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Today I’m going to give you the one thing that will make or break 80% of your success or failure with online dating. It’s irrelevant what kind of online dating you’re doing, whether it’s an Instagram game, swipe apps like Tinder, sugar daddy game, or what have you.
-By Caleb Jones
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That one thing is your photos.
I mean this, guys. Eighty percent of all your success or failure with online dating lies with your photos. What you write in your profile text, how you construct your openers, how you pitch the first date, how you address objections—these are all important things.
But all of those things together add up to 20%. You can have amazing photos and do a bunch of other things wrong and still get dates. Conversely, you can do everything in that 20% perfectly and get no dates if your photos suck. That means 80% of your thoughts, processes, and resources need to go into maximizing your photos. Otherwise, you’re just wasting your time. And for some reason, there are still guys out there who think online dating is all about openers. That’s not right; your opener is the least important part of the process. It’s about your fucking photos.
What Not to Do
1. No selfies! “But Caleb, girls use selfies!” Yes, girls can use selfies. Are you a super-hot blonde Instagram model with big tits? No? Then you can’t use selfies.
2. Don’t use pictures you already have on your phone. A lot of guys do this. Years ago you could get away with that. Today, you can’t. The competition is too fierce. The photos you use for your online dating profiles must be specifically taken and designated for online dating.
3. Don’t use photos that friends or family took of you. They’re usually stupid and terrible. I have evaluated hundreds of men’s online dating profiles, and trust me, I have never seen one photo that was taken by a guy’s buddy or sister that looked really good on his profile. The elements are out of place, the lighting is off, you’ll be dressed stupid, it might be blurry, and so on.
4. Do not use shirtless mirror selfies! If you’re ripped and good-looking, you’ll have a much higher response rate if you take your shirt off and do something outside as part of an action shot. The stupid expressions guys use in mirror shots are ridiculous. You want to increase the odds that women will respond to your openers. That means your photos have to be the best you can make them, even if you are ripped and good-looking. Don’t use a mirror.
5. Do not use photos you took on your goddamn vacation! No one wants to see you standing in front of a mountain or pyramid. Those do not pull well for online dating. Put those on your Facebook. Don’t put them on Bumble. That’s not what gets women to match and respond to you.
Ideal Photos
This is an important point: Just because a photo is cool or has aspects that are pleasing does not mean it makes a good photo for your online dating profile. Here are some guidelines:
The number one piece of advice I can give you to change the game in terms of your online dating experience is to use a professional photographer to take your dating profile photos. Guys have done this and seen their match rates and response rates increase by double digits.
You can hire a professional photographer, or you can go on Craigslist and find a college-age photography student with a really good camera. Do not use pictures taken with a phone. Use a good, high-quality digital camera.
I did not say you go into a photography studio at fucking JC Penney or take a headshot like you’re a real estate agent. That would look terrible!
I mean you hire a professional or semi-professional photographer (or photography student) to take pictures of you in environments that look natural—not a photography studio. Outdoor shots look fantastic, especially for secondary and tertiary photos.
The best way to do that is to walk around outside and have the photographer take pictures of you doing things. Those shots are really good. Be honest with the photographer about what you’re using the photos for. Let them know you’re using them for online dating, and the photographer will help you avoid looking too stiff or posed.
The problem with most of us is that we’re not professional models, so we don’t know how to act in front of the camera. So don’t try. Walk around, talk to the air, and recite poetry, if it helps. It’ll help you look natural and relaxed.
Notice how different that is from pulling pictures off your phone or from a vacation. They’re geared directly toward showcasing you. That’s the idea.
There’s a lot more to this. This is one of the longest chapters in the Ultimate Online Dating Manual, and it goes through exactly how you get your pictures taken and how you process your photos for maximum match rates and response rates. It’s all in the book!
I mean this, guys. Eighty percent of all your success or failure with online dating lies with your photos. What you write in your profile text, how you construct your openers, how you pitch the first date, how you address objections—these are all important things.
But all of those things together add up to 20%. You can have amazing photos and do a bunch of other things wrong and still get dates. Conversely, you can do everything in that 20% perfectly and get no dates if your photos suck. That means 80% of your thoughts, processes, and resources need to go into maximizing your photos. Otherwise, you’re just wasting your time. And for some reason, there are still guys out there who think online dating is all about openers. That’s not right; your opener is the least important part of the process. It’s about your fucking photos.
What Not to Do
1. No selfies! “But Caleb, girls use selfies!” Yes, girls can use selfies. Are you a super-hot blonde Instagram model with big tits? No? Then you can’t use selfies.
2. Don’t use pictures you already have on your phone. A lot of guys do this. Years ago you could get away with that. Today, you can’t. The competition is too fierce. The photos you use for your online dating profiles must be specifically taken and designated for online dating.
3. Don’t use photos that friends or family took of you. They’re usually stupid and terrible. I have evaluated hundreds of men’s online dating profiles, and trust me, I have never seen one photo that was taken by a guy’s buddy or sister that looked really good on his profile. The elements are out of place, the lighting is off, you’ll be dressed stupid, it might be blurry, and so on.
4. Do not use shirtless mirror selfies! If you’re ripped and good-looking, you’ll have a much higher response rate if you take your shirt off and do something outside as part of an action shot. The stupid expressions guys use in mirror shots are ridiculous. You want to increase the odds that women will respond to your openers. That means your photos have to be the best you can make them, even if you are ripped and good-looking. Don’t use a mirror.
5. Do not use photos you took on your goddamn vacation! No one wants to see you standing in front of a mountain or pyramid. Those do not pull well for online dating. Put those on your Facebook. Don’t put them on Bumble. That’s not what gets women to match and respond to you.
Ideal Photos
This is an important point: Just because a photo is cool or has aspects that are pleasing does not mean it makes a good photo for your online dating profile. Here are some guidelines:
- An online dating photo must feature you as the centerpiece. A photo showing you standing in front of a 200-foot pyramid showcases the scenery, not you. It’s not right for an online dating profile; I don’t care how cool the pyramid looks.
- It also has to have perfect lighting.
- You need to be dressed in a way that matches your vibe, personality, and persona.
- There are certain colors that look really good on you; those should be the colors you’re wearing.
- Your profile photo should be in focus and have a shallow depth of field. The photos on your phone do not check these boxes.
The number one piece of advice I can give you to change the game in terms of your online dating experience is to use a professional photographer to take your dating profile photos. Guys have done this and seen their match rates and response rates increase by double digits.
You can hire a professional photographer, or you can go on Craigslist and find a college-age photography student with a really good camera. Do not use pictures taken with a phone. Use a good, high-quality digital camera.
I did not say you go into a photography studio at fucking JC Penney or take a headshot like you’re a real estate agent. That would look terrible!
I mean you hire a professional or semi-professional photographer (or photography student) to take pictures of you in environments that look natural—not a photography studio. Outdoor shots look fantastic, especially for secondary and tertiary photos.
The best way to do that is to walk around outside and have the photographer take pictures of you doing things. Those shots are really good. Be honest with the photographer about what you’re using the photos for. Let them know you’re using them for online dating, and the photographer will help you avoid looking too stiff or posed.
The problem with most of us is that we’re not professional models, so we don’t know how to act in front of the camera. So don’t try. Walk around, talk to the air, and recite poetry, if it helps. It’ll help you look natural and relaxed.
Notice how different that is from pulling pictures off your phone or from a vacation. They’re geared directly toward showcasing you. That’s the idea.
There’s a lot more to this. This is one of the longest chapters in the Ultimate Online Dating Manual, and it goes through exactly how you get your pictures taken and how you process your photos for maximum match rates and response rates. It’s all in the book!
Click here to register for the FREE webinar I'll be doing on December 3rd on how to be successful with online dating in the 2020s, with a full Q&A at the end.