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When She Might Be Choosing Between You and Another Guy
A reader C.W. has this question:
-By Caleb Jones
I’ve been on the hunt with a few different girls and you can always tell there is another guy they are either currently with or deciding between you and him. Sometimes they say it, but others they don’t say it but you can sense it. How do you handle these situations and does anything change in your process. I usually just keep it standard process but in the past I have lost the girl because maybe I didn’t give a little more attention. Does anything benefit by giving a little more during this situation.
In the modern era with online dating, Tinder, Instagram, hungry beta males willing to promise just about anything, older sugar daddies willing to throw ungodly amounts of money at them, and various other opportunities (distractions?) for women, you can almost guarantee that in most cases there is indeed another guy in the picture with any new woman you’re attempting to bring into your sex life.
Indeed, the number one reason why a woman who appears to really like you online, or on the first or second date suddenly ghosts your ass and vanishes off the face of the Earth is because that other guy got to her first.
Sometimes this other guy can simply be another guy who hit her up on the same dating site/app as you did (or a different one). Other times this can be a returning ex. Still other times it can be one of her male co-workers or her sister’s friends.[/vc_column_text][vc_row_inner][vc_column_inner width="3/5"][vc_column_text]
As I said in The Ultimate Online Dating Manual, when you are talking to a woman online, you are literally the least important person in her entire life. That means that every other person in her life, including that guy who hit her up on the dating app a day before you did, is more important than you.
My favorite example of this was a woman I was attempting to date about nine or ten years ago. I met her on a dating site and drove almost an hour away to meet up with her for the first date (this was back when I was new to all of this and did a lot wrong; I would never do such a thing today.)
She was hot as hell with the exact body type and pretty face I like. Even better, she absolutely loved me on the first date and after leaving the bar she practically grabbed me in a bear hug and we made out for quite a while on the sidewalk (again, I did that wrong, don’t ever kiss women on a first date if you’re following my two-date model).
I couldn’t get her back to my place but tried that for the second date and failed. Instead, she wanted me to drive all the way back out to near her place again (an hour away, two hours in the car round trip.) I was a dumbass, so I did, and we spent quite a while going for a walk at night. Again, she was very excited, we did some sexual stuff, but I could not get her back to my place or hers.
After hours of investment into these two long damned dates with four hours in the car, when I texted her for the third meet (and hopefully the one where we closed the deal), she responded with “I’m off the market. I got back together with my ex and we're going to give it another try.”
The good news is that she was one of those very rare women who actually had the balls to say this to me. 90% of women who ghost you for another guy will not do this. They’ll usually just vanish, and you’ll never see them again, left bewildered as to why. (Though you shouldn’t be; it’s because there was another guy in the picture all along.)
The point is that this stuff is the norm for dating in the modern era. You need to assume in advance that the woman you’re meeting up with for a first or second date (or trying to do so) has at least one other guy in the picture. If she’s under the age of 23 and good-looking there could very well be two or even three other guys on her radar in addition to you.
Again, this is normal. Don’t freak out about this and don’t get pissed off. If you were a cute girl looking for sex, attention, or a provider you’d do the same damn thing.
C.W. implies in his question that the reason he’s lost women like this is because he didn’t give them enough attention. This depends on what he means by attention. I’ll cover that in a minute, but first I need to address where he asked about how to handle this or if I handle it differently.
The answer is that I don’t handle it any differently since my entire dating system is based on the fact that there are probably other men on her radar. It’s already baked into my advice. This is why I recommend things such as:
- Before the first date, respond to her incoming online messages immediately. Do not try to play it cool and wait a few hours.
- Be polite but aggressive in scheduling that first date. Don’t dilly-dally and shoot the breeze with her, talking about all kinds of other shit. Schedule that fucking date. If she’s not sure, keep (nicely) pushing her until she gives you a date and a time (you determine the place).
- Text her the very next day after the first date. Do not try to play it cool and wait.
- After you have sex with her the first time (usually on the second date) schedule another meeting with her immediately so it happens as soon as possible so you can have sex with her again and achieve Lock-In.
And so on. Back when I was a teenager (the 1980s) you could indeed kick back and play it cool and refuse to call women back or wait days after a first date or the first time you had sex with her. That kind of thing really worked well back then. Today, that doesn’t work. There are hundreds of more distractions for women today than there were 35 years ago. You need to be aggressive and move swiftly, even if you think it’s “needy” or “beta” or "outcome dependent" to do so. It’s not if you’re following my advice of dating many women at a time instead of just one or two.
If by “attention” C.W. means that he was playing it cool and not getting back to her as quickly as he could, then yes, he needs to be more aggressive pre-Lock-In. (Lock-In means having sex with a new woman twice. This is when the dating phase ends and the relationship phase begins.)
If by “attention” he means spending more non-sexual time with her or texting her more often, then fuck no. That would be a horrible mistake and would actually drive attraction down. We’re not talking about giving women more attention here. We’re talking about aggressively setting up dates where sex is likely to occur. Those are two very different things. Once you’ve had sex twice and she’s an MLTR, give her all the attention you want on her once-a-week meet with you, not before you’ve had sex with her.
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Freevoulous 2020-02-17 05:54:44
Question: does the Lock-in requires that sex happens twice in a short time? Or simply two times with one girl? Or to put it another way, how much time can pass between the first and the second (locking) sex for it to be a proper Lock-in?
Viking 2020-02-17 08:21:20
"After you have sex with her the first time (usually on the second date) schedule another meeting with her immediately so it happens as soon as possible so you can have sex with her again and achieve Lock-In." BD: do you think by meeting her 3-4 times within the short time frame pre-lock-in, it may sometimes fuck up your EFA and give her false expectations regarding how often you want to see her?
Blackdragon 2020-02-17 09:46:32
how much time can pass between the first and the second (locking) sex for it to be a proper Lock-in?Good question. About 10 days max. The longer, the worse.
do you think by meeting her 3-4 times within the short time frame pre-lock-in, it may sometimes fuck up your EFA and give her false expectations regarding how often you want to see her?Only with A) unusually, off-the-chart needy women or B) hardcore provider hunters. With all other normal women you won't have any problems as long as you follow the rest of the system.
Anchorman 2020-02-17 10:31:02
BD: do you think by meeting her 3-4 times within the short time frame pre-lock-in, it may sometimes fuck up your EFA and give her false expectations regarding how often you want to see her?The false expectations have happened to me but I always maintain my outcome independence. The funny thing is that even if she notices a difference in the amount that you text or follow up with her, the chances are high that she will still stick around. It's more about attraction than making her happy. There is a big difference.
Viking 2020-02-17 11:09:04
I've found that there is next to none competitors when getting women as an older Alpha 2.0. The problem is almost the opposite; keeping the provider hunters off me. As an experiment, I've been tweaking my Alpha/provider frame to get hot 40+ y.o FBs from Scandinavia in addition to my live-in OLTR. This is the ultimate challenge...
Viking 2020-02-17 11:24:13
I believe stretching the time slightly longer between the two lays is better with older women. Sometimes it feels too intense cramming everything in a few days (texting, setting up dates, two fuck). Switching to meeting once a week post-lock-in can sometimes feel a bit awkward if not done smoothly to prevent to much contrast to the pre-lock-in.
joelsuf 2020-02-17 11:36:23
If she’s under the age of 23 and good-looking there could very well be two or even three other guys on her radar in addition to you.Is this also true for 33+ chicks? I feel like 33+ chicks have even more dudes on their radar, especially since most dudes their age are easy to seduce into being a provider lol.
how much time can pass between the first and the second (locking) sex for it to be a proper Lock-in?I think BD says its a month maximum, but it could be shorter than that. Most of my lock-ins take place within 10 to 14 days. Fool around/have sex the first time then fool around/have sex a week after. But I guess if you and the chick are both really busy I suppose this could stretch to a month or so.
Ivan 2020-02-17 12:31:48
If a woman dumps you for an ex do you still contact her after 4-6 months have gone by? Does she expirience the NRE again?
Blackdragon 2020-02-17 12:44:31
I’ve found that there is next to none competitors when getting women as an older Alpha 2.0. The problem is almost the opposite; keeping the provider hunters off me.Correct on both counts! (Though if you keep your women very young, like under age 23, this ceases to be a major problem. The problem is a lot guys, myself included, like older women too.)
I believe stretching the time slightly longer between the two lays is better with older women. Sometimes it feels too intense cramming everything in a few days (texting, setting up dates, two fuck). Switching to meeting once a week post-lock-in can sometimes feel a bit awkward if not done smoothly to prevent to much contrast to the pre-lock-in.Again, that's provider-hunter over-33 problem. If you want to delay the time between the first two lays, that's up to you, but you still run the risk of lowering the chance the second lay ever occurs. Older women are absolutely not exempt from that problem. They'll one-night-stand your ass just as fast as a younger woman will, Disney be damned.
If she’s under the age of 23 and good-looking there could very well be two or even three other guys on her radar in addition to you. Is this also true for 33+ chicks?It certainly can be, yes!
I feel like 33+ chicks have even more dudes on their radar, especially since most dudes their age are easy to seduce into being a provider lol.No, they don't usually have more, since that would be a violation of their ASD. But they can certainly have multiple and the multiple will be more "intense" and or "meaningful" (to her) than with the younger girls, meaning they're even harder to deal with.
If a woman dumps you for an ex do you still contact her after 4-6 months have gone by?Yes. Though in most cases the ex won't last nearly as long as it would with a new guy, so you may find she's dumped him well before 4-6 months. But you still need to wait until that happens. (Getting back together with a problematic monogamous ex thinking it will magically work the second time is seriously one of the stupidest things women do. It's flat-out retarded. Thankfully women don't do it very often because monogamy has horrible return rates (>5%) rather than the fantastic Alpha 2.0 return rates of 94%.)
Does she experience the NRE again?No. You only get to experience NRE one time per partner. (Some limited excitement, sure, but not NRE.)
hollywood 2020-02-17 12:47:04
Have lots of women in the pipeline. Women make stupid choices in men they choose, alllllll. the. time. I can't imagine caring if a woman is debating on me over another guy. If she picks the other guy I just assume she would have been a pain in my ass anyway if she prefers Alpha drama or beta boyfriend behavior. Honestly if you make a clear, obvious contrast as an Alpha 2 and she is still looking at another guy, then just assume she wasn't going to work well for you anyway and move to the next. Smile or laugh internally at her bad decision and move on. Good chance that she has other motive$ that don't involve having sex anyway.
joelsuf 2020-02-17 18:10:32
They’ll one-night-stand your ass just as fast as a younger woman will, Disney be damned.This happened to me a few weeks ago lol. Really sucked cuz we were getting along really well and it had a lot of potential to be a quality MLTR. Oh well, the search continues I guess haha.
CrabRangoon 2020-02-17 22:09:45
@hollywood "Women make stupid choices in men they choose, alllllll. the. time." and "Good chance that she has other motive$ that don’t involve having sex anyway." Yes on both counts. Younger women especially often choose to date terrible men for them, then proceed to bitch about it to everyone partly because they enjoy the drama. Women like ups and downs in life. To that second point, this is often why why pick poorly. They are in a certain stage of life and need some money, status, etc... regardless of what a piece of shit the guy is. I know many younger women under 30 who constantly hook up with idiots for what seem to be strange reasons to us. However in their mind they rationalize it because they get some benefit out of the deal. Stay on the 2.0 trail and you'll keep a good rotation of girls who will come and go over the years. When they realize they made a bad choice by either dating assholes or boring betas, they'll come back around to you time and time again.
Yan 2020-02-18 05:58:49
I assume straight she has a list of orbiters long like the road 66. I was chatting to a non-attractive girl at a dancing party and she mentioned she joined an online dating application, the next day she had over 100 messages!!!!! Now if you are calibrated and putting the numbers you will get there. Caleb is a proof of it. I tried his system it works very well. No excuses to not put the numbers in to reach your women goals and move your focus to your mission!
Blackdragon 2020-02-18 08:54:31
I know many younger women under 30 who constantly hook up with idiots for what seem to be strange reasons to us. However in their mind they rationalize it because they get some benefit out of the deal.Correct. I get a lot of questions over email and when coaching from men essentially asking "Why did she do that???" The answer is always the same: because she's a girl. She doesn't make sense.
I was chatting to a non-attractive girl at a dancing party and she mentioned she joined an online dating application, the next day she had over 100 messages!!!!!Yep. I've said before that even ugly or fat girls will get 100+ messages or swipes as soon as they sign up for any dating app. Guys will fuck anything.
Sonny 2020-02-18 11:13:05
Hi Caleb, I sort of take you as somewhat of a reference point. With that in mind. If you are looking for a very serious relationship with a woman does her high partner count diminish her value to you. You've talked openly about your relationship with PF but if hypothetically she had had a high partner count ( but everything else about her being the same ) would you have been ( much ? ) more reluctant to get into a serious relationship with her ? For me personally , It would definately diminish a woman value to me a lot if she had a high partner count.
Duke 2020-02-18 12:52:27
Guys like Sonny is why women make guys wait and try to hide their past. Don't know why he is so obsessed with promiscuity. He's already harped about it on various other threads.
Blackdragon 2020-02-18 14:21:52
If you are looking for a very serious relationship with a woman does her high partner count diminish her value to you.No. And off-topic again. Too many off-topic warnings for you. One more off-topic question from you and I'm going to start ignoring your posts, so if I don't answer you next time you'll know why.
joelsuf 2020-02-18 19:32:59
For me personally , It would definitely diminish a woman value to me a lot if she had a high partner count.Why is that? You afraid that she has had more sex than you have? Does that bruise your fragile ego? Don't be like Dante from Clerks, my dude. It isn't a good look. I don't care if a chick has had sex with over 9000 dudes: If she's STD free, I'm in. You should be too.
Sonny 2020-02-18 22:31:46
Caleb, I feel this was not off-topic as your post was " choosing between you and another guy " It has been shown that women with high partner counts lose the ability to pair bond hence is fairly relevant to the blog post.
zech 2020-02-19 01:01:57
I'm extremely thankful to women who actually say it loud that they are seeing/started seeing another dude and therefore can't continue with me. I actually appreciate this honesty so much that it usually neutralizes the feeling of disappointment. Even tho I do have a strong hunch that another man might be in picture, it's easier to deal with the situation when it's confirmed (in other words - easier to move on instead of thinking that should I keep interacting her etc.). It's extremely annoying when a girl (or anyone in general) leaves you hanging regardless of the topic altho the older and more experienced I get the faster I tend to move on with other plans...sometimes I think I do it a bit too fast because I value my time.
zech 2020-02-19 01:19:54
Caleb, I feel this was not off-topic as your post was ” choosing between you and another guy ” It has been shown that women with high partner counts lose the ability to pair bond hence is fairly relevant to the blog post.Exactly and the higher the partner count is the more likely it is that there is other men in the picture (or she is fucking other men). I'm not aware that any of the girls with history of long relationships and low partner count have seen other men while being with me. Usually tho this isn't relevant for your strategy at the beginning because you never know how high the partner count is unless she drops hints which happens sometimes when your frame is non-judgemental. The most common ones are: Stories how she has been promiscuous (summer festivals/concerts, spring breaks etc.) She tells she have cheated on her exes She tells you that "When she was younger, she always had to bring home some man from the club" - usually expressed in a way that "she isn't like that anymore". And variations of these. So yeah, I think high partner counts are relevant to topic. You should be aware what i means and how it affects woman (unable to pair bond which has many kind of side effects). Also women with high partner counts tend to have lower than average self esteem (they are fucking because of validation and/or to degenerate themselves because "they don't deserve it better") and possibly daddy issues. These are difficult problems to deal with and should be taken into consideration when categorizing women. Promiscuity is a strong hint that these problems exist. I don't care about womens high partner count or woman fucking other dudes in itself but I care about underlying issues why they are doing that because in most of the cases there is issues (yes, there is some girls who are mentally stable who have high n counts but they are more rare).
CCMidwest 2020-02-19 04:56:27
It has been shown that women with high partner counts lose the ability to pair bond...I generally agree with this. However, with BD's system if they are unable to pair bond, regardless of the reason why, they would never make it beyond the FB stage anyway. That's the thing I like the most about following BD's system is I can take women at face value, watch their actions and nothing more, and categorize them from there. I don't have to try and change them, analyze them, judge them, or react to my own emotions and try and build a relationship based off how I feel about them. (Oneitis lol) They are FB's until they've earned the right to be more, and most women never earn that. It's really none of my business as to why they don't earn it (unless it's my own failure causing the problem) For a guy like myself that has major control issues, it's great to let it all go and just categorize based on merit. (With me still "leading" them a bit by holding frame and having standards for them to follow) Her notch count doesn't matter to me because only her actions towards me matter. With that said, my current MLTR is 30 and has been with only 3 men that I'm aware of.
Sonny 2020-02-19 06:34:16
Caleb, Your AUDIENCE agrees with me that this question was relevant to this subject. Two of them had strong opinions and lengthy posts on this subject. You don't wanna reply to my questions its YOUR choice bruh... its a free country.. but don't say THIS particular question was off topic To be fair though ive been off topic in the past...
Sonny 2020-02-19 07:43:26
Duke, Im Sharing this with you and the rest of my Alpha bros in this secret society of ours.. I don't fucking promiscuous girls like at all , I just don't wanna get into a serious relationship with them !! XD So why blame "guys like me" for women making men wait ?
hollywood 2020-02-19 08:13:22
However, with BD’s system if they are unable to pair bond, regardless of the reason why, they would never make it beyond the FB stage anyway.Exactly. Sonny and zech, you both care way too much about your partners' past sexual experience. Likely you are insecure about your own experiences. She might have a high notch count but the girls that give the best blowjobs are the ones that have sucked a hundred dicks or more. What do you want? A mediocre woman in bed who will still eventually leave you, or a woman who gives you top notch sex? Or both? Have both if you want. Caring about her notch count is not Alpha at all in any sort of way. Even Alpha 1 doesn't care about her past notch count. You will beta yourself for a woman who provides you the (most likely false) sense of purity about herself that you seek. Many women are pros at faking this anyway. Just like CCMidwest said above, BD's system is great because you only form meaningful relationships with women who treat you well and make you happy. If a woman treats me well and makes me happy yet has a high notch count, who cares? Granted, the one valid part of this, is that a high-notch count woman isn't likely to stick around with the same guy for a long time unless he allows her to see other men, but that's what you should be doing, so she should stick around for a while as long as you let her do what she wants. Regardless, having high-notch count FB's should never be an issue for you. Also arguing with the site owner/moderator comes off as very beta. Read The Unchained Man if you haven't yet, and work on yourself. You've at least came to the right place and are trying to learn. Free yourself from the Obsolete Biological Wiring in your brain, get a better Outcome Independence mindset, and live happy. You can do it, stop fighting it.
zech 2020-02-19 09:18:06
Sonny and zech, you both care way too much about your partners’ past sexual experience.hollywood, You are misreading me and giving the standard response which you would give to a newbie. To be clear: My statement is that promiscuity is a manifestation of the problems in the past and possibly forecasts problems in the future (scientifically proven problems with pair bonding). Also depending of level of promiscuity, you can adjust your expectations and categorize more effectively or possibly move on quicker because you can assume that she will next you for another guy. In my experience the revelations of promiscuity comes way before than the revelations about mental issues. Therefore notch count is somewhat relevant to this topic and also generally relevant for you to categorize effectively. Read again my message and you will see this all there.
Blackdragon 2020-02-19 09:22:48
I’m extremely thankful to women who actually say it loud that they are seeing/started seeing another dude and therefore can’t continue with me.I completely agree and I've said that before. I love it when women are clear with me so I don't waste my time. The problem is that most women never do this.
So yeah, I think high partner counts are relevant to topic.Correct. Sonny's quesiton was regarding screening for an ideal girlfriend or wife which has literally nothing to do with the topic of this article.
Usually tho this isn’t relevant for your strategy at the beginning because you never know how high the partner count isExactly my point. A woman's historical partner count is (almost) a complete non-issue during the first three dates and first two times you have sex with her and should not even be on your mind. If it ever becomes an issue for you (and it is never one for me), it would be once a recurring relationship is established, after having sex with her at least twice. Then you categorize her as an FB or MLTR at that time using any criteria you want.
with BD’s system if they are unable to pair bond, regardless of the reason why, they would never make it beyond the FB stage anyway.Correct. My system accounts for all possible contingencies already. If you think she sucks for whatever reason but she's attractive and low-drama, then great, make her an FB. I do that all the time. My point is that you shouldn't care at all about her Disney worthiness on the first or second date or even the first or second fuck. If you do, you are heavily into the beta / neediness zone and you're almost the male version of a provider hunter, which is absolutely not where you want to be. (It's the opposite of Alpha 2.0 and purely outcome dependent.)
CCMidwest 2020-02-19 10:01:19
Sonny’s quesiton was regarding screening for an ideal girlfriend or wife which has literally nothing to do with the topic of this article.Yeah, screening for "purity" doesn't work lol My ex wife was a virgin when we met. I took her V card after 6 weeks of dating. She had been stringing her then BF along for 2 years with nothing but handys. 16 years with her was almost the death of me haha. She was crazy AF and I cheated like a dog when she withheld sex. Marrying the "pure virgin wife" resulted in a marriage no different than every other marriage I've seen fall apart.
Sonny 2020-02-19 10:13:23
Caleb, I apologize if you feel im being off topic, im here to learn and improve. Tell you what If you think a question I ask is off topic feel free to ignore it. If you feel its relevant - answer it Fair ?
Sonny 2020-02-19 10:19:58
CCMidwest, See thats interesting. And you know what im COMPLETELY willing to considering changing my opinions when I hear experiences like yours. Hey isn't that the whole point of Manosphere - to grow and better ourselves. It is for me. Any year you don't learn anything new is an year wasted.
AlphaOmega 2020-02-19 11:21:22
16 years with her was almost the death of me haha. She was crazy AF and I cheated like a dog when she withheld sex.No wonder. When you plan to move in with a woman and especially get married you make it clear to her beforehand withholding sex will not be tolerated and you only take a woman who you know from experience wont do that.
Blackdragon 2020-02-19 12:22:26
When you plan to move in with a woman and especially get married you make it clear to her beforehand withholding sex will not be toleratedWrong. That is Alpha Male 1.0, not Alpha Male 2.0. The Alpha Male 2.0 says the exact opposite. "Sweetheart, you can say no to sex with me whenever you want and as often as you want and I won't say one negative word about it... I'll just be seeing my FBs much more often." Then smile REALLY big.
CCMidwest 2020-02-19 12:28:10
When you plan to move in with a woman and especially get married you make it clear to her beforehand withholding sex will not be tolerated and you only take a woman who you know from experience wont do that.Haha! Like BD said, alpha 1.0. And yeah, I did exactly that. And yeah, she said she'd never withhold sex. I'm sure she meant it when she said it.
Blackdragon 2020-02-19 19:31:52
I did exactly that. And yeah, she said she’d never withhold sex.That's the second problem with the Alpha Male 1.0 model: it assumes that women are logical constructs. ("She promised she wouldn't do that, so she won't. Good. I win.")
K 2020-02-20 09:58:55
I thought the whole point of non-monogamy was that one can have both/all and thus doesn’t have to “be choosing”..?
joelsuf 2020-02-20 10:04:39
Hey isn’t that the whole point of Manosphere – to grow and better ourselves.Maybe it was that way a decade ago...now its all about taking the red pill and being more woke than others, then in true high school fashion, waving that woke-ness like a big swinging dick for no real reason at all. Pretty sure BD has written an article about this. Like 90% of the Manosphere is a joke. And that includes its most significant figures like Roosh, Krauser, Rollo, and others. Nothing but mirror images of the girl power assholes they claim to despise lol.
Blackdragon 2020-02-20 12:28:36
I thought the whole point of non-monogamy was that one can have both/all and thus doesn’t have to “be choosing”..?That's right. You need to inform your fellow women of this!
Al 2020-02-20 12:29:37
Rollo Krauser and (old) Roosh are geniuses. Wtf are u talking about ?
AlphaOmega 2020-02-20 13:49:15
I thought the whole point of non-monogamy was that one can have both/all and thus doesn’t have to “be choosing”..?That’s right. You need to inform your fellow women of this!
(old) RooshYou mean before he started saying stuff like that he wants a monogamous wife who is at most a 7? It always cracks me up when a pick artist starts saying stuff like that out of nowhere and advocating for finding a virgin and marrying her monogamously. But what do I know, maybe its just a business strategy that makes money?
John 2020-02-21 08:20:45
Women always have another guy in some shape, form or fashion. Always. If they're worth a damn. I count on them having another guy whether its an ex, fuck buddy, or current bf. Others guys are a blessing in the end. they create the boomerang affect. They always come back once the dram kicks in. I'm happy to oblige. I only worry about the quick lay.
Zan 2020-02-21 11:17:33
Zdravo,BD. I have a hypotetical question,and if its too off topic i will put it in a future thread. I know that No contact works and if you do it you got over 90% chance that the girl comes back.But in the case of a future Oltr,if she breaks up with me,i will not want her back.So if she says that she wants to break up,should i go the wrong way and say:No problem,I wish you all the best,you can change your mind until tommorow at 10pm,one minute after that i move on.And i will do that. Do you think i have at least 10 % to change her mind,or should i let her go forever and keep my frame?(given the fact that i will not take her back and i will burn that bridge forever). Like Kevin O;reilly said in the shark tank:"There is no tommorow.You are dead to me when you say no to one of my deals." If other guys have a good opinion ,i am all ears.
joelsuf 2020-02-21 19:00:00
So if she says that she wants to break up,should i go the wrong way and say: No problem,I wish you all the best, you can change your mind until tomorrow at 10pm, one minute after that i move on. And i will do that. Do you think i have at least 10 % to change her mind?No. When you have this kind of "logic," you are expecting her to change her mind which is one-itis. The "10% chance" is a rationalization. Just move on. Just do it without question.
or should i let her go forever and keep my frame?Yes. If she hits you back up which she probably will, then she's back in your life, just don't catch feelings.
DA5 2020-02-28 06:05:12
I don't agree with this article. I think the whole respond immediately, or sooner, due to prospects of her other options in this online age, is quite frankly very bad advice. If anything, you need to practice more patients than ever before. Yes, she is talking to other guys, but it's not like if you respond quickly or hit her up the following day after a good date, she will suddenly drop these other men. She won't! Those men are still there except now you're likely perceived as less attractive, not more. The fact is you will lose many women due to your competition no matter what you do, but to engage in activity that makes you less attractive, and not more, is just crazy to me. Sorry, but this is not good advice.
Blackdragon 2020-02-28 07:18:38
Yes, she is talking to other guys, but it’s not like if you respond quickly or hit her up the following day after a good date, she will suddenly drop these other men. She won’t!That is not what I'm suggesting.
Those men are still there except now you’re likely perceived as less attractive, not more.That depends on the nature of the quick communication. If you're quickly saying something along the lines of, "You're so hot I really like you we really need to meet up!!!" then yes, but that is the opposite of my system.
The fact is you will lose many women due to your competition no matter what you doCorrect. All you can do is put he odds in your favor
DA5 2020-02-28 10:26:28
That is not what I’m suggesting.Fair, it's not what you're suggesting, but I think you do suggest that it gives you some competitive advantage.
That depends on the nature of the quick communicationSure it does, but also on how quickly you respond, as I don't believe you would deny this. So all other things being equal, If you hit her up the following day (say after a date) you are less attractive than if you hit her up after 3, for example. It doesn't make sense then to go for the 1 day and even more so in light of the competition.
Correct. All you can do is put he odds in your favorSo again, I don't see how this is so, if you are acting less attractive, all other things being equal. My point is this: If you see Jane on Monday, and she is planning to meet John on Wednesday, she will do so regardless if you contact her Tuesday or not. I think you will agree with that. But you don't put the odds in your favor by contacting her on Tuesday (less attractive), instead of say Thursday(more attractive). In the end whoever she is more into will fu#k her. You can patiently wait for John to disappoint on Wednesday (as will likely happen) and contact her afterwards, when she now might actually have been wondering about you and more happy that you "came back".
Blackdragon 2020-02-28 16:33:59
Fair, it’s not what you’re suggesting, but I think you do suggest that it gives you some competitive advantage.Correct. if all other factors are equal and I respond to her before you do, the odds are at least a little more in my favor.
Sure it does, but also on how quickly you respond, as I don’t believe you would deny this.Correct. I said exactly that in the article. Responding more quickly is less attractive. The problem is responding too slowly reduces your odds in today's dating environment. I agree it really sucks but it's the lesser of two evils.
So all other things being equal, If you hit her up the following day (say after a date) you are less attractive than if you hit her up after 3, for example.Correct ...and the odds go up she schedules another date with another guy while I'm waiting around for two days trying to act cool, and the younger and/or hotter she is the more likely this is. I'd rather take the small attraction hit and get the meet.
It doesn’t make sense then to go for the 1 day and even more so in light of the competition.You need to explain that contention in great detail. Why do none of the other 57 guys she's talking to and who are trying to to fuck her matter?
My point is this: If you see Jane on Monday, and she is planning to meet John on Wednesday, she will do so regardless if you contact her Tuesday or not.Unrealistic example. I am not talking about scenarios where you already have date scheduled with her on the calendar and you know for 100% sure that she won't be seeing any other men before that scheduled date. The fact you have to reach this far into the hypothetical indicates something about what you're saying. I'm talking about more realistic examples, like scheduling a first date when you've never met her, or confirming a date six days out when you have no idea who she's meeting up with until then.