Getting The OKCupid “Most Attractive” Email

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Getting The OKCupid “Most Attractive” Email

As I posted about a little while back, I've been using brand new photos with a brand new profile for my current online dating blitz.  I put a lot of thought into the photos and used almost every technique I've learned and tested, within the very limited range of looks I'm capable of and my mediocre physical appearance.

-By Caleb Jones

I've also talked about how I've been working very hard to lose weight this year, and I'm happy to say I'm making real headway.  I lost a big chunk of weight early in the early in the year, kept almost all of it off, even kept it off during my long trip to Asia, and now I've been losing even more.  I now weigh the lowest I've weighed in several years, and for the first time when I look in the mirror, that good-looking Blackdragon from years ago is just starting to look back.

I still have another 20 pounds to go before I start looking decent and another 10 after that before I look as good as I possibly can without radically altering my lifestyle, which is my endgame goal.  I'll nail those pounds sooner or later. Early next year I'll also be addressing my baldness and a few other physical appearance issues, so by the time I hit age 40 next April, I'll look as good as I did when I was 25.

Better even, since I'm under the opinion that usually older men tend to look better, tougher, rougher, and more masculine than young guys.  Just my opinion of course (and yes, I felt that way when I was a young guy...I hated my baby face back then.)  I've even made the decision that once I lose those last 30 pounds I'm going to start doing daygame again, since in daygame good looks can boost your results even more than with online game.  When you're often sarging up chicks who can be 20 years younger than you, you need all the help you can get!

(No, I will never abandon online game, which is and always will be my primary method of bringing new women into my life.  Online game is far more time management friendly than daygame or night game or any other kind of game; that's part of its appeal.)

But I digress...

The weight loss and the new photos have helped my online dating results, as I assumed they would.  I'll post more about my specific results in a few weeks when my online blitzes are all done and I've added a few new women to the open relationships roster.  In the meantime, I just received this email from OKCupid.  It's interesting for several reasons.

Hey Blackdragon,

We just detected that you're now among the most attractive people on OkCupid. We learned this from clicks to your profile and reactions to you in Quickmatch and Quiver. Did you get a new haircut or something?

Well, it's working! To celebrate, we've adjusted your OkCupid experience:

You'll see more attractive people in your match results. This won't affect your match percentages, which are still based purely on your answers and desired match's answers. But we'll recommend more attractive people to you. You'll also appear more often to other attractive people. Sign in to see your newly-shuffled matches. Have fun, and don't let this go to your head.

At first I thought, "This is some bullshit stock email OKCupid eventually sends to everyone."  Then I thought about it and realized that I've been on OKCupid, off and on, for many years now, and I've never received an email like this. Hm.
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Here's why this is interesting:

1. The big joke here is that I'm not hot.  Trust me, I'm not.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not bad looking, but I'm not hot.  I DO know how to present myself very well.  That's a critical skill if you want to get laid.  But on the good-looking man scale, I'm probably a 6 most of the time, a very low 7 on my best days.

If I work really, really hard, if I'm wearing my full business suit, and I got plenty of sleep last night, and the lighting is perfect, and I aim my face so my double chin isn't as visible, and I hold my stomach in, and Mars and Jupiter align correctly, I might be able to pull off an 8 for a few hours...but even that is very generous.  I'm really not that hot.

2. That being said, the photos I am now using are way better than the photos I had.  I've always said that 80% of your success online is the photos you use, and everything that's happened to me and everyone I know simply reinforces that.  I'm not surprised at all that I'm getting better ratings and more incoming emails from chicks on the dating sites.  (Sadly, most of the women opening me are my age, and since I don't online date women over age 30 any more, it's a bittersweet victory).

3. I'm going to now (theoretically) get "better looking people" in my "match results".  What the fuck does that mean? My guess is that OKCupid's stupid "Quickmatch" and "Quiver" features (two features I never use and never will since I prefer to chose whom I fuck, not some web site algorithm, thank you), will provide me with chicks who rank higher on their rating system.  I also assume that women in my searches who are sorted by "Special Blend" (another stupid feature I never use) will render higher-ranked women further towards the top of the list.

4. What's very interesting to me is for the first time, I am testing not answering any of OKCupid's match questions. I've always hated these questions with a passion so this time with the new profile I just didn't answer any of them. Every woman who sees me is going to a 0% percent match, 0% friend, 0% enemy.  My photos and profile will have to stand on it's own merits.

I don't have enough numbers yet to know if this has effected me negatively or not, but I'll let you know.  I tend to doubt it, since I've laid women on OKCupid where my stupid "match percentage" for her was very low, so I don't think those numbers are something most women put a lot of stock into.  Regardless I'm surprised I received an email like this from OKCupid knowing I never bothered to fill out their stupid questions (the vast majority of which are made for the enjoyment of women, not men).

5. If the email is being truthful, this means that I will show up in more women's Quickmatches and Quivers.  Which I suppose is a good thing.  However, again, most women who email me are over the age of 30 so I don't expect anything great to come of it.  (But you never know.)

6. Because the improvement is (likely) in features I never use, I don't plan on this change making any difference in my dating / seduction experience.  As with most features on online dating sites, this feature is geared more towards the ego-stroking of women.

7. Does this mean I was getting uglier people in my initial searches?  If so, that sucks.  One of the issues I have with OKCupid (other than it's slowness and girly interface) is they do a lot of weird shit they don't publish.  For example, they say they have no daily sending limit, but I promise you they's just undocumented.  Bastards. Now they're putting ugly people in searches until you're deemed "hot"?  Lame.

As always, I'm tracking everything carefully and if I suddenly see a clear difference in the hotness of chicks I see in my searches (and subsequently have sex with), you'll be the first to know.  I'm just not holding my breath.

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This article was originally published on November 8, 2011
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  • Dennis 2011-11-08 13:37:34

    I filled out 143 questions and get emails from women who are an 85%+ match. Most are fat and I don't respond. But one thing I like about the questions is that when I send out 20+ openers, and I get returns, the first thing I look at are the "Two Of Us" section and click on the "about sex" section. I quickly scan down to see if she answered the question about how many dates she needed before she would have sex. If the answer is 6 or more I don't bother answering her. Of course I'm sixty, and the women I search for are 45-58 so it's a different set of women and game.

  • Alejandro 2011-11-08 14:13:44

    What do you recommend to get better pics? Outdoor photos? Profesionall studio photos? I can get some nice modell photos for about 50 euro, but they are plan simple portrait photos in a studio, no outdoor or interesting pics. Mind if I ask what kind of pics did you used?

  • BugsBugger 2011-11-08 15:36:55

    The mention about your baldness made me wonder that what are you on the Hamilton-Norwood scale( )? Do you intend to treat it with drugs or FUT(follicular unit transplantation) or some other similar surgery?

  • Blackdragon 2011-11-08 18:58:53

    @Dennis - Most of the women who email me are also women I would never fuck, but there are occasional exceptions. And there are plenty of women age 45 to 49 that are still attractive and that I would happily fuck...if they didn't have all of their damn dating rules. I'm working on a 47 year-old right now, but it's via my social circle, not online, which means my odds are good. @Alejandro - Don't use professional studio photos, but DO use a professional photographer. One of my ex-employees is a photographer, so I lost some weight, then grabbed her one day and had her take various shots of me outdoors with other people while wearing my black leather jacket, and some indoor shots of me in my suit and tie. She took several hundred photos and most of them were terrible. I'm using the best photos from both sets. Four photos total. @BugsBugger - I've seen that chart before and I disagree with it, because I'm none of those. I have a full head of hair. The problem is the entire top of the head is clearly thinning, from my front hairline all the way to the back. I've been clearly thinning for about seven years now. I'm looking at either follicle transplant surgery or a bio-mesh. I personally know men who've had both procedures done, and both procedures look fantastic, so I just need to sift through the pros and cons and pick one. Both procedures are extremely expensive, which really sucks. I was hoping to put it off for another few years, but this year was the first year I looked in the mirror after a shower and said "Wow. This is actually starting to look bad." So it's time. I'll probably make a post about it when I get it done. Sometime next year.

  • Silvertree 2011-11-08 20:37:16

    Interesting. I feel they do not understand women. Men are attracted to women mostly by looks, women are attracted to men for their assertiveness, masculinity, and success more than how good looking you are. However, women's rating of photos may be based upon what they discern your assertiveness, masculinity, and success to be from the intuitive feelings generated by the photos. The thing is, it is much harder to judge that from a photo than it is a woman's youth and beauty. Consider Bill Gates. I bet he'd get low ratings on his pix unless they recognized him. What type of personality do you project in the text? I was a member there a few years ago. I answered about 500 of the matching questions honestly. At the time, I was a 57 year old married Geek who was obsessed with anthropology and about as Libertarian/Atheist as you can get. The average match was a weird 20 something bisexual Wiccan plus a few older very weird babes. Most had major league education and were artists of some sort. With no pix, many of them checked me out. I still don't know if they were onto something I had always missed.

  • Johnny Caustic 2011-11-08 22:22:14

    Two thoughts. One, there's a surgery that removes the fat from your chin. It's one of the lowest-risk cosmetic surgeries--after all, how badly can a doctor mess up the underside of your chin? Two, I've heard quite a few primal guys say that intermittent fasting helped spike their weight loss. I'm curious if you've tried it, and if so, what the results were.

  • Blackdragon 2011-11-10 11:54:11

    Once I get down to my goal weight, if my double chin still bothers me, which I doubt, then I'll address it. Back in my twenties I had a routine where fasted all day every Monday. It worked fantastic and I felt fantastic. I would like to try it again, but these days I am so damn hungry all the time I'm not sure if I could make that work. At the moment, my weight loss is nice and steady. If I run into problems, Monday-fasting will be the next thing I introduce into my regimen.

  • Silvertree 2011-11-10 13:33:58

    "Once I get down to my goal weight, if my double chin still bothers me, which I doubt, then I’ll address it." Beard.

  • Snow 2011-11-10 20:27:27

    Hey BD. Got any issue with shaving your head completely bald? I've tried biccing my head (shaving with a flat blade right to the skin) and it looks great. Especially if you're lean and muscled.

  • Blackdragon 2011-11-11 10:25:32

    Shaving my head - I've already considered that option, believe me. Problem 1: I'm chubby and muscled, not lean and muscled, and I never plan on being lean, just less chubby. I'm always going to be a big guy because I like being a big guy. It conveys power and masculinity. Problem is, bald chubby guys look dumb. Problem 2: I'm extremely white. I'm the whitest white man you've ever seen. Bald guys need to be at least a little tan. If I went bic bald, I'd have to spend a fortune getting a fake tan every week for the rest of my life. No thanks. So shaving my head is out. At least until I get into my then it might look fine.

  • Kevin Velasco 2011-11-17 11:30:26

    Do you think 0% match gets you more profile views? Too many people probably disqualify others just because of a silly compatibility %. "Oh, he *only* matches with me 69% and not 70%, no thanks!"

  • Blackdragon 2011-11-18 10:17:40

    With some women it does. However with other women they're going to see all of those zeros and it will create a negative emotional impression. So my initial guess would be it's a wash. However I am getting more women opening me than ever before, though I attribute that to my better photos and slightly nicer profile text.

  • Le Petite Princess 2014-12-04 15:49:33

    My suggestion is you dont answer any questions on these websites (most aren't mandatory just find the No thanks button which is usually very small and hidden) . The algorithm is so bad that it makes you enemies based on questions that have no impact on a relationship with someone. Many women dont know this and assume you'd make a poor date but it's usually great guys who answer the questions honestly that would make for a better date. If you answer them you're only eliminating more women from your pool of possible dates. In terms of what photos are best (this isn't my opinion but based on research I love reading), women prefer men who take a lot of outdoor photos. Don't have any photos with you drinking and no photos with females (even if it's your sister). Look like you're active. If you want to attract someone for a casual hookup, take pictures of yourself emphasizing your hot chiselled body, if you're after a relationship, show your eyes. If you dont have a hot body, show your eyes and sell your wit, money and other qualities!!!! Women love faces. Despite what you may have been told under a polygraph women admit that they love a mans body first and foremost. We are pretty visual ourselves. Society tells us we shouldn't be because it's vein and shallow and we, as women, should be looking for relationship material. Write something funny and original. Keep it short, don't write too much because women are looking for any reason to deduct you from the overwhelming response she gets. It's the same thing all humans do when there is too much stimuli.

  • SomeHotFattie 2016-04-13 03:16:15

    I'm "fat" and I got this email as well. I would not take it too seriously anyway. Obviously ok cupid wants to flatter people to make them go on using their site. But returning to my original thesis: "hotness" is not related to weight whatsoever. So there must not necessarily be a connex between your weight loss and the mail you received.

  • Skye 2017-07-24 02:58:40

    "However, again, most women who email me are over the age of 30 so I don’t expect anything great to come of it.  (But you never know.)" Weren't you nearly 40 when you wrote this? Why would a 20-something want to look at you? This is the problem with most men in their mid-life crisis - completely unrealistic and ridiculous. Hope you've got over yourself since then and managed to lose that weight!

  • Blackdragon 2017-07-24 10:07:36

    Why would a 20-something want to look at you?
    You'd have to ask all the 20-something women who have sex with me on a regular basis.

  • Me 2017-09-06 04:03:56

    Comment deleted for violation of Rule Number One.

  • Jackson 2017-11-25 09:46:18

    BD, is there any way we can see your ok Cupid or any other dating site profile? Just to check the pictures and profile ? If not then can we do that by buying your book? The online dating ones.