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The 12 Steps To Safely Have Kids With A Woman
-By Caleb Jones
I realize I have many readers here who never want kids. That’s fine. You guys can take the day off today. This article is for the other 90-95% of men who want kids “someday.”
Before getting into the steps, I’m going to have to repeat a few key points about having kids that I have written about before, but that many of you have probably forgotten.
Point 1: Having and raising kids will make you less happy, no matter how you structure it. As I have demonstrated with studies and surveys many times (including here and here), having children actually reduces overall happiness, at least a little, for about 20 years until the little bastards move out. This will happen regardless of how good of a father you are, the structure you use regarding how you father and raise your children, or whether or not you’re living with their mother. Raising kids is extremely stressful and expensive, even if your kids are the most well-behaved children on planet Earth.
Just remember that if you choose to have kids, you are choosing to be less happy for about 20 years. This is the price you pay for being a father, and it’s a big one. Don’t delude yourself into thinking that you’ll be happier on the overall with kids. You won’t be.
That doesn’t mean I’m advising to never have kids. I have two myself and I love them to death. If you’ve really evaluated whether or not to have kids and you still really want them, then have them, but don’t bullshit yourself with a bunch of guy-Disney about how happy it will make you.
Point 2: Read my book about the best way to raise a child under today’s difficult, modern realities. Raising your kids like it’s the 1950s is not going to work and will just screw up your children. The least-bad way to raise kids in the modern era is the specific method I lay out under the Alpha Male 2.0 father parenting model. I have two chapters in that book specifically devoted to raising kids.
I’ve been an Alpha Male 2.0 for almost ten years now, and my two kids have turned out great.
Point 3: You should wait until you’ve accomplished your big goals in life before you have any children. For most men, that means their 40s. I screwed this one up. Learn from my mistake. A lot of you guys get really upset when I say this, but I’m right: you should accomplish most or all of your big goals and Mission before you slam the breaks on all that by having children, as I demonstrated in detail here. If you think this raises the odds of birth defects, please refer to Chapter 23 in my book where I examine that in detail with actual scientific stats, or refer to the 2% Rule if you don't have my book yet. (It's only 9 bucks, just get it.)
I love my kids, but I had them when I was 25 and it was a huge mistake that severely damaged my momentum in life. If I had to do it all over again, I would have waited until age 40 or 45 at the earliest.
Point 4: Always plan on the reality that you will eventually break up with or divorce the mother of your children, and likely do so before your children are 18. Expecting to be with one woman for 20+ years just because you had a baby with her is the height of stupidity, delusion, right-wing Societal Programming, and guy-Disney. That isn’t how men and women work anymore. We live in a society with 60-70% divorce rates, and having children is very hard on a relationship. Make sure you put all the usual OLTR / Alpha 2.0 safeguards in place in your relationship with your baby momma, because you’re not going to be with her forever, regardless of her or your current emotions today.
Alright, with that out of the way, here are the 11 steps to properly having a baby with a woman. You start this process before you get anyone pregnant.
1. Do a budget. Write up a budget of all your monthly income and expenses if you don’t have one already.
2. Track expenses. For 90 days, track all of your expenses and income to the dollar, then modify your budget accordingly. You must do this because the first time you make a budget it will never be accurate. Always make important decisions based on measurements from the real world, not guesses.
3. Assess childcare costs. With your new, accurate budget, ask yourself this question: do I have an extra $300-$500 per month that I can spend on a new expense without any major problems?
If the answer is no, you are not ready to have children. If you have children anyway, your finances will be pushed to the limit, you’ll go into debt, have massive financial problems, and when your GF/wife/OLTR dumps your ass, she’ll go on government assistance to pay for that damn kid, which means I have to pay for it, which means you’re a loser, you’re officially contributing to the downfall of Western civilization, and now I hate you.
So let’s avoid all that unpleasantness. If you can’t find an easy $300-$500 per month of extra cash, you need to either increase your income or drop your expenses before you crank out any babies.
You might say, “But BD, she has income too!” I don’t care. That income may not be around once that baby arrives. Very few women are going to want to keep working 40 hours a week when there’s a new baby at home, particularly if that woman has a nice, stable, financially supportive guy like you around.
When it comes to bearing the financial cost of a baby, a woman might be able to help, but it won’t be on her. It’s going to be her baby daddy, her parents, or the government (most likely the government). The stats clearly show this. How many mothers (single or otherwise) do you know who 100% financially support their own children every month with ZERO help from parents, government, or the father? There you go.
By the way, I did this myself back when I was in my early 20s. I did a budget, made sure it was accurate, and made sure I could afford to have kids before I actually got anyone pregnant. It isn’t that difficult. If more men did this simple step, it would be a much better world.
4. Research child custody laws in your state / province. Via the internet or talking to a family attorney (or both), you need to clearly understand how child support and child custody work within the city you live. How is child support determined? How is visitation and custody determined if/when the parents part company? How is custody contested? You need to know the answers to these questions before you get anyone pregnant.
And remember, every state / province / country is very different, so never take advice on these things from anyone who doesn’t live very close to you.
5. Write up an enforceable parenting plan. If applicable in your area (and it usually is), using the forms from your local government, write up a parenting plan that lays out issues such as custody and visitation. Sign it with your lady in front of a notary, get it notarized, and then file it down at your local courthouse.
You might live in an area where parenting plans are not available, or are available but not enforceable. If you live in one of these areas and the area has some very oppressive, anti-man child support laws, you should seriously consider moving to a different state / province / country before you father any children. I’m very serious about this. Having and raising children in an area where fathers have very little rights is just asking for trouble. Too many men make this mistake. Don’t be one of them.
6. Make a baby. This is the fun part. Once your parenting plan is signed and filed, grab your OLTR and fill her up. Give her some impregnator dirty talk during sex for maximum enjoyment. “I’m going to fucking impregnate you! You’re going to have my baby, bitch!” “Tell me you want my baby! SAY IT BITCH!” Mmmmmm good stuff.
7. Don’t let your lady go crazy with expensive baby shit during the pregnancy. While she’s preggo, her mom, girlfriends and sisters are going to fill her with false Societal Programming about all the crap she needs to buy for the baby, often with your money. Be a man, be Alpha, stay strong, and don’t fall for it.
A used crib from Craigslist, a simple stroller, a few baby clothes, a good breast pump, a good diaper disposal system, some diapers and baby food are all you need. Anything more is just ego stroking for momma. If she wants to spend her money on frivolous baby crap, then fine, but you don’t need to be buying any of that shit. Your money has more important uses, like paying down your debts, building your business, or investing for the long term.
Remember that just because you’re a father doesn’t mean you have to be a beta. Maintain your Alpha frame during and after the pregnancy at all times.
Enjoy the pregnancy sex too. I’ve been with several pregnant women (in all three trimesters) and it’s super fun. Women are crazy bee-otches in bed while they’re pregnant. And you can’t get them pregnant! And they have big boobs too! Win.
8. DNA test the baby the instant it comes out of that vag. As soon as that baby is born, you need to have a DNA sample taken, securely packaged, and securely sipped to a recognized DNA test lab to ensure that you are indeed the father. “Securely packaged” and “securely shipped” are important, because in some states / provinces you need to prove secure transport to the DNA lab for the paternity test to be legally valid. Again, do your research before all of this so on the big day you’re ready to go.
I’ve already discussed the reason for this at length in my books and past blog posts, but the summary is that if you wait two or three years to paternity test your kids and then find out they’re not yours, you’re screwed. The government isn’t going to care, and you’ll have to pay child support for kids that are not yours for the next 18 years or you’ll go to prison. Isn’t that nice? I’m so glad we live in such a fair, left-wing world.
To prevent this, you need to paternity test that baby as soon as it’s born and before you sign the birth certificate. Do NOT sign that birth certificate until the test results come back showing that you’re the father. Do NOT let her, her family, or your family pressure you into signing the birth certificate before then. Are THEY going to pay child support if you’re not the father? Screw them. Be smart.
There might be some scenarios where the doctors or whomever say you have to sign the birth certificate right then and there. I’m no attorney so I can’t advise you here. I’m simply telling you that signing that birth certificate before you know you’re the father is like playing Russian roulette with a loaded pistol. Don’t do it.
If your response to all of this is, “I don’t have to check the baby’s DNA. She wasn’t fucking any other guys nine months ago,” then you’re a pussy, you have oneitis, you’re not thinking clearly, and I can’t help you. Google search the statistics on the number of babies born to men who are not the biological fathers. I think you’ll be shocked.
No matter how much you love her or trust her, get the paternity test done as soon as the baby is born. If you’re worried about her reaction, tell her way in advance (before you get her pregnant even) you’re going to do this so it won’t be a surprise to her. Don’t be stupid.
10. If you come back as not the father, you have a decision to make. What if the test comes back negative and you’re not the father? Then do not sign the birth certificate! As to what to do after that, I can’t advise you. I know what I would do, but everyone is different and you need to make your own decision.
What would you do, BD?
Well, since you asked. I’m not recommending you do this. This is simply what I would do. To me, the problem is not that I’m not the biological father. The problem is that this woman tried to trick me into thinking I was. That is very serious business. A lie of this level of destructive magnitude means that she does not qualify for an OLTR at all.
Therefore, I would immediately but nicely downgrade her to FB, and if I lived with her I would nicely kick her out. I wouldn’t get upset or be a jerk about it, and if she needed some time after the childbirth to settle for a little bit, that would be okay and I would accommodate her. But the OLTR relationship would be over instantly and she’d have to be out of my house within 30-45 days. I would also encourage her to contact the real father so things like child support and custody could be arranged, but that would be her problem.
Once she moved out, I would continue to be friendly with her and see her as a FB. I’ve had many FBs in the past who I kept seeing after they had other men’s babies, and it was perfectly cool with me. Be sure to be very careful with the condoms and birth control, though! A woman who cranks out one baby is more than happy to crank out some more.
11. If you are the father, update the parenting plan. If you’re the daddy, sign the birth certificate. Congrats! You’re a father. Then, if it’s needed based on where you live, update the parenting plan with the baby’s name and social security number, and re-file it. Make sure you keep everything official and compliant with the law at all times, otherwise you’ll get bitten in the ass later.
Now, if you and baby momma ever break up or get divorced (and you probably will), instead of having a huge and expensive custody battle with lawyers and shit like everybody else does, you just pull out the parenting plan and do what is says. Very simple.
12. Enjoy the joys and pains of being a father. Don’t have any more kids until you know you can afford them. Start being a daddy, but don’t have any more kids until your accurate budget clearly indicates you can afford another one. Today in this modern era, the less children you have, the better. Having four, five, six or more kids was a great idea for a man back in the 1800s, but today doing that in the Western world is ridiculously dangerous in terms of your long-term happiness and finances. Do your best to stick with one or two, then get a vasectomy or go on TRT using a microscope protocol to reduce the odds of any future accidents.
There you have it. The safest and least-bad way to father children in the modern era. Or just don’t have kids. Up to you.
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Sean 2016-07-28 05:51:03
Can you please point to the studies regarding parenting and happiness? Thanks!
Al 2016-07-28 05:57:56
I never did have children. That was a conscious decision from a very early age. I can promise readers that I am probably older than most of you. Do I regret my choice? Not a bit. For god's sake, please don't drag out the "who is going to look after you when you are older" line. It is up to you to look after yourself at all ages. By the way BD, what a fabulous picture of the kid on the bike. 🙂
CSR 2016-07-28 06:20:41
It beats me how many men don't understand how crucial the parenting test is. We have finally found a cheap, 99% reliable way of figuring out if the kid is ours and when I say "of course I'll order a parenting test" they try to sell me the "confidence excuse" bullshit just the same way women do. - "Even if you've been with her for like 8 years?" - "Do you think I'm out of my fuking mind?" - "So you don't trust her?" - <Facepalm>. Then I explain to them that Germany and France have effectively banned parenting tests, you can't do it without the mother's or court's explicit permission or you'll face a €5000 fine and 6 months in Germany and €15000 and a year of prison in France. The real parental fraud ratios must be truly scary if they try to hide the shit under the carpet like this. There's no way in hell I'll expose myself to raise a kid that's supposed to be mine but it's not. For people that don't know how this stuff works with women: Women don't like paternity tests not because all of them are horrible beings that want to cheat on you with some Chad's sperm. They want you to pass the "ultimate confidence test". If you're so utterly idiot as to rely on trust rather than fact that she hasn't cheated, then you're signaling her that you blindy trust her no matter what, so she owns your ass completely. She is a woman and of course she knows that the paternity test is the correct thing to do in a man's position but she doesn't want you to do it because it prevents you to perform the confidence "stress test". Telling her that you want the paternity test and that it's non negotiable means that you are not stupid, that you are and will always be on guard, prepared and aware and that your trust on her will never be absolute, which is exactly what she will do with you during the entire length of the relationship. Of course because she's a woman, the very same action is fine if she does it and it's nuclear war if you do it. Don't be an idiot and test that fucking DNA. It is one the most important male shit tests.
cdw100 2016-07-28 06:50:07
I was married, had kids. With shift work, I was at home more than the mother. She got a promotion, I outright quit my job so she could move. During this time I had the sense that she was moving to get away from a boyfriend she had picked up while we were married. I could not prove it, but we have no fault laws, so I had to plan for the eventuality that divorce was on its' way down the road. Then something interesting happened. The Supreme Court of Canada ruled that when one spouse leaves work to care for the children, that spouse can be compensated for the lost wages, pension, et al out of the marital assets first before they are divided. I put that little chestnut into my back pocket for future use. Time moved on, she one day told me she was not happy and had to find herself. Translated "I am screwing your business partner". In the end I got my kids, house, pensions, investments and some other things. That little supreme court ruling was used by my lawyer as the hammer to get her to settle for almost nothing. I knew the law, I observed carefully, and when she walked out the door she told the kids to pack their bags, and they told her to get lost. Not bad for 12 year old and 10 1/2 year old. Her new boyfriend who had a valuable family business that my ex wanted to get her hooks into, kicked her ass to the curb 3 days before common law vesting. He really did me a big favour and I returned the favour by giving his ex wife's lawyer our business documents that he had withheld from the courts. I think he got tagged an extra 300,000 plus costs for telling a few fibs in his divorce trial. I love it when a plan comes together. The above article has some good stuff, but remember- "In loco parentis" has been around for a thousand years and the courts are loath to break it, so get the dna as fast as you can.
dj 2016-07-28 07:32:50
BD you need to update the science - now they can take blood from a pregnant woman and isolate the babys dna for paternity test. If its not yours then she has time to consider abortion provided tou refuse to raise another mans child
DAP 2016-07-28 08:23:43
BD, out of all the articles you've written over the years, this one takes the cake. If more men thought along these lines, society would be so much different and in my personal opinion, better. Applause. ??
BlindIo 2016-07-28 10:09:40
Step 1: Move to a country with a sane culture and tolerable laws.
Sundance 2016-07-28 10:16:06
BD, In California, after you sign the voluntary Declaration of Paternity form at the hospital you are allowed 60 days to rescind it. During that 60 days you can do a DNA test available from most drugstores. It wouldn't surprise me if other States have similar provisions. http://www.courts.ca.gov/1201.htm You must file the rescission form with the Department of Child Support Services within 60 days from the date you signed the Declaration of Paternity
Blackdragon 2016-07-28 10:19:23
Can you please point to the studies regarding parenting and happiness?https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2015/08/11/the-most-depressing-statistic-imaginable-about-being-a-new-parent/ http://www.scmp.com/magazines/post-magazine/article/1858685/how-having-children-robs-parents-their-happiness http://healthland.time.com/2011/03/04/why-having-kids-is-foolish/ ...and there are many others.
BD you need to update the science – now they can take blood from a pregnant woman and isolate the babys dna for paternity test.I'm aware of that, but I only give recommendations for things that are A) widely available and B) inexpensive. I don't know if the above procedure is such.
Germany and France have effectively banned parenting tests, you can’t do it without the mother’s or court’s explicit permission or you’ll face a €5000 fine and 6 months in Germany and €15000 and a year of prison in France.Ah, yes. Europe. Insane and suicidal as ever. (Not that the US is much better.)
BlindIo 2016-07-28 10:54:16
Just depends which laws (and countries - europe is not a unified whole) you look at. In denmark we don't give the woman half of what the man owns and a portion of his future earnings in case of divorce, for example. It is curious that the countries with the most insane family related laws are also the ones with the worst immigrant problems, however. There has as yet been no terror attack in my country.
Blackdragon 2016-07-28 15:40:00
Just depends which laws (and countries – europe is not a unified whole) you look at.That's true. Much of Europe doesn't have alimony laws; good point. Europe has still gone insane though.
There has as yet been no terror attack in my country.Heh. Just give it time...
Gordon Ron 2016-07-29 00:08:28
Considering that the majority of children are born out of wedlock in Europe (per my Google check) and heading that way in the US, it seems that the partner (not husband) would have to affirmatively consent to being named the father (i.e., no legal presumption that I am aware of that the boyfriend is the father), in which case it seems a decent deal for men who are not married. In exchange for signing one could ask for proof of paternity, no?
Tim 2016-07-29 01:31:27
Whenever someone brings up the subject of having kids, I always think about this comic from The Oatmeal, lol http://theoatmeal.com/comics/kids
Jack Outside the Box 2016-07-29 03:53:12
Step 1: Move to a country with a sane culture and tolerable laws.I thought you were concerned with the decline in white birth rates?
SuperSlavisWife 2016-07-29 08:57:23
On 7: the urge to get things is ridiculously overwhelming. It's like that dry thirst you get after a long day out or a hard gym workout. I found that sewing things fills the "baby attention span" nicely. I have a pile of mostly free fabrics in my sewing cupboards and sewing chews up the spare time I could spend looking at baby things, relaxes me when I'm feeling anxious and is providing free things for the baby. Plus, the way Jon looks at me when he gets home and admires a completed project makes me feel like melting. Unsure if a woman can be convinced to take up sewing, knitting or crochet, but if you can get her to it really is a lifesaver. On 1: the amount some people spend on baby things astonishes me. We have got all our cloth diapers for the whole two first years, a moses basket, a crib, all bedding, a carrier, a pump and bottles, and even a few randoms that aren't essential, but were dirt cheap and will keep the baby distracted while I work. Around half of it is brand new, including the diapers. Even including two years worth of my supplements, the non essentials, a few printed fabrics for the sewing kit and all the maternity clothes I need, we've spent under £350. Car-seat will set us back about £120, but that's something neither of us wants to really compromise on. Pram was offered by a relative, but if not I have seen a few newborn-toddler ones I could have got for £30. I'm basically done other than clothes and soft toys, which I hope to get given or make by December. Still, most can be got for 25p, so not too bad. Most of the things are gender-neutral so they will work for future babies until they disintegrate. Short form: babies are as expensive as you make them, so shop around, buy second hand, and even if you want the silly things, they don't need to cost you. PS: Nursaries are stupid. Babies often hate sleeping in separate rooms, being alone is bad for their health, you will probably get up more and decorating a whole new room costs a bomb. And nursary-obsessed women DO insist on upgrading it every single year. Worst case, set up a "playroom" which is basically a room with a cot and some cheap boxes to store the baby things. I'm pretty sure grand nursary plans are to babies what grand wedding plans are to marriage.
Blackdragon 2016-07-29 10:53:45
Considering that the majority of children are born out of wedlock in Europe (per my Google check) and heading that way in the US, it seems that the partner (not husband) would have to affirmatively consent to being named the father (i.e., no legal presumption that I am aware of that the boyfriend is the father), in which case it seems a decent deal for men who are not married. In exchange for signing one could ask for proof of paternity, no?You're assuming that European governments give a shit about what the father wants. Many don't, and like all left-wing trends, this is going to get worse, not better. People who defend some European countries' lack of things like alimony fail to point out that this is because Europe is highly socialist and enveloped by a suicidal welfare state that is more than happy to pay for an unlimited amount of children of divorced or single mothers, or of immigrants, doing so by putting a gun in your face and ripping money out of your wallet whether you like it or not. In other words, ALL men in such a country are paying for ALL the mistakes of ALL the men who impregnate women by accident. This creates a market demand for more women to have babies outside of stable relationships, and eventually causes collapse and bankruptcy of your nation. Not that people care (they're too focused on getting "free" stuff right now). I prefer to live in a country that doesn't put a gun in my face and forces me to pay for the mistakes of irresponsible adults and children that aren't mine, whether via my tax dollars or via alimony or falsely enforced child support. Sadly, both the US and Europe do this.
Gil Galad 2016-07-29 14:35:55
Paternity testing is not illegal in France, but yeah, they do try to make it as hard as possible (it has to be court-approved and you get a big fine if you try to do one secretly). There's no way I'm having children in that country, if I have children at all. BD is right, Europe is screwed, on all levels (the funniest thing is that when I'm in France I only hit on non-french girls). I'm leaving as soon as I have my shit together, but it's gonna take time.
Vaquero357 2016-07-30 02:11:42
@BD: I don't have kids, don't ever want 'em, but you offer the best advice - bar none - I've ever read about taking on the burden of parenthood. Just today, I was sitting in the waiting room of a car repair place, and a youngish dad with 2 kids came in. The kids weren't badly behaved, but jeepers they kept up a constant chatter of questions and "Hey, Dad, look at this!" I could tell the guy was totally drained. False societal programming keeps sucking people into the "Don't be selfish, have kids" trap. No thanks. I'm always amazed at how people dive into the commitment of having kids without any realistic reflection about all the things they are automatically deciding NOT to do with their lives. @A1: "For god’s sake, please don’t drag out the “who is going to look after you when you are older” line. It is up to you to look after yourself at all ages." Ay-Men, sir!! You'll take care of yourself with the money you do not spend raising kids....who will most likely ignore you or warehouse you in the lowest-cost nursing home they can find. Oh, I'm being a mean old cynic today. P.S. I do hafta ask, how do you present to your special, newly pregnant lady your demand for a paternity test? I mean, Drama City, right? Anger, recrimination, "you don't trust me!", tears, etc.
itdoesntmatter 2016-08-01 22:15:21
I was involved with a single mom whose estranged husband is on her daughter's birth certificate (due to state law). He moved 1000s of miles away (probably to get away from her and find his sanity) almost 2 years prior, and I don't think he has any idea. At least he's never had to pay child support. Also a good reason, if you make the mistake of getting married, to file for divorce immediately if your wife cheats.
Blackdragon 2016-08-01 23:17:05
At least he’s never had to pay child support.Not yet. All she has to do is fill out one form at any time in the next 18 years whenever she needs money, and he's fucked.
Mike dean 2016-08-03 01:42:16
whats your take on sleep? how much do you get a night? do you believe in training the body to adapt to less sleep to have more time to work in your 20s and 30s so you can live in luxury later in later. approaching sleep with the mindset of recovery and no longer pleasure. i dont believe in the 8 hours a night teaching. would be great if you could make a post on this topic sometime in the future.
Sean 2016-08-03 04:58:38
My gf who I am happy with has given me a deadline of one year to have children... I am on the fence. BD, I know you state that happiness will decline overall; but, I imagine it really is the worst in the first 1-4 years then happiness increases? Also, you state you wouldn't advise against it; so, there must be some worthy aspects - what are they in your opinion? When and why do you think its a good idea?
Blackdragon 2016-08-03 10:55:06
whats your take on sleep?I have an entire section on sleep in my book. I recommend you get it. It's only $9 for 440 pages. The summary is that sleep is one of the most important things in your life and you've got to force yourself to get at least 7 hours of it every night. Some people need 8 or 9.
how much do you get a night?8 hours. I have timers to ensure that I do.
do you believe in training the body to adapt to less sleep to have more time to work in your 20s and 30s so you can live in luxury later in later.No. I've never seen reliable science on this. The only exception to this is polyphasic sleep, which I agree does work, but it's near-impossible to adapt to most lifestyles, including an Alpha 2.0 one. That's why the vast majority of people who try it and support it eventually end up going back to normal sleep patterns.
would be great if you could make a post on this topic sometime in the future.No. Read my book. And no more discussion on this please. Too off-topic.
My gf who I am happy with has given me a deadline of one year to have children… I am on the fence.Any ultimatum given by a woman must be met by an instant next or downgrade. The fact that she gave you an ultimatum and you're "on the fence" means you're being a pussy and probably have oneitis. This relationship will not last in a happy fashion if she can give you ultimatums and you continue the relationship. Go to her right now and tell her you don't do ultimatums, and next her ass or downgrade her to FB instantly unless she relents on it.
BD, I know you state that happiness will decline overall; but, I imagine it really is the worst in the first 1-4 years then happiness increases?Incorrect. That's just your wishful thinking due to insanity and oneitis. According to every study and all of my anecdotal experience, the unhappiness lasts 18-20 years, not 4.
Also, you state you wouldn’t advise against it; so, there must be some worthy aspects – what are they in your opinion?Kids can give you moments of happiness and pride.
When and why do you think its a good idea?If your goal is absolute long-term happiness, you should never have kids. If you don't mind taking a hit on your happiness for 18-20 years, you should have kids after you have achieved most of your big goals in life. That means age 40 or 50 for most men. Details here. That's not your problem. Your problem is that you're being a beta and letting your GF dictate massive lifestyle changes you don't really want and aren't ready for, instead of dumping her ass and finding a better woman more compatible with your long-term goals and plans. Stop being a pussy and man-up.
Sean 2016-08-03 12:46:53
"If your goal is absolute long-term happiness, you should never have kids." Why would you sacrifice your happiness for 18-20 years? Simply to give into biological and societal pressures? Are there actually any good reasons to have kids, in your opinion?
Blackdragon 2016-08-03 14:48:24
Why would you sacrifice your happiness for 18-20 years? Simply to give into biological and societal pressures?Yep.
Are there actually any good reasons to have kids, in your opinion?If you really, really, really want kids despite all the downsides. Some men with certain personalities are going to want kids regardless of the unhappiness it may cause.
Ron Gordon 2016-08-03 22:10:43
"Some men with certain personalities are going to want kids regardless of the unhappiness it may cause." Yep, that is probably me. I have three sons. They are a great joy (and burden) for me. I would never want to go back and not have them even if time travel was possible. In my particular case, I got extremely lonely and melancholy (at least in my 20's) and perhaps self-destructive with too much drinking. The marriage in my mid-20's gave me direction to find a well-paying career and I drank less. I do not mind being alone now in my 40's, but I am not sure I would have made it without having a family. In any case, I am mid-40's with a good job, kids, and money and still feel I have lots of time to do crazy stuff and enjoy my life. Thanks.
Sean 2016-08-04 04:58:40
"That’s not your problem. Your problem is that you’re being a beta and letting your GF dictate massive lifestyle changes you don’t really want and aren’t ready for, instead of dumping her ass and finding a better woman more compatible with your long-term goals and plans. Stop being a pussy and man-up." Sat down with her last night ready to break up... she completely relented on the one year deadline. Also, agreed to address a few other issues. So, gonna keep it going.
Blackdragon 2016-08-04 09:17:51
Sat down with her last night ready to break up… she completely relented on the one year deadline.Good. Keep your balls.
Throughfare 2016-08-31 12:42:37
Hey BD, I am not aware of any state or province in N. America where there is a legal requirement to sign any kind of paternity form in the hospital when the child is delivered. If a doctor or nurse says that to you they are bullshitting you, which unfortunately, happens often in hospitals. The hospital admins may declare a policy and tell the staff they have to enforce it on patients, so the docs and/or nurses may go extreme on you, but hold your ground. Hold your ground like a man, and don't sign anything. In particular, in California do not sign what they call the "voluntary" Declaration of Paternity form. They will pressure you, they will threaten you, but you don't have to do it, legally. Do not do it. Let me repeat: Do.Not.Fucking.Do.This! You can "rescind" all you want later, but if a woman appears to be in danger of becoming indigent, the courts will use any excuse, no matter how flimsy, to pin child support on you, even when a DNA test has proven that the child is not yours, and yes: they can cite the fact that you signed the paternity form, and vacate your recension. In both the USA, and Canada, family laws in every state uniformly declare that the judges must place the "interests of the child" above any other legal consideration. Attemps to challenge unjust child support decisions almost universally fail. And yes, I have known a guy (just one, but still) whose lovey-dovey little finace popped out a baby that was not his. It astounded both of them. Him because he had never imagined his Disney Princess "Being Like That" and her because the guy she had a fling with lied to her about having had a vasectomy (it's not just chicks who lie about birth control-LOL) This guy to this day is grateful he did the right thing: DNA test right away in spite of extreme anger on the part of his mom & her mom, refused to sign the paternity form (which was incorporated into the birth certificate application in his state) in the hospital, in spite of universal anger and pressure from the fiance, parents & hospital staff.
Blackdragon 2016-08-31 12:53:12
Hey BD, I am not aware of any state or province in N. America where there is a legal requirement to sign any kind of paternity form in the hospital when the child is delivered. If a doctor or nurse says that to you they are bullshitting you, which unfortunately, happens often in hospitals.Correct. It's "what's done" but not necessarily a legal requirement (as far as I know).
You can “rescind” all you want later, but if a woman appears to be in danger of becoming indigent, the courts will use any excuse, no matter how flimsy, to pin child support on you, even when a DNA test has proven that the child is not yours, and yes: they can cite the fact that you signed the paternity form, and vacate your recension.Yep! Don't sign anything until the paternity test comes back!
This guy to this day is grateful he did the right thing: DNA test right away in spite of extreme anger on the part of his mom & her mom, refused to sign the paternity form (which was incorporated into the birth certificate application in his state) in the hospital, in spite of universal anger and pressure from the fiance, parents & hospital staff.He's a hero. I wish more men these days had balls like that.
Throughfare 2016-08-31 20:43:38
He’s a hero. I wish more men these days had balls like that.To be fair, he has a unique background. Don't want to risk outing the guy, but let's just say he's in a profession where you have to have knowledge of the law, and where he deals often daily with conflict, with aggressive people, and has to have a thick skin. Unlike him, most guys have no idea they don't have to sign paternity forms (especially in some places where they're "disguised" by being incorporated as part of such documents as birth certificate applications.) And far too many guys are still old-school betas who don't handle conflict well. You're doing God's work here educating guys and affecting change at the grassroots level. If this information saves even one more guy from a lifetime of servitude to the blue pill, this is well worth it. Upwards and onwards!
Taylor 2016-09-26 11:53:56
Wow....all I can say is WOW!... " Having and raising kids will make you less happy, no matter how you structure it..... "Always plan on the reality that you will eventually break up with or divorce the mother of your children, and likely do so before your children are 18"....Damn, I've run across some cynics in my lifetime, but this is just totally frickin' sad. Is this really how you feel?? Dude, I'm not going to sit here and say that everything you're saying here is total bullshit because I haven't lived your life, I haven't walked in your shoes and I'm certainly not here to judge anyone, especially someone I've never met. In fact, when I was in my delusional 20s, I used to say that I was NEVER EVER going to have kids....EVER. I went about getting my degree and then getting my Master's and working in a job that allowed me to live the life I wanted to live. I got married at 24 and for 10 years we never had kids because I just didn't want them...to be quite honest I was just scared. I went through depression and drug addiction because nothing made me happy. There was just something.....missing,...a void, for lack of a better word. My husband wanted kids and pushed me to have one and we ended up having a son 11 years after we were married. I don't want to sound like a stupid "Disney-esque" movie, but my son is THE best thing that has EVER happened to me. He just turned 8. By the end of my work day, I miss him....every single day. I look forward to picking him up from school. Just looking at him and listening to him talk gives me joy. I never knew happiness like that existed, that love THAT pure could be real. My husband feels the same way, or at least that's my impression. Our son brought us closer together. I have his back and he has mine. Yes, we have problems (we've had some major ones), but I know he's going to be there for me,.... and I would damn sure give my life for him or my son in a heartbeat, without hesitation if I had to. Look, a lot of what you say makes total and complete sense, but saying that kids will make you less happy is just wrong. And "planning on the reality that you will eventually break up with or divorce the mother of your children" is just setting yourself up for failure. What you think, you become.....period. Having a child has made my life exponentially better and has changed my ENTIRE outlook on existence....It has made me a better human being. You said, "if your goal is absolute long-term happiness, you should never have kids". The bottom line is that "absolute long-term happiness", if there is such a thing, has to come from within...you cannot depend on another human being to provide that for you. God knows I've had to learn that the hard way. For me, at least, having a child has given me a glimpse into what really matters the most. And one day when I'm old and he's grown up, I'm going to look back at those 18 years and think, those were some of the best years of my life! I'm so thankful I was given the blessing of being his mom.
Joe K 2016-09-26 12:09:44
@Taylor - you say this: "I went through depression and drug addiction because nothing made me happy. There was just something…..missing,…a void, for lack of a better word. My husband wanted kids and pushed me to have one and we ended up having a son 11 years after we were married. I don’t want to sound like a stupid “Disney-esque” movie, but my son is THE best thing that has EVER happened to me. He just turned 8. By the end of my work day, I miss him….every single day. I look forward to picking him up from school. Just looking at him and listening to him talk gives me joy. I never knew happiness like that existed" ...and then this... "The bottom line is that “absolute long-term happiness”, if there is such a thing, has to come from within…you cannot depend on another human being to provide that for you." So, if we take those two excerpts, with nary a few sentences separating them - and then we dismissively use terms like 'chick logic' around here - does that make us contemptuous, or just moderately-competent linguists interpreting basic English dictionary definitions of words?
Blackdragon 2016-09-26 12:41:16
Damn, I’ve run across some cynics in my lifetime, but this is just totally frickin’ sad. Is this really how you feel??No. I'm not stating an opinion. I'm stating a fact. Just about every study done on this clearly shows that overall levels of happiness drop when people have kids (then return when the kids move out).
And “planning on the reality that you will eventually break up with or divorce the mother of your children” is just setting yourself up for failure.Again, I'm not stating an opinion. I'm stating fact. The lifetime odds of divorce these days are around 70%, and increase every decade. The odds are overwhelming that you will get divorced at some point. This is not how I "feel." This is fact.
Taylor 2016-09-26 14:40:07
Joe K: To answer your question, your comments make you an ass. My first point was that children are, in my experience, a source of joy. I have a difficult time seeing how the author of this blog could say he had children and then say, if you want long-term happiness, don't have kids...gee, thanks dad. My second point was the idea that planning that your marriage or relationship WILL end in divorce at some point was self sabotaging. People who look at relationships this way often depend on their mate to provide their happiness and that's what causes problems. My family brings me joy, but I don't depend on anyone for my happiness. Dragon: "Just about every study ever done" says that people are unhappy having kids? You can twist statistics just like you can twist words to make whatever retarded point you want to make. This little blog proves my point that there are two different types of males in this world: there are men and then there are "guys". A guy is someone who publishes and/or reads a plan on how to have kids with a "baby mama".
Blackdragon 2016-09-26 15:10:14
You can twist statistics just like you can twist words to make whatever retarded point you want to make.Great comeback. You totally kicked my ass with your well thought out and rational arguments. You're making women look like really good debaters too.
CTV 2018-04-14 21:32:26
Just got done reading this.. In the process of Banking Sperm to have 2 Kids (at least) with IUI's and IVF.. Vasectomy is scheduled for end of the month. This way I'm in TOTAL CONTROL when I decide to have kids. Most def the biggest takeaways from this are DON'T SIGN SHIT until the child is PROVEN to be Yours via Paternity Test. And.. Make sure you're in an OLTR or in a TMM for our Trad Con/Alpha 1.0 Allies. I love these blogs about kids. Being I've been an avid reader/Unchained Man since about March 2016 I get all kinds of good tips and advice from here. Plan is Bank Sperm, Get Vasectomy, Fuck A lot of Chicks, Fuck Some More. Have kids at 40's-50.. and then Fuck some more chicks.
Jack Outside the Box 2018-04-15 04:31:30
Make sure you’re in an OLTR or in a TMM for our Trad Con/Alpha 1.0 Allies.Ok, there are two things wrong here: 1. I don't care who you are. You can't be encouraging having kids in a TMM. Alpha 1.0s will get legally screwed just like the betas. TMM needs to die. 2. Alpha 1.0s are not our allies. They are tradcons who would call our women "sluts" and us "degenerates!"
Maurice 2019-01-30 11:28:00
I'm almost 30 years old and I'm speaking with a lesbian couple who wants help getting pregnant. They have been together for a number of years and want to have full responsibility (legal and otherwise) of taking care of the child(ren). They've said they would cover all my costs like traveling to their town and back. I'd do this immediately but there's a risk... If they don't honor the agreement I'd have to pay about 35 000 Euro per child for the next 18 years. But I'd have a biological child. Later, when the child grows older I'd be happy to meet it occasionally. They want to sign legal documents for this arrangement. However, in my home country a contract is invalid if signed prior to the child being born. As soon as the child is born I could sign a paper with the mother stating I'm not its father and she covers all expenses and is legally responsible for the care of the child(ren). At that point the mother's wife/girlfriend can adopt the child as her own. Of course everything is perfect before the problems appear. What's your experience in similar situations? What happends in a womans mind when she's pregnant? Can you trust women to go along with these kinds of things? Is there a better way to achieve this that anyone knows of? Thanks!!!