Your Messages Must Always Have A Call To Action

Call To Action

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Your Messages Must Always Have A Call To Action

I've been critiquing a lot of guys' online dating email conversations lately, and I'm noticing a clear pattern. This is snippet of an actual exchange between guy and girl on a dating site.  See if you can pinpoint the problem.

-By Caleb Jones

HER: I was down there last month and they were great.  Mad Davis is good too.  Sometimes their music gets me emotional lol.

HIM: Yeah, I'm really into the band scene.  I prefer groups like Porous and Ract.  They have a smoother sound especially when you're in the smaller venues.  I used to play bass way back but these days I'm too busy with work.  Keeps me in the audience instead of on the stage. 🙂

See the problem?  It's glaring.  Yeah, he's establishing rapport on a common point between them, and that's fine.  But he's not carrying the conversation forward.  He's not ending with a question to re-direct back to her.  Most importantly, he does not end his email with a call to action.

You as the man in the interaction must take charge of the conversation and constantly direct its flow.  It's important in real-life game but it's double as important when talking to women online, when they're willing and able to quickly and easily terminate the conversation with you whenever they want for any reason.   See how the guy's email completely leaves her hanging?  See how he's depending completely on her to carry the conversation forward?

Guess what?  Women don't need to carry the conversation forward.  Women don't need to put in that kind of work to get laid.  They can get laid whenever they want.  If you're going to actually expect a woman to take that kind of initiative for you like that, she'll pass, and move on to guy like me who makes it easy for her to spread her legs.

Again, with real-life game this is critical, but on the dating sites, it's 10x more important than that, where there's 27 other guys trying to get into her pants the same time you are.

Every email you send to a woman online, even your opener, should end with at least a question, but at best a call to action.

In terms of openers, an example of no question or call to action would be:

"Damn ur hot. lol."

(Yes, guys send openers like that.  All the time.  You should see the incoming messages on a hot chick's Facebook page.)

A better opener would be a question, like:

"You like Anna Karenia...you must be a big reader!  Have you read War and Peace also?"

But an even better opener would be one that has a call to action:

"You seem interesting.  You should email me."

Emails that issue a call to action always have higher odds of generating a response, or maintaining responses you're already getting, which is just as important.

Calls to action are either:

A) Questions that require real thought or action, like "What are your two best qualities that have nothing to do with your appearance?" or "Go to this link...do you consider this guy hot?"

B) Actual calls to action, like "Are you on Facebook?  Send me a friend request.  Just do a search there for ."

Questions like "What bands to you like?" or "Do you like sushi?" are not calls to action, since they require no action and no real thought.  Like I said, questions are fine and are better than nothing, but they do not move the conversation forward like calls to action. When I'm communicating with women online, I make sure that every email I send ends with a call to action.  After two to three email exchanges, that call to action is to schedule a meetup with me.

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This article was originally published on June 17, 2011
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Comments


  • marcel 2014-05-14 22:50:38

    This is so extremely simple i can't believe i didn't do this a day earlier. I actually found this via google. This chick i was talking to on tinder gave up her number DIRECTLY after asking. Now let's see what the future holds:) To author: e-mail me if you want the chat text. You can use it in the post.

  • Jay 2014-12-07 19:03:27

    "See the problem? It’s glaring. Yeah, he’s establishing rapport on a common point between them, and that’s fine. But he’s not carrying the conversation forward. He’s not ending with a question to re-direct back to her. Most importantly, he does not end his email with a call to action." I agree but I disagree, after emailing back and forth for awhile I purposely leave out the call to action. I do this gauge her interest level, if she does not respond I move on. If she does respond then I move to the next level, phone numbers.

  • Blackdragon 2014-12-16 15:02:12

    after emailing back and forth for awhile I purposely leave out the call to action. I do this gauge her interest level, if she does not respond I move on.
    That's fine, but you'll be "moving on" a hell of a lot, and spending much more time communicating with women you'll never meet in real life than I do.

  • dave 2015-04-30 02:35:44

    Used this with a few girls and i did not get a reply ,what am i doing wrong? Hello, how are you today ? you seem interesting you should message so what are your two best qualities that have nothing to do with your appearance

  • Blackdragon 2015-04-30 10:28:14

    Used this with a few girls and i did not get a reply ,what am i doing wrong?
    A "few girls" isn't enough. You need to send to at least 120 girls before you can judge if an online dating technique is working or not.
    Hello, how are you today ?
    Extremely weak and boring. Don't say that.
    you seem interesting you should message
    Incorrect English. Your English, spelling, and grammar must be perfect in an opener (and a profile).
    so what are your two best qualities that have nothing to do with your appearance
    Never start a sentence with the word "So..."

  • [For Men] - 6 Steps To A Kick-Ass Online Dating Profile! | Devon Brown 2017-11-08 11:45:54

    […] are just a couple examples of the countless messages I received that prove that having a proper call to action really does […]

  • 6 Steps To A Kick-Ass Online Dating Profile! | Devon Brown 2017-11-08 12:10:06

    […] are just a couple examples of the countless messages I received that prove that having a proper call to action really does […]

  • Shel 2019-03-31 20:11:14

    This is a good blog. Old post, but I'd like to add a couple of cents in terms of clarity. I'm a middle-aged guy with enough past experience to have been considered an absolute slut  -heh.  When I was a young man, because of my height and looks, locking inside a pretty vagina required little effort and I soon discovered that woman responds with her sisters collectively in the same way to the same things.  I also discovered what she wants with a particular kind of man (what she really wants...  -and what she, governed by her shame-reflex and fear of judgement, would never initiate with the man in her life).  Because of this, I found it interesting and curious that women share the same desires, fantasies and proclivities (to much the same degree actually, depending on the man).  Interest became a fascination with human nature in general and it's been a study for me ever since. In my youth there was no internet/social media, hence no universal dissemination of information and hence, no awareness of any game principles & definitions/terminology that may have existed at that time  ...so I was pretty much alone in the wilderness and left to develop my own  ...I wish there were comprehensive blogs like yours when I was a semi-dumb kid sticking his dick -I mean "toe" -in the water. ~Having said that, I've been tutoring a young Millennial friend of mine in the art of game (jeez, these guys need help  -they're just baffled!), and we just finished a lesson that relates directly to this post.  Here's my point:  you wrote... "Every email you send to a woman online, even your opener, should end with at least a question, but at best a call to action." This is what I said... "When you open and you ask her out on a date, never pose your question as a question; always pose your question as a statement. For example: don't say "Would you like to go out Friday night?"  ...rather, say "Let's do something Friday night". So I wonder if, for the sake of comprehension, the concept might be clearer if, rather than saying that the opener should end with a question, maybe instead say that the opener should end with a question posed as a statement. Wow.  That was a long preamble for a couple of cents!  ...please forgive the length of this for such a small point  ...I just find human nature fascinating.    ciao