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Accepting Women As They Are
I regularly get emails from guys who tell me things like this: We had a date set for 6:30pm. 6:30pm. I confirmed it with her twice. It was a very simple place to get to. She said she knew exactly where it was. She showed up 35 minutes late! She said she “had trouble finding it” and gave me a bunch of bullshit about “traffic.” WTF? I was so pissed. That’s bullshit!
-By Caleb Jones
Me and my GF/OLTR/MLTR were going to Chicago to visit some mutual friends. When she was packing I told her TWO TIMES to make sure she didn’t pack any big bottles full of liquids in her bag, because then security would pull us out of the line and make us wait, and she would freak out. We get to the airport, go through security, and sure enough, she has this big bottle of Vitamin Water in her bag. When they tell her to open her bag, she gets pissed at them and causes a scene. Fuck! I’m serious BD, I told her TWO TIMES not to do that, and I know she heard me.
I was SO FUCKING PISSED! We almost missed our flight! After it all I asked her why she had that Vitamin Water in her bag after I told her TWO TIMES not to pack big liquid bottles. She said “she forgot.” That’s bullshit!
I could give you many more examples but I think you get the point.
I never have any of these problems.
Yes. I said never. I never have any of these anger-inducing moments caused by women in my life.
It’s not because the women in my life never make these stupid girl mistakes that all women make. It’s because many years ago I accepted women as wonderful, amazing, irrational, chaotic, flawed creatures.
Most men go through life acting like, and subconsciously assuming, that women are man-like robots who always listen to you, never forget anything, never behave irrationally, and never change their minds. These men are regularly pissed off at the woman (or women) in their life whenever these women don’t act according to this masculine standard. Which, of course, is all the time. This includes men with women who are very smart, and/or have high IQs, and/or have college degrees, and/or are over the age of 30 or 40.
“She’s really smart, so she won’t act like that.” How many times have I heard men say that? (A lot.) And how many times have they been eventually proven wrong? (About 100%.)
Being sometimes happy and sometimes frustrated is the path of the Alpha Male 1.0. Since my objective in life is to be consistently happy at all times (as much as is realistically possible of course), my entire attitude regarding women is completely different from most men.
This attitude works. I am near-consistently happy with women, pretty much year-round. And that’s saying a lot, since I’m always dating several women at a time. What if I told you that you could be consistently happy with women too? And still spend all the time with women you want? It’s very simple. All you do is this:
1. Are often disorganized and forgetful.
2. Are often irrational and don’t make sense.
3. Often choose to be sad, unhappy, or upset instead of actually taking action to improve their conditions.
4. Often forget very important details that later screw up their lives (and your life if you’re not careful).
5. Sometimes lose their cool, get hysterical, or cry at extremely inappropriate times and places, even when they logically know they shouldn’t.
6. Often don’t fully process guy-logic statements, when they are clearly stated and they logically understand them.
7. Are biologically hard-wired to change their minds about things, including and especially regarding major life decisions and desires. I discuss this in detail in my book. They will often do this completely without warning or any reason that makes sense to you.
When I spend time with a woman, even if she’s very smart, very successful, very educated, or older, I remember all the above. I do more than remember; I assume some or all of the above will happen with her. Whenever I have to logistically plan something with a woman, be it a simple date or a week-long trip, I work into my plans the overwhelming likelihood that some of the above seven items will occur.
If any of the above happens, I nod knowingly, and it doesn’t surprise me, confuse me or frustrate me. She’s a girl acting like a girl. I expected this. I anticipate it, ignore it, and move on.
If she really causes me trouble, like she gets hysterical or something, no problem. I snap my fingers, she gets instantly soft nexted, and I go have sex with someone else. Problem solved. She has every right to be bitchy or angry, but I have every right to boot her out of my life when she’s acting like this.
Men who suffer personal unhappiness from women’s drama are either betas, who never soft next, or Alpha 1.0s, who consider soft nexting a “last resort,” meaning they have all kinds of drama with their gal and then they next, which is not only the wrong way to soft next, but way too late.
If I’m with a woman for an extended period and none of the above seven problems occur, I consider that a lucky win but don’t plan on my luck holding out forever. She had a good day, or a good week, or a good month, but she’s still a girl. Her irrational crap is still coming; just not today.
That’s the difference between you and me. I expect women to act like women. You expect women to act like men. If you want to expect women to act like men, that’s your choice, but you’ll never, ever be as consistently happy with women as I am. It won’t be possible for you.
Why Did She Do That???
Another variation of this is the common question I get: “Why do women do that?”
For example, “She asked me what she wanted, I gave it to her, and then she complained. WHY DID SHE DO THAT?”
Here’s why she did that: She’s irrational. Irrational means there is no reason. When women pull their irrational shit on men, men often want to know WHY. The problem is, there is no why. That’s what irrational means. When she behaves retarded or like a 5 year-old, you want some detailed, clear, rational explanation why. Sometimes there is a reason that can be articulated this way depending on the scenario, but the vast majority of the time there is no logical reason, other than “she’s irrational,” which she is. Being irrational is part of being a girl, just like being horny is part of being a guy. It's just the way it is, and it will never change.
If you expect women in advance to behave irrationally and be disorganized, and don’t worry about “why,” you’re going to be a happy guy. I can tell you this from experience. Just plan on women behaving like...women. This works both ways too. I tell women all the time that they should expect, in advance, that their husband or boyfriend will cheat on them. Because he will. That’s what men do. Even many beta males will cheat, eventually.
Just like men who are constantly pissed that women act irrationally, women are constantly pissed because men cheat. Just like those men, these women aren’t accepting men to act like...men. What a happier world it would be if we just accepted each other for both the positives and negatives of our respective genders. Oh well.
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Minister 2016-01-07 05:31:46
Very useful post! I wish it had been up a lot of months ago. Were you actually NEVER pissed about these women behaviors, even when you were a beta?
BlindIo 2016-01-07 06:05:50
Women don't need men to survive today. Could this have something to do with it? Do they see us, in some primal corner of their brain, as the weak beta chumps who stayed behind in camp and helped take care of the kids while the Real Men™ were out gathering food and warding off enemy tribes? Would things be any different in a society where they required our help merely to survive?
Troubadour 2016-01-07 06:22:37
I figured out a long time ago that women are just like that. They can't plan anything beyond the next moment, they're distracted incredibly easily, they're manipulated incredibly easily (a marketer's dream), they're prone to completely random mood swings, and they randomly take spells where everything you do pisses them off. What's fucked up is I figured this out 20 years ago, but I didn't start doing anything about it until I turned 40. So far, it doesn't look like I'm getting divorced anytime soon. I finally just accepted that I have to wear the pants and treat the girl like the child she is, even though she's like 47 now. It was rough at first, because she was used to wearing the big girl panties and acting like the boss, but we got through all that. I remind her every few days that the next time she fucks me is the last time she fucks me, and there was total submission in her eyes. Excellent. I TRULY don't care anymore. I didn't stay for the family values and I didn't stay for the kids. I stayed for the money, and I FINALLY put that check in my bank. I am debt free now, and I no longer have to leave this marriage with a giant payment hanging over my head to remind me of all the times I should have put the pants on much sooner in the marriage. I can stay, or I can go, but I'm lazy, and there is a lot to be said for not doing housework and not having to hunt for pussy.
Anthony 2016-01-07 08:29:52
#3: Conversation between me and a co-worker of my ex that I tutor in English: Girl: I really don't like my job. I am worried about my future. Me: Have you looked into getting a new job? Girl: No, I don't have much time. (but she had time to go to The Philippines with my ex for Christmas) Me: I know the(South Korean) job market is tight these days, but you should start looking. Girl: Yeah, but these days I'm very tired to look for new job. Me: Have you considered going back to school for your master's? Girl: Go back to school? Oh no, I can't do that anymore. Me: Why not? I'm in school right now. It's just papers, exams, and presentations plus a thesis. Girl: You are a guy. You are good at studying. (I couldn't stop laughing when she said that) Me: I have female classmates as well. You just have to push yourself. Girl: Yeah....I just don't know. Rather than look for a new job (which takes effort) or further her education (more effort), its best to just complain about her situation.
everybodyhatesscott 2016-01-07 09:23:15
<blockquote>Women don’t need men to survive today</blockquote> Yes they do. They just don't think they do. If you ever watched 'it always sunny in philadelphia' there's a episode where charlie, a loser who has a crush on a character called 'waitress', stop fixing all the shit waitress screws up and her life becomes difficult and she can't figure out why. That's what would happen if men stopped fixing all of womens screw ups. They'd have no idea why life is difficult but their plumbing, electricity, and car wouldn't work. Modern society is magic to them.
Blackdragon 2016-01-07 09:54:40
Were you actually NEVER pissed about these women behaviors, even when you were a beta?Oh yes, a decade or two ago when I was a young beta these behaviors constantly pissed me off just like they do everyone else. Thank god I learned.
CSR 2016-01-07 12:03:14
Sometimes there is a reason that can be articulated this way depending on the scenario, but the vast majority of the time there is no logical reason, other than “she’s irrational,” which she is.I think the vast majority of times they act like this on purpose just to create drama and/or shit test the guy. Yes they are irrational. Yes way more than men. They are not children but they are well aware they can act like children whenever they want thanks to the preferential treatment almost all men offer them.
Gluteus_Maximus 2016-01-07 12:07:34
@Anthony Men do shit like that too. ALL THE TIME. Lmao @CSR I honestly think they just don't know. Maybe later when they reflect, if they do at all. It really is like training a dog. A dog doesn't know what or what not to do until you train it. It's dumb to get mad at it. It doesn't know what it just did was bad unless you do it immediately. The soft next. But yes the preferential treatment, when they do unwanted shit just trains them to maintain bad habits. Again, just like a dog.
Blackdragon 2016-01-07 12:16:41
I think the vast majority of times they act like this on purpose just to create drama and/or shit test the guy.I agree completely, though it's not the "vast majority" of the time. It's "sometimes." I think more often than not it's this:
I honestly think they just don’t know.Correct, which is another way of saying they're irrational. Women (like most men) are not very self-aware, even if they think they are, and have no idea why they do many of the things they do.
Carmichael Red 2016-01-07 13:10:23
I remember a BD post about women like being uncomfortable. Well, if you spend enough time in their world, guess what you're going to be feeling. Oneitis destroys all independence and future prospects/goals for freedom. Even when you're not around them, the last argument, her last screw-up is still ringing in your ear. Men murder their wives due to lack of self-control that was not exercised in the beginning of the relationship. The soft-next, is an abundance tool. Guys come into the dating game with a scarcity mentality. Countless youtube videos and media posts on "if you do this, girls will like you." and so on... What girls like is tolerant men who will put up with their bullshit for the time being and then next you, go travel and find some one new and fuck a real man on the side. Like customers in business, women should not make up more than 15%** of your life. Irrationality is fun, the crazy chicks seem to be the great ones in bed. But obviously in small doses. So keep ONE risky high growth/crazy girl in your portfolio. Great investors are focus investors. They filter out 10 stocks in their 'folio after tirelessly researching tens of millions of stocks. With the flood of women at your disposal you need to have standards for women to enter your world. Not the other way around. Like men, women have flaws and are not self-aware and as sick as it is, it's not our fault. Self-Awareness is the last step in Maslow's Pyramid for a reason. It's fucking hard. Like BD says, 20 second rule for irrationality then back to the game. ** You know what I mean...
MaxiB 2016-01-07 14:35:56
Great post BD! I see number three all the time: "Often choose to be sad, unhappy, or upset instead of actually taking action to improve their conditions." Sometimes I ask what they're going to do about said problem (for my own amusement), more often I'll ignore it. Only slightly off-topic, I read this story today: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2611127/The-five-date-rule-Single-girls-wait-fifth-rendez-vous-having-sex-new-partner.html Apparently women are saying they want five dates, flowers, gifts and all sorts of crap before sex. It's a great example of why you should watch what women do and not worry about that they say.
Eur Eye 2016-01-07 14:49:44
You are right. And still your attitude somehow reminds me of the king whom Little Prince met on his journeys and who only gave orders which he knew would be obeyed.
PaulMurrayCbr 2016-01-07 16:59:22
"Why did she do that?" means "What can I do to keep her from doing that?", which means "What did I do wrong?", which means "OMG, it's my fault she did that!" You gotta stop blaming yourself for what other people choose to do. "I figured out a long time ago that women are just like that. They can’t plan anything beyond the next moment" This is simply not true. When a woman is engaged in infidelity, she is a master at logistics. They *can* plan, they just feel that when it comes to you, they needn't bother. "I am debt free now, and I no longer have to leave this marriage with a giant payment hanging over my head to remind me of all the times I should have put the pants on much sooner in the marriage." Don't tell her that. She will address the problem by getting a credit card and maxing it out on something unreturnable.
Blackdragon 2016-01-07 17:01:19
I see number three all the time: “Often choose to be sad, unhappy, or upset instead of actually taking action to improve their conditions.” Sometimes I ask what they’re going to do about said problem (for my own amusement), more often I’ll ignore it.Yup. I see it all the time too. It's a female norm. Fixing the problem would eliminate the drama, but if you're a girl and kinda like the drama, well, then...
Apparently women are saying they want five dates, flowers, gifts and all sorts of crap before sex. It’s a great example of why you should watch what women do and not worry about that they say.It is. It's all complete bullshit. Very few Western women under the age of 33 are actually going to wait for 5 dinner dates before they fuck an Alpha. (Beta is another story of course.)
You are right. And still your attitude somehow reminds me of the king whom Little Prince met on his journeys and who only gave orders which he knew would be obeyed.Yep, though even better, I don't give orders. I state preferences. Then I just sit back and watch what she does. If she goes along with them, great. If she goes against them, next. Very simple. And zero drama.
BlindIo 2016-01-07 17:40:06
"Yes they do. They just don’t think they do." Perception is reality. Especially to women.
Oh Yes 2016-01-07 17:40:37
""" Me and my GF/OLTR/MLTR were going to Chicago to visit some mutual friends. When she was packing I told her TWO TIMES to make sure she didn’t pack any big bottles full of liquids in her bag, because then security would pull us out of the line and make us wait, and she would freak out. We get to the airport, go through security, and sure enough, she has this big bottle of Vitamin Water in her bag. When they tell her to open her bag, she gets pissed at them and causes a scene. Fuck! I’m serious BD, I told her TWO TIMES not to do that, and I know she heard me. I was SO FUCKING PISSED! We almost missed our flight! After it all I asked her why she had that Vitamin Water in her bag after I told her TWO TIMES not to pack big liquid bottles. She said “she forgot.” That’s bullshit!"""" OK, I'm a sperg @BD. Help me out. What would you have in the airport line? Laughed at her? You can't next her. You're going on a flight with her.
Blackdragon 2016-01-07 17:49:27
What would you have in the airport line? Laughed at her? You can’t next her. You’re going on a flight with her.1. Knowing she's a woman, I would go to the airport an additional 30 minutes earlier than I normally do, so any delays caused by her won't ruin my travel plans. 2. If she threw a shit fit at the security, I would just stay far away from her while she did it, and do business on my phone until she was done. If she kept talking about it afterwards, I would simply shrug and say, "It was your fault. I'm not talking about this" and change the subject. Then I would NEVER travel with her ever again. 3. If she actually thew a shit fit at me, I would make the best of it within the logistics, then I would HARD NEXT her ass when we got back home. Then, most importantly, I would sit down and analyze exactly what I did wrong to be stupid enough to actually book a flight with such a woman. (Number 3 has never happened to me and never will, because I don't travel with drama queens in the first place.)
Oh Yes 2016-01-07 18:01:05
Thanks BD. That helps.
Minister 2016-01-08 03:40:32
It is quite funny, because 'accept me as I am' is the exact line that ALL MLTRs used to give me when I expressed my opinion that they have to go on a diet and exercise to lose some pounds. They would come up with all the bullshit excuses, such as lack of time and money, and when they were pushed a little more, the canned answer was leaving their mouth. Unfortunately you can't hope that you can change a woman, even for the better. They interpret it as that you don't like them, instead of having the best intentions to improve them. The safest bet, when she has a flaw you can't put up with, is next or not take her into your life in the first place.
POB 2016-01-08 06:48:27
BD, great post as always! It's just funny because yesterday I had a perfect example of what you said about girls being irrational. I've been seeing my main MLTR for over a year now. She already knows I fuck other women, but by unknown reasons we did not follow each other on Instagram (we are Facebook friends since the beginning). Well, I thought "I'll add her there". Why not? Then I post a video holding my 1 yo nephew (like 30-40% of my posts include him these days). One of my low-end FBs makes some innocent remark (something like: "What a cute baby" or whatever). Bang, MLTR drama out of nowhere. Yes, I know it's my fault (social network is a slippery slope and I'm a dumbass for adding her without any reason), but on facebook she already sees: 1) a bunch of photos of me partying with my friends 2) a bunch of photos with my nephew full of cute comments of other girls I fuck(ed) (they're all pretty) and 3) a bunch of travel photos, some on the beach, with beauties in bikinis all over the place Well, soft-nexted her ass and made a mental note to keep it low on Instagram for a while. But the funniest part is as I open my phone this morning she's already liked 15 of my recent pictures out of nowhere, LOL. Go figure.
Lovergirl 2016-01-08 09:26:55
BD- good post and I agree that men need to just chill out over this stuff. I'm laughing because awhile back my (male) boss was like wtf when I had just been at our (fairly new) office for something, left, and then got lost before coming back for a meeting. He was like, how could you get lost when you were just here an hour ago?? I'd been there several times before, but I always used my gps and I was trying to do it without that. Fortunately he just rolled his eyes and went on with the meeting, lol. The reason women seem more forgetful, lose their way, etc is most likely because we are thinking of 10,000 things at once. Men tend to be focused on one thing at a time. Multitasking can be good in a lot of ways but it has its downfalls. We aren't being purposefully annoying. Men have their share of annoying habits as well.
Lovergirl 2016-01-08 09:49:31
@ Minister- Criticizing and lecturing women about their weight makes them feel BAD and will actually have the OPPOSITE effect of what you want. The best way to get a woman to do what you want is to make her feel GOOD. I know it seems counter-intuitive, but its very true. I've read some of The Way of the Superior Man, because a guy I was seeing had it and that was one of the things I was like YES, this guy is spot on about. Women are motivated by praise, not criticism. If you criticize her you will turn her OFF to you sexually as well. There is a guy I was sleeping with until October. The reason I haven't slept with him since then is because he asked me, while we were still naked in bed after sex, how my working out was going. I'd never, at that point, made any claim to be working out and he was obviously trying to push me in that direction. It was like wow, that made me feel super self conscious and uncomfortable with the idea of being naked with him again. When he texted me asking me to come over after that I would just keep turning him down. Finally he asked why and I told him that I didn't feel good about that comment he made. He said he was just trying to "motivate" me. Yeah, well, he motivated me to sleep with other men instead, men who act like they love my body and don't criticize it. He spent several weeks begging me to come over and trying to apologize, but I'm too turned off. I won't take my clothes off in front of anyone who might be negative. Now the guy I was seeing last year, always made me feel really good about being naked with him. He called me "tiny" and "petite" and would tell me (jokingly) that if I lost 15 lbs he would leave me (because I thought I needed to lose 15 lbs). You know what? I lost those pounds when I was with him. Not because he was mean and critical but because I knew in myself what I needed to do to look my best and he made me feel GOOD. No, he didn't leave me when I lost weight either, lol. The more you make a woman FEEL beautiful, the more beautiful she will want to become for you.
Minister 2016-01-08 10:28:30
@Lovergirl, thank you for sharing your personal story with us. I don't intend to come off as criticizing, of course, even though this is the outcome. I don't get it how the last guy's 'countermotive' actually motivated you. Yeah, he made you feel good about your body, but this is a reason to stay the same as you are and not change, right? Even in a joking context, he told you NOT to lose any lbs. Reverse psychology perhaps?
Lovergirl 2016-01-08 20:44:14
Hey Minister- See, its about how I FELT, not something logical. 😉 It's like I felt so good with all the compliments and the way he was obviously attracted to me that I wanted to prove to him that I could look even better. Don't believe for a minute there is a woman out there that could lose a few pounds that doesn't already know it. You telling her something she already knows is just like calling her a failure and making her feel hopeless. Depressed, hopeless women are the ones that get really fat because they've given up on making guys happy with their looks. Every woman wants the guy she likes to think she's beautiful. If you reaffirm that you believe that it will make her feel good and want to please you even more. He joked about me losing weight but I knew that it wouldn't make him LESS attracted to me, like he was joking about. I know I look better when I'm at a certain weight and it made me want to show him, like hey you think this looks good, wait till you see THIS! 🙂 Of course it didn't hurt that he was all over me every time he saw me, complimenting me, wanting to have sex, pawing me in public, lol. I just ate it up.
Oh Yes 2016-01-08 20:54:41
Good story Lovergirl. My strategy is a lot like you laid out. I always tell my wife she is hot. And she is. But still could lose a few every so often. What I do is I talk about how OTHER women we see out in public would be really hot if they'd just lose a few pounds. It works. Wife ends up getting back on the program and taking it off. I don't criticize her directly. I just talk about other examples of what I like to see.
Greg 2016-01-09 09:46:15
"many years ago I accepted women as wonderful, amazing, irrational, chaotic, flawed creatures." How do you manage to find them wonderful and amazing while at the same time knowing and accepting these flaws? The way guys fall in love I think is by imagining they've found one that is not like that. When you know she is, what do you latch on to like her so much? Is it the sex? You don't seem like a guy that likes chaos, or would appreciate chaotic people. What would you think of a guy that behaved womanly? "Here’s why she did that: She’s irrational. Irrational means there is no reason. When women pull their irrational shit on men, men often want to know WHY. The problem is, there is no why. That’s what irrational means." I disagree, I think the why is hidden, but it's there. Though your point of view is easier to work with, especially in the moment when you are emotionally seeking a reason. The "likes variety more than happiness" trait seems to explain a lot of their apparently crappy decisions.
Straight Rider 2016-01-11 07:03:32
@Lovergirl There are women that will take a compliment like the one from the second guy to mean the guy likes them like that and they will believe they had better not loose any weight to keep the guy attracted. I believe men are usually more direct in their communication. It could just be the second guy really liked you as you were and didn't want you to loose weight. October guy is actually a nice guy, other guys would have been a lot more direct and yes whilst you were naked. Not all guys GAF like October guy. We are just trying to do you a favor and let you know that it would be nice for all involved if you could drop some pounds in order to keep this thing going smoothly. Some guys would even say it secretly hoping you would get pissed and either do something about it or not come back like you did. October guy is really nice though, begging you and apologizing, wow. Just saying....
donnie demarco 2016-01-11 16:33:10
I disagree, I think the why is hidden, but it’s there.It's still irrelevant. Even a moderately self-aware woman will admit that she is irrational about relationships 90% of the time. It's not worth the brain cells for such a poor ROI. And even in the rare cases where you CAN deduce the "why", the answer is almost always so banal that it's still not worth it. The only "whys" you really need to know are items #1-7 in the above list.
Lovergirl 2016-01-11 19:28:40
@Straight Rider- no one is telling you to tell a girl that you will leave her if she doesn't lose weight. What I am saying is that it is very, very important for a man to express attraction and desire and when you express criticism of her body it is a huge turnoff. For many women it may be to the point where she will not want to get naked with you or have sex because she fears how you view her. THAT is the effect you are getting with negativity towards her body, not the desired "motivation" to lose weight. I don't know if men are motivated by criticism of their bodies or not. I know that women aren't though, no matter how logical it may seem to you. To us it just comes across as "he doesn't like me" and for women that is a gigantic turnoff. It does NOT motivate anyone to lose weight. It just motivates us to find or fantasize about finding a guy who will treat us better. I don't care how "nicely" October guy sugarcoated his insult. He still made me feel bad and it still made me avoid sex with him. I have absolutely no desire to fuck him at this point.
hey hey 2016-01-12 02:48:31
Usually a guy who treats you better is a beta. You want betas? I can see the girly fucked up logic in your messages. If you get fat an alpha 2.0 will next you until you get your body to a desired point if that ever happens. This guy in order to be sleeping with you means she wants you and she desires you as you are. She gave you the heads up albeit in a wrong way in order to stop neglecting yourself. As a woman you got the wrong message left him and got on with the next guy who "treats" you better. The thing is the guy made a mistake which in this universe is so small that it makes it childish excuse on your part to leave him. It also means you are shallow. If you accept yourself as shallow then thats ok because you are what you are and this is a good excuse. But dont try to show yourself as caring and then blaming the guy for the result. The result was your fault(you left for a stupid reason, if he repeated such behaviour then it makes it good reason). The "taking you too seriously" was his fault thus the subsequent begging.
Lovergirl 2016-01-12 08:50:17
There is nothing "beta" about treating someone well. A real alpha treats everyone well. My nexting this guy is no less "childish" than these supposed "alpha 2.0's" nexting women for things they aren't happy with. If a guy doesn't make me happy, I'm out the door. I'm not in a committed relationship and there is no reason to stay. The other men in my life are much more alpha than him. They have never said anything negative about my body either. Coincidence? Probably not. They just know women better. By the way, I've lost about 6 pounds in the last couple of weeks, and am about the same size I was when I met the October guy. It didn't have anything to do with him, just what I personally feel comfortable with. I'm around a lot of temptation at my new job because we work at places where there is a lot of unhealthy (but tasty!) food. My clothes were starting to feel tight though and I knew it was time to buckle down. I'm assuming you date ADULT women. Adults don't need someone monitoring their every move and telling them when to work out. Presumably they can think for themselves and you are no better than a nagging wife when you bitch about her weight! It doesn't come across well. If you aren't attracted to her, move on, don't insult and make negative comments because that will just make her feel resentful and angry towards YOU.
hey hey 2016-01-12 11:06:44
An Alpha 2.0 will not next you for such petty things. He will not even next you if you disrespect him in some instances. Most of this guys will next you if a) your physique and your outer looks(consistently) became unacceptable compared to when he met you, b) throwing drama at him(not disrespect but DRAMA), meaning you start yelling at him or being angry at him for whatever reason instead of talking about it rationally like an adult, c) most serious offends like yelling like crazy in public or throwing names around in public, doing something to harm him or his possessions etc. That's about it: Now please tell me how these things are not serious and are childish. Your physique? Sorry if I wanted a fat one I would have gotten a fat one not you(notice I'm not saying getting some fat I'm saying neglecting your physique entirely). Your yelling? Sorry this is you who is childish. You can discuss anything in a calm tone even if I'm in the fault. If I find your complain rational then yes I would stop doing it. But if you keep yelling for half an hour this is you being childish and out of the door. I don't need to mention the serious offends. You left him just because he said "how is the gym going?" or whatever. I mean if you get offended so easily you are either shallow or you have low esteem. You could have told him are you serious? And leave it or change conversation. But no you are a woman you act on your emotions... My point is, don't throw the blame of the result on the guy. You are the one who left him with a stupid excuse. Probably if you were a 2.0 you would have been nexting girls every other day, with such excuses.
hey hey 2016-01-12 11:15:27
Also here is your logic: I prefer to cut ties for life with a person whom I was going out with (weeks, months, years, whatever) and had a great time with, just because he told me one time I was gaining weight. Now read and repeat this sentence and tell me how awful this sounds by the mainstream standards..
Greg 2016-01-12 13:09:53
It’s still irrelevant. Even a moderately self-aware woman will admit that she is irrational about relationships 90% of the time. It’s not worth the brain cells for such a poor ROI. And even in the rare cases where you CAN deduce the “why”, the answer is almost always so banal that it’s still not worth it.When you have good theories to work with, you have good guidelines on what to do to reach your desired outcome. For instance the old Juggler one "don't change her mind, change her state".
donnie demarco 2016-01-13 18:26:37
@Greg I'm not arguing against good theories. I'm arguing against the guys who take things like "don't change her mind, change her state", and then waste all their time trying to deconstruct the precise biological/psychological reasons for this behavior.
TKORAR 2016-01-15 19:35:56
Wow. And I've been worried my wife has been slowly decending into madness all these years. Sounds like they all get a case of the cRaZiEs once in a while then. Well, I guess she still could be going nuts, but at least I finally grasp the fact some of it is just her being a woman in general & that shes' not ready for the psyche ward just yet. I read this yeasterday & when she went bonkers over something dumb about not wanting to cook dinner tonight, I just sat back, laughed, & said out loud "Ha! This is exactly what they were talking about- now I get it." Then I politely proceeded to explain every irrational thing she just said & pointed out that nothing that came out of her mouth made any sense, got up, & went & read the paper. 10 minutes later she came out of the kitchen with a sandwhich & an iced tea for us & after we ate, she got up & made us frosted cinnamon buns. I love it...
it-Began-In-Africa 2016-01-26 12:11:48
I am on the side of Lovergirl on the points made towards the end of conversation. one of the profound lessons I learnt growing up in the ghetto all those years ago, is NEVER ever tell on pussy. Especially among your mates. No matter how good at a time you had with a girl, keep it to yourself. Only mention it to another man when the girl will never pick on it. Men who have had great success with women over time never go out of their way to put the woman down, especially in the looks and sex department. They simply do a vanishing act if the girl is too loose, or fat or whatever. It is a very boyish to knock a girl down on the area where she is most sensitive, her looks and appearance. By all means make fun of a woman's logic, her bitchiness and her pathetic driving skills etc, but never ever attack that area. And stop justifying why it is important to tell a woman to lose weight. That bullshit is for amateur PUA's not men who want to live happy lives.
stan 2017-02-15 12:39:15
Many years ago I was living with a woman who was also a lawyer. She had a brilliant academic record at multiple top universities. I was used to a lot of girls being dingy. And knew that she was certainly capable of emotional female drama. But she was different because she was smart as hell. [uh, huh] I also knew that all of us can get emotional (I can lose my temper) and do stupid stuff when we do. We're human. But I always thought that the recognized GOAL of all intelligent people was to TRY to be rational. I mean, rational is good, right? Smart people should want to use their brains whenever they can. Of course ... Driving home one evening she started bitching about how some partner had dissed her. I explained to her that she was misreading what he did and laid out a number of logical reasons to support why. She didn't care. She wanted to be insulted. As we got into our home I finally just said, "honey, you aren't looking at this rationally." She stomped her feet and declared, "I've had to be rational all day at work! I'm home now. I don't have to be rational any more!" Whoa. Sure shut me up. If for a woman rationality is openly and consciously rejected as the goal ... just hang on for the ride 'til you can get off. (meant both ways 😉 )
Kaw Djer 2018-08-26 10:17:58
“She’s really smart, so she won’t act like that.” She will. You can act accordingly, but, like with many other principles brillantly displayed on this blog, it is easier to ignore and "hope for the best". We have a tendency to think that we will be the exception to the statistics. "The problem is, there is no why. That’s what irrational means" The uselessness of asking "Why?". Mea culpa. I used your exact 7 points list here, crediting you. Men need to accept this so they can function. Thank you BD for the insight.