The Wonder Woman movie finally came out, and since it A) didn’t suck and B) made $100 million on its debut weekend, left-wingers and right-wingers are all freaking out, albeit for different reasons.

The left is saying that it somehow validates feminism and the right is attacking the movie for being feminist.

The problem is they’re both wrong (as usual). I shall explain.

1. The Wonder Woman movie is not a feminist movie.

Let’s get this straight. I saw this movie last week and it is in no way a “feminist” movie, a “SJW movie” or even a left-leaning movie. Maleficent, Frozen, Star Wars The Force Awakens, Ghostbusters, yeah man, those were feministy movies, yes, but Wonder Woman isn’t. Here are the reasons:

– Unlike movies like Ghostbusters, the movie doesn’t portray all men as either pussies or assholes. There are very strong, positive Alpha Male characters in this film. The main male character in the movie is sexually aggressive and initiates sexual contact, unlike in feministy movies where the woman is hitting on the man.

Indeed, it is the main male character in the movie who saves the day at the end (by destroying a plane full of poison gas) rather than Wonder Woman who just defeats a villain who didn’t even do what she thought he had done.

– As I’ve said many times, it’s fine to see a tiny woman beat the shit out of man much larger than her as long as the story explains this in a way that makes sense. If she’s an alien or a robot or something like that, then fine; it makes sense. In movies like Columbiana and Star Wars Rogue One, the tiny woman beats the crap out of guys double her size because, well, because she’s a Strong Independent Woman™, which of course is bullshit. Wonder Woman beats the shit out of men in this movie because she’s a GOD. Yes, she’s an actual god in this movie. Okay, she’s a god. Now it makes sense. Cool with me.

– Unlike in movies like Star Wars The Force Awakens, Wonder Woman isn’t suddenly awesome at everything for no reason. The movie clearly explains and shows that she’s been in combat training her entire life, since she was a little girl, and was being trained harder than anyone else. That’s why she now has combat skill. Combined with her literally godlike strength, and it now makes sense she can beat the shit out of a bunch of guys. In other words, she’s not just super because she’s a girl; she’s super because she’s a god with decades of combat training. That makes sense.

– Wonder Woman never throws out stupid, feminist lines of dialogue about how she’s a woman, even during scenes were I was expecting her to do so. She just does things. She just wants to do what’s right.

There’s one scene where the male lead says she can’t enter an area because it’s a “no man’s land,” which means “no man can go there.” I thought Wonder Woman would say something stupid like, “Well, I’m not a MAN!” but instead, she doesn’t. She just says she wants to do what’s right, and then jumps and fights some soldiers. Never once did Wonder Woman bring up anything about gender, which I thought was a nice breath of fresh air for a female character in a movie.

– Wonder Woman, in the movie, isn’t perfect. She makes all kinds of mistakes and is very naive. She’s a very flawed character. The entire big twist at the end (which frankly is easy to see coming) was that (minor spoiler here) she was completely wrong about who the bad guy was and what he was doing.

– There are no politics in the movie, left or right, and I was watching carefully for any hint of of them. Anyone who accuses this movie of having an overt political agenda is seeing something in their own head, not what was actually on the screen.

2. The Wonder Woman movie is NOT “great.” It’s just okay.

After the last several disastrously bad DC superhero movies (Batman v Superman, Suicide Squad, etc), everyone expected this next DC superhero movie to suck, me included. To all of our surprise, it wasn’t bad. It was okay. But, since everyone was expecting a bad movie, it being okay irrationally convinced people that it was GREAT. There are people actually saying this is the “best superhero movie ever made.” It’s got a 93% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

Horseshit! This movie isn’t great. It isn’t anywhere near great. It’s okay, sure. It’s a decently entertaining movie with two charismatic main characters. That’s it. Great? Fuck no. Not even close. The second act drags, the villains are really bland, boring and hammy, the final battle is the usual stupid, tedious CGI bullshit, pretty much all of the supporting characters are really weak, the music sucks, the color scheme for most of the movie looks like shit, and the action scenes are good, but there isn’t very much of them. This should be a 60% Rotten Tomatoes movie, not 93%. Hell, 93% is what Captain America Civil War should be (and it’s only 90%!) and Wonder Woman is no where NEAR Civil War. NO WHERE NEAR IT. Left-wingers are so irrationally excited that since the movie doesn’t suck and actually has a female lead, it must be GREAT! NO, you dumbasses! It’s just okay. Calm the fuck down. Seriously.

As usual with this irrational politicization of everything, everyone needs to take a few deep breaths, turn on their brains, and think rationally. Left-wingers, this is an okay movie, not a great one, and has nothing to do with politics or feminism, so calm down. Right-wingers, this movie is no more feminist than any other typical superhero movie, so calm down.

Screw it. I’m still waiting for the next Predator movie.

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