule and EFA. I know myself enough to at least avoid 2x per week or else I'll be left with nothing but my subconscious to keep replaying painful images and emotions until I find someone new...but being stuck in the prison. clocks ticking if she changes her mind at some point. Good post. Will be crazy awesome to pull this off. I've seen enough to know it's real. Thank you
AlphaOmega 2020-11-21 09:20:38
Been de facto monogamous for 4 years now.thats ok, I am doing that right now because I wanna focus my energy on other things than chasing girls just make sure you dont do it too long. 4 years is crazy unless shes being super good to you and seeing only once a week doesnt work long term if one doesnt have other women - are you gonna have sex only once a week for the rest of your life? im dating this girl for a couple of months and already seeing some small issues that wouldnt be there or would be irrelevant if I had other women so for me at least I dont need to worry about staying in this too long because i can only tolerate it shortly, but thats with having experienced both mono and multiple women at the same time. I know how it works or doesnt work in each case and what to expect
Blackdragon 2020-11-21 11:10:01
Been de facto monogamous for 4 years now.Time to change that. Now.