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What Is A Gold Digger
There must be something in the water lately, because my ratio of gold diggers has been much higher than normal. Oh well. It's all part of the deal sometimes. Time for a quick lesson on gold diggers and that wonderful language, womanese.
-By Caleb Jones
For that reason, I'll always find a way to 'not be available' and move on. But she always seems to be turning up, like a (un)lucky penny. She is a former model, long blonde hair, perfect body, extremely beautiful, and one of those over-30 types I usually avoid (she's in her late 30's but looks about 30). As a result, she's used to men kissing her ass all over the place. Lots of ASD.
Last week, I had her over at my place. Attempted to sexually escalate all the way to sex. No go. Got some other fun stuff, but no CIP (cock-in-pussy). Just too much of that older-woman, entitlement-based ASD. Followed up with a few semi-sexual texts a few days later. The next day, she sends me the following email, which I have edited for privacy and brevity, with my comments.
...I really enjoy spending time with you and our talks. However, I have given this a bit of thought after our texts last night. I think it is fair that we both feel the way we do about relationships. I also sense tension and frustration building. Translation from womanese to English: "I know you want to fuck me and you ain't gettin' any. Sorry."
Unlike most men, I want women to know I'm a high-sex-drive man and who will attempt to fuck them very soon. I do not have this "If I try to fuck her too soon she might run away!" fear that most men share. Provided it's past the initial brief first date, I want women to run away from me if they don't want to have sex with me. That's a win in my book. Going on tons of dates with zero sex I consider a massive loss.
I want women to get into the "yes" or "no" categories as quickly as possible, ideally by the end of the second brief date. I hear and understand your concern over exclusive relationships too soon, but desire for intimacy. I also have expressed my need to be exclusive before intimacy. I will not sleep with someone without an exclusive relationship.
I don't recall saying anything like that, but she must have read behind the words of something I said or did. Which was likely my error. So not ideal, but still okay. She's just demonstrating more ASD. Usually women who say this kind of thing will still fuck you well before you promise any exclusivity. She's just saying what she's been told to say her entire life. Ignore what women say, and focus on what they do. In this case, she has physically resisted CIP sex more than once.
...our dates are so spaced with our schedules, it is hard to build. I don’t know what you are like yet...
Complaining about scheduling, and implying it's my fault (which is not the first time she's made that implication). Now listen to this. Historically, she has only been available one night a week to meet up, and if I can't make that one particular night work, I can't see her for another week or two. And at one point she was sick for two weeks,stretching this out even further. But because of chick logic, this horrible scheduling is my fault, not hers. A normal reaction for this type of woman.
I am extremely outgoing, I have wondered if this will drive you crazy. I get cabin fever BAD; I am always going or doing something (rarely home unless I have my daughter or throwing a dinner party). I think there is so much I love to do...it is hard to get to it all. Concerts, symphony, ballets, operas, sporting events, hiking, boating, jazz, shopping, spa days, films, cooking classes, charity benefits, lectures, zoo concerts, festivals, driving range (and I don’t golf, but I like it), beach, day-cruises, road trips to Tahoe, dancing, camping, book readings, new restaurants, boating, wine tasting, football parties, BBQs…. can’t wait to see a game! Am I making you dizzy yet? An adventure small or big is what sparks my attention in life.
She's high energy and loves adventure and romance. Not a problem, I'm the same. She wants to experience all this stuff with a man. Still not a problem. But here's the question (I'll make it multiple choice):
How does she expect all of these activities to be paid for?
A. She expects to pay 100% of all the costs.
B. She expects her and the romantic man to cover the costs equally, 50/50.
C. She expects the romantic man to pay for 100% of all the costs, at least most of the time.
If you answered A, you're an idiot. If you answered B, you're either a woman defending one of your sisters, or a man who has no experience in dating a woman like this. If you answered C, you'd be correct. She's a gold digger, and she's announcing it to me using her own words.
Add to the mix that we have not had sex yet, and I have tried to have sex with her, nicely, more than once (and not on the first date or anything like that), yet she still wants all of this stuff from me, and we get a recipe for some seriously bad juju. I don't mind spending money on a woman I care about and already have a good sexual relationship with, and I have. But all this crap before sex? This is the kind of woman who will lead you on and suck out your soul, for months and months if you let her.
If you want to spend time together great; if you feel that our relationship patterns are too different and we cannot both respect each other until there is a comfort in a merger, I understand that as well. What I don’t want is for either of us to feel disrespected or frustrated.
Translation: "Spend time with me, hang out with me, spend money on me. But don't try to have sex with me. If you try to have sex with me again, I'm going to be upset." I will leave next Saturday up to you. Next Saturday is, or should I say was, the tentative day for our next date. Translation: "Only meet up with me if you're going to follow my gold digger rules. If we meet up again, I will expect you to adhere to my system."
I won't post the email I sent her in response, but I nexted her nicely. I will not see this woman in person ever again unless I know the odds of sex occurring are at least 90%, which is extremely unlikely. A great lesson in the type of language women like this use.
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Ripp 2011-09-17 01:31:34
Great blog. Randomly discovered this through a Google search while researching online dating hit rates. Coincidentally I started making my own private blog and its eerily similar your format. Anyways, one question: Instead of doing a Zan Next with this chic, why wouldn't you just do a freeze out? I always liked doing a freeze out after a chic spent all this energy writing a stupid LJBF email/txt etc, because it drives them super crazy. They get NO RESPONSE and their hamster goes nuts.
Blackdragon 2011-09-17 11:03:42
That's exactly what I normally do. I soft next constantly. WIth this gal I had done this once or twice before. I was out of character already for giving her this third shot. Anyway, three strikes you're out. She now has a very AFC boyfriend who worships the ground she walks on. (Who interestingly looks just like me. :)) She still occasionally Facebooks me and I give her give her one or two-word responses. I meant it when I told her I'm not seeing her again unless she's down to fuck. Because of her age and her personality type, this is not going to happen.
solaris 2012-05-23 02:39:29
I appreciate you present your failures also... I know it happens, but thats the strength, to present the failures, also...
Spike 2012-06-20 08:46:46
i don't see this as a failure, she is a gold digger!! he identifies her fast, he gets rid off her fast, this is a history of success in my opinion.
Jules 2014-06-27 21:13:29
Man, sounds like you have all the rules around what goes. Forget the rules, chicks see through formulas right away, thats why they put up so much of a barrier. They are sooo simple to hop around the side of. But yeah, obvious gold diggers can get fucked. And its not like there aren't heaps of them around...